The Eric Andre Show 1x5

1. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, "THE ERIC ANDRE SHOW"!

2. OHH!

3. THAT'S, UH...

4. THAT'S, UH... THAT'S ALL I HAVE PLANNED.

5. THAT'S ALL I HAVE PLANNED. WHAT SHOULD I, UH — WHAT SHOULD

6. THAT'S ALL I HAVE PLANNED. WHAT SHOULD I, UH — WHAT SHOULD I DO NEXT?

7. WHAT SHOULD I, UH — WHAT SHOULD I DO NEXT? GET YOURSELF TOGETHER, MAN.

8. I DO NEXT? GET YOURSELF TOGETHER, MAN. MOVE TO PHILLY.

9. GET YOURSELF TOGETHER, MAN. MOVE TO PHILLY. BUY A LOFT.

10. MOVE TO PHILLY. BUY A LOFT. START A NOISE BAND.

11. BUY A LOFT. START A NOISE BAND. GET SIX OR SEVEN ROOMMATES.

12. START A NOISE BAND. GET SIX OR SEVEN ROOMMATES. EAT HUMMUS WITH THEM.

13. GET SIX OR SEVEN ROOMMATES. EAT HUMMUS WITH THEM. BOOK SOME GIGS.

14. EAT HUMMUS WITH THEM. BOOK SOME GIGS. PAINT.

15. BOOK SOME GIGS. PAINT. SMOKE CLOVES.

16. PAINT. SMOKE CLOVES. LISTEN TO ANIMAL COLLECTIVE.

17. SMOKE CLOVES. LISTEN TO ANIMAL COLLECTIVE. START SOME TYPE OF SALSA

18. LISTEN TO ANIMAL COLLECTIVE. START SOME TYPE OF SALSA COMPANY.

19. START SOME TYPE OF SALSA COMPANY. MM-HMM.

20. COMPANY. MM-HMM.

21. MM-HMM.

22. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A WOMAN WHO NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION.

23. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A WOMAN WHO NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION. PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR

24. WHO NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION. PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR REESE WITHERSPOON, EVERYBODY!

25. PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR REESE WITHERSPOON, EVERYBODY!

26. REESE WITHERSPOON, EVERYBODY! YEAH, REESE!

27. YEAH, REESE! YOU LOOK GOOD, SON.

28. YEAH, REESE! YOU LOOK GOOD, SON. LOOKING GOOD, GIRL.

29. YOU LOOK GOOD, SON. LOOKING GOOD, GIRL. REESE!

30. LOOKING GOOD, GIRL. REESE! YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD, TOO,

31. REESE! YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD, TOO, YOUR MOPEY-LOOKING ASS.

32. YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD, TOO, YOUR MOPEY-LOOKING ASS. OH.

33. YOUR MOPEY-LOOKING ASS. OH. SO, REESE, WHAT ARE YOU WORKING

34. OH. SO, REESE, WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON, BABE?

35. SO, REESE, WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON, BABE? I'M WORKING ON, UH, THESE

36. ON, BABE? I'M WORKING ON, UH, THESE MOVIES, TRYING TO GET PEACE IN

37. I'M WORKING ON, UH, THESE MOVIES, TRYING TO GET PEACE IN THE 'HOOD.

38. MOVIES, TRYING TO GET PEACE IN THE 'HOOD. YEP.

39. THE 'HOOD. YEP. I'M TRYING TO JUST MAKE THESE

40. YEP. I'M TRYING TO JUST MAKE THESE BABIES.

41. I'M TRYING TO JUST MAKE THESE BABIES. THAT'S WHAT THE I'M

42. BABIES. THAT'S WHAT THE I'M TRYING TO DO.

43. THAT'S WHAT THE I'M TRYING TO DO. IF MATTHEW BRODERICK WAS HERE

44. TRYING TO DO. IF MATTHEW BRODERICK WAS HERE IN THE AUDIENCE, WHAT WOULD YOU

45. IF MATTHEW BRODERICK WAS HERE IN THE AUDIENCE, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO HIM RIGHT NOW?

46. IN THE AUDIENCE, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO HIM RIGHT NOW? SUCK MY

47. SAY TO HIM RIGHT NOW? SUCK MY "R-DUBS."

48. SUCK MY "R-DUBS." I WOULD RATHER — I WOULD

49. "R-DUBS." I WOULD RATHER — I WOULD RATHER TWO MIDGETS ON A

50. I WOULD RATHER — I WOULD RATHER TWO MIDGETS ON A TOADSTOOL.

51. RATHER TWO MIDGETS ON A TOADSTOOL. THAT'S WHAT THE I'D

52. TOADSTOOL. THAT'S WHAT THE I'D RATHER MESS WITH.

53. THAT'S WHAT THE I'D RATHER MESS WITH. "HAVE YOU OR YOUR PARTNER HAD

54. RATHER MESS WITH. "HAVE YOU OR YOUR PARTNER HAD SEXUAL ACTIVITY IN THE PAST FIVE

55. "HAVE YOU OR YOUR PARTNER HAD SEXUAL ACTIVITY IN THE PAST FIVE YEARS WITH ANY PERSON WHOM YOU

56. SEXUAL ACTIVITY IN THE PAST FIVE YEARS WITH ANY PERSON WHOM YOU KNOW TO HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO

57. YEARS WITH ANY PERSON WHOM YOU KNOW TO HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO H.I.V., THE VIRUS THAT CAUSES

58. KNOW TO HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO H.I.V., THE VIRUS THAT CAUSES AIDS?"

59. H.I.V., THE VIRUS THAT CAUSES AIDS?" PROBABLY.

60. AIDS?" PROBABLY. OKAY.

61. PROBABLY. OKAY. YOU USED TO LIVE IN BROOKLYN.

62. OKAY. YOU USED TO LIVE IN BROOKLYN. NO, QUEENS.

63. YOU USED TO LIVE IN BROOKLYN. NO, QUEENS. I WAS AT ROSEDALE.

64. NO, QUEENS. I WAS AT ROSEDALE. THAT'S OFF THE "F"?

65. I WAS AT ROSEDALE. THAT'S OFF THE "F"? NO, IT'S OFF THE BUS.

66. THAT'S OFF THE "F"? NO, IT'S OFF THE BUS. AND THEY TRYING TO SELL TREES TO

67. NO, IT'S OFF THE BUS. AND THEY TRYING TO SELL TREES TO YOU, AND YOU'RE JUST LIKE, "NO,

68. AND THEY TRYING TO SELL TREES TO YOU, AND YOU'RE JUST LIKE, "NO, I DON'T WANT THAT.

69. YOU, AND YOU'RE JUST LIKE, "NO, I DON'T WANT THAT. I JUST WANT TO GET HOME."

70. I DON'T WANT THAT. I JUST WANT TO GET HOME." RIGHT.

71. I JUST WANT TO GET HOME." RIGHT. EVERYBODY'S TRYING TO SAY, "YO,

72. RIGHT. EVERYBODY'S TRYING TO SAY, "YO, YOU SMOKE?

73. EVERYBODY'S TRYING TO SAY, "YO, YOU SMOKE? YOU SMOKE? YOU SMOKE?"

74. YOU SMOKE? YOU SMOKE? YOU SMOKE?" YEAH, YEAH.

75. YOU SMOKE? YOU SMOKE?" YEAH, YEAH. AND I THINK BECAUSE I'M WHO I

76. YEAH, YEAH. AND I THINK BECAUSE I'M WHO I AM, THEY THINK I WON'T RIDE THE

77. AND I THINK BECAUSE I'M WHO I AM, THEY THINK I WON'T RIDE THE NUMBER FOUR BUS.

78. AM, THEY THINK I WON'T RIDE THE NUMBER FOUR BUS. RIGHT, RIGHT.

79. NUMBER FOUR BUS. RIGHT, RIGHT. IT'S A STATUS THING.

80. RIGHT, RIGHT. IT'S A STATUS THING. YEAH. AND IT'S BULL

81. IT'S A STATUS THING. YEAH. AND IT'S BULL I MEAN, YOU GOT

82. YEAH. AND IT'S BULL I MEAN, YOU GOT LOUIS VUITTON, YOU GOT GUCCI ON.

83. I MEAN, YOU GOT LOUIS VUITTON, YOU GOT GUCCI ON. YEAH, YEAH.

84. LOUIS VUITTON, YOU GOT GUCCI ON. YEAH, YEAH. AND THEN WE HAVE, LIKE, THE

85. YEAH, YEAH. AND THEN WE HAVE, LIKE, THE JAMAICAN BEHIND ME LIKE, "YEAH,

86. AND THEN WE HAVE, LIKE, THE JAMAICAN BEHIND ME LIKE, "YEAH, I'D LOVE TO HAVE A WHITE GIRL."

87. JAMAICAN BEHIND ME LIKE, "YEAH, I'D LOVE TO HAVE A WHITE GIRL." MM-HMM.

88. I'D LOVE TO HAVE A WHITE GIRL." MM-HMM. I EVERYTHING.

89. MM-HMM. I EVERYTHING.

90. I EVERYTHING. IN THE NEXT FOUR OR FIVE

91. IN THE NEXT FOUR OR FIVE YEARS, DO YOU THINK AL SHARPTON

92. IN THE NEXT FOUR OR FIVE YEARS, DO YOU THINK AL SHARPTON WILL BE PRESIDENT?

93. YEARS, DO YOU THINK AL SHARPTON WILL BE PRESIDENT? NEVER.

94. WILL BE PRESIDENT? NEVER. I DON'T THINK AL SHARPTON

95. NEVER. I DON'T THINK AL SHARPTON WILL BE PRESIDENT OF ANYTHING

96. I DON'T THINK AL SHARPTON WILL BE PRESIDENT OF ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR THE ASSOCIATION OF

97. WILL BE PRESIDENT OF ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR THE ASSOCIATION OF GREASY MOTHER

98. EXCEPT FOR THE ASSOCIATION OF GREASY MOTHER

99. GREASY MOTHER ZING, AL SHARPTON.

100. ZING, AL SHARPTON. DON'T WITH ME.

101. I THINK PEOPLE MAKE TOO BIG OF A DEAL ABOUT COUNTERFEIT MONEY.

102. I THINK PEOPLE MAKE TOO BIG OF A DEAL ABOUT COUNTERFEIT MONEY. YOU KNOW HOW WE COULD WORK WITH

103. DEAL ABOUT COUNTERFEIT MONEY. YOU KNOW HOW WE COULD WORK WITH COUNTERFEIT MONEY?

104. YOU KNOW HOW WE COULD WORK WITH COUNTERFEIT MONEY? JUST EVERYONE ACT LIKE IT'S

105. COUNTERFEIT MONEY? JUST EVERYONE ACT LIKE IT'S REAL AND EVERYTHING WILL BE

106. JUST EVERYONE ACT LIKE IT'S REAL AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

107. REAL AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. GET THAT FAKE DOUGH AND LET'S

108. FINE. GET THAT FAKE DOUGH AND LET'S JUST PASS IT AROUND AND BUY

109. GET THAT FAKE DOUGH AND LET'S JUST PASS IT AROUND AND BUY SANDWICHES AND CARS.

110. JUST PASS IT AROUND AND BUY SANDWICHES AND CARS.

111. MISS, 10 MINUTES FOR KILLING WHALES? WE'RE GONNA KILL THE WHALES.

112. WHALES? WE'RE GONNA KILL THE WHALES. IT'S LIKE...

113. WE'RE GONNA KILL THE WHALES. IT'S LIKE... WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

114. IT'S LIKE... WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHALES ENDANGER THE SURVIVAL

115. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHALES ENDANGER THE SURVIVAL OF SOME SPECIES OF FISH AND

116. WHALES ENDANGER THE SURVIVAL OF SOME SPECIES OF FISH AND MOLLUSKS.

117. OF SOME SPECIES OF FISH AND MOLLUSKS. AN AVERAGE SPERM WHALE RELEASES

118. MOLLUSKS. AN AVERAGE SPERM WHALE RELEASES NEARLY 2,000 GALLONS OF SPERM

119. AN AVERAGE SPERM WHALE RELEASES NEARLY 2,000 GALLONS OF SPERM IN THE OCEAN EVERY MONTH.

120. NEARLY 2,000 GALLONS OF SPERM IN THE OCEAN EVERY MONTH. WHALES ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OVER

121. IN THE OCEAN EVERY MONTH. WHALES ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OVER TWO HUMAN DEATHS A YEAR.

122. WHALES ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OVER TWO HUMAN DEATHS A YEAR. HEY, COULD I JUST GET A QUICK

123. TWO HUMAN DEATHS A YEAR. HEY, COULD I JUST GET A QUICK 45 MINUTES?

124. HEY, COULD I JUST GET A QUICK 45 MINUTES? I'M NOT GONNA SIGN IT.

125. 45 MINUTES? I'M NOT GONNA SIGN IT. OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE HOMOPHOBIC,

126. I'M NOT GONNA SIGN IT. OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE HOMOPHOBIC, BUT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN

127. OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE HOMOPHOBIC, BUT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN KILLING THE WHALES?

128. BUT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN KILLING THE WHALES? I WON'T SIGN PETITIONS AND

129. KILLING THE WHALES? I WON'T SIGN PETITIONS AND GIVE MY PERSONAL INFORMATION ON

130. I WON'T SIGN PETITIONS AND GIVE MY PERSONAL INFORMATION ON PETITIONS.

131. GIVE MY PERSONAL INFORMATION ON PETITIONS. OKAY, BUT ARE YOU INTERESTED

132. PETITIONS. OKAY, BUT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN KILLING THE WHALE?

133. OKAY, BUT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN KILLING THE WHALE? THEY HAVE A LOT OF DELICIOUS

134. IN KILLING THE WHALE? THEY HAVE A LOT OF DELICIOUS MEAT.

135. THEY HAVE A LOT OF DELICIOUS MEAT. NO, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN

136. MEAT. NO, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN KILLING THE WHALES.

137. NO, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN KILLING THE WHALES. WELL, THEY'RE POLLUTING THE

138. KILLING THE WHALES. WELL, THEY'RE POLLUTING THE OCEAN WITH THEIR POO-POO AND

139. WELL, THEY'RE POLLUTING THE OCEAN WITH THEIR POO-POO AND THEIR PEE-PEE.

140. OCEAN WITH THEIR POO-POO AND THEIR PEE-PEE. I'M TOTALLY AWARE OF ALL OF

141. THEIR PEE-PEE. I'M TOTALLY AWARE OF ALL OF THIS STUFF.

142. I'M TOTALLY AWARE OF ALL OF THIS STUFF. WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN

143. THIS STUFF. WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN KILLING THE WHALES?

144. WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN KILLING THE WHALES? WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN

145. KILLING THE WHALES? WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN DANCING?

146. WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN DANCING? YES.

147. DANCING? YES.

148. YES. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN KILLING

149. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN KILLING THE WHALES?

150. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN KILLING THE WHALES? I WOULD LOVE TO KILL THE

151. THE WHALES? I WOULD LOVE TO KILL THE WHALES — NO, I DON'T WANT TO

152. I WOULD LOVE TO KILL THE WHALES — NO, I DON'T WANT TO KILL THE WHALES!

153. WHALES — NO, I DON'T WANT TO KILL THE WHALES! WELL, YOU SAID IT FIRST.

154. KILL THE WHALES! WELL, YOU SAID IT FIRST. NOT ME.

155. WELL, YOU SAID IT FIRST. NOT ME. I'M NOT INTO THAT. YOU ARE.

156. NOT ME. I'M NOT INTO THAT. YOU ARE. SO, WE'RE BACK WITH MAXI.

157. I'M NOT INTO THAT. YOU ARE. SO, WE'RE BACK WITH MAXI. NEW BOOK COMING OUT.

158. SO, WE'RE BACK WITH MAXI. NEW BOOK COMING OUT.

159. NEW BOOK COMING OUT. HIS NEW BOOK HITS THE SHELVES

160. HIS NEW BOOK HITS THE SHELVES OCTOBER 38th.

161. HIS NEW BOOK HITS THE SHELVES OCTOBER 38th. THAT'S NOT A DATE.

162. OCTOBER 38th. THAT'S NOT A DATE.

163. THAT'S NOT A DATE. I THINK WE GOT A CLIP OF YOUR

164. I THINK WE GOT A CLIP OF YOUR NEW MUSIC VIDEO.

165. I THINK WE GOT A CLIP OF YOUR NEW MUSIC VIDEO. LET'S ROLL THE CLIP.

166. NEW MUSIC VIDEO. LET'S ROLL THE CLIP.

167. LET'S ROLL THE CLIP. ALL RIGHT! I LOVE IT.

168. ALL RIGHT! I LOVE IT. JAMMIN'.

169. ALL RIGHT! I LOVE IT. JAMMIN'. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

170. JAMMIN'. THANK YOU SO MUCH. THAT'S MAXI, EVERYBODY.

171. THANK YOU SO MUCH. THAT'S MAXI, EVERYBODY. MAXI!

172. THAT'S MAXI, EVERYBODY. MAXI!

173. MAXI!

174. THE NEXT GUEST COMING TO THE

175. THE NEXT GUEST COMING TO THE STAGE — YOU'VE SEEN HIM ON THE

176. THE NEXT GUEST COMING TO THE STAGE — YOU'VE SEEN HIM ON THE SHOW "DOCTORS."

177. STAGE — YOU'VE SEEN HIM ON THE SHOW "DOCTORS." PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR

178. SHOW "DOCTORS." PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR DR. DREW ORDON.

179. PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR DR. DREW ORDON. COME ON OUT.

180. DR. DREW ORDON. COME ON OUT.

181. COME ON OUT. SHOWTIME!

182. SHOWTIME! ALL RIGHT!

183. SHOWTIME! ALL RIGHT! THAT'S WHAT I DO.

184. ALL RIGHT! THAT'S WHAT I DO. HOW ARE YOU?

185. THAT'S WHAT I DO. HOW ARE YOU? I'M GOOD, DREW.

186. HOW ARE YOU? I'M GOOD, DREW. THANKS FOR HAVING ME.

187. I'M GOOD, DREW. THANKS FOR HAVING ME. THE MAN HIMSELF.

188. THANKS FOR HAVING ME. THE MAN HIMSELF. HOW YOU DOING?

189. THE MAN HIMSELF. HOW YOU DOING? IS THIS MY SEAT?

190. HOW YOU DOING? IS THIS MY SEAT? YEAH. GO FOR IT.

191. IS THIS MY SEAT? YEAH. GO FOR IT. BOY, IT'S WARM.

192. YEAH. GO FOR IT. BOY, IT'S WARM. YOU EVER JUST GET ALL

193. BOY, IT'S WARM. YOU EVER JUST GET ALL LIQUORED UP AND DO A LITTLE

194. YOU EVER JUST GET ALL LIQUORED UP AND DO A LITTLE SURGERY ON YOURSELF?

195. LIQUORED UP AND DO A LITTLE SURGERY ON YOURSELF? JUST TAKE THE SCALPEL OUT.

196. SURGERY ON YOURSELF? JUST TAKE THE SCALPEL OUT. "OH, LET ME BRAISE MY

197. JUST TAKE THE SCALPEL OUT. "OH, LET ME BRAISE MY CHEEKBONES."

198. "OH, LET ME BRAISE MY CHEEKBONES." YEAH, I PROBABLY HAVE GIVEN

199. CHEEKBONES." YEAH, I PROBABLY HAVE GIVEN MYSELF A LITTLE BOTOX AFTER A

200. YEAH, I PROBABLY HAVE GIVEN MYSELF A LITTLE BOTOX AFTER A FEW POPS, READY TO GO OUT.

201. MYSELF A LITTLE BOTOX AFTER A FEW POPS, READY TO GO OUT. DOC, YOU EVER GIVE SOMEBODY

202. FEW POPS, READY TO GO OUT. DOC, YOU EVER GIVE SOMEBODY BOTOX, BUT YOU'RE THINKING, "YO,

203. DOC, YOU EVER GIVE SOMEBODY BOTOX, BUT YOU'RE THINKING, "YO, BOTOX CAN'T FIX THAT UGLY, BUT

204. BOTOX, BUT YOU'RE THINKING, "YO, BOTOX CAN'T FIX THAT UGLY, BUT I'M GONNA MAKE THIS MONEY"?

205. BOTOX CAN'T FIX THAT UGLY, BUT I'M GONNA MAKE THIS MONEY"?

206. I'M GONNA MAKE THIS MONEY"? AND IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU'RE

207. AND IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU'RE A DOCTOR FOR THE BORDER PATROL?

208. AND IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU'RE A DOCTOR FOR THE BORDER PATROL? NO.

209. A DOCTOR FOR THE BORDER PATROL? NO. YOU'RE JUST DOING SURGERY ON

210. NO. YOU'RE JUST DOING SURGERY ON PEOPLE AS THEY'RE COMING IN

211. YOU'RE JUST DOING SURGERY ON PEOPLE AS THEY'RE COMING IN OR...

212. PEOPLE AS THEY'RE COMING IN OR... I'M NOT A DOCTOR FOR THE

213. OR... I'M NOT A DOCTOR FOR THE BORDER PATROL.

214. I'M NOT A DOCTOR FOR THE BORDER PATROL. I GO ACROSS THE BORDER EVERY NOW

215. BORDER PATROL. I GO ACROSS THE BORDER EVERY NOW AND THEN, BUT...

216. I GO ACROSS THE BORDER EVERY NOW AND THEN, BUT... I'VE BEEN HAVING, LIKE, A LOT

217. AND THEN, BUT... I'VE BEEN HAVING, LIKE, A LOT OF PAIN.

218. I'VE BEEN HAVING, LIKE, A LOT OF PAIN. I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD,

219. OF PAIN. I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD, LIKE...

220. I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD, LIKE... YOU WANT ME TO CHECK YOU OUT?

221. LIKE... YOU WANT ME TO CHECK YOU OUT? YEAH.

222. YOU WANT ME TO CHECK YOU OUT? YEAH. I THINK HE'S TRYING TO GET,

223. YEAH. I THINK HE'S TRYING TO GET, LIKE, A MARIJUANA CARD OR

224. I THINK HE'S TRYING TO GET, LIKE, A MARIJUANA CARD OR SOMETHING.

225. LIKE, A MARIJUANA CARD OR SOMETHING. OR GET OUT OF THE DRAFT OR

226. SOMETHING. OR GET OUT OF THE DRAFT OR SOMETHING.

227. OR GET OUT OF THE DRAFT OR SOMETHING. YEAH, I'M TRYING TO DODGE THE

228. SOMETHING. YEAH, I'M TRYING TO DODGE THE DRAFT.

229. YEAH, I'M TRYING TO DODGE THE DRAFT. YOU KNOW, I'M QUITE A BIT

230. DRAFT. YOU KNOW, I'M QUITE A BIT OLDER THAN YOU.

231. YOU KNOW, I'M QUITE A BIT OLDER THAN YOU. I GOT DRAFTED FOR VIETNAM, AND I

232. OLDER THAN YOU. I GOT DRAFTED FOR VIETNAM, AND I REMEMBER THAT DAY, GOING TO THE

233. I GOT DRAFTED FOR VIETNAM, AND I REMEMBER THAT DAY, GOING TO THE DRAFT BOARD HERE IN L.A.

234. REMEMBER THAT DAY, GOING TO THE DRAFT BOARD HERE IN L.A. YEAH. ALL RIGHT. HERE.

235. DRAFT BOARD HERE IN L.A. YEAH. ALL RIGHT. HERE. LET ME HOP UP ON THE TABLE.

236. YEAH. ALL RIGHT. HERE. LET ME HOP UP ON THE TABLE.

237. LET ME HOP UP ON THE TABLE. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

238. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

239. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? SORRY ABOUT THAT. I'M OKAY.

240. SORRY ABOUT THAT. I'M OKAY. I'M ALL RIGHT.

241. SORRY ABOUT THAT. I'M OKAY. I'M ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT.

242. I'M ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT.

243. I'M ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

244. I'M ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT.

245. I'M ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. I'M ALL RIGHT. THAT — THAT'S NOT STURDY AT

246. I'M ALL RIGHT. THAT — THAT'S NOT STURDY AT ALL.

247. THAT — THAT'S NOT STURDY AT ALL.

248. ALL. YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE NEVER HAD

249. YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE NEVER HAD IN MY LIFE?

250. YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE NEVER HAD IN MY LIFE? PENGUIN MEAT.

251. IN MY LIFE? PENGUIN MEAT.

252. PENGUIN MEAT. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE

253. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME STAND-UP COMEDIAN

254. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME STAND-UP COMEDIAN TONY LAM, EVERYBODY!

255. WELCOME STAND-UP COMEDIAN TONY LAM, EVERYBODY!

256. ALL RIGHT.

257. ONE LADY WENT TO THEATER TO SEE A MOVIE. THE GUY SITTING IN FRONT OF

258. A MOVIE. THE GUY SITTING IN FRONT OF HIM — HER SWING BOTH SIDE.

259. THE GUY SITTING IN FRONT OF HIM — HER SWING BOTH SIDE. KEEP DOING SWINGING.

260. HIM — HER SWING BOTH SIDE. KEEP DOING SWINGING. THE LADY TAP ON HIS SHOULDER.

261. KEEP DOING SWINGING. THE LADY TAP ON HIS SHOULDER. "HEY!

262. THE LADY TAP ON HIS SHOULDER. "HEY! YOU SWING BOTH SIDES.

263. "HEY! YOU SWING BOTH SIDES. HOW CAN I SEE?"

264. YOU SWING BOTH SIDES. HOW CAN I SEE?" THE GUY SAID...

265. HOW CAN I SEE?" THE GUY SAID...

266. "I'M A SAILOR. I GET USED TO THAT WAY." THEN THE LADY GOT SO PISSED OFF.

267. I GET USED TO THAT WAY." THEN THE LADY GOT SO PISSED OFF. SHE RAN UP, MOVED TO SIT IN

268. THEN THE LADY GOT SO PISSED OFF. SHE RAN UP, MOVED TO SIT IN FRONT OF THAT GUY.

269. SHE RAN UP, MOVED TO SIT IN FRONT OF THAT GUY. SHE JUST SIT LIKE THAT.

270. FRONT OF THAT GUY. SHE JUST SIT LIKE THAT. AND THAT GUY TAP ON HER

271. SHE JUST SIT LIKE THAT. AND THAT GUY TAP ON HER SHOULDER.

272. AND THAT GUY TAP ON HER SHOULDER. "HEY!

273. SHOULDER. "HEY! LADY, YOU KEEP DOING THAT, HOW

274. "HEY! LADY, YOU KEEP DOING THAT, HOW CAN I SEE?"

275. LADY, YOU KEEP DOING THAT, HOW CAN I SEE?" SHE SAY, YOU!

276. CAN I SEE?" SHE SAY, YOU! I'M A WHORE!

277. SHE SAY, YOU! I'M A WHORE! GET USED TO THAT WAY."

278. I'M A WHORE! GET USED TO THAT WAY." SO WHAT?

279. GET USED TO THAT WAY." SO WHAT?

280. SO WHAT? GOT THAT?

281. GOT THAT? ALL RIGHT!

282. GOT THAT? ALL RIGHT! TONY LAM.

283. ALL RIGHT! TONY LAM. OH, MY GOD.

284. HEY, MAN. YOU INTO, LIKE, CRAZY-ASS

285. YOU INTO, LIKE, CRAZY-ASS HUH?

286. HUH? YOU INTO CRAZY-ASS LIKE

287. YOU INTO CRAZY-ASS LIKE POOP

288. LIKE POOP HUH?

289. POOP HUH? YOU INTO, LIKE, WEIRD

290. HUH? YOU INTO, LIKE, WEIRD NO.

291. YOU INTO, LIKE, WEIRD NO. UH, WE'RE SIGNING A PETITION

292. NO. UH, WE'RE SIGNING A PETITION ABOUT KILLING WHALES.

293. UH, WE'RE SIGNING A PETITION ABOUT KILLING WHALES. UM, WE WERE JUST WONDERING IF

294. ABOUT KILLING WHALES. UM, WE WERE JUST WONDERING IF YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN, LIKE,

295. UM, WE WERE JUST WONDERING IF YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN, LIKE, VEGAN, LIKE, BIBLICAL JESUS,

296. YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN, LIKE, VEGAN, LIKE, BIBLICAL JESUS, LIKE, MOHAMMED...

297. VEGAN, LIKE, BIBLICAL JESUS, LIKE, MOHAMMED... NO, I'M GOOD.

298. LIKE, MOHAMMED... NO, I'M GOOD. LIKE, BUDDHA, LIKE, HARDCORE

299. NO, I'M GOOD. LIKE, BUDDHA, LIKE, HARDCORE "HTTP/MILES DAVIS FINGER-LICKING

300. LIKE, BUDDHA, LIKE, HARDCORE "HTTP/MILES DAVIS FINGER-LICKING GOOD," LIKE, SAMMY DAVIS JR.,

301. "HTTP/MILES DAVIS FINGER-LICKING GOOD," LIKE, SAMMY DAVIS JR., LIKE, FREESTYLE, LIKE, "HOOKED

302. GOOD," LIKE, SAMMY DAVIS JR., LIKE, FREESTYLE, LIKE, "HOOKED ON PHONICS" KIND OF BOOK-IT...

303. LIKE, FREESTYLE, LIKE, "HOOKED ON PHONICS" KIND OF BOOK-IT... HAVE A GOOD DAY.

304. ON PHONICS" KIND OF BOOK-IT... HAVE A GOOD DAY. "A-B-C-D-E-F-G" KIND OF

305. HAVE A GOOD DAY. "A-B-C-D-E-F-G" KIND OF STUFF.

306. WE'RE GOING REVERSE STREAKING!

307. LADIES... LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT MUSICAL GUEST, MR. MUTHA

308. MUSICAL GUEST, MR. MUTHA EXQUIRE, EVERYBODY!

309. COME ON! EVERYBODY! THIS REAL?

310. THIS REAL? YEAH.

311. YEAH. ♪ WE IN THIS

312. BITCH ♪ ♪ IT'S THE PASSION IN THIS

313. BITCH ♪ ♪ IT'S THE PASSION IN THIS

314. BITCH ♪ ♪ IT'S THE PASSION IN THIS

315. BITCH ♪ ♪ IT'S THE PASSION IN THIS

316. BITCH ♪ ♪ IT'S THE PASSION IN THIS

317. BITCH ♪ ♪ IT'S THE PASSION IN THIS

318. BITCH ♪ ♪ IT'S THE PASSION IN THIS

319. ZIP IT TO MY CAMEL BUMP ♪ ♪ NOW WEIGH THE SCALES OF

320. MONOGAMY ♪ ♪ ONE BITCH PICKED HIS BIG BUTT,

321. CUP ♪

322. THAT COLD!

323. THAT COLD!

324. ALL RIGHT, CUT, CUT, CUT,

325. ALL RIGHT, CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT.

326. CUT, CUT, CUT, CUT. YOU GOT TO EMBRACE IT!