The Beverly Hillbillies 1x6

Directed by Richard Whorf

Ted Eccles as Little Boy • Bea Benaderet as Cousin Pearl Bodine • Shirley Mitchell as Governess Agnes • Frank Wilcox as John Brewster • Phil Gordon as Jasper "Jazzbo" Depew

Granny wants to go home because folks are so unfriendly and no one has come to call. Jed convinces her they should call on them, and they find that people welcome them and give them all manner of gifts when they show up on Halloween in their normal hillbilly clothes. Meanwhile, Jed works on getting Pearl to come visit while she's trying to get hitched to the oilman and find a young man for Jethrine.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - The Beverly Hillbillies! (rapid banjo music)

2. - Pa! - Yeah, Elly?

3. Elly May Clampett.

4. Why, you're the prettiest thing I,

5. I ain't never in all my born days,

6. how'd a old mountain goat like me

7. ever get a youngin like you?

8. You're a queen.

9. That's what you are in that shiny dress standin' there.

10. You a queen.

11. - Feel it, Pa.

12. It's slicker than a cow's belly.

13. - I'll be if it ain't.

14. What kind of dress you call that?

15. - This is what you call a ball gown.

16. - A ball gown?

17. Well you just catchin' onto what this means.

18. - Well, Miss Hathaway, she pinned a piece of paper,

19. onto every dress she got me,

20. tellin' what it was for.

21. - You better tote along a shotgun,

22. keep fellers away.

23. - Ah, no Pa.

24. That's what I'm goin' our for.

25. To meet some fellas.

26. - Hallelujah.

27. You know, you're gonna find out somethin'

28. I've been sayin' is the truth.

29. You don't have to dress up in boy's clothes

30. to have fun with boys.

31. - I'm gonna keep my promise, Pa.

32. I ain't gonna wear nothin' but dresses for three whole days.

33. - And I'm gonna keep my promise too.

34. If you don't have just as much fun

35. as you did climbin' trees and wrestlin',

36. you can go back to wearin' your pants and shirt.

37. - Goodbye, Pa!

38. - Whatchu doin'?

39. Killin' ants?

40. - Granny, this place ain't got no ants.

41. - I'll tell you somethin' else it ain't got.

42. That's me.

43. I'm gonna pack up and go home.

44. - Wait a minute.

45. Hold on there.

46. This is home. - Not to me it ain't!

47. And for my part, they can give Beverly Hills

48. back to the Indians.

49. Or whoever else was fool enough

50. to come here in the first place.

51. - Come on, let's go in here and sit down.

52. And we'll talk this whole thing over.

53. You just got your back up because the police

54. made us get rid of all our cows and pigs

55. and chickens and stuff.

56. - Well, that didn't help none.

57. But if they don't allow folks to have a stock,

58. why have they got that all fired fancy stock pen down there?

59. - Well, Granny, turned out that,

60. that there was something called a tennis court.

61. - What in tarnation as a tennis?

62. - I don't know.

63. But one these days we'll get us a pair of them,

64. go to raise them out there.

65. - Well you go to raise them.

66. I'm goin' back home.

67. Where I can get some good things in life.

68. Like hog jowls and possum shank.

69. - Hold on, Granny.

70. - Jethro's out hunting possums right now!

71. - He won't find none.

72. I've been all over these Beverly Hills

73. and I tell you it ain't easy.

74. Climbin' fences and walls

75. and jumping and over hedges

76. to get around those cement ponds

77. where there are a lot of half naked women layin' there

78. smearing themselves with oil

79. and yelling at you to, "Get out.

80. "Get out!"

81. I tell you, Jed, this place is full of the laziest,

82. greasiest unfriendliest, messed up people

83. I ever did lay my eyes on.

84. - Here, here, here's Jethro.

85. Hi boy!

86. What'd you get?

87. - I got chased by a fellow with a club!

88. - Now, you hear that Jed?

89. It's those Beverly Hillbullies

90. picking on a little boy like Jethro.

91. Come on, Jethro.

92. We'll load up the truck and let's head for home.

93. - Now hold on.

94. I think I know what's ailing you two.

95. You're just plain old home sick.

96. - Well, I'm sick of this home.

97. I can tell you that.

98. - Hey now, I got a surprise I've been kind of saving.

99. I reckon now's a good time to tell you.

100. Let the cat out of the bag.

101. - We need pigs and chickens and he gets us a cat.

102. - Now, that ain't the surprise, Granny.

103. The surprise is, Pearl's coming out here!

104. - Ma's coming out here?

105. - Yeah, and she's bringing your sister, Jethreen.

106. - Hot diggity dog!

107. - Yeah, I wrote her a letter.

108. I said, "Pearl."

109. I says, "Why don't you come out here and bring Jethreen?

110. "We got lots of room and plenty to eat.

111. "And we show has a hanker to see you."

112. - Oh boy!

113. I've gotta get us a possum now.

114. Because if there's one thing more than Jethreen likes,

115. it's grits and possum shanks.

116. - You don't look particular cheered up, Granny.

117. - Jed, you might fool that boy with a story like that

118. but not me.

119. - What do you mean?

120. - Since when can you write letters?

121. - Hold it, Granny.

122. Now wait a minute.

123. Wait a minute!

124. Granny, I didn't write that letter by hand.

125. - Held a pencil pushed your toes, did ya?

126. - No, I wrote it by a new way.

127. The banker secretary showed me.

128. It's called dictitation.

129. - What's dictitation?

130. - Oh, it's wonderful, Granny.

131. You can just talk and she writes it down.

132. - She sure must write fast.

133. - Yeah, with a bad hand too.

134. - She got a bad hand?

135. - This one.

136. She calls it her shorthand.

137. - I don't care how many letters you dictitate, Jed.

138. Peal ain't comin' out here.

139. Least wise, not right now.

140. - Well sure she is, Granny.

141. She's lookin' to find a husband for Jethreen.

142. - I'll tell you who Pearl is a lookin' to get a husband for.

143. Pearl!

144. And I think she's got her cap set

145. for that oilman that bought your swamp.

146. - Mr. Brewster?

147. Why he lives clean over to Tulsa.

148. - Yeah. But pumpin' oil brings him over to your place!

149. And I'll bet you pigs to pole cats,

150. that when he shows up, Pearl ain't far behind.

151. - There he is!

152. Hold on, Jethreen. (audience laughter)

153. - Why, Mr. Brewster, of all people!

154. Fancy meetin' you here.

155. Small world, ain't it?

156. - Yes, it certainly is.

157. - Oh, this here is my daughter Jethreen.

158. This is Mr. Brewster, dear.

159. - I'm pleased to meet you, young lady.

160. - Hi!

161. - May I give you a hand, Mrs. Bodine?

162. - Oh, thank you.

163. Stay in the buggy, dear.

164. - Careful now.

165. There we are.

166. Well, I see you girls are on your way to a Halloween party.

167. - What kind of party?

168. - Halloween.

169. - What's a Halloween?

170. - You don't celebrate Halloween here in the hills?

171. - I never heard of it.

172. What's it like?

173. - Well, it's an occasion where everyone gets dressed up

174. in their most beautiful clothes.

175. (chuckles) - These old things?

176. They're just something that threw together myself.

177. - Well, they looked like they came from Saks.

178. - Well, they didn't.

179. I made them with store-bought yard goods.

180. (audience laughter) Didn't I, Jethreen?

181. - Yes'um.

182. - Well, what, what brings you girls here

183. on this beautiful Indian summer day?

184. - Following you.

185. - We was headed this way anyway.

186. I promised to keep an eye on the old home place

187. for cousin Jed, remember?

188. - Oh, I hope he won't mind

189. that I had a telephone put in the cabin.

190. You see we're it using it as a sort of a field office.

191. - He won't mind.

192. Especially if you would show it to me.

193. And I could see for myself

194. that there was no damage done to the cabin.

195. - Well that's quite all right.

196. Come on.

197. - Stay in the buggy, dear.

198. - Well perhaps

199. she'd like to stretch her legs.

200. - They're long enough now.

201. Jethreen's awful tall for her age.

202. Takes after her father.

203. Her late father, that is.

204. I'm a widow.

205. - Yes, I believe you told me.

206. - Oh, that's right.

207. That's where you told me you was a widower.

208. - Yes.

209. - You um, still are, I suppose.

210. - A widower?

211. Oh yes.

212. - Stay in the buggy, dear. (audience laughter)

213. - I'm going back where I should have stayed

214. in the first place!

215. - Granny for you do something

216. you're allowed to be sorry for,

217. you better take another look around.

218. See all the nice things we got here

219. that you wouldn't have back home.

220. - Like what?

221. - Like this great big cooking room, for one thing.

222. Why, you could take our whole cabin

223. and put it right in this one room.

224. - Well if you did that, I might stay.

225. - What about them big ice boxes?

226. Ain't got nothin' like them back home.

227. - Didn't need 'em!

228. Got nippy in the fall like the good Lord intended it to.

229. This crazy Californie stays warm all year round.

230. - That's awful good for growin' thing.

231. That fruit there.

232. You ever, in your whole born days,

233. ever see anything as pretty as that fruit?

234. Don't spoil either.

235. - Don't taste neither.

236. - Oh now...

237. - Jethro ate a whole bunch of them grapes,

238. two apples, a pear and whole handful of strawberries.

239. And he said there wasn't one bit of juice

240. in the whole kit and caboodle of 'em.

241. He said it was dry as wax.

242. - This is mighty dry and gummy.

243. Maybe you ain't supposed to eat this fruit.

244. - That's the problem with this miserable place.

245. You ain't supposed to do nothing.

246. Ain't supposed to have cows or pigs, chickens.

247. Ain't supposed to fire up the still

248. and make a little moonshine whiskey.

249. Answer me.

250. What can you do in this Beverly Hills?

251. - Well, you can do lots of things, Granny.

252. Things you couldn't do back home.

253. - Name one.

254. - Well,

255. you can call up your friends on a telephone.

256. - No you can't.

257. - Why not?

258. - 'Cause we ain't got no friends, that's why not.

259. There ain't been one neighbor come a calling on us

260. since we moved in here.

261. - So that's what's ailing ya.

262. Nobody's been coming to call.

263. Well now you've got to remember what Pearl said.

264. This here is Beverly Hills where the movie stars live.

265. - What's that got to do with it?

266. What's that got to do with being friendly?

267. - Nothin'.

268. I just thought it might sidetrack you.

269. - Well it didn't.

270. Stars are people just like us, ain't they?

271. - Yes, except they prettier.

272. Wouldn't it be worth waitin' for if one of these days,

273. to come and knock on the door

274. and we go to answer it,

275. and we open up the door

276. and standing there would Mary Pickford.

277. - Mary Pickford?

278. - Yeah.

279. With the golden curls hanging down her back.

280. And her pretty little rosebud mouth sayin',

281. friendly things like, "Howdy there.

282. "I'm Mary Pickford."

283. What would you say to that?

284. - I'd say, "Who's Mary Pickford?"

285. (audience laughter) That's what I'd say.

286. - Granny, she's America's sweetheart.

287. You know that movie house where Pearl played

288. piano on Saturday nights?

289. - I heard of it.

290. - Well, she says a little old Mary is everybody's favorite.

291. - Well tell me this.

292. If Mary Pickford moved in that middle cabin

293. down the crick from us back home,

294. what would we do?

295. - Oh, we'd a gone to callin'

296. and brought her over a mess of pone and skinned possum.

297. - Yeah.

298. And has Mary Pickford brought us to mess of pone

299. and skin possum?

300. No she ain't.

301. - You gotta remember, Granny.

302. She probably spent four or five hours a day

303. just a liftin' and combin' them

304. beautiful curls hangs clear down to her—

305. - Uncle Jed!

306. - Well hello, Jethro.

307. What'd you get this time?

308. - I got arrested.

309. Yeah.

310. Police man, he took my gun away.

311. He said they don't allow hunting in Beverly Hills.

312. - That does it!

313. That does it.

314. - Then he pointed old Duke here.

315. He said, "That dog had his rabies shot?"

316. And I said, "No sir, that dog ain't had nothing shot.

317. "I'm careful with a gun."

318. - What'd he say?

319. - He said, "Oh, a wise guy, huh?"

320. So he put me and Duke in his police car.

321. But we jumped out runned.

322. Oh, is Ma and Jethreen here yet?

323. - No, and they ain't a comin'.

324. Now if you want to see your ma and your sis,

325. you pack up that truck

326. and you and me will skedaddle back home

327. where folks is friendly.

328. - Now, Granny.

329. Doggone, if she ain't the muleiest little woman.

330. Granny, now just a minute.

331. Now Granny, will you just let me say one thing?

332. - Well, you be quick.

333. 'Cause I got a long trip ahead of me.

334. - Granny, I know it ain't been easy for you out here.

335. New things is always vexin',

336. especially at your age

337. but I'm bound and determined to keep this family together.

338. And if you go back to the Hills, we's all goin' with you.

339. I'm asking you please to stay.

340. Not for my sake, but for Elly May.

341. Granny, what this place has done for her is a plain miracle.

342. Why that wild Injun has become a grand lady.

343. I wish you could have seen her go out that door

344. lookin' like a queen and a picture book.

345. I tell you, I just wanted to sit down and bawl.

346. The way you done when I married her ma.

347. Now she's just— - Pa!

348. - She's out there now.

349. Now just wait, Granny.

350. Wait, til you see.

351. In here, Elly May!

352. - Pa, you sure was right!

353. Oh, hi Granny.

354. You don't have to wear boy's clothes to have fun with boys.

355. - Elly May, you promise me you wouldn't wrastle.

356. - I ain't been wrastlin'.

357. - Then what have you been doing in your ball gown?

358. - Doin' what I'm supposed to do.

359. Playin' ball! (audience laughter)

360. Oh, I made two touchdowns

361. and kicked three field goals.

362. - Well, your cousin certainly seems anxious

363. for you to come to Beverly Hills Mrs. Bodine.

364. Will you?

365. Mrs. Bodine?

366. - Yeah?

367. - Will you? - Yeah!

368. Will I what?

369. - Go to Beverly Hills to visit your cousin, Mr. Clampett?

370. - Oh, well,

371. not right now.

372. I'm awful busy.

373. You see, I do fancy sewin',

374. and half makin' and give beauty courses

375. and personality building and music lessons.

376. Then on Saturday I play the piano

377. over at the movie show to Oxford.

378. And then of course there are my young ones,

379. Jethro and Jethreen.

380. 'Course they're no trouble.

381. Jethro's in California

382. and Jethreen, she's fixin' to get married.

383. - Congratulations.

384. When's the wedding?

385. - Soon as she finds a fella.

386. - Well, you certainly are a busy woman Mrs. Bodine.

387. - Yeah!

388. As cousin Jed used to say,

389. "Pearl," he'd say. "The fella that gets you

390. "sure don't have to worry about supportin' ya."

391. - Well, this is the phone I was telling you about.

392. It's called a field telephone.

393. Now with this, I can communicate directly

394. with the men working at the drilling site.

395. - Any young men down there?

396. - Oh yes.

397. - Any unmarried young men?

398. - I'm sure there are.

399. - Any tall, unmarried young men?

400. - They're probably all sizes.

401. - Yeah.

402. I suppose it gets purdy lonesome workin' down there.

403. - It's very likely.

404. This is rather an isolated area.

405. - Any 'specially tall, 'specially lonesome,

406. unmarried young ones?

407. - I don't think I can call any by name, no.

408. - Uh huh.

409. Well, I was just wondering.

410. - Excuse me, ma'am.

411. Could you tell me where the oil drillers are workin' today?

412. Well, now...

413. What have we here?

414. Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm!

415. And pretty too. (Jethreen giggles)

416. You know what, honey?

417. I got somethin' here just for you.

418. A genuine French garter,

419. imported all the way from Paris, France.

420. They usually sell for 50 cents,

421. but honey, you can have it for a quarter.

422. Listen honey, I'm gonna be around a couple of days.

423. You busy Saturday night?

424. Well you are now.

425. And there's a dance over in Hooterville.

426. I bet you're an armful of mama.

427. I mean it, honey.

428. I like thick girls.

429. They just do things to me.

430. You're carryin' me away.

431. - All right!

432. - Hey, what's goin' on here?

433. - Granny!

434. Granny!

435. Oh, there you are.

436. Are you...

437. What are you doin'?

438. - I'm figurin'.

439. And I figure best when I'm fishin'.

440. - Ain't no fish in there.

441. - I ain't fishin' for fish.

442. I'm fishin' for figurin'.

443. - Yeah, what kind of figurin' you fishin' for?

444. - I'm fishin' to figure how I can get home.

445. - Now Granny, I've been doin' some figurin' too.

446. You know, I think I got it figured out

447. how come the neighbors ain't come to visit us.

448. - I'm listenin'.

449. - Well, way I got it figured,

450. out here in Beverly Hills,

451. instead of them comin' to see us,

452. we go to see them.

453. - How come?

454. - I don't know how come.

455. That's just the way I got it figured.

456. - Mighty convenient figurin'.

457. - Granny, it would do no harm

458. and to give it a try.

459. Lotta things are different out here.

460. - Well, I'll fish on it for a spell.

461. - Give me this. - He tossin'.

462. - He's like a whale!

463. - Who said there ain't fish in here?

464. - Well that's the prettiest I ever seen.

465. - I got you, you rascal!

466. I'm gonna throw you right in the frying pan!

467. This thing ain't nothin' but skin.

468. That's your Beverly Hills for ya.

469. All flashy and show on the outside

470. and nothin' on the inside where it counts.

471. - Fish and people is two different thing.

472. We're gonna callin' on our neighbors

473. and then we'll do our judgin'.

474. Well let's see now.

475. Which neighbor should we call on first?

476. Mr. Drysdale's off in Boston with his missus.

477. So let's go this way.

478. - If you asked me, let's go back that way.

479. - Now Granny.

480. You promised.

481. Come on, everybody.

482. Let's go.

483. - You reckon they'll give us a mess of pone or somethin' Pa?

484. - Or maybe some salted down possum.

485. - Probably throw lye on us.

486. - I'm not expecting anyone, Agnes.

487. - Oh, it's probably just some children

488. playing trick-or-treat, ma'am.

489. - Oh yes.

490. - Hi, ma'am.

491. We's the Clampetts.

492. - You got somethin' for us?

493. - Jethro.

494. - Aren't you rather big for this?

495. - Yes, ma'am we are.

496. In fact, I don't see how anybody

497. gets through that little door.

498. - Just a minute.

499. Come in!

500. Come in and sit a spell, as you folks say up in the Hills.

501. - Thank you.

502. We got a lot of calls to make.

503. This here is Granny.

504. - Howdy. - Hello.

505. - My daughter Elly. (Agnes gasps)

506. My nephew Jethro.

507. And I'm Jed.

508. - Hello, Jed.

509. I'm Agnes.

510. Just call me Aggie.

511. - Mighty nice place you got here, Aggie.

512. - Oh, shucks, t'ain't nothin' but a heap of bricks,

513. but we call it home.

514. - Sure is nice to met up with you.

515. - Oh, now wait!

516. Wait just a minute, I got somethin' for you.

517. Wait a second.

518. Here you go, Granny and Elly.

519. For you.

520. And Jethro, for you and Jeddy.

521. There.

522. - Well, thank you.

523. That's mighty neighborly of you.

524. And you must come and see us sometime.

525. - Yeah, we'll go huntin' together!

526. - Hey Aggie, you like to play football?

527. - Love it!

528. - Well there's a whole bunch of fellas

529. that play in the pasture down the way a peek.

530. And they'll like it just fine

531. if I could bring some more girls along.

532. - Now don't forget.

533. - Please, can we go out now?

534. - Not yet children.

535. Not til it gets dark.

536. - Ain't that the most pitiful thing?

537. - Heart renderin'.

538. Just heart renderin'.

539. - Nice lookin' woman.

540. Friendly as you can get.

541. But them youngins is homeliest I ever see.

542. - We knew she didn't want to come a callin' on us.

543. - Reckon I'd stay home too

544. if my kids looked like that.

545. - Yes, and I ain't never gonna say

546. a bad word about nobody.

547. - I know what you mean.

548. Hot diggy, every house went to

549. they was nice to us, wasn't they?

550. - Sure was, Jed.

551. - Hey, listen everybody.

552. I gotta idea.

553. Let's call up cousin Pearl.

554. And tell her to come on out here!

555. - Uncle Jed, you can't call Ma on the telephone.

556. - Drysdale says we can call anybody we have a mind to.

557. - Well Ma, she ain't got no telephone at home.

558. - Don't matter.

559. She ain't never home nohow.

560. - Way I look at it,

561. you can't never tell what you can do til you try.

562. - Don't forget to spin the wheel.

563. - Howdy, ma'am.

564. I want to talk to Pearl Bodine.

565. Back in Oxford.

566. - That's right, operator.

567. J.D. Clampett in Beverly Hills

568. - Jed's sure gonna he surprised

569. to hear me talkin' at him on this thing.

570. - Oh, they're ready to make the connection.

571. - Hello!

572. - Peal? - Yeah!

573. Is that you, Jed?

574. - You betcha it is.

575. - Hello, Pearl you old rascal!

576. Whatchu doin' down there?

577. - Hi there Aunt Pearl, this here is Elly!

578. - Jethro'll talk in a minute,

579. but first I want to say somethin'.

580. You gotta come out here to Beverly Hills

581. and bring Jethreen.

582. If she can't get a husband out here,

583. there ain't no hope.

584. You ain't never seen so many homely youngins

585. in all your born days!