1. [Captioning sponsored byCopy !req
2. FOX BROADCASTING COMPANYCopy !req
3. and REGENCY TELEVISION]Copy !req
4. Ha!Copy !req
5. Kick him in the stomach.Copy !req
6. Boy, it trips me outCopy !req
7. how their bodyCopy !req
8. just falls apart like that.Copy !req
9. Boy, these video games,Copy !req
10. I love them.Copy !req
11. It's a great way to work offCopy !req
12. your aggression.Copy !req
13. And Bernie Mac gotCopy !req
14. a lot of aggression.Copy !req
15. You know Bernie Mac's situation.Copy !req
16. My sister, you know,Copy !req
17. she's takingCopy !req
18. a state-sponsored vacation.Copy !req
19. You know, she got a littleCopy !req
20. problem with drugs.Copy !req
21. Now my wife, Wanda, and I,Copy !req
22. we're taking care of her kids.Copy !req
23. Don't remind me.Copy !req
24. Them doggone kids.Copy !req
25. I want to tearCopy !req
26. their doggone head off.Copy !req
27. Blast themCopy !req
28. into a million pieces.Copy !req
29. Shut them up for good.Copy !req
30. Now, hold on a minute.Copy !req
31. I know what you're thinking.Copy !req
32. Now, you wrong.Copy !req
33. Bernie Mac is not a violent man.Copy !req
34. This is what Bernie Mac doesCopy !req
35. to relax.Copy !req
36. Because in real lifeCopy !req
37. we don't settleCopy !req
38. our differences this way.Copy !req
39. That would be wrong.Copy !req
40. We're not animals.Copy !req
41. Despite a reputationCopy !req
42. for being solitary, wolvesCopy !req
43. are seldom without company.Copy !req
44. And when they hunt,Copy !req
45. they hunt in packs.Copy !req
46. Jordan?Copy !req
47. Hmm?Copy !req
48. What you doing in the houseCopy !req
49. watching TV?Copy !req
50. It's beautiful outside.Copy !req
51. You think we live in Los AngelesCopy !req
52. for the culture?Copy !req
53. I'm watching theCopy !req
54. Discovery Channel.Copy !req
55. Son, you could watchCopy !req
56. this crap anytime.Copy !req
57. Now, go outsideCopy !req
58. and meet some of the boys.Copy !req
59. No, but I want toCopy !req
60. see what happens.Copy !req
61. The lion eats the hyena.Copy !req
62. Now, give me this glassCopy !req
63. and go outsideCopy !req
64. and enjoy yourself.Copy !req
65. Oh...Copy !req
66. When I was a young kid, manCopy !req
67. you couldn't get us to stayCopy !req
68. in no doggone house.Copy !req
69. When the wolf pack spiesCopy !req
70. a prospective preyCopy !req
71. it moves in unison,Copy !req
72. cautiously surrounding itCopy !req
73. searching for signsCopy !req
74. of weakness.Copy !req
75. Sensing an opening,Copy !req
76. the pack works as a unitCopy !req
77. to keep the prey confusedCopy !req
78. and off-balance.Copy !req
79. When ready to move inCopy !req
80. for the killCopy !req
81. the first attack is madeCopy !req
82. by the strongest memberCopy !req
83. of the pack.Copy !req
84. This is the alpha wolf.Copy !req
85. Okay, hold it right there.Copy !req
86. Man, those kids are going toCopy !req
87. wind up being your best friends.Copy !req
88. You watch and see,Copy !req
89. you watch.Copy !req
90. A fight?Copy !req
91. Damn.Copy !req
92. Ma'am, was he hurt?Copy !req
93. No, no, just tell himCopy !req
94. I'm on my way.Copy !req
95. See, the problem isCopy !req
96. Jordan, my nephew,Copy !req
97. he's small for his age.Copy !req
98. And like most small kidsCopy !req
99. where I come fromCopy !req
100. they constantly get picked on.Copy !req
101. But I'm going to tell youCopy !req
102. something.Copy !req
103. You ain't got to be bigCopy !req
104. to be tough.Copy !req
105. You look at one ofCopy !req
106. the all-time boxing greatsCopy !req
107. Sugar Ray Leonard.Copy !req
108. Over here.Copy !req
109. What's up, Ray, baby?Copy !req
110. How you doing?Copy !req
111. Now, my man Ray,Copy !req
112. he was small,Copy !req
113. but he was wiry.Copy !req
114. He was like thoseCopy !req
115. little Japanese cars.Copy !req
116. I mean, compact, agileCopy !req
117. built for speedCopy !req
118. and endurance.Copy !req
119. And I can bet you,Copy !req
120. if someone calledCopy !req
121. him a sissy...Copy !req
122. I'd hand him a dollarCopy !req
123. and make changeCopy !req
124. out of his ass.Copy !req
125. ( chuckling ):Copy !req
126. Boy...Copy !req
127. Let me... I'm excited.Copy !req
128. Let's move on.Copy !req
129. Let's move on.Copy !req
130. Now, Ray,Copy !req
131. seriously speakingCopy !req
132. from a champion'sCopy !req
133. perspectiveCopy !req
134. how would you assessCopy !req
135. my nephew's skill?Copy !req
136. Bernie, it seems to meCopy !req
137. that Jordan lacks speed.Copy !req
138. Uh-huh.Copy !req
139. This man hasCopy !req
140. zero self-confidence.Copy !req
141. Hmm...Copy !req
142. And he's totally lackingCopy !req
143. in the fundamentalsCopy !req
144. that make a great fighter.Copy !req
145. I mean, he-he's a loser.Copy !req
146. So, he definitelyCopy !req
147. going to get hisCopy !req
148. ass whooped, huh?Copy !req
149. Oh, I would seriously considerCopy !req
150. home schooling.Copy !req
151. Jordan saysCopy !req
152. that he's sickCopy !req
153. and doesn't want to goCopy !req
154. to school tomorrow.Copy !req
155. Is something goingCopy !req
156. on with him?Copy !req
157. Hmm, baby,Copy !req
158. don't worry about it.Copy !req
159. I'll take careCopy !req
160. of it, okay?Copy !req
161. But I don't want to learnCopy !req
162. how to fight.Copy !req
163. Well, you're goingCopy !req
164. to learn how to fight.Copy !req
165. Get up. Quit beingCopy !req
166. so difficult.Copy !req
167. But I'm workingCopy !req
168. on my magic tricks.Copy !req
169. Give me that doggoneCopy !req
170. magic trick.Copy !req
171. What you going to doCopy !req
172. when somebody startsCopy !req
173. picking on you?Copy !req
174. You goingCopy !req
175. to disappear?Copy !req
176. But I don't want to...Copy !req
177. Well, you have to.Copy !req
178. Now listen.Copy !req
179. The first thing youCopy !req
180. need to know aboutCopy !req
181. defending yourselfCopy !req
182. is to avoid a fightCopy !req
183. in the first place.Copy !req
184. Now, what I meanCopy !req
185. by that, manCopy !req
186. if somebody startsCopy !req
187. picking on youCopy !req
188. you got to showCopy !req
189. you can take it.Copy !req
190. You got to come right backCopy !req
191. and start picking on them.Copy !req
192. How do I do that?Copy !req
193. Well, uh, you can startCopy !req
194. by insulting their mama.Copy !req
195. What if I don't know his mama?Copy !req
196. We're talking aboutCopy !req
197. universal mamas here, Jordan.Copy !req
198. It applies to all mamas.Copy !req
199. You got to be inventive.Copy !req
200. Doggone, now, Jordan.Copy !req
201. If you start hittingCopy !req
202. on somebody's mamaCopy !req
203. you got to hit himCopy !req
204. where it hurt.Copy !req
205. Go for the jugular.Copy !req
206. If their mama's fat,Copy !req
207. you got to say something likeCopy !req
208. "Yo mama's so fat, I pouredCopy !req
209. "a half a cup of waterCopy !req
210. in the bathtubCopy !req
211. and when she sat down,Copy !req
212. it overflowed."Copy !req
213. Uncle Bernie, that's mean.Copy !req
214. What if I like his mama?Copy !req
215. You don't know his mama, Jordan.Copy !req
216. How you going to like somebodyCopy !req
217. you don't know?Copy !req
218. What if his mama's dead?Copy !req
219. Jordan, your mamaCopy !req
220. being deadCopy !req
221. ain't got nothingCopy !req
222. to do with it.Copy !req
223. What you doingCopy !req
224. talking aboutCopy !req
225. if their mama dead for?Copy !req
226. Look here...Copy !req
227. Forget about it.Copy !req
228. Okay? Forget about it.Copy !req
229. We're going to move on.Copy !req
230. We'll go to Plan B.Copy !req
231. Acting crazy.Copy !req
232. No!Copy !req
233. Relax, relax.Copy !req
234. Jordan, Jordan.Copy !req
235. It's just whipped cream.Copy !req
236. I'm trying to make a point.Copy !req
237. See, you got to make peopleCopy !req
238. think you're crazy.Copy !req
239. Don't anybody mess withCopy !req
240. you when you foaming.Copy !req
241. Jordan, listen, listen, listen.Copy !req
242. You got to get loud, man.Copy !req
243. You got to act weird.Copy !req
244. Somebody get in your face,Copy !req
245. you got to make them thinkCopy !req
246. like you, like you crazy.Copy !req
247. How?Copy !req
248. By your body languageCopy !req
249. your voice, man, you got to...Copy !req
250. When people step to you, man,Copy !req
251. say, "You better back off."Copy !req
252. "You better back off."Copy !req
253. Well, no, listenCopy !req
254. to my voice, man.Copy !req
255. "Don't mess with me, man."Copy !req
256. "Don't mess with me, man."Copy !req
257. "I don't play."Copy !req
258. "I don't play."Copy !req
259. "You better back off."Copy !req
260. "You better back off."Copy !req
261. "Don't mess with me, man."Copy !req
262. "Don't mess with me, man."Copy !req
263. "I don't..."Copy !req
264. "I don't play."Copy !req
265. "Don't mess with me, man."Copy !req
266. "You better back off."Copy !req
267. "You better back off."Copy !req
268. "I don't play."Copy !req
269. "I don't play."Copy !req
270. "Back off."Copy !req
271. "Don't mess with me."Copy !req
272. "Get back!"Copy !req
273. "Don't messCopy !req
274. with me, man."Copy !req
275. "I don't play."Copy !req
276. "You betterCopy !req
277. back off."Copy !req
278. "I don't play."Copy !req
279. "Don't messCopy !req
280. with me, man..."Copy !req
281. That's a dead boy walkingCopy !req
282. right there.Copy !req
283. Bernie, teachingCopy !req
284. that boy that violenceCopy !req
285. is the answerCopy !req
286. is just wrong.Copy !req
287. Sweetheart, I'm not teachingCopy !req
288. that boy no violence.Copy !req
289. I'm trying to give himCopy !req
290. some schoolyard diplomacy.Copy !req
291. Give him some tactics, man,Copy !req
292. to keep him from fighting.Copy !req
293. Baby, I know you.Copy !req
294. What you mean by that?Copy !req
295. You...Copy !req
296. You know that boy needsCopy !req
297. something, Wanda.Copy !req
298. He's soft.Copy !req
299. He is not soft.Copy !req
300. He is.Copy !req
301. Jordan is aCopy !req
302. gentle soul.Copy !req
303. Aw...Copy !req
304. He doesn't like fighting.Copy !req
305. He likes magic tricks.Copy !req
306. What is with these doggoneCopy !req
307. magic tricks, man?Copy !req
308. That's what happenedCopy !req
309. to Houdini.Copy !req
310. That's how he died.Copy !req
311. He got his ass kickedCopy !req
312. over there at the magic shop.Copy !req
313. The man hit himCopy !req
314. in the doggone stomach.Copy !req
315. If he knew some "yo mama" jokes,Copy !req
316. he might still be alive today.Copy !req
317. I wish I knew some magic.Copy !req
318. Poof!Copy !req
319. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
320. What? What?Copy !req
321. Jordan!Copy !req
322. She took it.Copy !req
323. If it's your car,Copy !req
324. take it back.Copy !req
325. She took it!Copy !req
326. She took it!Copy !req
327. Jordan, Jordan, Jordan,Copy !req
328. listen to me.Copy !req
329. Come on now, come on.Copy !req
330. You mean to tell me afterCopy !req
331. everything I showed youCopy !req
332. you can't take a toy carCopy !req
333. from a four-year-old girl?Copy !req
334. She's four years old.Copy !req
335. Now relax.Copy !req
336. Do what I showed you.Copy !req
337. Don't mess with me!Copy !req
338. I don't play!Copy !req
339. Hey, give it back.Copy !req
340. Punk.Copy !req
341. Oh, Lord.Copy !req
342. Ray, the boy's realCopy !req
343. soft, I mean, soft.Copy !req
344. He's like liquid, you know.Copy !req
345. He needs moreCopy !req
346. than fundamentals.Copy !req
347. He needs something likeCopy !req
348. divine intervention.Copy !req
349. And that's whereCopy !req
350. I come in.Copy !req
351. I was teaching my nephewCopy !req
352. a few playground moves, manCopy !req
353. in case he getCopy !req
354. in trouble.Copy !req
355. First thing ICopy !req
356. taught him isCopy !req
357. if somebody mess with you,Copy !req
358. you pick up some sandCopy !req
359. then you throwCopy !req
360. it in their face.Copy !req
361. Then you take off running.Copy !req
362. That always worked forCopy !req
363. me when I was little.Copy !req
364. You know, or you canCopy !req
365. improvise, especiallyCopy !req
366. if you're aroundCopy !req
367. some objects.Copy !req
368. Let me see that book.Copy !req
369. This one here?Copy !req
370. That's this bookCopy !req
371. that I was reading.Copy !req
372. See? Look, I'm reading,Copy !req
373. casually mindingCopy !req
374. your business.Copy !req
375. ( whistles ):Copy !req
376. Somebody come at you...Copy !req
377. Bam!Copy !req
378. Hit him right in the throat,Copy !req
379. right in the throat.Copy !req
380. Drop the bookCopy !req
381. and start running.Copy !req
382. Boy, oh, boy, I wasCopy !req
383. dangerous when ICopy !req
384. was little, Ray.Copy !req
385. I'll tell you.Copy !req
386. Now, now, Ray,Copy !req
387. be honest with me.Copy !req
388. The few techniquesCopy !req
389. that I just showedCopy !req
390. you and the peopleCopy !req
391. what do you thinkCopy !req
392. my nephew's chancesCopy !req
393. are right now?Copy !req
394. Don't get too attachedCopy !req
395. to the boy.Copy !req
396. He's still goingCopy !req
397. to have trouble?Copy !req
398. Yes. Big trouble.Copy !req
399. Hey, why'd you do that?Copy !req
400. 'Cause it's ugly...Copy !req
401. like you.Copy !req
402. Stop.Copy !req
403. Stop!Copy !req
404. What are you goingCopy !req
405. to do, cry, baby?Copy !req
406. No, no, but... but yo mama criedCopy !req
407. when you were born.Copy !req
408. Look at that little sissy.Copy !req
409. Ow, my eye.Copy !req
410. Sorry, Byron.Copy !req
411. I don't play!Copy !req
412. I don't play!Copy !req
413. I don't play!Copy !req
414. How'd it go today, son?Copy !req
415. Okay.Copy !req
416. Anybody pick on you?Copy !req
417. No. Nobody.Copy !req
418. I just did what you told meCopy !req
419. and acted like you.Copy !req
420. Now, nobody bothers me.Copy !req
421. ( to himself ):Copy !req
422. My boy.Copy !req
423. You know what I'm saying!Copy !req
424. Guess who had a good dayCopy !req
425. in school today, baby?Copy !req
426. Little Harry Potter himself.Copy !req
427. And his magic tricks.Copy !req
428. The boy managed to conjure upCopy !req
429. some self-confidence.Copy !req
430. I told you, baby.Copy !req
431. All the boy had to doCopy !req
432. was go to schoolCopy !req
433. and act like Bernie Mac.Copy !req
434. And I bet nobody'dCopy !req
435. mess with him.Copy !req
436. I told him that.Copy !req
437. He did it, too.Copy !req
438. Baby? What?Copy !req
439. Hello?Copy !req
440. Who?Copy !req
441. Yeah, this is Bernie Mac.Copy !req
442. Ho-Hold on, hold on, hold on.Copy !req
443. How you know your sonCopy !req
444. wasn't picking on him?Copy !req
445. And he wasn't defending himself?Copy !req
446. No, I ain't calling you no liar.Copy !req
447. But I'm saying you do soundCopy !req
448. a little hot-tempered right now.Copy !req
449. And if your son act anythingCopy !req
450. the way you acting right nowCopy !req
451. I can... Hello?Copy !req
452. Uh...Copy !req
453. Hate people that trip.Copy !req
454. They be callingCopy !req
455. the wrong numberCopy !req
456. and tripping.Copy !req
457. Come on, heads up.Copy !req
458. Hey! I was listening.Copy !req
459. Jordan, I want youCopy !req
460. to listen.Copy !req
461. And listen well,Copy !req
462. because I'm onlyCopy !req
463. going to ask you thisCopy !req
464. one time.Copy !req
465. Did you pick a fightCopy !req
466. in school today?Copy !req
467. No.Copy !req
468. Because I just got off the phoneCopy !req
469. with the fatherCopy !req
470. of the boy who said you did.Copy !req
471. I didn't start it.Copy !req
472. He was picking on me.Copy !req
473. So, you were sticking upCopy !req
474. for yourself, right?Copy !req
475. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
476. You're not lying to meCopy !req
477. are you, son?Copy !req
478. Uncle Bernie, I promise.Copy !req
479. I'm not lying to you.Copy !req
480. He's lying. He's lyingCopy !req
481. through his flippin' teeth.Copy !req
482. It's to be expected.Copy !req
483. The boy's a bad seed.Copy !req
484. Hey, hey,Copy !req
485. Father Cronin...Copy !req
486. I don't believe that.Copy !req
487. I mean, Jordan's just too softCopy !req
488. to lie to my face.Copy !req
489. People rarely want to believeCopy !req
490. their child is the problem.Copy !req
491. Don't you think it was hardCopy !req
492. for the Apostles to believeCopy !req
493. that one of their ownCopy !req
494. would betray Christ?Copy !req
495. And yet,Copy !req
496. there he was.Copy !req
497. Judas.Copy !req
498. Sitting there, eating His bodyCopy !req
499. and drinking His blood.Copy !req
500. Mr. Mac, come take a look seeCopy !req
501. at your own little Judas.Copy !req
502. The nuns refer to himCopy !req
503. as "the Holy Terror."Copy !req
504. What's got into you, Jordan?Copy !req
505. You don't go around pickingCopy !req
506. fights like that.Copy !req
507. Who told you to act like that?Copy !req
508. You did.Copy !req
509. Me? I didn't tell you to actCopy !req
510. like a little doggone bully.Copy !req
511. You told me to act like you.Copy !req
512. You saying I'm a bully?Copy !req
513. I ain't no bully.Copy !req
514. I'm going to show youCopy !req
515. a doggone bully.Copy !req
516. You come here.Copy !req
517. Welcome back.Copy !req
518. When you thinkCopy !req
519. of boxing's biggest bulliesCopy !req
520. you think of menCopy !req
521. with menacing, icy staresCopy !req
522. that could freezeCopy !req
523. their opponents cold.Copy !req
524. Brutes who beat their foesCopy !req
525. into submission.Copy !req
526. Men whose very names struck fearCopy !req
527. in the hearts of giants.Copy !req
528. Men like Sonny Liston,Copy !req
529. Big George ForemanCopy !req
530. Mike Tyson, Bernie Mac.Copy !req
531. These bullies...Copy !req
532. Hold on, Ray, Ray.Copy !req
533. Ray, hold on, now.Copy !req
534. What?Copy !req
535. I ain't no bully.Copy !req
536. What are you saying?Copy !req
537. I'm saying I don'tCopy !req
538. know where you thinkCopy !req
539. I'm a bully from.Copy !req
540. Well, Bernie, if you checkCopy !req
541. your record out, it's clear.Copy !req
542. You've always been a bully.Copy !req
543. That's not true.Copy !req
544. That ain't true.Copy !req
545. Not true?Copy !req
546. No.Copy !req
547. Okay, let's go to videotape.Copy !req
548. Hey, baby girl.Copy !req
549. Can I watch TV with you?Copy !req
550. Okay.Copy !req
551. Okay, thank you.Copy !req
552. Hey!Copy !req
553. Hey.Copy !req
554. Oh, don't cry, Bryana.Copy !req
555. Bears are going to win.Copy !req
556. Watch, they're going to win.Copy !req
557. in the passing game,Copy !req
558. have problems on the run...Copy !req
559. What a terrible mismatch.Copy !req
560. A heavyweight versusCopy !req
561. a flyweight.Copy !req
562. Picking on a little girl.Copy !req
563. I don't want to doCopy !req
564. this no more, Ray.Copy !req
565. And now, the main eventCopy !req
566. where we profile the seriesCopy !req
567. of boutsCopy !req
568. between BernieCopy !req
569. and his greatest rivalCopy !req
570. little "Magic Man" Jordan.Copy !req
571. You're not funny.Copy !req
572. ( bell ringsCopy !req
573. and punches landing )Copy !req
574. Down he goes.Copy !req
575. I won!Copy !req
576. I got the high score.Copy !req
577. I beat your record.Copy !req
578. J... O...Copy !req
579. R... D...Copy !req
580. Aw, man!Copy !req
581. Look what happened.Copy !req
582. It just came out.Copy !req
583. It just came out.Copy !req
584. It just came out.Copy !req
585. Get in there, boy,Copy !req
586. before I throw you in.Copy !req
587. I don't wantCopy !req
588. to take a bath.Copy !req
589. Shut up!Copy !req
590. I don't wantCopy !req
591. to take a...Copy !req
592. Hey, that was my brownie.Copy !req
593. No, it wasn't.Copy !req
594. Yes, it was.Copy !req
595. No, it wasn't.Copy !req
596. Yes, it was.Copy !req
597. Mm-mmm.Copy !req
598. Yes, it was.Copy !req
599. Hmm.Copy !req
600. It was in a bagCopy !req
601. with my name on it.Copy !req
602. Hmm.Copy !req
603. Yeah.Copy !req
604. We're family.Copy !req
605. I want you to leave.Copy !req
606. Okay.Copy !req
607. Bully.Copy !req
608. I ain't no bully.Copy !req
609. I know you-all don't thinkCopy !req
610. I'm no bully, do you?Copy !req
611. Well, you all can get outCopy !req
612. of my house, too.Copy !req
613. He lucky he left when he did.Copy !req
614. Huh, Sugar!Copy !req
615. He retired.Copy !req
616. He ain't got like that no more.Copy !req
617. He gone, ain't he?Copy !req
618. Jordan, I want to talkCopy !req
619. to you for a minute.Copy !req
620. Move, Uncle Bernie.Copy !req
621. I don't play.Copy !req
622. That's exactly what I wantCopy !req
623. to talk to you about.Copy !req
624. Jordan, look.Copy !req
625. I apologize to you, okay?Copy !req
626. Because, first of all,Copy !req
627. you're right.Copy !req
628. I am a bully.Copy !req
629. And worse than that, manCopy !req
630. I've been teaching youCopy !req
631. to be a bully.Copy !req
632. That's okay,Copy !req
633. Uncle Bernie.Copy !req
634. It works for me.Copy !req
635. Now you can turn on the TV.Copy !req
636. Son, you're not listening to me.Copy !req
637. I'm trying to teach youCopy !req
638. that being a bully is wrong.Copy !req
639. But I was gettingCopy !req
640. picked on before.Copy !req
641. Now nobody picks on me.Copy !req
642. I get what I want, andCopy !req
643. I even get extra stuff.Copy !req
644. Look, I took thisCopy !req
645. pen off of Eugene.Copy !req
646. It has a naked ladyCopy !req
647. on it, look!Copy !req
648. Give me this.Copy !req
649. It's not funny.Copy !req
650. And this is going back.Copy !req
651. And I want youCopy !req
652. to promise meCopy !req
653. that you're going to stop beingCopy !req
654. a bully at school, Jordan.Copy !req
655. ( whining ):Copy !req
656. Okay.Copy !req
657. Don't "okay" me.Copy !req
658. Look at me and tell meCopy !req
659. that you'll stop being a bully.Copy !req
660. Okay, Uncle Bernie,Copy !req
661. I promise.Copy !req
662. I won't be aCopy !req
663. bully at school.Copy !req
664. Thank you.Copy !req
665. Hey, that's mine.Copy !req
666. So? Get another one.Copy !req
667. That's the last one.Copy !req
668. What is wrong with you?Copy !req
669. Aunt Wanda, I wantCopy !req
670. to go to the mall.Copy !req
671. Aunt Wanda!Copy !req
672. Jordan, honey,Copy !req
673. I'm on the phone.Copy !req
674. Talk later, I wantCopy !req
675. to go to the mall.Copy !req
676. What did I just say?Copy !req
677. No, I...Copy !req
678. I said I want toCopy !req
679. go to the mall.Copy !req
680. Right, that would be nice.Copy !req
681. Now, come on!Copy !req
682. So, why couldn't that be...?Copy !req
683. I don't play.Copy !req
684. Ooh... "I don't play."Copy !req
685. Ooh, boy must be out of his mindCopy !req
686. to talk to me like that.Copy !req
687. No, I'm sorry.Copy !req
688. I'm listening. What...?Copy !req
689. Today!Copy !req
690. Ooh, oh, my God!Copy !req
691. Give it back!Copy !req
692. Give me backCopy !req
693. my Crazy String!Copy !req
694. You want your Crazy String back?Copy !req
695. You want your Crazy String back?Copy !req
696. Yeah!Copy !req
697. Here's your Crazy String.Copy !req
698. Jordan, no!Copy !req
699. No!Copy !req
700. Jordan, no!Copy !req
701. No!Copy !req
702. Maybe you can kindCopy !req
703. of burn it outCopy !req
704. or something.Copy !req
705. What?Copy !req
706. Hey, what's going onCopy !req
707. in there?Copy !req
708. It's Jordan.Copy !req
709. He's terrorizingCopy !req
710. the whole house.Copy !req
711. Look what he didCopy !req
712. to Bryana.Copy !req
713. It won't come out.Copy !req
714. You've got to doCopy !req
715. something, Bernie.Copy !req
716. You made this mess.Copy !req
717. You fix it.Copy !req
718. You know what to do.Copy !req
719. Vanessa?Copy !req
720. We don't really need a brother.Copy !req
721. Go ahead.Copy !req
722. Do your thing.Copy !req
723. Wait.Copy !req
724. You can't.Copy !req
725. Now, that's the problem,Copy !req
726. America.Copy !req
727. You can beat some of the peopleCopy !req
728. some of the timeCopy !req
729. but you can't beat your kids.Copy !req
730. But see, this is my fault.Copy !req
731. I led by bad example,Copy !req
732. and I created a monster.Copy !req
733. Now I have to destroyCopy !req
734. the monster.Copy !req
735. Now, see, with Dracula,Copy !req
736. you use a wooden stake.Copy !req
737. Wolfman, the silver bullet.Copy !req
738. And with little boys,Copy !req
739. you use the belt.Copy !req
740. But I've been strippedCopy !req
741. of my weaponsCopy !req
742. so how am I going to protectCopy !req
743. the villagers?Copy !req
744. Bernie Mac doesn't need a belt.Copy !req
745. Bernie?Copy !req
746. Jordan!Copy !req
747. Jordan!Copy !req
748. You can't hurt him.Copy !req
749. What kind of messageCopy !req
750. would that send?Copy !req
751. Oh, I'm going to...Copy !req
752. I can't find himCopy !req
753. anywhere.Copy !req
754. I don't think he'sCopy !req
755. in the house.Copy !req
756. There he is.Copy !req
757. Get him, Uncle Bernie.Copy !req
758. I'm going to getCopy !req
759. him, too, baby.Copy !req
760. Bernie, it looks likeCopy !req
761. he's going to pick aCopy !req
762. fight with the kids.Copy !req
763. I see it, baby.Copy !req
764. I see it.Copy !req
765. We should stop him.Copy !req
766. No, no, no, no,Copy !req
767. no, no, no, no.Copy !req
768. This just might beCopy !req
769. the lesson he deserves.Copy !req
770. Come on back, come on.Copy !req
771. Sometimes, when an animalCopy !req
772. is wounded,Copy !req
773. it is at its most dangerous.Copy !req
774. Uppercut, Jordan, duck!Copy !req
775. Duck! Yeah.Copy !req
776. Bernie Mac!Copy !req
777. I don't know who'sCopy !req
778. worse, you or...Copy !req
779. Jordan, look out.Copy !req
780. There's one behind you!Copy !req
781. Yeah!Copy !req
782. Tasting bloodCopy !req
783. an animal's natural instinctCopy !req
784. is to finish off its prey...Copy !req
785. except the human animal,Copy !req
786. which has a conscience.Copy !req
787. Son, I am reallyCopy !req
788. proud of you.Copy !req
789. Why? I got beat up by a girl.Copy !req
790. And you had her downCopy !req
791. on the ground.Copy !req
792. You did the right thing.Copy !req
793. You stopped yourself.Copy !req
794. She looked really afraid.Copy !req
795. I mean... it madeCopy !req
796. me feel bad.Copy !req
797. That's good.Copy !req
798. You know what that tells you?Copy !req
799. You're not a bully.Copy !req
800. Yeah, I guess.Copy !req
801. Hmm.Copy !req
802. Uncle Bernie?Copy !req
803. Mm-hmm?Copy !req
804. I should give EugeneCopy !req
805. back his pen.Copy !req
806. Oh, you think so?Copy !req
807. No, son, I think Eugene needsCopy !req
808. to learn a lesson, too.Copy !req
809. You ain't been lookingCopy !req
810. at this, have you?Copy !req
811. It's disgusting.Copy !req
812. [Captioned byCopy !req
813. the Media Access Group at WGBH]Copy !req
814. Hey, want to showCopy !req
815. me a magic trick?Copy !req
816. Okay, um...Copy !req
817. Okay, I can makeCopy !req
818. a dollar disappear.Copy !req
819. I got a 20.Copy !req
820. All right,Copy !req
821. let me see it.Copy !req
822. One...Copy !req
823. two...Copy !req
824. three.Copy !req
825. Why, you little...Copy !req
826. I'm sorry, America.Copy !req
827. I did the best I could.Copy !req
828. A man got to be who he is.Copy !req
829. Jordan!Copy !req
830. Jordan!Copy !req
831. Watch out, watch out.Copy !req
832. Sister, look out.Copy !req
833. Excuse me?Copy !req
834. Excuse me?Copy !req
835. Excuse me?Copy !req
836. Jordan!Copy !req