The Ben Stiller Show 1x7

Directed by Troy Miller

Special guest star Rob Morrow joins the cast to introduce several comedy sketches.Sketches include: Counting With Bruce Springsteen Grady's Oats The Grungies Ben Stiller's Wheel Of Filler-Jewish Fly Guys Ben Stiller's Video Diary Of Buildings And Women Grady's Oats Part 2 The Grungies

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. HEY! HOW YOU DOING? WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

2. I'M BEN STILLER AND THIS WEEK

3. WE'RE IN DOWNTOWN L.A., AND I'M VERY EXCITED

4. ROB MORROW,

5. STAR OF NORTHERN EXPOSURE, IS GONNA BE HERE.

6. SO IT'S GONNA BE GREAT.

7. WE GO WAY BACK, THE OLD NEW YORK DAYS.

8. IT'S GOING TO BE FUN. SO I'LL SEE YOU AFTER THIS.

9. HEY, KIDS, IT'S TIME FOR COUNTING WITH BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN.

10. HMM! HAW! HMM!

11. HAAY! HAAY! HAAY!

12. HA! YEAH!

13. ALRIGHT.

14. WHAT DID I GET UP TO?

15. WE'RE BACK, AND I'M REALLY EXCITED 'CAUSE ROB MORROW'S GOING TO BE HERE.

16. ROB MORROW? THAT IS SO COOL. I LOVE HIM.

17. YEAH, HE'S GREAT. HE'S AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE.

18. THAT SHOW?

19. UH, NO. I'VE NEVER, I'VE SEEN PARTS OF IT.

20. I KNOW IT'S GOT A GREAT REPUTATION,

21. BUT I'VE NEVER

22. IT'S REALLY GOOD. IT'S REALLY GOOD.

23. YOU AUDITIONED FOR THAT, DIDN'T YOU?

24. UH, I DON'T REMEMBER. IT WAS—

25. YOU KNOW, YOU WENT ON SO MANY AUDITIONS AS AN ACTOR.

26. HARD TO FORGET THAT.

27. IT'S SUCH A SMASH HIT.

28. RIGHT. WHY DON'T WE GO TO THIS,

29. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK? I DON'T

30. TOO BAD YOU DIDN'T GET THAT.

31. I DON'T REMEMBER IF I AUDITIONED FOR IT.

32. I CAN'T REMEMBER.

33. WHATEVER.

34. I HATE WAKING UP.

35. HEY, GUYS, HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR COFFEE?

36. RARE.

37. THOUGHT SO.

38. WHOA. IT'S MR. ADULT, OUR MANAGER.

39. HEY, BOYS, I HAVE TO TELL YOU,

40. APARTMENT IN SEATTLE.

41. IT'S A FREAKING WAR ZONE.

42. PEARL JAM, 12:00 HIGH.

43. AAH!

44. OH, BUT WE LIKE IT THIS WAY.

45. LOOK, I DON'T GIVE A FIG HOW YOU LIVE,

46. PLAY GREAT TONIGHT.

47. WHY SHOULD WE?

48. I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

49. ARTISTS RECORDS WILL BE HERE.

50. SEATTLE'S HOTTEST BAND.

51. OF THIS, MR. ADULT

52. AT LAST NIGHT'S ANNUAL SEATTLE GRUNGE-OFF CONCERT.

53. WHAT? LOOK, I DON'T CARE HOW,

54. ONSTAGE ANTICS TONIGHT.

55. AND BLOW THIS RECORD DEAL,

56. LIFE OUT OF YOU.

57. I HATE THAT GUY.

58. YEAH, BUT WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

59. I DON'T KNOW.

60. HEY!

61. LET'S ASK TORK.

62. TORK...

63. WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO?

64. HEY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

65. LET'S ASK GOO IF WE CAN BORROW HER BAND'S INSTRUMENTS.

66. GOO?

67. YEAH, LIKE IN GOO-GOO GA-GA.

68. GOO GOO GAA GAA.

69. HEY, GIRLS, CHECK OUT WHO'S HERE.

70. IT'S THE LAST-PLACE LOSERS OF THE SEATTLE GRUNGE-OFF.

71. THEY WANT, GOO?

72. OUR INSTRUMENTS.

73. YOUR INSTRUMENTS?

74. DAMN, GOO, YOU MUST BE PSYCHIC.

75. YOU GUYS CAN JUST FORGET IT.

76. THERE'S NO WAY...

77. OKAY.

78. FOR ONE NIGHT.

79. BUT IF YOU SMASH THEM,

80. I'LL KICK EACH

81. OF YOUR BUTTS.

82. HEY, WE'RE HERE WITH ROB MORROW.

83. ROB, THANKS FOR COMING ON THE SHOW.

84. MY PLEASURE.

85. GREAT TO HAVE YOU.

86. IT'S BEEN A WHILE. I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR...

87. IT HAS A COUPLE OF, YOU KNOW,

88. WAS AT, UH, THE AUDITION,

89. AUDITIONING FOR JOEL,

90. FOR JOEL FIRST.

91. FOR NORTHERN EXPOSURE. THAT'S RIGHT. I FORGOT ABOUT THAT.

92. I'LL NEVER FORGET BECAUSE

93. RIGHT BEFORE ME.

94. I THOUGHT, THIS IS GREAT, I GOT 15 MINUTES.

95. PART DOWN. I WAS GOING TO MEMORIZE THE LINES.

96. IT MUST HAVE BEEN, MAYBE LIKE, 15 SECONDS,

97. AND YOU CAME WALKING OUT.

98. IT WAS...

99. YES, IT WAS—

100. I MEAN, I'M SURE YOU DID A GOOD JOB.

101. A WHOLE DIFFERENT PHYSICAL TYPE.

102. NO, NO. I KNOW, 'CAUSE WE'RE NOT, I MEAN, IT WAS

103. JEWISH GUY FROM NEW YORK,

104. YOU'RE DEFINITELY NOT THAT.

105. NO.

106. RIGHT.

107. WHY DON'T WE GO TO THIS?

108. YOUR OWN SHOW, AND NOW YOU..

109. RIGHT. THIS WORKED OUT GREAT.

110. I'M REALLY GLAD I DIDN'T GET IT.

111. IT'S TIME FOR...

112. STILLER'S WHEEL OF FILLER.

113. WHERE THE WHEEL STOPS, THAT'S WHERE THE COMEDY GOES.

114. JEWISH FLY GUYS.

115. YOU KNOW, THIS OLD HOUSE

116. FOR GENERATIONS,

117. FOR ABOUT AS LONG AS WE'VE BEEN

118. GRADY'S OATS INSTANT OATMEAL

119. WITH EVERY BREAKFAST.

120. ALL ALONE NOW,

121. BEFORE ME.

122. LATE AT NIGHT.

123. THEN HE'D SLIP INTO

124. WITH PIPING HOT GRADY'S OATS INSTANT OATMEAL.

125. THEN HE'D DANCE AROUND

126. IN THE MOONLIGHT,

127. THE NEIGHBOR'S WINDOWS,

128. TO THEIR ANIMALS.

129. OUT THERE DANCING.

130. GRADY'S OATS

131. IT'S A DELICIOUS WAY TO EAT

132. TO LIVE.

133. GRADY'S OATS INSTANT OATMEAL

134. EVERYWHERE.

135. CUT.

136. THIS STUFF IS HARD!

137. IT'S HARD AS A ROCK!

138. IT'S HARDER THAN CHINESE ARITHMETIC!

139. I'M SUPPOSED TO SIT HERE AND EAT HARD OATMEAL?

140. I'LL BE IN MY TRAILER!

141. PHONE.

142. HEY, WE'RE BACK WITH ROB MORROW AND JANEANE.

143. WE'RE JUST KINDA TALKING ABOUT THE OLD DAYS.

144. BOY, I MISS THOSE, MAN. WE HUNG OUT A LOT.

145. AND LISA. WHAT A COUPLE.

146. BEN AND LISA ARE LIKE... THEY'RE SOUL MATES.

147. YOU KNOW WHAT WAS FUNNY? SHE L.A.

148. RIGHT. WE BROKE UP. BROKE UP.

149. YEAH, BUT IT'S GOOD. IT'S REALLY, IT'S BETTER OFF...

150. I JUST NEEDED SOME SPACE. I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT IT.

151. SHE'S DATING STEPHEN BALDWIN NOW, RIGHT, BEN?

152. GET OUT OF HERE! I LOVE STEPHEN BALDWIN! NO, NO.

153. CROSSING THE BRIDGE.

154. THERE'S ALEC AND BILLY AND DANNY.

155. I WOULDN'T, I MEAN, YOU DON'T LOOK OLD.

156. THERE'S NOTHING. YOU CAN'T COMPARE.

157. I'M TELLING YOU IT'S GOOD. I'M HAPPY THEY'RE DATING.

158. I MEAN, HE'S IN MOVIES, YOU'RE ON A TV SHOW.

159. RIGHT. I'M HAPPY FOR HER.

160. AND EVEN, YOU GOT A MUCH HEAVIER BEARD.

161. DON'T YOU THINK?

162. RIGHT.

163. YEAH.

164. I'M REALLY... YES.

165. YOU HAVE BETTER SIDEBURNS.

166. I'M TOTALLY WELL-ADJUSTED AND HAPPY ABOUT IT.

167. HI. UH...

168. FOR STEPHEN...

169. STUPIDHEAD BALDWIN, AND, UH, SO...

170. SO I'M RECORDING THIS

171. I'M GOING TO LAUGH AT HOW DEPRESSED I WAS.

172. I'M WATCHING THIS

173. AND... AND BABY,

174. AND, HEY, HI. HEY THERE, ME.

175. HI, BABY STILLER.

176. HOW YOU DOING, HUH?

177. LOOK AT DADDY. HE'S PRETTY SILLY, HUH?

178. HEY... GOT YOUR NOSE.

179. SO, UM...

180. I'M GOING TO RECORD AGAIN

181. IN A OF COUPLE WEEKS,

182. I'LL BE LAUGHING.

183. IT'S GOING TO BE FUNNY.

184. STEPHEN BALDWIN!

185. YECCHH!

186. STEPHEN STUPID BALDWIN!

187. I, UH, I THINK

188. I'M GOING TO BE ABLE TO LAUGH SOON.

189. HA.

190. STEPHEN BALDWIN. NO, I'M STEPHEN BALDWIN. WHO ARE YOU?

191. STEPHEN STUPID BALDWIN!

192. OH, HOW COULD STEPHEN BALDWIN!

193. OH, STEPHEN BALDWIN?

194. WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE,

195. AND SHE'S NO EXCEPTION.

196. WELL, I GOT A DATE TONIGHT WITH A VERY GORGEOUS GIRL.

197. SO, DON'T WAIT UP FOR ME, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

198. BEN STILLER IS BACK!

199. TONIGHT, THE A MAN WELCOMES, SEXY, YOUNG HEARTHROB

200. HEY, LOOK OUT!

201. WOW! I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO BRING IT UP.

202. CLEARLY IT'S-IT'S, UH, I'M SORRY, BUDDY.

203. NO, NO, IT'S OKAY.

204. LOOK, IT'S BEHIND YOU, OBVIOUSLY.

205. YOU'RE THE STAR OF YOUR OWN TV SHOW.

206. YOU'RE THE LAST GUY THAT I'D WORRY ABOUT.

207. I DIDN'T MEAN TO BRING IT UP.

208. BELIEVE ME, IT'S FINE.

209. WHO I COULD DEFINITELY...

210. OF PROSPECTS OUT THERE.

211. THERE'S NOBODY SPECIFIC RIGHT NOW,

212. BUT I DON'T WANT TO TIE MYSELF DOWN.

213. YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DON'T YOU SHOW ME SOMETHING ELSE?

214. SURE. OKAY. I'LL JUST GO TO ANOTHER PIECE.

215. WOMEN. BUILDINGS. SOMETIMES THEY ARE THE SAME THING.

216. I AM NEVER ALONE.

217. WHEREVER I GO IN THE CITY, I'M SURROUNDED BY BUILDINGS,

218. I SEE BUILDINGS,

219. THERE I SEE MY WOMEN.

220. AH, THE MUSEUM.

221. OF CHERYL.

222. OF SAD CLOWNS,

223. A CHILD COULD DO.

224. IT'S FUNNY. SHE WAS A MASTERPIECE HERSELF.

225. AH, THE OBSERVATORY.

226. I WOULD WALK ALONG IT'S DECK

227. AND PUSHED HER OVER THE EDGE.

228. I AM THE DEVIL HIMSELF.

229. I CAN'T HELP THINKING OF VIVIAN,

230. FOR SHE, TOO, HAD A LINE

231. INTO THE STREET.

232. AND SHE WORKS THERE. HELLO, VIVIAN!

233. HELLO!

234. LAURIE, SUSAN.

235. YES, CLAIRE.

236. AH, YES, THIS APARTMENT BUILDING IT REMINDS ME OF FRANK.

237. I WAS SO DRUNK THAT NIGHT! HELLO, FRANK!

238. I AM NOT ASHAMED, HA HA. SUCH IS LIFE. EH, YES?

239. THE MALL—SO MANY SHOPS,

240. I AM REMINDED OF!

241. BEFORE MY BRAIN EXPLODES!

242. I MUST LEAVE THIS CITY.

243. OH, NO.

244. OF A WOMAN!

245. TO YOU BY...

246. GRADY'S OATS INSTANT OATMEAL.

247. SUGAR. DYE. JUNK.

248. IN THE WORLD WON'T HELP YOU

249. WHEN YOU'RE UP AGAINST

250. 100% NATURAL GOODNESS.

251. GRADY'S OATS INSTANT OATMEAL

252. WHOLE GRAINS, RAISINS,

253. TENDER YOUNG OAT BUDS.

254. THE LITTLE OAT BUDS, THEY SAY, "NO, DON'T TAKE ME!

255. I'M SO TENDER!"

256. BUT THEY DO!

257. AND PUT THEM IN THEIR HANDS.

258. THE OAT BUDS GO, "NO! NO!"

259. "YES! WE'RE TAKING YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE TENDER.

260. "WE'RE GOING TO TAKE YOU AND CRUSH YOU,

261. "CRUSH YOU 'CAUSE YOU'RE DIRTY!

262. YOU'RE DIRTY, AND YOU NEED TO BE PUNISHED!"

263. GRADY'S OATS

264. A DELICIOUS WAY TO EAT...

265. WAY TO LIVE.

266. "YOU YELLED AT ME!"

267. "SHUT UP!

268. I SAID SHUT UP!"

269. LAST TIME ON THE GRUNGIES...

270. IS GOING TO BE HERE.

271. OF THIS, MR. ADULT,

272. AT LAST NIGHT'S ANNUAL SEATTLE GRUNGE-OFF CONCERT.

273. YOUR INSTRUMENTS?

274. AND NOW THE CONCLUSION OF "CAN WE BORROW YOUR INSTRUMENTS?"

275. HEY, GUYS, I WANT YOU TO MEET JOSH GOLDSILVER, PRETENTIOUS ARTISTS.

276. HEY, I'M A BIG FAN, GUYS.

277. LOVE YOU TO PIECES.

278. LOOK. I AM HIP TO THE WHOLE SEATTLE COFFEEHOUSE,

279. SLAM DANCING, STAGE-DIVING SCHMEGEGGY.

280. WHAT'S THIS GUY TALKING ABOUT?

281. LET ME PUT IT MORE SIMPLY.

282. 50 BIG ONES IN ADVANCE.

283. OH, WE GET IT.

284. WE'LL BE GREAT TONIGHT, MR. SILVERGOLD, SIR.

285. OOH!

286. GOLDSILVER.

287. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, GUYS.

288. DON'T EVER CHANGE.

289. YOU HEAR THAT?

290. DON'T FORGET

291. YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR.

292. NO SMASHING. NO DIVING. NO SLAMMING.

293. HEIGH-HO, EVERYBODY,

294. AND WELCOME TO SEATTLE'S VERY OWN CLUB PANTIES.

295. RIGHT NOW I'D LIKE

296. FOR THE NEXT CENTURY.

297. GET READY, GET SET FOR THE GRUNGIES!

298. I'M SORRY, JOSH. I TOLD THOSE

299. HEY. WHAT? FORGET IT.

300. HOT-AS-ICE, SPONTANEOUS,

301. FLAVOR.

302. I EAT THEM UP, DIG? THEY GET THE RECORD DEAL.

303. WHAT DID I TELL YOU? THEY'RE THE BEST.

304. SAY, WHERE'S THE 50,000?

305. I THOUGHT YOU HAD IT.

306. YOU HAD IT.

307. YOU HAD IT.

308. UH-OH...

309. TORK.

310. MM-MMM.

311. $50,000 WORTH OF CHINESE FOOD.

312. OH, TORK, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO BE HUNGRY AGAIN IN AN HOUR.

313. HEY, WE'RE HERE WITH ROB,

314. TOGETHER AGAIN.

315. I'D LOVE TO COME UP AND JUST MAYBE DO SOMETHING ON YOUR SHOW.

316. I WAS THINKING,

317. WHO REPLACES YOU ONE WEEK.

318. I MEAN,

319. AUDIENCES ARE VERY FICKLE.

320. AND YOU CAN'T CONFUSE THEM.

321. AND WE OBVIOUSLY HAVE THIS, I MEAN, YOU WERE UP FOR THE PART..

322. RIGHT. RIGHT.

323. MY OTHER FEAR IS, I GO TO BAT FOR YOU—

324. A LITTLE NERVOUS.

325. HERE YOU CAN DO— OBVIOUSLY, IT'S YOUR SHOW. YOU CAN..

326. YOU KNOW, OBVIOUSLY THERE'S NO SCRIPT HERE.

327. YOU WANT.

328. A TIGHT SCRIPT.

329. IT'S A REAL STRUCTURED SHOW AND...

330. WHAT IF YOU GET NERVOUS? I DON'T KNOW.

331. IT WAS NOT A GOOD DAY FOR ME.

332. WAIT A MINUTE. NO, I'M SORRY.

333. THERE WAS, WE HAVE THIS, UM,

334. WE'RE DOING THIS HUGE PARADE SCENE,

335. AUDITION THESE GUYS.

336. THEY HAD THESE GREAT MASKS. THESE LIKE KABUKI, GIANT...

337. WHOLE BODY ALMOST.

338. AND YOU COULD, YOU COULD DO THAT.

339. IT'D BE THIS GREAT LITTLE TRIVIA THING.

340. IT'D BE LIKE RYAN O'NEAL IN THE GRADUATE. I LIKE THAT.

341. A KABUKI—YOU DON'T SEE YOUR FACE AT ALL?

342. A LITTLE TIME BY MYSELF.

343. OKAY. THIS KABUKI—

344. GO LIKE THIS.

345. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

346. WHAT?

347. JUST LIKE THIS.

348. LIKE THAT? WOO!

349. ALRIGHT, WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT. WE'RE OUTTA TIME.

350. FOR COMING ON THE SHOW.

351. TO COME ON YOUR SHOW,

352. YOU KNOW, RETURN THE FAVOR,

353. IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE. I REALLY THINK IT WOULD BE FUN.

354. OKAY, BEN.

355. REALLY. I GOT FOR CHARACTERS.

356. I DIDN'T REALIZE THIS WAS LIKE THIS QUID PRO QUO THING, THAT YOU KNOW?

357. NO, NO. I'M JUST SAYING THAT YOU KNOW...

358. DO YOU A FAVOR.

359. I DID YOU A FAVOR.

360. I DON'T MEAN TO— OAKY, I'M SORRY.

361. IT'D BE COOL.

362. I COULD BE LIKE HIS ASSISTANT..

363. "HEY, I'M ALAN. I'VE GOT SOME EXTRA EGGS FOR YOU."

364. THERE'S A WHOLE CORPORATE STRUCTURE AND LEGALITIES.

365. PLEASE DON'T EVEN TELL ME THESE IDEAS.

366. I WAS THINKING, JUST

367. KEEP THINKING, BEN,

368. BUT JUST DON'T GO THROUGH THE CHANNELS.

369. I CAN'T LISTEN TO IT, ALRIGHT?

370. ONE IDEA THOUGH...

371. THANKS. GOOD LUCK. NO. IT'S A GOOD SHOW.

372. ROB, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET FREAKED OUT ABOUT IT.

373. I'M JUST, I'M JUST...

374. HE'S GOT TO, I GUESS, UH...

375. THANK YOU, AGAIN.

376. HE CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING.

377. HE'S HOLDING HIS EARS CLOSED.

378. HE'S SCARED.