The Chair Company 1x2

1. Ron?

2. Ron?

3. Barb!

4. Barb! Barb!

5. - Oh, my God, are you okay? - Yes, everything's fine.

6. Natalie, can you come talk to your father?

7. Mom, this is not that big a deal.

8. Oh, my God, I thought something terrible was happening!

9. Tell your dad.

10. I know we have a deposit down on the Salisbury—

11. - Yes, we do. - I said we do.

12. But Tara and I found this great new venue for the wedding.

13. Erebus.

14. I'm sorry.

15. What the hell's happening? What are we talking about?

16. They wanna get married at a haunted barn.

17. It's absolutely ridiculous.

18. I mean, who changes the venue of a wedding this last minute?

19. Tara always wanted to have it at Erebus,

20. but they only just had a spot open up.

21. I'm sorry, Natalie, we're not getting a wedding in a haunted house.

22. Grandma's 91. She's 93.

23. I can't believe you guys are acting like this.

24. It's my wedding.

25. I only came here because I needed help convincing Tara's parents.

26. I didn't expect you to have the same reaction as them.

27. That's not fair, Natalie.

28. We're nothing like Tara's parents.

29. - We're not like 'em at all, okay? - No. We're not saying no.

30. We're just...

31. you know.

32. Thank you.

33. Can you please talk to Tara's dad for me?

34. Make him understand that this is what we want?

35. You're so good at that. You're good at talking to people.

36. I'll do anything you want, Natalie. I love you so much.

37. I'll call them today. I'll call Terry today.

38. - Thank you. - I love you, too, Barb.

39. I love you all so much, I'm just...

40. - Aw. - I was scared, I'm sorry.

41. I'm just glad it's just stupid wedding stuff I don't care about.

42. Wait, honey, you have a cut on your face.

43. - Are you okay? - No.

44. Fucking Douglas brought in a mini hockey stick into work

45. and was trying to balance it on his nose, and he whacked me with it.

46. - Oh, God, honey. - I know, stupid trick.

47. I was just about to go clean it up with ice.

48. Oh.

49. Oh, j— I gotta be in the shower right now.

50. - Okay. - Good. Great.

51. Your father's gonna be on TV.

52. Shut up, Barb. I wanted to surprise her.

53. Okay, well, he's doing an interview about the mall.

54. He's gonna be a big star.

55. Shut up, Barb!

56. Hey, Victor.

57. - Hey. - How you doing?

58. Oh!

59. Ron?

60. Dropped a frickin' Hershey's Hug somewhere.

61. Thing flew out and I kicked it,

62. and I'm definitely gonna want something sweet after lunch,

63. 'cause I'm supposed to get spaghetti.

64. Mm. That's not too far away.

65. - Ready, buddy? - One second.

66. You're not comin'.

67. Brenda wants me to go with you to make sure there are no hiccups.

68. There's not gonna be any hiccups.

69. How are you gonna help me with any hiccups? Jamie!

70. I'm right about a lot of things that people have zero clue

71. that they even know is going on.

72. - Oh, okay. - Thank you.

73. Thank you.

74. Let's do this. Let's do it.

75. I really want Jamie to go with you.

76. - You told on me? - This is important.

77. The shirtless teacher thing made some of the parents

78. in the community nervous.

79. I don't want to leave anything up to chance.

80. - Like what up to chance? - Jamie's going with you.

81. Why are you even arguing about this?

82. Shotgun.

83. Can you drive your own car, please? Don't ride with me.

84. I have to get in a good head space

85. so I can knock this out of the park. This has gotta go good.

86. - Okay, I'll follow you. - No, don't follow me.

87. Just drive your own car at a different time than me.

88. I'm not a good driver, Ron.

89. - Hello? - Hey, Terry, it's Ron.

90. - Hey, Ron. - I just wanted to give you a call,

91. see if you and Nancy might wanna come over for a little game night

92. we're gonna have over at the house this week.

93. I'll talk to Nancy.

94. Is your dog gonna be loose again?

95. No.

96. Unfortunately, the dog passed away, sadly.

97. Sorry about that, Ron.

98. It did jump a lot.

99. Yeah, I know. I know it did, Terry.

100. At any rate, I'll talk to Nancy.

101. - We'll let you know. - Talk to you soon.

102. Hi, how you doing?

103. - Hi, how are you? - Good.

104. Hey, I found this shirt,

105. and I'm trying to find the guy who lost it.

106. Do you think he might have bought it here,

107. - or you would have a record of that? - Let me take a look.

108. - Sure. - Let me take a look.

109. Oh, he definitely got this here.

110. And it's definitely well-loved.

111. You could see on the back, there's dirt.

112. - Some kind of white dust. - Oh, yeah.

113. He got great use out of this shirt.

114. Look at these buttons. The buttons are pulling.

115. - Yeah, oh, yeah. - They're starting to strain.

116. - Right. - Look at this.

117. You see? It's like a big belly,

118. and someone's belly is pushing up

119. into the buttons.

120. He's about at his limit.

121. I happen to know a guy who's at his limit. He's one of our members.

122. You have members?

123. It's our membership program we got going here.

124. Members' Night is coming up.

125. I'm sure you'll see him there. All the members come.

126. Great. When is that?

127. You have to be a member.

128. Sign up, become a member,

129. and you'll get notified about when the night is.

130. - You're positive you know him? - I'm positive.

131. He's at his limit.

132. Awesome. Thank you.

133. - Sixty-five dollars? - That's cheap.

134. Sign up for the membership,

135. you'll get the texts and the emails

136. regarding Members' Night.

137. Yes.

138. - You definitely know. - Mm-hmm.

139. Can I have the shirt back?

140. Yeah.

141. - You don't know him, do you? - Nah.

142. God damn it!

143. - I was so terrified! - Sorry I'm late.

144. I'm so sorry I'm late, I...

145. - Ron! - Jamie, are you okay?

146. Ron, I almost got killed by an army truck.

147. Oh, my God, what happened?

148. You saw it, and you kept driving.

149. I didn't see anything, Jamie, I don't know what you're talking about.

150. So glad she's alright.

151. People are nuts out there. Something's going on today.

152. - Yeah? Jeez. - It's been weird.

153. Well, alright.

154. You ready to tell me about Canton Marketplace at Bear Run?

155. - Yes, I am. Let's do this. Okay. - Alright. Thank you.

156. Okay.

157. Okay.

158. I'm Sarah Rounds, here with Fisher Robay executive Ron Trosper...

159. who's in charge of a brand-new

160. $15 million development right here in Canton.

161. There's no seam or anything.

162. This is all, like, solid plastic.

163. - All this shit's solid plastic. - Hi, Dad. Good night.

164. Hey, good night, pal. You going to bed already?

165. Yep.

166. I...

167. I got you this little hat today.

168. Oh.

169. - Yeah. - Cool.

170. - This is cool, yeah. - It's a little spy hat.

171. Oh, I think I've read about these, yeah.

172. - Anyway, I love you. - Love you, too.

173. Junk.

174. Someone's belly is pushing up into the buttons.

175. There's dirt. Some kind of white dust.

176. He got great use out of this shirt.

177. Stop! Stop!

178. Well, I know this seems silly, but it's just a formality. HR stuff.

179. Yeah, I know, I— it's totally fine, I understand.

180. Okay, good.

181. Is there any way that you doctored the chair

182. so that it would break and allow you

183. to look up Amanda's skirt and see her underwear?

184. - No! - Great, that's what we thought.

185. And you and Amanda have never had any prior romantic involvement?

186. - Any kissing or sex? - What the hell?

187. - No. - Or blowjobs?

188. - What the hell? - Is it true,

189. Ron, that you both attended the same high school?

190. I mean, yeah, we went to the same school,

191. but I didn't even know her.

192. - You didn't know each other? - No, I didn't know her much at all.

193. We were in completely different crews.

194. She looked completely different.

195. What does it matter that she looked different?

196. She just looked different then than she does now.

197. You know, she wouldn't have fit in with my crew.

198. But she'd be okay in your crew now?

199. No, she's like 50. What are we talking about here?

200. Okay, we all know this was an accident.

201. But we just need to cover all our bases before

202. the outside observer comes in next week.

203. Oh, my God. Diane, is this really necessary?

204. Yes, it is.

205. You just need to watch this video

206. and then you're outta here.

207. - Peeping Toms. - Oh, my God.

208. - I'm not a Peeping Tom. - Who's to determine

209. when a look is an accidental mistimed glance

210. or a premeditated leer?

211. - Sorry. - From the innocent...

212. - It's okay. - ... to the extreme.

213. It's a gray area. Tough to prove.

214. Even harder to discipline.

215. This training video teaches employees how to handle it.

216. He was waiting for me here.

217. I found your nest, you little fuckhead!

218. Ugh, nasty pig!

219. Jan's Cafe?

220. Hi. Excuse me.

221. I just had a question about one of your customers.

222. - What? - I was wondering

223. if someone had seen anybody come in here

224. with this shirt on and order this dish.

225. - What? - I'm just looking to see

226. if anybody noticed anybody come in and have this dish, this rice dish.

227. Hey, hey, guys. Come on, stop throwing food.

228. There are other people sitting by you.

229. You don't mind. Right, sweetheart?

230. I'm super sorry to bother you. I don't wanna bother you at all.

231. But you think you could notice the pattern on this shirt?

232. Damn it!

233. Ricky, call security.

234. I'm sorry, do you think I could speak to somebody

235. back there who might have seen someone with this shirt on,

236. ordered this rice dish?

237. God damn it!

238. What the hell are you talking about?

239. The rice dish! If somebody had ever come in and ordered this.

240. - Oh, fuck! - Get out!

241. Get out, get out!

242. Do you have security cameras I could possibly look at?

243. Get out.

244. - Or a security room that I can— - Get out!

245. Please, I just need one minute of your time.

246. I'll get him out, Marla.

247. - I just wanna talk to you. - Yeah.

248. - No, I just wanna talk to you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

249. Look, I'm— no! No, please!

250. - I'm not gonna fucking tell on you! - Get the fuck in there!

251. I'm not gonna tell on you.

252. No, no. No, no, no, no, no!

253. - No, no, no, please. Please, please. - Are you stupid?

254. - No! - I popped you in the fuckin' head.

255. What the fuck do you want now?

256. I said, what the fuck do you want?

257. What? "Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa." You don't know how to talk?

258. You came to my fuckin' work. Now, that's real fuckin' stupid.

259. - You came to my work. - Oh, shut the fuck up!

260. Yeah, I did. Maybe next time, I'm coming to your house.

261. I see that wedding ring.

262. What would your little wife think seeing her husband get knocked around?

263. Bet you got a nice house. Be easy to find.

264. Maybe I'll swing by tonight after my shift.

265. Wouldn't that be nice, huh? Show your family what a nice guy I am.

266. You don't fucking come to my house! You don't come anywhere near my fucking...

267. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong?

268. No, no, no, no, no. What's wrong? What, are you okay? No, no, no!

269. Please, please, please, talk to me.

270. - Talk to me, please! - Air machine.

271. - What? - My air machine.

272. - Your what? - My air machine.

273. - Air machine! - It's in the box.

274. Oh, sh— okay. Okay, what's it look like?

275. What? Oh, fucker!

276. What the...

277. Oh, my God!

278. You're disgusting! These are my work clothes!

279. What the hell is wrong with you?

280. I wanna know why the hell you hit me in the head.

281. Do you work for Tecca?

282. - I never heard of them. - Bullshit!

283. Tecca, the chair company. You said it when you hit me in the head.

284. I never heard of Tecca before.

285. - Then, who hired you? - I don't know!

286. - Who hired you? - I don't fucking know!

287. Okay, okay!

288. Okay, okay, okay.

289. Okay! Okay!

290. Jesus! Look!

291. Look, I got hired by some guy I never, ever met.

292. He wanted me to scare the shit outta you.

293. I never even saw his face. He paid me jack shit.

294. I gotta find the guy who hired you.

295. I think his company might be doing something really bad.

296. I think it's hurting people. I think it might even be killing people.

297. That's why I wanted to find you, so I could find them,

298. and I could stop them from hurting people.

299. But I can't get anywhere!

300. But I'm the only one. I'm the only one out here

301. who knows they're doing something.

302. And I think it might be quite awful.

303. I can help if you pay me.

304. Here, take this one. No, actually...

305. Take this one.

306. And I'll call you when I find him.

307. I'm Mike Santini.

308. So, I said to Natalie, what do you want?

309. Because I actually don't think that Tara's really listening

310. to her wants and needs.

311. And then, she looked at me and she goes, "Mom,

312. "I think you just don't want it to be in a haunted house

313. because of how it looks on you."

314. Do you think that's what I care about, how I look?

315. Jamie?

316. I'm so sorry. I was driving too fast.

317. I was just anxious about the interview.

318. I...

319. was thinking about asking to be moved from your desk.

320. I don't wanna think that you did that on purpose, Ron,

321. but I do think that part of you is testing something.

322. There's a darkness to you, Ron.

323. No, there isn't.

324. But there's also a light.

325. I went to a new church this morning.

326. Oh.

327. I want you to come with me.

328. It's— I'm so busy.

329. Okay, yeah.

330. - ... perfect, I wanna— - One second, I have to...

331. Okay.

332. - This is Ron. - It's Mike.

333. I found him. He goes by Jim X.

334. I know where he's gonna be tonight.

335. I have a family thing tonight

336. - that I'm supposed to get to— - We're going tonight.

337. Okay. Got it. Bye.

338. Ah, you shit in my ass!

339. Ah! Come on, pop her cherry! Pop her cherry!

340. - Take her fuckin' head off! - Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

341. You're breaking my hymen, you little fucking bitch!

342. - What is this? - That pig's got my cock in its mouth!

343. You never heard these guys?

344. That's the stinkiest pussy I've ever seen!

345. - What is it? - Wazey Waynes!

346. - They're fucking hilarious. - Where'd the pussy go?

347. Are they prank calling someone right now? I don't really get it.

348. No, they're just talking to each other.

349. Bitch, you got shit, you pussy!

350. They're saying that to each other?

351. No, they're not saying it to each other. They're just saying stuff.

352. Here, listen to this part, this is hilarious.

353. Fucking ass!

354. My ass!

355. My fucking ass!

356. So, how'd you find this guy?

357. This dumb-ass does everything in the same spot,

358. you know, in the parking lot of a self-storage space.

359. Well, he's gonna be there tonight, and we are gonna get there early,

360. and we're gonna ambush him.

361. No, I don't wanna ambush him.

362. I just wanna ask him some questions about Tecca.

363. Grab that bag on the floor.

364. Come on, grab it.

365. Oh, Jesus Christ, no!

366. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, I'm sorry, I just wanna talk to him.

367. Ron, that is not how you deal with this kinda guy.

368. I just wanna ask him questions.

369. - I just wanna meet him. - You gotta put him

370. in a position where he's gonna answer you.

371. You're gonna scare the shit out of him!

372. - Now, grab the gun. - No.

373. Come on, Ron.

374. We're gonna give that fucking pussy what they did to you!

375. Now, grab that gun. Come on, grab that gun.

376. - No! - Grab the gun!

377. I can't, I can't, I can't! I can't, I can't, I can't! I cannot!

378. I'm not gonna do this. I have a life.

379. I have a job, I have a family. I have Barb! Barb!

380. Making love to Barb on a soft bed.

381. I don't wanna do this. I'm a good man. I'm a good man.

382. Sure, sure, sure.

383. That dog just really was not well-behaved.

384. Oh, well, you know what, Terry? We loved him so much.

385. Yeah, of course. If you're a stranger to it though,

386. you could see how the jumping would get old.

387. Honey, do you want one of these?

388. - Sure. - Oh, hon, Yeah, no.

389. Oh, don't drink that one.

390. - That one's no good. - What?

391. Why won't she like this? I like this.

392. - Try this one. - Hello!

393. - Oh, hey! - Oh, hey, hey!

394. - Sethy-boy, hi. - Hey.

395. - Oh! - Alright.

396. - It really does stink around here. - These are good nuts.

397. - Now, these are salt and vinegar. - You know, it's either

398. the cheese or the dog.

399. We've tried it before. We've tried it.

400. Whew.

401. Alright. A little whiskey on the porch. Not so bad. Not so bad, huh?

402. Whew!

403. Stone's loose.

404. That one looks loose, too.

405. Yep.

406. Terry, I feel like we should talk about this haunted house wedding thing.

407. Good. We gotta shut this down.

408. You know, I thought that at first, too.

409. But you know what?

410. There's just so much badness in this world.

411. The fact that our daughters found each other...

412. and they make each other happy, that...

413. that's a miracle.

414. I know the other place was nice, and this place,

415. you'll have to explain a few things to your buddies.

416. I just keep thinking about

417. holding my little girl.

418. Knowing that I would give everything I have

419. for her to feel all the love the world has to give.

420. Now, I know you're a goddamn good father, 'cause you raised Tara.

421. She put me through hell and back.

422. She's one heck of a woman. And I know you love her.

423. With all my heart, Ron.

424. So, then what the hell are we talking about?

425. Ah.

426. Guess what I found.

427. - We have many good things. - Oh, games!

428. We got games?

429. Thank you.

430. - Remember this one? Remember this? - I do.

431. I wish that it was called something else.

432. Twister! We have Twister. Twister.

433. Sethy, take your shoes off.

434. Always good luck when the red's on your side.

435. - It's great. Look at that. - That's good, that's good.