1. - The Beverly Hillbillies.Copy !req
2. - Granny, you out here?Copy !req
3. - I'm over here, Jed.Copy !req
4. - Granny, is that you?Copy !req
5. - Shucks no, Jed, I got
prettier feet than that.Copy !req
6. Prettier drumsticks too.Copy !req
7. - Well them is them fancy
towels Mr. Drysdale give us.Copy !req
8. - He says they're beach towels,
but we use 'em right here.Copy !req
9. - Granny, we got company
comin' and I reckon you'd likeCopy !req
10. to get some vittles goin'.Copy !req
11. - Who's comin'?Copy !req
12. - One of them rich, high society,
Beverly Hills fellas nameCopy !req
13. of Armstrong Dueser McHugh III.Copy !req
14. - The third what?Copy !req
15. - Third Armstrong Dueser McHugh, I reckon.Copy !req
16. - You mean to tell me that
them McHughs named all threeCopy !req
17. of their young'uns the same name?Copy !req
18. - I think that's it.Copy !req
19. - Well, it's none of my
business, but dogged if I can seeCopy !req
20. where Armstrong Dueser
is such a good name.Copy !req
21. - Kinda confusin' too.Copy !req
22. I reckon that's why they call
'em first, second, and third.Copy !req
23. - How'd this feller
get acquainted with us?Copy !req
24. - Well, he ain't yet.Copy !req
25. Jethro invited him over here
to meet us, but between youCopy !req
26. and me, I think it's Elly
May he wants to meet.Copy !req
27. - Yeah, Jethro's always braggin'
about his pretty cousin.Copy !req
28. - I told her there's a feller
comin' over to meet her,Copy !req
29. and she promised to put
on her purdiest dress.Copy !req
30. - Well, when that Armstrong
Dueser gets a look at Elly,Copy !req
31. he's gonna forget what number he is.Copy !req
32. - Pa?Copy !req
33. - Over here, Elly.Copy !req
34. Elly May Clampett, they's
a feller comin' to see you.Copy !req
35. - Well, what's wrong, Pa?Copy !req
36. I put on my prettiest dress.Copy !req
37. - Tell her, Granny.Copy !req
38. - Elly May, look at your feet.Copy !req
39. Ain't got no shoes on.Copy !req
40. - Well, I'll go put 'em on.Copy !req
41. - Come back, Elly May.Copy !req
42. I just can't think of no quicker
way to kill a romance thanCopy !req
43. to meet a feller totin'
a skunk in your arms.Copy !req
44. - Jed, Jed, here he comes.Copy !req
45. - Is this the Clampett residence?Copy !req
46. - Yes, sir.Copy !req
47. - Thank you.Copy !req
48. - He's older than I figured.Copy !req
49. - And wearin' a uniform.Copy !req
50. - Jethro didn't say he was in the Army.Copy !req
51. - It's all right, Jed,
it's Confederate gray.Copy !req
52. - Howdy there, I'm Jed Clampett.Copy !req
53. This here is Granny and
I reckon you must beCopy !req
54. Armstrong Dueser McHugh III.Copy !req
55. - Oh no, sir.Copy !req
56. - The second?Copy !req
57. - No, ma'am.Copy !req
58. - That 'splains him bein'
older, he's the first.Copy !req
59. Jethro, Armstrong's here.Copy !req
60. - Sir, you don't understand.Copy !req
61. Excuse me.Copy !req
62. - Mr. Clampett, I am
Armstrong Dueser McHugh III.Copy !req
63. - Well, howdy there, Armstrong.Copy !req
64. I fear you're a might young for Elly.Copy !req
65. - Sir, I'm here to play with Jethro.Copy !req
66. We're classmates in the fifth grade.Copy !req
67. - Granny, shake hands with
Armstrong Dueser McHugh III.Copy !req
68. - Howdy, Third.Copy !req
69. - I am delighted to
make your acquaintance.Copy !req
70. - Mighty big spread of
years between the firstCopy !req
71. and the third.Copy !req
72. - Appears to me the second'd
be just about right for Elly.Copy !req
73. - Hey, little Duesey.
- Big Jethro!Copy !req
74. - Oh please, sir, please.Copy !req
75. Master Armstrong is very delicate.Copy !req
76. - Jethro won't hurt me.Copy !req
77. He's my friend.Copy !req
78. - But you might get a
nosebleed at that altitude.Copy !req
79. Master Armstrong is under the
care of several specialists.Copy !req
80. He's very sickly.Copy !req
81. - Wilkins, please!Copy !req
82. - Last week we had
nurses around the clock.Copy !req
83. - Even got a sick clock.Copy !req
84. - Master Armstrong, please,
you're not to get excited.Copy !req
85. Would you like a tranquilizer?Copy !req
86. - No.Copy !req
87. - Come on, everybody,
let's go in the house.Copy !req
88. - I got some vittles cookin'.Copy !req
89. - One moment, please.Copy !req
90. I must view the house
before Master Armstrong.Copy !req
91. - I'm sorry about Wilkins,
but he has his orders.Copy !req
92. - What in the Sam hill are you doin'?Copy !req
93. - This is an allergy spray.Copy !req
94. - He ain't got no allergies.Copy !req
95. - Master Armstrong has several.Copy !req
96. - Then spray him.Copy !req
97. (audience laughs)
- You don't understand.Copy !req
98. This spray settles the dust in the room.Copy !req
99. - Dust in my house?Copy !req
100. Why, if you weren't wearin'
the uniform that I dearly love,Copy !req
101. I'd ram this down your throat and reach inCopy !req
102. and push the button.Copy !req
103. - Now, Granny, calm down.Copy !req
104. - Well, I just mopped and cleaned
in here just this mornin'.Copy !req
105. - Madam, the air is filled
with minute particlesCopy !req
106. invisible to the naked eye.Copy !req
107. - I don't see 'em.Copy !req
108. - Hope you brought your
swimsuit, Little Duesey.Copy !req
109. We got a dandy big cement pond here.Copy !req
110. - Oh, I'm afraid I don't know how to swim.Copy !req
111. - Oh, Jethro'll learn ya.Copy !req
112. - Sure.
- No, no!Copy !req
113. Master Armstrong is not
allowed in the water.Copy !req
114. - No wonder he's got all them allergies.Copy !req
115. A good hot bath with lye
soap, that's what he needs.Copy !req
116. - Lye soap?Copy !req
117. Master Armstrong, I don't
think I should leave you here.Copy !req
118. - Please, Wilkins.Copy !req
119. - Well, I'll take your
temperature and blood pressureCopy !req
120. before I go.Copy !req
121. - No, Wilkins, I feel fine.Copy !req
122. - Oh, very well.Copy !req
123. With whom shall I leave
the young master's scheduleCopy !req
124. on rest, diet, medication, and
telephone numbers of doctors?Copy !req
125. - Well, if it's anything
to do with doctorin',Copy !req
126. Granny here's the best.Copy !req
127. - Very well, there you are.Copy !req
128. Now then.Copy !req
129. Antihistamine pills, tranquilizers,Copy !req
130. acid pills, anti-acid pills,Copy !req
131. vitamins, iron,Copy !req
132. liver, yeast extract,Copy !req
133. antibiotics.Copy !req
134. Well, Master Armstrong, it's
time for your throat spray.Copy !req
135. Just a precautionary measure
to see that he fights offCopy !req
136. the respiratory virus.Copy !req
137. - That rascal comes around
here, I'll fight it.Copy !req
138. Over to school, all the big
fellas is always pickin'Copy !req
139. on Little Duesey.Copy !req
140. - But not when Jethro's around.Copy !req
141. - Oh, I almost forgot, the
oxygen tent's in the car.Copy !req
142. Where shall I set it up?Copy !req
143. - Tent?
- Yes, Sir.Copy !req
144. Master Armstrong usually
spends an hour a day in it.Copy !req
145. - Ah, you like campin', do ya?Copy !req
146. I'll say, Duesey is happy
as a itchy pig rubbin'Copy !req
147. against a rail fence.Copy !req
148. - Speakin' of pigs, I got
some hog jowls stewin'Copy !req
149. and a possum pie in the oven
for this little feller's lunch.Copy !req
150. Come on.Copy !req
151. - Hog jowls?Copy !req
152. Possum pie?Copy !req
153. Do you intend to feed those
things to Master Armstrong?Copy !req
154. - Why, don't he eat that good at home?Copy !req
155. - Oh, he has an extremely
delicate digestive system.Copy !req
156. At present, he's on a diet
of special Swiss yogurt.Copy !req
157. We hunted all over
Beverly Hills to find it.Copy !req
158. - Jethro, get out your
rifle and hunt down oneCopy !req
159. of them Swiss yogurts.Copy !req
160. (audience laughs)
- Okay, Uncle Jed.Copy !req
161. I'll take little Duesey along to make sureCopy !req
162. I shoot the right kind.Copy !req
163. - Sure, reckon Granny'll
know how to cook itCopy !req
164. once she sees it.Copy !req
165. Does it run or fly?Copy !req
166. - Neither.Copy !req
167. Yogurt is inanimate.Copy !req
168. It just lies there.Copy !req
169. - Ain't gonna be much
sport to shoot, Jethro.Copy !req
170. - That's a fact.Copy !req
171. - Hi, has anybody seen little Charlie?Copy !req
172. - A dog!Copy !req
173. Go away.Copy !req
174. Master Armstrong's
allergic to all animals.Copy !req
175. - Elly, Charlie got in the kitchen again.Copy !req
176. - (yells) A skunk!Copy !req
177. - Oh, city feller, I wouldn't
do that if I was you.Copy !req
178. He might just return the favor.Copy !req
179. - Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
180. You've all finished.Copy !req
181. - Go right ahead and chuck
it in there, young feller.Copy !req
182. Looks like you could use
a little fattenin' up.Copy !req
183. - That's a fact.Copy !req
184. I've throwed away chicken
bones with more meatCopy !req
185. on 'em than he's got.Copy !req
186. - You want some more, Little Duesey?Copy !req
187. - Oh, no thank you.Copy !req
188. It was most delicious.Copy !req
189. I'd love to tell Chef how to make that.Copy !req
190. - Who's Chef?Copy !req
191. - Oh, he's the feller
that does the cookin'Copy !req
192. over at Duesey's house.Copy !req
193. - A man in the kitchen?Copy !req
194. - Yeah, Granny, you oughta see him.Copy !req
195. Cooks in a great big white hat.Copy !req
196. - Well, the first thing to
tell him to do is to get ridCopy !req
197. of the hat and do his cooking in a pot.Copy !req
198. - Well, how come your ma don't
do the cookin' Little Duesey?Copy !req
199. - Who?
- Your ma.Copy !req
200. - Oh, Mother.Copy !req
201. I don't believe she knows
where the kitchen is.Copy !req
202. On her rare visits home,
I've never seen her there.Copy !req
203. - Visits home?Copy !req
204. - My mother and father spend
most of their time traveling.Copy !req
205. - Oh, drummers?Copy !req
206. What do they sell?Copy !req
207. - Well, they don't work, they just travel.Copy !req
208. - How come?Copy !req
209. - I really don't know.Copy !req
210. I imagine they enjoy it.Copy !req
211. - Well, don't ya miss your ma and pa?Copy !req
212. - Oh, they write to me
regularly, every month or two.Copy !req
213. I have a marvelous
collection of foreign stamps,Copy !req
214. and they always telephone
me on my birthday.Copy !req
215. - That's right friendly of them.Copy !req
216. - Well, who looks after ya, Little Duesey?Copy !req
217. - Oh, mostly the governess.Copy !req
218. - Governess?Copy !req
219. - She's married to Wilkins.Copy !req
220. - Did you hear that, Granny?Copy !req
221. That feller that brung him
over here's the governor.Copy !req
222. (audience laughs)
- That still don'tCopy !req
223. give him no right to tell
me I got dust in my house.Copy !req
224. - Say, you folks have so much fun.Copy !req
225. I never even laugh at home.Copy !req
226. - Well, little feller,
anytime you feel likeCopy !req
227. bustin' out laughin',
you come right on over.Copy !req
228. - Excuse me.Copy !req
229. Come on, Little Duesey.Copy !req
230. You promised to help me with my homework.Copy !req
231. He's the smartest kid in school.Copy !req
232. - Oh, I'd rather be able to
swim and climb trees, like you.Copy !req
233. - Well, you help me with historyCopy !req
234. and I'll teach you to swim and tree climb.Copy !req
235. - And I'll learn you
wrastlin' so's the big kidsCopy !req
236. won't be picking on ya.Copy !req
237. - Oh, I'd like that.Copy !req
238. And perhaps I could assist
you in some subject.Copy !req
239. How about English?Copy !req
240. - Thank ya, Little Duesey,
but I done been learnedCopy !req
241. to talk that.Copy !req
242. I kinda got a hankerin'
for history though.Copy !req
243. What you studyin' in that?Copy !req
244. - At present, we're on the Civil War.Copy !req
245. - You mean the war betwixt
the Yankees and the Americans?Copy !req
246. - You boys can run along
now, you're excused.Copy !req
247. - Just a minute, sonny.Copy !req
248. Who'd they learn you won that war?Copy !req
249. - Granny, these boys got studyin' to do.Copy !req
250. - I want an answer to my question.Copy !req
251. We's payin' school taxes, and I wanna knowCopy !req
252. that they're learning
are young'uns the truth.Copy !req
253. Now, who did they say won?Copy !req
254. The North?Copy !req
255. Or the South?Copy !req
256. Hush up, Jed, I can't
hear the boy's answer.Copy !req
257. - Why, Madam, every true
student of history knows thatCopy !req
258. that glorious Armies of that
brilliant and beloved leader,Copy !req
259. General Robert E. Lee,
were never really defeated.Copy !req
260. - Hallelujah, stay for supper.Copy !req
261. - Come on, Jethro.Copy !req
262. - Hey, Little Duesey.Copy !req
263. Didn't our history teacher
over at the school say that-Copy !req
264. - Smart little feller,
but I gotta learn himCopy !req
265. the right words to Dixie.Copy !req
266. I spoke to young Master Armstrong,
and he told me to tell yaCopy !req
267. that he ain't ready to go home yet.Copy !req
268. He's havin' too much.Copy !req
269. - He's not permitted to have fun.Copy !req
270. It's bad for his blood pressure.Copy !req
271. - Well, I'll tell him when
he comes down outta the topCopy !req
272. of that tree.Copy !req
273. - He's in a tree?Copy !req
274. - Say, that little rascal
can climb like a squirrel.Copy !req
275. Soon as his hands get toughened up,Copy !req
276. he'll be as good as Elly May.Copy !req
277. - I insist upon taking
him home immediately.Copy !req
278. - I told ya, he don't wanna go home yet.Copy !req
279. - That makes no difference, he's going.Copy !req
280. - Hold on a minute.Copy !req
281. I don't wanna tangle with no soldierCopy !req
282. in the Confederate gray.Copy !req
283. - This is not a Confederate uniform.Copy !req
284. Now remove your hand and
lead me to Master Armstrong.Copy !req
285. - And if'n I don't?Copy !req
286. - I'll have to take him by force.Copy !req
287. - Is that a fact?Copy !req
288. - Like Grant took Richmond.Copy !req
289. - What did you say?Copy !req
290. - I shall take him like
Grant took Richmond.Copy !req
291. - That's what I thought ya said.Copy !req
292. - I'll be back.Copy !req
293. - Well, ya better bring Grant
with ya, and his whole army.Copy !req
294. - But operator, I must
talk to Mr and Mrs. McHugh.Copy !req
295. Have you tried Rome?Copy !req
296. Paris?Copy !req
297. How about Zurich?Copy !req
298. Well, try Zermatt.Copy !req
299. Maybe they're climbing the Matterhorn.Copy !req
300. Well, try anyway.Copy !req
301. Maybe their hotel has
a long extension cord.Copy !req
302. Operator, this is urgent.Copy !req
303. - I thought I told you to skedaddle.Copy !req
304. - Call me back.Copy !req
305. My area code is 417, 7328,
and this is mobile 089 303 52.Copy !req
306. Never mind, I'll call you.Copy !req
307. - Granny, you didn't take your
gun to the governor, did ya?Copy !req
308. - He ain't no governor.Copy !req
309. He ain't even a Confederate.Copy !req
310. And what's more, he ain't
got all his turnips.Copy !req
311. - You mean he's tetched?Copy !req
312. - He was a sittin' in his automobile,Copy !req
313. pretendin' to be talkin' on a telephone.Copy !req
314. - I wonder how come so
many of them kind seemCopy !req
315. to wind up out here in California?Copy !req
316. - Sorry to interrupt, Chief,
but Wilkins here has anCopy !req
317. urgent problem concerning young
Armstrong Dueser McHugh III.Copy !req
318. - Well, what is it?Copy !req
319. - Well, to fill you in, Chief,
Armstrong Dueser McHugh III'sCopy !req
320. father, Armstrong Dueser
McHugh II has afforded the bankCopy !req
321. executor of his will,
administrator of his estateCopy !req
322. and guardian of Armstrong
Dueser McHugh IIICopy !req
323. in case something should happenCopy !req
324. to Mr and Mrs. Armstrong Dueser McHugh II.Copy !req
325. That is why Wilkins here, and
very wisely, has come to youCopy !req
326. in this crisis.Copy !req
327. - What is the crisis?Copy !req
328. - I forgot.
(audience laughs)Copy !req
329. Oh yes, young Master Armstrong
is being held a prisoner.Copy !req
330. - Call the FBI.Copy !req
331. Do you know who has him?Copy !req
332. - A hillbilly family called the Clampetts.Copy !req
333. - J Edgar Hoover please.Copy !req
334. - Never mind, hang up.Copy !req
335. Wilkins, the Clampetts are
my next door neighbors,Copy !req
336. my largest depositors,
and my personal friends.Copy !req
337. - And the very salts of the Earth.Copy !req
338. Sorry, Chief.Copy !req
339. - But Mr. Drysdale, young
Master Armstrong is extremelyCopy !req
340. frail and delicate, and the
Clampetts refuse to give himCopy !req
341. the proper food or rest or medication.Copy !req
342. They're exposing him to great danger.Copy !req
343. - Get the Clampetts on the phone.Copy !req
344. They won't harm the boy.Copy !req
345. - But I'm afraid they already have.Copy !req
346. They've got him climbing
trees and eating possum pie.Copy !req
347. - Delicious.
(audience laughs)Copy !req
348. - But they're violent people.Copy !req
349. Granny threatened me with a shotgun.Copy !req
350. - What did you say about the South?Copy !req
351. - The south what?Copy !req
352. (audience laughs)
- Hello, Granny.Copy !req
353. Jane Hathaway here.Copy !req
354. Would you call young
Armstrong Dueser McHugh IIICopy !req
355. to the telephone?Copy !req
356. - I don't hardly think so.Copy !req
357. He went out to the cement pond to swim.Copy !req
358. - Thank you, Granny.Copy !req
359. Goodbye.Copy !req
360. Nothing to worry about.Copy !req
361. Master Armstrong is in swimming.Copy !req
362. - But he doesn't know how to swim.Copy !req
363. - But Jethro, I don't know how to swim.Copy !req
364. - Oh, don't let that
worry ya, Little Duesey.Copy !req
365. We can learn anybody.Copy !req
366. Well, heck, Elly May even learned her cat.Copy !req
367. - Come on, Rusty.Copy !req
368. - Lookee there.Copy !req
369. - Come on, Rusty.Copy !req
370. Did ya have a good swim?Copy !req
371. - See Little Duesey,
there's nothin' to it.Copy !req
372. Now you just watch me and do as I do.Copy !req
373. Come on, Little Duesey.Copy !req
374. - I'm afraid, Jethro.Copy !req
375. - You got nothin' to be afraid of.Copy !req
376. Why, Elly May is right here.Copy !req
377. - And Rusty too.Copy !req
378. - I'll do it if Big Jethro commands me to.Copy !req
379. - Big Jethro says dive in and swim.Copy !req
380. - Look, Jethro, I'm swimming.Copy !req
381. - You sure are, Little Duesey.Copy !req
382. You just done swum right
outta your swimmin' suit.Copy !req
383. - Nice and soft here so
nobody won't get hurt none.Copy !req
384. - Can you really teach me to defend myselfCopy !req
385. against those big bullies at school?Copy !req
386. - You betcha.Copy !req
387. Now come at me like yer fixin' to hurt me.Copy !req
388. Really oughta learn ya on
someone bigger'n myself.Copy !req
389. Mr. Pool Man?Copy !req
390. - Yes, Miss Clampett.Copy !req
391. - Would you help us out
for a minute, please?Copy !req
392. - Why certainly.Copy !req
393. What can I do for you?Copy !req
394. - Well, I'm tryin' to learn
this here young fella howCopy !req
395. to protect himself.Copy !req
396. Now you come at me like
yer fixin' to hurt me.Copy !req
397. - Oh, I don't think I'd better.Copy !req
398. I was in the Marines, you know?Copy !req
399. And they taught us some
pretty rough tactics.Copy !req
400. By any chance, were you
in the third battalion?Copy !req
401. - Try that little Dueser.Copy !req
402. - It works!Copy !req
403. - Now I tell you what you can do.Copy !req
404. You whittle yourself a
whole bunch of these,Copy !req
405. different sizes, tie 'em
together side by each.Copy !req
406. You can play a real tune.Copy !req
407. - But I don't have a knife, sir.Copy !req
408. - Well, I tell you what.Copy !req
409. If you promise to handle it
real careful, like I showed you,Copy !req
410. safety first, don't cut
yourself, you can have this one.Copy !req
411. - Gee thank you, Uncle Jed.Copy !req
412. - You know by rights, I ain't
yer Uncle Jed, just Jethro's.Copy !req
413. - Oh yes, I'm sorry, Mr. Clampett.Copy !req
414. - Seein' as how you're such
a good friend of Jethro's,Copy !req
415. you can call me Uncle Jed.Copy !req
416. - Now remember, Third, you
gotta keep your eye on the cork.Copy !req
417. When the cork starts
bobbin' around in the water,Copy !req
418. then you know that a fish
is nosin' around the bait.Copy !req
419. Then, when the cork all of a
sudden dunks under the water,Copy !req
420. then you know old Mr Fish
has grabbed the bait,Copy !req
421. and ya pull him out.Copy !req
422. - Can I hold the line, Mrs. Granny?Copy !req
423. - Sure, you might as
well get the feel of it.Copy !req
424. - I caught something!Copy !req
425. - Oh, ya couldn't have.Copy !req
426. There's nothin' in there.Copy !req
427. - It feels like a whale, help me!Copy !req
428. - I figured I'd let Little
Duesey see what it was likeCopy !req
429. to catch a big ol' catfish.Copy !req
430. - You hold it kinda loose this way.Copy !req
431. You bring your arm back,
and just as ya let it fly,Copy !req
432. you give it a little spin.Copy !req
433. You watch.Copy !req
434. - Perfect ringer, Uncle Jed!Copy !req
435. - Yeah, well you try it.Copy !req
436. Now ya see how handy it is
to be able to climb a tree?Copy !req
437. - Now be of good cheer, Wilkins.Copy !req
438. I am confident that we
shall find everything hereCopy !req
439. in possum pi-Copy !req
440. Apple pie order.
(audience laughs)Copy !req
441. - Howdy, Mr. Drysdale.Copy !req
442. Well, Miss Jane, Mr. Wilkins, come on in.Copy !req
443. - Greetings, Granny.Copy !req
444. - Hello, Granny.Copy !req
445. - I thought I told you to
secede from these parts.Copy !req
446. - Now, Granny.
- Madam, I demandCopy !req
447. to see Master Armstrong immediately.Copy !req
448. - Shh, don't wake him up.Copy !req
449. He's takin' his nap.Copy !req
450. - There, you see, he's getting his rest.Copy !req
451. - Needs it too, poor little
feller's all tuckered out.Copy !req
452. - Which bedroom is he in?Copy !req
453. - Nappin' right out there in the sun.Copy !req
454. - The sun?Copy !req
455. His skin is far too
sensitive to be exposedCopy !req
456. to ultraviolet rays.Copy !req
457. He's allergic to animals.Copy !req
458. - Wilkins, I'm not
going home, I feel fine.Copy !req
459. - You're coming home and
have an antiseptic bathCopy !req
460. and then spend an hour
in your oxygen tent.Copy !req
461. - Wilkins, I'm not going.Copy !req
462. - Then I'll take you by force.Copy !req
463. - You will?Copy !req
464. - Like Grant took Richmond.Copy !req
465. Master Armstrong.Copy !req
466. - I'll call you when I need you.Copy !req
467. - Go away, scat.Copy !req
468. Scat.Copy !req
469. Scat!Copy !req
470. Scat!Copy !req
471. - I wouldn't do that if I was-Copy !req
472. I tried to tell him.Copy !req