The Big Bang Theory 7x16

Directed by Gay Linvill

Carol Ann Susi as Debbie Wolowitz (voice) • Christopher Neiman as Dr. Dreyfus • Casey Sander as Mike Rostenkowski • Michael J. Massimino as Michael J. Massimino

Leonard buys a dining room table and it causes Sheldon to reevaluate the changes in his life. Meanwhile, Wolowitz is offered a chance to go back to space and Bernadette struggles with whether or not to encourage him.

Request examples:

!req The Big Bang Theory 7x16 [02:32]
!req The Big Bang Theory 7x16 [The Big Bang Theory 7x16]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req The Big Bang Theory 7x16 [10-11]; !req The Big Bang Theory 7x16 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. I'm thinking about growing a goatee.

2. Oh, actually that's a van dyke.

3. A goatee is just hair on the chin.

4. Oh. Wait, then what is it if you just have hair up here?

5. You mean a moustache?

6. Moo-stache! He said it!

7. Ha-ha, very funny. Make fun of the foreign guy.

8. For your information, there are four times as many

9. Indians as there are americans, so the way we say it is right.

10. Say what? Moo-stache.

11. Moo-stache! He said "moo-stache!"

12. Guys, you're being childish.

13. Yeah, she's right. You're grown men,

14. The kind who are perfectly capable

15. Of growing your own moo-staches.

16. Hey, you were funny on purpose— good job.

17. Hi. Sorry I'm late— I was at an audition.

18. Oh, I'm sorry. You'll get 'em next time.

19. How about instead of assuming I failed, you ask me how it went?

20. Sorry. How did it go?

21. Just shut up.

22. Here, you can have your seat.

23. No, no, no, stay there. I'm fine on the floor.

24. Have you guys ever thought about getting a dining room table?

25. Yeah. You actually do have room for one up there.

26. Oh, sure, I sit on the floor for years, no one cares.

27. The pretty white girl's there ten seconds,

28. And suddenly we're all running to ikea.

29. No one is running anywhere.

30. We're not getting a dining room table.

31. I know you don't like change,

32. But it's not a terrible idea.

33. Yeah, you guys never use that space up there.

34. Why not get a table?

35. Do you want the long answer or the short answer?

36. Hey, how come we never get that option?

37. Chaos theory suggests that even in a deterministic system,

38. If the equations describing its behavior are nonlinear,

39. A tiny change in the initial conditions

40. Can lead to a cataclysmic and unpredictable result.

41. Translation?

42. Waah. I don't want a table!

43. Hey, penny and I are gonna go shop for a dining room table.

44. You want to come with us?

45. You know, I'd love to,

46. But, um, I'm too busy

47. Falling back in love with windows 98.

48. Seriously? You haven't used this desk in years.

49. The second I want to get rid of it, you're up here working?

50. I can't talk right now—

51. I have several thousand updates to install.

52. Are you really gonna sit here all day?

53. Think of me as arthur dent

54. In hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy,

55. Lying in front of the bulldozers to protect his home.

56. If you'll recall, the vogon fleet

57. Blew up the earth anyway. It's a made-up story,

58. Leonard— I don't even know why you're talking about it.

59. I'm putting all this stuff in storage.

60. We don't need any of it.

61. You... How can you say that?

62. You show me one thing in here we can live without.

63. Oh, hang on.

64. Check your in-box.

65. Wait. Is this really worth it?

66. We've lived together

67. For years with nary an argument.

68. Huh?

69. But we start talking about a table,

70. And suddenly we're at each other's throats.

71. "nary an argument"?

72. "nary"?

73. Well, that means "not one," or "not any."

74. Maybe instead of a table, you should buy a dictionary.

75. Well, I don't know if I won that,

76. But at least he's upset.

77. Check it out.

78. Magic wand tv remote!

79. Yeah, I can control all sorts of stuff.

80. Did bernadette think it was cool?

81. Not when I said "mute" and pointed it at her face.

82. Oh, uh, let me try.

83. Uh...

84. Channelis changeroni!

85. This might be my second favorite brown magic wand.

86. Well, that's the last time I play with that.

87. I have to take this.

88. Hello?

89. Uh...

90. off.

91. and on.

92. And the oprah network.

93. This is so much better than watching tv like a muggle.

94. Okay. Thank you.

95. We'll be in touch.

96. You're not gonna believe this.

97. What's going on?

98. oh. Wait.

99. on!

100. and off!

101. What's going on?

102. That was nasa.

103. They want me to go back up to the space station.

104. Wow. What did you tell them?

105. I told them I'd be honored.

106. A second trip to space— I'll miss you.

107. And I'm gonna miss you, too.

108. I just want you to know, I'm happy

109. To look in on bernadette while you're gone.

110. Thank you. And if anything were to happen

111. To you, we will name our firstborn son howard.

112. I'm just kidding.

113. We'll name him dalib, after my grandfather.

114. Ooh, this one looks nice.

115. No. Sheldon doesn't like

116. Reclaimed wood.

117. Why not?

118. He's afraid the original owners will come back.

119. Yeah. Well, sheldon's not here.

120. Well, he is here.

121. So unless you want to dig him out

122. With a bone saw and a melon baller,

123. There's nothing I can do about it.

124. All right, sweetie, you're paying for this table,

125. And it's your apartment, too. I know, but...

126. No buts. You got to stop letting him boss you around.

127. You're right. I mean, h-he decides what tv shows we watch,

128. What food we eat, who my favorite hobbit is—

129. I wanted frodo, but we can't both have frodo,

130. So guess who's stuck with samwise gamgee.

131. See? Right there. You're a grown man,

132. You should be able to pick whichever hobbit you want.

133. Wish you wouldn't, but one problem at a time.

134. Y-you make a lot of sense.

135. I like this table, and I'm getting it.

136. Really? This one?

137. That one?

138. Damn right I like that one.

139. Hey. Good news.

140. Someone in this room gets to take a ride on a rocket.

141. Fine. Can I at least shower first?

142. No, not that.

143. Although you already agreed to it, so no take-backs.

144. What are you talking about?

145. Sit down.

146. Nasa called.

147. The telescope mount I installed on the space station

148. Got damaged,

149. And they want me to go back up and fix it.

150. Wow.

151. Well, what did you say?

152. What do you think I...? I said yes!

153. Why do you look surprised?

154. Well, it's just, after last time,

155. I didn't think you'd ever want to go back.

156. Are you kidding?

157. It was the greatest experience of my life.

158. Really? 'cause I kind of remember a lot of complaining

159. And wishing for it to be over.

160. I think you have me confused

161. With what's gonna happen when you get out of that shower.

162. Hey, all set. What do you think?

163. There's plenty of room for everybody,

164. A view out the window.

165. My spot on the couch has a great view of a window.

166. Sometimes I can see

167. Space battles through it.

168. It's called a tv.

169. Give it a chance, sheldon; you might actually like it.

170. You're absolutely right.

171. Nope.

172. Well, you can't say he didn't give it a fair shot. So,

173. When can we get rid of it?

174. We're not.

175. What about the roommate agreement?

176. It specifically states

177. That any changes in furnishing

178. Have to be approved by the furnishing committee.

179. Which only sits on alternate years.

180. Yeah, and by the way,

181. It sits over there.

182. Come on, that is ridiculous.

183. She's right— a committee that important

184. Should meet more often.

185. That's not what I'm saying.

186. Oh. This is the thing about me standing up to him

187. And not letting him run my life?

188. Yes.

189. That.

190. Okay. I think we've found the problem here.

191. It's not the table at all.

192. It's you.

193. Me?

194. Well, it's always me— take one for the team.

195. I have spent years

196. Turning this lump of clay into an acceptable conduit

197. For my will,

198. And then you came along and reshaped him,

199. With your newfangled ideas and your fancy genitals.

200. Are you gonna let him talk to me like this?

201. "fancy" sounds like a compliment.

202. Okay, I have not tried to change leonard.

203. That's just what happens in relationships.

204. Look how much amy's changed you.

205. That's not true. Oh, please.

206. When I first met you, you were incapable

207. Of touching another human being.

208. Now you're holding hands, you're going

209. On dates, you even made out with her on a train.

210. She told you?

211. Of course she told me— it's the most interesting thing

212. That's ever happened to her in her entire life!

213. You're too close to it,

214. But amy has had a huge impact on you.

215. You're right.

216. Without realizing it, I've allowed that woman

217. To alter my personality.

218. Mm, sheldon, you didn't have a personality;

219. You just had some shows you liked.

220. No.

221. No, I've changed.

222. Like the frog who's put in a pot of water

223. That's heated so gradually

224. He doesn't realize he's boiling to death.

225. Or you're the frog who's been kissed by a princess

226. And turned into a prince.

227. Or you're just a tall, annoying frog.

228. Excuse me.

229. I have to break up with my girlfriend.

230. Oh, sheldon, wait. No.

231. You've opened my eyes to the truth.

232. Amy has made me a more affectionate,

233. Open-minded person.

234. And that stops now.

235. Well, we should call her. Yeah, mm-hmm.

236. Amy, it's penny. Hey.

237. Just a little heads-up.

238. Leonard bought a dining room table.

239. Yeah. Sheldon's breaking up with you.

240. Amy? Amy?

241. Amy?

242. I'll get right to the point.

243. I think we need

244. To end this relationship— so...

245. Just sign this

246. With your finger, and, uh,

247. Please don't cry on my ipad—

248. I didn't get applecare.

249. I'm not surprised you want to end the relationship.

250. I'm a little surprised you didn't get applecare.

251. Anyway, enjoy your life. Where do I sign?

252. At the bottom. I must say,

253. I'm relieved you're not making more of a scene out of this.

254. Oh, I've already moved on.

255. Besides, this breakup has nothing to do with me.

256. Wh... It doesn't?

257. Of course not. This is just leonard

258. Trying to take the focus off that dreadful table

259. By sowing discord in our relationship.

260. He's manipulating you like he always does.

261. Wait-wait, now, hang on.

262. You think he manipulates me?

263. All the time.

264. And he knew that,

265. As your girlfriend, I wasn't gonna stand by

266. And let him bring a table into your apartment.

267. I mean, a table? Come on!

268. It is hideous.

269. Well, thankfully, I won't have to see it,

270. 'cause I won't be your girlfriend anymore.

271. Amy farrah fowler.

272. why, yes, I would like to take a survey.

273. Wait.

274. You were really gonna stand by me

275. Against the dining room table?

276. Of course I was.

277. Yeah, wait.

278. How do I know that you're not manipulating me right now?

279. I think if I were manipulating you,

280. You'd be smart enough to see it.

281. How do I know you're not saying that

282. As part of the manipulation?

283. I think you'd be smart enough to see that, too.

284. Okay.

285. I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time— I just had to be sure.

286. It's pretty exciting

287. That nasa wants to send howard back up.

288. Yeah, exciting.

289. Can I ask you something?

290. Course.

291. He hated that entire experience.

292. Does it make me an awful wife

293. If I don't think he should do it again?

294. Not at all.

295. He's forgotten how miserable he was

296. The entire time he was up there.

297. It's like me

298. In those moments when I miss india.

299. So you'll talk to him?

300. Why me? Well, I'm his wife; I don't want to ruin it for him.

301. That's the dynamic— I'm the fun one, you're the buzzkill.

302. Since when am I the buzzkill?

303. Do you think this is cool?

304. No, I think it's stupid. Aha!

305. You're right, it's great.

306. Hello. Oh, hey.

307. You guys didn't break up.

308. No. Sorry to disappoint you,

309. But amy pointed out that

310. You were only trying to manipulate me.

311. Which you also figured out by yourself.

312. Which I also figured out by myself.

313. Well, I'm glad you're still together.

314. Yeah, okay, you can stop trying

315. To make this about our relationship.

316. Which is stronger than ever. Which is stronger than ever.

317. This is about you

318. Trying to change my environment,

319. Which was perfect the way it was.

320. But it got the way it was through change.

321. The-the spot that you love to sit in,

322. That no one else can sit in, only exists because—

323. Despite your objections— I bought this couch.

324. Me.

325. So explain why that change was bad

326. And this change was good.

327. Um...

328. You don't need to explain yourself to him.

329. I don't need to explain myself to you!

330. You're sick of his nonsense and ready to move in with me.

331. Keep the table! We don't use that space!

332. Damn it, I got cocky.

333. Hey, bernie. I'm home... Hello.

334. Hi, honey.

335. What's going on?

336. Maybe you should have a seat.

337. Um... Okay.

338. I know my mom's not dead; there'd be balloons.

339. First off,

340. Know that we all love you and cherish you.

341. Well, I wouldn't... Daddy.

342. You're great.

343. Can I say something? Oh, of course.

344. Hey, fruit loops.

345. Massimino? Why are you here?

346. Well, I heard you were thinking

347. About going back up to the space station,

348. And as someone who's been there with you...

349. Well, you know how astronauts need to have the "right stuff"?

350. Sure.

351. The stuff you have is wrong.

352. You don't think I did a good job up there?

353. You did a fine job.

354. It's just, you were scared and miserable the whole time.

355. I think what

356. We're all trying to say is, you don't seem

357. To be remembering how traumatic the experience was for you.

358. L-like how women often forget the pain of childbirth.

359. Like a woman. Great analogy.

360. Fine, maybe I was a little scared.

361. You peed in your space suit.

362. You're supposed to do that.

363. Not during the fitting.

364. Son, do I need to remind you what you asked me to do

365. Before you went up last time?

366. Hang on. That was just me joking around.

367. You wanted me to shoot you in the foot.

368. Come on, how is that not a joke? "you got to get me out of this.

369. Shoot me in the foot."

370. Don't forget all the other astronauts picking on you.

371. And how you threw up in zero gravity,

372. And it floated back in your mouth.

373. And you threw up again.

374. And so on and so on.

375. That was funny.

376. Okay, so I wasn't

377. Exactly john glenn up there,

378. But I've changed; I'm a different man now.

379. Yeah, and I'm a little

380. Insulted that you guys don't think I can handle it.

381. You know you're gonna have to go through survival training again.

382. Really?

383. You've got to get me out of this!

384. What do you want me to do? You're perfectly healthy.

385. Check my blood pressure again!

386. I can get it higher; just give me a second.

387. Hello? Hi, ma. How are you?

388. How I am is not dead!

389. But you wouldn't know that, because you don't love me enough

390. To pick up the phone!

391. Go, go, go!

392. For all you know, I could have slipped in the tub and drowned!

393. That's what happened to your aunt ida!

394. Wow.

395. Howard, I'm so sorry your blood pressure was off the charts.

396. Oh, me, too. I mean, the doctor was willing

397. To fudge the results, but...

398. It just seemed so darned dishonest.

399. But the mission wouldn't be for at least a year.

400. Isn't that enough time to get your blood pressure under...

401. Look, my blood pressure's too high, okay? Drop it.

402. You know, my aunt

403. Changed her diet, and in a few months, she...

404. Went to space?

405. I don't think so. Now, pass the soy sauce.

406. Hey, not the green one; the red one.

407. Sheldon, amy, will you please come join us?

408. Yeah, it's fun up here.

409. So why are you trying to ruin it?

410. No, thanks.

411. We're fine. I mean, if you people

412. Want to eat at the table, then that's what you should do.

413. I like eating down here

414. Because this is how we've always done things.

415. But if those days are gone, they're gone.

416. It just... Makes me sad.

417. Now I feel bad.

418. Oh, don't anthropomorphize him; he's got big eyes,

419. But his feelings are not like ours.

420. No, it just seems silly for us to sit in two groups.

421. Well, it's not silly if you think of that group

422. As being led by a big, evil baby.

423. Look at amy down there.

424. Should we go?

425. Yeah, let's go.

426. But... Penny, this was your idea.

427. You said that I should stand up to him.

428. Forget it, leonard.

429. It's over.

430. Fine.

431. Rajesh?

432. Screw that! I sat on the floor for seven years.

433. I'm staying right here!

434. Come on, raj, it's not the same without you.

435. Fine.

436. But no more making fun of how I say tings.

437. You mean "tings" like "moo-stache"?

438. Well, isn't this nice.

439. Sometimes the baby wins.

440. Captioning sponsored by cbs

441. Warner bros. Television

442. And toyota.

443. Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org