The Eric Andre Show 2x8

Directed by

Joey Fatone as Self • Richard Hatch as Self

An evil presence hides in the set. Eric presents "Hannibal's Hands". Eric and Hannibal play "Buzzers".

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Ladies and gentlemen, it's "the Eric Andre show"!

2. Ow! Ohh!

3. Ohh! Ow!

4. No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. No. No.

5. That's all I had planned for

6. the show.

7. Should I, uh... right.

8. Monologue, man.

9. Whoa!

10. Hey, Hannibal, did you hear

11. about this?

12. About what?

13. About this...

14. About this...

15. Hey, Hannibal.

16. You hear about this?

17. Hey, Hannibal, you hear about

18. this?

19. You hear about this?

20. Hey, Hannibal.

21. Have you heard about this?

22. That's what I'm talking about.

23. Gimme, g-g-g-g-g-gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme that bass gimme that bass, gimme that

24. b-b-b-bass

25. Bass

26. Who wants a drink?

27. You want a drink?

28. You want a beer?

29. You want anything?

30. Coming up.

31. Do you want some of this?

32. Want some of this?

33. Whoa!

34. What do you need?

35. What do you need?

36. Oh

37. Hey, hey, hey, hey!

38. Oh, whoa, whoa!

39. What the

40. Got it. Coming up.

41. About this...

42. All right.

43. Uh, Joey fatone.

44. What's up, man? How you been? Good.

45. You look fantastic.

46. You look fantastic.

47. What do you... what do you do

48. that I'm not doing?

49. You hit the elliptical or what?

50. It's a girdle I'm wearing.

51. Yo.

52. Check that out.

53. That's... that's nice.

54. Mmm!

55. Oh. Thank you, sir.

56. Appreciate it.

57. Thank you so much.

58. I'm loving this.

59. Thank you.

60. All right.

61. That's good stuff right

62. there.

63. So, let me talk about the

64. craziest groupie experience

65. you ever had.

66. One was, uh, pretty

67. interesting, where we've had

68. some women... hi, how you doing?

69. Hi. How are you?

70. I'm... I'm good.

71. Um, the craziest thing that we

72. ever had... there was one time

73. where we were at a hotel, and

74. there was a cart with all food

75. on top of it, and the girls were

76. hiding underneath it to see if

77. they could in the room.

78. It's pretty crazy. Yeah.

79. You're from Brooklyn.

80. Mm-hmm.

81. You ever go down to the

82. verrazano bridge and just tap

83. dance on a little beefcake?

84. Oh.

85. Hey, you ever, like, um, spray a

86. little DNA on Lance bass' tramp

87. stamp just to feel alive?

88. I was on a website...

89. celebritynetworth.

90. Mm-hmm.

91. And it says that yours is

92. $14 million.

93. I don't know what the

94. you're talking about, bud.

95. Ha ha ha.

96. You're in a sh... in a band?

97. A show?

98. Wrong!

99. I was in a band... not anymore.

100. Yeah.

101. You know what?

102. Thank you very much.

103. I appreciate it.

104. This guest is terrible.

105. You know, uh, thank you so

106. much for coming on the show.

107. Oh.

108. You know how to get to the hospital? I'm sorry.

109. Hey, you know how to get to

110. the hospital?

111. No.

112. Really?

113. Really? Hey.

114. It's time for one of my favorite

115. segments, "Hannibal's hands."

116. Hannibal's hands Hannibal's hands

117. everybody's wondering what's in Hannibal's hands

118. Oh, wouldn't you like to know

119. what's there in Hannibal's

120. hands?

121. Daddy needs his juice.

122. Oh, that's a sweet-ass ride,

123. man!

124. Hey, man, you think I could get a little squirt? Of gas.

125. What about the sweet drippings that come off it? Oh, okay.

126. Hey, you think I could get a

127. little squirt?

128. I just want a little squirt.

129. A little squirt.

130. Just a little.

131. Thank you. That's perfect.

132. Oh, thank you very much.

133. Hey, I got my squirt.

134. I got a little squirt.

135. A little squirt.

136. - You think I can get a little squirt of gas? - Squirt of gas?

137. I just love

138. that sweet, sweet taste.

139. I'm a bit of a fanatic.

140. Mmm!

141. I noticed you were pumping gas.

142. You think I could get a little

143. squirt of it?

144. I drink the stuff. I live it up.

145. I live it up.

146. I'll "s" your

147. "d" at gunpoint, my man.

148. Daddy needs his juice.

149. You know what I mean?

150. Know what I mean?

151. All right, sweetie pie.

152. Hoo!

153. It's time to play "buzzers."

154. Both: Yeah!

155. All right!

156. Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

157. Come on!

158. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

159. Whoo!

160. Will you go to the dance with

161. me?

162. And 69?

163. You know our next guest from

164. "Battlestar Galactica."

165. Please give it up for

166. Richard hatch, everybody!

167. Come on!

168. Yeah, man. I love it. Yeah. Richie!

169. How you doing?

170. I like the clock.

171. Yeah.

172. You ever, uh, say to a girl,

173. "hey, I'm Richard hatch, and i'm

174. about to put my dick in your

175. hatch"?

176. I-I...

177. Mmm!

178. I have trouble communicating

179. those kinds of words to a girl.

180. Yeah. Do you drink?

181. I do.

182. Then what's the trouble?

183. You think our foreign policy is

184. based on imperialism?

185. Do you think whose foreign

186. policy?

187. Uh, the United States foreign

188. policy.

189. Uh, I actually do.

190. But I think there's never...

191. it's never about one thing.

192. Uh, so part of the equation.

193. I think, you know, america

194. feels like we are the custodians

195. of the world in some way, and

196. in order to establish our sense

197. of...

198. Yep.

199. It's time to hatch... It... Up!

200. Hatch it up! Hatch it up!

201. Yeah!

202. Love, la-la-love

203. No. Okay.

204. By the way, how do you like

205. your, uh... your eggs?

206. Uh... sunny-side up.

207. Wow. Look at that egg. When did you get off house arrest?

208. House arrest?

209. Well, i'm still on house arrest.

210. I know, man.

211. Hey, we're looking for a nice bed. Is this a serta?

212. This is nice.

213. Yeah, that's a really good

214. mattress.

215. It's a memory foam with gel.

216. Yeah, memory gel... what is

217. that?

218. Tell us about that.

219. It's a memory foam with gel.

220. You know, the mattress come with

221. memory foam.

222. Oh.

223. I am rock hard.

224. Mm. Put a pinkie in me.

225. Mm.

226. Mm!

227. Oh, I'm gonna squirt.

228. Pull my hair.

229. Ah! Yeah!

230. Oh, yeah!

231. Yeah!

232. Oh!

233. Oh.

234. Oh. I'm a little gassy.

235. Oh

236. Make the baby weep.

237. Make the baby weep!

238. Oh, I want to get calf implants.

239. Mm.

240. Did you just pee the bed?!

241. What? Ohh.

242. That's disgusting!

243. I'm

244. embarrassed!

245. I'm embarrassed!

246. Okay!

247. Here on the program tonight with

248. his square-dancing troupe,

249. please welcome boxing legend

250. Eric Kelly!

251. What up? What up?

252. Whoo-hoo!

253. We in here, baby! Let's go!

254. Bow to your partner. Join hands. Circle, everybody.

255. Hey!

256. Do-si-do!

257. Allemande left... grand!

258. Grand, mother grand!

259. With your old ass.

260. Ladies, change.Ss. Change it up, girls.

261. One and three ladies, change!

262. You heard me mother

263. come on, white folks!

264. There you go, baby! Let's work!

265. I know one thing... worst thing

266. you can do is piss off white

267. folk.

268. All hell breaks lose then.

269. Next thing you know, you got 30

270. years... ain't did a damn thing.

271. Promenade back home.

272. Get your ass back home.

273. It's hard to promenade in them

274. young-ass jeans you got on, but

275. do what you got to do.

276. I can count the quarter in your

277. pocket.

278. You got 30¢.

279. Allemande left. Yeah.

280. Old Lionel Richie

281. jheri-curl-wearing

282. mother

283. you a blood?

284. Where you get that red-ass shirt

285. from?