The Andy Milonakis Show 3x2

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Yum, yum, yum.

2. Yum.

3. Yum.

4. Yum yum.

5. Yum yum.

6. Step right up and win a prize!

7. Press a button and win a prize!

8. Step right up!

9. Press a button and win a prize here!

10. I can win any one of them?

11. Yep.

12. Press the button and win a prize.

13. Andy Milonakis?

14. What's up?

15. That ain't scary, man.

16. Ew, dude!

17. Oh, come on, flip over.

18. That's nasty.

19. Oh!

20. Ugh!

21. Hi, can I please order five pizzas?

22. Shut up.

23. Uh, nothing.

24. Um, yeah, five pizzas.

25. Shut up!

26. Shut up.

27. Hi.

28. Hi, come in.

29. How you doing?

30. How are you?

31. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

32. A lot of pizza here, huh?

33. Yeah.

34. Shut up.

35. Shut up.

36. Shut up.

37. You gotta sign that.

38. Is anyone around to sign it?

39. Shut up.

40. Let me see that.

41. Money.

42. Yeah.

43. I gotta—you can't—dude, you gotta sign this.

44. Is there someone around?

45. An adult around or someone?

46. Why I gotta sign?

47. I pay in cash.

48. Pay in cash?

49. No, you're not paying in cash.

50. Hang on one second.

51. Shhhh.

52. Shhhh.

53. Shhhut up.

54. Yeah, how you doing?

55. This is Rocco's.

56. Someone sent me into 4039.

57. Shut up.

58. There's a kid here throwing the pizza all over the place.

59. I'm waiting for an adult to come down right now.

60. He fell.

61. Shut up.

62. Yeah, he's got a skull with the pizza in his mouth.

63. And he's ripping the ing cooler box.

64. Aw, shut up.

65. You're throwing the pizza all over the place.

66. You ruined five pies.

67. Aw, shut up.

68. So give me $70 and I'll leave.

69. Shut up.

70. You got $70?

71. Shut up.

72. Give me the $70.

73. Yeah?

74. Shut up.

75. 40, okay.

76. 60.

77. Okay.

78. Shut up.

79. Okay, have a nice day.

80. Come here, have some pizza!

81. Shut up!

82. Shut up!

83. Shut up, just shut up.

84. Who wants a rubbin', man?

85. I'll take one, man.

86. You want a rubbin'?

87. Here's a rubbin'.

88. Yeah.

89. Yeah.

90. Don't think about work.

91. Don't think about stress, bro.

92. Think about my creepy rubbin'.

93. Don't stress out.

94. Just relax and think about this creepy massage.

95. Yeah.

96. It's time for America's favorite super surefooted intense

97. action-packed police drama.

98. Five Second Police Drama!

99. Ain't gonna confess, huh?

100. You goin' away for a long...

101. Next time on Five Second Police Drama...

102. Popsicle!

103. Try some of our amazing candles.

104. They're very beautiful scented.

105. What are you doing, man?

106. Try some of our amazing candles.

107. Well, what kind of candles are they?

108. Just light any one and tell me if you like the scent.

109. Aaaah!

110. Fire!

111. Aaaagh!

112. Fire!

113. Aaaagh!

114. Aaaagh!

115. Ugh!

116. Ugh, me no like fire!

117. Ugh, me no like fire!

118. Frankenstein no like fire!

119. Aaagh!

120. Mm.

121. Mm.

122. Mm.

123. Yummy electricity.

124. Oh!

125. What are you, my little cute animal food friend?

126. You need a place to stay.

127. Oh, I guess that would be a good place for you.

128. What's wrong?

129. Oh, you wanna be free, don't you?

130. You don't wanna be cooped up in that cage.

131. Okay, I'll let you free.

132. Fly away!

133. Be free!

134. Yeah, you're free now.

135. Bye!

136. Play with the pretty birdies!

137. I'm holding on for my dear life!

138. Aaah!

139. Aaaah!

140. Ah, you!

141. Ah, you!

142. Not now, I'm still tired.

143. Can you give me a hand, please?

144. Can you help me up, please?

145. Seriously?

146. Yeah.

147. Absolutely.

148. Thank you.

149. You're welcome.

150. You looked like you were comfortable laying on the ground

151. there with your pillow.

152. Yeah, I am.

153. Oh, you just, like—okay, fine.

154. Could you help me up again?

155. On my way back, okay?

156. All right, thank you.

157. Can you give me a hand, please?

158. Can you give me a hand?

159. All right, here, let me help ya up.

160. So can you stand up?

161. Uh-uh.

162. That tickles!

163. Oh, third one, grab my leg.

164. Grab my eyebrow.

165. Each one of you grab one of my fingers.

166. One of your fingers?

167. Yeah, you grab that finger.

168. Grab that finger.

169. Grab that finger.

170. Whoops!

171. Whoaups!

172. Are you all right?

173. Whoops!

174. There we go.

175. All right.

176. All right.

177. All righty.

178. Are you better?

179. Yep.

180. Are you okay?

181. Yeah, I'm good.

182. Thanks.

183. Here we go.

184. One more time.

185. Thank you.

186. Up you go.

187. What's this string for, Andy?

188. It's a start over string.

189. Oh.

190. What's this string for, Andy?

191. It's a start over string.

192. Oh.

193. What's this string for, Andy?

194. It's a start over string.

195. Oh.

196. I got a hat on my head!

197. Aaaaaah!

198. Oh, no, it must be broken!

199. What's wrong?

200. It didn't make you start over!

201. It's not a start over string!

202. What the heck is wrong with this thing?

203. Aaaaaah!

204. Oh no!

205. Now I have a hat on my head!

206. You got a stupid hat on your head.

207. One, two...

208. A one, two, three, four!

209. Hey, kids, can you guess what Andy's touching?

210. Is it...

211. Make your choice now.

212. Did you make your choice?

213. Well, it doesn't matter.

214. Because I'm not giving you the answer.

215. You'll never know!

216. You'll never know what Andy was touching!

217. It was the pudding.

218. All right, come on through.

219. Wait.

220. Wait wait wait, stop.

221. No no no.

222. Metal back?

223. Metal back implants?

224. Metal back?

225. No.

226. You have a metal back.

227. No.

228. Do you have a metal back, Ma'am?

229. No.

230. I don't have time for games.

231. Do you have a metal back?

232. No.

233. No? Okay.

234. Open it up.

235. How come there's no combination on that lock, huh?

236. How come it's not locked?

237. How come there's no combination on it, huh?

238. 'Cause I'm holding it.

239. 'Cause you're what?

240. I'm holding it.

241. You're holding it?

242. Okay, yeah.

243. And I'm Abraham friggin' Lincoln, all right?

244. What's this right here?

245. Make-up.

246. Make-up.

247. Oh!

248. I'll tell you if this passes or not.

249. I'm a pretty lady!

250. What kind of deck is this?

251. Skateboard deck.

252. Yeah, what kind?

253. Uh, four-wheeled kind.

254. What kind are these trucks?

255. Are these trucks made in Cali?

256. Best trucks ever made.

257. These are Independent trucks.

258. Really, Independent trucks?

259. Is there any other kind?

260. How's the ollie-ing on it and everything?

261. Check it out.

262. Good kickflips?

263. Go ahead.

264. Is it really good?

265. Is it a really good board?

266. Will I really love it?

267. You'll fly.

268. Okay, then, you're not allowed to have it.

269. I'll take this one.

270. Empty your pockets, please, sir.

271. Put it on the table.

272. Oh, well, look what I just found in there.

273. Oh, well, look what I just found in there.

274. Aaaagh!

275. No!

276. No!

277. No!

278. Not today of all days!

279. No, they have to understand.

280. Yeah, they'll understand.

281. What can I do about it?

282. They have to understand!

283. That'll teach you to show up at the accordion playing

284. championship with those things for arms!

285. And my kicks show that I won't be swindled when it comes

286. to expensive finger snapping lessons!

287. I just enjoy kicking fat little girls.

288. Aaaaah!

289. It's not my fault!

290. Aaah!

291. It's The Lower East Side Dysfunctional Monster Gang

292. Squad Family Cartoon Show.

293. In LA.

294. With Eye Mouth Suzy.

295. The Not So Human Stick.

296. Plus Acid Reflux Charlie.

297. Hey, everybody!

298. I'd like you to meet my new friend Socrates.

299. Who are you trying to fool?

300. That's a hat rack with a bunch of socks hanging off of it!

301. He's right, Eye Mouth Suzy.

302. That's not a person.

303. You need to get all your mouth eyes checked.

304. Say it isn't so, Socrates.

305. Say it isn't so.

306. Oh, well.

307. I'll guess I'll finally get some use out of this industrial-sized

308. wood chipper I got off eBay.

309. Good-bye, old friend.

310. Let's have a dance party!

311. Fun!

312. Oooh!

313. Yay!

314. Take it easy, I'm trying to enjoy my breakfast.

315. Words, words, words.

316. Stop!

317. I'm ruining my make-up.

318. Stop.

319. I'm ruining my make-up.

320. Whoa!

321. We must have walked about a million miles today.

322. Walking sucks.

323. Hey kids, are you unable to walk or just plain tired of

324. having to walk?

325. By walking I've not only hurt myself but my loved

326. ones as well.

327. Walking makes me ashamed!

328. Boo woo!

329. Sounds to me like you fellas need to check out ant shoes.

330. Boy-yoy-yoing!

331. The makers of ant shoes have fastened thousands of live ants

332. to the bottom of super-comfy sneakers.

333. Put them on and let the ants do the footwork.

334. I'm not even moving my leg.

335. And that's not all!

336. You can use it out of doors!

337. Jogging without ant shoes is so 1982.

338. At the bus stop!

339. Wait, bus driver, hold the door!

340. Wait, bus driver, hold the door!

341. Even at the basketball court.

342. I'm gonna dunk!

343. Ant shoes make sure everything

344. is straight up and real!

345. Created by the makers of ant gloves.

346. Ants!

347. Ants!

348. Ants!

349. Hi, can I place a delivery order, please?

350. Uh, yeah, chicken with lemongrass.

351. Hi, come in.

352. Hi.

353. Hi, good good good.

354. Good.

355. We got—I found magic.

356. Ooh!

357. Fire?

358. What is that?

359. I don't know.

360. I think it's magic.

361. I don't know what to do, 'cause it's ma...

362. I think it's magic, but when I touch it it bit

363. my hand and it hurts.

364. What is that?

365. It's magic.

366. I don't know.

367. What do I do?

368. Can you help me?

369. No, I don't know.

370. You call 911.

371. 911?

372. Uh-huh.

373. 911?

374. Yeah.

375. What number is that?

376. How do I—what's the number?

377. 911.

378. Okay.

379. Okay, 911...

380. And what else?

381. I don't know.

382. Maybe call...

383. Are you okay, Grandpa?

384. Grandpa, are you okay?

385. Okay, diary, what weighs more, a pound of potato salad

386. or a pound of nickels?

387. Wrong, it's a pound of potato salad.

388. Potato salad's mad good.

389. One time I cut off all my hair, mixed it with mayonnaise,

390. and made hair salad.

391. I nearly choked to death.

392. Oh, well, back to the drawing board.

393. Update.

394. Oh, hi.

395. This is awkward.

396. Yeah, um, I think— yeah, could you, like, let go?

397. 'Cause I'm a growing boy.

398. And me need me nourishment.

399. You let go.

400. Yeah?

401. Why should I let go?

402. So I can take your life.

403. Looks like we got ourselves a stand-off, sucka MC!

404. Looks like we do.

405. He incited Othello.

406. For four letters.

407. Oh, um, drop my spaghetti.

408. Ah.

409. Hey!

410. Oh,

411. Ah, screw it!

412. You can have your stupid spaghetti.

413. Hmm.

414. I humbly accept, young man.

415. Mm!

416. Oh, this is gross.

417. Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you, every time you weren't

418. looking, I stuck the spaghetti under my armpit.

419. I hope you like the taste of Lady Speed Stick, son.

420. Zenap, my work here is done.

421. Take me.

422. Hey!

423. Oh, sorry.

424. I'm Sherlock Holmes, bro.

425. That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

426. I now pronounce you married.

427. You stink, man, you stink.

428. Why!

429. Ah!

430. Dance, fat boy, dance.

431. Do the dance.