The Eric Andre Show 1x7

Directed by

Javier Molina as Self (as J-Moe) • Pete Wentz as Self • Javier Molina as Self

Dave Koz joins Eric's house band.

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!req The Eric Andre Show 1x7 [02:32]
!req The Eric Andre Show 1x7 [The Eric Andre Show 1x7]
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For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req The Eric Andre Show 1x7 [10-11]; !req The Eric Andre Show 1x7 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, "THE ERIC ANDRE SHOW"!

2. "THE ERIC ANDRE SHOW"!

3. DO WHATEVER, MAN. YEAH, DO WHATEVER, MAN.

4. YEAH, DO WHATEVER, MAN. HE-E-E-E-E-E-Y!

5. YEAH, DO WHATEVER, MAN. HE-E-E-E-E-E-Y! HE-E-E-E-E-E-Y!

6. GOOD MORNING. HI. GOOD MORNING. I'D LIKE TO MAKE A DEPOSIT.

7. HI. GOOD MORNING. I'D LIKE TO MAKE A DEPOSIT. IT TOOK ME TWO WEEKS TO FILL

8. I'D LIKE TO MAKE A DEPOSIT. IT TOOK ME TWO WEEKS TO FILL THAT THING UP.

9. IT TOOK ME TWO WEEKS TO FILL THAT THING UP. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A MAN WHO

10. THAT THING UP. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A MAN WHO NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION —

11. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A MAN WHO NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION — MR. JACK NICHOLSON, EVERYBODY!

12. NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION — MR. JACK NICHOLSON, EVERYBODY! HEY!

13. MR. JACK NICHOLSON, EVERYBODY! HEY! HERE'S JOHNNY!

14. HEY! HERE'S JOHNNY!

15. HERE'S JOHNNY! WHAT'S HAPPENING, MY MAN?

16. WHAT'S HAPPENING, MY MAN? WHAT'S HAPPENING, JACK?

17. WHAT'S HAPPENING, MY MAN? WHAT'S HAPPENING, JACK? HEY!

18. WHAT'S HAPPENING, JACK? HEY! HOW ARE YOU?

19. HEY! HOW ARE YOU?

20. HOW ARE YOU? SIT DOWN, YOU OLD HOUND DOG.

21. SIT DOWN, YOU OLD HOUND DOG. AAH! HERE'S JOHNNY!

22. SIT DOWN, YOU OLD HOUND DOG. AAH! HERE'S JOHNNY!

23. AAH! HERE'S JOHNNY! YOU PLAYED THE JOKER.

24. YOU PLAYED THE JOKER. I DID.

25. YOU PLAYED THE JOKER. I DID. I WAS PRETTY GOOD.

26. I DID. I WAS PRETTY GOOD. WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

27. I WAS PRETTY GOOD. WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? WELL, I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE

28. WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? WELL, I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE A DOLLAR OUT OF 99 CENTS.

29. WELL, I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE A DOLLAR OUT OF 99 CENTS. YOU'RE ONE OF THE MOST

30. A DOLLAR OUT OF 99 CENTS. YOU'RE ONE OF THE MOST SENSUAL ARTISTS THIS SIDE OF THE

31. YOU'RE ONE OF THE MOST SENSUAL ARTISTS THIS SIDE OF THE MASON-DIXON.

32. SENSUAL ARTISTS THIS SIDE OF THE MASON-DIXON. REALLY?

33. MASON-DIXON. REALLY? YEAH.

34. REALLY? YEAH.

35. YOU'RE A VERY HANDSOME MAN. THANKS, ERIC. I'M SURE YOU HAVE QUITE THE

36. THANKS, ERIC. I'M SURE YOU HAVE QUITE THE SEXUAL RéSUMé.

37. I'M SURE YOU HAVE QUITE THE SEXUAL RéSUMé. WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS

38. SEXUAL RéSUMé. WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY — I WAS IN A ROCK-'N'-ROLL

39. WELL, LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY — I WAS IN A ROCK-'N'-ROLL GROUP, YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS

40. WAY — I WAS IN A ROCK-'N'-ROLL GROUP, YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS SINGING IN HAWAII AND STUFF, SO

41. GROUP, YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS SINGING IN HAWAII AND STUFF, SO I WAS GETTING LAID EVERY NIGHT.

42. SINGING IN HAWAII AND STUFF, SO I WAS GETTING LAID EVERY NIGHT. YEAH.

43. I WAS GETTING LAID EVERY NIGHT. YEAH. MAN, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN

44. YEAH. MAN, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN DOING THINGS LIKE STEALING CARS

45. MAN, YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN DOING THINGS LIKE STEALING CARS AND PICKING PARKING METERS, AND,

46. DOING THINGS LIKE STEALING CARS AND PICKING PARKING METERS, AND, YOU KNOW, JUST A BUNCH OF JUNK.

47. AND PICKING PARKING METERS, AND, YOU KNOW, JUST A BUNCH OF JUNK. AND I HAD SOME CHICKS THAT I MET

48. YOU KNOW, JUST A BUNCH OF JUNK. AND I HAD SOME CHICKS THAT I MET IN ONE OF THE BARS UP THERE —

49. AND I HAD SOME CHICKS THAT I MET IN ONE OF THE BARS UP THERE — THEY CAME UP WITH A SNAKE.

50. IN ONE OF THE BARS UP THERE — THEY CAME UP WITH A SNAKE. I HAD THIS BEAUTIFUL ROBE, MAN,

51. THEY CAME UP WITH A SNAKE. I HAD THIS BEAUTIFUL ROBE, MAN, AND IT WAS SILK AND IT WAS

52. I HAD THIS BEAUTIFUL ROBE, MAN, AND IT WAS SILK AND IT WAS ORIENTAL AND

53. AND IT WAS SILK AND IT WAS ORIENTAL AND AND I — WHEN I ANSWERED THE

54. ORIENTAL AND AND I — WHEN I ANSWERED THE DOOR, MY SLIPPED OUT.

55. AND I — WHEN I ANSWERED THE DOOR, MY SLIPPED OUT. AND THERE WAS THESE TWO CHICKS,

56. DOOR, MY SLIPPED OUT. AND THERE WAS THESE TWO CHICKS, AND THEY'RE LOOKING DOWN AT MY

57. AND THERE WAS THESE TWO CHICKS, AND THEY'RE LOOKING DOWN AT MY FULL-ON WOODY.

58. AND THEY'RE LOOKING DOWN AT MY FULL-ON WOODY.

59. FULL-ON WOODY. I SAID, "WHAT'S HAPPENING,

60. I SAID, "WHAT'S HAPPENING, LADIES?"

61. I SAID, "WHAT'S HAPPENING, LADIES?"

62. LADIES?" THEY WERE DANCERS.

63. THEY WERE DANCERS. THEY CAME UP WITH A PYTHON — A

64. THEY WERE DANCERS. THEY CAME UP WITH A PYTHON — A WHITE ONE.

65. THEY CAME UP WITH A PYTHON — A WHITE ONE. AND THEY DID A WHOLE THING FOR

66. WHITE ONE. AND THEY DID A WHOLE THING FOR ME UP AT MY PLACE.

67. AND THEY DID A WHOLE THING FOR ME UP AT MY PLACE. I GAVE THEM SOME GHB AND —

68. ME UP AT MY PLACE. I GAVE THEM SOME GHB AND — WHAT WHOLE THING DID THEY DO?

69. I GAVE THEM SOME GHB AND — WHAT WHOLE THING DID THEY DO? THEY TOOK THE SNAKE AND PUT

70. WHAT WHOLE THING DID THEY DO? THEY TOOK THE SNAKE AND PUT

71. THEY TOOK THE SNAKE AND PUT THAT'S WHAT — THE BIT WHERE

72. THAT'S WHAT — THE BIT WHERE THE SNAKE EATS THE GIRL'S

73. THAT'S WHAT — THE BIT WHERE THE SNAKE EATS THE GIRL'S INTESTINES?

74. THE SNAKE EATS THE GIRL'S INTESTINES? NO, NO, NOT THAT FAR.

75. INTESTINES? NO, NO, NOT THAT FAR. OH, THAT'S A DI— THAT'S — I

76. NO, NO, NOT THAT FAR. OH, THAT'S A DI— THAT'S — I THOUGHT I SAW THE SAME THING AS

77. OH, THAT'S A DI— THAT'S — I THOUGHT I SAW THE SAME THING AS YOU.

78. THOUGHT I SAW THE SAME THING AS YOU. IT MIGHT.

79. YOU. IT MIGHT. YOU PROBABLY DID SEE SOMETHING

80. IT MIGHT. YOU PROBABLY DID SEE SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

81. YOU PROBABLY DID SEE SOMETHING LIKE THAT. HELL, NOTHING SURPRISES ME NOW.

82. LIKE THAT. HELL, NOTHING SURPRISES ME NOW. I LIKED IT.

83. HELL, NOTHING SURPRISES ME NOW. I LIKED IT. DO YOU REALIZE WHAT'S GOING

84. I LIKED IT. DO YOU REALIZE WHAT'S GOING ON NOW?

85. DO YOU REALIZE WHAT'S GOING ON NOW? ARE YOU DRINKING YOUR OWN URINE?

86. ON NOW? ARE YOU DRINKING YOUR OWN URINE? PEOPLE ARE DOING IT.

87. ARE YOU DRINKING YOUR OWN URINE? PEOPLE ARE DOING IT. OHH.

88. PEOPLE ARE DOING IT. OHH. IT'S IN.

89. OHH. IT'S IN. LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU PICKING

90. IT'S IN. LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU PICKING THOSE PARKING METERS.

91. LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU PICKING THOSE PARKING METERS. OH, YEAH, I WAS THE BEST AT

92. THOSE PARKING METERS. OH, YEAH, I WAS THE BEST AT IT, MAN, TILL I GOT CAUGHT.

93. OH, YEAH, I WAS THE BEST AT IT, MAN, TILL I GOT CAUGHT. THE POLICE GOT PISSED OFF AT ME,

94. IT, MAN, TILL I GOT CAUGHT. THE POLICE GOT PISSED OFF AT ME, THEY SAID, BECAUSE I WAS PISSING

95. THE POLICE GOT PISSED OFF AT ME, THEY SAID, BECAUSE I WAS PISSING ALL OVER THEIR CAR.

96. THEY SAID, BECAUSE I WAS PISSING ALL OVER THEIR CAR. AND THEY TOOK ME IN —

97. ALL OVER THEIR CAR. AND THEY TOOK ME IN — YOU WERE PEEING ALL OVER THE

98. AND THEY TOOK ME IN — YOU WERE PEEING ALL OVER THE COP CAR?

99. YOU WERE PEEING ALL OVER THE COP CAR? YEAH.

100. COP CAR? YEAH. THEY WERE SO PISSED OFF AT

101. YEAH. THEY WERE SO PISSED OFF AT ME.

102. THEY WERE SO PISSED OFF AT ME. BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT — I WOKE

103. ME. BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT — I WOKE UP WITH A DE-CATHETER UP MY

104. BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT — I WOKE UP WITH A DE-CATHETER UP MY PENIS.

105. UP WITH A DE-CATHETER UP MY PENIS.

106. PENIS.

107. WE'RE BACK WITH JACK NICHOLSON. WE GOT A CLIP OF YOUR NEW MOVIE.

108. JACK NICHOLSON. WE GOT A CLIP OF YOUR NEW MOVIE. YOU WANT TO SET THIS UP FOR US?

109. WE GOT A CLIP OF YOUR NEW MOVIE. YOU WANT TO SET THIS UP FOR US? SURE.

110. YOU WANT TO SET THIS UP FOR US? SURE. IT'S ABOUT TAKING CARE OF

111. SURE. IT'S ABOUT TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS, MAN.

112. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

113. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

114. YEAH, BABY. JACK NICHOLSON — CRAZY AS HELL.

115. JACK NICHOLSON — CRAZY AS HELL. YOU WANT TO SEE MY NIPPLES?

116. JACK NICHOLSON — CRAZY AS HELL. YOU WANT TO SEE MY NIPPLES? EXCUSE ME.

117. YOU WANT TO SEE MY NIPPLES? EXCUSE ME. I HURT MYSELF.

118. EXCUSE ME. I HURT MYSELF. I HURT MYSELF WITH ALL THESE

119. I HURT MYSELF. I HURT MYSELF WITH ALL THESE QUESTIONS.

120. I HURT MYSELF WITH ALL THESE QUESTIONS. WHO DO YOU THINK'S GONNA WIN ALL

121. QUESTIONS. WHO DO YOU THINK'S GONNA WIN ALL THE GRAMMYS?

122. ALL RIGHT. HEY, MAN, YOUR MAIL IS HERE. [ MIDDLE-EASTERN MUSIC PLAYS ]

123. HEY, MAN, YOUR MAIL IS HERE. [ MIDDLE-EASTERN MUSIC PLAYS ] I AM ERIC ANDRAC.

124. [ MIDDLE-EASTERN MUSIC PLAYS ] I AM ERIC ANDRAC. AND I WILL PREDICT EVERYTHING

125. I AM ERIC ANDRAC. AND I WILL PREDICT EVERYTHING THAT'S IN THOSE ENVELOPES.

126. AND I WILL PREDICT EVERYTHING THAT'S IN THOSE ENVELOPES. WHY DON'T YOU JUST OPEN THEM

127. THAT'S IN THOSE ENVELOPES. WHY DON'T YOU JUST OPEN THEM UP?

128. WHY DON'T YOU JUST OPEN THEM UP? SHOULD I?

129. UP? SHOULD I? ALL RIGHT

130. SHOULD I? ALL RIGHT OHMMMMMMMM.

131. ALL RIGHT OHMMMMMMMM.

132. OHMMMMMMMM. YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA

133. YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA PREDICT WHAT WAS IN IT.

134. YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA PREDICT WHAT WAS IN IT. YOU JUST OPENED IT UP.

135. PREDICT WHAT WAS IN IT. YOU JUST OPENED IT UP. HA-HA!

136. YOU JUST OPENED IT UP. HA-HA! ALL RIGHT!

137. HA-HA! ALL RIGHT! WHO SENDS THAT?

138. ALL RIGHT! WHO SENDS THAT? MMM!

139. WHO SENDS THAT? MMM! HOW IS IT?

140. MMM! HOW IS IT? PRETTY GOOD.

141. HOW IS IT? PRETTY GOOD. WE'RE GONNA CHECK IN WITH OUR

142. PRETTY GOOD. WE'RE GONNA CHECK IN WITH OUR STREET CORRESPONDENT

143. WE'RE GONNA CHECK IN WITH OUR STREET CORRESPONDENT PAUL LITTLESON.

144. STREET CORRESPONDENT PAUL LITTLESON. PAUL, WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE

145. PAUL LITTLESON. PAUL, WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE IN THE STREET?

146. OKAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A GRIZZLY BEAR. GRIZZLY BEAR.

147. GRIZZLY BEAR. GRIZZLY BEAR.

148. ALL RIGHT! OH, MY GOD. UH...

149. OH, MY GOD. UH... DO YOU — DO YOU, UH — SO,

150. UH... DO YOU — DO YOU, UH — SO, WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

151. DO YOU — DO YOU, UH — SO, WELCOME TO THE SHOW. OHH

152. WELCOME TO THE SHOW. OHH THIS IS STILL SAFE, RIGHT?

153. OHH THIS IS STILL SAFE, RIGHT? I NO LONGER AM A FAN OF THIS

154. THIS IS STILL SAFE, RIGHT? I NO LONGER AM A FAN OF THIS BIT.

155. I NO LONGER AM A FAN OF THIS BIT. OHH!

156. ALL RIGHT, I APPRECIATE THE OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK TO YOU THIS MORNING, MAYOR AND CITY COUNCIL.

157. OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK TO YOU THIS MORNING, MAYOR AND CITY COUNCIL. I'VE GOT FIVE ITEMS THAT I'D

158. MORNING, MAYOR AND CITY COUNCIL. I'VE GOT FIVE ITEMS THAT I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS REALLY QUICKLY.

159. THANK YOU. AND A LOT OF TIMES, CARS ARE STILL OUT THERE AT 7:00, 7:30 AT

160. AND A LOT OF TIMES, CARS ARE STILL OUT THERE AT 7:00, 7:30 AT NIGHT.

161. STILL OUT THERE AT 7:00, 7:30 AT NIGHT. AND IT'S JUST A NIGHTMARE FOR

162. NIGHT. AND IT'S JUST A NIGHTMARE FOR US.

163. AND IT'S JUST A NIGHTMARE FOR US. THANK YOU, SIR.

164. US. THANK YOU, SIR. APPRECIATE THAT.

165. THANK YOU, SIR. APPRECIATE THAT.

166. APPRECIATE THAT. HEY, GUYS, VOTE FOR ME FOR

167. HEY, GUYS, VOTE FOR ME FOR CLASS PRESIDENT, AND I'LL PUT

168. HEY, GUYS, VOTE FOR ME FOR CLASS PRESIDENT, AND I'LL PUT BEER IN THE WATER FOUNTAINS AND

169. CLASS PRESIDENT, AND I'LL PUT BEER IN THE WATER FOUNTAINS AND CAMERAS IN THE GIRLS' LOCKER

170. BEER IN THE WATER FOUNTAINS AND CAMERAS IN THE GIRLS' LOCKER ROOMS!

171. CAMERAS IN THE GIRLS' LOCKER ROOMS! WHOO!

172. ROOMS! WHOO! GO, BOBCATS!

173. WHOO! GO, BOBCATS!

174. GO, BOBCATS! SIR, WOULD YOU PLEASE TAKE YOUR

175. SIR, WOULD YOU PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEAT?

176. SIR, WOULD YOU PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEAT? DON'T TASE ME, BRO!

177. SEAT? DON'T TASE ME, BRO!

178. THANKS, MAN.

179. THANKS, MAN. OHH!

180. THANKS, MAN. OHH! OH, MY GOD!

181. OHH! OH, MY GOD! THAT SUCKED.

182. I THINK "COLUMBIANA'S" A GOOD MOVIE. HAD A LOT OF POMP AND

183. MOVIE. HAD A LOT OF POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE.

184. HAD A LOT OF POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE. IT DIDN'T HAVE ANY

185. CIRCUMSTANCE. IT DIDN'T HAVE ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.

186. IT DIDN'T HAVE ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. IT HAD LOTS OF POMP, THOUGH.

187. CIRCUMSTANCE. IT HAD LOTS OF POMP, THOUGH. YEAH.

188. IT HAD LOTS OF POMP, THOUGH. YEAH.

189. YEAH. OH, IT'S LUNCHTIME.

190. OH, IT'S LUNCHTIME.

191. YEAH, IT HAD NO CIRCUMSTANCE. TOO MUCH POMP. TOO MUCH POMP.

192. TOO MUCH POMP. TOO MUCH POMP. NOT ENOUGH CIRCUMSTANCE.

193. TOO MUCH POMP. NOT ENOUGH CIRCUMSTANCE. YEAH.

194. NOT ENOUGH CIRCUMSTANCE. YEAH. LET'S CHECK BACK IN WITH PAUL,

195. YEAH. LET'S CHECK BACK IN WITH PAUL, HUH?

196. LET'S CHECK BACK IN WITH PAUL, HUH? YOU WANT TO CHECK BACK IN?

197. HUH? YOU WANT TO CHECK BACK IN? YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

198. YOU WANT TO CHECK BACK IN? YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! WE GOT SOME NEWS FROM OUR MAN

199. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! WE GOT SOME NEWS FROM OUR MAN ON THE STREET — CORRESPONDENT

200. WE GOT SOME NEWS FROM OUR MAN ON THE STREET — CORRESPONDENT PAUL LITTLESON.

201. ON THE STREET — CORRESPONDENT PAUL LITTLESON. PAUL, WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE,

202. PAUL LITTLESON. PAUL, WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE, BUDDY?

203. PAUL, WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE, BUDDY? PAUL?

204. GET ON THAT MICROPHONE, AS THOUGH YOU WERE A...

205. UH-OH. UH-OH. OH

206. OH

207. PAUL, GET YOUR DUMB ASS OUT

208. PAUL, GET YOUR DUMB ASS OUT THE WATER.

209. PAUL, GET YOUR DUMB ASS OUT THE WATER.

210. THE WATER. ♪ PAUL, YOU

211. SUCK AT BEING IN A BOAT ♪ ♪ YOU CANNOT NAVIGATE A BOAT ♪ ♪ WE WILL NOT REIMBURSE YOU FOR

212. YOUR PHONE ♪ ♪ PHONE ♪ [ MOANING, CHEWING ]

213. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY MUSICAL

214. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY MUSICAL GUEST OF THE EVENING.

215. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY MUSICAL GUEST OF THE EVENING. PLEASE WELCOME DEVANDRA BANHART

216. GUEST OF THE EVENING. PLEASE WELCOME DEVANDRA BANHART AND THE FUNKY BUNCH.

217. ♪ IN-N-N-N-N-N-N THE