The Chair Company 1x1

1. - There's a nut in there? - There's— it's probably hidden.

2. - Don't eat that. - No, it's a nut.

3. - I don't think it's a nut. - It looked like an almond.

4. - If your mom says it's a nut, it's a nut. - I think it's a nut.

5. Hey, can I get a family pic real fast?

6. - I got food in my mouth. - We'll be fine.

7. We gotta do it fast 'cause I already got my phone out

8. and people are staring at— people are staring.

9. Natalie, get in, people are staring.

10. - There we go. Yeah, great. - Oh, that was cute.

11. No, delete that. I had food in my mouth.

12. No way, you looked great in it. I'm putting that

13. in the slideshow for your rehearsal dinner.

14. You are gonna cry at the— oh, my God!

15. Thank you.

16. - Oh, gee, thank you. - Holy!

17. Thank you.

18. This is stunning.

19. I mean— oh, you know what?

20. Before we dig into this beautiful meal, a toast for Ron.

21. - Oh, oh, oh. Come on, everyone. - To Dad.

22. Ron, we are so proud of you. We really are.

23. You know, the way that you have weathered the ups and downs

24. of these past few years, really.

25. And we all know it hasn't been easy for you.

26. It really hasn't.

27. And no matter what has come at you,

28. you know, you bounce back. And then, look at you.

29. You're a frickin' head honcho, big-wig project lead

30. at the Fisher Robay's flagship—

31. I'm sorry. Can I help you with something?

32. - I'm so sorry. - Oh.

33. Are you Seth Trosper?

34. Yes.

35. You play basketball at Dublin Jerome High.

36. I saw you play last season. You were so amazing.

37. - Oh, thank you. - You whupped us.

38. I went to New Albany.

39. Hey, can I ask you something?

40. - Yeah. - Do you like malls?

41. - What? - Oh.

42. Yeah. Do you like malls? Like, shopping malls?

43. - Seth, knock it off. - No, okay, see,

44. 'cause my dad right here, he's actually in charge

45. of a brand-new shopping mall that's gonna be opening here in town.

46. - Oh, wait, that's really cool! - Yeah.

47. You know, I don't think I've been to a mall, though,

48. since I was, like, 14.

49. - Okay. - Yeah, you probably have.

50. You probably just didn't realize it.

51. They've changed a lot in the last few years.

52. - Yep. - Yeah, no, I don't think

53. I've been to one in a really long time.

54. They're just more naturalistic now

55. and less intrusive than what you used to think of

56. when you thought of a mall.

57. So, you might have been in a mall.

58. Well, I think I would have known if I was in a mall.

59. I'm saying you wouldn't know you were in a mall.

60. I bet you were in a mall.

61. No, yeah, I'm just saying I haven't been to one.

62. - Probably have been recently. - Dad.

63. Natalie, she's been in a mall. I mean, this is kind of a mall.

64. - This is a restaurant. - I know, but it's also kind of a mall.

65. - How? - Because it is.

66. Because there's shops around and the way the parking lot wraps around.

67. - Okay, fine. - Thank you, that's—

68. Hey, I'm actually picking at that. Don't take that, please.

69. This is half a deviled egg.

70. I'm gonna eat it.

71. - Thank you. - Okay, cool.

72. The fuck was that? What a weird person.

73. - Ron, please try to let it go. - Do you know her?

74. - What? No! - Ron.

75. - She's like 15. - She's 15?

76. - She's like 100 years old. - This isn't a mall, is it?

77. Kinda. I mean, not really.

78. I mean, it's not like a mall at all, but what the fuck was I supposed to say?

79. Honey, what I think is going on is that you're feeling nervous about tomorrow.

80. You've got a big speech. That's what's going on.

81. Oh, sorry,

82. why's everybody trying to take this? I'm gonna eat that.

83. Actually, can I get a box for that?

84. Yeah, thank you.

85. Why the hell are they trying to take that damn thing?

86. They fucking love taking that thing.

87. I swear, I have the worst pillow in town!

88. Okay.

89. This thing is made of goddamn metal.

90. Excuse me, Doris.

91. You drive me nuts.

92. Hey, Ron. Brenda would like to see you in her office

93. before the kickoff meeting at 4:00.

94. Okay, got it. Thank you.

95. You wanted to see me?

96. There he is!

97. - What? - Yeah!

98. - Oh, no. - It's tradition, Ron.

99. Please, no! Oh!

100. - There you go. - Good God!

101. Aw, disgusting!

102. We got the new model. Come take a look.

103. - Oh, whoa! Look at that! - Yeah, uh-huh.

104. Oh, my God, that's fantastic.

105. Is this your first time speaking at a kickoff meeting?

106. It's a lot of people. First impressions.

107. - How are you feeling? - I feel good. Good.

108. Well, just show people that you have a vision.

109. You don't take no shit.

110. Westie!

111. Oh! Kickoff meeting starts in five.

112. Knock 'em dead, Ron.

113. Ron, I don't know if you know this, but I was up for that promotion also.

114. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

115. No, no, no, no. I'm really glad you got it.

116. Getting passed over put everything in perspective for me.

117. I was working way too hard.

118. Now, I know life's just really not all that serious.

119. Great.

120. That's where this bubble necklace comes in.

121. I saw this, and I thought, why the hell not?

122. Work can be fun.

123. Happy to be part of the team, leader. Have a great speech.

124. A falling leaf brushed past my nose, and I looked up, and I saw

125. the most beautiful oak tree I have seen in my life.

126. I couldn't believe I was not in a Norman Rockwell painting,

127. but on the future site of our newest property,

128. Canton, Ohio!

129. And, of course, someone who we all expect is gonna kick this off just right,

130. please put your hands together for your project head,

131. Ron Trosper! Ron.

132. Badass! Huh?

133. Badass-dot-com!

134. First of all, I wanna thank Jeff for that kind intro.

135. Canton, Ohio, is Fisher Robay's biggest and most ambitious development to date.

136. And it is my goal for this development to be not only environmentally friendly,

137. but environmentally forward.

138. This development is an opportunity for us to be stewards of the environment,

139. which we improve upon.

140. The land in which we are building this development

141. is land that the people of Canton, Ohio,

142. believe to be one of the most beautiful spots of land.

143. And it is our goal for this land

144. to remain a beautiful destination.

145. And I don't think it's too far-fetched for this mall

146. to be as peaceful and therapeutic to walk through

147. as it would be to walk through the wilderness.

148. And I look forward to us all standing tall

149. with our heads held high as we cut the ribbon

150. on this excellent development!

151. Yeah!

152. Yeah.

153. To break down our timelines, Alice Ray.

154. Good morning, everyone. Thank you, Jeff.

155. Ron? You okay?

156. Ron, are you alright?

157. I guess I shouldn't have had that last Cheez-It this morning.

158. Ron, you okay if we continue?

159. Alice? Timelines, please.

160. Yes.

161. Okay.

162. As I was saying,

163. in those first few months, we will be largely focused

164. on removing the ledge in the northwest quadrant...

165. Oh, my God.

166. Oh, my God, piece of fucking shit!

167. Ron?

168. Ron?

169. Jamie, have you seen Ron?

170. - No, I thought he was in here. - Hm.

171. Weird.

172. Hm, I'll just catch him at the party.

173. Strange.

174. Oh!

175. Okay.

176. Good morning, everybody. How are we?

177. - Good morning. - Excellent, excellent.

178. Alright, we got a lot to do today, so let's jump right into it.

179. Ben, you look like you're about to burst.

180. We just need to hire the security firm today

181. now that we've officially taken over the site.

182. Got it. It's going on my list.

183. Alexis, where are we at with the installation artist?

184. I could use a little more guidance.

185. Yeah, I want the art to be unique.

186. I want it to be interesting.

187. But more than that, I want it to kind of

188. immerse itself into nature, you know, almost like therapy.

189. I think if we go with someone local,

190. it might add a bit of goodwill.

191. That's a great idea. Anything else?

192. Oh, I put the "Start Work" paperwork

193. for the fencing company on your desk, if you could sign it quickly.

194. Yeah, I'll sign it right now.

195. Maybe I should just stand.

196. Oh, my God. I was worried about you. I'm glad you're joking about it now.

197. No, I think it's funny. I told my wife about it last night

198. and we were cracking up.

199. It was really funny.

200. Yeah, 'cause you went down really hard.

201. I know. Oh, my God!

202. I almost ran up to help. I was like, "Ron's going down."

203. You should have seen the look on Jeff's face.

204. "Ladies and gentlemen, your man of the hour, project manager..."

205. Glad I didn't get hurt, 'cause that could have happened.

206. "Here lies William Ronald Trosper, fell off his chair."

207. I'm glad it was me, 'cause if it was Doris,

208. she would have been dead.

209. I'm serious though. I thought a lot about this.

210. My wife even said to me last night, like,

211. "Ron, you're, like, not in bad shape, but Doris, she's, like, a little older.

212. "There's something wrong with her hip.

213. If that would've happened to her, she could have died."

214. - What's wrong with her hip? - Not sure,

215. but you've seen the way she walks.

216. There's definitely something wrong with her hip.

217. - Oh, I didn't know. - There's nothing to know, Louis.

218. Something you can see. That's why she's so slow in the hall.

219. All I'm saying is, those things are dangerous.

220. Someone should get ahold of that company and let them know that their chairs

221. could really hurt somebody. Maybe even kill them.

222. Totally. I would hate for Doris to die.

223. Yeah, for anybody, for that matter, Louis.

224. Anybody who doesn't take good care of themselves.

225. Alright. Alright, let's try to have a good day at work, everybody.

226. We got a lot of stuff to do.

227. - The security firms. You got it. - Oh, thank you.

228. Thanks, everybody.

229. God damn it!

230. Why is there not water in that?

231. There's supposed to be water in that.

232. Really gotta fill this up.

233. Unbelievable.

234. Unreal.

235. Tecca.

236. - Hey! Hey! Stop that! - Sorry.

237. - Sorry, sorry. Sorry. - Give me your phone.

238. - Why? - I don't know. What are you doing?

239. I was just filling up my water bottle, and then I—

240. Were you taking pictures of my wheelbarrow?

241. What? No.

242. Are you the guy that's been saying I'm not allowed

243. to have a wheelbarrow in the office?

244. - No. - Why would anybody care?

245. It never goes outside. It's an inside wheelbarrow.

246. I could understand it if it's a outdoor wheelbarrow.

247. That's dangerous. That's disgusting.

248. But it's not.

249. I guess my jacket's not in here. Sorry about that.

250. Thank you for calling National Business Solutions,

251. the number-one destination for office furniture.

252. Oh, I thought this was Tecca.

253. We handle all incoming calls for Tecca,

254. as well as many other outstanding office retailers.

255. - This is Carla speaking. - Hi, Carla.

256. This call may be recorded for quality control and training purposes.

257. How can I help you?

258. No, I do not consent to recording this.

259. I'm afraid that's our policy, sir.

260. I—

261. I witnessed a problem with a chair.

262. I'm very sorry to hear that, sir.

263. - What was the problem? - It was a big problem.

264. There might be a big problem with Tecca chairs,

265. and I'd like to discuss that with the manufacturer.

266. Can you transfer me?

267. Unfortunately, I can't do that, sir.

268. But if you have the order number of the chair,

269. - I can request a replacement. - No, I don't want a new chair.

270. I want to discuss the problem with someone

271. who can do something about it on a large scale.

272. Do you have a contact number of somebody at Tecca

273. who could do something about it on a large scale?

274. It appears that we are not authorized to give out that information.

275. You can't connect me to the actual company that makes the chair?

276. That's really weird. Don't you think that's really quite weird?

277. I don't know, sir.

278. I think it's really quite weird.

279. There is a massive problem with one of their chairs

280. that could have major consequences,

281. could cause mass casualties, and there's no way to tell them?

282. Carla!

283. - That's really, really quite— - Hey, Ron.

284. Everything alright?

285. Yeah. My phone just fuckin' zapped me.

286. Oh, man.

287. I'm just here to see if you're good

288. for the "Canton Herald" interview tomorrow.

289. Oh, yeah. Going over it right now. Boning up on that, yeah.

290. Alright.

291. - Hello? - Do not record!

292. I do not allow recording!

293. This has the new logo on it.

294. - Hey, Ron? - Yeah?

295. - It's a little loud. - I'm making dinner.

296. I hear that. Can you stop, can you—

297. - We gotta eat! - Dad, did you have a chance

298. to read up on Indiana State yet?

299. I could really use your advice.

300. I haven't had a chance yet, pal, I'm sorry.

301. Everything is really crazy at work right now,

302. and there's no let up!

303. What the fuck?

304. I'm telling you, I sent an email and it bounced back instantly.

305. Don't you think that's weird?

306. Don't you think that's just a little bit weird?

307. I'm really sorry to hear that, sir. If you just tell me what happened.

308. I blasted through a fucking chair

309. at work yesterday in front of all my bosses

310. and my employees, and everybody laughed at me

311. 'cause I'm a fuckin' joke!

312. Now, can you please get me in contact with the people

313. who make the actual chair, so they can apologize to me,

314. and they can announce a massive recall right now.

315. Look, I probably shouldn't tell you this,

316. but if you got us proof that someone was hurt by the chair,

317. then Tecca's legal department would be notified

318. and most likely contact you directly.

319. What if I could prove someone was in danger

320. of getting hurt by the chair, or dying.

321. How would you prove that?

322. Hey, Doris. Here's that invoice.

323. - Oh, fuck! - What happened?

324. You gave me that paper too hard.

325. - Hey, Jamie. - Hey.

326. Do you mind running out and getting some snacks?

327. I just think it'd be a nice pick-me-up for everybody.

328. Oh, sure, yeah, that sounds really nice.

329. Yeah, I thought it might be nice.

330. Hey, everyone, snacks in the break room!

331. Come on, walk.

332. Go get the snacks, come on.

333. What the fuck are you doing? Come on, honey.

334. Show 'em how you walk, honey.

335. What the hell? What the f— what the fuck?

336. - Jamie, you got the snacks? - Yeah, people seem really happy.

337. - What kind of snacks did you get? - Granola.

338. Granola? Go get some cookies or something.

339. OnTrack Security offers three different—

340. Snacks again. This time it's cookies.

341. Sandy, actually, can you just

342. email me over those options, and I'll get right back to you.

343. Come on, honey.

344. Doris, you didn't see the bubbles yet?

345. No, Douglas, no. Get out of there!

346. Ooh!

347. - Whoo! - Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

348. Get the fuck away from her, Douglas!

349. - Here, Doris, I got you a cookie. - Ah, thank you!

350. God damn it!

351. Douglas, come on!

352. - What the hell are you doing? - Excuse me?

353. You can't be blowing all these bubbles at work.

354. They don't hurt.

355. Don't blow those.

356. They're just bubbles, Ron. They pop.

357. Yeah, well, they're in Doris' hair.

358. - They're all over her hair. - So?

359. So, you're blowing bubbles. You're doing the cha-cha with Doris.

360. This is a workplace, not a grab-ass parlor.

361. What in the world are you talking about, man?

362. - I'm talking about this toy! - Ah!

363. - I asked you to stop. - Okay.

364. I guess when you ask something, Ron, you really mean it.

365. Thank you.

366. Yeah.

367. Am I bothering you?

368. Nope, not at all. Come on in.

369. I just want you to know that I know it wasn't intentional.

370. I'm sorry, what wasn't intentional?

371. Seeing up my skirt.

372. Oh.

373. Oh, my God, of course not.

374. I don't think you planned that.

375. - How would I plan that? - Exactly.

376. I just don't want you to think I'm taking any action.

377. I'm just gonna let Diane know what you saw.

378. But I will tell her you didn't intend to.

379. Why would you tell Diane?

380. I just think HR should know that you saw up my skirt.

381. On my birthday.

382. Let me go talk to him, and then I'll get back to you.

383. Oh, shit.

384. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

385. Shit.

386. Ron?

387. Oh, God. Oh, God.

388. Please don't tell anybody my wheelbarrow's outside.

389. Things have just been so crazy and I just fucked up.

390. What the hell is this place?

391. Where are the chairs?

392. Oh, no!

393. Oh! Oh, that fucking egg!

394. Oh, no!

395. This is unbelievable.

396. Brenda wants to see you and it sounds serious.

397. Don't wait for me at the bathroom!

398. Brenda?

399. Have a seat, Ron.

400. You know Alon, our head of legal for Canton.

401. - Of course, Alon. How was the cruise? - Fantastic.

402. Can you tell me what the hell you were thinking?

403. I just didn't—

404. Why didn't you hire a security firm for the site?

405. Oh.

406. I was still weighing the options.

407. I can handle that right now. This is not a problem at all.

408. It is a problem, Ron, because last night,

409. some teenagers were drinking at the construction site,

410. and one of them got alcohol poisoning and almost died.

411. Oh, God.

412. And apparently, there was a teacher drinking with the students.

413. And he had his shirt off.

414. - What? - I vouched for you

415. that you could do this job to the board, against all their concerns.

416. That guy, the one who left for a year

417. to start an Adventure and Jeep Tours company

418. in suburban Ohio out of his garage,

419. the one that mortgaged his family's house

420. and built one rope bridge out in the woods.

421. Can you do this job, or was I wrong about you?

422. I can do this, Brenda. I promise.

423. I got distracted. No more distractions, okay?

424. You can rely on me.

425. This is a warning, Ron.

426. Don't fuck me.

427. I won't.

428. Stop looking into the chair company.

429. Stop looking into the fuckin' chair company!