The Big Bang Theory 7x20

Directed by Mark Cendrowski

Laura Spencer as Emily Sweeney • John Ross Bowie as Barry Kripke • Phyllis Timbes as Voicemail (voice) • Stephen Hawking as Stephen Hawking

Sheldon faces a personal crisis after deciding he’s wasting his time with string theory. Meanwhile, a double date between Raj, Emily and the Wolowitzes ends in embarrassment for Howard.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. I got to tell you, the more I read about the primordial

2. Gravity wave discovery, the more excited I get.

3. I know. Being an astrophysicist right now

4. Is like being a rock star.

5. Only without the sex.

6. Yeah, literally, none of it.

7. What do you think about it, sheldon?

8. Meh.

9. Are you kidding me?

10. This may be the biggest scientific breakthrough

11. Of our lifetime. How can you,

12. As a theoretical physicist,

13. Not care about this?

14. Maybe it's because I'm not an elitist.

15. What I'd like to know is:

16. How does this gravity wave breakthrough

17. Help the man on the street?

18. You know? Wh-who's looking out

19. For joe six-pack and all his quantum physics concerns?

20. Oh, my god, you're jealous.

21. Why would I be jealous?

22. Oh, I don't know. Maybe because the origin of the universe

23. Just got proven,

24. The higgs field just got proven

25. And you've been working on string theory

26. For the last 20 years and you're no closer to proving it

27. Than when you started.

28. Yeah, well, I've had a lot on my plate.

29. We happen to live in a golden age of television.

30. Excuse me, fellas.

31. Sorry for eavesdropping, but there actually was

32. Some big string theory news today

33. Out of the hadron collider.

34. Really? Did they find evidence to support extra dimensions

35. Or supersymmetry?

36. No, but they did find evidence that you'll believe anything.

37. Why would you do that?

38. You're a string theorist as well.

39. Incorrect. I am a string pragmatist.

40. I say I'm gonna prove something that cannot be proved,

41. I apply for grant money,

42. And then I spend it on liquor and broads.

43. Later.

44. Do you think he's right?

45. Am I wasting my life on a theory that can never be proven?

46. Maybe. But how great is game of thrones?

47. Hey, you're up early.

48. I couldn't sleep.

49. I told you those walking dead pillowcases were a bad idea.

50. No, that's not it.

51. Is something bothering you?

52. Yes, but you wouldn't understand.

53. Oh, come on, try me.

54. All right.

55. I've devoted the prime of my life to string theory

56. And its quest for the compactification

57. Of extra dimensions.

58. I've got nothing to show for it, and I feel like a fool.

59. Okay. I get it.

60. I mean, not all the jibberjabber in the middle, but...

61. I know what it's like

62. To put your heart and soul into something

63. And get nothing out of it.

64. You mean your acting career?

65. No.

66. Your relationship with leonard?

67. No.

68. Your failed attempt to go back to college?

69. No!

70. I'm saying you

71. And string theory sound like a relationship,

72. And I know what it's like to be in one

73. And realize it's never gonna turn out the way you want.

74. I said leonard; you said no.

75. I'm talking about other guys.

76. Okay.

77. Well, what do you do?

78. you have to have the courage to end the relationship.

79. You know? Break it off, shake hands, walk away.

80. I don't know if I can do that.

81. I know it's hard, honey, but in the end,

82. That's how you grow.

83. Penny, have you seen my good inhaler?

84. Break it off, shake hands, walk away.

85. Hey, how's dating two women going?

86. Um, kind of hit a bump.

87. When I was honest and told emily she wasn't the only person

88. I was seeing, it went great.

89. So I tried the same thing with lucy.

90. And?

91. She had mixed feelings.

92. But when I said, "emily was cool with it.

93. Emily's the best. Why can't you be more like emily?"...

94. Those feelings became less mixed.

95. Women. Who knows what'll set 'em off?

96. At least now I can focus all my energies on just one girl.

97. I hope I get to meet her as soon as possible.

98. Why the rush? She isn't going anywhere.

99. she is. But I like that attitude.

100. Gentlemen, is anybody interested in my old string theory books?

101. You're really going to do this?

102. I am. Yeah, penny pointed out that what I'm going through

103. Is essentially a breakup.

104. And according to cosmopolitan magazine,

105. One of the most effective techniques for moving on

106. Is to get rid of all reminders of the relationship.

107. You're reading cosmo? Yes.

108. As it turns out, there's an article

109. On how to get over a breakup in literally every issue.

110. Anyway,

111. It suggests that I set these on fire,

112. But the smell of burning books

113. Reminds me of church picnics in east texas.

114. What's this? Oh,

115. That's just a doodle of a hyperelliptic riemann surface.

116. Oh, yeah. Wasn't that the basis of your postdoc fellowship?

117. It was.

118. This seemed so elegant at the time,

119. But...

120. Now I realize I was just a simple country boy

121. Seduced by a big city theory

122. With variables in all the right places.

123. It's going to be okay. I know.

124. As hard as this is, I have to move on.

125. I can't keep postulating multidimensional entities

126. And get nothing in return.

127. I have needs, too.

128. So, you and emily still together?

129. I spoke to bernadette. She's free tomorrow night.

130. Oh, okay, great.

131. But if we're really gonna do a double date,

132. Then we have to go over some ground rules about emily.

133. Like when it turns out she's made of rubber,

134. I don't say anything?

135. She's very real.

136. Oh, that's what it says on the box.

137. Right next to "dishwasher safe."

138. See?

139. This is exactly the kind of thing

140. I'm worried about you saying in front of her.

141. I promise I'll be on my best behavior.

142. You better be. No jokes about how close I am with my dog.

143. Or the truth about how close I am with my dog.

144. You got it.

145. No jokes about the year I took ballet.

146. You took ballet?

147. God, you never listen.

148. Are you sure you want to do this?

149. The magazine articles suggest that one of the ways

150. To get over a breakup is a new look.

151. Mmm. What about your old look,

152. Well-groomed ventriloquist doll?

153. "oh, my god, I do look like that." stop it!

154. So, how do you want me to cut it? Oh,

155. How about bill gates meets nikola tesla?

156. So, business in the front,

157. Science in the back.

158. Or I don't cut it

159. And maybe just style it a little.

160. Oh, I'm in your hands.

161. Do a good job and I'll tell you cosmo's ten dynamite tips

162. To enjoy your pms.

163. Can you keep him quiet?

164. Maybe jangle some keys in front of him?

165. That doesn't work anymore.

166. He just thinks I'm taking him to the doctor.

167. So, now that you're no longer invested

168. In string theory, what are you gonna pursue?

169. Oh, there are so many exciting areas:

170. Black holes, dark matter... Oh,

171. Leonard was telling me about dark matter,

172. But I didn't really understand it.

173. Don't feel bad. Neither does he.

174. Okay...

175. What do you think?

176. Have you ever even seen a picture of tesla?

177. It actually looks good, sheldon.

178. Doesn't it? Yeah.

179. I suppose I could see myself in a scientific boy band.

180. Of course, I'd be the dreamy one and the smart one.

181. Sorry I'm late.

182. What did you do?

183. I gave him a new look. It's cute, huh?

184. Yeah, it's cute. That's the problem.

185. I don't need other girls to see him walking around

186. Like sex on a stick.

187. She's right. I'm too hot.

188. I'm excited to meet emily.

189. Me, too. I just hope he doesn't blow it.

190. Why would you say that?

191. Because he's raj— that's his thing.

192. Beckham can bend it, ralph can wreck it, raj can blow it.

193. Look, I don't want it to happen,

194. But odds are he's gonna find a way to...

195. Oh, crap, I know that girl.

196. How?

197. In a bad way, very bad.

198. Hey, guys.

199. Whatever you hear tonight, just remember I love you.

200. Hey!

201. Emily, these are my good friends, howard and bernadette.

202. Guys, this is emily. Nice to meet you.

203. Hi. Hello.

204. Have we met before?

205. Uh... No.

206. I-I don't...

207. I don't... Think so.

208. You sure? You look familiar.

209. Well, you sure don't.

210. You I know, you I know, you?

211. total stranger.

212. Even if you had yummy candy, I would not get in your van.

213. Did you go to that spin class on green street?

214. That must be it.

215. Since when do you go to spin class?

216. Wow. Now who doesn't listen?

217. Sheldon, your food's getting cold.

218. What are you doing? Oh, looking through

219. My textbooks for a new field of inquiry.

220. Why do we have a geology book?

221. Leonard, did you throw

222. A children's party while I was in texas?

223. Wait. What's wrong with geology?

224. Let me put this in a way you'll understand, penny.

225. You remember how you explained to me

226. That the kardashians aren't real celebrities?

227. Well, geology

228. Is the kardashians of science.

229. Have you considered

230. Studying standard model physics?

231. You want me to give up string theory

232. For something that's less advanced?

233. You know, why don't you break up with penny

234. And start dating a brown bear?

235. Like you could get a brown bear.

236. Hey, I've got a good job.

237. I could buy salmon. You don't know.

238. Maybe you could make your new field of study

239. The calculation of nuclear matrix elements.

240. Oh, please.

241. If I wanted to take up a fad, I'd get a tramp stamp.

242. What about loop quantum gravity?

243. (in high-pitched, fancy british voice): Oh, duchess, look at me.

244. My quantum gravity's positively loopy.

245. Who's the duchess?

246. One of the people that lives in his head.

247. I hope he's this distraught if he ever breaks up with me.

248. Well, if he does, I'll see if my bear has a friend.

249. Sheldon, have you ever considered

250. Not rushing into something new?

251. I mean, why don't you take your time,

252. Enjoy your freedom?

253. Maybe something new to study will find you.

254. That's actually not bad advice.

255. You know, I didn't seek out string theory.

256. It just hit me over the head one day.

257. How does that happen?

258. A bully chased me through the school library

259. And hit me over the head with the biggest book he could find.

260. Okay, how about we toast your newfound freedom?

261. Ah, normally I refrain from alcohol,

262. But since my cerebral cortex is twiddling its proverbial thumbs,

263. Why not soak it in grape juice

264. That's been predigested by a fungus?

265. And you wonder why other children beat you with books.

266. Cheers!

267. Emily, what do you do?

268. I'm a dermatology resident at huntington hospital.

269. Mmm, and you know what that means.

270. Someone's skin's about to be softer than ever.

271. This is making me crazy.

272. I know I know you from somewhere.

273. Oh, uh, howard was an astronaut.

274. Maybe that's where you saw him. Wow!

275. That's amazing.

276. What was that like?

277. It was the most incredible experience of my life.

278. Up there in the space station, you're...

279. Oh, my god, I remember.

280. Can I finish my astronaut story?

281. It was four years ago.

282. Please don't say it. We were set up on a blind date.

283. Please don't say it. You came to my apartment.

284. You're saying it.

285. Well, wh-what happened?

286. Yeah, what happened? Okay, I'll say it.

287. I was on the way to pick her up.

288. My stomach felt a little funny.

289. When I got there, I asked if I could use her bathroom.

290. Please don't say it.

291. One roll of toilet paper and 20 minutes later,

292. I was so humiliated,

293. I snuck out the window and never saw her again.

294. You know what else I never saw again—

295. My security deposit.

296. I'm sorry.

297. I tried to unclog it, but you didn't have a plunger,

298. And water was spilling out everywhere.

299. Right, just water.

300. Look, I have felt terrible about this for years,

301. And I'm glad I have the opportunity

302. To tell you just how sorry I am.

303. It's fine.

304. All my friends love this story.

305. They call you clogzilla.

306. Get it?

307. Because you clogged up her bathroom

308. Like a radioactive monster!

309. Yeah, yeah, I get it.

310. Howie.

311. Well, hey, it's not like cotton candy

312. Comes out of you.

313. Come on, let's get you to bed.

314. You've had a lot to drink.

315. No more than penny.

316. That's what I'm saying.

317. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

318. Empty room.

319. Empty room.

320. Empty room.

321. If somebody says "come in," I'm gonna freak out.

322. So, emily, why did you

323. Decide to specialize in dermatology?

324. I like cutting people with knives,

325. And all the other jobs where you get to do that are illegal.

326. You're kidding, right?

327. She's scary, but it's a cute scary.

328. Can I say just one more thing?

329. I had some kind of food poisoning that day.

330. Sure, in retrospect, gas station sushi—

331. Maybe not the best choice.

332. Nor was climbing out

333. Your window and running away.

334. But I think we can all understand

335. How humiliating that was, and I'd really

336. Appreciate it if we could move on.

337. Howie, we moved on a long time ago.

338. I'm just saying... We moved on.

339. Okay. Fine.

340. How's your soup?

341. Ah, it's all right.

342. They could've filled the bowl a little more.

343. Excuse me.

344. Where are you going?

345. I need some fresh air.

346. Been there.

347. Oh, no.

348. What have I done?

349. How you feeling?

350. Not so good.

351. Are you gonna introduce me to your friend?

352. It's not my friend.

353. Nothing happened.

354. I don't know.

355. I heard you reading pretty loud last night.

356. Oh, dear lord.

357. Where's amy?

358. After she put you to bed, she went home.

359. Oh.

360. I should call her and apologize.

361. Oh.

362. Oh, no. What?

363. Apparently, I called stephen hawking last night.

364. Female voice: First new message.

365. Hawkman!

366. It's your old buddy sheldonoscopy!

367. How come you didn't pick up the phone?

368. Oh, right. My bad.

369. You're awful quiet. Everything okay?

370. Not really.

371. I had a bit of an embarrassing evening.

372. Ugh. Me, too. What happened?

373. I drank alcohol

374. And may have left an unfortunate voice mail for stephen hawking.

375. I wouldn't worry about it.

376. He's got a pretty good sense of humor.

377. Oh, I hope so.

378. What happened to you last night?

379. Oh, well, turns out

380. I'd already met the girl raj is seeing

381. When I did a number on her bathroom.

382. And that number was two.

383. Well, you know, I've always been a fan

384. Of a story told by attar of nishapur,

385. About a king

386. Who assembled a group of wise men

387. To create a ring that would make him happy when he was sad.

388. And that ring

389. Was inscribed with the phrase, "this too shall pass."

390. Hey, cooper! Oh, my god.

391. I heard you drunk-dialed stephen hawking last night?

392. Classic!

393. Get out of here, barry.

394. Whatever you say...

395. Clogzilla.

396. Clogzilla. That's pretty funny.

397. I don't think that's gonna pass.

398. Female voice: Next message.

399. It's me again!

400. I gave up string theory.

401. You should give up black holes,

402. And we can totally solve crimes together!

403. Female voice: Next message.

404. Do you know what's great?

405. Geology. Oh!

406. Look at this geode!

407. that's fun to say!

408. Gee... Ode! Gee... Ode!

409. Female voice: Next message.

410. Gee... Ode!

411. Gee... Ode!

412. I kiss girls now.

413. Female voice: Next message.

414. Hey, guess who I am!

415. Beep bop boop bop!

416. I'm you! Get it?

417. Female voice: Next message.

418. Are you mad at me?

419. Oh, no, you're mad at me.

420. I'm so sorry!

421. Beep bop boop bop.

422. Female voice: Next message.

423. Thiospinel sulfide. Thiospinel sulfide.

424. That's even more fun than "gee... Ode."

425. Hey, did you see the lego movie?

426. Stephen hawking: What a jackass.