1. - "The Beverly Hillbillies."
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2. - Wanna come for a swim
in cement pond, Granny?
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3. - Not me child.
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4. If the lord had wanted me
to swim around in water,
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5. he'd have given me fins.
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6. - Well, you sure are gussied up.
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7. Where you goin'?
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8. - I'm going shopping for
our Thanksgiving vittles.
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9. I hear your beau is comin' to eat with us.
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10. - I ain't got no beau.
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11. - Your pa says so, Mr. Drysdale's stepson.
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12. You know, the one they call Sonny.
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13. - Shucks, I ain't never even seen him.
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14. - The way your pa tells it
he's comin' to court ya,
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15. and spark ya.
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16. - What does that mean?
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17. - You don't know what, uh,
courtin' and sparkin' is?
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18. - No.
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19. - No, I guess you wouldn't at that.
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20. Well, when I get back you and
me better have a little talk.
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21. - Have you ever been
courted and sparked, Granny?
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22. - Honey.
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23. When I was a girl back in Tennessee,
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24. I set so many boys' hearts on fire
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25. that they took to callin'
that neck of the woods,
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26. the Smoky Mountains.
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27. - Well, see ya later.
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28. - Daisy you old heartbreaker,
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29. (Granny smooching) you still got it.
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30. - That's the truth.
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31. Who you steppin' out with?
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32. - Ain't steppin' out with nobody.
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33. I'm goin' to the supermarket.
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34. - What's a supermarket?
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35. - I don't know.
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36. I reckon it's kind of
like a general store.
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37. But that's where you have to go
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38. to buy your vittles out here,
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39. and there's some things I need
for that Thanksgiving spread.
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40. - Oh, say, speakin' of Thanksgivin',
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41. we can use the big, fancy eatin' table.
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42. I just finished notchin'
the last pot passer.
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43. - Think they'll reach?
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44. - Well, I don't know,
let's give 'em a try.
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45. - Jethro!
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46. - Yeah, Granny?
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47. You all set to get took
to the supermarket?
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48. - No, not yet.
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49. Fetch me a pot to the fancy eatin' room.
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50. - Yes'm.
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51. - Mm-mm, that sure is a
mighty fine eatin' table.
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52. - Jethro's fetchin' a pot.
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53. - Granny, you gotta admit,
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54. folks who built this table sure
knowin' what they was doin'.
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55. It is built solid.
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56. - It is that.
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57. You could set a half dozen turkey gobblers
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58. on there and never sag it a bit.
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59. - This here is a dandy idea,
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60. especially if ya got
young ones at the table.
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61. The plates won't slip off on the floor.
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62. - Yeah, I've sure scrubbed up
a mess of pole and sorghum.
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63. - Bet nobody ever scrubbed
up none from this floor.
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64. - Been plenty spilled
on the table, though.
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65. - Sorghum?
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66. - Somthin' sticky, I can't
get that green tablecloth
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67. off there to save me.
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68. - It's stuck on there?
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69. - I can't imagine anybody
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70. to lay a clean tablecloth
on a sticky table.
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71. - Yeah Granny, I reckon all
women ain't as spic and span
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72. as you are when it comes to keepin' house.
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73. - Here you are, Granny.
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74. - Set it in the middle of the table,
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75. so we'll see if these pot passers reach.
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76. - Yeah, I reckon that'll
do the trick all right.
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77. - Jed, maybe you better
whittle some sharp points
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78. on a few of them, and we can
spear the meat and pass it.
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79. - That's a good idea Granny, I'll do that.
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80. - How do you reckon the folks
that lived here before us
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81. passed things?
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82. - Well, they probably had a big family
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83. and passed from hand-to-hand.
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84. That reminds me,
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85. we're havin' five for
our Thanksgivin' meal.
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86. - Yeah, you already told me.
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87. - Company comin'?
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88. - Extra special company.
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89. Elly's beau.
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90. - Has Elly got a beau?
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91. - She sure has.
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92. - Mr. Drysdale's step-boy, Sonny.
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93. - Him in Elly ain't never
seen each other yet.
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94. Sonny and his ma just come in from Boston.
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95. But Mr. Drysdale says
his boy'll be just happy
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96. to come a courtin' Elly.
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97. - I won't, I won't!
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98. I have never submitted
to a blind date before,
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99. and I refuse to do it now!
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100. - Sonny, dear, do it just this
once for your daddy, if he—
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101. - He's not my daddy, he's your husband.
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102. - All right then, do it for step-daddy.
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103. It seems to mean a great deal to him.
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104. Mother, I'm the most
popular man on the campuses
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105. of three universities.
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106. Vassar, Wellesley, and Smith.
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107. To those girls, I'm an
idol to be worshiped.
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108. I can't just date anyone!
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109. - Sonny dear, it might be
fun to date someone new,
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110. someone young, lovely, and charming.
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111. - For her, yes.
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112. But how do I know what she'll look like?
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113. No!
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114. I can't!
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115. I can't, I can't, I can't!
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116. It might cause too much
of a trauma, momma.
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117. - But your step-daddy says
she's very attractive.
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118. And it seems that she's the daughter
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119. of his wealthiest depositor,
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120. whom he wishes very much to please.
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121. - Mother, what kind of
a man have you married?
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122. He's selling me for a rich man's girl!
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123. It's sordid!
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124. Oh, it is sordid!
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125. It is sordid!
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126. - No, my precious baby.
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127. I know it was wrong of me to
marry a common bank president.
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128. But I wanted you to have everything,
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129. and all I could give you was the heritage
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130. of a fine old family, but
it takes money too, darling.
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131. - Money, I hate that word.
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132. It makes the rich a social equal of us.
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133. - Oh no, dear!
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134. It could never do that.
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135. - I wish you had read the thesis
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136. I wrote on economics last week.
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137. "Money and Why It Is Not Important".
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138. - You know, for a boy
who's been going to college
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139. for 17 years, you haven't learned much.
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140. - Milburn, you must not
throw it up to Sonny
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141. that he keeps going to college.
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142. He's trying to find himself.
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143. - Well, take my advice.
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144. Don't look.
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145. Come on dear, let Sonny
get dressed for his date.
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146. - I'll draw him a nice hot bath.
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147. - Try not to drown.
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148. - Daddy?
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149. Just a moment, Daddy.
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150. - You called me Daddy.
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151. You've never done that before.
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152. Well, don't ever do it again.
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153. - I refuse to date a strange girl
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154. just to benefit your economic situation.
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155. - Well I've got news for you, Sonny.
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156. My economic situation and
your economic situation
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157. have a very definite relationship.
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158. - Money doesn't interest me.
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159. Who steals my purse, steals trash!
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160. - Well, you will have a
date with Elly May Clampett
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161. and you will be nice to her
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162. or I'll cut off every penny of your trash.
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163. - Milburn, did I hear you say
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164. that it's the Clampett girl
you're asking Sonny to date?
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165. - That's right.
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166. - But my dear, I haven't
finished the genealogical check
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167. of their family tree.
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168. We don't know that Elly May
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169. is socially acceptable for Sonny.
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170. - Good heavens.
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171. - Now, you listen to me, Sonny.
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172. Jed Clampett is thrilled at
the prospect of his daughter
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173. having a date with you, a
city boy, educated, refined.
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174. To him you're a knight in shinning armor,
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175. a handsome prince charming.
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176. He thinks you're the greatest thing
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177. that could ever happen to his daughter.
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178. - Mr. Clampett sounds like
a very intelligent man.
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179. - Oh no, dear.
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180. I've heard the most disturbing
reports about the Clampetts.
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181. I understand they're no
better than peasants.
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182. - Good heavens, a date with a
girl like that is unthinkable!
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183. - Now Margaret, I hesitate
to assert my authority,
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184. but unless I have assurance that my wishes
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185. will be carried out, I'm
afraid I will have to—
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186. - Mother!
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187. Dad!
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188. Who is that?
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189. Who is she?
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190. - Who is what, dear?
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191. - That divine creature
by the pool next door.
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192. - That's the Clampett girl, Elly May.
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193. - Oh dad, you're sensational.
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194. Of course I'll date her.
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195. - Good boy.
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196. - But Sonny!
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197. She's not a blue blood!
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198. - The color may not be right, Mother,
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199. but I sure dig that crazy container!
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200. Ooh, ooh!
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201. Wow!
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202. - Granny, you wearin' perfume?
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203. - Pure vanilla extract.
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204. - You rascal.
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205. You gonna have that storekeeper's
head just a spinnin'!
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206. - That's the idea.
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207. Just because I got plenty of money
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208. don't mean I have to spend it all.
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209. - Howdy Pa, what'cha doin'?
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210. - Oh, I'm fixin' some turkey
stickers for our company meal.
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211. Oh, say Elly.
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212. - Yeah, Pa?
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213. - Is there anything you don't know
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214. about the birds and the bees?
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215. - No.
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216. How come you to ask?
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217. - Well, I reckon they
is what Sonny Drysdale
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218. has been a studyin' at school,
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219. either that or he's partial to 'em.
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220. - How'd you know?
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221. - Well, when I mentioned to Miss Hathaway
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222. that you was gonna be keepin'
company with Sonny Drysdale,
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223. well she say's, uh,
"Mr. Clampett" she says,
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224. "you better have a talk with your daughter
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225. "about the birds and the bees."
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226. - Shucks, I know all
about the little critters.
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227. - Well, that's what I figured,
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228. you being raised in the woods and all.
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229. But I didn't let on to Miss Hathaway,
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230. I know she's just trying to be helpful.
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231. - Granny says she's
gonna have a talk with me
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232. about courtin' and sparkin'.
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233. - She is?
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234. Well, I'm glad of that, Elly.
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235. I was kind of wonderin'
who was gonna do that.
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236. - Pa, why don't you tell me
about courtin' and sparkin'?
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237. - Well, Elly, that's
somethin' that a girl's ma
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238. usually tells her about.
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239. - Well, I ain't got no ma,
so why don't you tell me?
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240. - Well, Granny'll do
it when she comes back.
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241. - But what if she don't get back
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242. before Sonny Drysdale comes?
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243. Then I won't know how
to court and spark him.
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244. - Well, you ain't supposed
to court and spark him.
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245. That's what a feller does to a girl.
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246. - How?
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247. What does he do?
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248. - Well, he gets his self all
slicked up, shaves real close,
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249. shines his shoes, puts on a
stiff collar and a clean shirt.
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250. And he goes callin' on the girl,
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251. totin' a nice big
store-boughtin' box of candy.
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252. - Hot diggity dog!
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253. I'm gonna like courtin' and sparkin'!
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254. - That's only the courtin' part,
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255. I ain't got to the sparkin' yet.
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256. - What's that like, Pa?
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257. - Well, she invites him to come
into the parlor and sit and,
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258. and they usually sit on
the sofa or somethin',
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259. him on one end, her on another.
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260. - Yeah?
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261. - Well, then, he goes to
carefully, a little at a time,
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262. scoochin' down to where
he's in reachin' distance
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263. of the girl.
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264. - Is Sonny Drysdale
goin' to do that to me?
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265. - He might.
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266. And when he does, that's when
a girl has got to be careful.
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267. - Don't you worry, Pa.
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268. If that rascal goes to
reachin' for my candy,
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269. I'll knock him clean off of that sofa.
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270. - Oh Sonny, you sea beast.
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271. You creature from the Blue Lagoon.
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272. Now, now, my dear, don't
you fling yourself overboard
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273. because I'm not worth it.
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274. No, don't, my dear.
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275. My dear!
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276. My, Oh well, there were too
many girls aboard anyway.
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277. We were beginning to list.
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278. - Sonny, are you decent?
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279. - Not me, never.
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280. Come in!
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281. - Sonny, you're beautiful!
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282. - Mother!
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283. Girls are beautiful; boys are handsome!
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284. Dashing!
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285. Debonair!
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286. You're right, I'm beautiful.
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287. - Well, I just spoke to Jed Clampett,
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288. he's expecting you to call this afternoon,
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289. maybe take Elly May for a drive.
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290. And tomorrow, they're expecting
you for Thanksgiving dinner.
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291. - Two days?
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292. Gee Step-dad, no girl has
ever been exposed to me
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293. for two consecutive days.
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294. - What?
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295. - Well, it may be unleashing
forces too powerful to control.
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296. - What if the Clampett girl
gets serious about Sonny?
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297. - Well, we'll celebrate
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298. with the finest champagne money can buy.
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299. - Oh no, my baby's not ready for marriage.
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300. - Margaret, he's 35 years old!
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301. - I am not!
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302. I was a leap-year baby.
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303. - Now I don't know about this nonsense,
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304. now you climb into that
expensive sports car
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305. I bought you and go calling on that girl
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306. or so help me I'll, I'll—
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307. - Milburn, please.
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308. Sonny has never been exposed to violence.
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309. Even when he was born, I
gave the doctor strict orders
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310. that he was not to be spanked.
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311. - But it's not too late to start.
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312. Now, are you going or aren't you?
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313. - I'm going!
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314. I am going!
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315. - Sonny, you want me to go along?
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316. - No Mother, Dear.
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317. - More meat, Mr. Sonny?
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318. Why no trouble at all.
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319. There ya are, whack off
as much as you want.
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320. - Uncle Jed, we's back
from the supermarket.
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321. - What in tarnation is that?
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322. - That is what you call a shoppin' cart.
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323. They's a sign down at the
supermarket that says,
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324. "Take one" so Granny did.
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325. - Yeah, but they's Indian givers,
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326. they wanted me to give it
back when we were leavin'.
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327. - But she didn't do it!
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328. Did ya, Granny?
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329. - You're darn tootin'.
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330. Oh, they's sweet as honey
when you first come in,
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331. but they give ya a heap of
trouble when you start to leave.
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332. - What kind of trouble, Granny?
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333. - Well, first you stand in a
line with a kind of a gate.
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334. And at that gate, there's a woman.
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335. She looks at what you've got,
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336. then she starts to push
a lot of little knobs,
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337. and bells start to ring,
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338. and a drawer pops open
with a lot of money in it.
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339. - Ew doggy!
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340. - Then she tells you how
much money to give her.
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341. She says to me, she says,
"That'll be $28.25".
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342. And I says, "Now you make up your mind,
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343. "is it 28 or is it 25"?
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344. And she says to me, she
says "That's $28.25".
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345. Well, I'd seen I wasn't
getting no place with her,
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346. so I give her the benefit of the doubt
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347. and I plunked down 28, a
quarter and three pennies.
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348. - Well, I'd reckon that'd please her.
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349. You'd of thought so, but not her.
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350. As I started through the gate she says,
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351. "Hold on, Madam, you're short."
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352. I said, "Maybe so, but I'm
big enough to take you on."
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353. - Granny was getting right mad.
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354. - Well, you'd of got mad too, Jed.
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355. And you get after Elly about
running around in boys pants,
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356. you should see those
women in that supermarket.
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357. - Wearin' boys' pants, was they?
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358. - Some of 'em were in their underpants!
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359. Naturally, I wanted to
get Jethro out of there!
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360. - Naturally.
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361. - And I did, too!
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362. By dingy, they didn't stop us!
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363. - Good for you, Granny.
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364. - You there.
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365. - Me?
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366. - Yes, you.
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367. Does that weird looking
vehicle belong to you?
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368. - No sir.
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369. - Can you move it?
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370. - I reckon so.
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371. - Please do.
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372. It completely spoils the
effect of my imported 190.
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373. - What should I do with it?
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374. - Oh, I don't care, just
get it out of sight,
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375. hide it somewhere.
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376. - Yes, sir.
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377. - Sonny Drysdale
to see Miss Clampett.
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378. - Oh, come in.
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379. Come in.
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380. - What'cha doin', Jethro?
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381. - Tryin' to find out
how to drive this thing.
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382. - What fer, who's is it?
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383. - Sonny Drysdale's,
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384. he asked me to get it
out of sight for him.
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385. - I reckon he's just
tryin' to surprise Elly.
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386. Where'd he say to put it?
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387. - Oh, he just said, "Hide it somewheres."
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388. - Yeah, lets accommodate him.
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389. You take the front end,
I'll take the back,
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390. we'll put it back in them bushes yonder.
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391. - Okay.
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392. - Is he totin' a box of candy, Granny?
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393. - He sure is honey, all
tied up with ribbon.
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394. Oh Elly, child, you are just beautiful.
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395. Shall I sprinkle some
vanilla extract on ya?
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396. - Yes'm.
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397. - No, I better not.
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398. Sometimes that drives 'em wild.
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399. Elly, I didn't get to talk to you
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400. about courtin' and sparkin'.
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401. - Oh, that's all right Granny, Pa told me.
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402. - Oh.
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403. All right, now you follow me.
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404. Don't be nervous.
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405. Here she is, Mr. Drysdale.
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406. - Thank you.
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407. You're beautiful.
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408. Divine.
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409. - Never mind me, say
somethin' nice to her.
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410. - Hold it just a moment.
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411. What a vision you are.
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412. What a picture you make,
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413. from your golden hair down to your...
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414. - Is that for me?
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415. - Yes, yes it is.
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416. - Betcha I can guess what it is.
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417. - Try.
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418. - Is it something sweet?
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419. - Exquisitely sweet.
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420. - Something yummy?
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421. - The yummiest.
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422. - Something all girls like?
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423. - Ha ha, you've guessed it, it's me.
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424. You can sleep with it under your pillow.
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425. - You wanna come into the parlor?
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426. - What are we going to do in there?
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427. - Talk about the birds and the bees.
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428. - Well scoo-bee doo.
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429. You peasant girls don't
beat around the bush.
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430. Miss Clampett, my lips long
to taste your lovely hand.
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431. - Elly, why did you throw him?
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432. - That rascal was fixin' to bite me!
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433. - I'll take the broomstick to him.
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434. - My car, where is it?
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435. - Oh, it's hid good, ain't it?
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436. Ain't nobody can find where we put it.
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437. - You big oaf, I'll destroy you.
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438. Oh!
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439. Oh, Mother!
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440. Mother!
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441. - Who was that?
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442. - Sonny Drysdale!
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443. - Mother!
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444. Mumsy!
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445. - He's a mean critter, Jed.
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446. - Yeah, pa, he bites!
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447. - I did him a favor, and
he commenced to hittin' me.
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448. - I claim us Clampetts have
been insulted by the Drysdales.
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449. Let's go feud 'em!
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450. - Now, now.
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451. - Why we can whoop 'em with
one hand tied behind us.
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452. - We ain't got no cause
to whoopin', Granny.
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453. - No cause?
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454. Why just yesterday I went
over there to the Drysdale's
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455. to borrow a cup of possum fat.
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456. And that butler fella
that lives over there,
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457. he says to me, "You wouldn't
pull my leg, would ya?"
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458. And I said, "Well one good
turn deserves another,
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459. "stick it up here, and
I'll give it a yank".
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460. And do you know that he slammed
the door right in my face!
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461. - Let's go!
- Now hold on!
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462. Hold on now, we're all gonna calm down
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463. and go next door and talk to Mr. Drysdale.
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464. We'll straighten this whole thing out.
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465. Come on.
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466. - There, there.
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467. Mother's baby is going to be all right.
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468. Was it just a dreadful
experience, darling?
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469. - Dreadful.
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470. - Margaret, Sonny,
the Clampetts are here.
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471. - They followed me.
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472. Oh!
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473. - Come in.
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474. - Where's Sonny?
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475. - Here I am.
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476. - Well, we've straightened
out the misunderstanding
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477. and now these people have
something they want to say.
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478. - Well Sonny, I, I reckon
this is all my fault.
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479. I'm sorry I wasn't to the door
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480. like a proper pa had ought to been.
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481. - And I'm sorry I throwed you Sonny,
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482. and I sure do thank you for
that nice picture you give me.
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483. - And I'm sorry you hurt
your hand hittin' me, Sonny.
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484. - And me and Jethro was sorry
that we hid your automobile.
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485. We towed it back over
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486. and set it down in front of your house.
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487. - Well, I can't think of
nothin' I'm sorry fer.
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488. But we sure would be
proud to have ya'll come
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489. and take Thanksgiving vittles with us.
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490. - Sonny and I wouldn't think—
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491. - Of passing up an invitation like that.
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492. We'll be there, all of us.
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493. - Let us say grace.
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494. We sure have got a lot
to be thankful for, Lord.
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495. We got good health and good neighbors,
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496. good food, Jethro's goin' to
school, Elly's got a feller.
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497. I guess everything is just about fine
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498. and we sure do thank you.
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499. Amen.
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500. - Amen.
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501. - Well Jethro, hand out the pot passers
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502. and the meat stabbers,
and let's get at it!
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503. - Dibbies on drumsticks!
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