1. Item 28:
Your pet name for me.
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2. Time's running out on this.
You need to make a decision.
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3. I submitted you
a notarized list.
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4. I'm sorry, but "gollum" and
"flakey" are not acceptable.
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5. Well, you don't like
"princess corncob,"
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6. You don't like "fester"-- you're
just impossible to please.
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7. We'll come back to that one.
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8. This brings us
to the final item
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9. In our annual state
of the relationship summit.
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10. Item 29: Valentine's day.
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11. Ah, the worst for last. Hmm.
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12. Classic flakey.
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13. Before you get upset, I believe
I've come up with a way for us
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14. To celebrate the occasion
that we both can enjoy.
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15. People usually start
a meeting with a joke,
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16. But you go ahead—
end with one.
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17. I propose we spend a weekend
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18. At a bed-and-breakfast
in napa valley.
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19. I hate every word
in that sentence.
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20. Including "in,"
"at,"we" and "a."
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21. Come on, sheldon. Why not?
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22. For starters,
a bed-and-breakfast forces you
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23. To eat with strangers
at your table.
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24. One step ahead of you—
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25. Bernadette and wolowitz
are going with us.
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26. Oh, very well.
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27. What are the
sleeping arrangements?
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28. We've only been dating
for three years.
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29. If we were to share a room,
people might talk.
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30. I got you your own room.
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31. What if my room has
a claw-foot bathtub?
It doesn't.
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32. I know it makes you feel like
you're bathing inside a monster.
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33. Look, I appreciate the effort,
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34. But I'm still
unclear how this trip
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35. Is supposed to be
enjoyable for me.
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36. We're going to have
valentine's day dinner
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37. On a fully functioning
vintage train.
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38. Vintage?
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39. Be specific.
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40. An alcoa fa-4 diesel locomotive
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41. Leading a train
of meticulously restored
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42. 1915 pullman
first-class coaches.
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43. wow.
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44. I'm feeling the
urge to hug you.
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45. And one... And two...
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46. All right, gollum,
we're good.
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47. Are you sure you guys don't want
to come with us to napa?
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48. You could probably
still get a room.
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49. No, I think we're just gonna
have a quiet weekend at home.
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50. Plus, I'm not sure
it's a great idea
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51. To take penny to where wine
comes from.
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52. What? It's a joke.
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53. Oh, come on.
We bust on each other.
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54. I wear dorky glasses,
you might have a problem—
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55. It's all for laughs.
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56. That would really piss me off if
I didn't have a buzz going on.
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57. Howard, which pocket watch
will you be wearing
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58. For dinner on the train?
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59. I'm sorry, what?
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60. Oh, I'm afraid if we wear
the same pocket watch,
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61. It will be embarrassing.
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62. I don't own a pocket watch.
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63. Oh, my.
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64. Well, then my apologies for
bringing up this sore spot.
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65. Since you two are gonna be
around for valentine's,
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66. Would you mind
watching cinnamon?
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67. You have valentine's plans?
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68. Which came out sounding
way more surprised than I meant.
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69. L-let me try that again.
You have val...
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70. See? I can't do it.
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71. I don't have plans,
which is why I booked time
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72. On the big telescope that night.
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73. Well, an evening
looking at the stars—
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74. That's still
kind of romantic.
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75. Except I'll be alone.
I'm trying to put
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76. Lipstick on a pig here.
Work with me.
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77. We'd be happy
to watch cinnamon.
Yeah.
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78. Thank you. Oh, and I'd like
for at least one of us
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79. To see some action, so if
you guys happen to have sex,
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80. It's cool if she stays
in the room.
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81. Hey, same goes for the two
of you with amy.
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82. What do you think,
sheldon?
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83. It's magnificent.
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84. This is going to be
the best valentine's day ever.
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85. I'm so glad you like it.
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86. I'm prepared to say
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87. I love it, as soon as I confirm
there are no hobos aboard.
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88. Okay.
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89. Raj, I got it.
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90. Bye.
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91. That was your daddy.
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92. He wanted me to say that he
misses... Why am I doing this?
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93. Happy valentine's day!
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94. Ooh, flowers and chocolates?
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95. Somebody's trying to get
me out of my panties.
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96. Don't be surprised if you find
five chocolates missing
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97. And three gross coconut ones
with a bite taken out.
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98. It came that way
when I bought it.
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99. Got you a little
something, too.
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100. Aw.
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101. Jewelry.
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102. Oh, my god.
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103. Lakers tickets?
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104. It gets better. Instead of me,
you can take someone
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105. Who will actually enjoy it.
Aw!
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106. You are the best boyfriend ever.
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107. Thank you. Seriously,
please don't make me go.
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108. Should we take this
little party to the bedroom?
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109. Mm, don't have to— we have
the whole place to ourselves.
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110. Oh, that's true.
In fact, if you want,
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111. We can do it right here
on sheldon's spot.
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112. That is the least sexy thing
anyone's ever said to me.
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113. To the bedroom!
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114. Yeah!
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115. And for the entrée, tonight's
special is a seafood risotto.
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116. Do you have any questions?
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117. Uh, I do.
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118. Uh, does this train car have the
original link-and-pin coupler
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119. Or the miller hook and platform?
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120. I'm sorry, I meant questions
about the food.
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121. Oh, of course. Um...
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122. Is the seafood risotto
being served on a train car
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123. With the original
link-and-pin coupler
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124. Or the miller hook and platform?
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125. I-I think we're
gonna need a minute.
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126. Fun fact: It's neither.
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127. They actually
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128. Use the aar type e coupler.
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129. If you listen carefully when
the locomotive disconnects,
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130. You'll hear the characteristic
click-pshht-thunk
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131. Of the knuckle.
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132. Get out of town.
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133. Fun fact: I'm gonna
jump off this train.
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134. Hey, cinnamon,
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135. Guess who just did it
human style.
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136. Oh, my god!
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137. It's a little late,
but I'll take it.
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138. No, cinnamon ate the chocolates.
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139. That's really bad for dogs.
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140. Oh, crap. What are we gonna do?
We gotta get her
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141. To a vet right now.
I don't have a vet.
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142. I have a podiatrist,
an optometrist, an allergist,
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143. A dermatologist, a urologist.
You'd think I'd have a vet.
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144. Okay. There's one not far
from here. Come on. Let's go.
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145. Okay.
koothrappali was right.
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146. We should have
let her watch.
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147. do another one,
do another one!
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148. Okay.
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149. Here's my impression
of the amtrak
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150. Acela barreling
down the eastern corridor.
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151. It's like there's a train
in your mouth.
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152. Oh, yeah.
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153. I've got one.
Um, the amtrak wolverine
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154. Coming into chicago.
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155. I've been on that train.
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156. And I just was again.
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157. Hey, see if you guys
can guess this one.
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158. Bang! Splat! Thud.
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159. How many trains
have you been on?
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160. Tons. A box fell on my head
at ups six years ago.
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161. Now I just collect disability
and ride trains.
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162. Wow. Your life's amazing.
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163. Not always.
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164. A box fell on my head
at ups six years ago.
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165. Now I just collect disability
and ride trains.
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166. Why do I even try?
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167. I'm gonna fix
this right now.
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168. Okay. Just make it look
like an accident.
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169. Excuse me.
You are
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170. At valentine's dinner
with your girlfriend.
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171. Now get back over there
and be with her.
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172. You're right.
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173. That was
insensitive of me.
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174. I have to go back
to my table now.
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175. You should join us.
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176. All right.
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177. Great.
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178. Now there's two of 'em.
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179. How much chocolate
did she eat?
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180. A whole box.
Well, to be fair,
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181. You ate a lot of it
before you gave it to me.
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182. So the point is I may
have saved her life.
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183. I'm sorry,
is this a joke to you?
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184. No.
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185. Maybe to her.
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186. How big
a box of chocolate was it?
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187. Uh, something like
this. I don't know.
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188. It came free with
a full tank of gas.
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189. Really? Do you know how much
those lakers tickets were?
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190. Do you know
how much gas is?
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191. Hey!
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192. Sorry.
Sorry.
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193. Oh, my god, cinnamon,
are you okay?
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194. I can't believe you two!
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195. You do whatever it takes
to save her life.
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196. If she needs new organs,
I'll buy any dog necessary
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197. And scrap them for parts!
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198. You're the owner?
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199. Owner, father, soul mate,
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200. And if anything happens to her,
your worst nightmare!
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201. Well, she's not
throwing up,
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202. Which is a good sign.
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203. So, I'm gonna take her in back,
put her on fluids
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204. And give her something
to absorb the toxins.
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205. Okay?
Okay. Okay,
thank you.
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206. Oh, if she's scared,
you can sing to her.
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207. She likes katy perry.
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208. Oh, but don't
do "firework."
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209. That gets her all riled up.
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210. Got it.
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211. Should have been a dentist.
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212. Okay, what was
the best four-ten-four
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213. U.S. Locomotive
ever built?
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214. Trick question.
There never was one.
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215. Or was there?
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216. What?
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217. In 1944, the pacific railroad
built number 6131,
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218. Which rearranged
the drivers and cylinders,
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219. Solving the problem
of the q-1,
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220. Creating a duplex-drive
four-four-six-four.
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221. In what world is
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222. A four-four-six-four
a four-ten-four?
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223. A world I don't
want to live in!
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224. Seriously, I no longer want
to live in this world.
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225. Hold on to your
conductor's hat.
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226. You crank the second
and third axles,
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227. Creating a pair
of internal connecting rods,
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228. And boom—
four-ten-four.
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229. If you think
about it, the q-2
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230. Was like the four-ten-four
america never made.
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231. I may never stop
thinking about it.
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232. Amy, what are the odds
we run into this guy?
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233. Better than you think.
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234. You know, if you ask nicely,
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235. They'll let you visit
the engine room.
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236. I never want
this day to end.
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237. It's feeling like
it never will.
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238. Come on.
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239. Hey, did I tell you
what happened to me at ups?
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240. As if valentine's day wasn't bad
enough, you try to kill my dog?
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241. And with cheap chocolate,
no less?
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242. It wasn't cheap.
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243. It was free.
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244. We're really sorry.
It was an accident.
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245. Yeah, we weren't even out
of the room that long.
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246. Oh, no, come on.
It was a while.
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247. It was a while.
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248. Oh, is cinnamon gonna be okay?
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249. She's responding well.
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250. We just want to keep her
a little longer for observation.
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251. All right. Uh, would-would
it be okay for me to see her?
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252. We're usually
in bed by now,
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253. And I want her to
know that I'm here.
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254. Yes, we sleep together,
and sometimes we spoon.
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255. It's okay.
I sleep with my dog, too.
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256. We're not supposed
to let people in back,
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257. But I think
I can make an exception.
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258. Thank you.
Come on.
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259. By the way, I sang
her katy perry.
Oh, yeah?
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260. And I don't care
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261. What that obnoxious
parrot back there says.
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262. I crushed it.
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263. I think there's something going
on between the two of them.
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264. Maybe, but you also think
nine minutes isn't a while,
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265. So what do you know?
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266. You okay?
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267. Why? Because my boyfriend's off
playing choo-choo
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268. With some weirdo?
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269. Well, to be fair,
they're both weirdos.
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270. I don't know what made me think
tonight would be any different.
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271. Well, just the fact that you got
him up here still says a lot.
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272. To be honest, I bet howie 200
bucks it wasn't gonna happen.
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273. I'm going to the lego store
to get a big-ass r2-d2.
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274. See? It's not
just sheldon.
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275. They're all idiots.
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276. She's right.
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277. So, your boyfriend's
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278. A fixer-upper.
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279. Most of them are.
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280. I mean, look at this guy.
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281. You think he
came like this?
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282. When I met him,
he was a hot, goofy mess.
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283. Now, he's been to space.
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284. That's all me.
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285. I had a little
to do with it.
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286. Oh, sure you did.
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287. Who's mama's
big space man?
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288. I am.
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289. They've been in there,
like, half an hour.
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290. Yeah, for future reference,
that's a while.
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291. How long should we stay?
I don't know.
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292. I'm kind of hungry.
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293. I saw a thai place next door.
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294. Oh. Okay.
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295. Oh. Oh. Hey!
How's she doing?
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296. How is
everything?
Yeah.
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297. She's gonna be okay; they're
gonna let me take her home.
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298. Oh, good.
So I want you
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299. To keep a close eye on her
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300. For the next 24 hours.
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301. Here are a few warning signs
to look out for,
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302. And if you see any of them,
don't hesitate to call.
Oh.
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303. Thank you for taking such
good care of my little girl.
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304. My pleasure.
Have a nice night.
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305. Yes, thank you
for all your help.
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306. Yeah. I'm sorry if
you didn't think
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307. We were taking
it seriously.
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308. We love animals.
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309. Oh, do you guys own any pets?
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310. No.
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311. Good.
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312. I love you so much.
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313. I love you, too.
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314. Sorry.
Sorry.
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315. You guys missed
a pretty great time.
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316. The conductor and I have
the same pocket watch.
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317. It was crazy.
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318. Dare I say "loco"?
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319. Oh, and, amy, guess what?
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320. The conductor said
as soon as he gets off work,
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321. He can come back
to the bed and breakfast
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322. And play his banjo for us.
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323. Okay. I need to speak to
my boyfriend in private,
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324. Like, right now.
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325. There's a car
with a glass roof.
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326. Want to go look
at the stars?
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327. Oh, that sounds
so romantic.
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328. Oh, give it a rest!
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329. Let's go.
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330. Why are you still here?
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331. Excuse me.
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332. I think you're being
a little rude.
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333. I'm being rude?
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334. You've been rude to me
this entire evening.
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335. How is that possible?
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336. I've hardly spoken to you
since we got on the train.
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337. I'm detecting a little friction
between you two,
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338. And I don't want
to be a third rail.
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339. Get it?
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340. I get it.
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341. Leave!
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342. What is your problem?
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343. It's valentine's day.
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344. We're supposed
to be having a romantic weekend.
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345. Oh, really? Because
I remember you saying
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346. That this trip was going to be
something we could both enjoy.
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347. Did you mean that, or were you
just trying to trick me?
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348. Fine, it's true.
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349. I deserve romance,
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350. And I didn't know
how else to make it happen.
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351. Well, if you want romance,
then let's have romance!
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352. Oh, look, there's wine. Mmm.
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353. Grape juice that burns.
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354. Uh, now let's gaze
into each other's eyes, hmm?
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355. You blinked. I win.
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356. Sheldon...
Let's see.
What's next?
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357. Oh, kissing's romantic.
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358. That was nice.
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359. Good.
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360. Um...
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361. The conductor said if I come
back to the engine room,
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362. He'd show me how to bring
the train through a crossing.
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363. Okay, have fun.
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364. Do you want to come with me?
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365. Really? I do.
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366. Hey, guys, wait up!
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367. There you go.
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368. All cozy wozy.
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369. Here, let's see what the doctor
says to keep an eye out for.
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370. Hmm. "rajesh, I was dreading
valentine's day.
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371. Thank you for spending it
with me. Yvette."
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372. Cinnamon, she-she gave me
her phone number.
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373. If I knew it was that easy,
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374. I would have considered
poisoning you months ago.
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375. Oh, what should I say?
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376. Oh, I know. I'll point out
her name's yvette,
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377. And that she's a vet.
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378. That's hysterical.
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379. She'll love it.
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380. Hello.
Oh, hey.
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381. You're back. How
was your trip?
It was wonderful!
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382. Great. What did you do?
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383. I made a new friend
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384. Who likes trains
as much as I do,
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385. Uh, I kissed amy on the lips,
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386. And, uh,
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387. The conductor played his banjo
for me.
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388. Good night.
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389. Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
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390. I'm gonna need
more details.
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391. Oh, well, my new friend's name
was eric.
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392. Um, amy lips tasted like
the brownie we had for dessert.
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393. Oh...
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394. The banjo-playing conductor
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395. Was missing a finger,
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396. But he made up for it
with his can-do attitude.
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397. No, hang on.
Hang on.
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398. Are all those things
equal to you?
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399. Hmm.
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400. It never occurred to me
to pick a favorite.
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401. Well, give it a go.
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402. I can't answer that without
collecting additional data.
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403. Additional data. You dog!
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404. I'm not sure how
listening to other
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405. Nine-fingered banjo players
makes me dog, but all right.
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406. Captioning sponsored by
cbs, warner bros. Television
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407. And toyota.
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408. Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org
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