1. [Captioning sponsored byCopy !req
2. and REGENCY TELEVISION]Copy !req
3. Ha!Copy !req
4. Kick him in the stomach.Copy !req
5. Boy, it trips me outCopy !req
6. how their bodyCopy !req
7. just falls apart like that.Copy !req
8. Boy, these video games,Copy !req
9. I love them.Copy !req
10. It's a great way to work offCopy !req
11. your aggression.Copy !req
12. And Bernie Mac gotCopy !req
13. a lot of aggression.Copy !req
14. You know Bernie Mac's situation.Copy !req
15. My sister, you know,Copy !req
16. she's takingCopy !req
17. a state-sponsored vacation.Copy !req
18. You know, she got a littleCopy !req
19. problem with drugs.Copy !req
20. Now my wife, Wanda, and I,Copy !req
21. we're taking care of her kids.Copy !req
22. Don't remind me.Copy !req
23. Them doggone kids.Copy !req
24. I want to tearCopy !req
25. their doggone head off.Copy !req
26. Blast themCopy !req
27. into a million pieces.Copy !req
28. Shut them up for good.Copy !req
29. Now, hold on a minute.Copy !req
30. I know what you're thinking.Copy !req
31. Now, you wrong.Copy !req
32. Bernie Mac is not a violent man.Copy !req
33. This is what Bernie Mac doesCopy !req
34. to relax.Copy !req
35. Because in real lifeCopy !req
36. we don't settleCopy !req
37. our differences this way.Copy !req
38. That would be wrong.Copy !req
39. We're not animals.Copy !req
40. Despite a reputationCopy !req
41. for being solitary, wolvesCopy !req
42. are seldom without company.Copy !req
43. And when they hunt,Copy !req
44. they hunt in packs.Copy !req
45. Jordan?Copy !req
46. Hmm?Copy !req
47. What you doing in the houseCopy !req
48. watching TV?Copy !req
49. It's beautiful outside.Copy !req
50. You think we live in Los AngelesCopy !req
51. for the culture?Copy !req
52. I'm watching theCopy !req
53. Discovery Channel.Copy !req
54. Son, you could watchCopy !req
55. this crap anytime.Copy !req
56. Now, go outsideCopy !req
57. and meet some of the boys.Copy !req
58. No, but I want toCopy !req
59. see what happens.Copy !req
60. The lion eats the hyena.Copy !req
61. Now, give me this glassCopy !req
62. and go outsideCopy !req
63. and enjoy yourself.Copy !req
64. Oh...Copy !req
65. When I was a young kid, manCopy !req
66. you couldn't get us to stayCopy !req
67. in no doggone house.Copy !req
68. When the wolf pack spiesCopy !req
69. a prospective preyCopy !req
70. it moves in unison,Copy !req
71. cautiously surrounding itCopy !req
72. searching for signsCopy !req
73. of weakness.Copy !req
74. Sensing an opening,Copy !req
75. the pack works as a unitCopy !req
76. to keep the prey confusedCopy !req
77. and off-balance.Copy !req
78. When ready to move inCopy !req
79. for the killCopy !req
80. the first attack is madeCopy !req
81. by the strongest memberCopy !req
82. of the pack.Copy !req
83. This is the alpha wolf.Copy !req
84. Okay, hold it right there.Copy !req
85. Man, those kids are going toCopy !req
86. wind up being your best friends.Copy !req
87. You watch and see,Copy !req
88. you watch.Copy !req
89. A fight?Copy !req
90. Damn.Copy !req
91. Ma'am, was he hurt?Copy !req
92. No, no, just tell himCopy !req
93. I'm on my way.Copy !req
94. See, the problem isCopy !req
95. Jordan, my nephew,Copy !req
96. he's small for his age.Copy !req
97. And like most small kidsCopy !req
98. where I come fromCopy !req
99. they constantly get picked on.Copy !req
100. But I'm going to tell youCopy !req
101. something.Copy !req
102. You ain't got to be bigCopy !req
103. to be tough.Copy !req
104. You look at one ofCopy !req
105. the all-time boxing greatsCopy !req
106. Sugar Ray Leonard.Copy !req
107. Over here.Copy !req
108. What's up, Ray, baby?Copy !req
109. How you doing?Copy !req
110. Now, my man Ray,Copy !req
111. he was small,Copy !req
112. but he was wiry.Copy !req
113. He was like thoseCopy !req
114. little Japanese cars.Copy !req
115. I mean, compact, agileCopy !req
116. built for speedCopy !req
117. and endurance.Copy !req
118. And I can bet you,Copy !req
119. if someone calledCopy !req
120. him a sissy...Copy !req
121. I'd hand him a dollarCopy !req
122. and make changeCopy !req
123. out of his ass.Copy !req
124. Boy...Copy !req
125. Let me... I'm excited.Copy !req
126. Let's move on.Copy !req
127. Let's move on.Copy !req
128. Now, Ray,Copy !req
129. seriously speakingCopy !req
130. from a champion'sCopy !req
131. perspectiveCopy !req
132. how would you assessCopy !req
133. my nephew's skill?Copy !req
134. Bernie, it seems to meCopy !req
135. that Jordan lacks speed.Copy !req
136. Uh-huh.Copy !req
137. This man hasCopy !req
138. zero self-confidence.Copy !req
139. Hmm...Copy !req
140. And he's totally lackingCopy !req
141. in the fundamentalsCopy !req
142. that make a great fighter.Copy !req
143. I mean, he-he's a loser.Copy !req
144. So, he definitelyCopy !req
145. going to get hisCopy !req
146. ass whooped, huh?Copy !req
147. Oh, I would seriously considerCopy !req
148. home schooling.Copy !req
149. Jordan saysCopy !req
150. that he's sickCopy !req
151. and doesn't want to goCopy !req
152. to school tomorrow.Copy !req
153. Is something goingCopy !req
154. on with him?Copy !req
155. Hmm, baby,Copy !req
156. don't worry about it.Copy !req
157. I'll take careCopy !req
158. of it, okay?Copy !req
159. But I don't want to learnCopy !req
160. how to fight.Copy !req
161. Well, you're goingCopy !req
162. to learn how to fight.Copy !req
163. Get up. Quit beingCopy !req
164. so difficult.Copy !req
165. But I'm workingCopy !req
166. on my magic tricks.Copy !req
167. Give me that doggoneCopy !req
168. magic trick.Copy !req
169. What you going to doCopy !req
170. when somebody startsCopy !req
171. picking on you?Copy !req
172. You goingCopy !req
173. to disappear?Copy !req
174. But I don't want to...Copy !req
175. Well, you have to.Copy !req
176. Now listen.Copy !req
177. The first thing youCopy !req
178. need to know aboutCopy !req
179. defending yourselfCopy !req
180. is to avoid a fightCopy !req
181. in the first place.Copy !req
182. Now, what I meanCopy !req
183. by that, manCopy !req
184. if somebody startsCopy !req
185. picking on youCopy !req
186. you got to showCopy !req
187. you can take it.Copy !req
188. You got to come right backCopy !req
189. and start picking on them.Copy !req
190. How do I do that?Copy !req
191. Well, uh, you can startCopy !req
192. by insulting their mama.Copy !req
193. What if I don't know his mama?Copy !req
194. We're talking aboutCopy !req
195. universal mamas here, Jordan.Copy !req
196. It applies to all mamas.Copy !req
197. You got to be inventive.Copy !req
198. Doggone, now, Jordan.Copy !req
199. If you start hittingCopy !req
200. on somebody's mamaCopy !req
201. you got to hit himCopy !req
202. where it hurt.Copy !req
203. Go for the jugular.Copy !req
204. If their mama's fat,Copy !req
205. you got to say something likeCopy !req
206. "Yo mama's so fat, I pouredCopy !req
207. "a half a cup of waterCopy !req
208. in the bathtubCopy !req
209. and when she sat down,Copy !req
210. it overflowed."Copy !req
211. Uncle Bernie, that's mean.Copy !req
212. What if I like his mama?Copy !req
213. You don't know his mama, Jordan.Copy !req
214. How you going to like somebodyCopy !req
215. you don't know?Copy !req
216. What if his mama's dead?Copy !req
217. Jordan, your mamaCopy !req
218. being deadCopy !req
219. ain't got nothingCopy !req
220. to do with it.Copy !req
221. What you doingCopy !req
222. talking aboutCopy !req
223. if their mama dead for?Copy !req
224. Look here...Copy !req
225. Forget about it.Copy !req
226. Okay? Forget about it.Copy !req
227. We're going to move on.Copy !req
228. We'll go to Plan B.Copy !req
229. Acting crazy.Copy !req
230. No!Copy !req
231. Relax, relax.Copy !req
232. Jordan, Jordan.Copy !req
233. It's just whipped cream.Copy !req
234. I'm trying to make a point.Copy !req
235. See, you got to make peopleCopy !req
236. think you're crazy.Copy !req
237. Don't anybody mess withCopy !req
238. you when you foaming.Copy !req
239. Jordan, listen, listen, listen.Copy !req
240. You got to get loud, man.Copy !req
241. You got to act weird.Copy !req
242. Somebody get in your face,Copy !req
243. you got to make them thinkCopy !req
244. like you, like you crazy.Copy !req
245. How?Copy !req
246. By your body languageCopy !req
247. your voice, man, you got to...Copy !req
248. When people step to you, man,Copy !req
249. say, "You better back off."Copy !req
250. "You better back off."Copy !req
251. Well, no, listenCopy !req
252. to my voice, man.Copy !req
253. "Don't mess with me, man."Copy !req
254. "Don't mess with me, man."Copy !req
255. "I don't play."Copy !req
256. "I don't play."Copy !req
257. "You better back off."Copy !req
258. "You better back off."Copy !req
259. "Don't mess with me, man."Copy !req
260. "Don't mess with me, man."Copy !req
261. "I don't..."Copy !req
262. "I don't play."Copy !req
263. "Don't mess with me, man."Copy !req
264. "You better back off."Copy !req
265. "You better back off."Copy !req
266. "I don't play."Copy !req
267. "I don't play."Copy !req
268. "Back off."Copy !req
269. "Don't mess with me."Copy !req
270. "Get back!"Copy !req
271. "Don't messCopy !req
272. with me, man."Copy !req
273. "I don't play."Copy !req
274. "You betterCopy !req
275. back off."Copy !req
276. "I don't play."Copy !req
277. "Don't messCopy !req
278. with me, man..."Copy !req
279. That's a dead boy walkingCopy !req
280. right there.Copy !req
281. Bernie, teachingCopy !req
282. that boy that violenceCopy !req
283. is the answerCopy !req
284. is just wrong.Copy !req
285. Sweetheart, I'm not teachingCopy !req
286. that boy no violence.Copy !req
287. I'm trying to give himCopy !req
288. some schoolyard diplomacy.Copy !req
289. Give him some tactics, man,Copy !req
290. to keep him from fighting.Copy !req
291. Baby, I know you.Copy !req
292. What you mean by that?Copy !req
293. You...Copy !req
294. You know that boy needsCopy !req
295. something, Wanda.Copy !req
296. He's soft.Copy !req
297. He is not soft.Copy !req
298. He is.Copy !req
299. Jordan is aCopy !req
300. gentle soul.Copy !req
301. Aw...Copy !req
302. He doesn't like fighting.Copy !req
303. He likes magic tricks.Copy !req
304. What is with these doggoneCopy !req
305. magic tricks, man?Copy !req
306. That's what happenedCopy !req
307. to Houdini.Copy !req
308. That's how he died.Copy !req
309. He got his ass kickedCopy !req
310. over there at the magic shop.Copy !req
311. The man hit himCopy !req
312. in the doggone stomach.Copy !req
313. If he knew some "yo mama" jokes,Copy !req
314. he might still be alive today.Copy !req
315. I wish I knew some magic.Copy !req
316. Poof!Copy !req
317. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
318. What? What?Copy !req
319. Jordan!Copy !req
320. She took it.Copy !req
321. If it's your car,Copy !req
322. take it back.Copy !req
323. She took it!Copy !req
324. She took it!Copy !req
325. Jordan, Jordan, Jordan,Copy !req
326. listen to me.Copy !req
327. Come on now, come on.Copy !req
328. You mean to tell me afterCopy !req
329. everything I showed youCopy !req
330. you can't take a toy carCopy !req
331. from a four-year-old girl?Copy !req
332. She's four years old.Copy !req
333. Now relax.Copy !req
334. Do what I showed you.Copy !req
335. Don't mess with me!Copy !req
336. I don't play!Copy !req
337. Hey, give it back.Copy !req
338. Punk.Copy !req
339. Oh, Lord.Copy !req
340. Ray, the boy's realCopy !req
341. soft, I mean, soft.Copy !req
342. He's like liquid, you know.Copy !req
343. He needs moreCopy !req
344. than fundamentals.Copy !req
345. He needs something likeCopy !req
346. divine intervention.Copy !req
347. And that's whereCopy !req
348. I come in.Copy !req
349. I was teaching my nephewCopy !req
350. a few playground moves, manCopy !req
351. in case he getCopy !req
352. in trouble.Copy !req
353. First thing ICopy !req
354. taught him isCopy !req
355. if somebody mess with you,Copy !req
356. you pick up some sandCopy !req
357. then you throwCopy !req
358. it in their face.Copy !req
359. Then you take off running.Copy !req
360. That always worked forCopy !req
361. me when I was little.Copy !req
362. You know, or you canCopy !req
363. improvise, especiallyCopy !req
364. if you're aroundCopy !req
365. some objects.Copy !req
366. Let me see that book.Copy !req
367. This one here?Copy !req
368. That's this bookCopy !req
369. that I was reading.Copy !req
370. See? Look, I'm reading,Copy !req
371. casually mindingCopy !req
372. your business.Copy !req
373. Somebody come at you...Copy !req
374. Bam!Copy !req
375. Hit him right in the throat,Copy !req
376. right in the throat.Copy !req
377. Drop the bookCopy !req
378. and start running.Copy !req
379. Boy, oh, boy, I wasCopy !req
380. dangerous when ICopy !req
381. was little, Ray.Copy !req
382. I'll tell you.Copy !req
383. Now, now, Ray,Copy !req
384. be honest with me.Copy !req
385. The few techniquesCopy !req
386. that I just showedCopy !req
387. you and the peopleCopy !req
388. what do you thinkCopy !req
389. my nephew's chancesCopy !req
390. are right now?Copy !req
391. Don't get too attachedCopy !req
392. to the boy.Copy !req
393. He's still goingCopy !req
394. to have trouble?Copy !req
395. Yes. Big trouble.Copy !req
396. Hey, why'd you do that?Copy !req
397. 'Cause it's ugly...Copy !req
398. like you.Copy !req
399. Stop.Copy !req
400. Stop!Copy !req
401. What are you goingCopy !req
402. to do, cry, baby?Copy !req
403. No, no, but... but yo mama criedCopy !req
404. when you were born.Copy !req
405. Look at that little sissy.Copy !req
406. Ow, my eye.Copy !req
407. Sorry, Byron.Copy !req
408. I don't play!Copy !req
409. I don't play!Copy !req
410. I don't play!Copy !req
411. How'd it go today, son?Copy !req
412. Okay.Copy !req
413. Anybody pick on you?Copy !req
414. No. Nobody.Copy !req
415. I just did what you told meCopy !req
416. and acted like you.Copy !req
417. Now, nobody bothers me.Copy !req
418. My boy.Copy !req
419. You know what I'm saying!Copy !req
420. Guess who had a good dayCopy !req
421. in school today, baby?Copy !req
422. Little Harry Potter himself.Copy !req
423. And his magic tricks.Copy !req
424. The boy managed to conjure upCopy !req
425. some self-confidence.Copy !req
426. I told you, baby.Copy !req
427. All the boy had to doCopy !req
428. was go to schoolCopy !req
429. and act like Bernie Mac.Copy !req
430. And I bet nobody'dCopy !req
431. mess with him.Copy !req
432. I told him that.Copy !req
433. He did it, too.Copy !req
434. Baby? What?Copy !req
435. Hello?Copy !req
436. Who?Copy !req
437. Yeah, this is Bernie Mac.Copy !req
438. Ho-Hold on, hold on, hold on.Copy !req
439. How you know your sonCopy !req
440. wasn't picking on him?Copy !req
441. And he wasn't defending himself?Copy !req
442. No, I ain't calling you no liar.Copy !req
443. But I'm saying you do soundCopy !req
444. a little hot-tempered right now.Copy !req
445. And if your son act anythingCopy !req
446. the way you acting right nowCopy !req
447. I can... Hello?Copy !req
448. Uh...Copy !req
449. Hate people that trip.Copy !req
450. They be callingCopy !req
451. the wrong numberCopy !req
452. and tripping.Copy !req
453. Come on, heads up.Copy !req
454. Hey! I was listening.Copy !req
455. Jordan, I want youCopy !req
456. to listen.Copy !req
457. And listen well,Copy !req
458. because I'm onlyCopy !req
459. going to ask you thisCopy !req
460. one time.Copy !req
461. Did you pick a fightCopy !req
462. in school today?Copy !req
463. No.Copy !req
464. Because I just got off the phoneCopy !req
465. with the fatherCopy !req
466. of the boy who said you did.Copy !req
467. I didn't start it.Copy !req
468. He was picking on me.Copy !req
469. So, you were sticking upCopy !req
470. for yourself, right?Copy !req
471. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
472. You're not lying to meCopy !req
473. are you, son?Copy !req
474. Uncle Bernie, I promise.Copy !req
475. I'm not lying to you.Copy !req
476. He's lying. He's lyingCopy !req
477. through his flippin' teeth.Copy !req
478. It's to be expected.Copy !req
479. The boy's a bad seed.Copy !req
480. Hey, hey,Copy !req
481. Father Cronin...Copy !req
482. I don't believe that.Copy !req
483. I mean, Jordan's just too softCopy !req
484. to lie to my face.Copy !req
485. People rarely want to believeCopy !req
486. their child is the problem.Copy !req
487. Don't you think it was hardCopy !req
488. for the Apostles to believeCopy !req
489. that one of their ownCopy !req
490. would betray Christ?Copy !req
491. And yet,Copy !req
492. there he was.Copy !req
493. Judas.Copy !req
494. Sitting there, eating His bodyCopy !req
495. and drinking His blood.Copy !req
496. Mr. Mac, come take a look seeCopy !req
497. at your own little Judas.Copy !req
498. The nuns refer to himCopy !req
499. as "the Holy Terror."Copy !req
500. What's got into you, Jordan?Copy !req
501. You don't go around pickingCopy !req
502. fights like that.Copy !req
503. Who told you to act like that?Copy !req
504. You did.Copy !req
505. Me? I didn't tell you to actCopy !req
506. like a little doggone bully.Copy !req
507. You told me to act like you.Copy !req
508. You saying I'm a bully?Copy !req
509. I ain't no bully.Copy !req
510. I'm going to show youCopy !req
511. a doggone bully.Copy !req
512. You come here.Copy !req
513. Welcome back.Copy !req
514. When you thinkCopy !req
515. of boxing's biggest bulliesCopy !req
516. you think of menCopy !req
517. with menacing, icy staresCopy !req
518. that could freezeCopy !req
519. their opponents cold.Copy !req
520. Brutes who beat their foesCopy !req
521. into submission.Copy !req
522. Men whose very names struck fearCopy !req
523. in the hearts of giants.Copy !req
524. Men like Sonny Liston,Copy !req
525. Big George ForemanCopy !req
526. Mike Tyson, Bernie Mac.Copy !req
527. These bullies...Copy !req
528. Hold on, Ray, Ray.Copy !req
529. Ray, hold on, now.Copy !req
530. What?Copy !req
531. I ain't no bully.Copy !req
532. What are you saying?Copy !req
533. I'm saying I don'tCopy !req
534. know where you thinkCopy !req
535. I'm a bully from.Copy !req
536. Well, Bernie, if you checkCopy !req
537. your record out, it's clear.Copy !req
538. You've always been a bully.Copy !req
539. That's not true.Copy !req
540. That ain't true.Copy !req
541. Not true?Copy !req
542. No.Copy !req
543. Okay, let's go to videotape.Copy !req
544. Hey, baby girl.Copy !req
545. Can I watch TV with you?Copy !req
546. Okay.Copy !req
547. Okay, thank you.Copy !req
548. Hey!Copy !req
549. Hey.Copy !req
550. Oh, don't cry, Bryana.Copy !req
551. Bears are going to win.Copy !req
552. Watch, they're going to win.Copy !req
553. in the passing game,Copy !req
554. have problems on the run...Copy !req
555. What a terrible mismatch.Copy !req
556. A heavyweight versusCopy !req
557. a flyweight.Copy !req
558. Picking on a little girl.Copy !req
559. I don't want to doCopy !req
560. this no more, Ray.Copy !req
561. And now, the main eventCopy !req
562. where we profile the seriesCopy !req
563. of boutsCopy !req
564. between BernieCopy !req
565. and his greatest rivalCopy !req
566. little "Magic Man" Jordan.Copy !req
567. You're not funny.Copy !req
568. ( bell ringsCopy !req
569. and punches landing )Copy !req
570. Down he goes.Copy !req
571. I won!Copy !req
572. I got the high score.Copy !req
573. I beat your record.Copy !req
574. J... O...Copy !req
575. R... D...Copy !req
576. Aw, man!Copy !req
577. Look what happened.Copy !req
578. It just came out.Copy !req
579. It just came out.Copy !req
580. It just came out.Copy !req
581. Get in there, boy,Copy !req
582. before I throw you in.Copy !req
583. I don't wantCopy !req
584. to take a bath.Copy !req
585. Shut up!Copy !req
586. I don't wantCopy !req
587. to take a...Copy !req
588. Hey, that was my brownie.Copy !req
589. No, it wasn't.Copy !req
590. Yes, it was.Copy !req
591. No, it wasn't.Copy !req
592. Yes, it was.Copy !req
593. Mm-mmm.Copy !req
594. Yes, it was.Copy !req
595. Hmm.Copy !req
596. It was in a bagCopy !req
597. with my name on it.Copy !req
598. Hmm.Copy !req
599. Yeah.Copy !req
600. We're family.Copy !req
601. I want you to leave.Copy !req
602. Okay.Copy !req
603. Bully.Copy !req
604. I ain't no bully.Copy !req
605. I know you-all don't thinkCopy !req
606. I'm no bully, do you?Copy !req
607. Well, you all can get outCopy !req
608. of my house, too.Copy !req
609. He lucky he left when he did.Copy !req
610. Huh, Sugar!Copy !req
611. He retired.Copy !req
612. He ain't got like that no more.Copy !req
613. He gone, ain't he?Copy !req
614. Jordan, I want to talkCopy !req
615. to you for a minute.Copy !req
616. Move, Uncle Bernie.Copy !req
617. I don't play.Copy !req
618. That's exactly what I wantCopy !req
619. to talk to you about.Copy !req
620. Jordan, look.Copy !req
621. I apologize to you, okay?Copy !req
622. Because, first of all,Copy !req
623. you're right.Copy !req
624. I am a bully.Copy !req
625. And worse than that, manCopy !req
626. I've been teaching youCopy !req
627. to be a bully.Copy !req
628. That's okay,Copy !req
629. Uncle Bernie.Copy !req
630. It works for me.Copy !req
631. Now you can turn on the TV.Copy !req
632. Son, you're not listening to me.Copy !req
633. I'm trying to teach youCopy !req
634. that being a bully is wrong.Copy !req
635. But I was gettingCopy !req
636. picked on before.Copy !req
637. Now nobody picks on me.Copy !req
638. I get what I want, andCopy !req
639. I even get extra stuff.Copy !req
640. Look, I took thisCopy !req
641. pen off of Eugene.Copy !req
642. It has a naked ladyCopy !req
643. on it, look!Copy !req
644. Give me this.Copy !req
645. It's not funny.Copy !req
646. And this is going back.Copy !req
647. And I want youCopy !req
648. to promise meCopy !req
649. that you're going to stop beingCopy !req
650. a bully at school, Jordan.Copy !req
651. Okay.Copy !req
652. Don't "okay" me.Copy !req
653. Look at me and tell meCopy !req
654. that you'll stop being a bully.Copy !req
655. Okay, Uncle Bernie,Copy !req
656. I promise.Copy !req
657. I won't be aCopy !req
658. bully at school.Copy !req
659. Thank you.Copy !req
660. Hey, that's mine.Copy !req
661. So? Get another one.Copy !req
662. That's the last one.Copy !req
663. What is wrong with you?Copy !req
664. Aunt Wanda, I wantCopy !req
665. to go to the mall.Copy !req
666. Aunt Wanda!Copy !req
667. Jordan, honey,Copy !req
668. I'm on the phone.Copy !req
669. Talk later, I wantCopy !req
670. to go to the mall.Copy !req
671. What did I just say?Copy !req
672. No, I...Copy !req
673. I said I want toCopy !req
674. go to the mall.Copy !req
675. Right, that would be nice.Copy !req
676. Now, come on!Copy !req
677. So, why couldn't that be...?Copy !req
678. I don't play.Copy !req
679. Ooh... "I don't play."Copy !req
680. Ooh, boy must be out of his mindCopy !req
681. to talk to me like that.Copy !req
682. No, I'm sorry.Copy !req
683. I'm listening. What...?Copy !req
684. Today!Copy !req
685. Ooh, oh, my God!Copy !req
686. Give it back!Copy !req
687. Give me backCopy !req
688. my Crazy String!Copy !req
689. You want your Crazy String back?Copy !req
690. You want your Crazy String back?Copy !req
691. Yeah!Copy !req
692. Here's your Crazy String.Copy !req
693. Jordan, no!Copy !req
694. No!Copy !req
695. Jordan, no!Copy !req
696. No!Copy !req
697. Maybe you can kindCopy !req
698. of burn it outCopy !req
699. or something.Copy !req
700. What?Copy !req
701. Hey, what's going onCopy !req
702. in there?Copy !req
703. It's Jordan.Copy !req
704. He's terrorizingCopy !req
705. the whole house.Copy !req
706. Look what he didCopy !req
707. to Bryana.Copy !req
708. It won't come out.Copy !req
709. You've got to doCopy !req
710. something, Bernie.Copy !req
711. You made this mess.Copy !req
712. You fix it.Copy !req
713. You know what to do.Copy !req
714. Vanessa?Copy !req
715. We don't really need a brother.Copy !req
716. Go ahead.Copy !req
717. Do your thing.Copy !req
718. Wait.Copy !req
719. You can't.Copy !req
720. Now, that's the problem,Copy !req
721. America.Copy !req
722. You can beat some of the peopleCopy !req
723. some of the timeCopy !req
724. but you can't beat your kids.Copy !req
725. But see, this is my fault.Copy !req
726. I led by bad example,Copy !req
727. and I created a monster.Copy !req
728. Now I have to destroyCopy !req
729. the monster.Copy !req
730. Now, see, with Dracula,Copy !req
731. you use a wooden stake.Copy !req
732. Wolfman, the silver bullet.Copy !req
733. And with little boys,Copy !req
734. you use the belt.Copy !req
735. But I've been strippedCopy !req
736. of my weaponsCopy !req
737. so how am I going to protectCopy !req
738. the villagers?Copy !req
739. Bernie Mac doesn't need a belt.Copy !req
740. Bernie?Copy !req
741. Jordan!Copy !req
742. Jordan!Copy !req
743. You can't hurt him.Copy !req
744. What kind of messageCopy !req
745. would that send?Copy !req
746. Oh, I'm going to...Copy !req
747. I can't find himCopy !req
748. anywhere.Copy !req
749. I don't think he'sCopy !req
750. in the house.Copy !req
751. There he is.Copy !req
752. Get him, Uncle Bernie.Copy !req
753. I'm going to getCopy !req
754. him, too, baby.Copy !req
755. Bernie, it looks likeCopy !req
756. he's going to pick aCopy !req
757. fight with the kids.Copy !req
758. I see it, baby.Copy !req
759. I see it.Copy !req
760. We should stop him.Copy !req
761. No, no, no, no,Copy !req
762. no, no, no, no.Copy !req
763. This just might beCopy !req
764. the lesson he deserves.Copy !req
765. Come on back, come on.Copy !req
766. Sometimes, when an animalCopy !req
767. is wounded,Copy !req
768. it is at its most dangerous.Copy !req
769. Uppercut, Jordan, duck!Copy !req
770. Duck! Yeah.Copy !req
771. Bernie Mac!Copy !req
772. I don't know who'sCopy !req
773. worse, you or...Copy !req
774. Jordan, look out.Copy !req
775. There's one behind you!Copy !req
776. Yeah!Copy !req
777. Tasting bloodCopy !req
778. an animal's natural instinctCopy !req
779. is to finish off its prey...Copy !req
780. except the human animal,Copy !req
781. which has a conscience.Copy !req
782. Son, I am reallyCopy !req
783. proud of you.Copy !req
784. Why? I got beat up by a girl.Copy !req
785. And you had her downCopy !req
786. on the ground.Copy !req
787. You did the right thing.Copy !req
788. You stopped yourself.Copy !req
789. She looked really afraid.Copy !req
790. I mean... it madeCopy !req
791. me feel bad.Copy !req
792. That's good.Copy !req
793. You know what that tells you?Copy !req
794. You're not a bully.Copy !req
795. Yeah, I guess.Copy !req
796. Hmm.Copy !req
797. Uncle Bernie?Copy !req
798. Mm-hmm?Copy !req
799. I should give EugeneCopy !req
800. back his pen.Copy !req
801. Oh, you think so?Copy !req
802. No, son, I think Eugene needsCopy !req
803. to learn a lesson, too.Copy !req
804. You ain't been lookingCopy !req
805. at this, have you?Copy !req
806. It's disgusting.Copy !req
807. [Captioned byCopy !req
808. the Media Access Group at WGBH]Copy !req
809. Hey, want to showCopy !req
810. me a magic trick?Copy !req
811. Okay, um...Copy !req
812. Okay, I can makeCopy !req
813. a dollar disappear.Copy !req
814. I got a 20.Copy !req
815. All right,Copy !req
816. let me see it.Copy !req
817. One...Copy !req
818. two...Copy !req
819. three.Copy !req
820. Why, you little...Copy !req
821. I'm sorry, America.Copy !req
822. I did the best I could.Copy !req
823. A man got to be who he is.Copy !req
824. Jordan!Copy !req
825. Jordan!Copy !req
826. Watch out, watch out.Copy !req
827. Sister, look out.Copy !req
828. Excuse me?Copy !req
829. Excuse me?Copy !req
830. Excuse me?Copy !req
831. Jordan!Copy !req