1. Come on, guys, stop!Copy !req
2. Hey.
- Hi.Copy !req
3. You okay, buddy?Copy !req
4. Yeah.
Yeah?Copy !req
5. Hmm.
- Yeah.Copy !req
6. - I love you, bear.
- I love you, too, bear.Copy !req
7. Maybe just, like,Copy !req
8. like, don't do it to yourself?Copy !req
9. It's not like I'm trying to.Copy !req
10. But, you know,
when you do that,
it just kinda, like...Copy !req
11. does it to all of us?Copy !req
12. - Michael.
- Natalie.Copy !req
13. Just don't ask her.Copy !req
14. It's not like I wanna ask her.Copy !req
15. I know, I know,
but it's that thing, you know.Copy !req
16. You ask somebody
if they're okay,Copy !req
17. they immediately start thinking
they're not acting okay...Copy !req
18. and that immediately makes them
start not acting okay.Copy !req
19. No one can make anyone else
act a certain way.Copy !req
20. Okay.Copy !req
21. Remember last year?
Hmm.Copy !req
22. - And the year before?
- Yeah.Copy !req
23. So I'm not fucking crazy.Copy !req
24. Nobody thinks you're crazy.
Nobody's saying that.Copy !req
25. Well, she is.Copy !req
26. Yeah, she's fuckin'
out of her mind.Copy !req
27. And here I am,
just fucking in the middleCopy !req
28. because you're you
and Carmy's Carmy.Copy !req
29. Okay, so then, just,
you know, let us handle it.Copy !req
30. You won't handle it.
No, we won't. Exactly.Copy !req
31. That's my point.Copy !req
32. With her, not handling it,Copy !req
33. it's the best way to handle it.Copy !req
34. I mean, where do you think
she's at right now?Copy !req
35. What, like at a four?
A five?Copy !req
36. She's not at a six, right?Copy !req
37. Hmm. No.Copy !req
38. I've heard you ask her
three times tonight
if she's alright.Copy !req
39. You don't have to ask her
every ten minutes if she's okay.Copy !req
40. That's not gonna help anything.Copy !req
41. Do you know how much
I would loveCopy !req
42. to feel like I didn't
have to ask her?Copy !req
43. I bet you would
love that very, very much.Copy !req
44. - Yes, a lot.
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
45. - I would love it a lot.
- I'm sure.Copy !req
46. Hey, you guys call me?Copy !req
47. No, I just said you're you.Copy !req
48. Hey, hey, Mikey, can you come
inside and be you real quick?Copy !req
49. I don't know how to deal
with these people.Copy !req
50. Yeah, I'll be right there.Copy !req
51. Let me see.Copy !req
52. Thanks.Copy !req
53. Yo.Copy !req
54. Is this some family shit
I should know about?Copy !req
55. No, it is not.Copy !req
56. Give us a second,
alright, cousin?Copy !req
57. Alright.Copy !req
58. Happy you're home, bear.Copy !req
59. Would it kill you
to pick up the phone?Copy !req
60. Carm.Copy !req
61. I'm happy you're home.Copy !req
62. Okay?Copy !req
63. I'm not gonna ask
if she's okay.Copy !req
64. - That's good.
- Yeah.Copy !req
65. Yeah.Copy !req
66. Carm, will you handle Mom?Copy !req
67. Yeah. I'll handle her.Copy !req
68. Mikey, them?Copy !req
69. I'm gonna handle 'em.Copy !req
70. Our Mother of Victory.Copy !req
71. Pray for us.Copy !req
72. Carol, What would you
like me to do with this?Copy !req
73. Bend over and I'll show ya.Copy !req
74. Well, it's fuckin' burning me.Copy !req
75. Hey, new person, take this.Copy !req
76. It's Steven, you met me
a million times.Copy !req
77. Come on, Lee,
you met him a million times.Copy !req
78. Lee, I'm not touching it.
Jimmy!Copy !req
79. Tell, tell Carol
to stop shouting at me.Copy !req
80. Bro, why are you yelling?Copy !req
81. You ever been burned
with a fuckin' Dutch oven?Copy !req
82. Here, Sugar, take this.Copy !req
83. Fuck, I don't wanna take this.Copy !req
84. Oh, you're so tough,
I'll lay you out.Copy !req
85. Hey, are you gonna lay me out?Copy !req
86. Is that, like,
what you're gonna do?Copy !req
87. Enough.
Way to handle them, Mikey.Copy !req
88. I believe that I have
the greatestCopy !req
89. financial opportunity
that you've ever heard.Copy !req
90. Baseball cards are back.Copy !req
91. I'm telling you, money.
We're making cash...
We got a whole box.Copy !req
92. All we need is $500
to buy a box.Copy !req
93. My eBay is lit up.
Notifications. Alerts.Copy !req
94. Can I stop you one second?Copy !req
95. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes.Copy !req
96. How many fucking Faks
are there?Copy !req
97. Well, there's Kenny
and Sammy and Susan,Copy !req
98. and then Frank, Francie,Copy !req
99. and then there's Doug.
A good amount of us.Copy !req
100. - Gary.
- A lot. Okay.
Back to the pitch.Copy !req
101. Listen, no, back to the pitch.
We got, we got, we got,Copy !req
102. we got Ken Griffey.Copy !req
103. There's Lenny Dykstra.Copy !req
104. We got,
you know, Jay Buhner.Copy !req
105. We got Vance Law.Copy !req
106. Oh, my God. Yeah.Copy !req
107. Tell me you got
Mickey fuckin' Morandini.Copy !req
108. Of course! Of course we do.Copy !req
109. They're all in the box!Copy !req
110. But we need, we need $500.Copy !req
111. You've got Morandini?
$500.Copy !req
112. Yeah!
We've got Morandini.Copy !req
113. We need $500.
Copy and paste.Copy !req
114. To turn into $1,500Copy !req
115. within a couple months.
Couple months.Copy !req
116. Time out.
Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
117. Hold this so I can slap ya.Copy !req
118. Stupidest fuckin' idea
I ever heard.Copy !req
119. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
120. - Do you think he's in?
- Do you think he's in?Copy !req
121. Was that a business slap?Copy !req
122. Yeah.Copy !req
123. Ma.Copy !req
124. Carmen.Copy !req
125. I'm spilling shit everywhere.Copy !req
126. And I'm behind on the lobster.Copy !req
127. Carmen, I have a question.Copy !req
128. Is cousin Michelle's friend
Steven, is he gay?Copy !req
129. Is who gay? Ma. Ma, Ma, Ma.Copy !req
130. Why are you doing
the seven fishes thing?Copy !req
131. Nobody ever eats this shit.
No, no, no.Copy !req
132. Steven, is he gay?
I mean, he seems kinda gay.Copy !req
133. You know, he's arty and...Copy !req
134. I mean,
I love him and everything,Copy !req
135. but he's gay, I think.Copy !req
136. And it's tradition.Copy !req
137. It's tradition that he's gay?Copy !req
138. No. The seven fishes.Copy !req
139. What the fuck do you think
I've been doing thisCopy !req
140. since 4:00 this morning for?Copy !req
141. Okay. Ma, hey, how can I help?Copy !req
142. Uh, you can fix the forks.Copy !req
143. Um, I just need
some olives for the drinks.Copy !req
144. I'm not gonna touch nothing.Copy !req
145. Oh, my God.
What smells so good?Copy !req
146. Oh, my God.
That'd be me.Copy !req
147. Is it you?
- Check.Copy !req
148. Come here.Copy !req
149. Oh, it is you.Copy !req
150. - Hey. Hey.
- How are you?Copy !req
151. - What's for dessert?
- No, no, no, no.Copy !req
152. You brought the cake.Copy !req
153. Get the fuck out.Copy !req
154. Hey, there. Yeah.Copy !req
155. Hey, Carmen. Yeah.Copy !req
156. Stop giving me shit about it.Copy !req
157. What? What?Copy !req
158. I'm just trying
to do a nice thing, honey.Copy !req
159. Just-just stop, like,
fucking with it.Copy !req
160. Alright. Alright.
Forget it. Yeah.
Just do it.Copy !req
161. Mrs. B, are our
skateboards in here?
No!Copy !req
162. No, no, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
163. Faks, out, out, out.
What's up, Carm?Copy !req
164. Michael said that our
skateboards were in here.Copy !req
165. - How you doing, Ma?
- Out, out.Copy !req
166. This is a delicate operation.Copy !req
167. Big Neil
got us skateboards.Copy !req
168. You make me hot.
You make me very hot.Copy !req
169. Do you think
that we can sleepover—Copy !req
170. There's no sleepovers
at Christmas.
What the fuck?Copy !req
171. No, we can sleepover.Copy !req
172. No, you can't sleepover
on Christmas.Copy !req
173. No. Mm-mmm.
No? No.Copy !req
174. Big Neil
got us skateboards.Copy !req
175. You know what? Shut up.Copy !req
176. - Michael!
- Michael hid 'em.Copy !req
177. Hey, Michael.
Get in here. Mike?Copy !req
178. Mike.
- The Faks are asking me
stupid things—Copy !req
179. Ma, are you good?
Yeah, yeah, we're good.Copy !req
180. Ma, you—
Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
181. Can you, uh, can you
grab some paper towelsCopy !req
182. from the garage, Sug?Copy !req
183. Yo, Mike, what's up?Copy !req
184. How you doing?
What's up, Mike?Copy !req
185. - Yo, what's up, Mike?
- You're like a grown man,Copy !req
186. why are you looking
for a fuckin' skateboard?Copy !req
187. I got a little side hustle.
Do me a favor.Copy !req
188. Go get some ice
from the garage.Copy !req
189. On it. Okay.
What was I doing?Copy !req
190. Okay.
Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
191. Where's the cake?Copy !req
192. - Where's the cake?
- It's defrosting, Ma, it's fine.Copy !req
193. Ma, why don't
you let him help you?
- Okay. Okay.Copy !req
194. It's all he fucking does.Copy !req
195. - He'd be great.
- What was that?Copy !req
196. What was that?
Like a, that was a shot or...Copy !req
197. Mikey, he is helping me.
Back off.Copy !req
198. Is that a shot?
What? Yeah.Copy !req
199. I'm the guy that does food.Copy !req
200. You're the guy that what?
You-you, uh...Copy !req
201. You start
100 different businessesCopy !req
202. and have zero follow-through.Copy !req
203. Carmen, I need you
to check the branzino.
- Wow.Copy !req
204. I feel like
that was a shot, Carm.Copy !req
205. Okay, this is why, this is why
I didn't wanna come home.Copy !req
206. - This is why.
- Fuck you.Copy !req
207. - What the fuck? What?
- Why the fuck
would you say that?Copy !req
208. It's fuckin' Christmas.
Why would you say
you didn't wanna come back?Copy !req
209. Whatever, okay? Whatever.Copy !req
210. Whatever. Okay.Copy !req
211. We're very happy
you're home, Carm.Copy !req
212. Yes, we are.
- We're all very
fucking proud of you.Copy !req
213. - We all really fuckin' love you.
- I'm not a fuckin' baby.Copy !req
214. Then stop being
a fuckin' pussy
and say the words.Copy !req
215. Stop being a pussy.
Just say the fuckin' words.
Say the words.Copy !req
216. - Carmen, come on.
- Just say the words.Copy !req
217. Just say it.Copy !req
218. I love you.
Ohh!Copy !req
219. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.Copy !req
220. Thank you. Okay.Copy !req
221. So happy the bear's home.Copy !req
222. Yes, I'm happy.
Come here. I am happy.Copy !req
223. Hi. Yeah. Okay.
Happy, happy.Copy !req
224. Thank you.
- You know, it's nice he's back.Copy !req
225. We get him only once a year.Copy !req
226. Mom.
He's too fancy for us.Copy !req
227. Okay, Carmen,
I need you to pay attention.Copy !req
228. Yeah, yeah.
- Alright? No, come here.Copy !req
229. What?
- So when that timer goes off...Copy !req
230. - Uh-huh.
- ... I need you to rememberCopy !req
231. to put the Rockefellers in,Copy !req
232. um, and-and take out
the artichokes,Copy !req
233. which leaves an open oven.Copy !req
234. Stop doing something
and just listen.Copy !req
235. Okay. Alright,
I hear you, I hear you.Copy !req
236. What was I saying?
What? What?Copy !req
237. We were saying we gotta
free up one of the slotsCopy !req
238. in the oven, right? Yes. Okay.
Right, oven slot.Copy !req
239. So then, we take
the artichokes out.Copy !req
240. So then I need you to put
the branzino on the topCopy !req
241. and let it broil
and just get thatCopy !req
242. nice little crispy bit on top.Copy !req
243. - Uh-huh.
- And then I need to remember
to set this timer backCopy !req
244. to two minutes
to drop the lobsters back in.Copy !req
245. And then when that goes off,Copy !req
246. I need you
to take the branzino out.Copy !req
247. And-and don't forget
to stir the gravy.Copy !req
248. - Oh, my God.
- Why? What do we got gravy for?Copy !req
249. Because nobody gets this shit.Copy !req
250. That was unpleasant.
I threw up all over my sweater.Copy !req
251. Is it okay
I borrowed your robe?Copy !req
252. Oh, of course.
You know what?
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
253. It looks so pretty on you.
You should keep it.Copy !req
254. - Oh, you're so sweet.
- No, no, no. Seriously.Copy !req
255. Hi, Carm. Hi, hi.
Hi, Tiff.Copy !req
256. - Hi. How are you?
- How you doing? You okay?Copy !req
257. I mean,
I'm puking everywhere.Copy !req
258. But I'm alright. I'm pregnant.
Do you know this?Copy !req
259. Yeah, yeah.
Congratulations. I know.
- We're having a baby. Thank you.Copy !req
260. - She is not alright.
- Why?Copy !req
261. What? I mean...
- She is throwing up.Copy !req
262. Get her some Brioschi.
I mean... You know what?Copy !req
263. Hey, Ri, Ri.Copy !req
264. Get your fucking ass in here.
What?Copy !req
265. Get Tiff
some Brioschi right now.Copy !req
266. - Oh, my God. What's going on?
- That's it, that's it, I got it.Copy !req
267. How was Ireland?
- Uh, Copenhagen.Copy !req
268. Oh, sorry.
Where is Copenhagen?
- Yeah. Sorry, sorry.Copy !req
269. Huh?
Where's Copenhagen?Copy !req
270. Aunt Deedee,Copy !req
271. why are you
screaming at me
like a maniac?Copy !req
272. Why are you screaming at me
like a maniac?Copy !req
273. Stop tickling me!
Wh...Copy !req
274. Stop it right now!Copy !req
275. Why are you
screaming like a maniac?Copy !req
276. - I'm right here.
- You know. You know
I'm really ticklish.Copy !req
277. Alright, alright.
- Stop.Copy !req
278. Watch out. Watch out.Copy !req
279. - Richie. Jesus Christ.
- She's okay. She's fine.Copy !req
280. How do you know I'm okay?
She's alright.Copy !req
281. - She's a little nauseous.
- Be a gentlemanCopy !req
282. - and take care of her.
- She's a little bit nauseous.Copy !req
283. - Actually—
- What the hell do you
have on your sleeve?Copy !req
284. - Don't worry about it.
- Jesus, this is your
nice sweater. I got it for you.Copy !req
285. Actually, nausea's good for
a baby 'cause it lets you
know that they're healthy.Copy !req
286. He read one book. Yeah.
Okay, you know what.Copy !req
287. - Do you wanna go lay down
upstairs in my bed?
- That would be nice.Copy !req
288. - Oh, thanks, D.
- Of course.Copy !req
289. - D, you got a little
green on you.
- That's sweet of you.Copy !req
290. Oh, okay. Thank you.
You know what? Go lay down.Copy !req
291. You want
a Sprite or something?Copy !req
292. You go up, I'm gonna
get you a Sprite.Copy !req
293. - Alright.
- You want anything else, babe?Copy !req
294. I don't know.
You good, bear?Copy !req
295. Yeah, yeah.
I'm good, I'm good.Copy !req
296. I asked you not to do this.Copy !req
297. - I didn't do anything.
- Yeah.Copy !req
298. - What?
- You look a little green.Copy !req
299. - Do you want a Sprite?
- Thank you, I feel—Copy !req
300. Oh, yeah, that would be nice.
Thank you.Copy !req
301. Yeah.
- How do you feel?Copy !req
302. Not great.
- I-I feel terrible.Copy !req
303. Okay, feel better.Copy !req
304. - Here, paper towels.
- Thank you, thanks, Sug.Copy !req
305. Yo, Auntie D.
What?Copy !req
306. Uh, are we outta Sprite?Copy !req
307. We don't have Sprite.Copy !req
308. We don't have Sprite?
Ma! Ma!Copy !req
309. Cousin... I got it.
I got it. I got it.Copy !req
310. Well, no, no, no, no, no.
You can't go to the store.Copy !req
311. You're gonna go
to the store now?Copy !req
312. - My timers are going off.
- Mom, I know.Copy !req
313. Carmen. I need you.
I know, I know.Copy !req
314. No, no, I'm gonna make it.Copy !req
315. I'm gonna make it.
It's fine.Copy !req
316. Oh, you're gonna make it.Copy !req
317. Yeah.
You're gonna
make Sprite?Copy !req
318. Yeah, I'm gonna
make fuckin' Sprite, yeah.Copy !req
319. Are you a fuckin' pop machine?Copy !req
320. Yeah, I'm a fuckin' pop machine.Copy !req
321. Hey, Ma,
are you sure you're good?Copy !req
322. Listen, I know you keep thinking
like you wanna try to help.Copy !req
323. Do you wanna just
make the whole dinner?Copy !req
324. I want to help you.
- How do you know how
to make a Sprite?Copy !req
325. Just stop. Okay?
Just stop.Copy !req
326. How the fuck do you know
how to make Sprite?Copy !req
327. You know how he knows
how to make Sprite?Copy !req
328. Because he's a big-time chef.Copy !req
329. - Oh. Got it, got it.
- That's how.Copy !req
330. - That's how I know.
- Somehow, I forgot.Copy !req
331. Nattie, I appreciate you.
Thank you for asking.Copy !req
332. Okay.
Thank you.Copy !req
333. Yo, Auntie D.
What?Copy !req
334. Why the seven fishes?
Oh, my God.Copy !req
335. What is up with everyone today?Copy !req
336. I'm just trying to make
a nice fuckin' thing.Copy !req
337. I just mean why the fuck
do people even do it?Copy !req
338. Because it's based
on people who left ItalyCopy !req
339. to find new dreams
and homes with new people.Copy !req
340. And they brought
their seven best thingsCopy !req
341. from their sea
to their new homes,Copy !req
342. and not so their families end upCopy !req
343. being a bunch
of fuckin' jagoffs.Copy !req
344. - That's not even close.
- What's not even close?Copy !req
345. Why do you come
in here talking shit?Copy !req
346. I'm not talking shit.
I'm just saying,Copy !req
347. her seven fishes legend
is not even close.Copy !req
348. There are sevens
all over the Bible.Copy !req
349. You get Sacraments, virtues,
days, guilt, probably.Copy !req
350. You know,
making people feel like shit,Copy !req
351. holding everything in
and then letting it out inappropriately,Copy !req
352. raging, pouting,
screaming, making scenes.Copy !req
353. You know,
all the Italian classics.Copy !req
354. Yo, you're
not even Italian, bro.Copy !req
355. I know. Polski, baby. Polski.Copy !req
356. - I like your version better.
- Thanks.Copy !req
357. Hey, Carmen, take outCopy !req
358. the proscuit
and the mortadel, please.Copy !req
359. Yeah, I got you.Copy !req
360. Yo, Carm.Copy !req
361. Yo? Here you go, Sprite.Copy !req
362. Sprite? Sprite. Fuck. Sprite.Copy !req
363. Why isn't somebody
listening to me?Copy !req
364. What? I'm listening.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
365. Why is no one listening to me?
I'm listening. What?Copy !req
366. - What? What?
- I said move the pot.Copy !req
367. When?
I said move the pot.Copy !req
368. Right now? I'll move the pot.
You want me to move the pot?Copy !req
369. I said move the fucking pot.
Okay! Alright!Copy !req
370. Here, here. Here's the pot.Copy !req
371. And it's fuckin' moving.
And it's going right over here.Copy !req
372. - Thank you.
- Okay? There you go.Copy !req
373. - I'm sorry.
I just need a second.
- Thank you.Copy !req
374. I just need
to go look at this...Copy !req
375. Thank you.Copy !req
376. One sec,
I gotta find Rich. Cousin!
Jesus fucking...Copy !req
377. Cousin!
Yo.Copy !req
378. - Did you tell him?
- What?Copy !req
379. Did you fuckin tell him?Copy !req
380. Wh-wh-wh-what? What?Copy !req
381. - Oh, fuck me! Dawg!
- Bro...Copy !req
382. Merry fuckin' Christmas, bro.Copy !req
383. - What? What do you mean?
- Merry fuckin' ChristmasCopy !req
384. Guys, don't fuck
with me right now.Copy !req
385. No one's fuckin' with you.Copy !req
386. What the fuck?
Why would you think that?Copy !req
387. 'Cause you're always
fuckin' with me,Copy !req
388. that's why I fuckin think it.
What do you mean?Copy !req
389. You're not gonna
fucking believe who we just saw.Copy !req
390. No, no, no, no, no, no.
This is a good thing.Copy !req
391. This is a good thing.
Just listen.Copy !req
392. What do you mean?
Don't be
a mopey little fuck.Copy !req
393. What? I'm not being
a mopey little fuck.Copy !req
394. Just take a break.
Take a break from being
a mopey little fuck.Copy !req
395. We're trying to tell you...
Shut your mouth.
Just listen.Copy !req
396. We're trying to tell you
we ran intoCopy !req
397. the love of your fucking life.Copy !req
398. I don't have a love of my life.Copy !req
399. Just fucking tell him.
Claire bear.Copy !req
400. Claire bear!
Claire bear.Copy !req
401. - You saw Claire?
- We saw Claire bear!Copy !req
402. That fuckin' chubby little
genius down the street,
she's beautiful.Copy !req
403. - The body is banging!
- Banging, yo. Banging.Copy !req
404. Yo, she is hot as balls.Copy !req
405. Hot as fuckin' balls, dude.
- Yo.Copy !req
406. Oh, my God,
the glasses came off.Copy !req
407. The motherfucking glasses
came off, G!Copy !req
408. Like a librarian
in a fuckin' porno.Copy !req
409. She's all that
and a fuckin' basket
of biscuits, bro.Copy !req
410. And by the way, she's like,Copy !req
411. she's like
a legitimate fucking wizard.Copy !req
412. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's true.
She's like a wizard.Copy !req
413. Tiffany used to babysit her.Copy !req
414. - She's obsessed with science.
- What did you do?Copy !req
415. - She's obsessed with science.
- She's in med school.Copy !req
416. - She's in med school.
- What did you do?Copy !req
417. - What did you do?
- We didn't do anything.Copy !req
418. What do you mean?
- We just massaged the fuckin'...Copy !req
419. Bro, this is a
once-in-a-million opportunityCopy !req
420. for you to score with a womanCopy !req
421. that's stacked
physically and mentally.Copy !req
422. Homie, you're having a child.
Like, what the fuck?Copy !req
423. Why are you talking like that?Copy !req
424. It's not about me.Copy !req
425. Carmen, what are you
talking about?Copy !req
426. - It's done.
- Who asked you
to do that, though?Copy !req
427. Who asked you to do that?
That's what I'm saying.Copy !req
428. It's Christmas.
I fuckin' put in a good word.Copy !req
429. Nobody asked you to do that.Copy !req
430. I told her about Napa,
about Copen...Copy !req
431. I feel like
you're breaking my balls.
That's what you're doing.Copy !req
432. I don't understand
why you always do that.Copy !req
433. Like, why are you like this?Copy !req
434. But she's hot now, Carm.
She's hot now.Copy !req
435. - I'm just like...
- Stevie was with us.Copy !req
436. Hey, Steven,
get the fuck in here, please.Copy !req
437. I don't need Steven
to come over here.Copy !req
438. Hey, Steven,
get the fuck in here.Copy !req
439. Would you please
tell him who we ran into?
He doesn't believe us.Copy !req
440. Oh, we saw Claire bear.Copy !req
441. Boom!
You see?Copy !req
442. On the weekends,
this woman teaches CPRCopy !req
443. to differently abled
college kids.Copy !req
444. Yeah, like, is that, like, Fak?Copy !req
445. Like Neil?
You see?Copy !req
446. She's a deeply good person.
Boom!Copy !req
447. I can see why
you're in love with her.Copy !req
448. I'm not in love
with her, though.Copy !req
449. That's what I'm saying.Copy !req
450. Where did you guys get this fromCopy !req
451. that I'm in love with her?Copy !req
452. You used to have
all those drawings.Copy !req
453. That's what I'm fuckin'
talking about, though.Copy !req
454. That's what
I'm fucking talking about.Copy !req
455. May I say...
- That's what I'm saying.Copy !req
456. That's why I think
you're fucking with me.Copy !req
457. You're
bringing up this thingCopy !req
458. you used to give me
a fucking hard time about it.Copy !req
459. You used to give me
a fucking hard time about it.Copy !req
460. - Relax.
- No one's giving you...Copy !req
461. Don't touch me.Copy !req
462. Your brother handled it.Copy !req
463. I want to touch you.Copy !req
464. Don't touch me.Copy !req
465. Mikey, don't fuckin' touch me.
I'm serious.Copy !req
466. I want to touch you.Copy !req
467. Don't fucking touch me.
Mikey. Stop.Copy !req
468. Hey!
Mikey!Copy !req
469. What the fuck?
Yo!Copy !req
470. Auntie D, did you just
throw a spoon at me?Copy !req
471. Yeah, I did.
You, Richard, bring her the pop.Copy !req
472. Deedee—
Carmen, I need you.Copy !req
473. - Can you just calm down?
- Ma, you gotta chill, Mom.Copy !req
474. Ma, you gotta chill.Copy !req
475. No, no, no.
You cannot say that.Copy !req
476. We're not done with
this Claire Bear thing.Copy !req
477. You're fuckin'
breaking my balls.Copy !req
478. No, I think, I think it's just
a big misunderstanding.Copy !req
479. Carm... this is a good thing.Copy !req
480. You, Carmen, come on.
I need help.Copy !req
481. Yo, Deedee, can you just
calm down a little...Copy !req
482. Hey, no, you do not tell me...Copy !req
483. Hi. Hi.Copy !req
484. Hi.Copy !req
485. How you doing?Copy !req
486. I'm okay.Copy !req
487. I'm good.Copy !req
488. This room is so insane.Copy !req
489. Yeah, it's a lot. Yeah.Copy !req
490. Um, we're out of Sprite, but...Copy !req
491. Carmy made this for you.Copy !req
492. What do you mean
he made it for me?Copy !req
493. He made it for you.Copy !req
494. He's like a goddamn
pop machine, this guy.Copy !req
495. He's a weird little dude.Copy !req
496. - Yo.
- Right?Copy !req
497. Right?Copy !req
498. What's up with him, though?Copy !req
499. He's so, like...Copy !req
500. I don't know.
He's a little... Yeah.Copy !req
501. He's... weird.Copy !req
502. We're, um...Copy !req
503. We're trying to hook him up
with Claire bear,Copy !req
504. you know,
loosen him up a little bit.Copy !req
505. With Claire?
Yeah.Copy !req
506. Why would you do that?
She's so nice.Copy !req
507. Are you still mad at me?Copy !req
508. No.Copy !req
509. I threw up so many times,Copy !req
510. I honestly forgot
what I was mad about.Copy !req
511. You just puked
all that anger up?Copy !req
512. Just got it all outta you?Copy !req
513. I'll take it.Copy !req
514. Hey, did you go
look at the place?Copy !req
515. Mm-hmm. Yeah.Copy !req
516. What'd you think?Copy !req
517. I think it's expensive.Copy !req
518. But it's nice.Copy !req
519. And schools are nice.Copy !req
520. It's public school.Copy !req
521. You can walk to school.Copy !req
522. - Hi.
- Hey.Copy !req
523. Hi.Copy !req
524. - I had a dream.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
525. That we only wore
green clothes.Copy !req
526. They were our clothes,
but they were all green.Copy !req
527. Mm-hmm.
- And then the babyCopy !req
528. only wore red clothes.Copy !req
529. Like I went to the store and I
bought all these other colorsCopy !req
530. and I brought 'em back home
and then they were all red.Copy !req
531. What do you think?Copy !req
532. I think that's
pretty fuckin' dope.Copy !req
533. That's what I thought.Copy !req
534. Do you think
that she'll like us?Copy !req
535. I don't know.Copy !req
536. I hope so.Copy !req
537. - Yeah, me, too.
- We just gotta...Copy !req
538. not be like our parents,
you know.Copy !req
539. Well, you're not like a...Copy !req
540. a psycho vampire...Copy !req
541. Alcoholic.Copy !req
542. - ... bitch, like...
No offense, but.
- Vindictive.Copy !req
543. No. It's-it's accurate.Copy !req
544. I'm actually here.Copy !req
545. That's a start.Copy !req
546. - Am I squishing you?
- No, no, it's good. It's good.Copy !req
547. I like it.Copy !req
548. You're so cute.Copy !req
549. You're gonna be
such a cute dad.Copy !req
550. I really don't wanna
throw up again.Copy !req
551. You don't smell like barf.Copy !req
552. That's good.Copy !req
553. I like chugged Listerine.Copy !req
554. The upside of barf is that
you get some peace and quiet.Copy !req
555. That is true.Copy !req
556. I get to be away from
all those psychos downstairs.Copy !req
557. Do you think
Donna's gonna kill meCopy !req
558. if I throw up on her robe?Copy !req
559. I don't think she'll notice.Copy !req
560. I love you so much.Copy !req
561. I love you so much.Copy !req
562. I have one quick question,
though, for you.Copy !req
563. Mm-hmm.
- Is that a leopardCopy !req
564. or is it a cheetah
or is it a panther?Copy !req
565. That's a leopard.Copy !req
566. We're in Donna's bedroom.Copy !req
567. There's not gonna
be a fuckin' cheetah.Copy !req
568. Alright, I gotta go back down.Copy !req
569. Okay.Copy !req
570. I'll come back and check on you
in a few minutes.Copy !req
571. - I love you so much.
- I love you.Copy !req
572. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
573. Merry fuckin' Christmas.Copy !req
574. Fuck! God— Fuck!Copy !req
575. - Hey, I got this. I got this.
- No, it's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
576. Yeah.
No, wait.Copy !req
577. Ugh, here. Let me help.
Fuck! Thanks.Copy !req
578. Hey, did you get
that thing I sent you?Copy !req
579. No. What'd you send me?Copy !req
580. It's a building in Wilmette.Copy !req
581. I'm gonna buy it,
I'm gonna lease it out.Copy !req
582. It's a piece of shit.Copy !req
583. It's got, like, seven cracksCopy !req
584. - in the foundation.
- Congratulations.Copy !req
585. Yeah, but the thing is,
the guy doesn't have a realtor.Copy !req
586. Hey, I thought if
you needed help again.
- Oh, no. No, no, no. No.Copy !req
587. Yeah, but this could be
a chance for us to—Copy !req
588. No, I don't need it.
I don't need it.Copy !req
589. Thank you, though.
I appreciate it.
I got it handled.Copy !req
590. Okay, but everybody
wins, you know.
Excuse me.Copy !req
591. Yeah. Nobody wins.
- You make a deal,
I'll make a deal...Copy !req
592. We get to, you know,
do it together.
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
593. - Yeah. Thanks, though.
- That's a good idea.Copy !req
594. Think about it, okay?
Okay.Copy !req
595. So, guys, are we
really doing this again?Copy !req
596. I'm just,
I'm cleaning up a mess here.Copy !req
597. Yeah, you are a mess, Lee.Copy !req
598. Oh, you know what, Michael?
- What?Copy !req
599. That's not very nice. Michael.
Is that not very nice?Copy !req
600. What happened to the
Christmas spirit in this house?Copy !req
601. I don't know.
- It's gone. I can't find it.Copy !req
602. Yo. Yo, yo, yo. Oh.Copy !req
603. Uncle J. Uncle J.Copy !req
604. Why are we whispering?Copy !req
605. Oh, I just wanted to talk to youCopy !req
606. about that thing from earlier.Copy !req
607. What thing from earlier?Copy !req
608. The... the job.
The job thing.Copy !req
609. Oh, the job from earlier!Copy !req
610. Come on, don't be an asshole.Copy !req
611. Come on.
I'm-I'm being real with you.Copy !req
612. Oh. Okay. In that case,
I gotta put on my real face.Copy !req
613. Jimmy.
What did I say earlier?Copy !req
614. You said we'd
talk about it later.Copy !req
615. And now it's later.Copy !req
616. Very good. So shoot.Copy !req
617. Alright.Copy !req
618. I'm about to have this kid.Copy !req
619. I don't wanna be
wrapping up sandwichesCopy !req
620. for the rest of my life.Copy !req
621. You know, I don't wanna
be going homeCopy !req
622. with my hands covered in grease,Copy !req
623. trying to change
diapers and stuff. I...Copy !req
624. You're, um, someone
with a lot going on.Copy !req
625. You could probably
use some help.Copy !req
626. I've been looking...Copy !req
627. there's not much
going on out there.Copy !req
628. You know?Copy !req
629. You're somebody...
that knows something.Copy !req
630. And...Copy !req
631. I don't wanna be
at The Beef every day.Copy !req
632. That makes sense, right?Copy !req
633. I feel like
I'm wasting potential.Copy !req
634. What kinda potential?Copy !req
635. I don't know. Uh...
I'm good with people.Copy !req
636. I'm... Uh, I don't really have
an outlet for that, though.Copy !req
637. And I've never had a mentor.
I never had an uncle—Copy !req
638. Oh, and I'm neither
of those things.Copy !req
639. Yeah, but you understand
what I'm saying, though, right?Copy !req
640. No, I do not.
I am not
asking you for money.Copy !req
641. I wanna learn.Copy !req
642. If you teach me, I will learn.Copy !req
643. And you can trust me.Copy !req
644. You want me to,
you want me to teach you things?Copy !req
645. Yeah.Copy !req
646. Yeah. You know, business stuff.Copy !req
647. Oh. Ohh.Copy !req
648. Oh, you want a job.Copy !req
649. I get it. I get it now.
I'm reading you.Copy !req
650. Will you think about it?Copy !req
651. Maybe.Copy !req
652. You're a good kid.Copy !req
653. Merry Christmas, Unc.Copy !req
654. You too, fuckface.Copy !req
655. - Yeah... I got—
- Spray the other way.Copy !req
656. Neil, I got allergies, man.Copy !req
657. Chanel.Copy !req
658. Did your daddy buy you
these matching outfits?Copy !req
659. Yeah.
- Yeah?Copy !req
660. Big Neil got 'em for us.Copy !req
661. Yeah. Kohl's Cash.Copy !req
662. Kohl's Cash.
You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
663. Yeah, I do know
what you're saying.Copy !req
664. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
665. Is your sister coming?
- No.Copy !req
666. Francie's not allowed.Copy !req
667. - No. Yeah.
- Why?Copy !req
668. 'Cause... 'Cause Nat.
- Oh.Copy !req
669. She's mad as hell.
- Oh.Copy !req
670. She's angry.
- 'Cause of the thing.Copy !req
671. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
672. - Yeah.
- Still, huh?Copy !req
673. Still.Copy !req
674. Like...Copy !req
675. Yeah.Copy !req
676. - Uh...
- Yeah.Copy !req
677. Yeah.Copy !req
678. I'm sorry. That's really hard.Copy !req
679. Yeah.
Yeah.Copy !req
680. Francie's a fuckface, though.Copy !req
681. - Totally.
- I mean, absolutely.Copy !req
682. Just like a total fuckface.Copy !req
683. - Oh, yeah. All the way.
- Totally.Copy !req
684. She's nice, though,
but, she's...Copy !req
685. - Not nice.
- No. No.Copy !req
686. The worst.Copy !req
687. Bad. Yeah.Copy !req
688. Is New York City the best?Copy !req
689. Ohh, it's the best.Copy !req
690. You know,
it's just like you're alive.Copy !req
691. And then you come here and
you're dead, you know, it's...Copy !req
692. Oh.Copy !req
693. Do you think Donna's
gonna do something crazy?Copy !req
694. Abs...Copy !req
695. Yeah.Copy !req
696. Yeah.
Yeah. Do you?Copy !req
697. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
698. Oh.Copy !req
699. Ma, can I help, please?
Hmm? Mm-mmm.Copy !req
700. Can I take—
- No, honey.Copy !req
701. I don't wanna have to
explain to everyoneCopy !req
702. why I call you Sugar again.Copy !req
703. Everybody knows why already.Copy !req
704. I-I actually don't know why.Copy !req
705. I've never heard that story.Copy !req
706. Do you know
what's really fucking crazy?Copy !req
707. Is when you're trying to cookCopy !req
708. and people just,
they pour into the kitchen.Copy !req
709. You know,
it's fuckin' boiling in here.Copy !req
710. Is this
a passive-aggressive way...Copy !req
711. Oh.
of you asking me to leave?Copy !req
712. No, no, no, no, no.
It is an aggressive...Copy !req
713. aggressive way of asking
you to go scratch.Copy !req
714. - Scratch.
- Do you know
how fuckin' hot you areCopy !req
715. when you're slurring your words?Copy !req
716. Oh, my God,
it's like fuckin' musk.Copy !req
717. I... By the way,
I do not know the story.Copy !req
718. Oh, because
she added a cup of sugar...
- I added a cup of sugarCopy !req
719. - instead of a cup of salt.
- ... instead of a cup of salt.Copy !req
720. And then the gravy tasted
like fucking Hawaiian Punch.Copy !req
721. I'm so glad
we had this time together.
Now I know.Copy !req
722. Oh, fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.Copy !req
723. What? What? What? What?
- It's okay.Copy !req
724. Um... Oh, did you
get Tiff those saltines?Copy !req
725. No. Okay. Alright.
Get them for her.Copy !req
726. I don't remember
what that was for.Copy !req
727. Oh, yes!Copy !req
728. Sugar, you have to
remember to remind me...Copy !req
729. - What do I have to remember?
- ... that the bread isn't...Copy !req
730. No, no, it wasn't the bread.Copy !req
731. It was the peppers.Copy !req
732. The peppers.
Right. The peppers.Copy !req
733. - Sugar?
- Yeah.Copy !req
734. You're gonna have to remind me
to put the bread in.Copy !req
735. Okay.
- Right before dinner.Copy !req
736. I will do that. Yeah.
Okay?Copy !req
737. - Okay.
- Don't worry.Copy !req
738. Because the peppers
are cooking.Copy !req
739. And shit.
The potatoes...Copy !req
740. The potatoes are gonna go in
just to warm up again.Copy !req
741. Okay, be careful.Copy !req
742. Okay?
- Don't burn yourself.Copy !req
743. Did I win?Copy !req
744. - No, no, explain it to him.
- Absolutely not.Copy !req
745. - Explain it to him.
- Let me just tell you
how it goes.Copy !req
746. You take... Okay, pick a number
one through six again.Copy !req
747. - Five.
- Five. Five. Take five.Copy !req
748. You got ten dice here, okay?Copy !req
749. You roll it 13 times
in hopes to get five 26 times.Copy !req
750. - See, that's where you're wrong.
- No, I'm not wrong.Copy !req
751. Yeah, you are.
You take the ten dice and
the first person to get 26 wins.Copy !req
752. No. I taught you
how to play the game.Copy !req
753. You didn't teach me how to—
Yes, I did.Copy !req
754. No, Cousin Gary did.
Yes, I did.Copy !req
755. - No, he didn't.
- He used to take me to the clubCopy !req
756. - with the hot girls and—
- Cousin Gary doesn't do shit.Copy !req
757. You've never seen a hot girl
in your life.Copy !req
758. Alright, listen, Steven.Copy !req
759. You got 500 bucks on you?Copy !req
760. Do you like baseball cards?Copy !req
761. May I take those one at a time?Copy !req
762. Go ahead.
- I...Copy !req
763. Do I have access to 500 bucks?
I-I absolutely do.Copy !req
764. - Great. That's perfect.
- I'm a 43-year-old man.Copy !req
765. - That's great.
- Good, good.Copy !req
766. I am indifferent
to baseball cards.Copy !req
767. - Well, listen,
baseball cards are back.
- That's okay. That's okay.Copy !req
768. - That's okay.
- Yeah, we're just,
we're just buying,Copy !req
769. we're buying boxes
of baseball cards.Copy !req
770. - A lot of boxes of cards.
- And-and we're flipping 'em.Copy !req
771. And there's
one box on eBay.
- Baseball cards are back?Copy !req
772. My alerts are going off...
Baseball cards are back.Copy !req
773. So they're valuable right now?
They're valuable
right now.Copy !req
774. Okay.
- $500...Copy !req
775. Yeah?
- ... can make you...Copy !req
776. - fifteen hundred dollars.
- Fifteen hundred bucks.Copy !req
777. Triple my money?
- Yeah.Copy !req
778. Within six...
A couple, a couple months.Copy !req
779. Cicero's already in.Copy !req
780. - He gave us his drink.
- In on what?Copy !req
781. ROI on RBIs.Copy !req
782. That's kind of our,
that's kind of our,
that's the business.Copy !req
783. Do you know what?
I'm going to give you the $500.Copy !req
784. Hold on. Hold on.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
785. Because whatever
you do with thatCopy !req
786. is going to be
very interesting to me.Copy !req
787. Yeah.
- And I, all I ask...Copy !req
788. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay?Copy !req
789. one of you has to get
in touch with me weekly.Copy !req
790. Okay.
We're making money.Copy !req
791. I wanna hear
when you open the boxesCopy !req
792. and when you go
through the cards,Copy !req
793. I wanna hear
what's-what's in it...
Inventory. Inventory.Copy !req
794. and more importantly,
what's maybe not in it.Copy !req
795. I actually... My dad
had a Roberto ClementeCopy !req
796. from... from
the Pittsburgh Pirates?Copy !req
797. Of course.
- A rookie card.Copy !req
798. But Michelle and I,
we tossed it when we moved.Copy !req
799. What are you, fuckin' stupid?
That's the stupidest thingCopy !req
800. you've ever done.
It was behind glass.Copy !req
801. Do you know what you could
get for that right now? $125.Copy !req
802. $125,000?Copy !req
803. $125.Copy !req
804. - You fuck...
- I'm really... I like
seeing you guys every year.Copy !req
805. You fuckin' deliver.Copy !req
806. What is that,
a bowling shirt?Copy !req
807. Carm,
where the fuck are my saltines?Copy !req
808. Yeah, I got it, Ma.
I got it. I got it.Copy !req
809. Yo.
Oh shit, sorry,
Carmy. I'm in your way.Copy !req
810. - Sorry.
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
811. Can I just...
I gotta get the saltines.Copy !req
812. Saltines?Copy !req
813. You're kinda acting like
a saltine, you know that?Copy !req
814. - Why?
- I'm not a saltine.Copy !req
815. Why? You're acting
like a saltine. Why?Copy !req
816. Why? Why?
What's going on with you?Copy !req
817. I know there's something.
Just tell me.Copy !req
818. Come on, Carm,
I'm right here.Copy !req
819. What's going on?
I gotta drag it outta you?Copy !req
820. - What is going on? What?
- I just... Yo.Copy !req
821. I just, I thought,
I thought when I was back,Copy !req
822. I could work with you, alright?
At the spot.Copy !req
823. We could talk about the shop,Copy !req
824. 'cause I've been
learning a lot of shit,Copy !req
825. and, I don't know,
I feel like I got some ideas.Copy !req
826. Yeah, but...Copy !req
827. The place is no good, Carmy.Copy !req
828. It's-it's a fucking nightmare.Copy !req
829. - Like, trust me,
I'm doing you a favor.
- Yo.Copy !req
830. And I'd love to hear your ideas.
I would.Copy !req
831. I-I-I wanna hear
about you, I do.Copy !req
832. Also I don't need
you fuckin'...Copy !req
833. I don't need you
talking to ClaireCopy !req
834. and acting all nice if you
don't actually give a fuck.Copy !req
835. You know?Copy !req
836. Wh-what?Copy !req
837. What are you talking about
I-I don't give a fuck?Copy !req
838. Why would you say that to me?Copy !req
839. Carmy, I give like a...Copy !req
840. I give like a huge fuck.Copy !req
841. - Yeah?
- Yeah. Fuck, yeah.Copy !req
842. God fucking dammit!Copy !req
843. I mean, I give... I-I...Copy !req
844. I give like the biggest fuck.Copy !req
845. - Alright.
- Alright?Copy !req
846. Okay.Copy !req
847. Yeah.Copy !req
848. Hey, don't...Copy !req
849. I um, I got you...Copy !req
850. I got, uh, it's stupid.
I got you...Copy !req
851. - What?
- Actually, I got you something.Copy !req
852. - Can I give it to you?
- What, you got me a present?Copy !req
853. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got you a present.
Just one second.Copy !req
854. Alright.Copy !req
855. Whoa.Copy !req
856. - Yo.
- What's this?Copy !req
857. Wait, before I, uh...Copy !req
858. why don't you give me, like,Copy !req
859. like, three things
about Copenhagen, man?Copy !req
860. Tell me.Copy !req
861. I don't know. Uh...Copy !req
862. Anything.Copy !req
863. It's the most beautiful place
I've ever seen.Copy !req
864. Yeah.Copy !req
865. Uh...Copy !req
866. I slept on a boat.Copy !req
867. And, uh...Copy !req
868. I fed an invisible cat.Copy !req
869. Hmm.Copy !req
870. Well, Carm...Copy !req
871. that's a home run.Copy !req
872. Yeah. Out of the park.Copy !req
873. Out of the park.Copy !req
874. Alright, go ahead.
Go ahead, go ahead.Copy !req
875. What is this?Copy !req
876. Oh, Carmy, that's a...Copy !req
877. It's like, it's like
a little bit rough,Copy !req
878. but I don't know,
it's something—Copy !req
879. No, man, that's...Copy !req
880. It's beautiful. That's...Copy !req
881. That's perfect.Copy !req
882. Yeah, Mike, we could, um...Copy !req
883. We could do this, you know.Copy !req
884. Yeah.Copy !req
885. Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
886. Yeah, let it rip.Copy !req
887. Yeah, let it rip.Copy !req
888. Yeah, Carm.Copy !req
889. Carm, where the fuck
are the saltines?Copy !req
890. I gotta get the thing. Okay.Copy !req
891. Alright.Copy !req
892. Alright.Copy !req
893. Alright. Neil, you go.Copy !req
894. Solo. Go.Copy !req
895. Oh, yeah. Yeah!Copy !req
896. Yeah!Copy !req
897. Alright, Ted, you go. Solo.Copy !req
898. Now together, yeah.Copy !req
899. You understand
what I'm telling you though?Copy !req
900. Yes. Okay.
The woman says what to you?
Okay?Copy !req
901. And then she said again.Copy !req
902. "What is your last name?"Copy !req
903. And I'm like,
"Fucking Berzatto."Copy !req
904. "Oh marone! Berzatto!"Copy !req
905. B-E-R-Z-A-T-T-O.Copy !req
906. "O."Copy !req
907. You're an asshole.Copy !req
908. And then she's,
and then she's like,Copy !req
909. "I bet you know
a lot about bears."Copy !req
910. God damn her for thinking
that you know about bears.Copy !req
911. Yeah. Damn her.Copy !req
912. And how did
that incredibly deep,Copy !req
913. incredibly penetrating insult
make you feel?Copy !req
914. - Like I was gonna
roll that bitch.
- Yeah, roll that bitch.Copy !req
915. Okay, now I feel like you're
missing some details here.Copy !req
916. You want... Okay.
You wanted to fight this woman?Copy !req
917. So were you being
an asshole maybe?Copy !req
918. What do you mean?Copy !req
919. Well, you just said
that you wanted to fight her,Copy !req
920. so I asked if perhaps
it was you that was the asshole.Copy !req
921. Um, are you listening?
Hello? I am not the asshole.Copy !req
922. - She's the asshole?
- That is a fact.Copy !req
923. And you go around
rolling assholes.Copy !req
924. That is also a fact.Copy !req
925. Okay, I'm caught up.Copy !req
926. Okay. Anyway,
so-so she says to me,Copy !req
927. She finally says to me,
"My friend who passed away—"Copy !req
928. Sorry for your loss.
- It's not her friend.Copy !req
929. You don't
have to apologize to me, dude.Copy !req
930. I don't know this fucking woman.Copy !req
931. This woman was, like, annoying.
Pay attention, Neil.
Pay attention.Copy !req
932. Why don't you listen
to my story?Copy !req
933. He's gotten to know her so well.
This story is taking so long.Copy !req
934. Yeah, but it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.Copy !req
935. The point is,
she finally says to me,Copy !req
936. "I have a friend
who passed away.Copy !req
937. "She was a biologist,
and she studied bears.Copy !req
938. "And did you know that bears
are kind and-and sensitiveCopy !req
939. "and devoted and also, um,
altruistic and empatheticCopy !req
940. "and-and very commonly known
to be adept at grieving?Copy !req
941. - Is this true?
- How the fuck
would I possibly know?Copy !req
942. I-I couldn't tell
if this bitch was trying
to fuck with me or not.Copy !req
943. Did you say to her, just be kind
and empathetic like a bear?Copy !req
944. Yes, I did.
That all
does check out.Copy !req
945. I share a lot
of those traits actually.Copy !req
946. Also, it is important to noteCopy !req
947. that bears are incredibly,
incredibly aggressive.Copy !req
948. And how were you
related to them again?Copy !req
949. Through friendship. Yeah.Copy !req
950. - Like us.
- Not like you.Copy !req
951. Yeah. We're related
through friendship.Copy !req
952. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
953. I was hiking once
in Northern California,Copy !req
954. and I saw a bear run up
a tree so goddamn fast,Copy !req
955. and I did not like it at all.Copy !req
956. When were you in
Northern California?Copy !req
957. Um, most of my life
before we met?Copy !req
958. And very weird that you are nowCopy !req
959. acting like I never told you
I'm from California.Copy !req
960. What's super weird is thatCopy !req
961. you just said
Northern California.Copy !req
962. That was weird how I said it.Copy !req
963. I thought it sounded elegant.Copy !req
964. Super elegant. Yeah.Copy !req
965. Carmel-by-the-Sea,
looking at—Copy !req
966. Bing-bong.
What you guys talking about?Copy !req
967. Bears.Copy !req
968. Oh! 85? 41? 63?Copy !req
969. - Where are we at?
- No, the animal.Copy !req
970. Oh, Mongo. Hey.Copy !req
971. - What up, pimp?
- 838 career tackles.Copy !req
972. Get some.
Get some. Take us there.Copy !req
973. A... a real bear.Copy !req
974. - Take us there.
- Thank you, sir.Copy !req
975. Yeah. Steve McMichael.Copy !req
976. Yeah. The man.Copy !req
977. We are talking
about an actual animal,Copy !req
978. not a baseball player.Copy !req
979. Oh, God.Copy !req
980. These holidays are exhausting.Copy !req
981. Okay. Oh, fuck!
- What the hell was that?Copy !req
982. Yeah, it's just some
crazy person yelling "fuck."Copy !req
983. I'm gonna go
lend Auntie D a hand.
No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
984. Let him, let him.
Do not do that.Copy !req
985. Go ahead, there's a garlic bulb
and a cross by the door.Copy !req
986. Just don't make eye contact.Copy !req
987. - Be careful.
- I'm sure she could useCopy !req
988. an extra pair of hands
in there. Excuse me.Copy !req
989. Steven. Steven.Copy !req
990. There he goes. Don't get
your hand near her mouth.Copy !req
991. This is a bad idea.Copy !req
992. It's gonna go well.
I don't think so.Copy !req
993. That looks good.Copy !req
994. Oh, fucking shit!
- Okay, okay, okay.Copy !req
995. Fuck!
- It's okay, Ma. I got it.
I got it. I got it.Copy !req
996. It's like I fuckin' have to do
everything for everyone.
No, no, no.Copy !req
997. No one fucking
lifts a finger to help me.Copy !req
998. Look, I'm getting it right now.Copy !req
999. Can you just go upstairs
and get Dad's gun
out of my drawer,Copy !req
1000. and I think I'm just gonna
blow my fuckin' brains out,Copy !req
1001. and then you guys
can make dinner,Copy !req
1002. because I don't think
anyone would fuckin' miss me.Copy !req
1003. - No, no, Ma, Ma, you're good.
- Yes, you can finish dinner.Copy !req
1004. You're good. You're okay!
You won't even miss me.Copy !req
1005. You're okay! You're okay!
You won't even—Copy !req
1006. - Hey, Donna, Aunt D do you—
- Oh, motherfucking asshole!Copy !req
1007. - Fuck! Fuck!
- Out, out.Copy !req
1008. Fuck! Come on!
Okay.Copy !req
1009. Get the fuck out!
- Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
1010. Okay, I'm gonna,
I'm gonna take this out.Copy !req
1011. I'm gonna take this out.Copy !req
1012. - Natalie?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1013. You okay?Copy !req
1014. Will... Will you hug me?Copy !req
1015. Yeah, of course.Copy !req
1016. They won't fuckin miss me.Copy !req
1017. Things are like, you know,Copy !req
1018. really starting to
spiral out of fucking control.Copy !req
1019. Oh, we are past
the point of no return.Copy !req
1020. It's not good, you know.Copy !req
1021. And now it's like
the next morning, right?Copy !req
1022. And we're like,
fucking rocked. Rocked!Copy !req
1023. Like, I look over at him
and I'm like...Copy !req
1024. Well, Jesus fucking Christ, man.
I'm like...Copy !req
1025. Because I'm looking at you
and I don't even recognize you.Copy !req
1026. It's like a monster.Copy !req
1027. I'm like, Michael?Copy !req
1028. Yeah, because you look
like a fucking monster, bro.Copy !req
1029. I was like, "Mikey?"
I couldn't even tell if it was—Copy !req
1030. "Mikey, where are we?"Copy !req
1031. That's... That's not...
That's not exactly...Copy !req
1032. - That's not exactly right.
- Scared as shit. He was!Copy !req
1033. That's exactly right.
That's not exactly true.Copy !req
1034. We didn't know
where the fuck we were.
Well, you were rocked.Copy !req
1035. We're in a foreign land.
You know what I mean?Copy !req
1036. And it's like, you know,
you can't read shitCopy !req
1037. because it's all, like,
a different fucking alphabet.Copy !req
1038. You can't fucking,
like, understand shit.Copy !req
1039. We just know we gotta get
to a fucking ATM, you know.Copy !req
1040. We've heard this story
a million times.Copy !req
1041. - I'm sorry?
- The story.Copy !req
1042. - Yeah, what?
- We've heard it a million times.Copy !req
1043. No, Lee, like, you have.Copy !req
1044. - And cousin has.
- I haven't.Copy !req
1045. - I have, but I like it.
- It's a good story.Copy !req
1046. Yeah, Lee,
chill out or fuck off.Copy !req
1047. - Keep going.
- Let us tell the fucking story.Copy !req
1048. Anyways, we have to find an ATM.Copy !req
1049. No no no,
I'll finish it. I'll finish it.Copy !req
1050. You sold the car,
and then at the end,Copy !req
1051. you find the horse.Copy !req
1052. Good for you, Lee,
that's... that's great.Copy !req
1053. You're like a real,
genuine fucking asshole.Copy !req
1054. Because-because
I cut off the story thatCopy !req
1055. you've told a million times?Copy !req
1056. Why don't you finish
a business plan?Copy !req
1057. Alright, that's enough.Copy !req
1058. Where's the tomato sauce
prospectus, Michael?Copy !req
1059. Where's the frozen pizza plan?
Come on, you're veering.Copy !req
1060. That's, uh, that's enough.Copy !req
1061. It's okay.Copy !req
1062. Hi, Unc.
Hey, honey.Copy !req
1063. Fuck's going on in here?Copy !req
1064. This jagoff's talkin' shit.Copy !req
1065. - Yeah? Which jagoff?
- This jagoff.Copy !req
1066. What about, jagoff?Copy !req
1067. That is, I guess about
how I, like, don't finish shit.Copy !req
1068. Not stories. He finishes
those over and over.Copy !req
1069. Mikey, I mean, come on.Copy !req
1070. Perfect.
Ho, ho, ho!Copy !req
1071. We got a tuna casserole deliveryCopy !req
1072. from the North Pole here.Copy !req
1073. Speaking of jagoffs. Hey.Copy !req
1074. Mikey, what is up, bro?Copy !req
1075. You know
it's seven fishes, right, Pete?Copy !req
1076. Yeah, I know.
That's why I brought this.Copy !req
1077. That's the eighth fish, bro.Copy !req
1078. Oh, what,
we can't have one more?Copy !req
1079. That makes
absolutely no sense.Copy !req
1080. I mean, I can't even
figure the logic of that.Copy !req
1081. What?Copy !req
1082. You're so fucked.Copy !req
1083. Uh... 'Sup, Steve?Copy !req
1084. Hey, Pete,
thanks for bringing fish.Copy !req
1085. Yeah, thanks.
Hey, family.Copy !req
1086. Come on, let's sit.
Okay, dinner's ready, alright.Copy !req
1087. - Hey, no way, Carmy!
- Hey.Copy !req
1088. - What's up, brother?
- Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
1089. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What is that? What is that?Copy !req
1090. Don't tell him.
What do you mean
don't tell him?Copy !req
1091. It's nothing. It's nothing.Copy !req
1092. Steve? Steve? Stevie?
What is that? What is it?Copy !req
1093. You're gonna be upset,
but his heart was
in the right place, Carm.Copy !req
1094. - It's a tuna casserole.
- What—Copy !req
1095. It's seven fishes. Pete.
I know.Copy !req
1096. They didn't communicate—
This would
make eight fishes.Copy !req
1097. That-that would
make us assholes, right?Copy !req
1098. I already told him that.Copy !req
1099. Swing and a miss.
- Why are you doing this to me?Copy !req
1100. Okay. I—
- Just don't let her
fuckin' see it.Copy !req
1101. - I—
- Don't let her fucking see it.Copy !req
1102. I didn't know because...Copy !req
1103. What's up, bro?Copy !req
1104. - Hey, Rich.
- Hey.Copy !req
1105. - I'm so happy to see you.
- Hey, there's my girl.Copy !req
1106. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1107. - Merry Christmas.
- What the fuck is that?Copy !req
1108. - Um...
- No. Pete.Copy !req
1109. Pete, I told you
not to fucking do this.Copy !req
1110. I know, but... Well, I can't
show up empty-handed.Copy !req
1111. Ugh, it stinks.Copy !req
1112. Fuck!Copy !req
1113. Well, merry Christmas, guys.Copy !req
1114. Maybe somewhere.Copy !req
1115. I understand you were
just trying to be nice.Copy !req
1116. Thanks, Steve.Copy !req
1117. Good lights in
the neighborhood this year.Copy !req
1118. Same as last year.Copy !req
1119. No, there's more
this year. I noticed—Copy !req
1120. Really, you counted 'em?Copy !req
1121. Do the Andersons still live
on the corner there?Copy !req
1122. - They're doing it up.
- They died.Copy !req
1123. You knock on every door?Copy !req
1124. Okay.Copy !req
1125. Is the bathroom
still right here?Copy !req
1126. Yep. It's over there.Copy !req
1127. Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
1128. How you doing?Copy !req
1129. - Yeah, you know...
- You okay?Copy !req
1130. I've been wanting
to talk to you.Copy !req
1131. You've been
running around like crazy.Copy !req
1132. Yeah, it's a lot, so...Copy !req
1133. Yeah, it's a lot.Copy !req
1134. Yeah.Copy !req
1135. I have this ideaCopy !req
1136. and I just wonder
if maybe you'd be open to it.Copy !req
1137. What's up?
Like for your own good.Copy !req
1138. What is it? What is it?Copy !req
1139. You wanna come stay with meCopy !req
1140. for, like, a couple of days
in New York?Copy !req
1141. Just like...Copy !req
1142. get the fuck outta here?Copy !req
1143. Yeah.
You know.Copy !req
1144. I think it's really
important for you toCopy !req
1145. keep your head in the game,
you know.Copy !req
1146. Stay focused. Keep your eye
on the motherfuckin' prize.Copy !req
1147. Yeah. No, I hear you. Um...Copy !req
1148. Yeah, no, I'd like that.Copy !req
1149. I'm gonna kinda
hold you to it, Carm.Copy !req
1150. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1151. This is, um, this isn't
good for your head.Copy !req
1152. It's not good
for anyone's head,Copy !req
1153. but it's really
not good for yours.Copy !req
1154. - Yeah, I know, I know.
- Yeah, so...Copy !req
1155. But you know, what are you
supposed to do? You know?Copy !req
1156. You gotta get outta here.Copy !req
1157. That's what you gotta do.Copy !req
1158. You just come stay with me
any time you want.Copy !req
1159. I got a couple of restaurants.Copy !req
1160. I mean, I'm an idiot
about this shit,Copy !req
1161. but I think they're very good.Copy !req
1162. - You like 'em? Yeah.
- I do.Copy !req
1163. And then that way
you can just, like, decompress.Copy !req
1164. - Okay?
- Okay.Copy !req
1165. I see what happens here,
you know,Copy !req
1166. and I can see
how it gets in your head.Copy !req
1167. - Yeah.
- And I don't want that for you.Copy !req
1168. Okay. Thank you.
Okay?Copy !req
1169. - Yeah.
- So you're gonna come?
Stay with me?Copy !req
1170. I'll try.Copy !req
1171. Thank you.Copy !req
1172. Keep going.Copy !req
1173. I hear you.Copy !req
1174. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
1175. Love you.
- Alright, you too.Copy !req
1176. Oh wow. Nice.Copy !req
1177. Just keeps goin'.Copy !req
1178. Table looks great, D.Copy !req
1179. What do you want?
Where should we?Copy !req
1180. Hey, we're over there.
Okay, cool.Copy !req
1181. Fuck me with a stick.Copy !req
1182. Scooch forward.
- Okay.Copy !req
1183. Oh. You're sweet.Copy !req
1184. Thank you for that.Copy !req
1185. Okay.Copy !req
1186. You feeling better, hon?Copy !req
1187. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Unc.Copy !req
1188. I think a banana is aboutCopy !req
1189. all I can handle right now.Copy !req
1190. Maybe about
all I can handle, too.Copy !req
1191. I sense this getting dark.Copy !req
1192. God, you got that feeling?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1193. Oh, yeah, I got that feeling.Copy !req
1194. I'm right there with you, Unc.Copy !req
1195. We lit.
This Christmas is lit.Copy !req
1196. You ever have
a chocolate-covered
banana, Tiff?Copy !req
1197. Yeah, of course I have.Copy !req
1198. You know, the drive
out here we actually, uh,Copy !req
1199. we passed the standCopy !req
1200. my dad used to
take me to get 'em.Copy !req
1201. I swear to God, I can
smell 'em, you know, and him.Copy !req
1202. Hmm.
- It's weird, right?Copy !req
1203. We remember smells.
Cologne, you know.Copy !req
1204. Anyway, it's kinda been,
uh, sitting with me, you know,Copy !req
1205. sitting on my chest.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.Copy !req
1206. And all of a sudden,
after all these years,Copy !req
1207. I'm missing that fat fuck.Copy !req
1208. Anyway, and here you are,
you're eating a banana.Copy !req
1209. - Anyways, kinda funny.
- Well...Copy !req
1210. Funny that
it's the holidays, too.Copy !req
1211. You know. Hmm.Copy !req
1212. All comes back up,
doesn't it?Copy !req
1213. It sure does come back up.Copy !req
1214. Oh, boy.
- Oh.Copy !req
1215. Oh, I get it.Copy !req
1216. - That's clever.
- Is it clever or gross?Copy !req
1217. - Do you mind sitting
at the kiddie table?
- I don't mind at all.Copy !req
1218. You can sit at the kiddie table.Copy !req
1219. I would prefer to sit
at the kiddie table.Copy !req
1220. Who wants wine?
Want some wine?Copy !req
1221. understand the market.Copy !req
1222. It has a lovely bouquet.Copy !req
1223. I like your shirt,
it looks good.Copy !req
1224. He looks like Clark Kent
in his glasses.Copy !req
1225. Oh. Oh, I'm such an asshole.
I wanted to say thank you.Copy !req
1226. - What for, darling?
- Oh, for giving Richie a chance.Copy !req
1227. Oh, what? No, no, no. Wh...Copy !req
1228. Uh, babe. Um...
What? Wh...Copy !req
1229. You're embarrassed to say it?
No, no, no, no.Copy !req
1230. - I can't talk about it?
- It's just not
public information yet.Copy !req
1231. - Just wanted to say thank you.
- We're just...Copy !req
1232. What's not public information?
Uh...Copy !req
1233. You know, Tiff and I
were talking earlier,Copy !req
1234. and I was just letting her know
a little bit about how—Copy !req
1235. What's not public information?Copy !req
1236. Just how like when we... Richard.Copy !req
1237. Richard, shut the fuck up.Copy !req
1238. Richard,
I'm talking to Tiffany.Copy !req
1239. I know, but we were
just saying, like, um...Copy !req
1240. Richard... shut up.Copy !req
1241. I'm having a conversation
with your wife.Copy !req
1242. - Tiffany, what were
you saying, my dear?
- Wh... Yeah.Copy !req
1243. I don't know what the fuck
is going on here,Copy !req
1244. 'cause I was just
gonna thank youCopy !req
1245. for giving Richie a job.Copy !req
1246. See, that's not entirely...Copy !req
1247. It's not true?
No.Copy !req
1248. Is that not
what's happening here?Copy !req
1249. It's not not true.
He told me that...Copy !req
1250. Un-fucking-believable.Copy !req
1251. - He told you I gave him a job?
- Yeah, he told me he...Copy !req
1252. Yeah, he told me
that you gave him a job.Copy !req
1253. Okay, look.Copy !req
1254. Here's the truth, alright?Copy !req
1255. I mean, you know,
I'm a big fan of this guy.Copy !req
1256. I believe in him. I do.Copy !req
1257. Which is precisely why
I gave him a fucking job.Copy !req
1258. Right?Copy !req
1259. Thing is, I just wanna
keep a lid on it for nowCopy !req
1260. because I don't want
every jagoff in all of the landCopy !req
1261. to know that I have
all these jobs to give out,Copy !req
1262. which I don't.Copy !req
1263. Alright?Copy !req
1264. Right, Richard?Copy !req
1265. - Yeah.
- I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
1266. - I didn't know I wasn't
supposed to say anything.
- No, no.Copy !req
1267. My darling, how could you know?Copy !req
1268. And I promise you,
I will not say,Copy !req
1269. I will not say a word
until you say that it's okay.Copy !req
1270. But I just wanna say
thank you so muchCopy !req
1271. 'cause we really
appreciate you.Copy !req
1272. And I appreciate you, too.Copy !req
1273. The both of you.Copy !req
1274. Thank you.Copy !req
1275. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
1276. Like, do I have to wait?
Can I pick?Copy !req
1277. She'll be out in a minute.Copy !req
1278. She'll be out in a minute,
I think.Copy !req
1279. Can I pick?
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1280. Do you care?Copy !req
1281. Go for it.Copy !req
1282. Don't we have
to say grace?Copy !req
1283. Yeah, she'll, she'll be,
she'll just be a minute.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1284. What's up, Ma?Copy !req
1285. I'm fine.Copy !req
1286. I'm good.Copy !req
1287. Hey.Copy !req
1288. Everybody's sitting down now.Copy !req
1289. You know,
everything looks so beautiful.Copy !req
1290. I don't think I can
do this by myself anymore.Copy !req
1291. You're not
by yourself, alright?Copy !req
1292. I'm right here with you.Copy !req
1293. Well, yeah, now, but...Copy !req
1294. Nobody out there
gives a shit about me.Copy !req
1295. That's not true.Copy !req
1296. That's not true.
We all love you so much.Copy !req
1297. I had to beg you to come home.Copy !req
1298. I'm happy to be here.Copy !req
1299. Okay?Copy !req
1300. I am. Mom, I'm really
happy to see you.Copy !req
1301. Hey. Really.Copy !req
1302. Okay?Copy !req
1303. Okay.
Okay.Copy !req
1304. Okay. It's okay.Copy !req
1305. I just, I worked
all day for them.Copy !req
1306. - I worked all day.
- I know. I know.Copy !req
1307. Everybody-everybody
really appreciates it, too.Copy !req
1308. It's just fucking hard.Copy !req
1309. Why, um...Copy !req
1310. What's hard? What's hard, Mom?
What is it?Copy !req
1311. I make things
beautiful for them...Copy !req
1312. and...Copy !req
1313. no one makes things
beautiful for me.Copy !req
1314. Okay. Um...Copy !req
1315. Look, I'm gonna go, uh,Copy !req
1316. I'm gonna go...
I'm gonna sit down now.Copy !req
1317. Why don't you give me
your hand and we'll go sit?Copy !req
1318. - We'll go sit.
- No. Okay.Copy !req
1319. Come on, Mom. Come on.Copy !req
1320. I'll go in a minute.Copy !req
1321. Alright.
Well, I'll just wait.Copy !req
1322. - I'll wait for you.
- Okay, Michael.Copy !req
1323. I'll be there in a minute.Copy !req
1324. I said go.Copy !req
1325. Okay. Um...Copy !req
1326. I said go.
Are you good?Copy !req
1327. I'm good. Go. Go sit.Copy !req
1328. How about I just wait with you?
I'll wait.Copy !req
1329. Why are you treating me
like a child?Copy !req
1330. I'm not, I'm not
treating you like a child, Mom.Copy !req
1331. I'm not.Copy !req
1332. Do we have a problem?Copy !req
1333. Do we, do we have a problem?Copy !req
1334. Do we have a problem...Copy !req
1335. Carmen Anthony Berzatto?Copy !req
1336. Do we have a problem?Copy !req
1337. No.Copy !req
1338. Good.Copy !req
1339. Oh. Mom.Copy !req
1340. It's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
1341. It's okay. It's okay.Copy !req
1342. It's okay, okay?Copy !req
1343. It's okay.Copy !req
1344. Go sit down.Copy !req
1345. - Go sit down.
- Alright.Copy !req
1346. Hey, uh, Tiff.Copy !req
1347. A little, um a little
something came up, huh?Copy !req
1348. A little bit
more than something.Copy !req
1349. Oh, boy. Yeah.Copy !req
1350. - You feeling okay?
- I'm good.Copy !req
1351. Yeah? Good.
- How are you?Copy !req
1352. Good.
Hey, Mikey.Copy !req
1353. - Yeah?
- You wanna say grace?Copy !req
1354. I don't know, cousin.Copy !req
1355. Is this motherfucker
gonna cut me off?Copy !req
1356. It depends.Copy !req
1357. Uh, is it a grace we've
heard a million times before?Copy !req
1358. Okay. Okay.
- Oh, wow.Copy !req
1359. Uh, Steven, would you like
to say grace, my friend?Copy !req
1360. Oh.
- Can I please not?Copy !req
1361. You don't want to?
- I don't.Copy !req
1362. - Okay.
- I mean...Copy !req
1363. Okay, so then I'm going to askCopy !req
1364. the same question
I ask every year,Copy !req
1365. which is, what the hell is
the point of the seven fishes?Copy !req
1366. - I don't get it.
- Oh, I know the answer.Copy !req
1367. Well, it's biblical, okay?
There's seven fishes.Copy !req
1368. And uh,
also by the manger, right,Copy !req
1369. there's a Dutch oven of potatoesCopy !req
1370. that burned the living shit
out of me earlier.Copy !req
1371. Oh.Copy !req
1372. Did you just throw a fork at me?Copy !req
1373. I did.Copy !req
1374. See that's the thing,
Lee, see, 'cause...Copy !req
1375. you see what you did, right?Copy !req
1376. You, you already did that.Copy !req
1377. You remember you already
bitched about the Dutch oven?Copy !req
1378. - You see, you did that before.
- Michael.Copy !req
1379. What are you doing, Michael?
He started it. Uncle J.Copy !req
1380. - Mike, just—
- Don't throw fuckin' forks
at people.Copy !req
1381. Don't throw forks...
Don't-don't-don't...Copy !req
1382. Yeah, don't throw
forks at people.Copy !req
1383. Don't-don't-don't.Copy !req
1384. - Don't-don't-don't...
- It's a rule.Copy !req
1385. It's a rule? It's a rule?Copy !req
1386. Hey, Fak. You using your fork?Copy !req
1387. Yeah, I-I-I need it, Mike.Copy !req
1388. I need it.Copy !req
1389. Ple... Mikey.Copy !req
1390. Yeah?
Yeah.Copy !req
1391. I just,
I need to borrow it.
- Please. Please.Copy !req
1392. I just need
to borrow it for one second.Copy !req
1393. Please.
Michael.Copy !req
1394. I'm just gonna borrow it
for a second.Copy !req
1395. I just need it for one second.
Mikey. Come on, dude.Copy !req
1396. Yo.
Michael.Copy !req
1397. I threw the fork, Lee.Copy !req
1398. Michael.
See what I did?Copy !req
1399. I threw the fork. Michael.Copy !req
1400. Tiff. Tiff. Shh.
- Please.Copy !req
1401. Cousin, you're
scaring the normals.Copy !req
1402. This is fine. This is nothing.Copy !req
1403. This is... It's nothing.Copy !req
1404. Hey, Mikey,
can you hear me, buddy?Copy !req
1405. Not right now, Stevie.Copy !req
1406. Cut it out. Rich.Copy !req
1407. Hey, look,
here's the thing.Copy !req
1408. You see, I can throw forksCopy !req
1409. 'cause this is
our father's house.Copy !req
1410. - Mike.
- Rich.Copy !req
1411. - Lee?
- My father's house.Copy !req
1412. We have lift-off.Copy !req
1413. Okay, you got
everyone's attention,Copy !req
1414. so go ahead, tell us a storyCopy !req
1415. we've all heard
a million times already.Copy !req
1416. That's good, Lee. Yeah.Copy !req
1417. Tell a story about how
you're living with your momCopy !req
1418. and you're borrowing money
off of her and any other suckerCopy !req
1419. who'll listen to your bullshit.Copy !req
1420. Lee, shut the fuck up.Copy !req
1421. You're one of
the suckers, Jimmy.Copy !req
1422. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I've told him.Copy !req
1423. I told him not to listen to you.
I told him not to help.Copy !req
1424. I told him to tell you
to go scratch.Copy !req
1425. Thanks a whole
fucking lot, buddy.Copy !req
1426. You come back next year, okay?Copy !req
1427. - Motherfuck.
- Ssh, ssh, ssh. Unc, it's fine.Copy !req
1428. Yeah, it's fine.
- It's just totally fine.Copy !req
1429. It's fine. It's fine.Copy !req
1430. Because this guy's nothing
and he's nobody.Copy !req
1431. And I know you're-you're
scared and you're afraid,
aren't you, Michael?Copy !req
1432. And, Michael,
I don't know what,
what the fuck you're on,Copy !req
1433. but whatever it is, if you
can hear me through the fog,Copy !req
1434. throw another fork at me,Copy !req
1435. you're gonna get
fuckin' rocked.Copy !req
1436. Hey, Petey.Copy !req
1437. I just, I...Copy !req
1438. You think I could
just, like, borrow that
for one second? I just...Copy !req
1439. Michael! Hey!
Come on. Mike, come on. Please.Copy !req
1440. Michael!
Mike.Copy !req
1441. Michael.
Put the fucking fork down.Copy !req
1442. Michael. Michael. Michael.
Put it down.Copy !req
1443. Please don't do this.Copy !req
1444. Michael! Hey.Copy !req
1445. Hey.Copy !req
1446. Hey.Copy !req
1447. Hey.Copy !req
1448. I love you.Copy !req
1449. Okay?Copy !req
1450. I love you, too, Sug.Copy !req
1451. I'm begging you.Copy !req
1452. Don't do it.Copy !req
1453. I'm sorry.
I giggle when I get nervous.Copy !req
1454. No, no, no. Steve,
do not apologize for that.Copy !req
1455. You fucking giggle.
Fucking giggle.Copy !req
1456. Fucking enjoy this.
This is fun!Copy !req
1457. Michael, I need you
to calm down, buddy, alright?
Mike!Copy !req
1458. There's
other people at the table.Copy !req
1459. I need you to calm down.Copy !req
1460. You're being
a bit of an asshole.Copy !req
1461. Thank you, Uncle J.
I'm fine.Copy !req
1462. That is the familial support
I was looking for.Copy !req
1463. Yeah, well, you're being
a fuckin' asshole, too.Copy !req
1464. Thank you for that too, Uncle J.Copy !req
1465. Go ahead.Copy !req
1466. - Let's go.
- Where do you wanna go, Lee?Copy !req
1467. Fuckin' throw it.
- Yeah?Copy !req
1468. Yeah, throw it or put it down.Copy !req
1469. Yeah, come on.Copy !req
1470. Well, Lee,
you look like you bite.Copy !req
1471. You bite, Lee,
is that what you do?Copy !req
1472. Oh, my God.
For fuck's sake.Copy !req
1473. Your mother's been
working for fucking daysCopy !req
1474. making this meal.Copy !req
1475. Have some respect.Copy !req
1476. There's other people
on this fucking table.Copy !req
1477. - Mike, stop!
- Shut the fuck up!Copy !req
1478. Throw the fuckin' fork!Copy !req
1479. Here you go.
Sit down. Sit down!Copy !req
1480. Oh, would you look at that?Copy !req
1481. I didn't throw it.
I didn't throw it,
you fuckin' pussy!Copy !req
1482. You fuckin' flinched! Look!Copy !req
1483. You did it again,
you fuckin' pussy!Copy !req
1484. Throw it.Copy !req
1485. I'm not on anything.
I flinch.Copy !req
1486. I still— my brain's
connected to my nerves.Copy !req
1487. You monster.Copy !req
1488. Yeah, I'm a monster, Lee.Copy !req
1489. You're a fuckin' monster.Copy !req
1490. Nobody wants you here.
You loser.Copy !req
1491. Nobody
fucking wants you here.Copy !req
1492. You loser fuckin' monster.Copy !req
1493. Nobody fuckin' wants you hereCopy !req
1494. with your big fuckin' mouth.Copy !req
1495. With your big fuckin' mouth!Copy !req
1496. Fuckin' throw it.
Yeah?Copy !req
1497. Go ahead, fuckin' throw it,
you fucking animal.Copy !req
1498. Yeah?Copy !req
1499. Yeah. Make it about you.
Make Christmas about you.Copy !req
1500. If you're such a tough guy,Copy !req
1501. throw the fucking fork.Copy !req
1502. You're nothing.Copy !req
1503. You're nothing.Copy !req
1504. You are nothing.Copy !req
1505. You're nothing.Copy !req
1506. You are nothing.Copy !req
1507. You're nothing.Copy !req
1508. Oh, there she is.Copy !req
1509. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas,
Auntie Dee.Copy !req
1510. What did I miss?Copy !req
1511. What'd I miss?
Nothing.Copy !req
1512. I missed something.
No, no, no.Copy !req
1513. Come on.
Oh, thank you.Copy !req
1514. Uh, Stevie, Stevie's
about to say grace, Ma.Copy !req
1515. Ooh, good, yes.
- No.Copy !req
1516. Go ahead
and take it away there, Stevie.
- No.Copy !req
1517. Yes, yes, yes.
Uh, I don't...Copy !req
1518. Just fuckin'
say the thing, okay?Copy !req
1519. Come on. You can do it.Copy !req
1520. Um...
Grace.Copy !req
1521. Um...Copy !req
1522. Hey. Uh...Copy !req
1523. - It's great that we're all...
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
1524. that we're all together,
um, and healthy, I think.Copy !req
1525. Uh, no one's si...
physically very sick.Copy !req
1526. Uh...Copy !req
1527. I'm so grateful, um,
for this beautiful meal.Copy !req
1528. And, Donna, um...Copy !req
1529. What an incredible job
Donna did.Copy !req
1530. And I-I could,
I could hear in there.Copy !req
1531. It sounded very hard
and it's just gorgeous.Copy !req
1532. And is he still
holding the fork?Copy !req
1533. Sure is. Yeah.Copy !req
1534. Okay. Um...Copy !req
1535. Listen.Copy !req
1536. Everyone's asking what this...Copy !req
1537. What is the seven fishes
or why do we do it?Copy !req
1538. Mm-hmm.
- And I think I know
what my definition is.Copy !req
1539. Uh, as soon as I think of it.Copy !req
1540. It's a chance to...Copy !req
1541. be together and to
take care of each other.Copy !req
1542. And to eat together.Copy !req
1543. And there's seven fishes,Copy !req
1544. which means you have to make
seven entirely different dishes.Copy !req
1545. Seven entirely different ways.Copy !req
1546. And that takes a lot of time.Copy !req
1547. And...Copy !req
1548. I think spending that time
and using that timeCopy !req
1549. on the people that we love
is how we show themCopy !req
1550. that we love them.Copy !req
1551. And maybe we eat too much...Copy !req
1552. and we definitely drink too muchCopy !req
1553. and we say too much
without listening.Copy !req
1554. But... tonight we...
we're gonna eat
seven fishes...Copy !req
1555. which is absurd.Copy !req
1556. Uh...Copy !req
1557. But we have to take
extra time to do itCopy !req
1558. and we have to chew more
and we have to listen more.Copy !req
1559. And, uh, we only get to do
this tonight one time.Copy !req
1560. So...Copy !req
1561. I, by the way, love it.Copy !req
1562. I love being here.Copy !req
1563. Thank you for having me
every year at this.Copy !req
1564. I look... I very much
look forward to this.Copy !req
1565. And I love you.Copy !req
1566. I-I-I'm very in love
with Michelle.Copy !req
1567. And I'm not gay
like you guys asked a lot.Copy !req
1568. But I was
thinking about what...Copy !req
1569. what you said about bears
and how they're aggressive.Copy !req
1570. They're aggressive,
but they're kind.Copy !req
1571. They're sensitive.Copy !req
1572. You guys
have been so kind to me.Copy !req
1573. You let me hang out
with you every holiday.Copy !req
1574. I don't have a family
like this and...Copy !req
1575. I'm really grateful that, um,Copy !req
1576. you make space for me
at this tableCopy !req
1577. and you make time for me
on the holidays.Copy !req
1578. May God bless us
and keep us safe
in the New Year.Copy !req
1579. And please give
Michael the strengthCopy !req
1580. not to throw that fork. Amen.Copy !req
1581. Amen.Copy !req
1582. - I love you.
- I love you.Copy !req
1583. Stevie, that was, uh,
that was beautiful.Copy !req
1584. - That helps a little.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1585. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
1586. It doesn't fuckin' matter.Copy !req
1587. Oh, Donna.Copy !req
1588. It doesn't...Copy !req
1589. Ma, come on.
It's so beautiful.Copy !req
1590. So gorgeous.Copy !req
1591. Thanks, Auntie D.Copy !req
1592. We love you so much.Copy !req
1593. We love you.
Gorgeous, D.Copy !req
1594. We can't wait.Copy !req
1595. Mom. Mom. Hey.Copy !req
1596. You okay?Copy !req
1597. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1598. Oh, Natalie...Copy !req
1599. Rose Berzatto...Copy !req
1600. do you know how much
I fucking hateCopy !req
1601. - when you ask me that?
- Okay.Copy !req
1602. Do you know
how much I fucking hate...Copy !req
1603. Let's go upstairs.
- ... that you ask me that.Copy !req
1604. Okay.Copy !req
1605. Do you...
do you ask the restCopy !req
1606. of these people if they're okay?Copy !req
1607. No.Copy !req
1608. Uh...Copy !req
1609. Do I not look okay, Natalie?Copy !req
1610. Not really.Copy !req
1611. Let's go upstairs.Copy !req
1612. Oh, fuck you, Michelle.
Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
1613. I didn't mean it like—
I do not look okay?Copy !req
1614. - I didn't mean it like—
- Did I not just bust my assCopy !req
1615. all day for you motherfuckers?Copy !req
1616. I didn't mean it like that.Copy !req
1617. This... is beautiful.
It is.Copy !req
1618. Am I okay?Copy !req
1619. Are you motherfuckers okay?Copy !req
1620. Are you okay, Lee?Copy !req
1621. You didn't do shit!Copy !req
1622. This is fucking gorgeous.Copy !req
1623. Fuck you!Copy !req
1624. Fuck you!Copy !req
1625. Fuck you.Copy !req
1626. Fuck you, Natalie.Copy !req
1627. It's okay.Copy !req
1628. It's okay.Copy !req
1629. Well, I guess we all knew
that was gonna happen.Copy !req
1630. So it's out.Copy !req
1631. And, uh, maybe everybody,
everybody can relax, huh?Copy !req
1632. Yeah, that's, uh...Copy !req
1633. That's the worst
I've ever seen her.Copy !req
1634. You fuckin' piece of shit!Copy !req
1635. Get the fuck out.Copy !req
1636. Get outta here.Copy !req
1637. Hang on!Copy !req
1638. Ma, what did you do?Copy !req
1639. Ma, open the door!Copy !req
1640. Open the door, Ma!Copy !req
1641. Ma!Copy !req
1642. Ma, open the door!Copy !req
1643. Open the door!Copy !req
1644. Ma!Copy !req
1645. Ma! What did you do?Copy !req
1646. Ma, open the door.Copy !req
1647. Open the door!Copy !req
1648. Ma, open the door!Copy !req
1649. Ma!Copy !req
1650. Ma, what did you do?Copy !req
1651. Ma, open the door.Copy !req
1652. Open the door, Ma.Copy !req
1653. Ma!Copy !req
1654. Ma, open the door!Copy !req
1655. Open the door!Copy !req
1656. Ma!Copy !req
1657. Ma!Copy !req
1658. Ma!Copy !req
1659. Ma!Copy !req
1660. Ma, open the door.Copy !req
1661. Open the door!Copy !req