1. y'all know what a nigga moment is.
Copy !req
2. A nigga moment is when the mind
Copy !req
3. of a perfectly logical black man
Copy !req
4. is overwhelmed by some stupid nigga shit.
Copy !req
5. Like when a nigga steps up on your sneaker
Copy !req
6. and fucks up your kicks, or hits your car or some shit.
Copy !req
7. And the nigga get mad
Copy !req
8. like it's your fault, like you fucked up.
Copy !req
9. So his ignorance makes you act crazy.
Copy !req
10. And the next thing you know, niggas is beefing,
Copy !req
11. shooting, fighting, and somebody ends up dead.
Copy !req
12. But yo, not even death can stop a nigga moment.
Copy !req
13. He was the baddest motherfucker
Copy !req
14. that hell had ever seen.
Copy !req
15. Colonel motherfucking Stinkmeaner,
Copy !req
16. holler at your boy, I gets money.
Copy !req
17. He trained like a beast.
Copy !req
18. Y'all gonna have to kick me out of this bitch.
Copy !req
19. I'm having the time of my life.
Copy !req
20. He was so bad, he even called me,
Copy !req
21. the devil himself, a—
Copy !req
22. Bitch-ass nigga!
Copy !req
23. This is how you break your foot off in a motherfucker's ass.
Copy !req
24. Hyah! Hyah!
Copy !req
25. Ah! You baldheaded devil monks
Copy !req
26. are trying to swarm on a nigga, huh?
Copy !req
27. You just got a two-piece combo and biscuit, ho.
Copy !req
28. Gotcha, nigga.
Copy !req
29. I see ya.
Copy !req
30. I feel it.
Copy !req
31. Stinkmeaner, your heart of darkness
Copy !req
32. has earned you a trip back.
Copy !req
33. You have my blessings to exact vengeance
Copy !req
34. on the Freeman family
Copy !req
35. and to spread ignorance and chaos
Copy !req
36. in the black community.
Copy !req
37. They will be no match for you.
Copy !req
38. Ah! Hell ain't shit.
Copy !req
39. I'm gonna get you, Freeman!
Copy !req
40. Mm-hm.
Copy !req
41. Mm! Wow, so she's on my friends list?
Copy !req
42. Yup, she your very first cyber friend
Copy !req
43. and you're her 3 millionth.
Copy !req
44. Yeah, boy! I love technology.
Copy !req
45. My granddad recently
Copy !req
46. discovered online dating.
Copy !req
47. You should post more pics.
Copy !req
48. Ho's love pictures, Granddad.
Copy !req
49. I'm starting to feel like Shemar Moore up in here.
Copy !req
50. Hoo! Boy, let's get some music on.
Copy !req
51. Turn on the My-pod and let's get on the I-space.
Copy !req
52. Hey, which outfit
Copy !req
53. you want next, Granddad?
Copy !req
54. The leather vest. The one with the rhinestones.
Copy !req
55. Granddad, I—
Copy !req
56. I can come back.
Copy !req
57. Boy, get over here and take this picture.
Copy !req
58. Now, what's wrong with you? Why the long face?
Copy !req
59. I had a bad dream about—
Copy !req
60. Talk and shoot at the same time, boy.
Copy !req
61. Granddad, you want
Copy !req
62. "Beat It" or "Thriller"?
Copy !req
63. Mmm, that's a tough one.
Copy !req
64. Take 'em back and go get my purple Speedo.
Copy !req
65. Purple Speedo?
Copy !req
66. That's gay.
Copy !req
67. All right, boy, so you had a bad dream.
Copy !req
68. It was a really bad dream about—
Copy !req
69. I don't see the purple one.
Copy !req
70. Did you check the Speedo drawer?
Copy !req
71. Go ahead, boy. Bad dream and...?
Copy !req
72. It was about Stinkmeaner.
Copy !req
73. Leopard print's all I could find.
Copy !req
74. Oh, man.
Copy !req
75. Damn, these things are tight. What about Stinkmeaner?
Copy !req
76. He was in hell, and he was coming back to get us.
Copy !req
77. Stinkmeaner? Don't be crazy.
Copy !req
78. That old man that Granddad killed for no reason?
Copy !req
79. No reason? That man was a psycho.
Copy !req
80. He almost killed your granddaddy.
Copy !req
81. He was blind. You killed a blind old man.
Copy !req
82. Colonel Stinkmeaner was a menace.
Copy !req
83. And I sent him to hell where he belongs.
Copy !req
84. Yeah, Granddad, real tough with the handicapped.
Copy !req
85. He probably gonna beat up some retarded kids next.
Copy !req
86. This retarded man gonna whup your ass,
Copy !req
87. that's what he's gonna do.
Copy !req
88. Wait— You know what I meant! What were we talking about?
Copy !req
89. Oh, yeah, your dream.
Copy !req
90. Look, boy,
Copy !req
91. Stinkmeaner ain't coming back.
Copy !req
92. He can't hurt you or me or any of us, okay?
Copy !req
93. Now, let's get one more picture.
Copy !req
94. Some people are scared
Copy !req
95. of zombies or vampires,
Copy !req
96. but the thing that scare black people the most
Copy !req
97. are niggas and nigga moments.
Copy !req
98. Tom DuBois was as far from a nigga
Copy !req
99. as a black man could be.
Copy !req
100. But Stinkmeaner knew that every black man's spirit
Copy !req
101. is weakened during a nigga moment.
Copy !req
102. What the—?
Copy !req
103. Oh, come on, you n— Nincompoop.
Copy !req
104. You can't do that! Hey, come on.
Copy !req
105. Nigga moments can happen to any black man at any time.
Copy !req
106. Hey, I— That was my space.
Copy !req
107. I had my blinker on and everything.
Copy !req
108. Fuck you, punk-ass, bougie-ass, hook-ass nigga!
Copy !req
109. I'll beat your motherfucking ass, nigga!
Copy !req
110. Don't never in your life ever try to holler at me.
Copy !req
111. Fuck with me, nigga, and I'll be popping a trunk
Copy !req
112. on your bitch ass, nigga.
Copy !req
113. Get my motherfucking Uzi.
Copy !req
114. What did you say, nigga?
Copy !req
115. You know what, motherfucker?
Copy !req
116. Eat a dick, nigga. I'm tired of this mo—
Copy !req
117. Oh, yeah, look at ya.
Copy !req
118. You was popping all that good shit a second ago.
Copy !req
119. Then you got kicked in your chest.
Copy !req
120. You eat a dick, nigga, you eat a dick!
Copy !req
121. Oh— Oh, my God.
Copy !req
122. Sir, are you okay?
Copy !req
123. Who did this to you? What—? What did he look like?
Copy !req
124. Did— Did anyone see who accosted this man?
Copy !req
125. I got a date? I can't believe it.
Copy !req
126. Of course you got a date, Granddad.
Copy !req
127. Everything on your page is a lie.
Copy !req
128. No, it is not.
Copy !req
129. Granddad, you don't skydive,
Copy !req
130. you're not Brazilian,
Copy !req
131. and you never was a member of G-Unit.
Copy !req
132. Mind your damn business.
Copy !req
133. And she probably a man. Shut up.
Copy !req
134. So, Mrs. Wong,
Copy !req
135. there you were not carjacking Mr. Teskinelli,
Copy !req
136. beating him senseless with a nine iron,
Copy !req
137. stealing his wallet and driving his car
Copy !req
138. into the hosiery section of the JCPenney?
Copy !req
139. Correct.
Copy !req
140. I have no further questions.
Copy !req
141. Now, Mrs. Wong, let me ask you a question.
Copy !req
142. What's good, nigga?
Copy !req
143. Ahhh!
Copy !req
144. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
145. Excuse me, Mr. DuBois?
Copy !req
146. Ahem. Well, I-I said, um...
Copy !req
147. What's really good?
Copy !req
148. Is there something really good
Copy !req
149. you'd like to share with the court, Mr. DuBois?
Copy !req
150. Fuck your court, nigga!
Copy !req
151. Mr. DuBois! Fuck your court, nigga!
Copy !req
152. Fuck your court!
Copy !req
153. Lady Liberty's got balls!
Copy !req
154. Oh, no.
Copy !req
155. What's good, nigga?
Copy !req
156. Meanwhile, I couldn't
Copy !req
157. shake the feeling
Copy !req
158. that an evil force was gathering.
Copy !req
159. I must be crazy.
Copy !req
160. Nah, you ain't crazy.
Copy !req
161. Stinkmeaner's coming back. But Stinkmeaner died.
Copy !req
162. What you gonna tell me, ghosts don't exist?
Copy !req
163. Then what the fuck do I look like?
Copy !req
164. Ghostface Killah isn't even dead.
Copy !req
165. Now, you say what you want,
Copy !req
166. that goofy-looking motherfucker is coming back.
Copy !req
167. Your granddad's nigga moment ain't dead yet.
Copy !req
168. But what am I supposed to do?
Copy !req
169. If death can't stop Stinkmeaner, what can?
Copy !req
170. Think about it. Peace.
Copy !req
171. Look, Granddad, I'm really worried about—
Copy !req
172. Watch it, boy, don't step on my roses.
Copy !req
173. Then why you putting them on the floor?
Copy !req
174. But, anyway, I know this is gonna sound crazy,
Copy !req
175. but I really think Stinkmeaner's—
Copy !req
176. Oh, hush, boy, I ain't got time for that.
Copy !req
177. Now, it's date night and you know the rules.
Copy !req
178. You get in that room.
Copy !req
179. I don't care if you hear scream
Copy !req
180. and feel the house shake like a earthquake.
Copy !req
181. You don't leave. Now, git!
Copy !req
182. Honey, I'm home.
Copy !req
183. Hey, honey.
Copy !req
184. Oh, yeah!
Copy !req
185. I think I wanna have sexual relations.
Copy !req
186. Tom, what's gotten into you?
Copy !req
187. Same thing that's about to get into you.
Copy !req
188. Oh, Tom!
Copy !req
189. Oh, yeah!
Copy !req
190. I'm gonna make it do what it do.
Copy !req
191. Oh, Tom!
Copy !req
192. Well, I'm in the studio with Snoop Doggy Dogg
Copy !req
193. and Tha Pound tonight.
Copy !req
194. But how about, uh, tomorrow, cutie pie?
Copy !req
195. Semicolon, right parenthesis. Mm.
Copy !req
196. Ha!
Copy !req
197. What the—?
Copy !req
198. Who's out there? Boys! Boys, help me.
Copy !req
199. I'm back, nigga! Oh, what the—?
Copy !req
200. Oh, my Lord!
Copy !req
201. Tom, just don't try to hurt me!
Copy !req
202. Oh, Lordy Lord.
Copy !req
203. What the hell? Tom, what's going on?
Copy !req
204. Tom, go away! I'm gonna call the police.
Copy !req
205. Did you hear that?
Copy !req
206. Man, I can't hear nothing over Granddad's gay-ass music.
Copy !req
207. Look out, new message.
Copy !req
208. Ah, man. It's an old dude with his shirt off.
Copy !req
209. Wait, that's Granddad. Ooh, he in the bathroom.
Copy !req
210. Probably just ran out of toiler paper again.
Copy !req
211. I ain't getting it for him neither. Nope.
Copy !req
212. Why would he send a message from—?
Copy !req
213. Hey!
Copy !req
214. What the hell? Tom, what's going on?
Copy !req
215. Oh, my goodness, the man is crazy.
Copy !req
216. Oh, you running?
Copy !req
217. What's going on? Oh, help me, son.
Copy !req
218. Help me, help me. Come on.
Copy !req
219. Oh, my goodness, some black people are crazy.
Copy !req
220. Oh, yeah! Here comes the pain.
Copy !req
221. Oh! Ahhh!
Copy !req
222. Goodness gracious to life.
Copy !req
223. Tom, what's wrong with you?
Copy !req
224. You on that stuff? Snap out of it, Tom.
Copy !req
225. Cocaine's a hell of a drug.
Copy !req
226. You don't remember me? You don't remember my name?
Copy !req
227. What's my name, nigga?
Copy !req
228. "Ahhh" ain't my name.
Copy !req
229. My mama didn't name "Ahhh."
Copy !req
230. What's my name, nigga? What's my name?
Copy !req
231. Stinkmeaner.
Copy !req
232. Ding, ding, ding, ding.
Copy !req
233. That's right, nigga.
Copy !req
234. Mr. DuBois?
Copy !req
235. I don't know how you got here, Stinkmeaner,
Copy !req
236. but you're going back to hell.
Copy !req
237. Oh, yeah! I'm going back.
Copy !req
238. And I'm taking y'all with me
Copy !req
239. in the first-class cabin on the ass-whupping express.
Copy !req
240. All aboard. Whoo-whoo!
Copy !req
241. Yeah.
Copy !req
242. You ain't too nigga to get that ass whupped. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
243. Bring it on, Huey.
Copy !req
244. Whoo, come on.
Copy !req
245. Come on, braids.
Copy !req
246. All right, here we go.
Copy !req
247. Is that all you got?
Copy !req
248. Get a bar.
Copy !req
249. Get your bars up, nigga.
Copy !req
250. Yeah!
Copy !req
251. Whoa! Yeah, I got you now.
Copy !req
252. Get off me, you bitch ass, you faggot ass!
Copy !req
253. Not the lamp. No.
Copy !req
254. Damn it, boy. You know how much that lamp cost?
Copy !req
255. I'm a-kill you.
Copy !req
256. You beat me in the parking lot.
Copy !req
257. Not the vase. No!
Copy !req
258. I want my parking space.
Copy !req
259. Boy, not the geisha. It's— It's a collectable.
Copy !req
260. That's what you get,
Copy !req
261. motherfucker.
Copy !req
262. Punching me in my stomach.
Copy !req
263. Why we gotta put the nigga in my bed?
Copy !req
264. What the hell got into Tom?
Copy !req
265. He's possessed by the ghost of Stinkmeaner.
Copy !req
266. Remember the dream I had?
Copy !req
267. Boy, don't nobody listen to you.
Copy !req
268. My bed ain't the only bed up in here.
Copy !req
269. Should we take him to the doctor?
Copy !req
270. What if he pees in the bed or vomit, or shoots a deuce?
Copy !req
271. Oh, Lordy Lord, my date.
Copy !req
272. Granddad,
Copy !req
273. Tom is possessed by an evil spirit
Copy !req
274. and just tried to kill us.
Copy !req
275. Lives are at stake.
Copy !req
276. Coming.
Copy !req
277. Well, hello, cutie pie.
Copy !req
278. Well, hello.
Copy !req
279. Uh, sorry about earlier.
Copy !req
280. I was rushing, and—
Copy !req
281. Oh, I think men who are comfortable with their bodies
Copy !req
282. are very sexy,
Copy !req
283. especially men with big round bellies.
Copy !req
284. Really?
Copy !req
285. And I like to cook, mostly pork.
Copy !req
286. I like to clean too. Wow.
Copy !req
287. You're not a man, are you?
Copy !req
288. No.
Copy !req
289. Robert Freeman!
Copy !req
290. Darling, all the women of my cultu—
Copy !req
291. Come here and fight like a man,
Copy !req
292. you bad nigga!
Copy !req
293. Who is that?
Copy !req
294. I don't hear anything.
Copy !req
295. I know you hear me, Robert!
Copy !req
296. I know you hear me! Ain't this a bitch.
Copy !req
297. I will not be ignored! Got a possessed nigga here,
Copy !req
298. and Granddad's worried about a date.
Copy !req
299. Get off me! You got a date, Robert?
Copy !req
300. Did you tell her that you got two sets of genitals?
Copy !req
301. A vagina and a coochie. Oh, that's a conjunction.
Copy !req
302. What is going on?
Copy !req
303. Oh— Oh, that? That's just the television.
Copy !req
304. Boys, turn the television down!
Copy !req
305. This ain't no TV show, nigga.
Copy !req
306. This is real talk, nigga.
Copy !req
307. My friends warned me that there were weirdoes on MySpace.
Copy !req
308. Wait, no. That's just the TV.
Copy !req
309. It's not the fact that you obviously have a man
Copy !req
310. possessed by an evil spirit strapped to a bed upstairs.
Copy !req
311. It's not? No.
Copy !req
312. It's the fact that you lied about it.
Copy !req
313. Huh?
Copy !req
314. You better leave.
Copy !req
315. You've reached
Copy !req
316. the national headquarters
Copy !req
317. of the Catholic Church.
Copy !req
318. No one is available to take your call.
Copy !req
319. If you would like to report sexual abuse—
Copy !req
320. Damn, there's got to be somebody we can call for an exorcism.
Copy !req
321. You is a bitch!
Copy !req
322. May white God bless you, Robert.
Copy !req
323. I came as fast as I could.
Copy !req
324. So this is the plan... Uncle Ruckus.
Copy !req
325. Let's get this party started.
Copy !req
326. ♪ Oh, yeah
Copy !req
327. You got bad credit, Robert!
Copy !req
328. Removing an evil-nigga spirit
Copy !req
329. from a Negro is
Copy !req
330. as hard as removing the stank from a hunk of shit.
Copy !req
331. We must use these tools that the great God
Copy !req
332. has given us to fight niggas.
Copy !req
333. A whip, a noose, a nightstick, a branding iron.
Copy !req
334. These things strike fear into a nigga's heart.
Copy !req
335. A job application.
Copy !req
336. Avoid conversation with the nigga.
Copy !req
337. You ain't right, Robert.
Copy !req
338. The nigga will lie.
Copy !req
339. The nigga will make excuses.
Copy !req
340. He will use words he don't really know.
Copy !req
341. If he gets really desperate, he may start to rap or dance.
Copy !req
342. You all, uh, testicles
Copy !req
343. and no shaft.
Copy !req
344. Ah, yeah.
Copy !req
345. What happened to your shaft?
Copy !req
346. There's powerful niggadry at work here.
Copy !req
347. Who in the hell are you?
Copy !req
348. Nigga, my name is Reverend Father Uncle Ruckus.
Copy !req
349. No relation.
Copy !req
350. In the name of white Jesus
Copy !req
351. and all great white men who have come thereafter,
Copy !req
352. I command thy black nigga soul back to the depths of hell.
Copy !req
353. Is that all you got, nigga?
Copy !req
354. Oh, no, nigger.
Copy !req
355. That's just the tip of this iceberg.
Copy !req
356. Read, nigga, read!
Copy !req
357. No!
Copy !req
358. Whoa!
Copy !req
359. Now, Robert, now. Just hit him with anything.
Copy !req
360. Come on, everybody join in.
Copy !req
361. Use your powerful hands. This is gonna be funny.
Copy !req
362. Let's whup this nigga's ass.
Copy !req
363. Repeat after me the holy phrase:
Copy !req
364. nigga, get your black ass outta here.
Copy !req
365. Nigga, get your black ass outta here.
Copy !req
366. Yeah, take that
Copy !req
367. you black cricket.
Copy !req
368. Nigga, get your black ass
Copy !req
369. outta here.
Copy !req
370. Nigga, get your black ass outta here.
Copy !req
371. I'm a-join in too.
Copy !req
372. Nigga, get your black ass
Copy !req
373. out of here.
Copy !req
374. Keep going!
Copy !req
375. Nigga, get your black ass
Copy !req
376. outta here.
Copy !req
377. This isn't an exorcism, it's a beating.
Copy !req
378. There's very little difference.
Copy !req
379. Nigga, get your black ass
Copy !req
380. outta here.
Copy !req
381. Ah, you niggas ain't shit!
Copy !req
382. Your mothers ain't shit.
Copy !req
383. Several hours later,
Copy !req
384. the exorcism of Tom DuBois
Copy !req
385. had made no recognizable progress.
Copy !req
386. Is the nigga still in him?
Copy !req
387. As long as he's black and breathing,
Copy !req
388. he's got nigga in him.
Copy !req
389. Ow!
Copy !req
390. What the fuck is wrong
Copy !req
391. with you, Huey?
Copy !req
392. You retarded? You gonna beat the man's brains in
Copy !req
393. and what you gonna say to the cops?
Copy !req
394. "Sorry, officer, we killed the nigga
Copy !req
395. 'cause he had a evil spirit"?
Copy !req
396. Ghost, it's late.
Copy !req
397. Can you just tell me what to do, so I can go to bed?
Copy !req
398. I can't believe you haven't figured this shit out yet.
Copy !req
399. Peace.
Copy !req
400. You got imaginary friends?
Copy !req
401. Peace? Peace? Peace.
Copy !req
402. Stinkmeaner, you hate black people, don't you?
Copy !req
403. I sure do.
Copy !req
404. I mean, I hate everyone in general,
Copy !req
405. but black people especially.
Copy !req
406. And— And, Ruckus, you hate black people too.
Copy !req
407. I wouldn't exactly call them people, but yeah.
Copy !req
408. Yeah, I have a deep distaste for Negroids.
Copy !req
409. Right, right. And, Stinkmeaner, I bet you hate rap music.
Copy !req
410. If you can call that old
Copy !req
411. stanky-booty gorilla noise "music."
Copy !req
412. Heh-heh. "Stanky-booty."
Copy !req
413. I must say that's a brilliant observation, 'Meaner.
Copy !req
414. I had forgotten,
Copy !req
415. a nigga moment
Copy !req
416. cannot be resolved through violence.
Copy !req
417. But where there's harmony and peace—
Copy !req
418. What? What's happening?
Copy !req
419. No! You tricked me.
Copy !req
420. —a nigga moment cannot exist.
Copy !req
421. No! You tricked me!
Copy !req
422. I'm gonna get you eventually, Robert.
Copy !req
423. You hear me, nigga?
Copy !req
424. Hey, guys.
Copy !req
425. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
426. Well, another nigga
Copy !req
427. successfully exorcised and/or beaten.
Copy !req
428. I'll send you an invoice, Robert.
Copy !req
429. Possessed or not, you gonna fix my damn house.
Copy !req
430. You gonna have another demon,
Copy !req
431. it's gonna be my foot up your ass.
Copy !req
432. Why am I in Riley's bed?
Copy !req
433. You know, that's
Copy !req
434. a real good question.
Copy !req
435. Why are you in my bed?
Copy !req
436. All the beds in this house
Copy !req
437. and I got the possessed nigga in my bed.
Copy !req
438. Ain't this a bitch? Some old bullshit.
Copy !req