1. Mmm.Copy !req
2. Riley, get the door.Copy !req
3. Granddad, is this the broccoli I bought at the store today?Copy !req
4. Yep, I cooked it up for you.Copy !req
5. Oh, you cooked it with the ham!Copy !req
6. It's pork-flavored broccoli.Copy !req
7. Granddad, there's more pork in the pork-flavored broccoliCopy !req
8. than there is broccoli.Copy !req
9. We talked about this.Copy !req
10. Vegetables cooked with pork... counts as pork.Copy !req
11. Hey.Copy !req
12. Do I smell pork-flavored broccoli?Copy !req
13. Hey, everyone. Mwah.Copy !req
14. I brought peach cobbler.Copy !req
15. Ewwww.Copy !req
16. Miss Dubois,Copy !req
17. your peach cobbler look like throw up.Copy !req
18. Boy!Copy !req
19. It do! Look!Copy !req
20. It look like throw up with peas in it.Copy !req
21. Miss Dubois, you been eatin' peas?Copy !req
22. Boy, what is wrong with you?Copy !req
23. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with her?Copy !req
24. She the one who brought vomitCopy !req
25. over here in a Tupperware container.Copy !req
26. That is not vomit!Copy !req
27. It just look like vomit.Copy !req
28. Now apologize to Miss Dubois.Copy !req
29. Um, I-it— It's okay.Copy !req
30. Really.Copy !req
31. Fine.Copy !req
32. Miss Dubois, I'm sorryCopy !req
33. your peach cobbler look like vomit with peas.Copy !req
34. Damn it, boy!Copy !req
35. Guys, please. We don't have to—Copy !req
36. I don't care if you beat me, Granddad.Copy !req
37. I won't eat it!Copy !req
38. That is disgustin'!Copy !req
39. It's completely uncalled for!Copy !req
40. GRANDDAD: You'll eat itCopy !req
41. if I have to shove it down your throat!Copy !req
42. Really, I didn't mean for it to be—Copy !req
43. I-I know what you tryin' to do!Copy !req
44. You tryin' to kill me!Copy !req
45. I hate you!Copy !req
46. You are gonna eat that cobbler!Copy !req
47. And you're gonna act like you like it!Copy !req
48. I don't wanna eatCopy !req
49. the cobbler!Copy !req
50. Best meal I've had in years, Robert.Copy !req
51. What's this called?Copy !req
52. I call it Granddad's pork swine delight.Copy !req
53. It consists of two pig knuckles glazed in honey.Copy !req
54. Pig tongue marinated in butter for two days.Copy !req
55. Chitlins—Copy !req
56. That's pig intestinesCopy !req
57. for y'all that don't know.Copy !req
58. —soaked in hot sauce,Copy !req
59. drizzled with mayonnaise,Copy !req
60. and then set to hardenCopy !req
61. on my back porchCopy !req
62. in 3 pounds of cheddar cheese.Copy !req
63. Mommy?Copy !req
64. I'm sleepy.Copy !req
65. Oh, don't worry about that, little baby.Copy !req
66. That's just "the itis."Copy !req
67. The what?Copy !req
68. The itis.Copy !req
69. That's what you call itCopy !req
70. when you get sleepy after a big meal.Copy !req
71. The itis?Copy !req
72. You know, Robert,Copy !req
73. I own a little health food spot near Meadowlark Park.Copy !req
74. Great location,Copy !req
75. but the food tastes like hot armpit on wheat bread.Copy !req
76. I've been thinking about making a change.Copy !req
77. You interested?Copy !req
78. My own restaurant.Copy !req
79. Mm-hm.Copy !req
80. Uh...Copy !req
81. That's a great idea, Robert.Copy !req
82. You know what's even a better idea isCopy !req
83. a lounge singer.Copy !req
84. I sing, Robert.Copy !req
85. I could...Copy !req
86. I could sing to the people while they—Copy !req
87. It should have bedsCopy !req
88. instead of tables—Copy !req
89. —so after people eat,Copy !req
90. they could just pass out.Copy !req
91. Good idea.Copy !req
92. We should get together tomorrow and talk.Copy !req
93. My own r-restra...Copy !req
94. Huey, you handle the dishes.Copy !req
95. I'm telling you, Robert,Copy !req
96. this is the best location in Woodcrest.Copy !req
97. I own all the businesses on this block.Copy !req
98. Everything except Meadowlark Memorial Park.Copy !req
99. I've been trying to buy that park for years,Copy !req
100. but the state is trying to buttfuck me on the price.Copy !req
101. But we'll see who buttfucks who.Copy !req
102. Wow.Copy !req
103. I didn't know Meadowlark Lemon died.Copy !req
104. Who's Meadowlark Lemon?Copy !req
105. I found that the whole health-food thingCopy !req
106. attracts the wrong kind of crowd.Copy !req
107. Hello, Mr. Wuncler.Copy !req
108. Hello.Copy !req
109. Cutie pie, hello.Copy !req
110. Excuse me, gentlemen.Copy !req
111. Would you like to sign our petition to getCopy !req
112. more humane treatment for immigrant workers?Copy !req
113. If you don't get that bullshitCopy !req
114. out of my face, bitch...Copy !req
115. Chico, take an order.Copy !req
116. Ah, sí, señor.Copy !req
117. Seventeen pigs,Copy !req
118. 75 pounds of butter,Copy !req
119. one and a half tons of grease.Copy !req
120. Sound like a good start?Copy !req
121. Mm-hm.Copy !req
122. I need to be thinking urban.Copy !req
123. More Negro.Copy !req
124. The black thing.Copy !req
125. That's what's happening now with the kids.Copy !req
126. Mm-hm.Copy !req
127. Eh.Copy !req
128. Everyone, listen up.Copy !req
129. I'd like to introduce you to my new partner,Copy !req
130. Robert Free-man.Copy !req
131. We're going to be opening a soul-food restaurant together.Copy !req
132. Hey, all right. Oh, soul food!Copy !req
133. Okay, so...Copy !req
134. you... are all fired.Copy !req
135. Ooh.Copy !req
136. Everyone else,Copy !req
137. I hate your kind.Copy !req
138. Never come back.Copy !req
139. Congratulations, Robert. This is gonna be great.Copy !req
140. Uh, Señor Wuncler. Are we fired too?Copy !req
141. Not the Mexicans.Copy !req
142. I'm half Mexican.Copy !req
143. Not the illegal Mexicans.Copy !req
144. ¡Olé!Copy !req
145. Mm-hm.Copy !req
146. Mm-hm.Copy !req
147. I present to you "The Luther."Copy !req
148. A full-pound burger patty covered in cheese,Copy !req
149. grilled onion, five strips of bacon,Copy !req
150. all sandwiched between—Copy !req
151. Two doughnuts!Copy !req
152. Two Krispy Kreme doughnuts.Copy !req
153. It's called the LutherCopy !req
154. because it was supposed to have been inventedCopy !req
155. by Mr. Luther Vandross himself.Copy !req
156. Luther Vandross is dead.Copy !req
157. And? What's your point?Copy !req
158. Hm?Copy !req
159. Is this one of your menus?Copy !req
160. Sausage and waffle and fried chickenCopy !req
161. breakfast lasagna?Copy !req
162. Yep.Copy !req
163. Bacon-wrapped chitlin-stuffed catfish?Copy !req
164. Granddad, you can't serve this kind of food to people.Copy !req
165. It'll cause... death.Copy !req
166. Whoa.Copy !req
167. This is what crack must feel like.Copy !req
168. Shame on you, Huey.Copy !req
169. Move out to the suburbs,Copy !req
170. and suddenly you too good for soul food.Copy !req
171. Perhaps you would enjoy a spot of cheeseCopy !req
172. and a buttered scone, white boy.Copy !req
173. Boy? Boy, are you okay?Copy !req
174. I'm sure it's just the itis, right?Copy !req
175. That or insulin shock.Copy !req
176. Do CPR.Copy !req
177. Riley, wake up!Copy !req
178. Yeah, I'm not sure yellin' at himCopy !req
179. is gonna help, Granddad.Copy !req
180. How do you not know CPR?Copy !req
181. I tried to learn CPR,Copy !req
182. but they wouldn't let me.Copy !req
183. 'Cause I was black.Copy !req
184. What?Copy !req
185. Nowadays, y'all run around and learn CPRCopy !req
186. whenever y'all want to.Copy !req
187. Just go around savin' lives,Copy !req
188. resuscitatin' each other willy-nilly.Copy !req
189. But when I was a young man,Copy !req
190. it used to be against the lawCopy !req
191. to teach colored folks CPR, okay?Copy !req
192. Man, that's not true!Copy !req
193. Granddad...Copy !req
194. is that you?Copy !req
195. Oh, boy,Copy !req
196. I thought we lost you there for a second.Copy !req
197. How was the Luther?Copy !req
198. Best... thing... ever.Copy !req
199. Sounds like an endorsement to me.Copy !req
200. Now, look at y'all. Just purty as a couple can be.Copy !req
201. How many in your party?Copy !req
202. Just us.Copy !req
203. And how long of a napCopy !req
204. will you be takin'?Copy !req
205. Well, we were thinking maybe 45 minutes.Copy !req
206. That's just great.Copy !req
207. Head on in.Copy !req
208. Tonight is pork-produced sushi.Copy !req
209. Hold on to your wasabiCopy !req
210. as we take you to a super-exclusiveCopy !req
211. grand opening of The Itis!Copy !req
212. A new place to see or be seen in Woodcrest.Copy !req
213. With the maître d'Copy !req
214. who might be causing all the ruckus,Copy !req
215. Uncle Ruckus.Copy !req
216. En français, my good man.Copy !req
217. That's Uncle "Rue-kue."Copy !req
218. It's French.Copy !req
219. I'm part French and Cherokee Indian,Copy !req
220. with just a splish-splash of Irish.Copy !req
221. I-I know Irish.Copy !req
222. Sometimes I drink Hennessy, and I make booty calls!Copy !req
223. All right, Rue-Kue.Copy !req
224. What's Robert Freeman's secret?Copy !req
225. Well, let me just say this here.Copy !req
226. If there's one thing that a colored man is good at,Copy !req
227. it's cookin' a pig.Copy !req
228. There you have it—Copy !req
229. That ain't to say a white manCopy !req
230. couldn't cook a pig better.Copy !req
231. His big brain just focused on more important things,Copy !req
232. like runnin' the world and spaceships.Copy !req
233. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
234. oh, you're such a wonderful crowd.Copy !req
235. My name is Tommy D, hip-hop lounge singer,Copy !req
236. and I'll be providingCopy !req
237. your listening pleasure this evening.Copy !req
238. And right now, I'd like to slow it on downCopy !req
239. with my main man, Biz Markie.Copy !req
240. Excuse me, brother.Copy !req
241. Mind if I have a word with youCopy !req
242. about some of the so-calledCopy !req
243. "food" you're servin' this evenin'?Copy !req
244. And here's the man himself.Copy !req
245. Robert, these two ladies wanted to meetCopy !req
246. the man behind The Itis.Copy !req
247. Well!Copy !req
248. Hello there, cutie pie.Copy !req
249. Hi.Copy !req
250. My name is Janet,Copy !req
251. and I just can't begin to tell youCopy !req
252. how fantastic your food is.Copy !req
253. Oh.Copy !req
254. Thank you, kindly.Copy !req
255. Biz.Copy !req
256. Yeah.Copy !req
257. Listen, I don't want to keep you,Copy !req
258. but I'm sure that you will be seeing a lot more of me.Copy !req
259. Bitches love free food, Robert.Copy !req
260. Oh, my God!Copy !req
261. Hey, where you goin'?Copy !req
262. Bed four needs more bacon.Copy !req
263. What did you tell him? What's behind your back?Copy !req
264. Elijah Muhammad's "How to Eat to Live."Copy !req
265. I knew it!Copy !req
266. Just what joy do you getCopy !req
267. out of trying to crush all of my dreams, Huey?Copy !req
268. Do you know how long I've wantedCopy !req
269. to own my own restaurant?Copy !req
270. Three weeks, at Sunday dinner.Copy !req
271. That was the first time you mentioned it,Copy !req
272. and you only started doin' the stupid Sunday dinner thingCopy !req
273. because you saw Soul Food on cable.Copy !req
274. We're gonna pause thisCopy !req
275. for the benefit of all y'all who never saw Soul Food.Copy !req
276. Soul Food is a movieCopy !req
277. about a big, humongous black grandmother,Copy !req
278. aptly named Big Mama.Copy !req
279. Big Mama demonstrates her loveCopy !req
280. by feeding herself and her offspringCopy !req
281. enormous amounts of pig lard.Copy !req
282. Then—Copy !req
283. Get this.Copy !req
284. —Big Mama's arteries are so clogged,Copy !req
285. they gotta amputate her arm.Copy !req
286. It was her leg!Copy !req
287. Right. Okay, whatever. Leg.Copy !req
288. Then she dies of a heart attack.Copy !req
289. Or another stroke or somethin'.Copy !req
290. God called her home.Copy !req
291. And what does the family doCopy !req
292. after she dies?Copy !req
293. They get together for a Sunday dinnerCopy !req
294. and eat the same food that just killed Big Mama.Copy !req
295. The same food!Copy !req
296. They didn't learn a lesson. Nobody went on a diet.Copy !req
297. And that's the end of the movie.Copy !req
298. Sunday dinners was my idea. They got that from me.Copy !req
299. Something wrong?Copy !req
300. Look, Ed,Copy !req
301. I'm sorry.Copy !req
302. We just lost a waiter, a-and...Copy !req
303. Robert, relax.Copy !req
304. Look around.Copy !req
305. Well, I still have to replace that waiter.Copy !req
306. Ugh.Copy !req
307. Wha—Copy !req
308. What people soon discoveredCopy !req
309. was that Granddad's food was as addictive as it was tasty.Copy !req
310. The restaurant was booked solid around the clock.Copy !req
311. People started to show up late for work.Copy !req
312. Others stopped going to work altogether.Copy !req
313. Jobs were lost.Copy !req
314. The Itis addicts who couldn't afford the bedsCopy !req
315. moved into Meadowlark Park.Copy !req
316. Without jobs,Copy !req
317. they turned to crime to feed their habit.Copy !req
318. A month after The Itis opened,Copy !req
319. Meadowlark Park had its first mugging.Copy !req
320. No, no!Copy !req
321. Stop! Stop! Give me that!Copy !req
322. Hello?Copy !req
323. 911?Copy !req
324. I've been mugged!Copy !req
325. It took 3 hours for the police to arrive.Copy !req
326. This was officially a bad neighborhood.Copy !req
327. Ow!Copy !req
328. You bitch!Copy !req
329. Oh, you—Copy !req
330. Stay away from my food!Copy !req
331. Whoa, whoa! Hey!Copy !req
332. Don't damage the floor!Copy !req
333. Hey, Granddaddy,Copy !req
334. it's me,Copy !req
335. Hey! Janet.Copy !req
336. We met on opening night.Copy !req
337. Damn!Copy !req
338. What happened to you?Copy !req
339. Look, I was just wonderingCopy !req
340. if I could get a quick Luther burger.Copy !req
341. Hey, come on, get off me!Copy !req
342. Please. Look, just one.Copy !req
343. What's wrong with you, woman?Copy !req
344. Hey, get off my leg!Copy !req
345. You got one in that bag, don't you?Copy !req
346. Please, Granddaddy. I'll do anything!Copy !req
347. Then take the damn thing!Copy !req
348. Damn!Copy !req
349. That was my dinner.Copy !req
350. Don't worry about last night.Copy !req
351. We'll get you some security.Copy !req
352. This ain't exactlyCopy !req
353. the best neighborhood anymore,Copy !req
354. but we have a bigger problem.Copy !req
355. We're losing money because you're not gettingCopy !req
356. these people out of here fast enough.Copy !req
357. Like him.Copy !req
358. Get your ass up,Copy !req
359. or pay for another hour in the bed! Now!Copy !req
360. I can't...Copy !req
361. Chico!Copy !req
362. Oh, God.Copy !req
363. There.Copy !req
364. Look like a bed just opened up.Copy !req
365. Check this out.Copy !req
366. I had Chico modify the bedCopy !req
367. like the Mexicans do with their cars.Copy !req
368. They call it...Copy !req
369. "hydraulics."Copy !req
370. Watch this.Copy !req
371. Let's see.Copy !req
372. Um, this is my first time here,Copy !req
373. but all my friends rave about it.Copy !req
374. What's good?Copy !req
375. Oh, everything here will kill you.Copy !req
376. Run.Copy !req
377. Fine.Copy !req
378. You wanna keep playin' around?Copy !req
379. Now, you can wash the dishes.Copy !req
380. Granddad, look what you've done to this community.Copy !req
381. It's not that bad.Copy !req
382. Not that bad?Copy !req
383. This place used to sitCopy !req
384. between a coffee shop and a day spa.Copy !req
385. Now, there's a liquor store and a damn Foot Locker.Copy !req
386. This food is destructive.Copy !req
387. This food is your culture.Copy !req
388. Then the culture is destructive.Copy !req
389. He's right,Copy !req
390. Señor Freeman.Copy !req
391. All African-American slaves had to eatCopy !req
392. was the parts of the pigsCopy !req
393. the slaves' masters wouldn't eat,Copy !req
394. but that was a survival technique, ese.Copy !req
395. They didn't really have a choice.Copy !req
396. I don't think people are supposed to eat this stuff.Copy !req
397. Or, at least, not so much.Copy !req
398. What?Copy !req
399. I can't take an Afro-American Studies classCopy !req
400. at the community college?Copy !req
401. Well, nobody asked you, Chico.Copy !req
402. This is my restaurant,Copy !req
403. and we'll serve the food that I wanna serve, señor.Copy !req
404. Actually, it's my restaurant,Copy !req
405. and it's shutting down.Copy !req
406. Sorry, Robert.Copy !req
407. It was fun while it lasted.Copy !req
408. But, uh, w-what happened?Copy !req
409. Granddad learned white peopleCopy !req
410. had their own survival techniques.Copy !req
411. They call it "litigation."Copy !req
412. Janet O'Siren had gone from this,Copy !req
413. to this...Copy !req
414. and back to this,Copy !req
415. with the help of two liposuctionsCopy !req
416. and emergency gastrointestinal surgery.Copy !req
417. We want half a million for medical billsCopy !req
418. and 4 million in emotional damages.Copy !req
419. We'll pay her insurance deductible.Copy !req
420. Deal.Copy !req
421. And, um— Ahem.Copy !req
422. —one last Luther burger.Copy !req
423. Chico!Copy !req
424. Wuncler feared it would beCopy !req
425. the first of many lawsuits against The Itis.Copy !req
426. Granddad's restaurant was no more.Copy !req
427. Mmm, mmm! Oh!Copy !req
428. This isn't fair.Copy !req
429. The people liked this restaurant,Copy !req
430. and they liked me.Copy !req
431. I never wanted to hurt anybody.Copy !req
432. Janet, are you okay?Copy !req
433. I think she's having a heart attack.Copy !req
434. I believe our business is done.Copy !req
435. Have a nice day.Copy !req
436. Call me later, Robert.Copy !req
437. Hello.Copy !req
438. 911?Copy !req
439. My client's having a heart attack.Copy !req
440. They're not gonna come.Copy !req
441. Yes. We're on the corner of, um, uh,Copy !req
442. Cherry Street and— And Fifth.Copy !req
443. Right across from Meadowlark Park.Copy !req
444. Hello?Copy !req
445. Told you.Copy !req
446. Don't you know CPR?Copy !req
447. I'm a lawyer. We don't help people.Copy !req
448. What about you guys? Don't you know CPR?Copy !req
449. So I told him,Copy !req
450. they wouldn't even teach black people CPRCopy !req
451. when I was young.Copy !req
452. We still do the Sunday dinners.Copy !req
453. I think Granddad just likes being popular.Copy !req
454. But we do switch up the menu from week to week.Copy !req
455. It's somethin'.Copy !req
456. So, what happened?Copy !req
457. Chico saved her.Copy !req
458. Eh. I took a class.Copy !req
459. And after this meal, nobody passed out.Copy !req
460. If you'll excuse me.Copy !req
461. Robert, may I use—?Copy !req
462. Bathroom's upstairs, right?Copy !req
463. Huey!Copy !req
464. Take care of the dishes, okay?Copy !req
465. Don't anybody go in the bathroomCopy !req
466. for 35 or 45 minutes.Copy !req
467. Whew!Copy !req
468. Open the window!Copy !req