The Angry Video Game Nerd 1x6

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The Nerd certainly travels back in time, as he takes a look at two bad NES games based on the Back to the Future series.

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1. - This game is so bad.

2. I really don't wanna play it

3. but Darth Vader came from the planet Vulcan

4. and said that he'll melt my brains if I don't

5. so I don't have a choice.

6. The first thing I really admire

7. is how well it followed the movie

8. and you gotta love that music.

9. Sounds just like the movie, right?

10. And that's it, it just loops over and over again

11. and you're not gonna believe it

12. but that's all you hear the entire game.

13. Yep, from the title screen all the way to the end,

14. the same fucking music.

15. I'd rather have a fucking buffalo

16. take a diarrhea dump in my ear

17. than subject them to this horrendous garbage.

18. Now, about the gameplay.

19. Well, you're racing against the time limit

20. and you have to collect clocks to get more time

21. so that's pretty creative, isn't it?

22. So you're walking through Hill Valley

23. and every single thing you can imagine is out to kill you.

24. Bullies, hula hoop girls, killer bees

25. and guys holding glass windows just like in the movie.

26. What happened here?

27. Is this Hill Valley or is it hell?

28. I never knew a hula hoop girl could be so deadly.

29. Why does she wanna kill Marty anyway?

30. Not to mention, it doesn't even look like Marty.

31. Look at that black helmet head.

32. Also, when did he ever wear that sleeveless black shirt?

33. Oh look, I got a bowling ball.

34. Remember that in the movie?

35. Remember when Marty goes around

36. throwing bowling balls at people?

37. Whose idea was this?

38. What were they thinking?

39. Ah, the skateboard.

40. Now, that makes a lot more sense

41. but it's the most annoying thing in the game.

42. Yeah, it makes you go faster but you can't stop.

43. You crash into everything

44. and it makes it a whole hell of a lot fucking harder.

45. Jumping is useless.

46. Try jumping over the bench.

47. You'll never make it.

48. So what's the point of having a jump button

49. if it doesn't help at all?

50. What are those guys doing with that window anyway

51. and why are those giant bees always coming out?

52. Give me a break and what the fuck is Marty doing

53. when he gets killed?

54. It looks like he's having some kind of seizure.

55. I mean, I guess I'd have a seizure too

56. if there were bees and hula hoop girls

57. and all this weird shit coming at me.

58. I mean, just leave me alone.

59. I'm trying to collect clocks.

60. I never got too far in this game

61. but after the walking stages are over, you go to the cafe

62. which by this time is a breath of fresh air

63. to see something different

64. and get a break from that horrible music.

65. So you move up and down behind this counter

66. throwing milkshakes at people

67. and if any of them touch the counter, you're done for.

68. You think it would be easy to hit 'em but it's not.

69. Common sense would say if you stand in front of someone

70. and throw something, it would hit 'em.

71. You can't tell where to stand.

72. Now, if you actually have the patience

73. to get through the cafe stage, guess what's next?

74. More walking.

75. You know what's the worst thing about this game

76. is that it bears the name Back to the Future,

77. a movie well worth putting more time and effort

78. into making a decent game

79. and the movie came out in 85, the game 89.

80. There's no excuse.

81. No fucking excuse.

82. Just suddenly orders are passed.

83. Quick, make a shitty game, name it after a big movie

84. and then just spit it into all the stores

85. for all the kids to buy for $50.

86. Yeah, 50 fucking bucks.

87. There's no internet to look up reviews back then.

88. It was just you buy a game and you hope for the best

89. and with Back to the Future, how could you go wrong?

90. Oh yeah, you can fucking go wrong alright.

91. If I just shat into a bag

92. and wrote Back to the Future on it,

93. that would be the same as this awful piece of shit.

94. It brings my piss to a boil.

95. What a piece of shit.

96. I'll never play it again either.

97. This is my last time.

98. I'd rather eat out the rotten asshole of a roadkilled skunk

99. than play this game ever again and I'm dead serious too

100. and you know what's worse?

101. You know what's really worse?

102. Guess what?

103. There's a sequel.

104. Yes, it's true, Back to the Future two and three.

105. Two shitty games for the price of one.

106. Let's check it out.

107. Holy shit, look the DeLorean.

108. Now, I remember that from the movie.

109. Not so much the piranhas, the snails, the weird face,

110. the running frog, the bouncy thing,

111. the thing in the sewer that comes out and kills Marty,

112. the little dinosaurs, the cloud that drops pellets

113. and the whatever the fucking goddamn hell that is

114. and look at those, what are they, goombas

115. and the spiky thing ripped right off

116. of Super Mario Brothers?

117. Fucking slackers.

118. And every time you die, the DeLorean drops you off

119. and it seems like it always take you

120. in the opposite direction of which you're trying to go.

121. Shit soup.

122. Oh God, don't let the blue bird get ya.

123. Ass.

124. Get the key, get the key.

125. Yeah, the hoverboard.

126. Cool, a bonus stage.

127. Wow.

128. Fuck this.

129. I wish I could go back in time

130. to prevent this game from being made.

131. Unfortunately, I need to build a flux capacitor

132. and I also need some plutonium

133. to generate the 1.21 gigawatts of electricity

134. so that's out of the question.

135. So let's end on a positive note.

136. There's gotta be one good thing about this game

137. and I know what it is.

138. It fits in a toaster.