The Angry Video Game Nerd 1x7

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The Nerd reviews "McKids" a promotional game from the fast food chain McDonalds.

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1. - McKids is nothing more

2. than an advertising vehicle

3. much like games such as Yo! Noid and Seven Eleven Spot.

4. Now, some people out there may actually like this game.

5. And, to be fair, it isn't one of the worst games

6. in the NES library.

7. There are definitly much crappier games

8. such as Bugs Bunnies Birthday Blowout

9. and Silver Surfer, for example.

10. So anyway, let's checkout McKids.

11. So, there's Ronald with his magic bag.

12. A bag of hallucinogenic drugs.

13. I always thought that clown was one scary motherfucker.

14. The Hamburglar stole his bag, apparently.

15. Alright, this is the first level.

16. Now, does it look familiar?

17. So, where have I seen this before?

18. Jumpin' around collecting Ms.

19. Oh, like coins in Mario brothers?

20. Like, yeah that's where I've seen this.

21. It's just like Super Mario Brothers three.

22. Let's check it out.

23. I mean, the map looks similar, same idea.

24. The stages are designed the same.

25. Jumping on enemies.

26. I mean, everything looks the same.

27. Mario's controls are a lot better, though.

28. Well, pretty much everything is better.

29. So, back to McKids.

30. Ya know, I changed my mind.

31. It actually is pretty original.

32. I mean, walkin' upside down, I mean, that's pretty creative.

33. Whoa, makes me feel sick.

34. They musta been on crack when they came up with this game.

35. So, you go around collecting cards

36. that you need to beat the level.

37. So, there you go into Ronald's magic zipper,

38. runnin' around through magic McDonald world.

39. God, that really makes me nauseous.

40. And, don't try to kill anything with those blocks.

41. That really doesn't work too well.

42. Collect some more useless Ms that don't do anything.

43. Alright, here's a shitty bonus game.

44. You jump on these arrows that make you go up.

45. And, ya gotta jump on the white ones

46. until ya get to the top.

47. And then, when you get to the top,

48. you go into another zipper and you collect some one ups

49. which aren't really that important

50. because there's a part

51. where you can get a whole bunch of'em.

52. Then you go to Birdie's stage.

53. Stupid, feathered, fuckin' bird, bitch.

54. Cute smiley face.

55. You know what's a big problem with this game?

56. I mean, you never know what's below you,

57. you just fall and die.

58. Fuck balls!

59. This game's so bad they actually invented a way to end it

60. by pushing start and select at the same time.

61. So, you get this block that makes you heavier

62. so you can jump higher, well, lower really

63. and now you have another one up that you don't need.

64. So, that's just a waste of time.

65. Oh, and look, I died anyway.

66. So, what a waste.

67. Oh god, look a McFlurry man!

68. Those guys are bad ass.

69. So, how do I get that card?

70. Oh, every kid knows how to do this.

71. Just get the secret passageway under the clouds.

72. Yeah, that's easy to figure out.

73. Kids'll have the patience to figure that out.

74. Cause, ya know, kids have a lot of patience.

75. Especially the ones with ADD, such as myself.

76. Then you go to Grimace's board.

77. Here's Grimace, that big purple fuck.

78. Look at his house,

79. it looks like Barney the Dinosaur's testicle.

80. Okay, so here's the part

81. where you can get a billion one ups.

82. So, you just get two one ups, here.

83. And then, you go back into the board again.

84. You die, here, but you always get one extra.

85. So, if you have an hour to waste

86. then there ya go, have fun.

87. You're completely wasting your time anyway

88. if you're playing this game, as I am.

89. Let alone make a fuckin' video about it.

90. Some people like to call one ups extra guys or free mans,

91. I like to call'em life insurance.

92. Look how bad the jumps are.

93. Look at this, what a shit load of fuck.

94. All I wanna do is get down to that barrel.

95. But, it's such a pain in the ass

96. and it keeps bouncing me back up.

97. Fuck farts.

98. It never ends with this game.

99. It's just like an infinite turd coming outta my ass

100. just like an endless rope.

101. I mean, when the fuck's it gonna be over?

102. I can't stand this shit.

103. Watch the moose.

104. Grab a block and try to kill'em.

105. Unfortunately, it just bounces and misses him.

106. Now, look at this.

107. Would you ever guess

108. that you're supposed to jump off this cliff?

109. And, this shit really reminds me

110. of Super Mario Brothers three, again.

111. And also, why is this guy walkin' on water?

112. Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?

113. Then you gotta talk to the professor,

114. another one of Ronald's stoner friends,

115. and he tells ya to get more cards.

116. Which, makes me just wanna punch him.

117. Even worse, you gotta go to the moon

118. where you meet Cosmic.

119. Now, who the hell's Cosmic?

120. Did they run outta McDonald's characters?

121. What about Captain Crook or Big Mac?

122. No, Cosmic.

123. I never heard of'em.

124. I guess there's nothin' more you can expect

125. but a shitty character like that.

126. I mean, I bet the people who designed this game

127. were paid minimum wage.

128. So, anyway, your on the moon,

129. so you're floatin' around.

130. And then, there's these tentacles

131. that come out and kill ya where ever you go.

132. And, you really gotta bust your balls

133. to find all those cards.

134. Like, there's this one that's high up in the air

135. and even when you get it, you jump back down

136. and somethin' kills you

137. and you gotta start the whole level all over again.

138. Ass balls!

139. So, here you are at the last stage, Robble, Robble.

140. You gotta get the cards from Hamburglar.

141. So, you gotta get across the lava

142. by throwin' these blocks in it,

143. while all this stuff is shootin' at ya.

144. Fuck!

145. So, look at this.

146. This is some kinda track you have to move on

147. but ya can't because the controls are so hard.

148. So, do you hit A or B?

149. I don't know, I have now idea how to control this.

150. You'd think you can just hold the A button or something.

151. But no, of course not, that would be too simple.

152. They have to make it like,

153. you do these little taps with the button to make it move.

154. And, the controls just suck ass.

155. What a piece a shit.

156. A little kid could never figure this out.

157. So, finally, when you get through all these crazy obstacles,

158. ya get up here.

159. Ya walk all the way to this lava pit

160. and you don't have any blocks to float over it,

161. you can't go around it.

162. So what do ya do?

163. Guess ya just gotta commit suicide.

164. Toasty!