1. Should you really be
sitting in sheldon's spot?Copy !req
2. He's in texas.
He'll never know.Copy !req
3. I wouldn't be
so sure about that.Copy !req
4. Yeah, he has
a very sensitive butt.Copy !req
5. Well, it's true.Copy !req
6. Once I saw him sit on a bunch
of loose change and add it up.Copy !req
7. Have you heard from howard?Copy !req
8. I did.
His talk at nasa went great.Copy !req
9. Sheldon didn't heckle him?Copy !req
10. No, in fact, he was
so well-behaved,Copy !req
11. Howie bought him
a buzz aldrin bobble headCopy !req
12. And astronaut ice cream.Copy !req
13. Hey, guys.Copy !req
14. Oh, hi.
Hi, stewart.
Hey, stewart!Copy !req
15. How's it going?
Good.Copy !req
16. Sheldon's out of town,
so we can do whatever we want.Copy !req
17. We even ordered from
the thai place he doesn't like.Copy !req
18. Oh, how is it?Copy !req
19. Disgusting. Do not tell him.Copy !req
20. What do you guys want
to do tonight?Copy !req
21. I don't know.Copy !req
22. Well, I told howie
if I wasn't busy,Copy !req
23. I'd spend the night
at his mom's.Copy !req
24. So for god's sake,
think of something.Copy !req
25. Stuart?Copy !req
26. Are you okay?Copy !req
27. No, I don't feel so...Copy !req
28. Oh, stuart?
Stuart?Copy !req
29. Oh, my god,
you guys need to do something!Copy !req
30. Stuart?
Calling 911.Copy !req
31. Well, it's too late.
What do you mean it's too late?Copy !req
32. He's been murdered
by someone in this room.Copy !req
33. Oh, my god.
Oh, come on!Copy !req
34. Welcome to another classicCopy !req
35. Koothrappali
murder mystery dinner.Copy !req
36. I'm leaving.Copy !req
37. You can't leave.Copy !req
38. You're a suspect in
the mysterious murderCopy !req
39. Of stuart bloom.Copy !req
40. I didn't know his
last name was bloom.Copy !req
41. Yeah, it's bloom.Copy !req
42. Are you really gonna
lie on the floorCopy !req
43. And pretend
to be dead all night?Copy !req
44. What do you think
I was gonna do at home?Copy !req
45. Are you gonna make us pretend
to be a bunch of lame charactersCopy !req
46. With silly accents?Copy !req
47. "lame characters
with silly ac..."Copy !req
48. What kind of actress are you?Copy !req
49. You're right, I'm sorry.Copy !req
50. It... Sounds like fun.
Thank you.Copy !req
51. That kind of actress.
This sucks!Copy !req
52. Come on, guys.Copy !req
53. Raj put a lot of
effort into this.Copy !req
54. And that's great.Copy !req
55. It's not sad, it's great.Copy !req
56. I think it might be fun
to be someone else tonight.Copy !req
57. Actually, you're all just
gonna be yourselves.Copy !req
58. Oh... Ugh.Copy !req
59. All right,
if I'm doing this,Copy !req
60. I'm playing to win,
so just to be clear:Copy !req
61. If we're ourselves, that means
one of us killed stuart?Copy !req
62. Very good, bernadette.Copy !req
63. You are a regular
byomkesh bakshi.Copy !req
64. What is that, like,
the indian sherlock holmes?Copy !req
65. Or is sherlock holmes
the english byomkesh bakshi?Copy !req
66. According to wikipedia,
sherlock holmes came first.Copy !req
67. Great, everyone's
a byomkesh bakshi.Copy !req
68. Now... Here areCopy !req
69. Some secret factsCopy !req
70. About each of you,Copy !req
71. Including whether
you are the murderer.Copy !req
72. Throughout the game, feel freeCopy !req
73. To ask each other questions
to uncover clues.Copy !req
74. Got it. Hey...Copy !req
75. Who's the murderer?Copy !req
76. Any question but that.Copy !req
77. Sorry. Hey...Copy !req
78. Who's not the murderer?Copy !req
79. Bernadette, can you not stand
so close to me?Copy !req
80. What do you care? You're dead.Copy !req
81. Suit yourself.Copy !req
82. But I can kind of...
See up your skirt.Copy !req
83. Thank you
for my bobble head.Copy !req
84. Thank you for not making fun
of me during my speech.Copy !req
85. It wasn't easy. Was it buzz?Copy !req
86. We can't show up to
your mom's empty-handed.Copy !req
87. We should bring something.Copy !req
88. I already am.Copy !req
89. I'm bringing
the gift of knowledge.Copy !req
90. Oh, boy.Copy !req
91. Despite what her bible says,Copy !req
92. Recent archeological
studies indicateCopy !req
93. That although camels are
referenced in the old testament,Copy !req
94. They didn't exist
in the middle eastCopy !req
95. Until hundreds of years later.Copy !req
96. I was gonna say we pick up
a cake or a pie.Copy !req
97. But an insult to her faith
is always thoughtful.Copy !req
98. So, what happens next?Copy !req
99. I can't tell you that.Copy !req
100. But perhaps the killer droppedCopy !req
101. A fun and imaginative clueCopy !req
102. Somewhere in the apartment.Copy !req
103. Ooh, I'm gonna check the fridge,Copy !req
104. And see if there are
any clues inside a beer.Copy !req
105. Hey, I-I found something.Copy !req
106. It looks like a little man
with a briefcase.Copy !req
107. Oh, no, no.
That's clarence darrow.Copy !req
108. It's from a game sheldon made up
called chutes and lawyers.Copy !req
109. You slide down a chute
and then work your way back upCopy !req
110. Through the appellate system.Copy !req
111. Well, unlike that,
my games are much more fun.Copy !req
112. Okay, can I ask you something?Copy !req
113. Why do you like making us
do this stuff?Copy !req
114. Well, I guess
it goes back toCopy !req
115. When I was a fat kid in india,
and didn't have any friends.Copy !req
116. I didn't know you were fat.Copy !req
117. Yeah, I was...Copy !req
118. I was 200 pounds by the time
I was in middle school.Copy !req
119. Kids were mean.Copy !req
120. Cows may be sacred there,Copy !req
121. But it doesn't help
if you look like one.Copy !req
122. Anyway, I was pretty lonely,Copy !req
123. So I had to make up
my own stories and games,Copy !req
124. And I promised myselfCopy !req
125. If I ever made
any friends that...Copy !req
126. That I would play
those games with them.Copy !req
127. That is so sweet.Copy !req
128. I've seen old pictures of you.Copy !req
129. You were never a fat kid.Copy !req
130. No, I was svelte as a gazelle.Copy !req
131. A gazelle blessed with a flair
for storytelling.Copy !req
132. Hey, what about this?
It looks like a receipt.Copy !req
133. What's it for?Copy !req
134. For a cup of coffee.Copy !req
135. But it's dated
20 years from now.Copy !req
136. From the future?Copy !req
137. How fun and imaginative.Copy !req
138. So one of us came back
from the futureCopy !req
139. To murder stuart?
Correct.Copy !req
140. Does the gazelle with a flair
for storytellingCopy !req
141. Know he's just ripping off
terminator?Copy !req
142. Does the smart-ass know
that terminator was actuallyCopy !req
143. Ripped off from an outer limits
script calledCopy !req
144. Demon with a glass hand,
by harlan ellison?Copy !req
145. Oh, does the gazelle know that
according to harlan ellison,Copy !req
146. It was not ripped off
from demon with a glass hand,Copy !req
147. But was ripped off from another
outer limits scriptCopy !req
148. He wrote called the soldier?Copy !req
149. I'm gonna need
another clue.Copy !req
150. Okay...Copy !req
151. Give me
the flowers and pie.Copy !req
152. But if we show up
and you're holding them,Copy !req
153. She'll think
they're only from you.Copy !req
154. They are only from me.Copy !req
155. You said the gift
of you was enough.Copy !req
156. Yes... But nowCopy !req
157. That I've seen
what the gift of meCopy !req
158. With flowers and pie looks like,Copy !req
159. There's no going back.Copy !req
160. Boy, I can't wait to see
the look on her face...Copy !req
161. We're leaving right now.Copy !req
162. What's wrong?
Nothing.Copy !req
163. What? Sheldon, tell me
what's going on!Copy !req
164. I saw my mommy with a naked manCopy !req
165. And she was trying
to be a mommy again.Copy !req
166. You ready to talk about it?Copy !req
167. I'm not nearly drunk enough.Copy !req
168. Okay.Copy !req
169. Do you have any idea
what it's like to seeCopy !req
170. Your mother ravaging someone?Copy !req
171. Does a brisket count?Copy !req
172. I'm sorry, buddy, that's rough.Copy !req
173. But didn't she know
we were coming?Copy !req
174. No.Copy !req
175. I wanted to surprise her.Copy !req
176. What am I supposed to say to
her after something like this?Copy !req
177. Well, did she see you
in the window?Copy !req
178. No.Copy !req
179. Then don't say anything.Copy !req
180. I have to.Copy !req
181. How can we ever hope to have
a healthy relationshipCopy !req
182. If I don't tell her
how disappointed I am,Copy !req
183. And that I'll never forgive her?Copy !req
184. Well, don't do it on the phone.Copy !req
185. No, I'm just going
to tell her I'm comingCopy !req
186. So she can give that good
time charlie the heave-ho.Copy !req
187. That's some tough talk.Copy !req
188. I may need to cut you off.Copy !req
189. Yeah, maybe you better.Copy !req
190. I took a pretty big sip.Copy !req
191. Look, she's a grown woman.Copy !req
192. And-and your dad's been
gone a long time.Copy !req
193. Maybe this is
none of your business.Copy !req
194. I beg to differ.Copy !req
195. I used to live in
those genitals.Copy !req
196. And if someone wants
to move into my old room,Copy !req
197. I should at least get a vote.Copy !req
198. Okay, murder suspects,Copy !req
199. Leonard has found the time
machine the killer must've used.Copy !req
200. You're all inside it,Copy !req
201. And we hurtle
through the very fabric of time.Copy !req
202. And welcome
to 20 years in the future.Copy !req
203. Hey, you guys
just time-traveled.Copy !req
204. Stop looking so bored.Copy !req
205. Well, my beer isn't flat
and my rack's not saggy.Copy !req
206. So far, the future's great.Copy !req
207. Hey, can I go to the bathroom?Copy !req
208. Fine, just try not
to look too alive.Copy !req
209. That's my jam.Copy !req
210. So one of us went back
in time to kill stuart?Copy !req
211. But why?Copy !req
212. Perhaps this will help.Copy !req
213. Here are some factsCopy !req
214. About yourselves in the futureCopy !req
215. That might contain a clue.Copy !req
216. Hey, I-I wonCopy !req
217. The nobel prize in physiology.Copy !req
218. Then I used the money to buy
stuart's comic book store,Copy !req
219. And close it down so sheldon
would pay attention to me.Copy !req
220. Not the worst idea.Copy !req
221. Hey, I'm a famous actress
living in london.Copy !req
222. Hmm! I'm a professor
at stanford.
Hmm!Copy !req
223. So I guess you two are
making it work long distance.Copy !req
224. Oh, no.Copy !req
225. In this game,
as your careers both took off,Copy !req
226. You drifted apart.Copy !req
227. Kind of like how future meCopy !req
228. Lost touch with you guys
after I became boy toyCopy !req
229. For the wrinkled,
but still flexible, madonna.Copy !req
230. What does
your card say, bernadette?Copy !req
231. Eh, eh, eh, hang on.Copy !req
232. Do-do you think
we'd really drift apartCopy !req
233. If we both became successful?Copy !req
234. Of course not.Copy !req
235. If I became a famous actress
and had to move,Copy !req
236. You would just come with me.Copy !req
237. But if I get a chance
to be a tenured professor,Copy !req
238. I might not have that much
choice in where I end up.Copy !req
239. Yeah, but if I become
a successful actress,Copy !req
240. We wouldn't need the money.Copy !req
241. Well, you don't go
into science for the money.Copy !req
242. Speak for yourself.Copy !req
243. Last month,
my company both inventedCopy !req
244. And cured
restless eye syndrome.Copy !req
245. Ka-ching,
ya blinky chumps.Copy !req
246. So, wait, if my career
took me somewhere else,Copy !req
247. You might not go?Copy !req
248. Well...Copy !req
249. He started it.Copy !req
250. Okay, okay, guys—
new back stories.Copy !req
251. Uh, penny and leonard,
you two lovebirds areCopy !req
252. Super successful
and living in new york.Copy !req
253. Uh, you're an actress,
you're a professorCopy !req
254. And you have
three beautiful kids.Copy !req
255. Great.Copy !req
256. Really? You think I'm puttingCopy !req
257. This body through three kids?Copy !req
258. Okay, let's do this.Copy !req
259. Good luck.Copy !req
260. You...Copy !req
261. Aren't you gonna come with me?Copy !req
262. While you confront your mother
about her sex life?Copy !req
263. I'd rather go back to that bar
in ass-less chaps.Copy !req
264. Mother?Copy !req
265. Mother.Copy !req
266. Mother?Copy !req
267. Shelly!
I'm so glad you're here!Copy !req
268. I saw you having naked sex.Copy !req
269. What are you talking about?Copy !req
270. Earlier, I came here
to surprise you.Copy !req
271. I looked in the window
and I saw you with a man.Copy !req
272. Oh, shelly, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
273. Come in.Copy !req
274. Um...Copy !req
275. Maybe we should sit downCopy !req
276. And talk about this.Copy !req
277. Can you recommend a surfaceCopy !req
278. You haven't had coitus on?Copy !req
279. That's not funny.Copy !req
280. Maybe we should sit
at the table.Copy !req
281. Well, I'm sure that, uh,Copy !req
282. You...Copy !req
283. Have a lot of questions.Copy !req
284. Who was he?Copy !req
285. His name is ron.Copy !req
286. I met him at my prayer group.Copy !req
287. How long have you been
involved with him?Copy !req
288. A few months.Copy !req
289. And of those few months,Copy !req
290. How long have you been
a demented sex pervert?Copy !req
291. That is no way
to speak to your mother.Copy !req
292. Perhaps not.Copy !req
293. But it is a way to speak
to a woman who quoted the bibleCopy !req
294. To me my whole life,
and then desecratesCopy !req
295. One of ethan allen's
finest sofas.Copy !req
296. I will give you one opportunity,Copy !req
297. Young man, to apologize.Copy !req
298. Or what?Copy !req
299. Or I will send you to your room.Copy !req
300. That's ridiculous.Copy !req
301. I am a grown man.Copy !req
302. I am a professional scientist.Copy !req
303. And I currently occupy
the moral high ground.Copy !req
304. Go to your room.Copy !req
305. But I occupy
the moral high ground.Copy !req
306. Go to your room.Copy !req
307. But I'm
a professional scientist.Copy !req
308. Go... To your room!Copy !req
309. I'm a grown man.Copy !req
310. Can we please get back
to the game?Copy !req
311. I-I-in a minute.Copy !req
312. I-I-I don't understand
why any successCopy !req
313. You have in acting
is more importantCopy !req
314. Than any I have in science.Copy !req
315. Okay, if you do
something cool in science,Copy !req
316. You might change the world.Copy !req
317. If I becomeCopy !req
318. A famous actress...Copy !req
319. I'm not gonna tell you
why movie stars are the best.Copy !req
320. They just are.Copy !req
321. I'm surprised you guys never
talked about this stuff.Copy !req
322. Like you and sheldon have
everything figured out?Copy !req
323. Actually,Copy !req
324. Our relationship agreementCopy !req
325. Covers a wide array
of scenarios,Copy !req
326. Including career changes,
financial instability,Copy !req
327. Intelligent dog uprising...Copy !req
328. Fyi, we plan on selling outCopy !req
329. The human race hard.Copy !req
330. In 20 years, who knows
what'll happen with any of us?Copy !req
331. I think you and leonard
will be together.Copy !req
332. You do?
Yeah.Copy !req
333. I think you're
the best couple I know.Copy !req
334. Aw.
That's so sweet.Copy !req
335. What the hell?
Excuse me?Copy !req
336. Ah-da-da-da-da!Copy !req
337. Let the dead man talk.Copy !req
338. So, why do you think that?Copy !req
339. Uh, well, I feel likeCopy !req
340. You guys make each
other better.Copy !req
341. Penny brought leonard
out of his shell.Copy !req
342. And it seems like leonardCopy !req
343. Makes penny think more
deeply about the world.Copy !req
344. I don't know.Copy !req
345. Together, you two kind of
make one awesome person.Copy !req
346. Aw, stuart.Copy !req
347. Now I feel bad
for murdering you.Copy !req
348. Oh, come on!Copy !req
349. Penny did it! I win!Copy !req
350. Suck it, jackasses!Copy !req
351. Hey, can I come in?Copy !req
352. Apparently any man
is welcome in this house.Copy !req
353. Why not you?Copy !req
354. I thought you were waiting
in the car.Copy !req
355. That was an hour ago, sheldon.Copy !req
356. A jew sits in front of a house
in texas that long,Copy !req
357. "for sale" signs
start to go up.Copy !req
358. I take it things didn't
go smoothly with your mom.Copy !req
359. No.Copy !req
360. I'm not sure how we're going
to get past this.Copy !req
361. You know, I...Copy !req
362. I sort of went
through somethingCopy !req
363. Like this myself.Copy !req
364. Howard, we've all seen
your mother naked.Copy !req
365. That woman needs to learn
how to tie a robe.Copy !req
366. I'm talking about when
my mom started seeing someoneCopy !req
367. A couple years
after my dad left.Copy !req
368. I didn't know she did.Copy !req
369. Yeah, she was dating this guy,Copy !req
370. And I was kind of a jerk
to her about it.Copy !req
371. What did you do?Copy !req
372. Well, let's just say
it was the most viciousCopy !req
373. Bar mitzvah speech in
the history of temple beth el.Copy !req
374. Anyway, she broke up with him.Copy !req
375. And she's basicallyCopy !req
376. Been alone ever since.Copy !req
377. She never said it,
but I always feltCopy !req
378. I was the reason why.Copy !req
379. I'm sorry.Copy !req
380. Although,
based on your story,Copy !req
381. You absolutely
were the reason why.Copy !req
382. All I'm saying is
you might not wantCopy !req
383. To get in the way
of your mom's happiness.Copy !req
384. You may have a point.Copy !req
385. I love my mother.Copy !req
386. Even if she fornicates
like a demonic weasel.Copy !req
387. And the healing begins.Copy !req
388. Hello.Copy !req
389. Hello.Copy !req
390. Are you ready to discussCopy !req
391. This calmly, like adults?Copy !req
392. I am.Copy !req
393. Shelly, I'm sorry that
you saw what you saw.Copy !req
394. I know that this
is hard for you.Copy !req
395. I think what most upsets me
about it, mother,Copy !req
396. Is the hypocrisy.Copy !req
397. Doesn't this contradictCopy !req
398. All the religious rules you've
been espousing your whole life?Copy !req
399. You're right, it does,
and it's somethingCopy !req
400. That I'm struggling
with these days.Copy !req
401. Then why are you doing it?Copy !req
402. Because I'm not
perfect, shelly.Copy !req
403. And that man's booty is.Copy !req
404. Well, this is confusing for me.Copy !req
405. But I don't want to stand
in the way of your happiness.Copy !req
406. So...Copy !req
407. I'll condemn you internally
while maintainingCopy !req
408. An outward appearance
of acceptance.Copy !req
409. That is very christian of you.Copy !req
410. Mother, if you're going
to conduct your lifeCopy !req
411. In this fashion,
then I should let you knowCopy !req
412. That the world has changed
since you were a young woman.Copy !req
413. You know,
it's not all sock hops,Copy !req
414. Soda jerks
and segregation anymore.Copy !req
415. How old do you think I am?Copy !req
416. My point is that you're going
to need to be careful.Copy !req
417. You used to be protectedCopy !req
418. By your pre-enlightenment
mythology,Copy !req
419. But now you're going
to need a stronger friendCopy !req
420. Named latex.Copy !req
421. Are you having the
sex talk with me?Copy !req
422. Well, someone has to.Copy !req
423. Oh, dear lord!
Yeah, well...Copy !req
424. No, don't look to him.
He's mad at you right now.Copy !req
425. Oh, come on, don't pout.Copy !req
426. I'm sorry I ruined your game.Copy !req
427. I'm not pouting, I'm brooding.Copy !req
428. Which is how sexy men pout.Copy !req
429. It actually was kind of fun.Copy !req
430. You're just saying that.Copy !req
431. Yeah.Copy !req
432. I liked the time travel element.Copy !req
433. Thank you.
I thought it was inspired.Copy !req
434. It was. By terminator.Copy !req
435. Well, I hope 20 years from now,Copy !req
436. We really are all still togetherCopy !req
437. And still friends.Copy !req
438. Definitely.
Of course.Copy !req
439. Well, hey, how about this?Copy !req
440. Whether we're friends,
not friends,Copy !req
441. Scattered around the world,
no matter what,Copy !req
442. Let's all promise to meet
in front of this buildingCopy !req
443. Exactly 20 years
from tonight at 8:00 p.M.Copy !req
444. And have dinner
like we always do.Copy !req
445. Aw! I love it.Copy !req
446. Okay?Copy !req
447. Putting it
in my phone right now.Copy !req
448. Yeah, me, too.Copy !req
449. My phone doesn't
have a calendar.Copy !req
450. It's all right, I'll just
write it on my hand.Copy !req
451. And it's done.Copy !req
452. Yup, we're all in.Copy !req
453. All right, I'll see you guys
in 20 years.Copy !req
454. I knew it.Copy !req