The Eric Andre Show 6x3

Directed by

Jon Hamm as Self • Blac Chyna as Self

Eric welcomes Jon Hamm and Blac Chyna. A priest and a rabbi walk into a confessional booth...

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Ladies and gentlemen, it's "The Eric Andre Show"!

2. Aaaaaah!

3. Aaaaahhhhhh!

4. It's okay.

5. Daddy just has to work.

6. So, Vladimir Putin— You hear about this guy?

7. More like Vladimir "Poopin'."

8. He went into Chipotle, and he played his own game

9. of Russian roulette. You know what I mean?

10. He made Russian dressing.

11. I mean, his asshole was raw after that burrito bowl.

12. He rushed into— What did he rush into? Crimea?

13. Yeah, "Crimea" River.

14. Am I right, Putin?

15. Anyway, I think he's doing a heck of a job.

16. And guess what. He's still my president.

17. It's time to go to school.

18. All right. So let's fill all those in and see how you do.

19. Those are questions about me.

20. Paper...

21. Hey, Teach, what's up? What's up?

22. Sorry. It was Taco Tuesday in the cafeteria.

23. What'd I miss? Can I copy off of you?

24. If you're finished, raise your hand.

25. Okay. We've got one that's finished.

26. Hey, you want to play basketball later?

27. And then you say the language.

28. You want to play basketball later?

29. - Later. Later. - We're on number four now.

30. "For the average person..."

31. A-plus!

32. - Hi. - Oh, that's my pizza.

33. Perfect. Thank you, brother.

34. Oh, shit.

35. Want some pizza to calm your nerves?

36. You want a cigarette?

37. - Cigarette? Yes, ma'am.

38. We have IAPs. That's where you go to school.

39. Ooh! Ooh!

40. All right.

41. Sick! Oh, shit.

42. I'm a new character.

43. the answer, raise your hand.

44. Fierce!

45. Oh, I've got to take this, guys.

46. Guys, now we can do a senior prank on her.

47. All the test papers are here.

48. If I burn them, we'll all get A's.

49. We're all gonna get A's if she loses the test, dude.

50. Lorena, where are you going?

51. Fuck you.

52. Lorena.

53. Lorena.

54. Shit.

55. I found my kids on Instagram and Facebook.

56. That's how you found your kids? Mm-hmm.

57. Ladies and gentlemen, the white Idris Elba,

58. Jon Hamm.

59. Wow! What a handsome, handsome man.

60. Come here. Come on.

61. Ohh! Oh, my God!

62. The Hamm man.

63. Jean-Claude Van Hamm. Hamm!

64. Sit down, you Guy-Smiley- - looking motherfucker. - Thank you.

65. You could play Woody from "Toy Story" on Broadway.

66. - Do you get that a lot? - I would like to. I would like to.

67. Jon! Jon!

68. Hey. Hey.

69. You don't remember me?

70. It's me— Malik!

71. Malik!

72. Hmm?

73. We went to school together. Come on, Jon.

74. Yeah, Mr. Hollywood!

75. Do you know him?

76. Uh, no.

77. And you're married to Ellie Kemper or something?

78. Nope.

79. Now, you were in "Baby Driver."

80. I was. With Kevin Spacey.

81. Yes.

82. What was it like to blow the whistle

83. on that scenery-chewing motherfucker?

84. Wow!

85. Was he elbow-deep in teenage boys

86. the whole time you guys were turning around cameras?

87. I have to—

88. I did not witness any... impropriety.

89. We heard that you witnessed a lot of it.I...

90. And you encouraged it.

91. I also did not do that, at all.

92. Oh, well, the jury's out. The jury's out.

93. - Nah, jury's in. - The jury's out.

94. I mean, the jury came back.

95. Here's the thing—Jury is out, Jon.

96. The jury came back—Hey, what happens on "Baby Driver"

97. stays on "Baby Driver."

98. I mean... You want to see a trick?

99. - I'd love to. - All right, check this out.

100. Whoa!

101. Watch this, my man. Oh, okay.

102. Aaaaah!

103. Oh, God! Oh, God!

104. Stop! Stop it!

105. Oh!

106. Magic sucks.

107. now and at the hour of our death.

108. Amen.

109. Good evening. Good evening.

110. Do you have any sins you'd like to confess today?

111. I have not spoken to my mother since the beginning of the year.

112. I have a confession of my own.

113. Oh, my.

114. Pleased to meet ya.

115. This wiener is kosher.

116. Okay.

117. Ladies and gentlemen, you know her from black,

118. you know her from China—

119. Blac Chyna!

120. Blac Chyna, everybody. Come on. I'm here.

121. Blac Chyna!

122. You smell good. You smell like baked cupcakes.

123. Ooh, thanks. Hi.

124. - You look like Cleopatra. - Thank you.

125. - From Egypt. - Queen of the Nile.

126. I literally just cut my hair off.

127. Blac Chyna, you are the Mao Zedong

128. of reality television.

129. Thanks.

130. So, where did you get your start?

131. Let's see... um...

132. Started out in 2008. I moved to Miami.

133. And, um...

134. You are crazy.

135. She's a funny lady.

136. Ahh!

137. Hey, can you believe they're selling this to kids?

138. - Really? - Isn't that fucking crazy?

139. No, it's— that's absurd. It's absurd.

140. Why would they sell this to kids?

141. Hey.

142. Oh...

143. It's too much sugar.

144. They want to give this to our children?

145. Before bedtime?

146. Nah, they can't be doing that.

147. Were you born Black or did you come up with the stage name

148. and get a ton of surgery?

149. I came up with it.

150. Oh, I got more questions.

151. - Oh, okay. - Thanks.

152. Okay.

153. Is there a vaccine for you?

154. 'Cause you infected my heart.

155. Aww.

156. Ooh, why would you want to be vaccinated from all this?

157. I didn't even get Pfizer or Moderna.

158. I didn't— I don't even want to get vaccinated

159. for coronavirus.

160. I mean, you don't have to. Just be safe.

161. Any needle that's going in me

162. better have heroin in it, Fauci.

163. Mm.

164. I'm just messing with you.

165. I was like, okay.

166. Shit!

167. Oh, look, we have another one.

168. Hey.

169. Um...

170. Why would people get the wrong impression of you?

171. I feel like a lot of people just don't know me,

172. so they just have their, like, own perception.

173. They're just projecting their own insecurities on you.

174. They're using you as a proxy,

175. as an avatar for their own psychological issues.

176. Exactly.

177. Maybe it's them

178. who need to hold thy mirror to thyself.

179. Take a picture,

180. 'cause the picture is worth a thousand words,

181. and words are more meaningful than pictures.

182. And blood is thicker than water,

183. and water is beautiful,

184. and beauty is only skin deep. Skin deep.

185. And Jesus walked upon water. Water.

186. And he turned water into wine.

187. And he turned applesauce into weed. Into weed.

188. Wow.

189. Chyna, you can't even name a single Chinese city.

190. - One? - Not one.

191. Nope.

192. You were saying something about—

193. When it comes to selling homes,

194. I'm a little unorthodox.

195. - Hey, how you doing? - Bruce Ellington.

196. Exciting house.

197. Real hardwood floors. Great sunlight.

198. Huh! That is weird.

199. So, what are you...

200. Um, what's that?

201. That is a leak, and I will have that fixed right away.

202. It does look like blood.

203. Well, that's the master bedroom. Check that out.

204. What's going on?

205. There's a man on a bed

206. on all fours, that doesn't have any clothes on.

207. Do you want to put a bid in the house or...?

208. Who, me?

209. Blac Chyna!

210. I like that Michael Jackson had a team of doctors

211. take him to the edge of death every night.

212. Hoo-hoo! Gimme some Propofol, y'all.

213. I want to knock on the Grim Reaper's door.

214. Hoo-hoo!

215. Speaking of which,

216. do you mind if I rim the Grim Reaper?

217. What do you mean, rim?

218. Give him a rim job.

219. Every lick adds a year to my life.

220. Ugh!

221. Oh, my.