The Bear 4x5

1. So I tell him, "Yeah, sure, you can stay here

2. while I'm gone over the weekend,

3. but there can be no mischief."

4. "Of course," he says.

5. And I tell him how serious I am, right?

6. There can be no mischief.

7. And I tell him he has to water the plants.

8. I just think, you know, God forbid he does something crazy,

9. like I'm thinking he's going to.

10. "You have to water the plants," I tell him.

11. "You have to water this plant, absolutely this plant.

12. It's an alocasia that belonged to our dead mother,

13. and I'm the one that's been nursing it back

14. to fucking health alone, right?"

15. And so, um,

16. he promises me, you know, "Yeah, I'll take care of the plant."

17. He's-He's explaining to me he's sober.

18. He's six months, three weeks, 14 days, eight hours sober.

19. He's my brother, and I love him.

20. I want to kill him.

21. And love him and kill him again.

22. I choose to believe him.

23. Yeah. [smacks lips, inhales sharply]

24. And, you know, he looks at me like he's just a kid, and he says,

25. "Georgie, I love you.

26. I'm not gonna... I'm gonna water the plants.

27. No mischief."

28. I believe him.

29. I do believe him.

30. And I'm gone three days.

31. Oh, my God. And when I get back, I open that door.

32. And, you know, a little mischief would have been one thing.

33. I mean, it was only mischief.

34. There are four people, naked, asleep on my couch.

35. None of them are my brother, by the way.

36. Um, thank God, actually.

37. And, um, you know, there's beer bottles and burnt foil everywhere.

38. Cigarettes, throw up, which then he tells me,

39. "No, that was... that was there before."

40. I walk down my hallway, into my bedroom

41. and there on my bed, ripped up everywhere are...

42. Actually not what you're probably thinking,

43. but ketchup packets.

44. Which is equally confusing as it is genuinely terrifying.

45. And, I'm...

46. You know, I'm heartbroken, and I'm nauseous and...

47. I'm really starting to panic because I think he's dead.

48. And I turn into my bathroom,

49. and there in the bathtub...

50. he is fully clothed.

51. He is smoking a cigarette.

52. He's happy.

53. I mean, he's happy as I've ever seen him.

54. And I look at him, and I start to cry.

55. And, um...

56. you know, he starts to sing this song which our mother used to love.

57. It's a Doris Day song. It's called "Magic."

58. Um, do you know it? It's, uh...

59. Yeah.

60. And I'm staring at him, and he's singing,

61. and I sit on the toilet seat, and I just...

62. I mean, I just totally lose it.

63. And he comes over to me.

64. He sits down at my feet, he looks up at me.

65. He says, "Georgie, don't worry. I watered the plants."

66. Thanks.

67. Hey, baby. - Hi, hey.

68. - Um, have you seen a, like, a big knife?

69. Oh, shit, you sound weird.

70. Are you... Are you okay? - I am fine, I promise.

71. - Uh, sick day. Okay, well, what do you need?

72. - Are you... I'm fine. What do you need?

73. What does a big knife look like, other than a really big knife?

74. Nothing. I'll find it.

75. Original floors, so sick.

76. Radiant heating. I mean, come on.

77. Closets everywhere.

78. Got the master on the second floor.

79. Uh, guest on the first.

80. Cute little kitch. I hope you guys like to cook.

81. Will you try this and be honest?

82. Of course I'll be honest.

83. No, you'll be nice and bullshit me.

84. I won't. You will.

85. You will kiss my ass, as you should,

86. but not this time.

87. - Okay? - Okay.

88. - I won't. - Okay.

89. Mmm, color.

90. One of the easiest ways to spot the age of a wine is by its color.

91. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

92. It's the exact same shit.

93. You sound frazzled.

94. Yeah, well, I'm busy, you know. I'm just, like... I don't know.

95. I miss you.

96. - Yes, I miss you too and you... I'm sorry. - You haven't called.

97. You haven't seen it, like, at all?

98. I wouldn't touch that shit.

99. This is a hip neighborhood.

100. There's a lot of skaters moving in, I think.

101. There's a lot of white kids with baggy pants moving in this neighborhood,

102. which is like... You know what I mean.

103. Which... That could be good, unfortunately.

104. It sucks.

105. - You're lying? - I'm lying.

106. Okay, I just, um... Feel better. Let me know if you need anything.

107. I gotta go find this thing. Sorry.

108. - Love you. - Bye. Yeah, you too. Bye.

109. Fuck. Fuck. Where the fuck is it?

110. - My boy Sammy Fak did the floors.

111. Actually, hold on. I'm getting hit up right now.

112. Do you know what this address is?

113. Jesus Christ.

114. When did you get your real estate license?

115. Uh, a few months ago while you were in Copenhagen with that hot guy.

116. What, are you jealous?

117. No, I think it's cool that we have other friends.

118. Mmm. - I think that's healthy.

119. How many houses have you sold?

120. Including this one? - Mm-hmm.

121. One.

122. - You good? - Mm-hmm.

123. It feels small, right?

124. Yeah.

125. It's fucked up. I mean, it's crazy to think of just, like, you know,

126. all the good times and the life that was had in here.

127. Right?

128. Big time.

129. You know what I think about a lot?

130. What's up?

131. Whenever you sell a house, it's always something bad.

132. Think so?

133. Yeah, like...

134. Yeah, you run out of money, somebody dies,

135. you get divorced, you move out.

136. I mean, you could also say it's good.

137. Like, I don't know.

138. You know, people have kids, people get married,

139. people made money, they wanna buy something.

140. I never thought about that.

141. I know.

142. It's 'cause I'm wise.

143. That's why they call it moving.

144. Moving on. I don't know.

145. Like you moved on from design to real estate.

146. No, dog. This is a side hustle.

147. Design remains my passion.

148. Don't at me.

149. All right.

150. This is it?

151. - This is it. Beautiful.

152. Morning, chefs.

153. - What's up, Chuck? - Just crushed the living shit

154. out of an AA meeting.

155. What's up, chief? Charles DeValentino.

156. - Albert Schner. - Pleasure.

157. What's this? We're gonna need some more bread. Cheech, you got bread?

158. Coming, guy.

159. What's going on, my guy? Christopher Zucchero.

160. Albert Schner.

161. Albert, you look a lot like this asshole I used to know.

162. - Was his name Albert? - Are you an asshole?

163. - Depends on the day. Let's go.

164. Yeah.

165. That's the team.

166. Just the three of you?

167. Yeah, one for prep, three for service.

168. Uh, one for breakdown and one more to prep for the next day.

169. So what I'm hearing is that you're getting six shifts

170. out of three workers. Am I hearing this right?

171. No bullshit... - Correct.

172. I just drew a beautiful dick downstair...

173. How you doing?

174. - Bread truck's out front. Bread truck's out front.

175. All right.

176. You look good, dude.

177. Cucinelli?

178. I don't quite know how to take that.

179. Take it as a compliment.

180. - Teddy Fak. Yeah. - Yeah, Albert Schner.

181. - Nice to meet you, sir. - Yeah.

182. - Bread truck. Yeah. - Bread truck.

183. - So... So you've seen the space. - Yeah.

184. Um, um, the question I keep having is, I know there's room for growth,

185. but I just can't seem to find it.

186. Um, I keep trying to think big.

187. You don't have to.

188. - I don't? - No. No.

189. What has kept you in such great stead all these years?

190. I don't know.

191. Thinking small.

192. What do you mean?

193. Uh, look. Look at this place.

194. - What is it? What, 150 square feet? Uh-huh.

195. Yeah, yeah. And there's no tables, there's no... there's no servers.

196. You don't even have baskets for the sandwiches, which is good, by the way,

197. because you don't have to spend all that time and money,

198. you know, cleaning it up.

199. And you are either meeting or exceeding last year's numbers.

200. And why?

201. Because you think small.

202. Think small, big money.

203. - Take notes. - Yeah.

204. Guys, I drew a beautiful dick downstairs.

205. Come check it out.

206. All right. Let's go, let's go.

207. If I make this, I'm not a complete total nightmare,

208. failure, baby-ass fucking bitch.

209. Okay.

210. In the hole.

211. Fuck.

212. Okay, best of three.

213. Here we go.

214. Tannins give newer wines astringency and structure.

215. Older wines are less astringent, smoother, silkier.

216. Okay. Okay.

217. If you don't make this, then...

218. then you're not a complete loser, baby-ass bitch, failure nightmare.

219. Yeah, okay.

220. Fuck me, man. Fuck.

221. Snapshots of time.

222. He says to Richie... That's fucking cool.

223. I love you. I love you too.

224. Oh, yeah, baby! Yeah!

225. He fucking says that to Bill Murray because he's afraid...

226. Yo, Chef.

227. - Hey, Chef. Hey.

228. Thanks.

229. This is it?

230. This is all we can afford, Jeff.

231. Yikes.

232. Yeah, yikes.

233. I would never tell you how to do your job, Chef.

234. Ever, never, ever.

235. And you know I trust you.

236. But this week it's two components, and we barely got enough...

237. - Right. - ... barely, to get through tonight.

238. We keep going like this, next week it's gonna be down to one component.

239. And you do you, but I can't help but wonder if we just made it consistent.

240. - Yeah, we could stretch it out. - Yes.

241. And I... I've eaten every dish, and they're all excellent.

242. You hear me?

243. Excellent, Chef.

244. And-And if we could just make the same thing,

245. then we'd get better and better, and we could get faster and faster.

246. And-And I know I've only been doing this for five years

247. and I don't pretend to know anything, but I-I can feel you chasing something.

248. I can feel you fixating on something, and I think that's cool,

249. I think we all have goals, but I just wanted you to hear something out loud.

250. What's that?

251. You da shit, baby.

252. You got nothing to prove.

253. The shit.

254. All right.

255. - Yo. - Yo.

256. Good?

257. - I think we just sold my mom's house. - Yeah?

258. - Mmm. - All right.

259. - Put one on the board for Chester. - Sold it to the first person too.

260. Feel good?

261. Yeah.

262. All right. You wanna tell me about that?

263. Dehydrated pear with violet caramel.

264. Nice. What's the green?

265. Shiso.

266. Ah. Looks familiar. Is it ready?

267. You tell me.

268. Okay.

269. It's beautiful.

270. You would fuck with that for the rest of your life if you could.

271. - You missed a part. - What?

272. Where'd you get that from?

273. Legerdemain.

274. Mmm.

275. What do you think?

276. I think it's going out tonight.

277. I don't know, Carm. I think I might need some more time.

278. No. Nonnegotiables.

279. Pick up's gonna be a bitch, though.

280. - Dude, I didn't even think about that. Yeah.

281. It's a good thing I got you some firepower.

282. - What kind?

283. Corner. - New stage.

284. Which stage?

285. Oh, shit.

286. - Chef.

287. I thought you said you was gonna get some help.

288. - Yo, Chef. Hit that. Yeah?

289. Yeah.

290. - Fuck you.

291. Bravo. - All right.

292. - You remember the drill? Think so.

293. Yeah? Try to keep up?

294. Fuck you too, Chef.

295. I have two words for you: real estate agent.

296. That's three words.

297. Look, you have a brilliant concept here.

298. A simple, delicious, brilliant concept.

299. But have we reached... the ceiling for opportunity here?

300. No, no, you haven't.

301. I've got one word for you: mini franchise.

302. - Are you saying we should open another— Yes, yes.

303. That is exactly what I'm saying.

304. Expansion through replication.

305. I don't know if the Berzatto family—

306. Eb, are you kidding me? They're gonna love it.

307. You know... Look, you keep the family feel.

308. You go slow, one shop at a time.

309. That way you can ensure quality control,

310. and, you know, if you do this right, uh, you could be bigger than Arby's.

311. I don't know.

312. Yes, you do. Yes, you do.

313. And, you know, when you hit it big, you know,

314. maybe you'll think about, uh, Old Albert here

315. and, uh, cut him in for a little piece of the pie.

316. Uh, in this case, beef.

317. We have the beefs.

318. See? You're already thinking like a... like an ad agent.

319. I'm loving it.

320. Well, no, that... You can't use that. See, that's McDonald's.

321. Da, da, da, da, da.

322. Yeah, that's McDonald's. I'm lovin' it.

323. - Eat fresh. - Well, see, that's Subway.

324. - 7-Eleven? - What are you saying to me?

325. You're just naming stores now?

326. Oh.

327. Okay, excuse me.

328. Busted.

329. What... What are you doing here?

330. Um,

331. I, uh, found myself staying a bit longer in Chicago...

332. and I also heard this restaurant isn't bad.

333. Oh, did you hear, though, that they for sure can't afford you?

334. Oh. You can afford a stage.

335. Okay. Well, that is very kind, but I... I feel kind of bad.

336. Just 'cause, like, you're gonna be shelling peas for me

337. for the next three weeks.

338. - Oh, I thought, um... - Yeah.

339. I was told I was gonna get to work on some chives.

340. - Is that... Chives?

341. - Some chives. Yeah. - Yeah, no chives.

342. - No chives for you. No.

343. It's just, I...

344. Look, I'm just not sure you're there yet.

345. You know what I mean?

346. T-To work on chives?

347. Sorry. That's crazy how that is fully two syllables when you say that.

348. I'm a... I'm a... I'm a stage in Chicago.

349. - Wow, I have chills down my spine. - Chives.

350. I wanna chop chives.

351. - This is awful. Is that not good?

352. - It's... [stammers, laughs] - All right. Give me some time.

353. - Oh, yeah. No. For sure. - I'm a stage. It's my first day.

354. Well, while you're sort of shelling the peas, you can practice in the corner.

355. Just so I know ahead of time, what hot closet are you gonna lock me in?

356. Oh, the one, uh, where we ferment the fish.

357. Well, thanks so much. This has been a pleasure.

358. - Uh, I'll see you upstairs.

359. I'll be the guy chopping... chives.

360. - Oof! Oof. - Chives. Chives.

361. - No bueno. - Chicago chives.

362. - Just bad. Just all around bad. - Okay, I'm going. I'm going.

363. - Okay, bye.

364. Hey, look alive.

365. Um, reservations are okay, you know.

366. Uh, review hasn't killed us yet.

367. Honestly, the review made the restaurant sound not boring.

368. Who made that?

369. Chef Carmen. Fucking dumb.

370. It's excellent. I like people that set expectations.

371. Great.

372. - Hey. Morning, Chef. Uh... Hey. Morning.

373. - I opened up the— - I wanted to talk to you about a, uh...

374. - I... - Sorry, I was...

375. - All right. Just pause. Okay. Yeah.

376. You... You go. Sorry.

377. No, um...

378. These are repeats.

379. Yes.

380. These are, like,

381. all repeats.

382. Yeah, I was gonna talk to you about that.

383. Feeling alive, are you?

384. I don't look it?

385. You look like you're about to stand on that chair

386. and let out a bloodcurdling "fuck."

387. Yeah. Maybe if I stand on a chair and yell, I can inspire people.

388. Inspire people to what?

389. Inspire them to...

390. At The Beef Stand, you walked in and that place was fucking rocking.

391. All right? It was alive, and you were part of it,

392. and it was a fucking vibe in there.

393. You know what I'm saying?

394. So what do you got?

395. Oh, God. Nah. Uh-uh. Nothing.

396. What... What is this?

397. - It's a set menu.

398. The greatest hits from the last couple of months,

399. so we have six dishes plus Marcus's desserts.

400. Okay. And when you change your mind...

401. I won't.

402. Am I supposed to believe you? You...

403. You change your mind. Y-You change the menu.

404. Yes. I-I changed the menu to challenge myself, and that wasn't fair.

405. - All right? It was selfish.

406. It didn't make anything better.

407. I know that.

408. - I'm not great with consistency. Yeah, clearly.

409. But me neither. So...

410. I'm sorry, Syd.

411. Can I ask you something?

412. Yeah, shoot.

413. Okay.

414. My daughter wanted this, like, really expensive teddy bear,

415. so I told her no. Okay?

416. Someone else bought it for her?

417. - Stepdad. - Ooh.

418. - That's a crime. Mm-hmm. Right?

419. - It's a felony. - Yeah. Yeah, it's illegal in many states.

420. - Who's the stepdad?

421. Frank.

422. Who's Frank?

423. - Nice. Oof.

424. That sucks.

425. We've got Luca now. You know, with Marcus.

426. So if we get in the shit, we, uh...

427. We move him.

428. Right.

429. And then three more dishes, and we are—

430. We're home.

431. Right.

432. You still stuck on the lamb?

433. Forever, it seems. Yeah.

434. What's that pin?

435. - Oh, checkered flag. You race?

436. Sometimes.

437. Dad's. Detroit IndyCar 1992.

438. - Okay. He drive? Mm-hmm.

439. Nope.

440. Got it.

441. Also, I-I want to make sure this is a-a two-way street, you know?

442. I-I know you've wanted to talk to me,

443. and I-I wanna give you the space to... to do that.

444. Okay. Yeah. Well... Kinda two things.

445. Okay.

446. The first is that I lost my cleaver.

447. And it's just very annoying.

448. You-You need a cleaver?

449. Maybe. Yeah. I don't know.

450. - We'll get you a cleaver. - Yeah. No. For sure.

451. Okay.

452. Chef Carmen's your cousin?

453. - No. - Oh, but Natalie is.

454. Also, no.

455. Got it.

456. What's, uh... What's two?

457. There's an updated agreement?

458. Yeah. Um...

459. Okay. We, uh... We redrafted a couple of terms.

460. And I really... I think this is gonna be really good.

461. You know, for everybody.

462. But there was one thing

463. - I wanted to explain to you, and, um...

464. - Hi. Hi.

465. Sweetie, these are the Bears.

466. Don't know who you are.

467. - Uh, I'm Luca. - Natalie.

468. I thought Richie wasn't gonna hire anyone else.

469. - No, he's a stage. - I'm a stage.

470. Stage. Wonderful.

471. She's little. So little. - She's little.

472. She's, like, cuter than I thought she'd be at this point.

473. - Thanks. Yeah.

474. And quiet. Very quiet.

475. Mm-hmm. - What's her name?

476. Sophie.

477. - Sophie Berzatto. - No, she's a Katinsky.

478. Okay.

479. Shut the fuck up, Faks.

480. - Okay.

481. Sophie, that's Marcus.

482. - You want to hold her? - Sure.

483. - Can we hold her? - No, sweethearts.

484. Okay.

485. - There he is. That's Marcus.

486. What do you think?

487. - Think we're best friends now.

488. Are you gonna smile?

489. Are you gonna smile at Marcus?

490. That's some eye contact.

491. Is that Computer's clock?

492. It's fucking horrifying.

493. So, who are Stevie and Michelle related to?

494. Okay. We're not there yet.

495. Oh, shit.

496. Oh.

497. - Oh. I missed you too. - I missed you.

498. Where's my fucking niece?

499. Uh, she's out there with Marcus.

500. - All right. - Go check her out.

501. Who wants to melt some provolone

502. - on a fucking baby right now? - Okay...

503. Hi, I'm Natalie.

504. Jessica. I work here now.

505. Oh.

506. - Hey, Richie? - Yeah?

507. - Stop fucking hiring people. I did.

508. - Hey. Morning. I'm Rene. - Rene.

509. - Garrett. - Garrett.

510. Guessing you two also work here now.

511. They also work here now.

512. Got it. Any other new stages or hires?

513. Not to my knowledge.

514. Should we call you Sugar?

515. - Natalie. Okay.

516. - Yeah. Good. - Yeah.

517. You know, this is a surprisingly formative period in a person's life.

518. It's good for her to be around me and you.

519. You know, absorb some skills, take an interest in productivity.

520. That's right, Sophie.

521. You don't look at Chef Carmen, you'll develop a refrigerator complex.

522. - Don't talk shit to me through the baby. - Don't swear in front of the baby.

523. No. I'll talk shit right to your face.

524. - Okay. Or do. I don't care anymore. - Kid's a new ally.

525. Teaching her about the perils of antisocial behavior.

526. - This number keeps calling me.

527. I'm gonna take it.

528. - I really like babies. - No, no, no, no, no.

529. - Sug said I could hold it too. - She said we could hold her.

530. - That's a lie. - It's not a lie.

531. - That's a fucking lie. - It's not. Faks don't lie.

532. Yeah.

533. Yeah. Hi, uh, this number called me a few times. I...

534. Yes, this is she.

535. Okay.

536. Okay.

537. Uh, yes. Thank you.

538. Hey, I'm sorry we didn't get to finish. I, uh...

539. Um... Um...

540. - My, um... What?

541. Uh, that was, um...

542. My dad had a heart attack.

543. - Oh, my God. He's in the hospital,

544. and I don't... I don't know... I don't know what to, uh, to do.

545. - What do... What do I do? - Yeah. No. It's okay.

546. We're gonna get you in the van.

547. We're gonna get you the van, and, um, I'm gonna... I'm gonna go with you. Okay?

548. - No. Um... No. Um... Yeah.

549. - I'll go with you. - No, no, no. Stay, please. Um...

550. - You can... The potatoes are in the oven. Yeah, I got that.

551. - I got it. I got it. Yeah. - Yeah. I can go by... I can go by myself.

552. You sure? - Yeah. I-I wanna... Um, yeah. Yeah.

553. - Um... I... I, uh...

554. [inhales sharply, whispering] He had a heart attack?

555. Yeah.

556. Please don't tell anyone.

557. - Okay. - Okay.

558. Let's get you the keys.

559. - Yeah. Okay. - I got you. I got you.