The Andy Milonakis Show 3x6

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. You think you're good at walking?

2. Yes.

3. You're good at walking?

4. I bet I can walk circles around you.

5. I bet you can.

6. Fantastic.

7. I'm fantastic.

8. I'm so fantastic I can walk circles around you, literally.

9. Literally.

10. I bet I can walk circles around you.

11. Okay.

12. Oh, fast.

13. Mwah.

14. I bet I can walk circles around you.

15. No!

16. No!

17. I need this!

18. I need this!

19. Yes, I would like to order a big bouquet of pretty flowers.

20. Hey, where have you been?

21. Hey, come in.

22. Oh, you're late.

23. What are you wearing?

24. You wore that to your wedding, are you kidding me?

25. I know he's late.

26. I— Ugh, here.

27. Do you have the ring?

28. Do you, Herbie Johnson, take this lovely wife to be your

29. lawfully wedded wife?

30. Money okay?

31. Yeah, it's your wedding day, man.

32. You're supposed to be happy.

33. Come on, come on back.

34. You can't back out now.

35. Come on, she's lovely, look at her.

36. Don't cry.

37. You made her cry.

38. Don't cry.

39. What are you doing?

40. Hey, come here.

41. Ah, he's a stupid deadbeat anyway.

42. Who needs him?

43. And zoom, the panda ate the sheriff's brains

44. with a pair of chopsticks and was crowned the

45. most beautiful animal in the whole room.

46. The end.

47. My autobiography is finally finished.

48. Time to cool off.

49. No!

50. Aah, all my hard work!

51. My hard work!

52. I gotta start from scratch.

53. "The Andy Milonakis Story."

54. Ooh.

55. Ah.

56. I must find this boy.

57. Uh...

58. Hi.

59. I'm a big-time publisher.

60. Are you Andy Milonakis?

61. Yes.

62. Your book was brilliant!

63. Oh, thanks.

64. Oh!

65. Why did you do that?

66. Because I don't accept unsolicited materials!

67. But Unsolicited Materials is the name of

68. my autobiography and you requested it.

69. Ahh.

70. Ah, I miss you.

71. Oh, run, it's a monster.

72. What are you doing?

73. Where?

74. Run, fast, fast.

75. Where?

76. It's Godzilla.

77. Where are you pointing?

78. I don't see where you're pointing.

79. What are you doing?

80. Get away.

81. What are you looking at?

82. You get away now.

83. You get away now, boy.

84. You get away now, boy.

85. Get away, it's a monster.

86. Still don't see it.

87. Ow.

88. I feel better now.

89. This looks way too hot.

90. Ralphie, can you test this to make sure it's not too hot?

91. Just fine, Andy.

92. Thank you.

93. Ugh.

94. Ralphie, can you test this apple to see if it's rotten?

95. Andy, this apple's mad rotten.

96. Now what am I gonna eat, huh?

97. Andy, I miss my family.

98. Can I go home soon?

99. What, you don't like living in my closet and testing

100. things for me?

101. Huh? Huh?

102. I kidnapped you fair and square.

103. Now test this battery and tell me if there's any juice left.

104. Ahh. Ahh. Ahh.

105. Yeah, it's good.

106. This article is so depressing.

107. What's so depressing about it?

108. It's about the homeless.

109. It's horrible.

110. Sometime all I wish is that I could be homeless.

111. Who would ever wish for homelessness?

112. Living with homes can be a nightmare.

113. Ew, that's gross.

114. Oh, that's Billy's house.

115. Can Billy come out and play?

116. Hey, don't touch my homes.

117. Sorry.

118. It's:

119. Starring:

120. And a:

121. I could spend all day looking at this handsome devil.

122. Your face looks like God himself carved it from expensive marble

123. and sent it down to Earth on the back of a magical luck dragon.

124. If the whole world looked as good as you, there would be

125. no more wars.

126. In fact, the pure beauty that emitted from your porcelain

127. complexion would cure all disease and famine as well.

128. I love you.

129. I said, "The freakin' apartment is on fire!"

130. Stop looking at yourself in the mirror, and start panicking

131. with the rest of us.

132. Friggin' jerk.

133. I'll be back for you later.

134. Free samples.

135. Have some free samples.

136. Okay.

137. Take a bite.

138. Good.

139. Yeah.

140. You know, you just ate the last unicorn's heart.

141. Uh-oh.

142. Can I have one?

143. That's one, that's good.

144. You just ate the joy of about 10,000 kids.

145. Now they're all sad, they're crying.

146. Tastes good though, kind of, to be mean like that, right?

147. It's yummy.

148. Have some free samples.

149. Oh, yeah.

150. Hey, thanks.

151. You know what that is?

152. Uh-uh.

153. You just ate the ability of a young pigeon.

154. Now it can't coo.

155. Coo.

156. I killed him?

157. It can't coo no more.

158. Duh, that's not the way you grow a palm tree.

159. I'm not trying to grow a palm tree, Ralphie.

160. I'm hiding my coconuts from you, you fat bitch.

161. I resemble that remark.

162. Hi, I'd like to make a delivery order please.

163. Come inside, please.

164. Hey, come inside, thanks.

165. What are you doing, man?

166. Let me see this.

167. What happened?

168. They didn't like it?

169. Oh, they didn't like it?

170. Here, fix this one.

171. Didn't you use the black truffles?

172. Why didn't he like the food?

173. Yeah, why is that?

174. How was table five doing?

175. Were they doing okay?

176. Make it better.

177. Make it better.

178. Make it better.

179. Why didn't he like the food?

180. We put the rat feces in.

181. We put the pig's blood in.

182. We put the imported truffles in.

183. Why didn't he like it?

184. Get out!

185. Shut up!

186. Shut up?

187. Oh,

188. Going—

189. Shut up!

190. Shut up!

191. Ugh, come on, stupid remote.

192. Ugh.

193. Rifka, can you turn the TV on for me please?

194. Okay, Andy.

195. Thanks, Rifka.

196. That'll be 50¢.

197. Let me out of here.

198. Get me out of this stinkin' thing that

199. I'm not really stuck in.

200. Get me out of this stupid thing.

201. This is stupid.

202. You're all stupid.

203. Our plan worked.

204. Now we can really get down.

205. Yee-haw!

206. Well, I don't know, I mean—

207. Yeah, I want to go to the park, but I mean, I do have some

208. things to do today.

209. All right.

210. Yeah well, maybe I'll meet you later then.

211. Okay.

212. All right.

213. Okay, bye.

214. Hey, Ralphie.

215. What you got there?

216. I found it in the closet.

217. It's a bag of pleasure.

218. Well, open 'er up.

219. Okay, okay.

220. Ah-la-la-la-la-la.

221. I don't get it.

222. Let me try.

223. La-la-la-la-la.

224. Ah-la-la-la-la-la.

225. Ah-la-la-la-la-la.

226. Wow, this really is pleasure.

227. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

228. Pleasure is pleasant.

229. Ah-la-la-la-la.

230. Oh, my head.

231. Where's my pleasure?

232. Where's my pleasure?

233. Andy, give me back my pleasure.

234. Andy, give me back my pleasure.

235. Andy, give me back my pleasure.

236. Ooh.

237. Andy, no!

238. Aah!

239. Can I help you with your TPS reports, Mr. Gilson?

240. Bah!

241. We-de-de-de-de-de.

242. Blue chips.

243. Can I interest you in some blue chips?

244. A-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling.

245. Remember kids, never mix business with pleasure.

246. Got to go to the bank and open some accounts.

247. Yay-woo-bop-boo.

248. Ah.

249. Ah.

250. Ah. Ah. Ah.

251. It's so good though.

252. Ahh!

253. What?

254. Stop judging me, machine!

255. Are you sick and tired of

256. animal attack videos that are boring and wimpy?

257. Yes!

258. Don't you wish you could buy an animal attack video that was

259. gross, brutal, and disgusting?

260. I sure do.

261. Then do I have the animal attack video for you.

262. When Andy Attacksis the most gruesome and shocking video

263. you'll ever see.

264. Watch Andy attack a lamp.

265. Watch Andy attack a TV.

266. Watch Andy attack a couch.

267. So for only 17 relatively large payments of—

268. Help me, announcer, I can't breathe.

269. I can't help you, Andy.

270. The voiceover was pre-recorded ten years ago.

271. I'm probably retired by now.

272. So buy When Andy Attackstoday.

273. It'll probably be the last one ever.

274. I mean, it will be the last one ever.

275. Buy it!

276. Buy it!

277. Mmm.

278. Hey dude, you wanna help me fold my sheet?

279. All right, but only if you let me

280. criticize everything you do.

281. You got yourself a deal, lady.

282. Don't wrinkle it!

283. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

284. "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

285. Here!

286. Good.

287. You walk at an abnormal clip.

288. Your shoes have shoddy construction.

289. You have terrible taste in bedroom decor.

290. Your draperies contain 0% imagination.

291. You hold your head crooked when you watch the set.

292. Your ear's got a pink tinge to it.

293. The fella that cuts your hair rushes the job.

294. I get the point.

295. Stop nitpicking.

296. Why are you even here?

297. Leave me alone!

298. Just leave me alone!

299. You got guts, kid, and I'm proud of you.

300. Bow Wow, despite previous warnings,

301. you have continued to behave in a cool and awesome manner.

302. You are hereby sentenced to hang out with Andy Milonakis

303. so that you learn to be lame like us.

304. Come on, man, anything but this dude.

305. Yeah!

306. Beam him in.

307. Wow, Bow-Wow, we're gonna be, like, awesome friends, right?

308. Make him eat lame food that isn't good.

309. All righty-dighty-do, here we go.

310. Aw, man, I'm not eatin' that.

311. Look at that, man, it's Spam and colored marshmallows

312. and trees and—

313. Make him play lame games that aren't good either.

314. I got the neato-ist video games ever.

315. A'ight, cool.

316. Okay, I got Silently Reading to Yourself Part 2,

317. Mellow Marbles, and Carrot Peeler Daytona.

318. I just got 10,000 points on that.

319. Which one you wanna play?

320. Them aren't even video games, dawg.

321. They're VHS tapes.

322. Stupid!

323. Aah!

324. Come on, bud, relax.

325. Stupid.

326. Dude, chill, hey—

327. Oh, I do have one cool thing.

328. Dang, man, what is that, man?

329. I don't know, it's a cool toy I found.

330. I call it "Bark-bark."

331. I have no idea why.

332. No, the evil ones have returned, and it's all that

333. Milonakis kid's fault.

334. Just for that I'm going to blow up the world for some reason.