The Eric Andre Show 5x5

Directed by

Brenda Song as Self • LeVar Burton as Self • John Cena as Self • A$AP Ferg as Self • Grimes as Self • James Hazley as Blannibal

Eric welcomes Mercedes Javid and Brenda Song and punishes Grimes. He also gives his dead boss some ranch!

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!req The Eric Andre Show 5x5 [02:32]
!req The Eric Andre Show 5x5 [The Eric Andre Show 5x5]
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Ladies and gentlemen, it's "The Eric Andre Show"!

2. Aah! Aah!

3. Hey, John.

4. Oh. Hey, Eric. What's up, man?

5. Whoa.

6. Hi, little fishy. Hey there.

7. Aah! Ow! Aah!

8. Aah! Stop!

9. What's up, man?

10. What's up, fool?

11. [ Mid-tempo music plays ] All right!

12. Hey. So Mike Pence is in the news.

13. You hear about this?

14. Apparently, he's married to a girl.

15. Yeah.

16. Uh, maybe he should change his name to Dyke Pence.

17. You kiss a girl — automatic lesbo, dude.

18. See you at the leather bar, hypocrite.

19. Who's Mike Pence?

20. I don't know.

21. I'm having a weekend at Bernie's.

22. Dude, what's up? This is my dead boss.

23. I got to get him back to the dean's office

24. before I get expelled, dude.

25. His company's goin' pubic.

26. You guys want to hang a Dominican CD

27. from your rearview mirror?

28. Oh, my God!

29. This is my homeboy Right Dude Here.

30. I'm having a weekend at Bernie's 2.

31. Oh, no!

32. We got to get this corpse back to Benihana's for happy hour!

33. Oh! Oh!

34. Ranch it up!

35. Ladies and gentlemen, here from the "Shahs of Sunset,"

36. La— Uh, Mercedes Javid. [ Up-tempo music plays ]

37. Did I say it right? Hi!

38. You sure did.

39. You look beautiful.

40. As-salamu alaykum.

41. WWJD?

42. You look really good.

43. No.

44. I want — I want to flip you around like a Persian crepe...

45. Oh, my God.

46. fly you across the Atlantic Ocean,

47. all the way to Tehran, hit the ayatollah in the face.

48. He cuts out the eyeholes.

49. Then he has a Halloween costume

50. and something to talk about at parties.

51. How do you know so much about the Middle East?

52. That's my vacation spot.

53. Who's your favorite Middle Eastern man?

54. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Yeah!

55. He's not Middle Eastern.

56. Oh, really?

57. Oh, my God.

58. You're sweating your makeup down your face.

59. You look insane. I don't need the makeup.

60. You look like RuPaul when he slept outside.

61. RuPaul?

62. You're comparing me to a man right now.

63. What up, B?

64. Hey. What's up, Felipe?

65. Now, you committed felony bank fraud in 1994.

66. Yes. If you could go back in time,

67. how would you commit bank fraud differently?

68. Sometimes I have sex —

69. No. But what happened?

70. Did you get arrested?

71. No, not really. It was the FBI.

72. Did you go to jail?

73. Enh.

74. For how long? Like, seriously, like, barely.

75. Oh, shit.

76. If you want tarot cards, everything is 10% off.

77. How you doing?

78. We're doing a special. Free psychic readings.

79. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

80. Oh, okay.

81. Have you ever gotten a, uh, psychic reading before?

82. I have never, so this is definitely...

83. Okay. Okay. Cool. an interesting thing.

84. Well, I'm just a vessel. The tarot will be our guide.

85. Hmm.

86. All right.

87. Wow. Okay.

88. [ Thud, glass shatters ] Wow.

89. I'm hearing a voice. That's for real. Okay.

90. Somebody's here. Okay. He's here.

91. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a sign.

92. I accept it. This is — Okay. That's a sign.

93. He's got advice for you. He's saying, "Don't..."

94. Oh, gosh. I can't hear.

95. "Don't you"...

96. Whoa.

97. What?

98. That's never happened to me once.

99. Are you serious? I swear to God.

100. That's never happened to me once. Oh, my God. I've —

101. Aah! I'm the real psychic!

102. That guy's holding me hostage!

103. Why y'all playin' with me like this?

104. "Why Y'all Playin' Me Like This?"

105. Only on CBS.

106. I ain't got time for this TV-ass shit, bro.

107. And we are back with Mercedes Javid.

108. Yeah.

109. Mercedes, you want some Brett Kavanaugh ale?

110. No, thank you.

111. It's like an abortion in your mouth.

112. Or in the court.

113. Roe v. Wave. You know what I mean?

114. You want some roe?

115. It's like a fish abortion in your mouth.

116. It's a little insensitive to...

117. Ahh.

118. God, that tastes good.

119. It's disgusting.

120. I wish I was Lance Reddick. Yeah!

121. I wish I was Lance Reddick!

122. I wish I was Lance motherReddick!

123. Thanks, Levar. Thanks, Levar.

124. That's Levar Burton. For real?

125. That's him, baby.

126. And that completes the deal.

127. Oh, hey. What's going on, man?

128. That's A$AP Ferg. Hi. Whoa. Shit.

129. All right. All right. Uh-oh.

130. Get the out of here. Okay.

131. Ow! What the

132. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the...

133. A$AP Ferg. Show!"

134. How would you best describe yourself —

135. A — A, extended energy, enjoy groups,

136. or be conserv— conservative to your energy,

137. a more outgoing...

138. Hold on.

139. Um, I dare you to rub his — his belly.

140. Mnh-mnh. [ Laughter, applause ]

141. Yo.

142. Mm-hmm.

143. Bro, where did you just come from?

144. I went to the movies.

145. Do you normally have no hair on your body?

146. You listen to his music?

147. N— Um, who?

148. You can tell the truth.

149. Tell the truth. About... If you know me or not.

150. I mean, what's your name?

151. Oh, my God.

152. Oh, my God. Okay.

153. I like where this is goin'.

154. Yeah.

155. You ever been to Duane Reade? I like you.

156. I like you a lot. Of course.

157. That's a real New Yorker right there. Hell yeah.

158. He's like...

159. "Oh, de Blasio canceled the I train."

160. Oh!

161. the Dice Man!

162. Get a stromboli and go see the spaghetti sauce.

163. Oh!

164. It's my last day being Hasidic.

165. I'm eating bacon now. Who cares?

166. It's my last day as a Hasid. I can do whatever I want.

167. I'm going to a Christmas party, and I hope Harmony Korine

168. puts me in one of his outrageous movies.

169. I've been shooting up the mumps vaccine all day.

170. What the

171. It gets you real stoned.

172. Come on, man.

173. It's the mumps vaccine.

174. Ladies and gentlemen, Disney child star Brenda Song.

175. What's going on? Nothing too much.

176. How are you?

177. I'm good. Brenda Song.

178. Yes.

179. I wish they called you Splenda Long,

180. because I'm having a splendid time

181. hanging out with you so long.

182. I just came up with that.

183. I like it. I like it.

184. What did I miss?

185. Hi.

186. What's up, y'all? I'm here with my girl Brenda Song.

187. We're doing our thing. Yeah!

188. Brought to you by H2O, baby, the coolest drink on the planet!

189. Whoo! H2O!

190. What about H2O2, the sequel to water?

191. Part 2.

192. If you thought the original was great,

193. wait till you get the molecular sequel!

194. you, Mountain Deux!

195. We're drinking H2O2! I'm the king of the world!

196. God — God is second to me!

197. You understand?

198. Okay. Brenda. Yes.

199. Now, you tweeted recently, "666. I wish 9/11 happened again."

200. Why are you trying to be all things to all people?

201. I... You know...

202. You ever been to Seattle? No!

203. Oh, no! No! No!

204. The only thing worse than a human murder is a fish murder.

205. It is! You know what I mean?

206. I'm st— I just started — Like, we have a fish tank —

207. I'm either killing or this thing.

208. You know what I mean? Oh, God.

209. God.

210. Careful.

211. You remember me from the last time, right?

212. You're watching "Hostage TV" in Beverly Hills.

213. I'm being exploited. It's true.

214. I can't get away from these people.

215. Clam apples. It's the latest invention.

216. It's half clam and half apple.

217. Protein with the clam. Okay. Yes.

218. Vitamin C with the apple.

219. Brother. Brother. Sign my SARS blanket.

220. I'm being exploited by these people. Oh, no, no, no. No, you're not.

221. Bob Hope's ghost?

222. What are you doing there? Get off me! Come on! Stop it!

223. Let me walk away. Please.

224. Ladies and gentlemen, Grimes and Punishment.

225. Aah!

226. Aah! Aah! Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

227. Aah!

228. Aah!

229. Ow! Ow!

230. Time for cheeseboarding.

231. You ever been to Duane Reade? Oh!