1. Oh, this dinner party
is gonna be so much fun.Copy !req
2. I get to be with my drinking buddies,
and you get to be with their wives.Copy !req
3. I can't believe you've never been
to Tim's pad before.Copy !req
4. Arianna was pretty judgmental about me
being a single mother.Copy !req
5. She always used to ask me
how it felt to tear apartCopy !req
6. the fabric of American society.Copy !req
7. How did it feel?Copy !req
8. I'm just kidding.Copy !req
9. In her defense,
you were driving down real estate values.Copy !req
10. But not anymore.
Prince Charming has arrived.Copy !req
11. Last looks. Any chives?Copy !req
12. They're all over. What were you eating?Copy !req
13. Chives.Copy !req
14. Hey, everybody. Who's your friend, Holt?Copy !req
15. Name's Fabrizia. Doesn't speak English.Copy !req
16. But check out those front air bags, huh?Copy !req
17. I'm gonna get in a wreck tonight, right?Copy !req
18. Don't worry. I'll be all right.
Cleveland knows what I'm talking about.Copy !req
19. Uh, her, uh...Copy !req
20. - Count it.
- Hey, Lester, where's your gross wife?Copy !req
21. I'm out here.Copy !req
22. The Bears ain't got no Rascal ramp.Copy !req
23. So you're just gonna sit outside?Copy !req
24. I don't mind.Copy !req
25. This way, I don't gotta be so conscious
about my gas.Copy !req
26. There it is.Copy !req
27. Well, that was food.
I wish we could stay longer, but—Copy !req
28. Okay, Celebrity!
Only clue you can't give is their name.Copy !req
29. Males against females.Copy !req
30. Vorresti scopare o no?Copy !req
31. Yeah, you're attractive, too.Copy !req
32. - Che cos'e?
- Whoa! You speak Italian?Copy !req
33. Don't ask her anything
about our relationship. She's a liar!Copy !req
34. Lui mi deve settanta-cinque
dollari per un'or a.Copy !req
35. She says you owe her $75
for one more hour.Copy !req
36. We had a bet that Tim
would wanna play Celebrity.Copy !req
37. You were right.Copy !req
38. Non so che cosa ti ha detto,
ma io sono prostituta.Copy !req
39. There was no bet.
She is a prostitute.Copy !req
40. Huh. Come on, fellas,
let's wipe the floor with our wivesCopy !req
41. and this woman Holt pays to have sex with.Copy !req
42. Let's go, Cleveland.Copy !req
43. Ooh, somebody's afraid
her team's gonna lose.Copy !req
44. "Oh, I'm a girl. I'm bad at games
and math. And comedy."Copy !req
45. Here we go. He was in the TV show, Combat,
with Vic Morrow.Copy !req
46. Rick Jason. Next.Copy !req
47. - He had a band—
- Dave Brubeck. Next.Copy !req
48. - He was the shortest man in the—
- Michu. Next.Copy !req
49. He played shortstop for the Minnesota—Copy !req
50. - Roy Smalley!
- Time's up.Copy !req
51. Your turn, ladies.Copy !req
52. He's married to Katie Holmes.Copy !req
53. He was in Risky Business, Top Gun,
Jerry Maguire, and Rain Man.Copy !req
54. Jumped on Oprah's couch!Copy !req
55. You gotta be kidding me.Copy !req
56. He's a Scientologist.Copy !req
57. - My Name Is Earl?
- What the—Copy !req
58. My Name is Earl.Copy !req
59. Time's up. You ladies suck!Copy !req
60. "Suck?"Copy !req
61. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
62. Oh!Copy !req
63. Well, I think we've all had about enough
of this game.Copy !req
64. Word!Copy !req
65. So what do you say, Tim?Copy !req
66. How about the boys
go downstairs to the denCopy !req
67. while you ladies have a tickle fight
and talk about cupcakes?Copy !req
68. I figure
you can never have enough confetti.Copy !req
69. So I make my own.Copy !req
70. And whenever there's a parade,
I grab a couple of handfuls.Copy !req
71. Open that drawer over there.Copy !req
72. Take a handful. Take it home with you.Copy !req
73. Happy New Year's!Copy !req
74. That sure was a fun party.
We have good friends.Copy !req
75. You have good friends.Copy !req
76. What, is there something wrong?Copy !req
77. Mm...Copy !req
78. No, Cleveland. I'm just tired.Copy !req
79. And you can quit jabbing me
'cause I'm going to sleep.Copy !req
80. Fine.Copy !req
81. Good night, madam.Copy !req
82. Oh, hello, madam.Copy !req
83. All right, traps and yappers,
shut 'em down.Copy !req
84. Before today's assembly,
I have a few short announcements.Copy !req
85. Despite the best efforts
of our Amnesty International Club,Copy !req
86. political prisoner, Lopsang Dao,
was beheaded last night.Copy !req
87. You win some, you lose some.Copy !req
88. Also, your nominees
for student council president are...Copy !req
89. Cool deaf kid, Oliver Wilkerson...Copy !req
90. Yeah! I'm gonna win!Copy !req
91. And Cleveland Brown, Jr.Copy !req
92. Huh. Guess I must be getting popular.Copy !req
93. Dude, I nominated
your brother as a joke.Copy !req
94. Aw, that's mean.Copy !req
95. Can you imagine him running for president?Copy !req
96. I can't imagine him running.Copy !req
97. I answered it last time.Copy !req
98. No, I did.Copy !req
99. I don't think so.Copy !req
100. Cleveland, remember?Copy !req
101. I'll get it.Copy !req
102. Oh, yeah, you got shot. I'll get this one.Copy !req
103. Hello, Cleveland.Copy !req
104. Oh, Donna, a group of us girls
always get togetherCopy !req
105. to watch Grey's AnatomyCopy !req
106. and eat Chinese food, just like Sandra Oh.Copy !req
107. Are you free Thursday night?Copy !req
108. - Yeah, she's free Thursday night.
- Actually, Cleveland, I have to—Copy !req
109. Oh, I'll put Rallo to bed. You go have
a great time with my friends' wives.Copy !req
110. Just leave my dinner in the oven
and my clothes laid out for the next dayCopy !req
111. before you go.Copy !req
112. Good girl.Copy !req
113. She is a good girl.Copy !req
114. Hey, it's me. I need to see you.Copy !req
115. Call me as soon as you can.Copy !req
116. I miss you.Copy !req
117. Mm, nobody needs
to see Delta Burke's anus.Copy !req
118. But I guess I did look up
what page it was on and turn to it.Copy !req
119. Where are you goin'?Copy !req
120. It's Thursday.Copy !req
121. I'm off to watch Grey's Anatomy
with Arianna and the girls, remember?Copy !req
122. Oh, that sounds dreadful. But have fun.Copy !req
123. So, now, Donna will be friends
with my friends' wives,Copy !req
124. which means I don't have to choose
between my friends and my wife.Copy !req
125. Oh, so you're not going to leave her?Copy !req
126. I never said I was gonna leave her.Copy !req
127. Well, maybe I'll tell her about us.Copy !req
128. Maybe I'll kill you.Copy !req
129. Go ahead.
If I can't have you, I'd rather be dead.Copy !req
130. Oh, now don't say th—Copy !req
131. Rallo, you are having a dream.Copy !req
132. Hey, Yvette.Copy !req
133. There's my girl! Get your ass in here.Copy !req
134. Hey, y'all, it's Donna.Copy !req
135. Donna Tubbs?Copy !req
136. We haven't seen you in so long,Copy !req
137. we thought you'd run off
and found yourself a man.Copy !req
138. Do I look like I've got a husband
and an overweight stepson? Mm-mm.Copy !req
139. Now give me a drink. It's ladies' night.Copy !req
140. - Whoo!
- She's back.Copy !req
141. Ugh, enough about Robert. How's your ex?Copy !req
142. Girl, we're still fighting over custody
of the kids.Copy !req
143. - Really?
- Yeah, he still wants me to take 'em.Copy !req
144. Ah!Copy !req
145. Men. They're only good for one thing.Copy !req
146. Opening jars.Copy !req
147. I haven't had a pearl onion in years.Copy !req
148. Now we don't need men at all.Copy !req
149. Whoo!Copy !req
150. Girl, yes!Copy !req
151. Junior, boys shouldn't be rubbin'
on their dad's butt like—Copy !req
152. Ooh, baby, is that you?Copy !req
153. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
154. You're in a good mood.Copy !req
155. Hey, how was tonight's episode
of Grey's Anatom—Copy !req
156. And go!Copy !req
157. 8.35.Copy !req
158. Ah! I'll never make it out of the ghetto.Copy !req
159. Hey, fellas,
check out my new campaign poster.Copy !req
160. My slogan is, "What can Brown do for you?"Copy !req
161. You should change that slogan
to "Yes, we canned ham."Copy !req
162. I wouldn't be laughing if I was you.Copy !req
163. As far as anyone's concerned,
you're just Junior's little brother.Copy !req
164. If he's a big loser, you're a big loser.Copy !req
165. Aw, Jiminy Christmas, you're right.Copy !req
166. I'm gonna be judged
by what my brother does,Copy !req
167. just like those brothers
who made The Matrix.Copy !req
168. So, you have a vagina?Copy !req
169. No, that's my brother.Copy !req
170. Chins up, Tubby.
I'm your new campaign manager.Copy !req
171. Thanks, but I don't need
a campaign manager.Copy !req
172. The school newspaper begs to differ.Copy !req
173. Listen up. First, let's talk demographics.Copy !req
174. Oliver's got the "cool kid" vote
locked up.Copy !req
175. But that's only three percent
of the school.Copy !req
176. We're gonna target your base, the losers.Copy !req
177. I'm talking about the nerds,
the band geeks,Copy !req
178. the exchange students,
the special ed kids,Copy !req
179. and the teen moms.Copy !req
180. Now we gotta put you on the attack.Copy !req
181. Well, I don't wanna do anything hurtful.Copy !req
182. - Well, okay, John Kerry.
- Tell me what I gotta do.Copy !req
183. All right, first thing,
what are Oliver's greatest strengths?Copy !req
184. He's captain of the football team.Copy !req
185. Otherwise known as...Copy !req
186. He's also very handsome.Copy !req
187. Therefore...Copy !req
188. But he does well with the ladies.Copy !req
189. Oh, so we turn his strengths
into weaknesses.Copy !req
190. - Now you're getting it.
- Wow, you're smart.Copy !req
191. Say it as a weakness. I'm a...Copy !req
192. - Nerd.
- Jew. Nerd.Copy !req
193. Who had the fried chicken
in the bread bucket?Copy !req
194. - I'll give you one guess.
- Right here, dude.Copy !req
195. You know who would enjoy this? Donna.Copy !req
196. But there was a flood
at the school library.Copy !req
197. She sure came home happy
after your TV night.Copy !req
198. So happy that she tickled my,Copy !req
199. what the Native Americans call,
"maize hole."Copy !req
200. She didn't come to our TV night.Copy !req
201. She called and said she was feeling
under the weather.Copy !req
202. Wait a minute. That don't add up.
That's queer.Copy !req
203. If she wasn't with you,
where'd she go that night?Copy !req
204. That, my friend, is the $25,000 Pyramid.Copy !req
205. Where is she tonight?Copy !req
206. I haven't worked up an under-boob sweat
like this in a long time.Copy !req
207. I hope you're not going to miss
the big cookout on Saturday.Copy !req
208. Oh, I'll be there.Copy !req
209. Uh-oh! Oreo alert.Copy !req
210. Cream filling, anyone?Copy !req
211. Yvette, what did you—Copy !req
212. Oh, you didn't mean
the stab-in-the-hand thing?Copy !req
213. Well, you gotta say "drink-in-the-face"
if you mean "drink-in-the-face."Copy !req
214. Oh. Are you okay, sir?Copy !req
215. Hell, yeah! Now I can just do my hand.Copy !req
216. Cleveland!Copy !req
217. Cleveland, are you awake?Copy !req
218. Oh. Hello, Mrs. Brown.Copy !req
219. How was your evening?Copy !req
220. Fun.Copy !req
221. Restocking the water-damaged books
at the library was fun?Copy !req
222. What?Copy !req
223. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
224. Ha! Busted.Copy !req
225. Where were you the other nightCopy !req
226. when you said you were going
to watch Grey's Anatom—Copy !req
227. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
228. We've made up a lot of ground,
but we've hit a wall.Copy !req
229. But if we go any more negative,Copy !req
230. it's just gonna look like
we're picking on the deaf kid.Copy !req
231. Well, then what are we gonna do to him?Copy !req
232. It's not what we do to him,
it's what we do to you.Copy !req
233. We're gonna fight fire with fire.Copy !req
234. Blind man walking!Copy !req
235. He went blind?Copy !req
236. It's called "macular degeneration."Copy !req
237. Look it up. It's a thing.Copy !req
238. Oh, my God!
Is there anything we can do to help?Copy !req
239. A vote would help.Copy !req
240. You got it.Copy !req
241. Kinda puts it all in perspective,
doesn't it?Copy !req
242. I know. Can you imagine being blind?Copy !req
243. And Black.Copy !req
244. Derrick!Copy !req
245. It's a beautiful morning.
And you know what that means.Copy !req
246. It's river time!Copy !req
247. - Who wants to go tubin'?
- Tubin'?Copy !req
248. - Tubin'!
- Tubin'?Copy !req
249. Tubin' down the river!
Where's your mother?Copy !req
250. Oh, she left you a note.Copy !req
251. Dearest Cleveland,
if you are reading this,Copy !req
252. it means that Roberta told you
to read the note on the refrigerator.Copy !req
253. There was an emergency at the school,
so I will be gone all day. XOXO.Copy !req
254. I don't know what's going on with her.Copy !req
255. She's acting more suspicious
than my podiatrist.Copy !req
256. Are you sure this is a necessary part
of the exam?Copy !req
257. Nope.Copy !req
258. Junior, give me a beer.Copy !req
259. What?Copy !req
260. Did that wash the crap out of your ears?
I said, "Get me a beer"!Copy !req
261. Ah, we're tubin'.Copy !req
262. What? What are you looking at?Copy !req
263. What the—? Donna!Copy !req
264. Cleveland!Copy !req
265. Who's Cleveland?Copy !req
266. Her husband!Copy !req
267. Husband?Copy !req
268. Waterfall!Copy !req
269. I love you!Copy !req
270. You really saved our skin, Mr. Flippers.Copy !req
271. Sure did! See you later, peoples!
Stay dry!Copy !req
272. Thank you, Mr. Flippers!Copy !req
273. Hmm. "Emergency at school," huh?Copy !req
274. You've been lying to me, Donna.Copy !req
275. Who were those women
you were with at the river?Copy !req
276. They're my single friends.Copy !req
277. They have this group
where they talk trash about menCopy !req
278. while desperately trying to find one.Copy !req
279. And if they found out I got married,
they wouldn't want me around.Copy !req
280. Oh, God forbid you get kicked out
of the man-hating bitch group.Copy !req
281. How dare you call them bitches!Copy !req
282. You're the one acting like a bitch.Copy !req
283. Uh-uh! I'm serious.Copy !req
284. Well, you have fun
with your single friends.Copy !req
285. I'll have fun with mine.Copy !req
286. Girl, you will not believe
what she just said to me.Copy !req
287. I wish she would.Copy !req
288. Do you still love me?Copy !req
289. 'Course I do.Copy !req
290. What is that smell?Copy !req
291. Holt's vomit, Terry's vomit, my vomit.Copy !req
292. Vomit.Copy !req
293. Single life makes me sick.Copy !req
294. Oh, honey, I'm so sorry I lied to you.Copy !req
295. But Yvette and the girls were there for me
when Robert and I split.Copy !req
296. They made me feel strong when I was weak.Copy !req
297. Listen, I'm the one who should be sorry.Copy !req
298. I have my friends,
and you should be free to choose yours.Copy !req
299. Well, now they don't want me backCopy !req
300. because I lied to them
about being married,Copy !req
301. and because I am married.Copy !req
302. I wish I could help Donna.Copy !req
303. Oh, oh, it feels good to pee. Mm.Copy !req
304. All right. He's deaf, he's blind.Copy !req
305. And for the next 40 minutes,
I need you all to be mute.Copy !req
306. Each candidate gets one minute to respond.Copy !req
307. When I ring this bell...Copy !req
308. And for you, Oliver, when I do this,Copy !req
309. "Hey, Oliver,"
it means your time is almost up.Copy !req
310. Cleveland Jr., you may start
with your opening statement.Copy !req
311. Good afternoon.Copy !req
312. At least I think it's afternoon.Copy !req
313. I-I'm not sure because I'm blind.Copy !req
314. But though I may have lost my sight,
I still see a better future.Copy !req
315. I've spent the last several weeks
walking these hallsCopy !req
316. and hearing your stories.Copy !req
317. From the exchange student
who can't understand anythingCopy !req
318. because he "no speaky English,"Copy !req
319. to the special needs kids
whose lunchtime antics entertain us all,Copy !req
320. to Ryan Sanderson,
who told me that he was too afraidCopy !req
321. to tell everyone that he was gay.Copy !req
322. Oh, please.Copy !req
323. These are the colors of the quilt
that is Stoolbend High.Copy !req
324. Oliver, you're up!Copy !req
325. Read my lips.Copy !req
326. I am captain of the football team,
3.8 GPA,Copy !req
327. future Deaf Businessman of America,Copy !req
328. best fingers at the school, wink, wink...Copy !req
329. Whoa!Copy !req
330. Hey, he can see!Copy !req
331. Uh, it's a miracle!Copy !req
332. Oh!Copy !req
333. You saved my life!Copy !req
334. I can't run against you.Copy !req
335. I'm dropping out of the race!Copy !req
336. Quitter, quitter, quitter!Copy !req
337. Ah, he can't hear me.Copy !req
338. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
339. I present your new
student council president,Copy !req
340. Cleveland Brown, Jr.!Copy !req
341. Congratulations, Mr. President.Copy !req
342. Thanks, Rallo.Copy !req
343. I couldn't have done it without you.Copy !req
344. So, what now?Copy !req
345. That's for you to decide. Me?Copy !req
346. I'm getting out of the game.Copy !req
347. But we did something here, didn't we?Copy !req
348. We did something.Copy !req
349. Thank you for taking me out
to dinner, Cleveland.Copy !req
350. What a nice surprise.Copy !req
351. This night's gonna be full of surprises.Copy !req
352. Now, you head to the table.Copy !req
353. I'm gonna go publicly brush my teeth
in the men's roomCopy !req
354. and make everyone uncomfortable.Copy !req
355. And I said, "I don't even wanna know
whose hair this is.Copy !req
356. Just weave it into my damn head."Copy !req
357. Well, well, well.Copy !req
358. If it isn't Miss "I'm gonna raise my kidsCopy !req
359. in a stable, two-parent household."Copy !req
360. Yvette, I'm sorry I lied to—Copy !req
361. Here I am with my two favorite hos.Copy !req
362. I sure hope my wife
doesn't find out about—Copy !req
363. Uh-oh!Copy !req
364. Cleveland?Copy !req
365. My wife, Donna.Copy !req
366. What are you doing here?Copy !req
367. What am I? What are you doing?Copy !req
368. I'll tell you what I'm doing.Copy !req
369. I'm leaving you high and dry,
you stupid female.Copy !req
370. Who are you calling stupid?Copy !req
371. Dummy over here.Copy !req
372. As a matter of fact,
all of y'all are stupid.Copy !req
373. You're stupid. You're stupid.Copy !req
374. You're probably good at math
but stupid in other areas.Copy !req
375. And you, like the first two,
are also stupid, too.Copy !req
376. Stupid.Copy !req
377. Come on, Donna.
This piece of trash doesn't deserve you.Copy !req
378. How am I doing?Copy !req
379. You got your friends back, right?Copy !req
380. Cleveland, you didn't have to do this.Copy !req
381. I don't need them when I've got you.Copy !req
382. You can have both.Copy !req
383. See you at home later.Copy !req
384. Don't forget a doggie bag.Copy !req
385. And don't worry, I'll use a condom.Copy !req
386. - What?
- I love you.Copy !req