1. - "The Beverly Hillbillies."
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2. - Line up, everybody!
First come, first serve.
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3. One, two,
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4. three and four.
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5. All right, Pearl, go ahead.
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6. - By rights, you should go first, Jed.
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7. You're the head of the family.
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8. - Oh, no, Pearl. I ain't in no hurry.
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9. How 'bout you, Elly May?
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10. - Oh, no, Pa. I was the last one in.
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11. - I take it this family
don't wanna take my tonic?
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12. - Oh, no Granny.
It's great, delicious.
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13. - Well, then, step up, somebody be first.
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14. - Aunt Pearl, go on ahead.
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15. Women and children first. That's the rule.
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16. - That's the rule for
fire, flood, and disaster.
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17. - Well, seems to me Granny's tonic
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18. oughta fit in there somewheres.
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19. - I heard what you said, Jed Clampett.
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20. And just for that, when
it comes your turn,
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21. you're gonna get a double dose.
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22. Now, step up somebody and get at it.
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23. - Hey, I got an idea.
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24. How 'bout lettin' this
little fella go first.
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25. He looks kinda puny.
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26. - Yeah, he's been acting
kinda poorly lately, Granny.
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27. Tonic him first, Granny.
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28. - Sure seems to like it.
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29. - Here, you want some more?
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30. - No, I reckon that's enough
for a little critter, like him.
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31. Yes, sir.
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32. Best batch I ever made.
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33. - Miss Hathaway, these papers are ready
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34. for Jed Clampett's signature.
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35. Oh, incidentally,
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36. you did a fine job bringing
his file up to date.
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37. - Thank you, chief. I'll be right in.
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38. Mr. Drysdale,
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39. I wish to give credit where credit is due.
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40. Most of the work on the Clampett file
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41. was done by Miss Buckles here.
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42. - Hmm? Buckles?
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43. Who's she?
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44. - A comparatively new girl, chief.
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45. But already she has
displayed those qualities
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46. so rare in the modern girl.
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47. Eagerness to learn, willingness to work,
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48. loyalty to the bank, devotion to duty.
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49. - All right, all right.
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50. How much of a raise does she want?
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51. - Oh, no, Mr. Drysdale. I
didn't do it to get a raise.
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52. I did it because I'm sincerely interested
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53. in my work here.
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54. And I'm determined to
become the best in...
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55. The second best employee in your bank.
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56. - You hear that, chief?
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57. Rare devotion to duty.
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58. And Miss Buckles worked
on the Clampett file
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59. in her own time.
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60. - Very praiseworthy.
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61. All right. What's Mr.
Clampett's present balance?
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62. - $34,783,127.34.
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63. That's not including the
oil deposit due today.
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64. - Well, you are familiar with his file.
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65. - Well, I feel that a job worth doing
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66. is worth doing right.
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67. - Unlike so many others,
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68. this girl is not here to find a husband.
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69. She is here to work, right, Gloria?
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70. - Right, Miss Hathaway.
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71. - You may call me, Jane.
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72. - All right.
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73. Take these up to Mr. Clampett.
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74. Now, make sure he signs
in all places indicated.
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75. - Right, chief.
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76. - Miss Hathaway, your time is so valuable
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77. and I know that Mr. Drysdale needs you.
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78. I would never be missed
from the secretarial pool.
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79. - Do you hear that, chief?
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80. Is she a rare find?
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81. - I just try to be like
you, Miss Hathaway.
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82. - Jane.
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83. - Jane, Jane.
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84. - Chief, if it's all right with you?
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85. She is familiar with the papers.
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86. - Huh? Oh, fine, yeah, fine.
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87. - And Gloria?
- Yes?
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88. - You must take my car.
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89. - Oh, no, Miss Hathaway-
- Oh, tut, tut, tut.
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90. I insist.
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91. - Granny,
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92. have you seen any sign of Jed?
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93. - Not since I gave him
that double dose of tonic.
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94. - I wonder if you woulda
oughta double dosed him.
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95. Just one dose has Jethro jumping fences.
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96. - Well, Jed's an older man.
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97. He can hold his tonic.
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98. - $34,783,127.34
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99. $34,783,127.34
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100. $34,783,127.34
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101. - Howdy, ma'am.
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102. - Well, how do you do?
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103. I'm Gloria Buckles from the Commerce Bank.
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104. - Ah, it's mighty nice to meet ya.
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105. I'm Jed Clampett.
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106. - You?
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107. - Yes, ma'am.
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108. - But I was looking for a much older man.
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109. - Ain't no older man around here.
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110. Might could scare you up
one in the neighborhood.
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111. Seems to me I seen an elderly feller
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112. down the road apiece.
- No, no, I simply meant
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113. I couldn't believe that you were so young.
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114. - Well, maybe it's 'cause I ain't.
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115. - You look so young-
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116. You do look young.
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117. - Is that a fact?
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118. - He's holding his tonic
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119. but that ain't all.
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120. I tell you, Granny, I
seen it with my own eyes.
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121. That girl is young enough
to be his daughter.
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122. - And you say he gave her a hug?
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123. - Grabbed at her like
a crawdad grabs bait.
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124. - That old mountain goat.
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125. I didn't figure on him runnin' wild.
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126. - It's your tonic.
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127. You shouldn't a double dosed him
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128. and him being a widower so long.
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129. - Jed'll come to his senses.
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130. - I don't know.
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131. They ain't no fool like an old fool.
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132. - Jed ain't old.
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133. - He's old enough.
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134. But he ain't too old.
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135. And that's where the danger is.
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136. - Pearl, you're making a
hill out of a haystack.
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137. - Granny, I got a good look at this girl,
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138. and I'm telling you right
now, that ain't hay.
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139. Real big city article.
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140. Not the kinda girl
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141. that Jed's used to meetin' back home.
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142. - Oh, girls is girls, city or country.
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143. They all come outta the same catalog.
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144. - Maybe so,
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145. but the city girls make it look like
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146. there's more in the package.
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147. - Granny? Pearl?
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148. Oh, there you are.
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149. - I see what you mean, Pearl.
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150. She's wrapped tight and tied loose.
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151. - I want you all to meet
Miss Gloria Buckles.
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152. This here is Granny, and Cousin Pearl.
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153. - How do you do?
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154. I'm very pleased to meet you, ladies.
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155. - Howdy.
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156. - Hi.
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157. - Well, ain't she just about
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158. the prettiest thing you ever did see?
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159. - Yeah.
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160. Favors Elly a lot.
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161. Just about her age, too,
wouldn't you say, Granny?
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162. - A might younger.
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163. - Who's Elly?
- His granddaughter.
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164. - I mean, my granddaughter.
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165. - She's Jed's daughter.
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166. - Oh, are you married, Mr. Clampett?
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167. - I'm a widower, ma'am.
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168. - Yeah, poor ol' Jed.
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169. I reckon he's come for another dose
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170. of his lumbago medicine, Granny.
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171. - I reckon.
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172. Poor ol' feller was up
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173. all last night with the misery.
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174. - A moanin' and a groanin'
and a walkin' the floor.
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175. - Yes.
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176. The poor ol' fella is past the point
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177. where liniment does him any good.
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178. - That's right, poor sweet ol' boy.
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179. - Now, girls.
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180. That's just about enough of that.
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181. You both know I never had
a twinge of the miseries
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182. in all my life,
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183. knock on wood.
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184. - Pearl, his mind is wanderin' again.
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185. - Ain't his fault,
Granny. He missed his nap.
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186. - I want to apologize for them two, ma'am.
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187. They both just think they being funny.
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188. - I know what you mean.
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189. I've got some elderly
relatives like that myself.
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190. It's such a beautiful day.
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191. Why don't we go for a drive, Jed?
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192. - Well, thank you, ma'am.
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193. I'd like that.
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194. Gloria.
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195. - Did you hear what she called us?
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196. Elderly relatives.
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197. - Never mind that.
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198. It's what he called her and she called him
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199. and now she's gonna get
him out alone in her car.
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200. - Let's get in the truck and follow 'em.
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201. - We can't drive.
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202. - Jethro can.
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203. - Oh, I don't want Jethro
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204. gettin' no ideas from his uncle.
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205. Don't forget, he's been tonicked, too.
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206. - Oh, we has nothing to worry about.
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207. Jed's a man that can keep
his feet on the ground.
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208. Once he gets his arms around that girl,
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209. won't much matter where he keeps his feet.
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210. - By dingies, ma'am, if
you hadn't brought her
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211. to a halt right when you did,
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212. we'd a gone right over that bluff.
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213. I'll get out and push
her back on the road.
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214. - No, no, Mr. Clampett.
I stopped here purposely.
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215. - Oh?
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216. How come?
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217. - Well, it's so beautiful
and I'm so lonely.
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218. - Pretty woman, like you?
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219. Why, I'd think these city boys'd
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220. be standing in line for you.
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221. - Boys, yes.
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222. Men, no.
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223. - Well, I see 'em here all ages.
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224. I'm afraid that years alone
do not turn a boy into a man.
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225. - I reckon I know what you mean.
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226. - I blame that city down there.
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227. Something about it seems
to close in on a boy
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228. and keep him small and
immature all his life.
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229. Show me a boy that's
grown up in the country,
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230. in the mountains, especially,
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231. and I'll show you a man, a real man.
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232. - You gonna think I'm making this up
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233. on account a what you just said,
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234. but I growed up in the mountains.
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235. - No.
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236. - Yes, ma'am.
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237. Don't let that Beverly
Hills mansion fool ya,
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238. I'm a mountain boy born and bred.
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239. - Of course.
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240. Of course, I see it now.
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241. I see it in those cool, clear eyes,
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242. unclouded by smog.
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243. Eyes that have looked
beyond the city skyline
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244. and seen the truth and beauty of nature.
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245. I see it in this rugged, handsome face.
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246. I see it in these
strong, but gentle hands.
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247. Hands that have dug into the good earth,
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248. put life into it and brought it forth.
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249. Hands, roughened by honest toil.
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250. - Take another look at the face.
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251. - Do you see anything of 'em?
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252. - Not a sign.
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253. - Where could they be all this time?
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254. - At a the preacher if you ask me.
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255. - We shoulda followed them
in the truck, like I said,
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256. and taken our chances with Jethro.
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257. - Now, don't shake your finger at me.
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258. It was your witch's brew
that started this mess.
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259. - Don't you go calling my spring tonic
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260. any witch's brew.
- Granny, Granny, Granny.
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261. - We gotta stick together.
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262. If that young city snip
gets her claws into Jed,
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263. first thing she's gonna
do is get rid of us.
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264. - Aw, Jed wouldn't marry no city woman.
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265. Would he, Pearl?
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266. - Oh, Jed. Jed.
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267. What have you done to me?
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268. - Nothing, ma'am.
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269. - Oh, yes you have.
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270. You've sentenced me to
a life of loneliness,
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271. a life without love,
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272. a life unfulfilled.
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273. - Well, I don't know what you mean, ma'am.
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274. Honest, I don't.
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275. - I'll tell you what I mean.
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276. You set a standard no
man could measure up to.
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277. A goal I could never achieve.
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278. Having met you,
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279. I could never care for a city man.
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280. Those weak and puny clothes dummies,
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281. with their narrow suits
and their narrow shoulders
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282. and their narrow minds.
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283. - Please, ma'am, I—
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284. - I have felt the muscles of a mountaineer
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285. ripple beneath my hands.
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286. Do you think I could ever
be happy with anything less?
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287. No.
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288. I shall never marry.
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289. Better an old maid than a life with men
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290. I could neither love nor respect.
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291. - Ma'am, don't feel that way.
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292. Pretty woman like you, smart and all.
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293. Why, it'd be a terrible shame
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294. if you was to never to get married
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295. and raise a flock of young'uns.
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296. - No.
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297. - Oh, please, ma'am.
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298. I'd feel terrible if I thought
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299. you was wasting yer life this way.
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300. Please change yer mind.
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301. Well, Miss Gloria,
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302. if yer determined to marry a mountain man
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303. and none other,
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304. and unless you do it,
yer life'll be ruined.
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305. Maybe,
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306. and I get to know you better,
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307. we might could find a way.
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308. - Oh, Jed.
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309. - Now, I ain't makin' no promises.
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310. But you set me to thinkin'.
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311. I reckon we best get back home
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312. and everybody get better acquainted.
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313. - Here they come, Granny. Here they come.
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314. - If she thinks she's gonna throw us out,
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315. I'll fill her so full of buckshot.
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316. - Granny get rid of that thing.
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317. They's comin' up the driveway.
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318. - Is they draggin' tin
cans behind the car?
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319. - I couldn't tell. Put that gun away.
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320. This situation calls for
brains, not buckshot.
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321. Be quiet, come on.
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322. - For't near forgot yer pocketbook?
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323. - Oh, those are some papers
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324. Mr. Drysdale wants you to sign.
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325. - Well, come on. Let's
get in and get busy.
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326. We got a lot to do.
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327. Signin' and dancin' and
gettin' better acquainted.
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328. Well, I reckon the first thing I better do
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329. is sign them papers you got fer me.
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330. - Yes, yes, that's a good idea.
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331. - She wearing a wedding ring?
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332. - Wait 'til she gets her gloves off.
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333. Don't see one.
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334. - Good.
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335. Then, they ain't been to the preacher.
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336. - What is all them, anyway?
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337. - Well, now this transfers your money
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338. from one account to the other.
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339. And this,
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340. this is your last will and testament.
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341. - They ain't been to the preacher,
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342. but they been to the lawyer.
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343. And that's just as bad.
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344. - Or worse!
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345. - We gotta stop him.
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346. Oh! There ya are, Jed.
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347. We been lookin' all over fer ya.
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348. Ah, you give the doctor a terrible sight
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349. disappearing like that.
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350. - Doctor?
- Yeah.
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351. - He was afraid you mighta
fell in the cistern again.
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352. - What you talking about?
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353. - Why, Jed Clampett, shame on you.
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354. You know the doctor don't want you
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355. to have nothing sharp.
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356. - Pearl, what in the blue blazes—
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357. - Now, now, now, don't get excited, Jed.
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358. Doctor says it ain't good
fer him to get excited.
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359. - What are you, what are you-
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360. - Oh, I almost forgot.
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361. Come into the parlor. I
got a surprise fer ya.
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362. - A surprise?
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363. - Come on.
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364. - All right, what's the surprise?
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365. - Well, the surprise is
what Pearl and me found out
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366. about that woman whilst you was gone.
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367. - What'd you find out?
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368. - She's a spy.
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369. - A spy?
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370. - Fer one of them foreign nations.
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371. - Which one?
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372. - Minneapolis,
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373. or Wisconsin.
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374. - Granny.
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375. - Yeah, poor ol' fella.
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376. He ain't been himself since that mule
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377. kicked him in the head.
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378. - What a shame.
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379. - I thought he'd been
givin' you that story
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380. about havin' lots of money
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381. and this house bein' his and all that.
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382. - Well, I did get the impression
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383. that he's a very wealthy man, yes.
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384. - Pfft!
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385. Don't have a cent.
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386. Not a red penny to his name.
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387. - Is that a fact?
- Yeah.
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388. - But it ain't his fault, poor ol' thing.
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389. - He didn't mean no harm.
- The mule kick.
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390. - Shook a few things loose in the loft.
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391. - Would you believe Kansas City, Illinois?
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392. - Now, Granny,
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393. I want you and Pearl to
stop all this nonsense
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394. and listen careful.
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395. Now, you go out and round
up Jethro and Elly May.
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396. I want this whole family
to get well acquainted
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397. with Miss Buckles here,
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398. because when you do,
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399. I just might have an announcement to make.
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400. - What about, Jed?
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401. - You'll find out in due time, Pearl.
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402. Now, you and Granny go on. Scoot.
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403. This beautiful young lady here
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404. is gonna teach me how
to dance, city style.
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405. - That's right, Mr. Drysdale.
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406. We didn't know who else to call,
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407. but we think this here woman
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408. is trying to get Jed's money.
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409. Well, she says her name is Gloria Buckles,
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410. but I don't know-
- What!
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411. - What?
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412. Oh, well. Yes, sir.
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413. Yes, sir. We will.
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414. Bye.
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415. Mr. Drysdale must know that woman.
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416. He's a comin' right over.
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417. - Pa gonna marry up with her?
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418. - Oh, child, we hope not.
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419. We pray not.
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420. - Why, Granny?
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421. I got a look at her and boy, she's pretty.
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422. - Beauty is only skin deep, son.
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423. - Well, she must have awful deep skin,
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424. because every place I could see was-
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425. - Oh, never mind.
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426. Now, Mr. Drysdale says
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427. we's to keep her here 'til he comes.
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428. - I'll watch her, Ma.
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429. - You watch her car.
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430. - How 'bout I throw her
down and sit on her?
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431. - That's a good idea. I'll sit with ya'.
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432. - Now, Jed ain't gonna hold
still fer nothin' rough.
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433. Now, Elly, you and Jethro
keep an eye on things.
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434. Granny and me's gonna do
some plottin' and thinkin'.
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435. - What'd you say this one was called?
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436. - This is called the twist.
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437. - If a fella was to dance this
in the fresh plowed field,
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438. he'd auger his way right
into the ground, wouldn't he?
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439. Hey, Jethro, come on in. You wanna dance?
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440. I'd rather dance with her, Uncle Jed.
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441. - That's what I had in mind, boy.
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442. Miss Buckles,
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443. this here is my nephew Jethro.
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444. - Hi.
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445. - You teach him that there twist
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446. and I'll teach it to Elly May.
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447. This is my daughter I
been telling you about.
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448. - Oh, what a beautiful child.
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449. You and I are going to be such good chums.
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450. - Ma'am, I think he meant
for ya to dance with me.
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451. - We're in time, chief. There's my car.
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452. - Yes, now where's your protege?
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453. That loyal, devoted,
hard-working, gold digger?
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454. - I still can't believe
it. So shy, so retiring.
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455. - Hmm.
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456. She'll be retiring if
she hooks Jed Clampett.
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457. - Come on, Pa!
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458. - Yee-ha!
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459. - Go, Uncle Jed.
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460. - This is fun!
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461. - Jethro, I reckon you
better answer that door.
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462. - Okay, Uncle Jed.
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463. Oh, howdy.
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464. - Oh, how do you do, ma'am?
I'm sorry to intrude.
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465. - Howdy, folks.
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466. Come on in, dig yourselves a hole.
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467. - Gloria Buckles.
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468. - Huh? Where, where, where?
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469. - There.
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470. - Oh my, it is.
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471. You imposter.
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472. - Jezebel.
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473. - You gold digger.
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474. - I have a bulletin for you two.
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475. You better be nice to me,
or else after my wedding
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476. you may lose your largest depositor.
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477. - Wedding?
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478. - Mr. Clampett,
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479. have things gotten as far
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480. as actually discussing
marriage with this woman?
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481. - Well, yes, Mr. Drysdale, they have.
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482. Her and me had a nice long talk about it
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483. and that's the reason I brung her home
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484. so she could, meet the family
and kinda get acquainted.
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485. - But, but-
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486. - This pretty, young, city woman
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487. says that unless she
can marry a mountain man
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488. she just ain't gonna get married at all.
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489. I think we all agree
that'd be a terrible waste.
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490. - Should we set the date now, Jed?
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491. - Well, yeah, near as we can.
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492. I'd say, everybody willing,
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493. that'd be in about, three or four years.
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494. - Three or four years?
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495. - Yeah, it'll be that
long before Jethro's 21.
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496. - Jethro?
- Jethro?
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497. - Hot diggity dog! I got me a woman!
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498. - Jed!
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499. - Bring him back!
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500. - Pa, ain't you gonna marry
up with that city woman?
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501. - No, Elly.
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502. Us old foxes is trap shy,
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503. especially when the
bait goes to chasin' us.
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