The Beverly Hillbillies 1x27

Bea Benaderet as Cousin Pearl Bodine • Lola Albright as Gloria Buckles

Miss Hathaway's brilliant-but-frumpy bank protegee Gloria (Lola Albright) is really a sultry gold-digger with eyes for Jed's $34 million, and Jed's just had his annual dose of Granny's spring tonic. Pearl and Granny are a little suspicious of her. Gloria claims that she has to marry a mountain man. Seeing through her scheme, Jed says that's a good idea, but she'll have to wait 3 or 4 years until Jethro is old enough.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. - "The Beverly Hillbillies."

2. - Line up, everybody! First come, first serve.

3. One, two,

4. three and four.

5. All right, Pearl, go ahead.

6. - By rights, you should go first, Jed.

7. You're the head of the family.

8. - Oh, no, Pearl. I ain't in no hurry.

9. How 'bout you, Elly May?

10. - Oh, no, Pa. I was the last one in.

11. - I take it this family don't wanna take my tonic?

12. - Oh, no Granny. It's great, delicious.

13. - Well, then, step up, somebody be first.

14. - Aunt Pearl, go on ahead.

15. Women and children first. That's the rule.

16. - That's the rule for fire, flood, and disaster.

17. - Well, seems to me Granny's tonic

18. oughta fit in there somewheres.

19. - I heard what you said, Jed Clampett.

20. And just for that, when it comes your turn,

21. you're gonna get a double dose.

22. Now, step up somebody and get at it.

23. - Hey, I got an idea.

24. How 'bout lettin' this little fella go first.

25. He looks kinda puny.

26. - Yeah, he's been acting kinda poorly lately, Granny.

27. Tonic him first, Granny.

28. - Sure seems to like it.

29. - Here, you want some more?

30. - No, I reckon that's enough for a little critter, like him.

31. Yes, sir.

32. Best batch I ever made.

33. - Miss Hathaway, these papers are ready

34. for Jed Clampett's signature.

35. Oh, incidentally,

36. you did a fine job bringing his file up to date.

37. - Thank you, chief. I'll be right in.

38. Mr. Drysdale,

39. I wish to give credit where credit is due.

40. Most of the work on the Clampett file

41. was done by Miss Buckles here.

42. - Hmm? Buckles?

43. Who's she?

44. - A comparatively new girl, chief.

45. But already she has displayed those qualities

46. so rare in the modern girl.

47. Eagerness to learn, willingness to work,

48. loyalty to the bank, devotion to duty.

49. - All right, all right.

50. How much of a raise does she want?

51. - Oh, no, Mr. Drysdale. I didn't do it to get a raise.

52. I did it because I'm sincerely interested

53. in my work here.

54. And I'm determined to become the best in...

55. The second best employee in your bank.

56. - You hear that, chief?

57. Rare devotion to duty.

58. And Miss Buckles worked on the Clampett file

59. in her own time.

60. - Very praiseworthy.

61. All right. What's Mr. Clampett's present balance?

62. - $34,783,127.34.

63. That's not including the oil deposit due today.

64. - Well, you are familiar with his file.

65. - Well, I feel that a job worth doing

66. is worth doing right.

67. - Unlike so many others,

68. this girl is not here to find a husband.

69. She is here to work, right, Gloria?

70. - Right, Miss Hathaway.

71. - You may call me, Jane.

72. - All right.

73. Take these up to Mr. Clampett.

74. Now, make sure he signs in all places indicated.

75. - Right, chief.

76. - Miss Hathaway, your time is so valuable

77. and I know that Mr. Drysdale needs you.

78. I would never be missed from the secretarial pool.

79. - Do you hear that, chief?

80. Is she a rare find?

81. - I just try to be like you, Miss Hathaway.

82. - Jane.

83. - Jane, Jane.

84. - Chief, if it's all right with you?

85. She is familiar with the papers.

86. - Huh? Oh, fine, yeah, fine.

87. - And Gloria? - Yes?

88. - You must take my car.

89. - Oh, no, Miss Hathaway- - Oh, tut, tut, tut.

90. I insist.

91. - Granny,

92. have you seen any sign of Jed?

93. - Not since I gave him that double dose of tonic.

94. - I wonder if you woulda oughta double dosed him.

95. Just one dose has Jethro jumping fences.

96. - Well, Jed's an older man.

97. He can hold his tonic.

98. - $34,783,127.34

99. $34,783,127.34

100. $34,783,127.34

101. - Howdy, ma'am.

102. - Well, how do you do?

103. I'm Gloria Buckles from the Commerce Bank.

104. - Ah, it's mighty nice to meet ya.

105. I'm Jed Clampett.

106. - You?

107. - Yes, ma'am.

108. - But I was looking for a much older man.

109. - Ain't no older man around here.

110. Might could scare you up one in the neighborhood.

111. Seems to me I seen an elderly feller

112. down the road apiece. - No, no, I simply meant

113. I couldn't believe that you were so young.

114. - Well, maybe it's 'cause I ain't.

115. - You look so young-

116. You do look young.

117. - Is that a fact?

118. - He's holding his tonic

119. but that ain't all.

120. I tell you, Granny, I seen it with my own eyes.

121. That girl is young enough to be his daughter.

122. - And you say he gave her a hug?

123. - Grabbed at her like a crawdad grabs bait.

124. - That old mountain goat.

125. I didn't figure on him runnin' wild.

126. - It's your tonic.

127. You shouldn't a double dosed him

128. and him being a widower so long.

129. - Jed'll come to his senses.

130. - I don't know.

131. They ain't no fool like an old fool.

132. - Jed ain't old.

133. - He's old enough.

134. But he ain't too old.

135. And that's where the danger is.

136. - Pearl, you're making a hill out of a haystack.

137. - Granny, I got a good look at this girl,

138. and I'm telling you right now, that ain't hay.

139. Real big city article.

140. Not the kinda girl

141. that Jed's used to meetin' back home.

142. - Oh, girls is girls, city or country.

143. They all come outta the same catalog.

144. - Maybe so,

145. but the city girls make it look like

146. there's more in the package.

147. - Granny? Pearl?

148. Oh, there you are.

149. - I see what you mean, Pearl.

150. She's wrapped tight and tied loose.

151. - I want you all to meet Miss Gloria Buckles.

152. This here is Granny, and Cousin Pearl.

153. - How do you do?

154. I'm very pleased to meet you, ladies.

155. - Howdy.

156. - Hi.

157. - Well, ain't she just about

158. the prettiest thing you ever did see?

159. - Yeah.

160. Favors Elly a lot.

161. Just about her age, too, wouldn't you say, Granny?

162. - A might younger.

163. - Who's Elly? - His granddaughter.

164. - I mean, my granddaughter.

165. - She's Jed's daughter.

166. - Oh, are you married, Mr. Clampett?

167. - I'm a widower, ma'am.

168. - Yeah, poor ol' Jed.

169. I reckon he's come for another dose

170. of his lumbago medicine, Granny.

171. - I reckon.

172. Poor ol' feller was up

173. all last night with the misery.

174. - A moanin' and a groanin' and a walkin' the floor.

175. - Yes.

176. The poor ol' fella is past the point

177. where liniment does him any good.

178. - That's right, poor sweet ol' boy.

179. - Now, girls.

180. That's just about enough of that.

181. You both know I never had a twinge of the miseries

182. in all my life,

183. knock on wood.

184. - Pearl, his mind is wanderin' again.

185. - Ain't his fault, Granny. He missed his nap.

186. - I want to apologize for them two, ma'am.

187. They both just think they being funny.

188. - I know what you mean.

189. I've got some elderly relatives like that myself.

190. It's such a beautiful day.

191. Why don't we go for a drive, Jed?

192. - Well, thank you, ma'am.

193. I'd like that.

194. Gloria.

195. - Did you hear what she called us?

196. Elderly relatives.

197. - Never mind that.

198. It's what he called her and she called him

199. and now she's gonna get him out alone in her car.

200. - Let's get in the truck and follow 'em.

201. - We can't drive.

202. - Jethro can.

203. - Oh, I don't want Jethro

204. gettin' no ideas from his uncle.

205. Don't forget, he's been tonicked, too.

206. - Oh, we has nothing to worry about.

207. Jed's a man that can keep his feet on the ground.

208. Once he gets his arms around that girl,

209. won't much matter where he keeps his feet.

210. - By dingies, ma'am, if you hadn't brought her

211. to a halt right when you did,

212. we'd a gone right over that bluff.

213. I'll get out and push her back on the road.

214. - No, no, Mr. Clampett. I stopped here purposely.

215. - Oh?

216. How come?

217. - Well, it's so beautiful and I'm so lonely.

218. - Pretty woman, like you?

219. Why, I'd think these city boys'd

220. be standing in line for you.

221. - Boys, yes.

222. Men, no.

223. - Well, I see 'em here all ages.

224. I'm afraid that years alone do not turn a boy into a man.

225. - I reckon I know what you mean.

226. - I blame that city down there.

227. Something about it seems to close in on a boy

228. and keep him small and immature all his life.

229. Show me a boy that's grown up in the country,

230. in the mountains, especially,

231. and I'll show you a man, a real man.

232. - You gonna think I'm making this up

233. on account a what you just said,

234. but I growed up in the mountains.

235. - No.

236. - Yes, ma'am.

237. Don't let that Beverly Hills mansion fool ya,

238. I'm a mountain boy born and bred.

239. - Of course.

240. Of course, I see it now.

241. I see it in those cool, clear eyes,

242. unclouded by smog.

243. Eyes that have looked beyond the city skyline

244. and seen the truth and beauty of nature.

245. I see it in this rugged, handsome face.

246. I see it in these strong, but gentle hands.

247. Hands that have dug into the good earth,

248. put life into it and brought it forth.

249. Hands, roughened by honest toil.

250. - Take another look at the face.

251. - Do you see anything of 'em?

252. - Not a sign.

253. - Where could they be all this time?

254. - At a the preacher if you ask me.

255. - We shoulda followed them in the truck, like I said,

256. and taken our chances with Jethro.

257. - Now, don't shake your finger at me.

258. It was your witch's brew that started this mess.

259. - Don't you go calling my spring tonic

260. any witch's brew. - Granny, Granny, Granny.

261. - We gotta stick together.

262. If that young city snip gets her claws into Jed,

263. first thing she's gonna do is get rid of us.

264. - Aw, Jed wouldn't marry no city woman.

265. Would he, Pearl?

266. - Oh, Jed. Jed.

267. What have you done to me?

268. - Nothing, ma'am.

269. - Oh, yes you have.

270. You've sentenced me to a life of loneliness,

271. a life without love,

272. a life unfulfilled.

273. - Well, I don't know what you mean, ma'am.

274. Honest, I don't.

275. - I'll tell you what I mean.

276. You set a standard no man could measure up to.

277. A goal I could never achieve.

278. Having met you,

279. I could never care for a city man.

280. Those weak and puny clothes dummies,

281. with their narrow suits and their narrow shoulders

282. and their narrow minds.

283. - Please, ma'am, I—

284. - I have felt the muscles of a mountaineer

285. ripple beneath my hands.

286. Do you think I could ever be happy with anything less?

287. No.

288. I shall never marry.

289. Better an old maid than a life with men

290. I could neither love nor respect.

291. - Ma'am, don't feel that way.

292. Pretty woman like you, smart and all.

293. Why, it'd be a terrible shame

294. if you was to never to get married

295. and raise a flock of young'uns.

296. - No.

297. - Oh, please, ma'am.

298. I'd feel terrible if I thought

299. you was wasting yer life this way.

300. Please change yer mind.

301. Well, Miss Gloria,

302. if yer determined to marry a mountain man

303. and none other,

304. and unless you do it, yer life'll be ruined.

305. Maybe,

306. and I get to know you better,

307. we might could find a way.

308. - Oh, Jed.

309. - Now, I ain't makin' no promises.

310. But you set me to thinkin'.

311. I reckon we best get back home

312. and everybody get better acquainted.

313. - Here they come, Granny. Here they come.

314. - If she thinks she's gonna throw us out,

315. I'll fill her so full of buckshot.

316. - Granny get rid of that thing.

317. They's comin' up the driveway.

318. - Is they draggin' tin cans behind the car?

319. - I couldn't tell. Put that gun away.

320. This situation calls for brains, not buckshot.

321. Be quiet, come on.

322. - For't near forgot yer pocketbook?

323. - Oh, those are some papers

324. Mr. Drysdale wants you to sign.

325. - Well, come on. Let's get in and get busy.

326. We got a lot to do.

327. Signin' and dancin' and gettin' better acquainted.

328. Well, I reckon the first thing I better do

329. is sign them papers you got fer me.

330. - Yes, yes, that's a good idea.

331. - She wearing a wedding ring?

332. - Wait 'til she gets her gloves off.

333. Don't see one.

334. - Good.

335. Then, they ain't been to the preacher.

336. - What is all them, anyway?

337. - Well, now this transfers your money

338. from one account to the other.

339. And this,

340. this is your last will and testament.

341. - They ain't been to the preacher,

342. but they been to the lawyer.

343. And that's just as bad.

344. - Or worse!

345. - We gotta stop him.

346. Oh! There ya are, Jed.

347. We been lookin' all over fer ya.

348. Ah, you give the doctor a terrible sight

349. disappearing like that.

350. - Doctor? - Yeah.

351. - He was afraid you mighta fell in the cistern again.

352. - What you talking about?

353. - Why, Jed Clampett, shame on you.

354. You know the doctor don't want you

355. to have nothing sharp.

356. - Pearl, what in the blue blazes—

357. - Now, now, now, don't get excited, Jed.

358. Doctor says it ain't good fer him to get excited.

359. - What are you, what are you-

360. - Oh, I almost forgot.

361. Come into the parlor. I got a surprise fer ya.

362. - A surprise?

363. - Come on.

364. - All right, what's the surprise?

365. - Well, the surprise is what Pearl and me found out

366. about that woman whilst you was gone.

367. - What'd you find out?

368. - She's a spy.

369. - A spy?

370. - Fer one of them foreign nations.

371. - Which one?

372. - Minneapolis,

373. or Wisconsin.

374. - Granny.

375. - Yeah, poor ol' fella.

376. He ain't been himself since that mule

377. kicked him in the head.

378. - What a shame.

379. - I thought he'd been givin' you that story

380. about havin' lots of money

381. and this house bein' his and all that.

382. - Well, I did get the impression

383. that he's a very wealthy man, yes.

384. - Pfft!

385. Don't have a cent.

386. Not a red penny to his name.

387. - Is that a fact? - Yeah.

388. - But it ain't his fault, poor ol' thing.

389. - He didn't mean no harm. - The mule kick.

390. - Shook a few things loose in the loft.

391. - Would you believe Kansas City, Illinois?

392. - Now, Granny,

393. I want you and Pearl to stop all this nonsense

394. and listen careful.

395. Now, you go out and round up Jethro and Elly May.

396. I want this whole family to get well acquainted

397. with Miss Buckles here,

398. because when you do,

399. I just might have an announcement to make.

400. - What about, Jed?

401. - You'll find out in due time, Pearl.

402. Now, you and Granny go on. Scoot.

403. This beautiful young lady here

404. is gonna teach me how to dance, city style.

405. - That's right, Mr. Drysdale.

406. We didn't know who else to call,

407. but we think this here woman

408. is trying to get Jed's money.

409. Well, she says her name is Gloria Buckles,

410. but I don't know- - What!

411. - What?

412. Oh, well. Yes, sir.

413. Yes, sir. We will.

414. Bye.

415. Mr. Drysdale must know that woman.

416. He's a comin' right over.

417. - Pa gonna marry up with her?

418. - Oh, child, we hope not.

419. We pray not.

420. - Why, Granny?

421. I got a look at her and boy, she's pretty.

422. - Beauty is only skin deep, son.

423. - Well, she must have awful deep skin,

424. because every place I could see was-

425. - Oh, never mind.

426. Now, Mr. Drysdale says

427. we's to keep her here 'til he comes.

428. - I'll watch her, Ma.

429. - You watch her car.

430. - How 'bout I throw her down and sit on her?

431. - That's a good idea. I'll sit with ya'.

432. - Now, Jed ain't gonna hold still fer nothin' rough.

433. Now, Elly, you and Jethro keep an eye on things.

434. Granny and me's gonna do some plottin' and thinkin'.

435. - What'd you say this one was called?

436. - This is called the twist.

437. - If a fella was to dance this in the fresh plowed field,

438. he'd auger his way right into the ground, wouldn't he?

439. Hey, Jethro, come on in. You wanna dance?

440. I'd rather dance with her, Uncle Jed.

441. - That's what I had in mind, boy.

442. Miss Buckles,

443. this here is my nephew Jethro.

444. - Hi.

445. - You teach him that there twist

446. and I'll teach it to Elly May.

447. This is my daughter I been telling you about.

448. - Oh, what a beautiful child.

449. You and I are going to be such good chums.

450. - Ma'am, I think he meant for ya to dance with me.

451. - We're in time, chief. There's my car.

452. - Yes, now where's your protege?

453. That loyal, devoted, hard-working, gold digger?

454. - I still can't believe it. So shy, so retiring.

455. - Hmm.

456. She'll be retiring if she hooks Jed Clampett.

457. - Come on, Pa!

458. - Yee-ha!

459. - Go, Uncle Jed.

460. - This is fun!

461. - Jethro, I reckon you better answer that door.

462. - Okay, Uncle Jed.

463. Oh, howdy.

464. - Oh, how do you do, ma'am? I'm sorry to intrude.

465. - Howdy, folks.

466. Come on in, dig yourselves a hole.

467. - Gloria Buckles.

468. - Huh? Where, where, where?

469. - There.

470. - Oh my, it is.

471. You imposter.

472. - Jezebel.

473. - You gold digger.

474. - I have a bulletin for you two.

475. You better be nice to me, or else after my wedding

476. you may lose your largest depositor.

477. - Wedding?

478. - Mr. Clampett,

479. have things gotten as far

480. as actually discussing marriage with this woman?

481. - Well, yes, Mr. Drysdale, they have.

482. Her and me had a nice long talk about it

483. and that's the reason I brung her home

484. so she could, meet the family and kinda get acquainted.

485. - But, but-

486. - This pretty, young, city woman

487. says that unless she can marry a mountain man

488. she just ain't gonna get married at all.

489. I think we all agree that'd be a terrible waste.

490. - Should we set the date now, Jed?

491. - Well, yeah, near as we can.

492. I'd say, everybody willing,

493. that'd be in about, three or four years.

494. - Three or four years?

495. - Yeah, it'll be that long before Jethro's 21.

496. - Jethro? - Jethro?

497. - Hot diggity dog! I got me a woman!

498. - Jed!

499. - Bring him back!

500. - Pa, ain't you gonna marry up with that city woman?

501. - No, Elly.

502. Us old foxes is trap shy,

503. especially when the bait goes to chasin' us.