The Big Bang Theory 7x6

Sheldon's latest scientific breakthrough leaves him feeling like a fraud; a romantic gesture between Howard and Bernadette causes Penny to up her game with Leonard.

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1. What are you working on?

2. Can't talk. In the zone.

3. Do you know what he's doing?

4. Could be anything.

5. Last time he was like this, he figured out

6. Electron transport in graphene.

7. The time before that, he was making a list

8. Of who's allowed in his tree fort if he ever gets one.

9. Still can't believe I didn't make the cut.

10. Uh, sheldon, you want to take a break?

11. Your food's ready.

12. No, no, what are you doing?

13. He's both happy and quiet.

14. It's like seeing a unicorn and bigfoot at the same time.

15. Sorry we're so late.

16. Bernadette got stuck at work.

17. Great news!

18. A raccoon virus just crossed the species barrier

19. And now can infect humans!

20. Why is that great news?

21. In the pharmaceutical business, we have a saying:

22. "mo' infections, mo' money."

23. Wait!

24. Maybe you want to wash

25. Your little raccoon hands first.

26. Oh, calm down.

27. If I had it, I'd be dead already.

28. Guys, listen up.

29. Can't listen, zone.

30. Also don't care.

31. Next week is the anniversary

32. Of my first date with bernadette.

33. Really don't care.

34. I want to do something special,

35. And I was hoping you guys could be a part of it.

36. Aw, what horrible thing

37. Are you trying to make up for?

38. Just putting something in the bank

39. For what horrible thing I do next.

40. Ah.

41. Look, she's gonna be back any second, so here's the deal:

42. I'm writing a song, and I was hoping

43. We could all play it for her together.

44. Aw... Oh, I love that.

45. That is so beautiful.

46. Sheldon?

47. When did we get to the cheesecake factory?

48. It's really sweet what howard wants to do for bernadette.

49. Yeah.

50. Hey, how come you've never done anything romantic

51. To celebrate our first date?

52. Well, for starters, you've broken up with me so many times,

53. Which first date are we talking about?

54. Ooh, somebody call the burn ward.

55. And back to the zone.

56. And besides, I do romantic things for you all the time.

57. Can you even name

58. One romantic thing you've done for me?

59. I can name tons.

60. Sex doesn't count. Oh.

61. I know, what about that bed-and-breakfast?

62. Well, I took you there.

63. All you did was...

64. I know what I did.

65. I bet they had to throw out that rocking chair.

66. You know, I can be romantic if I want to.

67. It's fine.

68. And also not true.

69. Okay, just you wait and see.

70. I'm gonna romance your freakin' ass off.

71. That's beautiful.

72. Is that shakespeare?

73. Sheldon?

74. Zone.

75. He'll figure it out when he falls off the roof.

76. Sheldon, I know you're in the zone,

77. But do you want some tea?

78. All right, I can't believe I'm gonna say this,

79. But you haven't spoken in hours

80. And I'm starting to get worried.

81. Please say something.

82. Leonard, prepare to be humbled

83. And weep at the glory of my genius.

84. Nope, it was better before.

85. Look at it.

86. I feel like my mind just made a baby.

87. And it's beautiful.

88. It's not like human babies,

89. Which are loud and covered in goop.

90. Holy crap, sheldon,

91. Did you just figure out a method

92. For synthesizing a new stable super-heavy element?

93. Did I?

94. Well, that can't be right.

95. No one's ever done that before.

96. Except me, because I just did it!

97. Yeah, definitely better before.

98. So I'm almost done writing the song for bernadette.

99. Are you cool playing the cello?

100. If by "cool" you mean "willing to," yes.

101. If by "cool" you mean "cool,"

102. Clearly you've never seen me play the cello.

103. Great. Will you play the ukulele?

104. Of course. I'd be happy to shred it on my ax.

105. Or you could just play your tiny, ridiculous guitar.

106. Fine. I will melt her heart.

107. And her face!

108. Gentlemen.

109. Uh, no doubt you heard about my little breakthrough.

110. Now, if your plan

111. Is to hoist me on your shoulders

112. And carry me around the cafeteria, please refrain.

113. I don't care for heights,

114. Motion sickness

115. Or the thought of your necks touching my buttocks.

116. Seriously, congratulations, sheldon.

117. Yeah, I read your paper online.

118. That technique for creating a new heavy element is inspired.

119. Oh, well, thank you.

120. Believe it or not,

121. I just learned a chinese research team

122. At the hubei institute for nuclear physics

123. Ran a test on a cyclotron,

124. And the results were extremely promising.

125. Sheldon, that's incredible.

126. Yeah, I know! They called it the greatest thing

127. Since the communist party.

128. Although I'm pretty sure that

129. The communist party made them say that.

130. I like china.

131. See, they know how to keep people in line.

132. So, what happens next?

133. Oh, more testing, more success, more fame.

134. But don't worry,

135. I will remain the same down-to-earth humble joe

136. I've always been.

137. Good to know. Yeah.

138. Now give me that cookie;

139. I discovered an element.

140. Thank you so much for coming.

141. You called the right person.

142. I believe I have the perfect romantic evening

143. For you to give leonard.

144. Okay, good, 'cause I've been

145. Really struggling with this.

146. As I'm sure you're aware,

147. The quickest way to a man's heart is through his...

148. Pants, but leonard says sex doesn't count.

149. Oh. You poor thing.

150. You have one arrow in your quiver,

151. And you just can't use it.

152. Fortunately, another pathway to a man's heart

153. Is through his stomach.

154. I don't know if I want to cook for him;

155. He's kind of a picky eater.

156. I mean, "it's too salty.

157. "it's too dry.

158. It's too burnt and frozen at the same time."

159. Wait, come on,

160. What else would sweep you off your feet?

161. Well, I've always had this fantasy

162. That involves dancing.

163. The sexual chemistry

164. Between my partner and me is electric.

165. But boy, oh, boy,

166. Does my father not approve

167. Until he sees us in the big dance competition.

168. Okay, that's just the plot for dirty dancing.

169. What else would you love?

170. Other than being lifted over patrick swayze's head.

171. Oh! Oh, uh, you could, uh, stand outside his window

172. With a boom box in the air.

173. That's from say anything.

174. Look, I'm a lonely guy; I watch a lot of movies.

175. Look, penny, if you truly want to be romantic,

176. It needs to come from you.

177. I get that, but why is this so hard?

178. Well, you've probably never had to do this stuff

179. 'cause you're young and beautiful

180. And men have always thrown themselves at you.

181. Hmm.

182. Yeah, I'm trying to be sad about that.

183. I can't.

184. Let's see, what's next?

185. Okay! Here.

186. This is the magic marker

187. I was using when I made the discovery.

188. I don't think the smithsonian's gonna want your marker.

189. And that's why you're not on a list for my tree fort.

190. Ooh, guess who's getting an article

191. Written about him in physics today?

192. I'll give you a hint.

193. You measured the diameter of his suspicious mole yesterday.

194. Sheldon, I'm so proud of you.

195. Well, you should be.

196. My discovery is spreading like wildfire.

197. Unlike my mole, which is holding steady

198. At the size of a navy bean.

199. What's next?

200. This is the very copy

201. Of the handbook of chemistry and physics

202. In which I looked up the reaction rates

203. Of mendelevium and...

204. And what? No.

205. No, no, no, no.

206. What's wrong?

207. I've made a horrible mistake.

208. What are you talking about?

209. This table— it's in square centimeters.

210. I read it as square meters.

211. You know what that means?

212. That americans can't handle the metric system?

213. Amy, I was off by a factor of 10,000.

214. But the chinese team found the element.

215. Yeah, well, they shouldn't have.

216. My calculations were wrong.

217. There must be some resonance

218. Between the elements I didn't know about.

219. So you just got lucky?

220. Sheldon cooper does not get lucky!

221. You and me both, brother.

222. It doesn't matter.

223. The element was found because of you,

224. And that's groundbreaking.

225. What matters is

226. The greatest scientific achievement

227. Of my life is based on a blunder.

228. I'm not a genius, I'm a fraud.

229. You know, sheldon, in neuroscience,

230. We're forever finding something in one part of the brain

231. That we thought was someplace else.

232. Oh, great.

233. Now I'm worse than a fraud.

234. I'm practically a biologist.

235. You got to stop beating yourself up over this.

236. I mean, you made a mistake, but it was a happy mistake.

237. There's nothing happy about it.

238. I'm being given credit that I don't deserve.

239. Oh, people get things they don't deserve all the time.

240. Look at me with you.

241. No, leonard, this is going to haunt me

242. For the rest of my life.

243. Every science classroom,

244. Every periodic table, every textbook—

245. This mistake will be staring back at me.

246. Like that time you let koothrappali wax your eyebrows.

247. I've got to find a way to stop this thing.

248. Buddy, I don't think you can.

249. I mean, once it's out there, it's out there.

250. This thing is like the science equivalent of a sex tape.

251. You know, frankly, I'd prefer a sex tape.

252. You don't know what a sex tape is, do you?

253. No.

254. Make sure you guys get to the restaurant by 8:00.

255. Bernadette's meeting me there at 8:30

256. And I don't want to blow the surprise. We'll be there.

257. Got it.

258. Now, uh, I have a question about the song.

259. I was thinking at some point

260. I could bust out a little rap.

261. N-n-n-no...

262. Come on, come on, you haven't even heard it yet.

263. Leonard, give me a beat.

264. I will not.

265. Please?

266. No, I want this to be romantic.

267. It will be!

268. I don't call anyone a ho,

269. And the only time I use the phrase "my bitch,"

270. I'm referring to you.

271. There he is!

272. Stop it.

273. Stop celebrating me!

274. Woo!

275. And no woos!

276. Oh, not you, dr. Woo. You're fine.

277. I want you all to know

278. That you have no reason to applaud me.

279. My so-called breakthrough

280. Wasn't the result of my genius.

281. It was nothing more than a boneheaded mistake.

282. So please refrain

283. From praising me for it in the future.

284. Wh... I don't understand.

285. They didn't find the element?

286. Oh, no, they found the element.

287. No, no, stop it!

288. I don't need to take this admiration

289. From the likes of you people!

290. How do I make them stop loving me?

291. Invite them to live with us.

292. Boy, bernadette is gonna love this.

293. Yeah. It must be nice to have someone

294. Do something so romantic.

295. Okay, you know what's not romantic?

296. Rubbing it in someone's face.

297. Actually, it can be,

298. But I told you sex doesn't count.

299. I'm getting worried about bernadette.

300. I'm gonna call and check on her.

301. The national science foundation

302. Wants to give me a substantial grant.

303. Oh, that's a big deal.

304. I know.

305. When will this nightmare end?

306. Hey, I get that you feel bad about all the attention,

307. But still, what you did is amazing.

308. We're really proud of you.

309. I'm not.

310. You're not?

311. Sheldon, I've been thinking about it,

312. And you're right.

313. You don't deserve any credit.

314. All you did was misread some numbers on a table.

315. A very easy table, too.

316. Honestly, I'm embarrassed for you.

317. That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard.

318. Damn it, everyone's better at this than me.

319. Congratulations, dr. Fowler.

320. You just made the fort.

321. Guys, there w-was an accident at bernie's lab.

322. Oh, my god, is she okay?

323. Yeah, but she's at the hospital in quarantine.

324. What? Poor bernadette.

325. Oh, no.

326. I hate to pile on the bad news, but I just got a raise.

327. Oh, my god, bernie, what happened?

328. Well, let's just say the next time you move

329. A dozen vials of raccoon virus to the fridge, make two trips.

330. You're sure you're okay?

331. Yeah, it's just a precaution.

332. If there was a problem,

333. I'd be throwing up out of my eyeballs by now.

334. Sorry I messed up our date.

335. No, don't worry about it.

336. I brought the date here.

337. Guys, come on in.

338. What's all this?

339. Well, tonight is the anniversary of our first date,

340. And I wanted to celebrate it by writing a song for you.

341. Howie.

342. Sheldon, get over here!

343. She might be contagious.

344. Don't you think I'm having a rough enough day?

345. Sheldon!

346. Is it me, or does she not look so good? Shh!

347. Oh, howie.

348. Howie, that was amazing!

349. Look, I'm shaking.

350. She's sick, I knew it. Bye!

351. I have to say,

352. This is the best top ramen you've ever made.

353. I discovered a secret ingredient:

354. The flavor packet.

355. That sucker is well named.

356. All right, lover boy.

357. Get ready, 'cause there is a crap storm of romance

358. Coming your way.

359. Stop it, you're gonna make me cry.

360. All right. You seem pretty confident.

361. Oh, I am.

362. Maybe if you follow this trail,

363. You'll see why.

364. Oh, rose petals.

365. Yes.

366. The most beautiful

367. And shockingly expensive of all the flowers.

368. You made the bed?

369. You really are pulling out all the stops.

370. Okay, I gave this a lot of thought,

371. And I finally found something to show you

372. How much I love you.

373. Oh, wow.

374. It's a first edition of

375. Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy.

376. I remember it was your favorite book growing up.

377. This is great.

378. It... Thank you.

379. It's... So much.

380. What?

381. Nothing. I love it. No.

382. Something's going on. What's wrong with it?

383. I remember you saying how great it would be

384. To have a first edition.

385. It's true, I-I did.

386. I did say that...

387. When we were at the used bookstore together

388. And I saw the first edition and I bought it.

389. Oh, my god, I am the worst!

390. No, no, it's okay. It's really thoughtful.

391. No, it's not! I mean...

392. What's thoughtful is everything you do.

393. Here, you know what? Look at this.

394. Look, here's the... The plane ticket you bought me

395. When I was too poor to go home for the holidays.

396. And the rose you left on my windshield...

397. Just because.

398. Here's the-the thank-you letter you wrote me

399. After the first time I slept with you.

400. All 11 pages of it.

401. Can't believe you saved all this stuff.

402. Of course I did.

403. It's you.

404. Come here.

405. Oh.

406. Is that a pregnancy test?

407. Oh, yeah, just the first one.

408. I didn't save them all.

409. I can't believe I read this table wrong.

410. I blame you.

411. Me? What did I do?

412. You distract me.

413. I've been distracted since the moment I met you.

414. Sorry.

415. Well, you should be.

416. Because all I can think about

417. Is how much I want to kiss you.

418. And not just on the cheek, but on the mouth.

419. Like mommies and daddies do.

420. Oh, sheldon.

421. Amy?

422. Amy.

423. Did you hear what I said?

424. Can't talk, in the zone.

425. Captioning sponsored by cbs, warner bros. Television

426. And toyota.

427. Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org