1. Oh, no,
look at this.Copy !req
2. Nigga, what you want?Copy !req
3. I want you over my house
cutting my grassCopy !req
4. like you supposed to be!
Well, too bad for you,Copy !req
5. because I just took
another job.Copy !req
6. And even though
they don't pay hardly nothing,Copy !req
7. working for white folks
look way better on my résumé.Copy !req
8. Damn it, this is
the fourth week in a rowCopy !req
9. you canceled on me.
The yard looks like a jungle.Copy !req
10. Well, Chim-Chim,
you three vine swingersCopy !req
11. should feel right at home.Copy !req
12. I'll be there
when the white manCopy !req
13. don't need me no more.
And let this beCopy !req
14. yet another reminder
that no matterCopy !req
15. how much money you got,
you still just a nigga.Copy !req
16. Ooh, I hate Ruckus!Copy !req
17. Huey, go change your clothes
and mow the lawn.Copy !req
18. Why do I always
have to cut the grass?Copy !req
19. I cannot stop sneezing.Copy !req
20. Riley's got allergies.Copy !req
21. You just mad 'cause
you didn't think of it first.Copy !req
22. Ow!Copy !req
23. That didn't hurt,
punk.Copy !req
24. Huey. Hurry up.Copy !req
25. And I don't want
to hear that oldCopy !req
26. "I'm dying
of a heat stroke" excuse.Copy !req
27. You wanna cool down?
Cut your hair off.Copy !req
28. Good day and how are you this
beautiful morning, good sir?Copy !req
29. I'm visiting you
to make you awareCopy !req
30. of an exciting offer
I got in landscapingCopy !req
31. and home repair work
that has just—Copy !req
32. I'm talking about just touched
down in your area.Copy !req
33. Not interested.
W-w-wait.Copy !req
34. What exciting offer?
Let me ask you this:Copy !req
35. Are you really satisfied
with your current landscapingCopy !req
36. and home repair
service provider?Copy !req
37. No.
Yes, go away.Copy !req
38. That would be
a Mr. Uncle Ruckus, right?Copy !req
39. A portly dude, not very fond
of African-Americans?Copy !req
40. What if I could offer you
a better serviceCopy !req
41. with way lower pricesCopy !req
42. with none of the racial
antagonism?Copy !req
43. How's that sounding to you?
How much?Copy !req
44. I'll have your shit looking
splendiferous for a wet dub.Copy !req
45. No.
Okay, I'll drop the price to 10.Copy !req
46. At this point
I ain't even making no money,Copy !req
47. I'm just doing this
for my back arms.Copy !req
48. I said no.
A cigarette and a cold glassCopy !req
49. of orange juice.
Go hustle somebody else.Copy !req
50. Check this out, Pops. Because
I want your good favor so bad,Copy !req
51. I went ahead and put in
a little work on the yard.Copy !req
52. You what?Copy !req
53. That's right.
Your boy cut the grass,Copy !req
54. manicured the little weed area,
and even didCopy !req
55. a little shrubbery art.
You planted flowers.Copy !req
56. You needed a little color
right there, man.Copy !req
57. It wasn't any thang.Copy !req
58. Well, I'm impressed,
young man.Copy !req
59. Very impressed.
Don't meet a lot of peopleCopy !req
60. who take pride
in their work nowadays.Copy !req
61. Sorry
I was so rude earlier.Copy !req
62. You earned this.Copy !req
63. Yo, man, I— I was cool
with the orange juice.Copy !req
64. No, no, no. You take it.Copy !req
65. I really appreciate this,
Pops. Seriously.Copy !req
66. Matter of fact, man, let's go
look at some hos, on me.Copy !req
67. Huh?
Yeah. House of CheeksCopy !req
68. with the bungalow
booty bitches.Copy !req
69. You know, they probably
just now cracking the doors.Copy !req
70. Beers is cold
and the bitches ain't sweaty.Copy !req
71. Come on, let's go and,
you know, see some ass.Copy !req
72. Man, this is fun.Copy !req
73. It's been awhile
since I had someone to goCopy !req
74. to a strip club with.
So thanks.Copy !req
75. I didn't even
get your name.Copy !req
76. Just call me Lando.Copy !req
77. Lando, you mean like
Lando Calrissian?Copy !req
78. Well, Lando's really
my daddy's name.Copy !req
79. Or that's what Moms
told a nigga,Copy !req
80. since I never knew him.
She met him right whenCopy !req
81. The Empire Strikes Back
came out.Copy !req
82. You know,
people used to call me Lando.Copy !req
83. I remember that summer:
1980, Chicago.Copy !req
84. Best summer of my life.Copy !req
85. I knew it was gonna be
my year.Copy !req
86. And boy I milked it
for all it was worth.Copy !req
87. Now, of course I wasn't
as smooth as Billy Dee,Copy !req
88. or good-looking
as Billy Dee,Copy !req
89. and I definitely didn't have
no Billy Dee money,Copy !req
90. but thank God some women
were so desperateCopy !req
91. they just didn't care.Copy !req
92. I remember this one gal.Copy !req
93. Her name was
Marietta.Copy !req
94. Oh, she was hot.
It was like I was doing itCopy !req
95. with the same caliber of women
as Billy Dee himself.Copy !req
96. Moms was a big
Billy Dee fan.Copy !req
97. In the day we would go see
Empire Strikes Back,Copy !req
98. and at night we'd have
some serious,Copy !req
99. no-holds barred freaky deaky
bareback action.Copy !req
100. Whoo!
For real?Copy !req
101. You have to understand,Copy !req
102. this was in the days before
AIDS.Copy !req
103. So there was no consequences
whatsoever.Copy !req
104. That's so funny.Copy !req
105. Moms used to say
the same thing.Copy !req
106. It was just like:
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.Copy !req
107. Bang, bang, bang,
bang, bang.Copy !req
108. I always wondered
what happened to her.Copy !req
109. I guess I'll never know.
Gone for good.Copy !req
110. I will never,
ever in a million yearsCopy !req
111. know what happened to her.Copy !req
112. Oh, well.Copy !req
113. You know, my mom's name
was Marietta.Copy !req
114. Really. What a random,Copy !req
115. completely
unrelated coincidenceCopy !req
116. that has nothing
to do with me.Copy !req
117. Pops. I don't even know
how to say this, man,Copy !req
118. but I didn't come here
just to do your yard.Copy !req
119. Huh?
I came to WoodcrestCopy !req
120. because I think
you're my dad.Copy !req
121. Yes, she does.
Really nice ones. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
122. Mm-hm.
No, no, I saidCopy !req
123. I think you're my dad.Copy !req
124. Don't worry about the tab.
I got the next round.Copy !req
125. No, no, I said...Copy !req
126. Wait, wait, hold on.
Wait, hold on.Copy !req
127. I knew it. I knew you
were a scam artist the momentCopy !req
128. I laid eyes on you.
Pops, please, man.Copy !req
129. Please, man,
just give me a second.Copy !req
130. Shame on you trying to scam
an old man.Copy !req
131. Mowing his lawn, trimming his
shrubs, planting some color.Copy !req
132. I don't ever want
to see you around here again.Copy !req
133. Oh, come on, man.Copy !req
134. Pops, man, wait.Copy !req
135. Wait, Pop, Pop.Copy !req
136. You my ride!Copy !req
137. Granddad, it's not like
you did anything wrong.Copy !req
138. He's not my son.
I mean, you had no way to know.Copy !req
139. Did you hear what I just said?
He's not my son.Copy !req
140. And I don't ever
want to hearCopy !req
141. the name Lando
in this house again.Copy !req
142. And no one is allowed
to watch Empire Strikes BackCopy !req
143. or The Return of the Jedi
ever again either.Copy !req
144. Hey, Pops.Copy !req
145. You. I told you
to get away from here.Copy !req
146. I tried to be nice.
Now I'm calling the police.Copy !req
147. You're trespassing
on private property.Copy !req
148. Hey, Pops, I'm not
stalking you or nothing,Copy !req
149. I'm just over here doing
some work for the DuBois'.Copy !req
150. Big Tom, big Tom.
What's the business, baby?Copy !req
151. Keep sending them dumb-ass
niggas to jail, big dude.Copy !req
152. They ham-ass know they shouldn't
have did that shit.Copy !req
153. Anyway, the hot water fixed
in the guest bathroom,Copy !req
154. so you all good.
The guests can drop a deuce,Copy !req
155. wash they booger hooks,
get fresh, disinfect.Copy !req
156. No prob. Know what I'm talking
about? Popping your collar.Copy !req
157. Oh, man,
you are a godsend.Copy !req
158. Robert, I guess we have you
to thank for Lando, huh?Copy !req
159. What's that supposed to mean?
I didn't give him life,Copy !req
160. if that's what you're implying.
I told him you wereCopy !req
161. the first one to give
a brother a chanceCopy !req
162. to show what I can do.Copy !req
163. And don't worry, Lando,Copy !req
164. I'm gonna make some calls
as well.Copy !req
165. Hey, you know I gotta put
my folks on.Copy !req
166. You know how we do.Copy !req
167. Yeah.Copy !req
168. Where's this guy been
all our lives, huh?Copy !req
169. See you later.Copy !req
170. What is your game?
Blackmail? Extortion?Copy !req
171. What do you want
from me?Copy !req
172. My mother left a journal.Copy !req
173. She said she got pregnant
by a man she loved very much,Copy !req
174. whose nickname was Lando.
And there was this.Copy !req
175. Man, I ain't come here
to steal nothing from you, man.Copy !req
176. I just wanted to find my pops
and tell himCopy !req
177. that I thank him for skeeting
that life into Moms, man.Copy !req
178. I just wanted to tell him
I love him very much,Copy !req
179. and I respect him
for everything he did, man.Copy !req
180. Get away from me.
You can't be my son.Copy !req
181. You too ugly to be my son.
Oh, okay. I-I get it.Copy !req
182. The problem
ain't having a son,Copy !req
183. I-it's just having
me as a son, huh?Copy !req
184. I want you out of this
neighborhoodCopy !req
185. and out of my life forever.
You got that?Copy !req
186. Everybody do things
on they own time.Copy !req
187. I ain't in no rush.
I ain't even tripping.Copy !req
188. Only thing is, I don't know
what your Casio looking like.Copy !req
189. But you know, whenever
you wanna holler at your boy,Copy !req
190. I'm right here, man,
posted like a lamp.Copy !req
191. I love you, Pops. I ain't never
gonna stop loving you.Copy !req
192. Never.Copy !req
193. I'm sorry to stop by
on such short notice.Copy !req
194. I didn't really know
who else to turn to.Copy !req
195. Come on, Pops.
You know it ain't no thang,Copy !req
196. I'm here to help. So you need
a person, uh, removed?Copy !req
197. Yes.
You mean, like,Copy !req
198. removed from the Earth?Copy !req
199. No. I mean like removed
from the neighborhood.Copy !req
200. Oh-ho-ho, so you want him
kidnapped.Copy !req
201. Well, kinda.
Not really.Copy !req
202. Can't you just take him
someplace really far awayCopy !req
203. like South America
or Africa or something?Copy !req
204. Well, you realize
that if you don't kill himCopy !req
205. there's nothing preventing him
from coming back.Copy !req
206. Well, if you took him
really far away,Copy !req
207. he wouldn't have
enough money to come back.Copy !req
208. I don't know.
I just want him to go away.Copy !req
209. Okay, okay, okay, okay,
back up.Copy !req
210. Who we talking about?Copy !req
211. His name is Lando.
Oh, shit, Lando?Copy !req
212. The new handyman?Copy !req
213. Man, that motherfucker
is cold with that landscaping.Copy !req
214. What's your beef with him?
He's a con manCopy !req
215. pretending to be my son.
Oh, I see.Copy !req
216. But he ain't your son?
He is absolutely, positively,Copy !req
217. almost virtually
certainly not.Copy !req
218. Shit,
he seemed cool to me.Copy !req
219. You know how some people
you just like right off the bat?Copy !req
220. But yeah, shit,
I say kill him.Copy !req
221. Kill him?
I don't wanna kill him.Copy !req
222. All right, all right,
the only other choice might beCopy !req
223. to get one of them DNA testsCopy !req
224. to prove
you ain't the father.Copy !req
225. Really? Where do you get
one of those tests done?Copy !req
226. Oh, I know one place
that do it for free.Copy !req
227. Coming up next,Copy !req
228. on The Steve Wilkos Show.Copy !req
229. I just wanna know
who my real father is.Copy !req
230. Moms always said
his nickname was Lando.Copy !req
231. Didn't you used to call
yourself Lando?Copy !req
232. Didn't you? Answer me!
Stand up!Copy !req
233. Don't even think
about sitting on my stage.Copy !req
234. Stand up!
But my knees hurt.Copy !req
235. Get your ass up.Copy !req
236. What kind of man
doesn't bother to see his kidCopy !req
237. for 30 years?
Thirty fucking years?Copy !req
238. B-But I didn't know—
You know what I wanna do?Copy !req
239. I wanna beat
the living shit out of you!Copy !req
240. Whoa, easy there,
big fella.Copy !req
241. I will not be easy on you!Copy !req
242. I fucking hate you!Copy !req
243. You make me wanna—Copy !req
244. Before the show
you took a DNA test.Copy !req
245. And the results
of the DNA test are...Copy !req
246. Robert is—Copy !req
247. Steve. Steve.
Steve. Steve.Copy !req
248. Robert,Copy !req
249. you are the father.Copy !req
250. You are the sack
from which I come.Copy !req
251. You are the sack from—Copy !req
252. That's the— That's the pair
that I came from.Copy !req
253. Look at them number one's
that I came from.Copy !req
254. I came out
that tube right there.Copy !req
255. Good-looking man.
Yes.Copy !req
256. How you feel now?
Deadbeat. Huh?Copy !req
257. Wait, I didn't know.
I— I—Copy !req
258. You finally gonna take
responsibilityCopy !req
259. or are you gonna keep making
excuses, you pussy punk bitch?Copy !req
260. Hey, nigga, don't call my daddy
no pussy punk bitch.Copy !req
261. Look at him.
He is a pussy punk bitch.Copy !req
262. I hate to say this, Granddad,Copy !req
263. but you did look like
a pussy punk bitch.Copy !req
264. You should have stuck
with your story.Copy !req
265. It was a DNA test.
Well, study next time.Copy !req
266. Ow!
Granddad,Copy !req
267. there's no use beating
yourself up.Copy !req
268. Yeah, Steve Wilkos
already did that.Copy !req
269. I can't believe
all this time, a son.Copy !req
270. A son named Lando.Copy !req
271. Granddad,
it's not all your fault.Copy !req
272. This doesn't make you
a horrible person.Copy !req
273. It's all
your fucking fault!Copy !req
274. You're a horrible
fucking person!Copy !req
275. Oh, why me?
Why did he do this to me?Copy !req
276. Granddad, it seems like
he just wants the chanceCopy !req
277. to get to know his dad.
Which means you have to be a manCopy !req
278. and own up to this.Copy !req
279. You may not
owe him anything else,Copy !req
280. but you do owe him that.Copy !req
281. Man,
I say be a real niggaCopy !req
282. and don't own up
to nothing.Copy !req
283. You got it right
the first time.Copy !req
284. Pretend it
never happened.Copy !req
285. Who cares about the show?Copy !req
286. Anybody asks,
it ain't yours.Copy !req
287. Congratulations, Daddy.
Oh, you must be so proud.Copy !req
288. A 198-pound bouncing baby
adult Negro.Copy !req
289. Boy, they grow up so fast—Copy !req
290. You know, Robert,
any boy can make a baby,Copy !req
291. but it takes a real man—Copy !req
292. Shut the fuck up.
I'm sick of this shit.Copy !req
293. Hey, hey, don't blame me,
I said kill him.Copy !req
294. You also told me to go on
that stupid show.Copy !req
295. Hey, you ain't tell me
you was actuallyCopy !req
296. the man's daddy.
That's bad intel.Copy !req
297. I can't be held responsible
for no bad intel.Copy !req
298. I didn't know
I was his daddy.Copy !req
299. Now everybody knows.
What am I supposed to do?Copy !req
300. Way I see it, you got
two options. Option one,Copy !req
301. which I don't recommend,
is to work it out.Copy !req
302. You don't recommend
working it out?Copy !req
303. No, but it's a option.Copy !req
304. You guys are both grown,Copy !req
305. you try to come to terms
with it. Get to know each other,Copy !req
306. make up for some lost time.
Now, I ain't sayingCopy !req
307. it's gonna be a easy
adjustment,Copy !req
308. but, I mean, there's counseling,
therapy.Copy !req
309. This person could enrich
your lifeCopy !req
310. in ways you can't
even imagine.Copy !req
311. Yeah, Huey said something
like that.Copy !req
312. But I never listen to him.
Now, I still sayCopy !req
313. the smarter move
is option two,Copy !req
314. which is just let me put two
in the back his headCopy !req
315. and be done with it.
Huh? No.Copy !req
316. Hey, hey, hey, hey,
don't worry about the fee.Copy !req
317. I ain't gonna rape you
on the price.Copy !req
318. You ain't got to worry
about that.Copy !req
319. No. I don't want you
to kill him.Copy !req
320. Maybe I should
just work it out.Copy !req
321. Look, I can name at least
two or three instancesCopy !req
322. in my life where I tried
to work out some shitCopy !req
323. by trying to find
some mutual understanding,Copy !req
324. and I can tell you
it's always fasterCopy !req
325. and easier to just kill 'em.
It just is.Copy !req
326. I don't want you
to kill him. Damn.Copy !req
327. Don't know why
you keep bringing it up.Copy !req
328. All right, up to you,Copy !req
329. but I think you should keep
that option open.Copy !req
330. Matter of fact,
Lando's outsideCopy !req
331. doing some work on the shrubs,
I'll call him in right now.Copy !req
332. Just let me know what
you want to do. All right?Copy !req
333. Lando!
What?Copy !req
334. Lando's here?
No, wait.Copy !req
335. Pops, what's going on?Copy !req
336. He wanted to talk
to you, Lando.Copy !req
337. He wants to try to,
uh, work this out.Copy !req
338. Look, man, I'm sorry
about what happenedCopy !req
339. on that show.
I mean, I didn't knowCopy !req
340. that nigga Steve Wilkos
was a dick like that.Copy !req
341. I swear I don't need
nothing from you, man,Copy !req
342. except a chance
to be, maybe,Copy !req
343. a small part of your life,
man. Just a small one.Copy !req
344. Thank you, Rummy, man.Copy !req
345. I appreciate you
giving of yourselfCopy !req
346. to help sort
this thing out.Copy !req
347. Ain't no sweat, partner.Copy !req
348. You know
I'm in your corner.Copy !req
349. So, what's it going
to be, Robert?Copy !req
350. Uh, option one
or option two?Copy !req
351. Option one. Option one.Copy !req
352. Option one it is.
No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
353. I said option one.
Okay.Copy !req
354. Well, which one
was option one?Copy !req
355. What's option one?
Getting to know each other.Copy !req
356. Yeah?
You sure that was option one?Copy !req
357. Yes. Let's spend
some time together,Copy !req
358. as a family.
Yeah, boy!Copy !req
359. That's what
I'm talking about!Copy !req
360. That's what I've always—
Man, look, man, I swear, man,Copy !req
361. once you get to know a nigga
you'll findCopy !req
362. I ain't even
that fucked up.Copy !req
363. Is you sure, Robert?
Yes, I'm sure!Copy !req
364. I'm sure too.Copy !req
365. Okay, then I've done my part.
It's up to y'all, now.Copy !req
366. Best of luck to you.
I love you, Dad.Copy !req
367. Boys, Lando is going to be
staying with us for awhile,Copy !req
368. because, supposedly,
it's the right thing to do.Copy !req
369. I just hope you boys
take this as a lessonCopy !req
370. that life can really
suck sometimes,Copy !req
371. and you should always
wear a condom.Copy !req
372. I got a condom on
right now.Copy !req
373. This is it. You'll be sharing
this room with the boys.Copy !req
374. No favorites.
Ha-ha.Copy !req
375. Yeah. What up, roomies?Copy !req
376. Yeah, this my half
of the room.Copy !req
377. And that, that's Huey's half
of the room.Copy !req
378. Well, where my half at?Copy !req
379. Your half is right there.Copy !req
380. And just 'cause
you technically our uncle,Copy !req
381. you ain't ahead of me,
nigga.Copy !req
382. As of right now,
you the youngest brother.Copy !req
383. Got that? I'm number two,
you number three, got it?Copy !req
384. Two nigga.
Three nigga.Copy !req
385. Say, man. I promise, man,
I'm gonna respect your spaceCopy !req
386. and I really, really,
appreciate, you know,Copy !req
387. just being here
part of the fam, man.Copy !req
388. I've been a part
of this family my whole life.Copy !req
389. It's an overrated
experience.Copy !req
390. Ah!Copy !req
391. Man, nigga had the trillest
dream last night.Copy !req
392. On the real,
it was like your boyCopy !req
393. had a job at this little
bunny ranch vineyardCopy !req
394. or some shit, man,
so all I could doCopy !req
395. was lick the ladies' feet
after they was finishedCopy !req
396. stepping on the grapes and
the bitches was just loving—Copy !req
397. Look, I can't concentrate
with your thingCopy !req
398. flapping around like that.
Go put some clothes on.Copy !req
399. I'm not hungry no more.
Yeah, I'm done.Copy !req
400. Aw, come on, man,
why you all tripping?Copy !req
401. Morning wood ain't nothing
to be ashamed of.Copy !req
402. That's how you know
you alive, man.Copy !req
403. I fit to show you,
you all bitch.Copy !req
404. Let's go.
Junior varsity, nigga.Copy !req
405. Nigga. Young Barkley.Copy !req
406. Shit.
Punk.Copy !req
407. Hey. That's a foul.Copy !req
408. Man, that ain't no foul,
nigga.Copy !req
409. That's playoff
basketball.Copy !req
410. Yeah, basketball,
not football, bitch.Copy !req
411. Give me the ball.Copy !req
412. Man, just 'cause you
the two niggaCopy !req
413. don't mean you can treat me
any kinda way, nigga.Copy !req
414. Huey, you gonna let him
do me like this?Copy !req
415. It's family,
I'm staying out of it.Copy !req
416. Huey, help your baby brother,
man. The nigga melting me.Copy !req
417. You guys seem a little
cramped in there.Copy !req
418. I'm thinking
about giving Lando his own room.Copy !req
419. That's not fair.Copy !req
420. Why does the three nigga
get his own room?Copy !req
421. You playing favorites,
Granddad.Copy !req
422. That's not true.
Oh, yeah?Copy !req
423. Lando gets to drink beer.Copy !req
424. Lando gets to smoke
with cigarettes.Copy !req
425. Why you love Lando
more than us, Granddad?Copy !req
426. Hey, hey,
what's going on, fam?Copy !req
427. Lando, I'm afraid
we gonna have to,Copy !req
428. uh, make some changes.Copy !req
429. From now on,
no smoking.Copy !req
430. What?
And no more drinking.Copy !req
431. Not at home. You're setting
a bad example for the boys.Copy !req
432. Why don't you understand me
for a change?Copy !req
433. Why can't you accept me
for who the fuck I am?Copy !req
434. You can't control my life!Copy !req
435. I hate you! I never want
to see you again!Copy !req
436. I wish I was never
your son!Copy !req
437. I'm sorry, Pops, I ain't
even mean that shit, man.Copy !req
438. It's just, my anger
got the best of me,Copy !req
439. and I'll do whatever
you say, man,Copy !req
440. from here on out, man.
It's— I need that.Copy !req
441. You know, I-I-I need
that discipline.Copy !req
442. That tough love,
you know?Copy !req
443. Don't—
Don't spare the rod on me.Copy !req
444. Matter of fact, man,
I'm going upstairsCopy !req
445. and get ready for
my ass-whupping right now.Copy !req
446. Left side, nigga.Copy !req
447. Whatever.
What you gonna do, nigga?Copy !req
448. Just watch your ass, nigga.
Ball.Copy !req
449. Watch your ass. Nigga.
Ah!Copy !req
450. Ha! Game, bitch.Copy !req
451. Who's the number two
nigga now, nigga?Copy !req
452. Nigga, you 7 feet tallCopy !req
453. bragging about beating
a little kid.Copy !req
454. Your game is garbage.
And you cheat.Copy !req
455. That's how it's
a fair match, nigga.Copy !req
456. I'm 7 feet garbage,
and you 3 feet nice.Copy !req
457. All right, that's true.
New game, nigga.Copy !req
458. Huh?Copy !req
459. Ah!Copy !req
460. Ah! Lando. Lando!Copy !req
461. You! You the one
been all over the neighborhoodCopy !req
462. trying to undercut
my business.Copy !req
463. You see this?
Take a good look at it.Copy !req
464. I tried to wipe my ass
with itCopy !req
465. except it chafed my gentle
under region.Copy !req
466. You ever heard of free-market
principles, nigga?Copy !req
467. You can't have no motherfucking
handyman monopolyCopy !req
468. out this motherfucker.Copy !req
469. Whoa, look who brought
his no-appointment-keepingCopy !req
470. black white ass
around here.Copy !req
471. Ah-ha. Et tu, Robert?
Et tu?Copy !req
472. Now, Robert, I know you mad,
but I never thoughtCopy !req
473. you would stoop this low.
Ah.Copy !req
474. Ruckus, that's enough.
This is your own fault.Copy !req
475. Lando is serious about
this landscaping businessCopy !req
476. and I'm supporting him.
He's good at it,Copy !req
477. and I'm proud of him.
Pops, you mean that?Copy !req
478. I do, son.Copy !req
479. Fine. I hope you niggas
are happy with each other.Copy !req
480. Aw, Pops.
You don't even knowCopy !req
481. what that meant to a nigga
right now.Copy !req
482. For the first time in my life,
I understandCopy !req
483. the true meaning of family—
And one more thing.Copy !req
484. George Lucas ruined
the Star WafranchiseCopy !req
485. the minute
that wavy-haired jigabooCopy !req
486. stepped on screen
and put his monkey pawsCopy !req
487. all over Princess Leia.Copy !req
488. Didn't I tell you?
Ha, Look at us.Copy !req
489. One big,
beautiful black family.Copy !req
490. Hm.Copy !req
491. I know you smiling
on the inside.Copy !req
492. I can tell, nigga.
I can tell.Copy !req
493. You can't bullshit
big baby brother, nigga.Copy !req
494. You just as gleeful
as a motherfucker, huh?Copy !req
495. Okay, gang,
food is just about ready.Copy !req
496. And turn that damn thing off.
You know how I feelCopy !req
497. about that Steve Wilkos show.
Okay, Pops,Copy !req
498. we fit to turn it off.
Hakeem, you are the father,Copy !req
499. and I hate
your fucking guts!Copy !req
500. Yes! Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
501. I cannot believe this.Copy !req
502. I knew it. I knew it.Copy !req
503. I knew he was
the baby daddy.Copy !req
504. Man,
I-I knew that shit too.Copy !req
505. Wait, stop.
Freeze it.Copy !req
506. All right,
bring it back. There.Copy !req
507. "Producers reserve the right
to nullify, falsify,Copy !req
508. "reverse and/or otherwise
misrepresent resultsCopy !req
509. "of DNA paternity tests
to preserveCopy !req
510. the integrity
of the show."Copy !req
511. "Actual DNA test
results available on request."Copy !req
512. Huh?
Aw.Copy !req
513. Oh.Copy !req
514. Hi, yeah, um,
we're calling aboutCopy !req
515. the DNA test
for Robert Freeman.Copy !req
516. Yeah, the "Near Death
Deadbeat" episode.Copy !req
517. Mm-hm. Okay.
Thanks.Copy !req
518. Granddad,
you're not the father.Copy !req
519. Aw, man. For real?Copy !req
520. You mean we just did
all that bonding for nothing?Copy !req
521. No, I-it wasn't
for nothing.Copy !req
522. I mean—
Slow down, playboy.Copy !req
523. You don't have
to say nothing, really.Copy !req
524. Huey, Riley,
what can I say, man?Copy !req
525. Nigga really appreciate
y'all for opening your own home,Copy !req
526. but if we ain't family,
what we doing this for?Copy !req
527. I ain't gotta be sharing no room
with two little boys,Copy !req
528. I ain't know no King of Pop
shit. I'll just beat it.Copy !req
529. So, what are you going
to do now, son?Copy !req
530. I mean, Lando?
Who knows?Copy !req
531. Maybe I'll find
that right lady, you know,Copy !req
532. start a family of my own.
This was kinda cool.Copy !req
533. All right,
you little niggas be easy.Copy !req
534. You listen
to your granddaddy.Copy !req
535. You real lucky
to have him.Copy !req
536. You all right?
Yeah. Whew.Copy !req
537. Glad that's over. I really
dodged a bullet there.Copy !req
538. He wasn't a bad guy,
though.Copy !req
539. I hope he does find
his real daddy one day.Copy !req
540. International star
and Colt 45 spokespersonCopy !req
541. Billy Dee Williams?Copy !req
542. Yes, you must be
Robert Freeman.Copy !req
543. I saw you on The Steve Wilkos
Show with Lando,Copy !req
544. but I'm afraid I've got
some pretty shocking news.Copy !req
545. He's not your son.Copy !req
546. We know that.Copy !req
547. How do you know that?Copy !req
548. Because he's my son.Copy !req
549. Your son?
What?Copy !req
550. You mean,
you and Marietta...?Copy !req
551. Yes.
She sent me a letter,Copy !req
552. must have been right before
she passed.Copy !req
553. I've been trying to find him,
but I couldn'tCopy !req
554. until I saw him
on your show.Copy !req
555. Is he here?Copy !req
556. That way.
If you hurryCopy !req
557. you might catch him.
Thanks.Copy !req
558. Man, I wish I could be
related to Billy Dee Williams.Copy !req
559. He way cooler than you,
Granddad.Copy !req
560. Guess that's why he get
all the bitches first.Copy !req
561. Boys, it's a great day
for yard work.Copy !req