The Eric Andre Show 5x3

Directed by

Macaulay Culkin as Self • Machine Gun Kelly as Self • Omarion as Self • Tyler Henry as Self • James Hazley as Blannibal

Eric welcomes Omarion and celebrity psychic Tyler Henry and feeds bugs to musical guest Machine Gun Kelly. Eric transforms into the Bench Mensch, a Jewish bench who helps people move.

Request examples:

!req The Eric Andre Show 5x3 [02:32]
!req The Eric Andre Show 5x3 [The Eric Andre Show 5x3]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req The Eric Andre Show 5x3 [10-11]; !req The Eric Andre Show 5x3 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Ladies and gentlemen, it's "The Eric Andre Show"!

2. Aah!

3. I don't know who did this to me,

4. but I can't stop killing!

5. What the? Stop, man.

6. What the hell is wrong with you?

7. Oh!

8. Yes.

9. Ahh. Okay.

10. I was thinking the other day,

11. "Don't you wish Bono got killed by a tree skiing

12. instead of Sonny 'Bon-o'?"

13. Then the streets would have no name.

14. Oh, man.

15. Ha.

16. Sorry, I'm getting political on y'all, okay?

17. Brexit.

18. Hello! Oh, my God!

19. I'm the Bench Mensch!

20. Aah!

21. Don't take the stairs. Take the bench.

22. Today's goal — helping a friend move.

23. I can help you move these boxes.

24. I didn't mean to startle you.

25. Oh!

26. Sorry! Butterfingers!

27. I'm the bench — Oh, sorry.

28. This is fragile. I'm the Bench Mensch!

29. I'm a bit of a klutz.

30. I think we're all good.

31. I just need — You want a Reuben?

32. I am all good on a Reuben right now.

33. What's wrong? You vegan?

34. Oh, geez.

35. Sorry, we just got to watch this stuff.

36. Sorry. This is super fragile.

37. No, no, no, no, no.

38. Hello! Oh, shit.

39. He keeps saying, "I can help you. I'm the Bench Mensch."

40. Dude, kick me, not the boxes.

41. Uh, the next guest is Omarion.

42. Please come out, Omarion.

43. You look like you can defuse a bomb.

44. Omarion, you are great.

45. What's happening? How you doing, man?

46. Thank you for your "You Got Serviced," my friend. Okay.

47. Ha ha! At ease.

48. Well appreciated.

49. God bless you. When is the last time you got served?

50. You good?

51. My G.

52. She dead?

53. Whew! Who?

54. She dead?

55. What?

56. I know. Yeah, I know.

57. I didn't see nothing.

58. Who are we talking about?

59. Unh.

60. Omarion, so you are so appreciated.

61. And you were the bad guy in the Fat Albert movie.

62. Yes. I was.

63. How did Bill Cosby get the pills

64. in the drinks with that fat suit on?

65. Was his fingers like, "Oh, Theo, you know,"

66. just mumbling around?

67. How did he do it?

68. I'm not sure.

69. Yeah!

70. I'm not sure.

71. You want some sushi?

72. Can we have some sushi for our guest, please?

73. I can get — You want sushi?

74. I actually want... Or you want some chili?

75. I want to see... Can we have some chili?

76. What the is that?

77. My G. My G...

78. It's George Clooney from "Ocean's Eleven."

79. Oh, hell no, bro.

80. You got to chill out with this.

81. My own tequila.

82. Oh, you wildin', fam!

83. Oh, my man! What are you...

84. Dude, what are you up to? You surveying the land?

85. Survey says, "It's time for cerveza."

86. Bro, I'm just another god in the quad

87. looking for a warm bod to watch Chuck Todd.

88. You got to "Meet the Press,"

89. then you got to press the meat, baby boy.

90. What does that button do? No, no, no, no!

91. What the you doing, bro?

92. Don't be touching the shit, man.

93. Need a ranch hand?

94. Hey, cowboy. Need a ranch hand?

95. I got it. Are we good right there?

96. You want the Wi-Fi password? Would that help?

97. I think we got off on the wrong foot, man.

98. Oh, no, no, no. Don't touch it, man. Oh, shit.

99. Come on, man! I'm sorry, dude.

100. Gonna call the cops! Leave me alone!

101. Dude, I'm — No, look.

102. You want to hit this lava lamp?

103. Dude! Right dude here!

104. Dude. Let me calibrate it. Stop!

105. Stop! Listen, stop, bro!

106. He's wearing just a G-string.

107. And we're back with Omarion.

108. What's this? The Cup Man?

109. Wow.

110. Oh, man.

111. You got an album out called...

112. You got a much long-awaited album called...

113. Aah! Get off me!

114. you, bitch!

115. I mean, that was powerful.

116. I don't even hang out under these circumstances, man.

117. Everybody has a penis.

118. Help me. Help.

119. Are you okay?

120. I fell down.

121. And I got to finish, or my boss will kill me.

122. Yo, yo.

123. Have a seat. Don't touch me.

124. Nothing gives you that right.

125. I got to get in my hours.

126. I have to keep working.

127. My friend got sleepy.

128. He's cold.

129. You can leave him alone.

130. He's just sleepy.

131. I hate that guy.

132. Can you hear me?

133. We'll shower.

134. He tried to sleep my wife.

135. Ladies and gentlemen, celebrity psychic Tyler Henry.

136. Oh, God, man. I'm really worn down.

137. I feel you.

138. That dickhead forced his crappy album onto my iPod.

139. Did he? Can you predict him to die soon?

140. What do you do for, uh...

141. you know, fun?

142. I don't know. Paint?

143. You want to help us workshop some new characters?

144. Sure. Let's bring them out.

145. Hey, this is Mohammed Otter.

146. A sea-animal hijacker.

147. Oh, this is Jewbacca.

148. Jackson Polyps next.

149. Hey, Jackson.

150. And then we have N-Word Scissorhands.

151. Hey, hey, hey. What's up? Y'all niggas want a fade?

152. And I have no comment.

153. Okay. Thank you, guys.

154. Hey, can you talk to the dead?

155. I can. Can you make me a believer?

156. I can't make you a believer.

157. No, not in two minutes.

158. What do you mean? I'm not a skeptic.

159. Well, then you're a believer.

160. Oh, shit. Oh, shit!

161. All right. That's coffee for you.

162. Paper straws are behind us.

163. There you go, right? Who needs them?

164. I'm, like, consistently...

165. You know what I mean? Yeah.

166. Do people think you're Macaulay Culkin? They do.

167. I feel like I'm better looking than Macaulay Culkin.

168. Ohhh! I will put that out there.

169. Shots fired.

170. Hey, how you doing, man?

171. Um... Repair?

172. I-I need you to erase the footage on this body cam.

173. I'm in kind of, like, a bad situation.

174. I don't even know how to do that.

175. Really? Maybe these magnets will help me futz with it or...

176. Oh, shit.

177. Woman on radio: Shots fired. Officer down. Shit.

178. Second officer has fled the scene.

179. Officer Andre, prime suspect. Shit.

180. He is considered armed...

181. Whatever you have to do...

182. We're both in this now, man.

183. Look, I know you can help me. Look, look, look.

184. Take this money, man. It's all yours.

185. It's liquid. You can invest it in a high-interest CD

186. and watch your money grow.

187. I don't even know how to do that.

188. Trade clothes with me, man.

189. I can't do that, boss.

190. Nelson, you're the cop now, okay? No. I can't do it.

191. You're the cop. I'm Nelson, huh?

192. You're Officer — Can we trade clothes?

193. No.

194. My chief, she's hot, man.

195. And if she sees this death footage,

196. she's going to withhold sex from me.

197. Do you understand?

198. Freeze! What the?

199. I smell a crime cooking, and you're the chef.

200. What are y'all doing here?

201. Yeah. You're on "Fart 'Splosion."

202. It's a show about, like — Have you ever farted before?

203. Of course I've farted. Who the don't fart?

204. My man.

205. Ladies and gentlemen, Machine Gun Kelly.

206. Oh, hell no.

207. Now it's time for Machine Bug Kelly.

208. Now it's time for Stun Gun Kelly.

209. Do it. Do it.

210. Aah!

211. Machine Gun Kellyanne Conway.

212. Oh, you wildin', fam!