1. Call Pete.
Calling Pete.
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2. Your call
has been forwarded to an automated—
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3. Fuck.
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4. No, no, no, no.
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5. Call Sydney.
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6. Calling Sydney.
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7. Your call has been forwarded
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8. to an automated voice message system.
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9. Call Carmy.
Calling Carmy.
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10. - Your call has been forwarded to...
- What the fuck, Carmy?
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11. You never answer your goddamn phone.
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12. Call Marcus.
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13. - Calling Marcus.
- Come on, come on.
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14. - 3-4-9-7.
- Shit. Shit.
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15. Call Richie.
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16. - Calling Richie.
- Fuck!
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17. Yo.
- ... is not available.
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18. What?
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19. please record your message.
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20. - When you complete your message...
- Fuck you!
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21. or press one for more options.
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22. Oh, my God. Okay. Call Claire.
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23. - Calling The Bear.
- No! Fucking call Claire!
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24. Calling The Bear.
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25. Call fucking Claire.
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26. - Calling The Bear.
- No.
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27. Oh, God. Please, please, please.
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28. - Hey, fuck you!
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
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29. Fuck you, C-Fold!
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30. Fuck.
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31. Oh, my...
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32. Oh, my God.
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33. Call Mom.
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34. Calling Mom.
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35. Okay.
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36. Honey. Honey, honey, honey!
- Oh, shit.
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37. - Hon, I'm right here! Honey! Honey—
- Oh, God. No, no, no.
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38. - Stop. Stop. Slow, Mom.
- No. This is so great!
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39. - I love you. Slow. I'm begging you.
- You must breathe.
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40. - Slow. Slow! Slow. Slow.
- Sweetheart, you must breathe. I am slow.
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41. - You must breathe.
- I'm breathing.
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42. - How far are the contractions?
- I don't know.
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43. - Please chill. I'm fucking breathing, Mom.
- Hee. Hee...
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44. - No, breathe. Hee.
- I'm breathing.
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45. - No. Mom, I'm breathing.
- Hee. Hee.
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46. - Hee. Hee.
- What are you doing?
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47. - Breathing. Hee. Hee.
- Oh, my God. Mom.
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48. - I'm fucking breathing!
- Hey! Hey, hey. Natalie, don't yell at me.
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49. - Oh, my God.
- I have done this three times, okay?
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50. - Please. No.
- I know.
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51. - Please, just fucking stop it. Okay.
- You must breathe.
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52. Mom, I need the baby to come into a calm
and relatively normal environment,
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53. which I know is, like,
fucking beyond foreign to you.
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54. But I'm begging you,
for this ultra specific time,
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55. to please, for the love
of fucking mother of fucking Christ,
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56. just chill the goddamn fuck out.
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57. - Okay. Okay.
- Thank you.
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58. Okay.
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59. - What are you doing, Mom?
- I'm coaching.
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60. - Coaching?
- Just coaching. You must breathe, Natalie.
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61. - No, this is stressing me out!
- Yes, you have to breathe.
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62. - No, it's calming you down.
- Jesus. No, it's not!
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63. - It is. It's calming you down. Breathe.
- Stop! It's not calming me down.
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64. - You see me! I'm not calm!
- Hee. Hee. You are calm.
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65. - Breathe. Hee. Hee...
- No! Stop!
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66. - Okay, you're gonna make me throw up.
- No. No!
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67. - I'm not gonna make you throw up.
- Jesus.
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68. - Giving birth is gonna make you throw up.
- Jesus fucking Christ!
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69. - Honey, just breathe. Just trust me.
- Please, stop.
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70. - Please, stop!
- Breathe. Hee.
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71. - I am fucking breathing.
- Hee. Hee.
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72. - I wouldn't be alive.
- Hee. Hee. Hee.
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73. - Hee. Hee. Hee—
- Shut the fuck up!
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74. Natalie.
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75. But it is not how it was done.
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76. Not back then anyway.
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77. I mean, we didn't,
like, "know" our doctors.
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78. Oh?
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79. You know? They were
just men who said things.
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80. - Mm-hmm.
- Was I excited?
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81. You bet. I couldn't—
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82. I wanted a baby so bad.
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83. You know? I wanted someone
to love me the way I had seen.
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84. You know, all those smug mothers
down at the Jewel,
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85. blocking the aisle with their strollers.
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86. Do you know what Gina said to me?
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87. Gina fucking said to me—
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88. she looked down at my stomach—
she says to me,
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89. "You know, Donna,
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90. there are lots of good
Chinese babies, honey."
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91. I mean, can you imagine?
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92. Can you imagine she said that to me?
The joke was on her, God rest her soul.
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93. I was two months gone
with Michael at the time.
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94. Fucking bitch.
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95. Mom, uh, can you call Pete again?
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96. Oh.
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97. No, no, no, no. I did.
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98. I did. I already did.
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99. Oh, no, no. I called him.
I left him a message.
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100. I said where we were,
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101. and that I was here
and that everything was good, so...
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102. Okay.
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103. It's all good.
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104. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
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105. Uh, did I— Did I tell you that I walked
to the hospital?
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106. Wow.
- Yeah, yeah, to give birth.
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107. I walked to the hospital.
Wow.
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108. Okay, Natalie Berzatto?
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109. - Yes.
- Yeah.
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110. Can you confirm your birthday is 11/10/88?
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111. Calling for hands in 17.
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112. I'll go after intake in 24.
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113. Yeah. And— And my husband,
he's on his way.
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114. This is my mom, Donna.
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115. - Hi. Hi.
- Hi, Donna.
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116. All right, Natalie.
Do you have a birth plan?
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117. Yeah, uh, natural.
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118. And I would prefer to avoid an enema
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119. or excessive shaving of pubic hair.
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120. Yikes.
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121. Mom.
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122. What? I'm sorry. It's just— Yikes.
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123. Um, I wanna be able to move around
and switch positions while I'm in labor.
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124. And can we dim these lights?
Mm-hmm.
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125. - Yeah, we can.
- Okay, great.
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126. - And do you have music?
- Yes.
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127. Okay. I just wanna, like, dim the lights
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128. and listen to music, you know?
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129. Yeah.
- Something good
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130. so that the baby comes into
something really good and—
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131. You know.
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132. Okay, so no epidural?
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133. - No.
- Okay.
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134. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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135. - Natalie. Natalie.
- Mom. No. Stop.
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136. Wha— What? I'm sorry.
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137. - Are you out of your fucking mind?
- Oh, my God.
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138. - Don't, Mom.
- Are you out of your fucking mind?
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139. I just— Why not see
if I can withstand the pain?
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140. - I don't know what it's gonna be.
- Well, I know what it's gonna be.
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141. - Do you? Is that right?
- Yeah. Yeah.
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142. - I have done it three times.
- Sorry. Yeah.
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143. And we've only been listening to you talk
about it for the past four fucking hours.
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144. Okay.
Will you check the supplies?
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145. I haven't had a chance. Yeah, thanks.
Yeah.
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146. Either of you like a water?
- Yes, that'd be good 'cause this coffee—
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147. Actually, can you take the coffee?
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148. 'Cause it's— no, seriously—
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149. 'Cause it's-it's cold.
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150. - Um, I would love water. Thank you.
- Thank you.
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151. Yes. I would also like a water.
Be back in a moment.
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152. Thank you.
Thanks.
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153. Thank you. They're nice. I think.
They are.
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154. - They're so sweet.
- Yeah, they're cute. They're young.
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155. - Okay, can you stop that?
- Well, no.
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156. But it— You don't—
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157. Thank you. That's very helpful.
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158. - Thank you.
- Yeah. You're welcome.
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159. Uh, I appreciate that.
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160. - Yes. Thank you, Mother.
- Mm-hmm. You're welcome.
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161. Just trying to help.
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162. Yeah.
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163. - Mom?
- What?
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164. I just don't wanna be numb.
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165. Is that so bad?
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166. Honey, you know what?
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167. Natalie, you do whatever you want.
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168. I'm just telling you as someone
who's been around the block,
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169. this particular block hurts
like a motherfucking son of a bitch.
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170. Okay.
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171. But you do whatever you want, sweetheart.
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172. - I'm just looking out for you. Really.
- Thank you. Thanks.
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173. I-I also read that it can be helpful
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174. - to have full control of your body...
- No doubt.
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175. and that epidurals
sometimes lead to C-sections,
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176. - so I don't—
- You know? Do whatever you want.
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177. But i— if it does get bad,
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178. and I do decide that I might—
I'm gonna tell them that I—
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179. - Yeah, yeah.
- I'm gonna get the epidural and—
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180. - Yeah. Yeah, whatever you want.
- Okay.
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181. Thank you.
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182. Of course.
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183. - You know what?
- Mmm?
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184. - What?
- You have a little mark on your cheek.
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185. Can I get it off? I don't want you
to lose your shit at me.
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186. - Don't be passive-aggressive.
- I'm not.
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187. I'm just saying that every time I try
to do something, you tell me to stop.
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188. - May I get the spot off your cheek?
- Okay. Okay. You may. You may.
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189. - Right now. I don't know.
- Just...
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190. Maybe it was coffee. I don't know.
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191. - Okay, thank you. Thank you.
- It's gone.
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192. You're welcome.
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193. Oh, God.
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194. I wish I could crack my back.
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195. - Don't get old.
- You okay?
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196. - Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm good.
- Do you want a little...
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197. No, no, no, no. Don't worry.
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198. You have a baby.
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199. So where were you going?
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200. I was going to get paper towels.
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201. Yeah, restaurants have to have
paper towels.
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202. - They do.
- Yeah, they do.
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203. This one never does.
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204. It was so nice out today.
I wanted to be outside.
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205. Yeah.
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206. Where were you going?
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207. I was getting my hair done.
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208. - I'm sorry.
- No.
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209. Natalie, come on.
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210. There's no— no place I'd rather be.
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211. Well, thank you for meeting me.
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212. Well, thank you for asking me.
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213. I will tell you, I was a little surprised.
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214. Me too.
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215. Pete will be here, honey.
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216. I know.
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217. - Does Carmen know?
- Uh...
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218. he didn't answer his phone
when I tried to call him.
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219. - Shocker. Yeah.
- Shocker.
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220. Honey. Honey.
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221. Honey, you don't have
to keep staring at it.
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222. Baby's fine. Really.
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223. - The baby's fine.
- Yeah, okay.
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224. Oh...
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225. - I know. I know. Okay.
- It's coming. It's coming.
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226. Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe.
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227. Hee. Breathe.
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228. - Come on.
- Stop!
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229. Come on! Come on. Hee. Hee.
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230. Hee. Hee.
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231. - Stop doing that.
- No, no, no, no. Hee.
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232. - Hee. Hee. It's not helping.
- There you go.
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233. - Yes, come on. Hee.
- Oh, God. The fuck.
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234. No, no, no. Say the fucking words.
Come on.
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235. Hee. Hee. Hee. Hee.
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236. See? They're working.
Slow it down.
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237. - Slow it down. Slow it.
- Hee. Hee.
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238. It's working.
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239. There you go. There you go. There you go.
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240. - There you go. There you go.
- Okay. Okay.
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241. - See? It works. Yes, it works.
- Yeah. Yeah.
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242. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
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243. You see?
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244. Mmm.
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245. Okay.
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246. Okay.
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247. Can I ask you a question?
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248. Yeah.
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249. You didn't tell me about the baby, and...
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250. I think I understand why.
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251. - Mom.
- But do I understand why?
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252. - I wanna hear the rest of the story.
- Okay.
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253. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
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254. Michael.
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255. Yeah, you were walking.
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256. - You were walking somewhere. I don't know.
- Oh.
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257. Fuck.
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258. - Yes. I was walking.
- I don't know.
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259. Yes, I was walking.
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260. I didn't know what else to do.
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261. I remember it was so cold.
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262. I mean, so cold.
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263. But you know, I felt really good. Great.
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264. Like I vividly remember feeling, like,
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265. really good and strong, you know?
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266. I mean, in between contractions,
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267. but, like, I could take these
stunning deep breaths
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268. and then the pain would hit
and kicked my ass.
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269. It was like a—
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270. It was like a shooting star
through my entire being
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271. and I remember I would stop
and pause and, like, hold on to a—
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272. um—
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273. - Just, like, whatever was around?
- No. You know, the parking meter.
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274. - Or the street sign.
- Oh, yeah.
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275. And— And then it would pass,
and then I got to the hospital.
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276. I walked in and I literally shouted.
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277. I was like, "Hello. Drugs.
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278. Hello, please. Hello?"
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279. Okay. Keep it down.
"Give me drugs.
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280. Like, give me the drugs."
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281. And they did.
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282. And then, you know, Michael was born.
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283. And the doctor said—
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284. The doctor said it was an amazing birth,
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285. because, somehow, I guess he had gotten
sort of twisted up inside there,
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286. right up until the last minute,
literally to the last second.
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287. It was— It was kind of like he like he—
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288. like he wanted to stay in there.
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289. Yeah.
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290. What about Carm?
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291. - What?
- Fuck.
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292. - Your father was there for that one.
- Mmm.
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293. He was?
I wish he hadn't been.
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294. No seriously.
We were fighting the entire time.
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295. And the hospital.
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296. The hospital was a fucking mess.
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297. It was as if every person in the world
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298. decided to have labor
at that exact second.
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299. Oh, God.
- And he—
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300. - He kept asking for a sedative.
- Dad did?
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301. Like he was about to give birth.
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302. Like he was asking for a sedative,
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303. and he was panicking,
and he freaked me the fuck out.
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304. And then Carmen— fucking Carmen—
he took so long.
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305. It was so hard and so scary,
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306. because he kept getting stuck,
and they just kept having to move me,
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307. and I remember they were moving me
in all these positions.
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308. And then at one point, I think they had me
fucking upside down or something.
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309. I don't even remember. But, babe. Babe.
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310. - Yeah?
- No, no, no, no.
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311. It's not gonna happen to you.
That's not gonna happen to you.
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312. You know what? It was fucked all around.
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313. The whole thing was fucked.
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314. Seriously. From the beginning,
it was fucked.
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315. And you know what?
I thought I was gonna be on easy street.
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316. 'Cause I was told,
you know, boys are easier.
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317. Are they easier?
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318. I don't think any of it's easier.
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319. It just all hurts the same.
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320. - Shit. Shit. Shit.
- Come on.
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321. - Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
- Come on. Come on.
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322. Breathe, baby.
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323. Breathe. Hee.
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324. Hee. Hee. Hee. Hee.
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325. - Come on, baby. You can do it.
- Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
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326. Hee. Hee.
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327. - Hee. Hee.
- Now slow down.
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328. - Slow down.
- Hee...
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329. See? Look. Look. Look on the monitor.
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330. See? It's working. Look, look, look.
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331. You can do it. Slow it down.
Hee. Hee.
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332. Hee. Hee.
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333. - Let me rub your back.
- Okay. Okay.
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334. - Please rub my back.
- See. It works.
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335. Hee. Hee.
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336. Hee...
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337. This is not ending.
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338. Breathe.
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339. Okay, yeah.
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340. You know what? You have your dad's ass.
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341. I'm feeling your ass,
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342. - and it's just like your dad's.
- What the fuck, Mom?
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343. - Your dad had a nice ass.
- What the fuck are you talking about?
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344. - He had a nice butt.
- Okay, get off me!
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345. Jesus fucking Christ.
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346. Oh, my God.
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347. Call Pete again, please.
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348. Hey, can I get you anything?
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349. May I get you anything, like a snack?
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350. Something to eat? What would be good?
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351. Sorry, I'm just still fucking reeling
over having Dad's ass.
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352. - Can I get you something?
- What do you want?
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353. It seems like you want something.
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354. No, no, no, no.
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355. No. What can I get you?
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356. What do you like?
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357. - Do you know what I fucking loved?
- What?
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358. Ice chips.
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359. - Ooh.
- Ooh.
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360. Ooh.
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361. - Okay.
- Can I get you some?
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362. - Yeah. Please get me some. Thank you.
- I will. I'm gonna go get 'em.
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363. - Okay. Please.
- Okay. Let me go get 'em.
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364. Thank God.
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365. "Your dad's ass." Jesus.
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366. No.
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367. No, no. No.
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368. Say the words. Say the words.
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369. Hee. Hee.
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370. - Hee. Hee. Hee.
- There you go.
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371. Hee.
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372. Hee. Haa.
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373. - Oh, my God.
- Slow it down.
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374. No.
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375. Okay.
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376. Okay.
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377. - Okay.
- Mmm.
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378. You have that. There.
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379. Thank you.
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380. Try those.
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381. Okay.
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382. Just let it dissolve in your mouth.
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383. - See?
- Yeah. I like crunching them.
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384. - Really good. Delicious.
- Delicious.
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385. Incredible.
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386. - And cheap.
- Mmm.
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387. - This is that good ice too.
- Mm-hmm.
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388. Hey, everybody.
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389. Hi.
I'm Dr. Levin.
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390. - Hi. I'm Natalie. This is my mom.
- Hi, Natalie.
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391. - Hello. Donna.
- Hi, Donna.
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392. - Want some ice?
- Uh, no, thank you.
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393. Um... Okay, let's see how we're doing here.
Okay.
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394. - Um, come down a little further.
- Okay.
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395. Good. All right.
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396. Now you're gonna feel some pressure.
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397. Okay.
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398. Um...
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399. Okay. Okay.
Okay. Great.
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400. I mean, everything looks great,
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401. but you're only five,
six centimeters dilated.
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402. Okay.
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403. So— So now what?
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404. Uh, you wait.
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405. We need to adjust her toco.
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406. What if I don't wanna wait?
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407. Oh. Well, oxytocin. You go like...
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408. Yeah.
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409. Yeah.
Yeah.
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410. Well— Well, we could try oxytocin.
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411. Or Pitocin.
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412. Are— Are you asking me
if that's a good idea or...
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413. No, it's just— It's really up to you,
Natalie. It's your body.
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414. Uh...
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415. If you were to guess how much longer
you think the whole thing will take?
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416. Well, however long it takes.
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417. Dr. Levin.
Hold on.
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418. Dr. Levin.
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419. - We've got a code OB in room two.
- Okay. Yes, I'm coming.
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420. Nurse Choe, we have a baby down
in room two.
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421. We're opening the OR for a possible crash.
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422. Please assist.
Yes.
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423. PPH.
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424. PPH. Grab the hemorrhage cart.
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425. Mom?
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426. Yeah?
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427. I think I want the Pitocin.
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428. Yeah.
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429. You know, I think.
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430. - Yeah.
- It's probably the right choice.
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431. And maybe an epidural too.
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432. Yeah. Good idea.
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433. Let me make my hand cold.
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434. Put it on your forehead.
See how that feels.
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435. That feel good?
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436. - Yeah.
- Yeah?
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437. Thank you, Mom.
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438. - Mom?
- Mm-hmm.
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439. What did you think I wasn't saying before?
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440. That you didn't want me around.
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441. Am I right?
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442. I just didn't want
all the stuff you bring with you.
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443. Yeah. I've been trying
to put that stuff away.
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444. Yeah?
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445. How's it going?
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446. It's not easy.
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447. I bet.
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448. I'm glad you're trying.
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449. Me too.
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450. I just—
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451. Mom, I don't want her scared
like I was scared.
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452. I scared you?
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453. You scared all of us.
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454. Oh, that's terrible.
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455. That's a lot.
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456. I don't remember your mom.
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457. You don't want to.
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458. I'm sorry.
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459. I feel like everybody's
mad at me all the time.
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460. I ask people if they're all right
way too much.
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461. If someone feels sick,
I start to feel sick.
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462. I feel alone.
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463. Or ugly.
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464. Or like I'm in trouble.
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465. I feel like Pete's gonna leave me.
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466. Why would Pete leave you?
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467. I'm just telling you,
these are the things that I think about.
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468. - Okay, but that's irrational.
- A lot, Mom.
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469. - No.
- It's irrational.
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470. Okay, but it's exhausting too.
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471. I always put you first.
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472. Always.
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473. Aw, that's sweet.
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474. No, it isn't sweet. It's fucked up, Mom.
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475. I'm always trying to make you happy.
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476. Mom, I'd make myself sick
to make you feel better.
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477. - Do you understand that?
- I do.
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478. And I can never forgive myself
for that, Sugar. I can't.
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479. Mom...
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480. I don't— I'm not asking you to.
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481. I don't need that.
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482. I'm just— You know,
you asked me why I didn't tell you.
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483. I just don't want her
to feel the way that I felt.
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484. Oh, she won't.
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485. - You don't know that.
- Oh, I do.
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486. I do. I do.
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487. - I'm so scared.
- I know.
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488. It's so much.
It is, yeah.
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489. I'm right here.
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490. I just want her to be okay.
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491. She's gonna be okay. She's gonna be fine.
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492. And I wanna be good.
I really wanna be good.
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493. You are good. You are.
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494. I want her to be okay.
I just want her to be okay.
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495. She's gonna be fine.
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496. - Okay. Okay.
- Okay.
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497. Come on. Come on. Come on.
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498. Hee. Hee.
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499. Hee. Hee.
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500. It really hurts. It really hurts.
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501. It hurts.
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502. I definitely need the epidural.
This is fucked.
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503. Oh, my God.
Hee. Hee.
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504. Come on.
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505. Hee. Hee. Hee.
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506. Hee. Hee.
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507. Hee. Hee.
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508. - You're doing so great.
- Oh, my God.
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509. - Okay. Okay.
- Okay.
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510. Okay, Mom.
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511. Okay.
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512. Okay.
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513. Oh, my God.
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514. Okay.
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515. Ice chip. I need an ice chip.
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516. Okay. Put your head back.
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517. Oh, my God.
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518. Here.
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519. - Here, babe.
- Yeah.
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520. One more.
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521. - Okay. I feel so much better.
- All right.
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522. Thank you.
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523. Does that feel good?
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524. That feels so good.
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525. See.
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526. This is so fucking weird.
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527. - So weird.
- Oh, my God.
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528. So weird.
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529. So weird.
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530. I'm happy you're here.
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531. Me too.
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532. Tell me about me.
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533. What do you mean?
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534. Like, delivery.
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535. It was beautiful.
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536. - Really?
- Yeah.
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537. You were beautiful.
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538. I wasn't due, you know, for a few days.
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539. And I was home alone,
and I don't know why.
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540. You know, I don't know
where your father was.
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541. But I was home alone, I was so excited,
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542. because I was gonna get to go to bed,
like, at eight o'clock, you know?
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543. That was like—
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544. And I remember I climbed into bed,
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545. and I fell into the deepest,
fastest sleep I've ever had.
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546. And I had this—
this really vivid dream, but—
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547. You know those kind of dreams
where you're just doing normal stuff...
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548. - Yes.
- ... but things are, like, super detailed?
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549. - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. So.
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550. In this nothing dream—
I mean, nothing dream, um,
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551. I must have had, like, the day off
from whatever job, you know, I had,
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552. because I was in the city.
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553. And it wasn't Chicago,
and it wasn't New York.
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554. It was some sort of hybrid city, you know?
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555. And— And there was a fish tank.
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556. - A fish tank?
- Big fish tank in the middle of the city.
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557. It was this giant fish tank,
and I was the only one looking at it.
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558. I mean, it was—
it was like— like a mega,
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559. like a— like a dentist office
kind of mega fish tank.
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560. And I remember—
I remember the colors were—
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561. They were so sharp and vivid and neon,
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562. you know,
and I was the only one looking at it.
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563. And it was in the city,
and the city was all gray.
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564. And it was beautiful. And I remember
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565. I was, like, watching it
for the longest time.
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566. I was just staring at it
for the longest time.
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567. And all of a sudden,
I noticed that the glass
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568. started to come apart
like it was gonna split.
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569. But I wasn't worried, you know?
It wasn't bad,
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570. because I knew that more people
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571. were gonna get to see
these beautiful fish.
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572. And then I woke up, and I was sweating,
and my water had broke.
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573. Wow.
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574. And I, you know,
made my way to the hospital,
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575. and, um— um,
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576. Auntie Gail met me there. The, um—
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577. Jimmy's first wife,
but I don't think you ever met her.
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578. - Did you ever meet her?
- I don't know.
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579. - No, no, no. This was his first wife.
- I feel like I've seen photos.
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580. - Okay.
- Yeah. Yeah. She met me there.
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581. And she was sweet, and she sat with me.
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582. And she put on this beautiful song,
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583. and...
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584. And then Natalie.
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585. Mom.
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586. You're beautiful.
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587. Thank you.
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588. What song?
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589. Hold, please.
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590. Hold on. Hold on.
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591. - Um...
- You want me to help you?
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592. No, no, I know how to drive.
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593. - Okay.
- Okay. Just hold on.
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594. Honey.
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595. - Hi!
- Hi. Hi.
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596. Oh, my God.
- Hi.
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597. You're here. You're here.
I'm sorry I'm so late.
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598. Are you okay?
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599. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm good. I'm good.
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600. Oh, my God, baby.
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601. How was it?
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602. - I won. Yeah, I won.
- Yay!
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603. - That's amazing.
- Oh, my God.
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604. Are you okay?
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605. - Yeah?
- I'm good. Good.
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606. I parked in a handicap spot, but—
but there were tons, and I'll go move it.
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607. But the guy was like—
I was like, "My wife's in labor!"
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608. - He's like, "Go, go, go, go, go!"
- Yeah, yeah.
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609. I'm so happy you're here.
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610. DD.
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611. Thank you.
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612. I love you.
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613. I love you too.
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614. What do I do?
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615. Just stand next to her.
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616. Okay.
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617. Hey, Mrs. B.
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618. Hey.
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619. What took so long?
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620. The phones were off.
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621. - Hey, Mrs. Berzatto.
- Hey.
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622. How you doing?
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623. Is everybody okay?
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624. Yeah, I hope so.
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625. You're a grandma now.
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626. Stop.
You're a grandma.
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627. Can you imagine?
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628. You're gonna be a good one.
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629. Oh, yeah.
I can.
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630. Yeah.
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