1. Captioning sponsored by
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2. FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
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3. and REGENCY TELEVISION
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4. America...
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5. you've seen me every week.
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6. You know how much
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7. I do for those kids.
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8. Bernie Mac is a giver
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9. and those kids ain't
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10. nothing but takers.
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11. Over these last few months,
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12. these kids have committed acts
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13. that was unspeakable.
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14. Stopped up my toilets, scratched
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15. my album and dented my car
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16. but now they've gone
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17. one step beyond.
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18. They've done the unthinkable.
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19. They ate my chicken.
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20. Who ate my chicken?
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21. I got one rule
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22. when I come from a gig,
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23. and what is it?
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24. How'd your gig go?
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25. Don't ask me
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26. nothin' stupid, Jordan.
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27. Sorry.
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28. Yeah, you are sorry.
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29. Your problem starts
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30. when you ate my chicken.
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31. Matter of fact,
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32. you open your mouth.
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33. Let me smell your breath.
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34. Bernie!
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35. Come here.
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36. Hey, take a message, baby!
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37. I'm getting ready
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38. to expose a criminal.
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39. Open your mouth.
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40. You crazy.
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41. Yeah, I'm crazy
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42. when somebody
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43. eats my chicken.
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44. Baby, please listen.
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45. I'm conducting
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46. an investigation.
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47. It was D from Chicago.
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48. Your Uncle Elister
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49. passed away.
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50. How?
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51. In his sleep last night.
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52. Honey, I'm so sorry.
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53. My Uncle Elister
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54. was very special.
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55. Well, he wasn't actually
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56. my blood uncle
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57. but he lived across
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58. the street from us
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59. when I was growing up.
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60. He practically
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61. raised me, you know.
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62. I remember my Uncle Elister
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63. bought my first bike.
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64. He taught me how to ride.
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65. He picked me up
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66. when I fell off of it
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67. and he comforted me
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68. when someone stole it.
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69. Baby, I'm going to...
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70. have to go to Chicago
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71. and pay my respects.
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72. Baby, we'll all go.
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73. I know.
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74. We're going
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75. to Chicago?
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76. Can we see our mom?
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77. Oh, Nessa, please.
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78. Of course you can see your mom.
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79. Without a doubt.
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80. It's time for family.
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81. You know what, Wanda?
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82. I never got a chance
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83. to really thank him
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84. for supporting me
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85. and believing in me.
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86. I never, ever, ever got
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87. a chance to thank him.
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88. Baby, I think he knows
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89. how much you care.
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90. Aunt Wanda.
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91. Have you seen my pirate cape?
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92. Honey, I'll help
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93. you pack.
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94. Know what, Jordan?
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95. Don't be like
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96. your Uncle Bernie
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97. and wait till somebody die
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98. before you get a chance
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99. to tell them you love them.
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100. Mm-mm. No way.
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101. Don't be like me.
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102. Uncle Bernie, I...
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103. I...
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104. I ate your chicken.
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105. Jordan...
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106. don't worry about it.
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107. Look at that champagne.
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108. Bernie Mac in coach.
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109. You doggone
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110. kids.
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111. Yeah, right
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112. back at you.
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113. Hey! Turn around!
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114. Leave my Uncle Bernie
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115. alone!
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116. He's 'motional.
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117. Yeah, 'motional.
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118. This is our first
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119. trip as a family.
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120. Can I go sit
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121. by the window?
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122. Go ahead.
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123. Ow!
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124. Oh, ma'am, ma'am,
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125. ma'am, miss.
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126. I'm ready for my meal right now.
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127. Ladies and gentlemen,
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128. welcome to Chicago O'Hare.
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129. Oh, yeah. Chicago.
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130. I'm home, baby.
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131. Just a little bad news.
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132. The ground crew has informed us
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133. that some of the luggage didn't
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134. quite make the flight.
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135. Oh...
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136. Oh, goodness.
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137. Hi, baby.
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138. Baby.
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139. Hey, Mama Liva.
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140. Oh, come on
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141. in here, boy.
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142. Oh, Beanie
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143. your uncle would have
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144. been so glad you came.
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145. Oh, Mama Liva, you kidding, man?
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146. Y'all my family.
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147. Shoot, I'd have walked here.
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148. Bernie Bern Bern.
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149. Hey, what's up, D?
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150. What's up, big brother?
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151. What's up, man?
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152. Man, sorry I couldn't
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153. get here earlier.
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154. Oh, that ain't nothing.
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155. You know how it is
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156. working for the man.
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157. I mean, the supervisor
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158. want a brother
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159. to work the whole
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160. 9:00 to 5:00, man.
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161. Hey, D, I'm truly sorry
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162. about your dad, man, really.
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163. It's heavy.
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164. I can still smell him
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165. on his coat.
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166. Hey, how'd they let you on
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167. the plane with that weapon?
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168. I ain't got no weapon.
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169. What you talking about?
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170. Wanda, man.
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171. She's like a fine
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172. bomb, boom!
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173. Hi, D.
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174. Hey, Wanda.
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175. Hey, kids.
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176. Look at these kids.
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177. Last time I saw y'all,
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178. I was bringing that
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179. couch over to y'all's house.
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180. Remember when
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181. I was bringing that couch
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182. over to y'all's
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183. house?
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184. Man, them kids
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185. love me, Bernie.
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186. Yeah, I see.
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187. Everybody loves you, D.
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188. Named it Earl.
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189. Oh, he was
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190. a good man.
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191. He really loved
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192. you boys.
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193. I know, Mama.
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194. Hey, listen,
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195. you kids
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196. why don't you all
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197. go in the front
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198. and watch television
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199. while us grown folks
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200. sit here and talk
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201. a little while, okay?
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202. Go ahead,
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203. go ahead.
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204. Okay.
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205. And if you lose the picture,
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206. just jiggle the hanger.
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207. And we only get
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208. channel two.
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209. Mama Liva
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210. why don't you let us take care
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211. of the funeral arrangement?
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212. I mean, it would
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213. do my heart
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214. real good,
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215. please.
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216. Oh, no, no.
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217. You're such an angel,
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218. but D's taking care
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219. of everything.
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220. That's right; it's going
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221. to be beautiful, Mama.
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222. I know it is.
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223. Let me help you.
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224. Bernie, let me put this
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225. bug in your ear over here.
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226. Hey, um
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227. now I'm going to handle
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228. everything, right
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229. but I'm still waiting
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230. for Daddy's check from
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231. the government, man.
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232. You know how slow
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233. they can be.
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234. Hey, maybe you don't
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235. remember, you know.
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236. You're big time and
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237. everything now, but
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238. could you float me
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239. for a minute, man?
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240. He did not just say that.
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241. He did not
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242. just ask me for money.
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243. Oh... D!
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244. Had to ruin everything.
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245. America, I know we all got
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246. somebody in our family
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247. just like this, too.
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248. And if you don't think so,
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249. then it's you.
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250. D, why don't we go down in the
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251. morning and take care of it.
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252. You my dog, man.
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253. Yeah.
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254. And, hey, you already
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255. offered anyway, right?
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256. Mama, I get that,
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257. I get that.
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258. Now this is one
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259. of our best sellers.
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260. White oak.
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261. Very nice,
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262. very understated.
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263. No, no, no,
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264. no, no, no, no.
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265. Mm-mm, no.
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266. What's wrong, D?
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267. Come on, Bern,
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268. this looks like
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269. somebody's shop
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270. class project.
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271. Thing can't cost more
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272. than $200, man.
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273. Well, well, what
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274. do you suggest, D?
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275. Bernie, when Biggie died...
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276. R.I.P.
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277. they put the brother
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278. in a gold coffin
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279. lined with
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280. velvet.
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281. It had his initials
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282. in diamonds on
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283. the top of it.
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284. I know this man ain't
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285. trying to tell me
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286. my daddy ain't
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287. as good as Biggie.
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288. We do special
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289. requests
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290. but it can get a bit expensive.
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291. Hey, man, hey.
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292. My father died.
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293. Now I know we ain't up in here
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294. trying to pinch pennies.
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295. Ain't that right, Bern?
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296. Um... I mean, let's just hear
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297. what the man got to say, D.
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298. And just walk around
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299. see if we can pick out
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300. something more proper.
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301. Okay, you're right.
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302. You're right.
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303. Maybe something
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304. like solid teak?
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305. Ebony wood,
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306. something like that?
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307. I think my Daddy's
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308. worth it, right?
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309. This is expensive.
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310. And it don't even move.
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311. What is that?
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312. Rustproof.
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313. Air con...
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314. This is some...
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315. Let's move on.
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316. Thanks, cuz.
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317. I think we really did
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318. right by Daddy back there.
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319. Yeah, Mama Liva'll
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320. be proud.
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321. Come on, I want
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322. to show you something.
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323. Now, see, what may look like
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324. an ordinary old church to you
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325. to me... it's a club.
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326. A club?
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327. A comedy club.
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328. Now hold on, stand
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329. right over here.
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330. Now over here,
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331. this is the stage, okay?
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332. Now right, we're
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333. going to put a bar.
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334. And this wall,
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335. just get rid of it.
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336. Knock this
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337. whole thing out.
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338. Extend the seating
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339. out that way.
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340. And right here
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341. where you're standing
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342. that's the
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343. dance floor.
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344. Check it out,
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345. I got a name, okay.
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346. You ain't going to believe this.
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347. "Buster Guts."
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348. You get it?
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349. It's like "bust a gut"
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350. but it's "bust-er gut."
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351. Now that's comedy, man.
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352. What do you think?
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353. D, listen, you know
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354. you have to really
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355. know what you're doing
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356. to put up a club and
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357. it cost a lot of money.
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358. Money ain't a thing, man.
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359. That's where you come in.
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360. You're gonna give me
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361. the seed money
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362. to get it started
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363. because the way I figure it
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364. if you got ten grand
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365. to dump into the ground
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366. you definitely
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367. got ten grand
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368. to launch a dream.
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369. Woo.
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370. Why does he do this? Why?
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371. Why does D do this?
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372. You know, maybe D has changed.
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373. I shouldn't judge him, America.
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374. I shouldn't judge him
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375. by his past.
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376. Maybe it's probably just a loan.
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377. And I'm sure he's got every
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378. intention on paying me back.
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379. The nerve of that damn fool
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380. askin' me for ten
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381. damn thousand dollars.
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382. I should have given him
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383. 10,000 kicks right in the crack
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384. of his damn ass.
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385. That's what I should have did.
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386. Okay, I'm going
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387. to give him the money.
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388. But this time
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389. we put it on paper
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390. and he got to have a solid
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391. business plan
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392. and it better be notarized.
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393. Bernie Mac is depressed.
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394. Damn, damn, damn!
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395. Well, mm...
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396. D is D.
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397. Hello.
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398. No, I didn't have
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399. no wake-up call, sweetheart.
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400. You got the wrong number.
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401. I ordered it.
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402. Mom can have visitors at 8:00
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403. so we have to be
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404. on the road by 7:30.
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405. You have about five minutes.
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406. All of our patients
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407. are in their rooms
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408. right now for private
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409. reflection time.
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410. We set visiting hours
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411. to coincide with this time
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412. because it's nice
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413. and peaceful and quiet.
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414. Okay.
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415. I made that.
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416. Stacy, you have visitors.
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417. Stacy?
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418. Where's Mommy?
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419. That's a very
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420. good question.
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421. Excuse me.
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422. Bob, it's Donna.
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423. We have a situation.
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424. Maybe it'd be better
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425. if you came back later.
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426. Hey, listen, we're going to go.
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427. We'll see your mother
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428. at the funeral, okay?
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429. Come on, baby girl.
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430. Come on, Jordan.
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431. Let's move on.
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432. Hey, y'all.
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433. Y'all ready?
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434. Uncle Bernie...
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435. Huh?
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436. I don't want to see dead people.
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437. You're not going to see
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438. any dead people, baby.
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439. We're just going to go
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440. say a few nice words
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441. and pay our respects.
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442. When you die,
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443. I'm going to say my respects.
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444. Uncle Bernie, when you die
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445. can I have your house?
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446. I'm going to outlive y'all.
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447. Hello?
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448. Stacey.
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449. Hey, girl, what happened to you?
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450. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, hold...
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451. Hold on now.
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452. Watch your tone.
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453. Watch how you're talking to me.
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454. You sitting up there
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455. gonna try to trip on me.
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456. I'm trying to do you a favor.
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457. I bring your kids to see you,
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458. you ain't there.
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459. You trying to get better?
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460. H-Hello?
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461. Hello?
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462. She got a lot of nerve, America.
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463. How do I get to be the bad guy
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464. after all I've done?
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465. Taking those kids in?
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466. She's lucky I've actually grown
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467. fond of the ungrateful urchins.
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468. I mean, America, no good deed...
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469. no good deed.
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470. She gonna trip out on me.
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471. Junkie.
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472. That's right.
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473. Okay, what you call it?
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474. Okay? I thought so.
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475. Psst. Psst.
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476. Psst.
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477. Psst.
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478. What?
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479. I was thinking
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480. about our club.
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481. You know who we should get
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482. for our opening night act?
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483. Chris Tucker, boy.
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484. He really made me
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485. laugh, you know.
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486. D. D...
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487. This ain't the time
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488. or the place, man.
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489. My God.
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490. You right, you right.
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491. I'll holler at you
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492. over by the crypt.
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493. What do you think about
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494. topless waitresses?
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495. D, I'm here to pay my last
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496. respects to your father.
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497. No, no, your father.
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498. I know,
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499. I'm just saying...
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500. I know what you're
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501. saying, D. Shut up.
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502. Let us pray.
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503. Nighttime daycare.
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504. Mull that one over.
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505. White liquor nights.
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506. What's the first thing
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507. pop into your head?
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508. White people, right?
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509. But it ain't white people.
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510. It's white liquor.
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511. You get it? It's like
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512. a double, um, entourage...
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513. entree... what's the word?
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514. ( voice cracking ):
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515. Bye, Daddy.
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516. I will give thanks to the Lord.
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517. Hey, Bern, I got this cat
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518. who got a line on
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519. a liquor license.
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520. You want to holler
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521. at him real quick?
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522. Some other time, D.
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523. But he's on the phone
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524. right now, man.
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525. He's a busy man.
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526. It's not like he's going
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527. to hang around forever.
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528. You want me to tell him
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529. to call back later?
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530. I'll tell him
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531. to call back later.
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532. Thou has set on the throne
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533. given righteous judgment.
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534. Give me this doggone phone.
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535. Give it here, D!
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536. Before we commit
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537. Elister's body
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538. to the ground
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539. would someone like to say
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540. a few kind words
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541. about this gentle soul?
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542. I was just saying...
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543. This brother getting on my...
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544. All you ever wanted
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545. was a handout.
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546. You dirty, greedy bastard!
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547. All you ever did in your life
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548. is take, take, take.
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549. Why? All you did was sit
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550. in the house and watch TV.
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551. Now you getting just
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552. what the heck you deserve
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553. and that's nothing.
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554. Nothing!
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555. It ain't a person up in here
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556. don't feel the same.
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557. Lord, I feel so much better
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558. getting this off my chest
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559. I swear to God.
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560. Go to hell!
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561. I mean, it's
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562. okay, Bernie.
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563. I know how much
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564. you love your uncle.
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565. I ruined the burial,
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566. didn't I?
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567. Oh, you didn't ruin anything.
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568. I know how D can
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569. drive a man crazy.
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570. Mama Liva, I was thinking
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571. about lending D the money
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572. to open up a comedy club.
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573. Well, Bernie, you might as well
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574. just give me the money
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575. let me flush it down the toilet.
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576. 'Cause that's exactly
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577. what he's going to do.
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578. Oh, Mama Liva.
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579. Now, he's my son,
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580. and I love him.
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581. But the boy is trifling.
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582. Now you keep your money.
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583. I'm just so sorry
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584. I didn't get a chance
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585. to pay my respect to Uncle E.
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586. Oh, baby.
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587. You showed your respect
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588. while he was alive
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589. and that's what counts.
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590. Oh, Mama Liva, thanks.
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591. I love old people.
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592. You know, just when you think
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593. you know everything
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594. they drop some knowledge on you
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595. and open your eyes.
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596. Sometime when you think
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597. you're protecting them
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598. it's them protecting you.
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599. Respect your elders, America.
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600. And pay those respect
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601. like you're supposed
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602. to pay your bills—
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603. I mean, on time.
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604. Don't wait
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605. till the fifth and final notice.
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606. Y'all know who you are.
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607. Oh, you know.
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608. You put your foot in this
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609. this time.
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610. I almost forgot how good
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611. your homecooked food
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612. taste like, girl.
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613. Well, let's see if
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614. you remember this.
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615. Mm... Look at that.
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616. Let me see.
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617. That's your Uncle Elister
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618. right there, and that's me.
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619. Every Sunday he used to take me
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620. fishing right over there
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621. that little lake over there?
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622. And that's my first fish.
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623. He even named it.
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624. Oh, now I don't know
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625. about all of that.
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626. Named it Earl.
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627. Named it Earl.
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628. Captioning sponsored by
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629. FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
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630. and REGENCY TELEVISION
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631. Captioned by
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632. Media Access Group at WGBH
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