The Bear 1x1

1. Shh...

2. - Shh...

3. Shh...

4. Shh...

5. I know.

6. - Yo. - Yo. Twenty-five pounds?

7. Twenty-five? No, no, I ordered 200.

8. Paid for 25.

9. Take it up with Lu.

10. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. No, Luanne, that's...

11. that's... that's really nice of you.

12. - Uh-huh.

13. Yeah. No, no, w-we're really grateful

14. to still be open after everything.

15. - Yeah, so, listen, I, um...

16. I'm still trying to figure this place out,

17. you know, see how Michael was doing everything,

18. and I wanna get your money.

19. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I miss him.

20. Uh, I miss him, too. Yeah.

21. - Okay.

22. No, it's good. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Thanks anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

23. - Alright. Bye.

24. - Fuck!

25. Ball Breaker!

26. - ... broken!

27. - Shut up! No, no, no. Puta!

28. Don't unplug it.

29. I know what that means, Tina.

30. You unplug it, it won't work again.

31. Bonus! - When was the last time you emptied these?

32. I don't know.

33. Hey, Chi-Chi, it's Carmy. Still got that meat connect?

34. Oh! I'll have what she's having!

35. You cut vegetables like a bitch.

36. Don't wipe your hands on your apron, Chef.

37. - Jeff? - Chef.

38. We got issues. This arcuate's painted.

39. Yeah, no shit it is.

40. They conserved copper during World War II.

41. - That's why there's no rivets? - That's why no rivets.

42. - How the fuck do you not know that? - Because I fuckin' don't.

43. This is original Big E red-line selvage, alright?

44. From 1944. You can get 1,250 for that on eBay tonight.

45. And I'd still be five and a half short. - Add this.

46. - What am I, a Coinstar?

47. - That's like three hundo, Chi-Chi! - Three hundo plus what?

48. Plus a 1955 blanket-lined Type 3.

49. Pleated? - Pleated.

50. Boom.

51. Ball Breaker!

52. Hey, Sugar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I-I need your help.

53. No.

54. No, no, no, no. It's not like that.

55. Yeah, I need that, uh, jacket that Mike gave me.

56. Yeah. Look, can you, uh, can you bring it here?

57. Thank you. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Alright. Alright. Bye.

58. Hi. Hello.

59. Hi. - I-I'm Sydney.

60. I called about the sous position, I'm staging today.

61. - Right. Shit. Sorry. Yes. Yeah. - Yeah.

62. - Carmy. Um, here, gimme your... Thank you. - Hey. Uh, yes.

63. Uh, Alinea, Smoque, Avec.

64. That's some serious heat. What's, uh...

65. - What's UPS? That's in Chicago? - Uh,

66. United Parcel Service...

67. Shit. That's the UPS. - The one— The mail— Yeah...

68. - Yeah. Um, what'd you— what'd you do for them? - Drove.

69. Paid my way through culinary school, so...

70. - CIA? - Uh, CIA, yeah.

71. Okay, so what are you doing here?

72. You know, this, um,

73. this was my dad's favorite spot when I was a kid.

74. Come here every Sunday.

75. Special place.

76. Good. Um...

77. Okay, so you know the drill. We, uh...

78. you're gonna make family.

79. It's meat plus three, and w-we eat around 2:00.

80. Yeah, heard. Dope. Cool.

81. What's up?

82. - Can I just, like, ask you a question maybe? - Of course. Yeah.

83. I know who you are.

84. - Oh, yeah? - Yeah, I-I mean...

85. you were the most excellent CDC

86. at the most excellent restaurant

87. in the entire United States of America.

88. So, what are you doing here? I guess.

89. Making sandwiches.

90. - Tina... Ebraheim? - Carmen! Where is beef?

91. It's in the oven. Tina, can you start

92. - a new giardiniera for me please, Chef? - I need my fennel first, Jeff.

93. Carmen. I need my beef! Ebraheim...

94. Then I do onion, then I do potatoes. We have system.

95. Aight, but you can punch 'em, blanch 'em,

96. freeze 'em, fry 'em before the beef, right?

97. - Don't mess up our place! - I'm not missing anything up.

98. Chef, no! Please, please, do not touch that.

99. This is the one time you listen to me.

100. Please do not touch that.

101. That's been going for 12 hours, okay?

102. That's my pot, Jeff.

103. - Everybody know. - That's her pot.

104. Use another pot, please, Chef. Alright? Corner!

105. Hey, Marcus, I need a double order of bread today,

106. - okay, Chef? - Come on, Carmy, I been telling you

107. for the past two weeks the mixer's fucked,

108. and I gotta do all this by hand.

109. Plus, Tina keeps messing with the temperature

110. - and it's fucking up my rise. No inglés.

111. - Tina, I know you speak English! - Listen,

112. Marcus, we're not meeting dailies, alright?

113. Vendors are cutting us off. I don't have the money

114. to fix it right this second,

115. but I will get you a new mixer. Okay?

116. - I promise you. Yeah? Carmen! Buzzer!

117. Alright, that's the beef. Come on, gimme a hand.

118. Corner! Smaller fry scoops today, Chef. Behind!

119. - Not system! What is this system?

120. - Michael's system. - Carmen, there is a girl.

121. Yeah, that's Sydney. She's helping us out today.

122. Michael's system makes no sense— I'm saying something!

123. Marcus, I say something. You are my favorite bitch.

124. Oh, your English is gettin' tight, Zeebs.

125. You kidnap a ship captain?

126. Your mom teach me during sex.

127. Oh, that's not cool. I'm fucking with you.

128. - That's how you do it!

129. - Yo yo yo. Hey yo, Gary!

130. You set up a compost for me today, Chef?

131. After I do my thing in the place.

132. That's very clear. Thank you.

133. Behind. Behind.

134. - Hey, Chef, is there, like, a family shelf or something? - Behind!

135. - Shelf? - Sorry, um...

136. Fuck off.

137. - Gracias.

138. - Bottom right side of walk-in. Thanks, Chef.

139. - Corner... Yo, you. Yo, family!

140. Fucking with my program, cousin?

141. Program started four hours ago.

142. I had the kid all morning. Excuse me.

143. Listen, what is going on with Ballbreaker?

144. My Insta's completely blowing up.

145. You got like 30 followers, dog.

146. Yeah, I got— What is that, a diss?

147. - I got 36 followers...

148. We need the business! Nerds come in from Rockford to play.

149. Yeah, like in 1987. You know, when you were still in

150. that deadbeat's balls. How are you?

151. Good. How was the recital?

152. Oh my god, she murdered it, Tina!

153. I gotta— H-hold on.

154. - Listen, you gotta run this stuff by me first. - I don't have to do shit.

155. Hold on. Listen, let's just have a conversation for a second!

156. - Whoa. Fuck is this? - This is Sydney. I'm staging today.

157. - You're what-ing today? That's Sydney.

158. She's helping us out today.

159. - Cousin, you ordering a different mayonnaise, bro? - ... bananas?

160. - No, all you, Chef. - Yeah, "All you, Chef." This biff,

161. - he was usin' them to make a giant nut muffin! It was a play on

162. a Panettone. It woulda been beautiful

163. - if you'd let me finish it. Fuck! Cousin! - Fuck you!

164. Richie Jerimovich. Pleasure to meet you, sweetheart.

165. - Don't say sweetheart, you fucking weirdo. - Oh sorry,

166. Carm, you're so woke. I meant nothing by it,

167. Sydney. Saying sweetheart

168. is just part of our Italian heritage.

169. - That's beautiful. Thank you. Corner!

170. - Okay— - Listen, I'm trying to talk to you, okay?

171. Don't be rude and start doing a million things—

172. - I don't have time for this right now. - I don't remember having time

173. - to take care of your mom for six months. - Don't you fucking—

174. No, don't you fucking! I got all kinds of receipts

175. from my divorce lawyer backing up 'cause all the time I spent

176. trying to put your family back together

177. 'cause you're too much of a cocksucker to come home!

178. The guys are texting me.

179. You're telling them to do all sorts of weird shit backwards.

180. Don't fucking do that, Carmen!

181. Don't go messing with their heads and ordering

182. different mayonnaise and hiring new fucking broads

183. without talking to me first!

184. This is your brother's house, okay? Yeah? Remember?

185. I was running it fine without you.

186. Why didn't he leave it to you then?

187. - Low on olive oil, Carmen. - Heard.

188. Where's my knife?

189. Chefs, we gotta sharpen our knives

190. - when we got a sec! You gotta sharpen

191. your brain when we get a second.

192. - You been here for two weeks,

193. we been having money problems for two weeks.

194. One plus one equals you're an asshole, Bobby Flay.

195. Don't call me Bobby Flay! Sydney, stir

196. - that pot for me, please, Chef. - Yes, Chef.

197. - You want a cartouche? - What's a cartouche?

198. - What's our best day here? - Five.

199. Okay, Ebraheim, get me a pot for the giardiniera!

200. So if we do six, that'll get us through the week, right?

201. - So, Ballbreaker. Just make it easy

202. - and make the fucking spaghetti! - Don't say spaghetti!

203. - All these knives are dull! - Spaghetti's the biggest seller, Carm.

204. - That shit was straight-up fire. - Straight-up done now, Chef. Behind.

205. - Yeah, but why? - Because fucking 11 Madison Park

206. dickhead over here, he couldn't figure it out!

207. Housekeeping, Chefs! Again, what the fuck are you saying?

208. Anyone understand what he's saying?

209. Housekeeping means you have to clean your stations

210. 'cause this place is fuckin' gross.

211. I refer to everybody as Chef because it's a sign of respect,

212. and I never said I couldn't figure out the spaghetti.

213. I said it doesn't make any sense on this menu,

214. so it is done. The end.

215. - Three hours to open, Chefs!

216. Who are you yelling at, Carmy? There's like four of us in here.

217. Now, let me ask you something.

218. If the spaghetti didn't make any sense,

219. how come everybody fucking loved that shit?

220. Everybody did love it. - Everybody doesn't have any taste.

221. It was an under-seasoned over-sauced mess.

222. - It took seven hours to prep. Oh, fuck!

223. You know what? This shit right here

224. made you pompous and delusional

225. and a fucking gayrod!

226. These guys, they taught you how to cook with ants,

227. but none of these fuckwads taught you how to make a pasta!

228. Probably should learn how to make pasta, Carmy.

229. A, I know how to make pasta, Marcus.

230. B, I hate to break your hearts, motherfuckers,

231. but that gluey, mushy bullshit

232. is not bailing us out this time.

233. Ballbreaker is. Fak's raising plays

234. to a dollar, so shut the fuck up!

235. - Who the fuck is Fak? - Tina! Did you take my knife, Chef?

236. Did you take my pot, Jeff?

237. - Fuck! Neil Fak!

238. This fucking fairy's butt-buddy. He's—

239. Whoa!

240. - Why is the beef so hot? 'Cause we just took it out.

241. - Two hours late? - Two hours longer!

242. Wrigley didn't deliver enough meat this week.

243. - Why didn't Wrigley deliver? - Because we're out of money!

244. The only beef I could get

245. was bone-in, which you have to braise, alright?

246. It takes two hours longer. The good news is

247. - we can stretch it by cutting the bread shorter... - Call Wrigley.

248. - ... and using less gravy. - Call Wrigley! Which is not how we have ever done

249. a beef here in 25 years, Carm!

250. System, baby. - System!

251. - You can barely afford to pay people, but sick system. - Don't fucking

252. talk to me about labor, Noma!

253. I thought this was your house!

254. Fuck all this.

255. Announcement! Listen up!

256. Bread stays the same!

257. Gravy stays the same!

258. Ballbreaker!

259. A buck's not gonna get 'em anywhere, Bear.

260. - It's just too difficult. - Yeah, Fak, that's the point.

261. - It's already ultra confusing. - Yeah, homie,

262. it-it's a Norwegian knockoff of Mortal Kombat.

263. Part of the reason why this machine got recalled

264. in the first place, aside from the excessive

265. and irresponsible violence, is it's just too difficult!

266. It's a fighter and a fucking scroller.

267. - Also, sorry.

268. I didn't make it to the funeral.

269. I sent flowers,

270. - and I really hope they looked nice. - I don't know. I wasn't there.

271. - How long's this gonna take? - It's gonna take an hour.

272. Aight, it's gotta be faster. Yo, Sweeps,

273. can open up the windows in the back, please?

274. Later. - Carmy, you're bleeding!

275. - Shit! Man, stupid dull-ass knife! Corner!

276. - You're making me queasy. - Fucking damn it, Ebraheim!

277. - Carmen, your fault! Say corner! - Blood! You see?

278. Good! Good! Y'all happy now?

279. Can I have my fucking knife back?

280. Ebraheim, I swear to God,

281. she looks fucking beautiful. You would've lost your mind.

282. - That's fire, Chef. And all of a sudden,

283. - the guy's back in my face! Hey!

284. - Guys, look, we gotta line up!

285. We got service in an hour, alright?

286. I'm like, listen, if you're gonna get in my face,

287. - we're gonna have a problem. Hey! Cousin!

288. - Yeah, one second. - Seriously, I wanna start defining our roles

289. - a little bit more clearly, alright? - Hold on a second here.

290. - We're just— Hold on a second. - Cousin. Seriously, Cousin!

291. Trying to get some work done here, capiche?

292. This the dude from the hot dog stand?

293. This is his twin brother... - Fucking lying.

294. - ... which I found out later! I found out later. You lying!

295. But at this point, I think it's the guy from the hot dog stand,

296. and I'm like, listen, go home already!

297. - Get the fuck outta here!

298. Oh my god! I'm like...

299. So, I'm like, okay, now there's a problem.

300. I'm trying to enjoy my tacos, you're ruining my date, right?

301. So, this guy, he pulls out a revolver.

302. Come on. - Swear to God! And I'm like, oh my god,

303. wh-where did you get that? What, did you steal that

304. - from the museum gift shop?

305. You know, like, who are you? Mr. Bogart?

306. - Please, what are we doing here...

307. Hey, Tina, I gotta go see my sister.

308. - You hold down the fort? - Yeah, sure. Listen, Jeff.

309. How come your sister don't come by here no more?

310. Oh, you gotta ask her.

311. - Hi. - Yo. You didn't put it in a bag or anything?

312. That's how you say hello to me?

313. - Hi. - Hi there!

314. You smell like this place.

315. Hi.

316. Sorry. I just... hate seeing you here.

317. Yeah, well...

318. These labels.

319. - Marcus! - What?

320. Where are the chili flakes? It's the most Polish shit ever.

321. - Cousin organizes it, it's more confusing— - Right there.

322. Labeled "chili flakes."

323. What does Sweeps stand for?

324. I swept St. Louis three times and had a no-hitter.

325. My real last name is Woods.

326. You talk to Mom?

327. - No. Uh... - I know she'd love to see you.

328. No, I know, I know. I just...

329. I've been trying to call you. You haven't called me back.

330. Yeah, no, I know. I just— I've been busy.

331. I've been working, so...

332. - Uncle Jimmy wants to buy this place. - It's not for sale.

333. - I know. That's what I wanted to tell you. - That it's not for sale?

334. No, that I think we should sell it to him.

335. So he can flip it into an Applebee's?

336. No, no, I-I'm trying to to do something here, Sugar.

337. Okay, I was so excited for you to come home.

338. Gotta go. Um...

339. Okay.

340. I'm okay.

341. - Okay? Okay.

342. I'm gonna fix this place.

343. No one's asking you to.

344. Um, I really— I gotta go, okay?

345. - Bear. - Yeah?

346. I love you.

347. Thank you for this.

348. You're welcome.

349. Welcome back.

350. Time to try the new sandwiches. Behind!

351. Corner!

352. Marcus, rolls, please, Chef!

353. - Fuck. Again!

354. - That's crumbly! It's too dense! Doing it by hand!

355. - Yo. - It's the mixer.

356. It's not the mixer, alright? It's crumbly.

357. The oven's too dry.

358. You need to fill a baking sheet with water,

359. put it on the oven floor, throw in another batch, okay?

360. - Don't tell me how to do my job. - Just do it!

361. Yo! Somebody come try this! Cousin!

362. Yeah, right!

363. - There you go, Chef.

364. Chef.

365. What's goin' on? What do you think?

366. - It's redundant and white, just like you. Heard, heard, heard.

367. - Tina. Salt? Beef? It's tender?

368. - Very good, puta! - It's nice? We happy? Happy?

369. - Alright, alright.

370. Yo, Sydney!

371. Try this business.

372. - Oh, fuck. - Mm-hmm. You know that's fire.

373. - Yeah, fuckin' fire. - Mm-hmm.

374. So, how you gonna pass the family test?

375. Delicious or impressive?

376. Delicious is impressive.

377. Word. Word...

378. That dude looks like a carrot.

379. Is that a fucking carrot? I mean, it's clearly a carrot.

380. Do you not know what a carrot looks like?

381. We're gonna need more bread.

382. See, it's all good till it starts making this weird

383. - "guggugguggug" sound. - Oh my god,

384. that's a classic sound with these fucking pieces of shit.

385. Hey, did you know Michael?

386. Dude, he was like one of my best friends,

387. but then fuckin' it got dark at the end...

388. Corner! How we looking on that bread?

389. - Coming out soon. - Fak, watch your back.

390. - Hey, Chi-Chi, yeah, come get your jacket. - Corner!

391. Yo! Yo! Fak, how we looking?

392. Dude, I'm gonna be able to fix this, dude.

393. - Do you have any, like, stale bread? Thank you. - Right there.

394. Corner! - Chef! Corner! Behind...

395. - Fak, watch it. Hey, I'll pay you in sandwich, yeah?

396. - Deal! - No shit deal!

397. - Oh, fuck off, man. - Hey, was Richie always an asshole?

398. Dude, always and forever. Dude, he's the fucking worst.

399. - Mm, yeah. He sucks. - Dude, he's not a nice guy.

400. - He's just— He's sad inside. - Yeah.

401. Fak...

402. Dude...

403. - Yo, family's up! - Yeah! Woo! Let's do this!

404. Oh my gosh. I smell... That looks so good!

405. Damn, Sydney! Let's go!

406. - What do we got going on over here? Yeah, we got a stew,

407. rice, plantains, and a little fennel salad.

408. Alright, I'm interested. Ebra, yo, let's do this.

409. I bring my own. This looks like shit.

410. Oh, come on.

411. Don't pay any attention.

412. That's not nice. That's not nice. I don't eat pork.

413. It's not pork. It's beef. He never eats.

414. It look like pork. Alright, alright, I'll start. I'll start.

415. I'm grateful for Philip K. Dick. Fak, you're up.

416. Me? Uh, I-I'm tha— uh...

417. thankful for my-my cats Ralph.

418. They both named Ralph?

419. Yeah. It's just, like, it's easier that way.

420. - Ralph and Ralph. Alright, Tina, you're up. What's up?

421. I'm grateful for all y'all motherfuckers.

422. - Look at you, fucking softy!

423. I guess I'm grateful that...

424. Richie didn't come in here wearing that cologne today

425. that he always be wearing. You know, it smell like

426. - a pine tree and shit.

427. Smell like onion under arm.

428. Onion under arm!

429. Chef, you want a plate? - All good. Thank you, Chef.

430. You can have mine if you change your mind.

431. - What?

432. I just never had plátanos with, like, grass on it.

433. - Yo, shit. Cousin, Cousin.

434. Cousin, yo, it's getting crazy out there.

435. - Come give me a hand. Nah, bro.

436. This is on you.

437. Yo, Tina, how about these plátanos though, right?

438. - Yo, really? - Yeah, really.

439. - This isn't my house, remember? I didn't say I didn't like 'em.

440. - She was just— She was just saying she was... - You didn't eat them.

441. Blockers! Blockers! Blockers! Yo! Eh!

442. - Everybody relax! Things are fucking alright!

443. Yo!

444. Eh, stop banging on the fucking glass! My guy, stop banging—

445. - Get off me, cocksucker! - Fuck you, man!

446. Merry Christmas, Lizards.

447. Sounds like we got a real problem out here.

448. Any of you Incel-QAnon-4Chan...

449. Snyder-Cut motherfuckers wanna out of line now?

450. - Anybody?

451. Yeah.

452. Didn't think so.

453. Cousin.

454. - You alright? - Thank you.

455. So we're gonna have a little tournament here today.

456. We are gonna be on our best behavior.

457. We're not gonna scare any of the regulars.

458. We're not gonna touch 'em.

459. We're not gonna look at 'em all weird.

460. We're not gonna do any of that spectral shit!

461. Yes? Good. You're gonna purchase

462. one Italian Beef combo to enter. Now,

463. this is a single elimination tourney,

464. so you lose, you get the fuck out.

465. - No two ways about it. You win...

466. - free Italian Ice for a year.

467. - Also...

468. Also...

469. Also...

470. I hate litter.

471. So, you cucks are gonna clean up after yourselves,

472. and you're gonna goddamn recycle.

473. Fuck you.

474. Cousin, how fucking dope is that? - Not dope at all.

475. What are you talking about? I brought that crowd in!

476. - That's a lot of money out there! - That we're not prepped for!

477. I shoulda let those turkeys eat you, Carmy, I swear to God.

478. Today was not the day to go fucking with the system.

479. - System, system! Cousin— - Hey, I don't care.

480. I do not care what you do up in Napa

481. with your fucking tweezers and your foie gras.

482. You got no fuckin' idea what you're doing here!

483. None! Zero!

484. So we are gonna stick with what works,

485. and we are gonna fuckin' make sure

486. we got enough food to feed these fuckin' dorks.

487. So get your ass back in there,

488. and you make that fuckin' spaghetti.

489. Sydney...

490. Sorry about the gun, babe. I had to get real.

491. Mm...

492. Goddamn...

493. Yo, Carm. Check it.

494. That's good. You see that difference?

495. - Big time. Steam tray. You were right. - Yep.

496. You can throw down, huh?

497. Hey, grab me a fresh parm brick?

498. Heard, Chef.