The Eric Andre Show 3x2

Directed by

Antonio Martinez as Reese Witherspoon • Lauren Conrad Tell as Self • Antonio Martinez as Self

Lauren Conrad and a Reese Witherspoon impersonator are interviewed.

Request examples:

!req The Eric Andre Show 3x2 [02:32]
!req The Eric Andre Show 3x2 [The Eric Andre Show 3x2]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req The Eric Andre Show 3x2 [10-11]; !req The Eric Andre Show 3x2 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Ladies and gentlemen, it's

2. "the Eric Andre" show!

3. What is up, everybody?

4. I know, i know.

5. I'm looking a little bit gaunt.

6. But i am preparing for the lead

7. role in the "Dallas buyers club"

8. sequel!

9. Adiós, McConaughey!

10. And i know I'm looking a

11. little chub, but I'm preparing

12. for the lead role in "precious

13. part 2: Precious with a dick."

14. I'm sorry, guys.

15. I've been pretending to be

16. someone that I'm not.

17. Hey, you guys are watching

18. "bird up!"... The worst show on

19. television.

20. Talk to the bird as if it's your

21. dad.

22. No, I'm not even here.

23. They're gonna morph me out.

24. No, no, no, I'm not even here.

25. All right, now talk to the bird.

26. They won't even see me.

27. i struggle it and all that, man.

28. Pretend I'm not here.

29. You ain't gonna hump on me,

30. man.

31. Pretend I'm not even here.

32. Give me a kiss, mister!

33. Ladies and gentlemen,

34. Lauren Conrad!

35. Aaaaaaah!

36. Smells like wonton soup!

37. Smells like wonton soup!

38. My crotch smells like wonton

39. soup.

40. All right.

41. What do you want to talk

42. about?

43. Um...

44. What are you working on?

45. Let's talk.

46. What am i working on?

47. Yeah, let's talk about it.

48. Um...

49. I have a couple clothing lines

50. that i work on.

51. And i feel like i just saw...

52. you listen to waka flocka at

53. all?

54. Is that a band or a song?

55. That's a-a man.

56. Yeah, no, i think i do.

57. Yeah?

58. Yeah.

59. Do they say, like,

60. "waka flocka"?

61. Yeah. Flocka!

62. Flocka.

63. I go hard in the

64. Nigga!

65. Leave you stankin', nigga!

66. What the you thinkin',

67. nigga?

68. We're off the books.

69. Mmmkay.

70. Ohh.

71. What?

72. I'm listening.

73. You gotta eat the lettuce,

74. right?

75. Just straight up eat the

76. lettuce.

77. What, uh...

78. Hey, have you ever heard a

79. guitar before?

80. Yeah.

81. They're like...

82. Stop right there!

83. Shut up!

84. Spread your legs apart!

85. All right! All right!

86. All right! All right!

87. Turn around.

88. Hey! Hey!

89. What the

90. I'm gonna call the cops!

91. Get that shit out of here!

92. Get that shit out of here!

93. I wanna that guy.

94. I could take a pinkie, but not a

95. whole dick.

96. Yeah, that'd be rough.

97. And we're back with

98. Lauren Conrad.

99. You got any nudes of your

100. husband with you?

101. Like, on me?

102. Yeah.

103. No.

104. Follow-up question... what is

105. this?

106. Looks like a clamp of some

107. sort.

108. Yeah.

109. What is... yeah.

110. I can't tell what this is.

111. Like, what is this?

112. Yeah, let's give a quick

113. shout-out to

114. Christina applegate!

115. It's like 90 degrees.

116. Oof.

117. You all right?

118. Lauren, what's going on with

119. you?

120. Nope.

121. Nope.

122. She was a great guest.

123. I like her.

124. Can i ask you a question?

125. Mm-hmm.

126. How do you explain this?

127. All right, what do we got next?

128. We got anything planned, or...?

129. What do you think people did

130. before ladders?

131. Was it just like, "well, i can't

132. fix that shit"?

133. Yeah.

134. They just throw a couple rocks

135. and then...

136. You had to keep finding

137. rocks, though!

138. A couple rocks.

139. Or you had to hold people up,

140. like, "man, they gotta..."

141. Yeah, so you're just like,

142. That."

143. That shit is just gonna be

144. broken.

145. Yeah, well, "if only there

146. was an invention."

147. "If only there was an

148. invention that would allow me to

149. get up to that place safely."

150. But that's not...

151. Till one day Thomas ladder

152. came along.

153. Thomas ladder said...

154. And he's like, "i got an

155. idea."

156. "I got an idea for y'all

157. Niggas!"

158. "Hey, y'all niggas been

159. standing on rocks the whole

160. time.

161. I got this!

162. Look at this! Lookit!"

163. Thomas ladder?

164. Sounds like lil boosie.

165. We're team go!

166. We're on the go!

167. Whoo!

168. I'm Eric!

169. I'm Michael!

170. I'm tanisha!

171. We're team go!

172. We're on the go!

173. We're team go!

174. We're team go!

175. Yeah! Yeah!

176. Team go!

177. You stole my son!

178. Stop that Van! No!

179. Ladies and gentlemen, so glad

180. to have her back on the show...

181. Reese Witherspoon!

182. You beautiful, girl!

183. Where my money at?

184. I don't owe you no

185. Money.

186. Where the my money

187. at?

188. I don't owe you money, man.

189. Where my money, man?

190. You told me... hey, man, how

191. about this?

192. How about what?

193. Yo money.

194. Nigga!

195. Everybody in this

196. mother

197. Y'all ain't

198. When's the last time i had a

199. motherjob in this

200. mother

201. All right.

202. That was excellent.

203. How did you learn that?

204. Hamo.

205. Hamo.

206. Shout-out to my bloods say,

207. "soo whoo!"

208. Play these spoons, baby doll.

209. Wow. Do your thing, girl.

210. You're making a goddamn mess,

211. Reese.

212. Yeah, yeah, you know my pussy

213. dangerous.

214. Jesus. What is this, a store?

215. You ever see 101?

216. I'm talking dalmatians, sajak!

217. Someone's crop dusting!

218. And i likey!

219. I'm addicted to cough syrup!

220. I drink it, matlock!

221. Filipinos!

222. am i right, baby?

223. The city of freaks!

224. Can i apply for a job?

225. Uhh, all right, ladies and

226. gentlemen, my final guest of

227. the evening is...

228. Hannibal buress?

229. ♪ morpheus

230. augh!