1. - "The Beverly Hillbillies."
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2. - How long do you reckon it'll take us
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3. to get home, Pa?
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4. - Jethro figures, about
six days hard drivin'.
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5. Where are you going with that wood?
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6. - Well, Granny wants it on the truck.
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7. - Put it down.
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8. With all the wood we
got back in the cabin,
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9. we sure ain't going to haul
none from Beverly Hills.
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10. - Oh, she says it's for on the way.
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11. - On the way?
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12. Granny, what in the world are you doing?
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13. - I'm making sure we
don't freeze to death.
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14. - But it's warm here.
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15. - It won't be when we
get to the mountains.
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16. - You figured you keep that
thing burning for six days?
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17. - And six nights.
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18. Don't forget it's December
every other place but here.
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19. Dag-blain Californy, the
weather is as mixed up
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20. as the people.
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21. I'll be glad when I get back
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22. where there's some snow and ice.
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23. - I can't wait to see Ma and Jethrene.
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24. - Yeah, it'll be mighty
fine Christmas present
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25. for your ma and my sister,
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26. us droppin' in on them like this.
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27. - Now, tell me again,
exactly what did Marie say.
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28. - She simply said the Clampetts
were loading their truck
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29. and appeared to be moving out.
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30. - Why? What could have happened?
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31. Who offended them?
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32. Whoever it was, I'll have them
driven out of Beverly Hills.
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33. - Chief, chief, don't get so upset.
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34. I know a man with $25 million in your bank
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35. is important to you.
- Is that why you think
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36. I'm upset, because Jed Clampett
has 25 million in my bank?
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37. - Isn't it?
- Of course not.
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38. The thing that upsets me is the fact
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39. he might take it out.
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40. (audience laughs)
Faster! Faster!
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41. - I don't know whatever happened
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42. to the key to that door,
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43. but I reckon with all
our stuff out of there,
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44. ain't nothing left
anybody that wanna take,
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45. except some old pictures.
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46. - Oh, Miss Hathaway says a couple
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47. of them pictures is Rembrandt.
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48. - Alright. After Christmas,
we'll see he gets them back.
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49. Let her roll.
(audience laughs)
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50. - Stop! Stop! What, what,
where are you going?
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51. - Going home.
- What?
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52. Please, you can't go away
and leave me like this.
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53. - All right, climb on. I
reckon we got room for you.
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54. - Oh, thank heavens, we
caught you before you left.
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55. - Granny, is there room
for two back there?
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56. - Yeah. If they want to
squat next to the stove.
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57. - No, we don't want to go with you.
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58. We want you to stay here.
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59. - We'll be back after Christmas.
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60. - Oh, Mr. Clampett,
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61. if-if you want to go home for Christmas,
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62. let me make the arrangements.
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63. I'll have you there tonight.
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64. - Tonight?
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65. - Clean back home?
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66. - Yes and you'll arrive in style, too.
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67. Oh, Miss Hathaway, I
think Granny and Elly May
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68. should have mink coats
for the trip, do you?
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69. - Of course.
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70. - Well, let's go take care of
it and the reservations, too.
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71. Mr. Clampett, you start
unloading the truck
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72. and leave everything to us.
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73. You'll be home in five
to six hours on a jet.
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74. Let's go.
- Yes.
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75. - What's a jet, Pa?
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76. - I don't know. A bus or jitney, I reckon.
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77. (audience laughs)
- It'll get us there tonight?
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78. - You heard what he said.
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79. Well, that will be a surprise to Pearl.
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80. - Uncle Jed, it took us six
days to get out of here.
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81. How are we going to get back
home in five or six hours?
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82. - That bus driver must know
a doozy of a short cut.
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83. - Pat, have we got plenty
of champagne and caviar?
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84. - I guess so. Why?
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85. - The entire first class
section has been reserved
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86. for a family of VIPs, the Clampetts.
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87. - Wow.
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88. - Young ladies, I presume
you've been advised
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89. of special arrangements
for the Clampett family.
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90. - Oh, yes.
- Oh, yes, indeed.
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91. - Certainly have.
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92. - Here they come now.
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93. - Oh, get a load of those minks.
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94. - Yeah.
- Granny, Elly May,
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95. right this way.
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96. I'm sure you'll be quite comfortable
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97. in the lounge, this way.
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98. - Uh-oh. How did they get passed the gate?
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99. - Let's get them out of here
before the Clampetts see them.
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100. I'm afraid you're in the wrong section.
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101. May I see your tickets, please?
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102. - Well, I don't think we got any.
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103. Say, this bus sure is fancy.
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104. - Bus?
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105. - You came to the wrong place.
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106. You want the bus station.
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107. Now, just go back the way you came
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108. and ask for the traveler's aid.
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109. Now, they'll help you.
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110. - Oh, yeah, thank you, ma'am.
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111. Granny. Elly May. Come on,
we're on the wrong bus.
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112. - Mr. Clampett, what's the trouble?
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113. - This is Mr. Clampett?
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114. - Of course, right this way. Jethro.
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115. Here, Jethro, keep the tickets.
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116. Now, Mr. Clampett,
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117. you have the money Mr. Drysdale gave you?
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118. - Yes, ma'am, right here.
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119. - A limousine will meet you
and take you to Pearl's house,
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120. and Mr. Drysdale is phoning
ahead to Mr. Brewster
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121. to be sure your cabin is in order.
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122. - Oh, don't let him give
away his surprise to Pearl.
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123. - Oh, he won't.
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124. Well, happy landing.
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125. Merry Christmas and au revoir.
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126. - Merry Christmas to you, too.
- Merry Christmas.
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127. - And, Jethro, here's something for you
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128. if you promise to bring it back to me.
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129. Take good care of them,
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130. and remember the tall, young,
good looking one is mine.
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131. - May I have your coat?
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132. - My coat?
- Please.
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133. - Well, it's brand sparkin' new.
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134. - Well, I'll take good care of it.
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135. - Well, it's Christmas.
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136. I got my rheumatism
medicine to keep me warm.
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137. You can have it.
(audience laughs)
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138. - May I take your coat, please?
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139. - Should I, Pa?
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140. - Well, I reckon not.
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141. We don't mind sharing with folks,
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142. but when they get grabby
and wantin' everything,
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143. well, we just got to mule up and say no.
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144. If you can't afford to
buy a coat of your own,
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145. here, you just peel off whatever you need.
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146. - Oh, no, Mr. Clampett, you misunderstood.
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147. We just want to hang the coats up.
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148. We don't want you to give them to us.
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149. - Oh, that's very neighborly of you.
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150. - Thank you very much.
- Sure.
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151. Now, if you'll all be seated over here
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152. until we get underway.
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153. - Come on, lets go.
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154. - Now, fasten your belt.
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155. - Well, I ain't wearing one,
ma'am, just my galluses.
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156. - I meant your seat belts.
(engine rumbling)
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157. - Whoo-doggies. This is a fancy bus.
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158. Looks like the bus is
commencin' to pull out.
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159. - Now, we'll see if this bus driver
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160. knows an all-fire, fancy shortcut.
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161. - Elly, lets you and me watch the road
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162. so we can remember it.
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163. - Okay, Jethro.
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164. - If you ask me, this bus
driver of ours is lost.
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165. He just keeps a-circlin' and a-turnin'.
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166. - I ain't noticed no shortcut yet.
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167. - Me neither.
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168. - Listen to him a-racin' that engine.
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169. - Yeah. But the wheels must
be spinning in the mud.
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170. We ain't moving.
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171. - He got her out of the mud.
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172. - Yeah. We're moving now.
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173. - Lickety-split, too.
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174. - By doggies, if he gets
to going much faster,
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175. this thing's gonna leave the ground.
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176. - Don't look now, but it
is leaving the ground.
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177. - Jethro, you better get up there
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178. and tell that bus driver to slow down.
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179. - We ain't got time for that.
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180. Let's get off of this thing
'fore it gets any higher.
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181. - Now, wasn't that a smooth takeoff?
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182. - You may unfasten your seat
belts any time you like.
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183. Would you folks, like
some champagne and caviar?
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184. Or would you prepare a nice hot meal?
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185. - We have steak, chicken,
fish. Anything you like.
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186. - Oh, no. Thanks.
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187. We had some grits and
jowls before we left home.
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188. - Perhaps you'd like to relax
then and take a little nap.
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189. - There.
- Whoops.
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190. - Whoo-doggies. Granny,
ain't that something.
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191. - It's good for my rheumatis.
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192. - Now, if there's anything
else that we can do
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193. to make your trip more comfortable,
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194. just press the little button.
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195. - And we'll be right here.
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196. - Them girls ain't a bit scared.
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197. - Sure is friendly, too,
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198. offering to share their food with us.
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199. - Makes me feel ashamed.
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200. We didn't let them keep our coats.
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201. - Do you want me to go up
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202. and talk to the bus driver, Uncle Jed?
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203. - Nah, I reckon not, Jethro.
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204. Don't nobody else seems skittish,
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205. and we don't want folks to think
this is our first bus ride.
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206. - Jed?
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207. - Yeah, Granny.
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208. - It sure will be nice to
see snow again, won't it?
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209. - That's the truth.
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210. Christmas just don't seem
like Christmas without it.
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211. - And Pearl's house is always
special pretty in the snow.
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212. - She sure is gonna be surprised
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213. when we all come tromping
in there tonight.
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214. - Howdy, Pearl.
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215. - Homer Winch, when are you gonna learn
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216. not to walk in to a body's house
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217. without a body inviting you?
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218. - Well, I rang and you didn't come.
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219. - You, you didn't give
me time, you old coot.
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220. Now, don't you ever do that again.
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221. Get out of my parlor.
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222. - I like you when you're
mad, Pearl. (laughs)
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223. You're an excitin' woman.
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224. - Homer, you get out of here.
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225. I don't have time for your foolishness.
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226. Jethrene and me's going to Californy
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227. to spend Christmas with Cousin Jed.
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228. - Well, I reckon you don't care to hear
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229. what I got to say.
- That's right.
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230. - About Mr. Brewster.
- Mr. Brewster?
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231. - Yeah, that tall,
good-looking city feller
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232. that works for the oil company.
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233. Drives that big car.
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234. - W-w-what about him? Is he in town?
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235. - I've been ordered
from your parlor, Pearl.
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236. - I think I'd best be going.
- Homer. Homer.
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237. (laughs) I didn't mean it.
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238. Please, Homer, you tell
me about Mr. Brewster,
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239. and I'll bake you a sweet potato pie.
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240. - Well.
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241. - And for dessert,
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242. Red Horse swimming in elderberry wine.
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243. - You're an exciting
woman, Pearl. (laughs)
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244. - Now tell me.
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245. - Well, he stopped over at the emporium
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246. to get some cheese and crackers.
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247. said he was gonna be over
at Jed's cabin alone all day
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248. and he didn't have no food.
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249. - Well, thank you, Homer. Merry Christmas.
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250. - Now, wait, wait, wait a minute, Pearl.
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251. You ain't gonna do me our
of my tater pie, are you?
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252. - Well, of course not. You'll get it.
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253. - Well, when? When?
- Well, I'll let you know.
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254. I'm busy right now. Bye, Homer.
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255. - Ding, dang, darn it, I done it again.
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256. Let some pretty woman
twist me around her finger.
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257. I hate to go home.
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258. Momma is gonna give me the dickens.
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259. - Jed.
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260. - Yeah, Granny.
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261. - I just had a terrible thought.
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262. - What's that?
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263. - Suppose we get to Pearl's
house and she ain't there?
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264. - Where would she be?
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265. - Out chasing that Brewster
feller, that's where.
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266. - Ah, she's ain't likely to catch him
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267. in her horse and buggy.
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268. - Whoa, Bessie.
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269. Now, Bessie, I play my cards right,
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270. you get to keep that
there blanket permanent
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271. 'cause I'm going to have something else
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272. to keep me warm, a husband.
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273. (giggles) Ain't that a
beautiful word, a husband.
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274. Husband, and what's more,
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275. I'll be riding in that
big fancy automobile.
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276. So you can retire to pasture
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277. with that good looking race
horse from Hot Springs.
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278. - Well, I thought I heard a horse.
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279. Mrs. Bodine, won't you come in?
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280. - Well, thank you.
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281. It's a mighty cold today, ain't it?
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282. - Yes, it is. Oh, it's
nice to see you again.
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283. I, I'm sorry, it's so called in here.
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284. I didn't bother to build
a fire in the fireplace
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285. and I'm afraid that kerosene stove
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286. doesn't put out much heat.
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287. - Well, I can't stay but a minute.
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288. I just came by to give you
this and say, Merry Christmas.
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289. - Well, thank you. Oh, you shouldn't have.
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290. - Oh, it's just something
that I made myself.
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291. - Oh, that's nice.
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292. - Land to mercy! Look at this place.
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293. Why, you men just can't
manage alone, can you?
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294. It takes a woman.
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295. - Oh, please don't
bother. I won't be here.
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296. You see, I'm going home
to Tulsa for the holidays.
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297. - I won't go to no trouble.
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298. I'll just throw together a little snack
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299. and while you're eating,
I'll tidy up a bit.
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300. - Ah, this is
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301. the most fantastic miracle I've ever seen,
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302. the way you produced this
banquet right out of thin air.
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303. Ham, fried chicken, roast pork
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304. and this delicious sweet potato pie.
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305. - (chuckles) That's my own special recipe.
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306. Here, wash it down with some Red Horse
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307. and elderberry win- uh, juice.
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308. (audience laughs)
- Well, thank you.
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309. Mm-mm. Oh, that is sensational juice.
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310. But, Mrs. Bodine, I really, I
just can't eat another bite.
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311. Why, Mrs. Bodine, what have
you done to this cabin?
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312. - Oh, do you see a difference?
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313. - And where did you get those curtains?
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314. - Well, I just run up
while you was eating.
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315. - Really, you are a remarkable woman.
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316. You cook, you sew, you're
a wonderful housekeeper.
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317. - And, and I love it. It
ain't work to me at all.
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318. It's pure enjoyment.
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319. - Mrs. Bodine, I know that
this must seem awfully sudden
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320. to you and I-I know you have lots of ties
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321. and lots of activities here in the hills,
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322. but I was wondering do you think
you could possibly be happy
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323. living in a city like Tulsa?
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324. - Tulsa? That's where you live, ain't it?
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325. - Yes, I have a very nice home there, but,
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326. frankly, it needs you, and
I think Mother will agree.
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327. - You want me to meet your m-mother?
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328. - Well, actually, it isn't necessary.
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329. I know Mother will approve of my choice.
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330. You don't have to give me
your answer immediately.
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331. - You just think it over.
- Yeah, yes.
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332. - That's my, that's my answer. Yes.
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333. - Oh, but we haven't even discussed money.
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334. - I'll give you every cent I make.
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335. - Mrs. Bodine, as my housekeeper,
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336. I will be paying you.
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337. - Housekeeper?
(audience laughs)
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338. - That and caring for Mother.
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339. Coincidentally, Mother is just going
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340. to love this elderberry juice.
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341. What's the matter?
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342. Did I do something?
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343. - You sure did.
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344. You let me cook for you.
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345. You let me sew for you.
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346. Hand me the ham.
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347. And You let me houseclean for you.
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348. Now, then, I don't know what it takes
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349. to get engaged in Tulsa,
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350. but in these here hills,
you've done enough
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351. to get yourself promised,
hitched and honeymooned.
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352. - Really, uh, uh, Mrs.
Bodine, I-I didn't mean to.
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353. - I'm going to Beverly Hills
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354. to spend Christmas with my cousin Jed,
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355. and when I tell him what you've done,
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356. he ain't gonna take kindly to it.
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357. - What? Mrs. Bodine, I
give you my word that I-
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358. - You give me my hand-knit socks.
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359. Your feet can't get no colder
than they are right now.
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360. - They're sleeping like babies.
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361. - Do you think we should
wake them for the movie?
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362. - I don't know.
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363. The latest super western
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364. is just the kind of picture they'd enjoy.
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365. - Well, why don't we start
it and if they wake up, fine.
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366. - Good idea.
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367. - Huh, what? What?
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368. - We's back on the ground.
- Good.
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369. - Look through that front window.
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370. We's chasing some fellers.
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371. - They shooting at us.
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372. - Exciting, isn't it?
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373. - Get down!
- Oh!
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374. - You was right in their line of fire.
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375. - What's going on?
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376. - Whatever it is, I'm getting in on it.
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377. - Oh.
(audience laughs)
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378. - But, Mr. Drysdale,
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379. Pearl is on her way to
California to see them.
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380. - Well, can you catch her in time?
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381. - Oh, I think so.
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382. She's driving a horse and buggy.
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383. I'll tell her, her family is on the way.
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384. - No, no. This is a surprise.
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385. - Well, then what'll I say?
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386. - Well, say anything to keep her there
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387. until the Clampetts arrive.
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388. Now, get over to Pearl's.
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389. - Oh, no, she, she might misconstrued it.
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390. You see, I have a very
delicate situation here.
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391. - Yes, you certainly have.
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392. And if you spoil Jed
Clampett's Christmas surprise,
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393. he'll cut off your oil.
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394. - But, but Pearl might
think I want to marry.
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395. - Merry
Christmas to you, too. Bye.
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396. - Hello. Hello? Oh, boy.
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397. - Here's the sweet potato
pie and Red Horse I promised.
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398. - Hey, there's a piece of this pie missing
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399. and a gulp or two of this Red Horse.
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400. Who got it, Pearl?
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401. - None of your business. Now, get along.
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402. Jethrene and me is leaving for Californy.
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403. - And I want a whole pie
just like I was promised.
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404. - Now, you get out of here
before I throw you out of here.
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405. Men is all alike.
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406. Gimme, gimme, gimme.
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407. - You're an exciting woman, Pearl.
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408. - Oh, don't you even speak to me.
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409. There ain't a man alive worth the powder
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410. it'd take to blow him to you know where.
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411. Men is just a bunch of low-down,
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412. no good, Mr. Brewster!
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413. - Mrs. Bodine, I hope you're
not angry at me any longer.
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414. - What? Angry at you?
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415. (laughs) Don't be ridiculous.
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416. Oh, here, have, have some
more sweet potato pie
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417. and some Red Horse.
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418. - So this is you rascal who
been planning to steal my woman
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419. and my pie.
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420. I'm gonna give you such a, ooh! (groaning)
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421. Oh, I think I've throwed my dang knee out.
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422. - And I'm gonna throw out the rest of you.
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423. - Um, you see, in my business, I, uh.
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424. Well, what I mean to say is that,
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425. I, I'm away from home a lot and, uh.
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426. Uh, well, I think that a husband should.
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427. That is, what I mean to say
is that in my opinion, I.
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428. Could I have another slug
of that elderberry juice?
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429. (audience laughs)
- No, you cannot.
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430. Now, then, I've been sitting here
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431. for three solid hours listening to you,
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432. and you have yet to say one word
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433. that a widow woman could
get her teeth into.
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434. Jethrene, bring the suitcases.
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435. - Oh! Oh, please don't go.
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436. - I ain't listening to one
more word you got to say
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437. less you say it on your knees.
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438. Don't come in yet, Jethrene.
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439. All right, say it.
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440. - Please don't go.
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441. - You are the slipperiest
man that ever lived.
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442. Come on, Jethrene.
(audience laughs)
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443. You get out of my parlor and you stay out.
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444. - You want me to throw him out, Ma?
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445. - He can walk.
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446. Homer Winch, is that you again?
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447. - Hello, Pearl, it's us.
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448. - Merry Christmas, Ma!
- Merry Christmas!
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449. - Merry Christmas!
- Jethro!
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450. - Merry Christmas, Jethrene.
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451. - Uncle Jed.
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452. - My, you have grown,
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453. Mr. Brewster, what are you doing?
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454. - Mr. Clampett, if you'd
been just one second later,
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455. I would've been engaged
to your cousin Pearl.
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456. - Go back out, everybody!
- Oh, Mr. Clampett!
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457. Please, Mr. Clampett, wait!
(audience laughs)
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458. - You're nothing but a
two-timer, Homer Winch.
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459. Pearl told me about you sparkin' her,
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460. you old rascal, you.
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461. - You're excitin' when
you're mad, Granny. (laughs)
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462. Say, how about going for a
little sleigh ride with me?
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463. - You promise to behave?
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464. - Sure, I do.
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465. - Well, we might as
well stay here and sing.
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