The Beverly Hillbillies 1x16

Directed by Richard Whorf

Bea Benaderet as Cousin Pearl Bodine • Frank Wilcox as John Brewster • Phil Gordon as Jasper "Jazzbo" Depew • Gloria Marshall as Airline Hostess • Linda Henning as Jethrine Bodine (voice)

The Clampetts pack up to return to Beverly Hills, so Jethrine tries to pack Jazzbo Depew. Elly says goodbye to her animals. Back in Beverly Hills, Miss Hathaway dresses the vamp to meet Jethro at the airport. Once home the feuding starts between Granny and Pearl over who's running Granny's kitchen.

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1. - "The Beverly Hillbillies"

2. - That's fine right there Mr. Brewster

3. - Jethro! Here, you can start bringing them things out now.

4. - Oh boy, I can't wait to get back to California.

5. I ain't been warm free through since we got here.

6. - Jethro, take it easy.

7. We've been sleeping on a higher floor.

8. It'd be awful nice to get in the warm bed for a change.

9. - I'll take it Jethro.

10. - I said take it easy. Brandy ready?

11. - Yeah, she's just putting on her

12. gators. I'll bring it right out.

13. - Well, I hope you'll come visit us in California.

14. We'd be mighty glad to see you.

15. Especially Pearl, her and Kathrine's coming to stay with us.

16. - Let me get my shoes on you big overgrown moose.

17. - You can put it on in the car, granny. We's in a hurry.

18. - We can't leave until someone finds Elly May.

19. - Well where is she?

20. - She, she took to the woods early this morning

21. with those two timber wolves that

22. she's let sleep under her bed.

23. - Aw, fine. By doggies its a good thing we're leaving.

24. one more night and she'd be baying at the moon.

25. - And you two rascals is going to stay away from

26. Maggie and her family, you hear me? Is it a deal?

27. All right, now don't you forget it.

28. You seen 'em, Maggie give their word. What's more,

29. Frieda's gonna keep an eagle eye on them,

30. and if they go's to pestering you,

31. she's gonna snatch them bald. Aint you Freida?

32. I wish you could come to Beverly Hills, live with us

33. but I reckon it'd be too long of a trip

34. for you and your youngling. I'll come back

35. and see you in the Spring.

36. - Ellie May?

37. - Over here, pop.

38. - You got them wolves with you?

39. - Oh, they won't pester you none.

40. That no biting promise goes for my pa too.

41. - Hello there, Maggie. Hey honey.

42. Mr. Brewster is waiting and we got to pick

43. up Pearl and Kathrine and drive clean to the airport.

44. Pearl and Mr. Brewster are getting married?

45. - Well, no, not yet. Maybe never, but Pearl's satisfied.

46. Everyone in town's seen him propose to her.

47. Now she can leave town with her chin

48. up and your head thrown back, proud and happy.

49. I bet you cousin Kathrine ain't happy.

50. She said she ain't going to California

51. and leave her sweetie Jazzbo Depew.

52. She's powerful in love with that little feller.

53. - Well, I reckon Kathrine will do pretty

54. much what her mom tells her to.

55. That Pearl's a mighty strong willed woman.

56. - Kathrine it's pretty near time for them to pick us up.

57. Now no more sulking, you're coming to California.

58. I don't want to hear no more argument about it.

59. - Okay ma, I'm coming.

60. - What in the world have you got there?

61. - A trunk, ma.

62. - Well, I can see that, but what you got in it?

63. - Well, I got some clothes and some shoes

64. a-and some food and some water. I forgot the water.

65. - Water? Well I-

66. Jazzbo Lewpew!

67. - Mrs. Boudine? That daughter of yours

68. is a mighty strong-willed girl.

69. - Did she put you in there?

70. - I think so. I told I couldn't go to California

71. with her and that's the last thing I remember.

72. - Mom! Don't let him get away!

73. - Kathrine you put him down. This Minute!

74. What's the matter with you? Why that poor boy

75. could suffocate in that trunk without no air.

76. Kathrine am I gonna have to take a switch to you.

77. - Kathrine, honey, like I told you,

78. I can't just pick up and go. I've

79. got a big business going here.

80. Well, couldn't you be a traveling salesman in California?

81. - Darling, it's taken me years to build up this territory.

82. And this is my big selling season where I can knock

83. down a hundred dollars in the next two or three months,

84. and a fella don't walk away from a goal of mine like that.

85. - He's talking sense Kathrine.

86. - But Uncle Jed's a millionaire and

87. cousin Ellis says they got plenty of room

88. in that mansion where he could stay there with us.

89. - Kathrine! I got my pride. Well, I'd rather die

90. than take charity from my sweetheart's kinfolk.

91. - Oh well, you can write to one another.

92. - Of course, and I'll be here when you get back.

93. (Phone rings) - Oh, now there they are.

94. Now Kathrine, you get ready to leave.

95. Well Mr. Brewster, oh I thought it was my boy Jethro.

96. Cousin Jed come to pick up the suitcase

97. Well, no, I, I asked him to let me come for them.

98. I, well you see, this, uh, may

99. be my last chance to see you alone for a moment.

100. - Alone? You? Me? Us? Why would you?

101. - Well, first I want to thank you

102. for publicly breaking our engagement.

103. After I lost my head, as I did last night.

104. - Oh, shucks. I didn't mean it when I said yes

105. it was just nerves and excitement at the moment.

106. - Well, you were very sweet about it.

107. But now that my head is clear and I'm thinking straight

108. I realized, I couldn't get married right now.

109. - Well, some man would lose a wonderful wife.

110. - My goodness I, I got family obligations, you know.

111. My cousin Jed's been after me three or

112. four months to come to Beverly Hills,

113. to get that vile daughter of his proper dressed

114. and acting like a lady.

115. - I'm going to miss you Mrs. Boudine.

116. - Yes well he's in desperate need of me.

117. I don't know what came over me last evening but

118. I had a good night's sleep and in the morning, coffee,

119. gotten my wicks together, well I could

120. just laugh at myself for-for even considering marriage.

121. - Ms. Boudine, I just want to say that

122. I think you're a splendid woman

123. and I'm sure our paths will cross again.

124. And well I'd consider it a, a great honor

125. if you'd allow me to kiss you goodbye.

126. - Kiss me? Well I hardly think

127. there'd be anything wrong with that.

128. - Hi Mr. Brewster. Is that you auntie Pearl?

129. - Oh my. Elly May. Uh, Kathrine's in there

130. saying goodbye to her sweetie, Jazzbo Depew.

131. So why don't you go in and say goodbye to him too?

132. - Well, All right, I ain't never met him.

133. - Kathrine, You're just going to have to

134. get it through your head.

135. I cannot go to California and that's that.

136. - Howdy.

137. - Oh, hi cousin Elly. This here's my sweetie, Jazzbo Depew.

138. - Howdy Jazzbo.

139. - And a great big howdy to you.

140. This girl is the cousin you've been telling me about?

141. - Yeah Jazzbo. She's the one we'll

142. be staying with in California.

143. - Well, poke me another air hole baby and let's go.

144. - Oh, good morning chief.

145. - Morning. Well, I just had a call from Brewster and Tulsa.

146. The Clampetts are on their way home.

147. - Jethro? Oh, I mean the Clampetts.

148. - Yes, and their bringing a cousin and her daughter along.

149. That'll be six of them. I think

150. I better order an extra limousine.

151. - Chief, if I may suggest, a personal touch

152. is very important to these people

153. and they are the bank's largest depositors

154. I would be happy to volunteer my car and myself.

155. I can take at least half the load, Jethro, and the luggage.

156. See chief, I have bucket seats

157. and Jethro is quite a bucket full.

158. How's about a three piece chief?

159. - Fine. Be ready to leave the airport about noon.

160. - haut t on deux mon capitiane.

161. - Time to leave for the airport Ms. Hathaway.

162. - Right.

163. - Don't be alarmed chief. This is just for the Clampetts.

164. I have no intention of disrupting office discipline

165. with my seductive appearance.

166. - What a remarkable change.

167. - Three hours in the beauty salon.

168. - Tell me, are you busy tonight?

169. - Ohhoho!

170. - Because if you aren't I'd like to work

171. and make up those three hours.

172. - They could have missed the plane.

173. - Oh, impossible.

174. Brewster phoned me after he put them on board.

175. - Oh, miss, are there any more passengers aboard?

176. - Oh, yes. There are 6, well they appear to be hillbillies.

177. - Anything wrong with them?

178. - Oh no. You see, we served lunch before we arrived,

179. and they refused to leave the plane

180. until they helped do the dishes. And we served 120 lunches.

181. - Well here they come.

182. - Flight 201 for Chicago and New York

183. is now loading at the east concourse.

184. - Thank you for sharing your food with us.

185. - Well thank you for doing the dishes.

186. - You sure you don't want us to wash the windows?

187. It won't take long if we all pitch in.

188. - Mr. Drysdale Howdy. Welcome home Mr. Clampett.

189. - This here is my cousin, Pearl Bodine.

190. - Oh, howdy Mr. Drysdale. Oh, excuse my wet hand.

191. - Oh, it's quite all right.

192. Well, how did you enjoy your plane ride?

193. I don't believe it, I plain don't believe it.

194. It's a miracle.

195. - Oh that ain't nothing. You ain't see nothing Pearl.

196. Wait till we ride on that escalator.

197. - Well, my car is out in the front Mr. Clampitt.

198. - Come on.

199. - Mon amor.

200. - That aint my name. Who are you?

201. - I am a wild and mysterious gypsy.

202. I have come to take you away to my gypsy camp.

203. - You got some food there? Well,

204. I can't stay long but I am kind of hungry.

205. and come and wash all them dishes gave my quite an appetite.

206. Jed! Them stairs is moving.

207. We're having a California earthquake!

208. - Now calm down Pearl, Them stairs is

209. supposed to move like that.

210. - What for?

211. I dunno. But that's what they call an escalator.

212. Last time I was here, they was moving the other way.

213. - Well, we aint gonna get on them crazy stairs.

214. - Aw, come on Pearl, once you're on them you'll like it.

215. - Welcome home, Elly Mae.

216. - Howdy, Mr Drysdale.

217. - Hello Granny.

218. - Thank you.

219. - Well, where's Kathrine?

220. - Last I saw of her she was still eating.

221. - Well, not that wasn't bad, was it?

222. - No, it was fun! Lets go up and ride down again.

223. - Look Pearl, It's fun all right. But it just

224. aint worth fighting your way back upstream

225. - Jeth! This place is haunted.

226. A ghost just went through that door.

227. - That ain't no ghost Pearl. That's what they call

228. a um, electric eye. They got them all over out here.

229. - Well, you go first. I ain't taking

230. no chances on crowding a spook.

231. - Well howdy there.

232. - So this is California. It's so warm

233. and the air smells different from the mountains.

234. - Yep. Looks different too. Out here

235. you can see what you're breathing.

236. - Yeah. Got a lot of body to it.

237. - I tell you Pearl, some days you can cut it with a knife.

238. Don't try it because it gets the knife awful smudgy.

239. We can wait here in Mr. Drysdale's

240. car until the rest of them come.

241. - I'll go with mark and take the

242. luggage around to the servant's entrance.

243. - I can't believe it.

244. I've seen pictures, but I just

245. can't believe it. It ain't real

246. - It's real, ma.

247. - Kathrine, don't you knock no

248. holes in your uncle Jed's mansion.

249. - Ah, she can't hurt it Pearl.

250. - Wait till you see inside, Pearl.

251. It's the biggest bunch of indoors you ever did see.

252. - Why, I-it's a palace.

253. They just ain't no other word for it.

254. It's a gosh dang palace.

255. - How do you get it started Uncle Jed?

256. - Get what started?

257. - These here stairs aint they like the ones at the airport?

258. - Ah, you've got to climb those yourself.

259. - Come on Kathrine, I'll show you upstairs.

260. - Granny? How do you ever wash that thing?

261. - Aint washed it yet Pearl.

262. - Oh, well, don't you worry. I'll do it.

263. - Uh, pearl, uh, now this here's

264. what you call a drawing room. Now wait till

265. you see this piano, this whole thing is hand painted.

266. See pearl. Ain't that just about the prettiest piano

267. you ever did see. Its' got pictures on it.

268. - Hm.

269. Hm. Look at the dust.

270. - Granny, did you run up them curtains?

271. - No they was here when we came.

272. - Well, soon as we get settled, I'll run up some new ones.

273. Windows ain't been washed in weeks.

274. - Well, uh, Pearl, You know, this is a mighty big house.

275. It'd take a miracle woman to get it all done.

276. - Looks like I've come just in time, huh?

277. Where's the kitchen, Jed?

278. - I'll show you.

279. - 32 rooms in his house.

280. And something tells me he it ain't going to be big enough.

281. - Where's aunt Pearl?

282. - Oh, her and granny's in that other

283. room they call a Butler's pantry.

284. - This is a nice enough kitchen granny, but it

285. sure ain't as big as you led me to believe.

286. - Pearl, this-

287. - Where in the world is the stove?

288. - This stove is-

289. - These here is the barest cupboard I ever did see.

290. But I reckon if you aint got a stove you don't need one.

291. - This room is-

292. - Well Pearl, what do you think?

293. - Well I think I should've brought my cooler on stow.

294. - For you information Mrs. Pearl, we got gas.

295. - Well I don't wonder, eating nothing but uncooked food.

296. Your pump- it's stuck tight it ain't been used in so long.

297. - Pearl.

298. - You know granny, we got a lot

299. of work to do to get this kitchen in shape.

300. - Granny, did you tell Pearl this is a kitchen?

301. - I ain't been able to tell Pearl nothing.

302. She won't quit flapping her trap long enough.

303. - Pearl, come on. This here's the kitchen.

304. That there is what they call a pantry.

305. - My stars and garters

306. Why, a person could feed an army in here

307. And the way those two youngins of yours eat,

308. that's just what you'll have to do here.

309. - Ah, Pearl, Look at this stove here.

310. All you have to do to get fire is

311. turn one of them little things right here

312. Without lighting no matches or nothing.

313. Now look at here.

314. The here lights this one here.

315. And this one here lights this one.

316. And this one lights this one here.

317. And this one lights this one.

318. What do you think of that, Pearl?

319. - I Declare. I'm just speechless.

320. - That'll be the day.

321. - Pearl, look at this icebox here.

322. Just take a look, you ever seen anything like this before?

323. Just look at that.

324. - Well, I don't like to mention it yet

325. but somebody left the light a burning in there.

326. I reckon some people just don't care how they

327. waste other people's money.

328. - The light comes on when you open the door.

329. - You don't say.

330. - He pretty near didn't with you pounding your gums.

331. - Kathrine wants to know where's the suitcases,

332. especially the big one with the sandwiches in it.

333. - Well Jethro said he'd bring in the suitcases. Jethro?

334. What happened to my boy? Where is Jethro?

335. - Well, the last time I seen him a

336. dark-haired gypsy woman was a-taking him away.

337. - Gypsies got him?

338. My baby's been carried off by the gypsies!

339. - Don't worry Pearl. One meal and

340. they'll carry him right back.

341. - All right, he might be a little bit mixed up.

342. Besides, Jethro is big enough to take care of himself.

343. - Yes, Mama's in here.

344. - My baby! Where you been?

345. With a gypsy woman. We stopped to get something to eat.

346. - I told you one meal and they'd bring him back.

347. - You Gypsy kidnapper. I'm gonna snatch you both!

348. - Ms. Hathaway?

349. - What you doing being a gypsy?

350. - Just a little harmless fun Mr. Clampett.

351. When Jethro failed to recognize me,

352. I couldn't resist continuing the masquerade.

353. - Ma. This here's Ms. Hathaway, Mr. Drysdale's secretary.

354. - I'm happy to know you, Mrs. Bodine.

355. I brought your son back safe and sound.

356. - Well thank you. Yeah. Here's your hair back.

357. - How about staying for supper Ms. Hathaway?

358. - Oh, well I wouldn't want to be any trouble.

359. - I figured a little company at

360. the table wouldn't be much trouble.

361. - You should taste Granny's sweet potato pie.

362. Ain't nobody can make sweet potato pie like my ma.

363. And now they is both very fine, extra good cooks

364. but, Pearl not knowing her way around the kitchen.I reckon.

365. - Well, don't you worry none about that, Dan.

366. I'll have this kitchen put in order in no time.

367. - It ain't out of order.

368. - You get rid of the ants, I'll start the cooking.

369. - What ants?

370. - Start with your aunt Pearl.

371. - Well I like that.

372. - I bet you you won't like what I'm going to say next.

373. Girls, I got an idea.

374. Now Pearl, you know, there aint nothing more

375. soothing and appetizing than a mess

376. of piano playing and sweet singing before supper.

377. but I figured a body can't be doing

378. that and cooking at the same time.

379. No, I don't think they highly could Jeth.

380. Now if somebody would get Mr. Drysdale,

381. We'll all sit around while supper's cooking and listen

382. to the kind of music that has made the name

383. of Bodine famous from Oxford to your Ricky Spring.

384. - Oh pa, it's pretty near suppertime.

385. Want me to start setting the table?

386. - Yeah, and let's use that big company table

387. and the fancy eating room.

388. - Okay, pa, will you help me get the chairs around it?

389. - Why sure.

390. Leave the door open so we can hear the music.

391. - Okay pa.

392. - I'm kind of glad we got company

393. so we can show off this fine eating table.

394. - We ain't used it since thanksgiving.

395. - Has granny figured out a way

396. to get the glove unstuck yet?

397. - No she ain't, pa. She even tried to steam it off.

398. Couldn't get it loose. She said if she didn't know better

399. she'd think someone stuck it down on purpose.

400. - Well, I'm glad I got all my pool sticks notched.

401. They'll come in real handy. See.

402. If you found something out there you want

403. you can reach for it and get it

404. or pass it without bothering the fella sitting next to you.

405. - Yeah. The good thing about this table

406. is things can't go sliding off.

407. - Oh, I got to tell granny, since we're going to

408. use this table, she can meet the vittles right in the pots.

409. Now you see, Pearl getting fancy.

410. - Did you ever see anyone

411. bake a fluffier pie than that one?

412. - Hm. Some folks don't know that

413. cake is fluffy and pie is juicy.

414. - It fell. You did that on purpose Pearl Bodine.

415. - My pie can't fall.

416. - It can't huh? Just did.

417. - Granny. Why you,

418. - Pearl? I aint never heard you play the piano any prettier

419. than you were playing it right, you ain't playing the piano.

420. - You betcha I aint.

421. - I feel the same way, Kathrine.

422. - Mr. Drysdale, have I got enough money to take everybody

423. out to a nice eating place?

424. Mr. Klampett, with your money, you can buy

425. the finest restaurant in Beverly Hills

426. - Before the battle is over,

427. that's just what I might have to do.

428. come on everybody.