1. Ladies and gentlemen,
it's "The Eric Andre Show!"
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2. Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey!
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3. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
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4. Hey. Hey. Hey.
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5. Hey.
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6. So, hey, you hear
that they surgically implanted
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7. a woman's pussy
onto a dog's body?
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8. We're wishing Paula Deen
the best of luck out in prison.
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9. And one.
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10. Hyah.
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11. Who ordered the pizza ball?
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12. We're in class,
so you need to leave.
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13. Somebody ordered
this pizza ball, dude.
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14. I'm not paying for this.
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15. This thing is
straight farm to nug, bro.
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16. Pizza aside,
let's talk Scientology.
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17. Is this a dildojo, too?
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18. All right,
just get him out of here.
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19. You got to get out.
You have to get out.
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20. Dude, I know you.
You're Ramadan Steve, dude.
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21. What's up,
Ramadan Steve?
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22. Dude,
It's "Karate Kid" law.
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23. If I challenge you
in your dojo,
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24. you got to let me
take the class.
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25. I'm getting out.
All right, all right.
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26. All right, dude.
You got ranch?
Aaaaah!
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27. Is Jack Black here?
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28. Well, send him out.
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29. With a name like Jack Black,
I thought you would be a brotha!
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30. Oh, you didn't know?
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31. What is this
Mickey Mouse bullshit
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32. I see
before my very eyes?
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33. What do you mean?
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34. Will you do whip-its?
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35. - Oh, is that what this is?
- Yeah.
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36. - Um...
- That's for junkies.
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37. Holy shit, man.
This shit gets you
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38. Ba da wada-wada,
Ba da wada-wada
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39. Wada wada wada,
Wa wa wa wa
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40. Ba ba ba ba
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41. Aaaah!
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42. Do you have a tissue or a...
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43. We got a bunch of birds
up there.
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44. Sucks.
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45. me, you really got
some birds up there.
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46. Yeah.
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47. Oh, shit!
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48. Let me ask you something.
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49. You saw Brad Pitt
in "12 Monkeys"?
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50. I did not see "12 Monkeys."
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51. He was like...
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52. "There are 12 monkeys over here.
There's 12 monkeys over there."
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53. It was
embarrassing.
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54. Oh, shit!
Son of a bitch.
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55. That thing is broken.
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56. Yeah, can we fix this?
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57. Okay.
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58. Can someone get me
another coffee, please?
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59. Check out this song
I'm working on.
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60. Okay, let me work on it
for a second.
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61. Okay, this is taking
way too long.
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62. What's up with that
band Led Zeppelin, right?
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63. They should rename themselves
"The Four Losers."
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64. I can't.
I can't.
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65. Come on, man.
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66. They're like
my favorite band.
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67. You know
what the thing is?
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68. I did a giant whip-it right at
the beginning of the interview.
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69. It fried, like,
most of the brain cells
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70. that I had for this interview.
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71. Yeah.
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72. And now...
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73. Mm-hmm.
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74. Oh! No! Jesus!
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75. Bird up!
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76. Excuse me. Do you guys know
where the hospital is?
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77. Uh...
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78. Are you okay?
Oh, my God.
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79. Oh, my God!
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80. Ah.
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81. I was trying to build
a building up.
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82. Oh, no!
Call 911!
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83. No, no, no, no!
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84. Do you got a —
You got a boyfriend?
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85. No!
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86. ChristianSingle.love.
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87. And we're back
with Jack Black.
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88. Now, you're known in Hollywood
as a liar.
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89. - As a liar?
- Yeah.
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90. Let's get
to the bottom of this.
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91. Let's get Jack
on a lie-detector test.
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92. Holy shit.
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93. No.
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94. Okay. Check.
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95. What did you have
for lunch today?
I had sushi.
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96. Aah! Son of a bitch!
It shocked me!
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97. - You're lying.
- You're lying.
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98. This thing shocks me
if I don't tell the truth?
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99. Tell us the truth.
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100. This is not cool, man.
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101. What did you have for lunch
yesterday?
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102. I can't remember.
Don't shock me.
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103. Yesterday...
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104. I was on plane.
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105. Aah! It's true!
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106. I was on a plane.
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107. - You were here.
- I was on a plane.
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108. This is shocking me
when I tell the truth now.
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109. Aah! you!
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110. What's your home address?
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111. Um...
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112. That's not a fair question.
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113. What's your home address?
Tell the truth.
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114. Uh, what?
No, I don't — that's not —
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115. Aah!
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116. Okay, all right.
You know the rules.
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117. You come on my show,
you tell the truth.
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118. your show.
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119. Tell us the truth, Jack!
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120. It was Grandma's —
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121. Now you're just
shocking me for torture.
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122. Ohh!
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123. - Come on.
- Who's in charge of the shocks?
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124. I want to see the shocking —
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125. I want to see
the shocking executioner!
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126. Who's got the thing,
huh?
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127. Meet Adam —
a lonely scientist
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128. about to make
the discovery of a lifetime
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129. and find true love
in the process.
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130. - Aah!
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131. Can I have a little money?
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132. I mean, did you see me
beat that guy up?
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133. Did you guys not see that?
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134. Can I have
a little bit of money?
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135. Can I have like $2?
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136. Did you just not see me
fight that guy?
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137. This Christmas,
Santa's coming early.
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138. Ho, ho, ho!
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139. Jennette McCurdy?
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140. Whoa.
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141. Hit — hit her
with that first question, dawg.
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142. Oh, yeah.
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143. You're on Nickelodeon?
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144. I am.
I was — a long time ago.
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145. R.I.P.
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146. I heard you —
It says on my notes
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147. that you dated
a basketball player?
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148. - I did.
- Magic Johnson?
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149. Uh, no.
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150. And you dated Eazy-E
and Freddie Mercury
right after that.
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151. Come on.
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152. You had some nudes
that leaked.
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153. In all fairness,
they weren't nudes.
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154. We actually have a picture
of one of your nudes right here.
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155. And I think it's tasteless.
I can't believe you did that.
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156. Hannibal's going to Japan!
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157. I got my own spin-off show.
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158. microphone.
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159. Give me
this microphone.
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160. You know, I'm really
having a tough time
interviewing people.
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161. It's very hard for me.
Yeah.
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162. So you have to
make me look good
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163. 'cause I'm —
I'm falling flat on my face
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164. and I can't face the music.
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165. So you got to help me out.
Okay.
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166. Do you understand
what I'm saying?
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167. Yes.
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168. I love you.
Okay.
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169. I love you.
I really do.
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170. - I'm really having a hard time.
- I'm sorry.
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171. I'm really having
a hard time.
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172. You got to help me out.
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173. You got to help me.
Please help me.
Okay.
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174. Please help me out here,
please.
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175. All right.
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176. I feel like
you're pulling back,
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177. but I need you
to press forward.
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178. Come on in.
Get buckled up.
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179. And away we go.
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180. - I want to get out.
- Oh
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181. I'm on a new medicine,
and...
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182. You on a new medicine?
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183. Everyone remain in the vehicle.
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184. Okay, relax, relax.
Just me talk to him.
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185. You okay?
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186. Yeah, there's this, like,
loud black woman in here.
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187. She's like —
she was driving.
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188. She was driving?
You were driving?
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189. No!
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190. Hey! Hey! Hey!
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191. - Stay put! Stay put!
- I told you!
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192. Freeze! Freeze!
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193. Hey! God damn it.
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194. Ladies and gentlemen,
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195. it is finally time
to investigate 311.
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196. Aah!
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197. I bet you light up
when we start up the show
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198. Follow me now very closely
'cause I told you so
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199. What about T-11?
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200. Ohh! Aah!
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