1. Aaaaaaaaaah!
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2. Aah!
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3. Oh, my god.
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4. Yo. What up?
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5. Hannibal, listen, man... I
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6. got into a really bad car
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7. accident yesterday.
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8. I-I need you to host the show
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9. tonight, okay?
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10. I've done irreversible damage to
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11. my spine.
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12. You need to have some
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13. irreversible damage at this
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14. party I'm throwing.
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15. On the West Side.
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16. Ha ha ha ha ha!
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17. The chronic.
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18. Listen, man, can you host the
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19. show tonight?
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20. Are you listening? Hello!
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21. Ow! Aah!
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22. Hannibal!
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23. Hey, I got to get back to
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24. you.
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25. I'm about to get into somethin'.
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26. No, Hannibal.
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27. Don't get into something.
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28. I-I-I need you to...
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29. ladies and gentlemen, it's
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30. "the"...
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31. "Hannibal buress"...
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32. "Show!"
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33. Aaaaaaaaaaah!
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34. You look like shit.
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35. Thank you, Hannibal.
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36. So...
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37. bitches be shoppin'!
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38. [ Laughter,
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39. Okay. Beginner's luck.
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40. Hey, man, stop hatin'.
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41. This is the first nomination
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42. and win for Hannibal buress as
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43. best comedy talk-show host.
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44. He only told one joke!
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45. Ow!
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46. Previously, Hannibal has won
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47. three awards for best co-host.
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48. Get this stupid thing off of
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49. me!
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50. Anybody seen my bus?
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51. Have you seen my bus?
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52. It's a very big bus.
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53. Have you seen my bus?
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54. Who took my bus?
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55. Who put the handcuffs on you?
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56. I don't know.
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57. I'm using Asian condiments to
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58. loosen these cuffs.
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59. What happened to you, man?
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60. Hannibal's soy sauce.
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61. It sucks!
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62. Please welcome Nick Cannon!
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63. Hey!
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64. What's going on?
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65. What's going on?
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66. How's it going, man?
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67. A'ight.
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68. Looking good!
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69. Cool, man.
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70. You sure you're all right?
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71. Yeah. I just...
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72. I got in an accident.
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73. Oh. Okay.
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74. Yeah, yeah.
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75. You want some cheese doodles,
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76. man?
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77. Ooh, that was almost good.
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78. Yeah!
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79. Aah!
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80. Nick Cannon, everybody!
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81. Nick Cannon!
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82. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
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83. What do you think the holy ghost
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84. is?
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85. Is it like a zombie or
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86. something?
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87. It's a...
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88. What if Jesus was
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89. young jeezy?
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90. This is jeezy as Jesus.
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91. Hey.
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92. Y'all some real niggas
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93. for this shit right here.
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94. Aah!
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95. Keep playing with Jesus if you
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96. want to.
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97. So, man, what do you think
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98. drag-on is up to now?
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99. Man.
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100. Hannibal...
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101. I'm your father.
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102. What are you doing here, dad?
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103. I just want to say I love
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104. you, son.
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105. Dad, this is a bad time for
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106. us to reunite.
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107. If you are indeed my father, why
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108. would you step out now, during
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109. the biggest interview of my
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110. life?
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111. That means you don't care about
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112. me as a son.
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113. No, I do.
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114. I really do care.
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115. You haven't been in my life
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116. at all, and I'm interviewing
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117. Nick Cannon, former r. Kelly
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118. collaborator, and stage hands
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119. let you walk in here with your
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120. dick out!
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121. Can I have a hug?
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122. You, dad!
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123. Yeah.
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124. Welcome to cookie TV.
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125. Let me eat one. I'm hungry.
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126. This is fly.
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127. Hey, man, what the...
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128. I'm the honorable
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129. cookie Muhammad.
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130. How many cookies a day do you
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131. eat?
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132. Not a lot.
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133. She doesn't eat a lot of
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134. cookies.
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135. That's why she's here in this
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136. stroller, 18 years old.
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137. Let me try one.
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138. No.
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139. Come on, man.
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140. It's not a cookie...
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141. It's a lifestyle!
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142. Take a nice picture!
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143. We can take a picture
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144. together, but I am a registered
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145. sex offender.
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146. A what?
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147. Huh?
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148. A what offender?
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149. Who? What?
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150. Ohh.
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151. It's time for...
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152. What is going on?
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153. And we've got Bolivia, China,
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154. Ecuador.
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155. You want some cheese?
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156. N.Y.P.D.
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157. We're serving today.
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158. We usually protect, but today
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159. we're serving.
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160. Look! He's drinking!
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161. Do you see that?
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162. Want some cheese?
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163. That's illegal!
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164. That picture is meaningless.
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165. Broadway street?
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166. This is Broadway right here,
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167. man!
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168. We're on Broadway!
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169. What are you talking about?
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170. Why don't you mind your own
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171. Business?
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172. I'm just... I'm just...
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173. All right.
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174. Why don't you mind your
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175. Business?
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176. Meh-meh-meh-meh-meh.
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177. Ladies and gentlemen, our
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178. next guest is Carmen electra!
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179. Hey!
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180. Hi!
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181. Anyways, so, Carmen...
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182. Mm-hmm?
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183. Carmen...
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184. You got any Adderall?
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185. No.
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186. You pop mollies?
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187. This looks like a boat.
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188. Uh...
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189. Whoo!
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190. Um...
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191. That desk looks like a boat.
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192. Looks like a boat.
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193. What happened?
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194. You into guns?
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195. A gangsta never tells
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196. All his secrets.
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197. A gangsta never...
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198. you know that.
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199. What do you mean?
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200. Why do I know that?
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201. Oh. That's right.
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202. What are you doing later?
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203. What's your address?
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204. I'm not giving up my address.
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205. Why?
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206. Are you a boat or not?
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207. Shhhhh!
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208. Do you regulate?
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209. Do I regulate?
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210. Always.
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211. Hell, yeah.
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212. Uh...
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213. What was the...
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214. it is electric
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215. between us.
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216. It's crazy.
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217. I'm sorry.
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218. Still looks like a boat!
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219. Bon voyage.
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220. Toot, toot!
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221. [ Singing in native
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222. What up?
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223. How's it going, man?
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224. Good, man. How you doing?
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225. Chillin', man.
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226. Hook me up with a shave.
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227. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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228. Thank you, sir.
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229. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
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230. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
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231. Oh, shit!
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232. Shit!
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233. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
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234. Shit!
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235. Whoa!
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236. Oooooh!
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237. Shit looks...
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238. That looks good.
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239. That looks real good, man.
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240. You lost a lot of blood.
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241. Ow! I can't...
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242. Yo, what up?
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243. I'm the safety stegosaurus.
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244. Kids club.
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245. Say, "safety."
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246. Safety!
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247. If you see a knife, go away
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248. from it.
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249. Some garbage is okay.
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250. Kids club.
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251. I don't want to die!
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252. I don't want to die!
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253. This is my garbage!
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254. Why are you going around
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255. acting like this in front of all
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256. these kids?
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257. Kids club.
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258. Ladies and gentlemen, our
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259. final guest of the night...
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260. Big Jon.
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261. Yeah!
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262. Let's take this thing up top!
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263. All you little
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264. mother
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265. I'm unhealthy as y'all!
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266. Hey!
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267. I'm big Jon now!
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268. This bit sucks.
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