The Andy Milonakis Show 3x1

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Hey, Andy, why do you got tears coming down your head?

2. Herbie's missing.

3. Andy, you didn't hear?

4. Herbie got an agent and moved to Los Angeles.

5. Really?

6. That's the words I was trying to say to you

7. from the inside of my teeth.

8. Well, if Herbie's gonna be a star, then I have to go

9. mooch off of him like a true friend.

10. Yeah.

11. But I can't wear this.

12. You want the shirt that I keep under my armpits

13. to stop the sweat?

14. Sure.

15. Poifect!

16. Oh, awesome!

17. Yeah!

18. California, here I come!

19. Oh, hi, I'm looking for Herbie.

20. Is this his place?

21. Who are you, little kid?

22. I'm Andy Milonakis, and I'm Herbie's best friend.

23. No, he's not my best friend.

24. Ralphy is my best friend.

25. I'm Herbie'sbest friend.

26. Well, I've gotta go get dressed anyway.

27. I'm gonna slip into something a little less comfortable.

28. I'll be back in a minute.

29. Uh—

30. In a minute.

31. Hey, old pal, I've been looking all over for you.

32. I came to hang out with you, buddy.

33. Here, for good!

34. Let's nice up the place.

35. Get rid of this stupid poster, put up a new clock.

36. Yeah, nice.

37. What are you still doing here?

38. I'm hanging out with Herbie.

39. It's Herb!

40. Herbie sounds trashy, okay?

41. Whatever.

42. I'm gonna go check out the new neighborhood.

43. I'll be back very soon.

44. Ha ha!

45. Hey, Mr. Movie Star, do you want to try

46. my lemon grass, chamomile-infused water?

47. It's deliciously pretentious.

48. Mmm.

49. Hey, Mrs. Famous Face, I hear they call this

50. the Walk of Fame.

51. Well, I think this is the walk of fame.

52. Hey, Mr. Sabertooth, you were the finest young

53. actress of your generation.

54. Why did you leave the silver screen?

55. No English!

56. Oh, that's not a reason.

57. You were the best.

58. Hey, Johnny Cool Guy, the Academy has voted,

59. and you are shunned!

60. Shunned, I tell you!

61. Shunned!

62. Shunned, shunned, shunned!

63. Can I place a delivery order, please?

64. Hello?

65. Hey, come on in.

66. The neighbors get mad.

67. Yeah, right over here.

68. The neighbors get really loud, I'm sorry.

69. Okay.

70. Okay?

71. All right, introducing to the stage for the first time,

72. the delivery guy.

73. This way, this way, this way.

74. No, no, no.

75. This way.

76. Come on, just for a second.

77. There we go.

78. Your total is $14.00.

79. Say what else.

80. What else, what else?

81. What did he say?

82. Say it again.

83. I have a couple more delivery in the car,

84. and I really have to go.

85. He has more deliveries in the car.

86. This guy—this guy's on fire.

87. What else?

88. What do you want me to say?

89. What do you want me to say?

90. Oh, hey, wait, wait, wait.

91. He's about to do his next one.

92. What's your next bit?

93. Come on.

94. What's your next bit?

95. I just got into U.S.

96. He just got into the U.S.!

97. And all he got was this lousy T-shirt.

98. How's it goin'?

99. How's it goin'?

100. Good job, good job.

101. Hey, tell me what I got to order.

102. I don't even know what I got.

103. Encore.

104. Okay, you got chicken fried rice.

105. Spicy—spicy.

106. Spicy!

107. Nice to meet you.

108. Nice to meet all you guys.

109. See you guys again next year.

110. Hey, food for everybody!

111. Pepperoni.

112. Mmm.

113. What are you doing today?

114. Oh, I'm going—

115. One second.

116. All right, go.

117. I'm going to my girlfriend's—

118. Oh, one second—wait.

119. Go.

120. I'm going to my—

121. Wait—go.

122. I'm going to my girlfriend's—

123. Hang on... go.

124. I'm going to my girlfriend's birthday party.

125. One second.

126. All right, go.

127. I'm going to a party.

128. One second.

129. Go.

130. I'm going to a party.

131. Wha—go.

132. I'm going to—

133. Wait... go.

134. I'm going—

135. Wait... go.

136. I'm going—

137. Wait... go.

138. I'm going to—

139. Wait... go.

140. I'm going to a party.

141. Wait.

142. Wait, hold on one second, really.

143. Can I leave?

144. Just one second, one second, one second.

145. Wait, wait, wait, one second.

146. One second... go.

147. I'm going to—

148. Wait.

149. Shh.

150. Go!

151. I'm going to a party.

152. Yeah, you did it!

153. God bless.

154. Wait... go.

155. Good-bye.

156. Hey, Herbie, aren't you glad I put you

157. back in your old aquarium?

158. So much more quaint and cozy than this big, scary apartment.

159. Ahhhh...

160. Herb, can I speak to you?

161. Alone?

162. I know what this is about.

163. I heard every word.

164. I've been listening the whole time with this here glass.

165. No, I know it's all my fault.

166. So to make it up to you, I brought you a gift.

167. Ralphy!

168. It was mad cramped up in here.

169. For Los Angeles, here I be!

170. Oh!

171. Oh, oh, oh, oh!

172. Unh!

173. Oh, my little baby.

174. You were so worth it.

175. I'm gonna name you Thomas.

176. Step right up and slap an invisible goat.

177. Step right up and slap an invisible goat.

178. I need a quarter.

179. Thank you.

180. Now slap him.

181. Like that.

182. Get him, get him!

183. All right, stop, stop, stop.

184. Pretend you're gonna be nice to him.

185. Hi, good goat.

186. You're a good goat, you're a good goat.

187. Now hit him!

188. Hit him again!

189. Yeah, knock him out!

190. Ha ha, we tricked you, you dumb goat!

191. Hit him, hit him—swing!

192. Swing, swing!

193. Spit on him.

194. Is he dead?

195. I think he's dead.

196. You think we got him?

197. Wait, just in case.

198. Unh!

199. Come on, that's not how you slap him,

200. you slap him like this.

201. You stupid goat!

202. You stupid invisible goat!

203. Why are you always invisible, you stupid goat?

204. Yeah, smash his face!

205. Stupid goat!

206. You stupid goat!

207. What did you do today there Charlie face?

208. I have a job.

209. You have a job?

210. Hey, get a load of this guy, huh?

211. Can you believe this guy?

212. Not really.

213. Not really?

214. Can you believe that guy?

215. Not really.

216. What do you think of this guy?

217. He all right.

218. He all right!

219. Ha ha, get a load of this guy.

220. Can you believe this guy?

221. He all right.

222. He all right.

223. He okay, he all right.

224. He's okay, yeah.

225. He's okay.

226. I'm a dummy face.

227. Kitty cat.

228. So cute.

229. No, that.

230. Ooh, even cuter!

231. How much?

232. $4.

233. I happen to have $4 right here.

234. Yea!

235. Wow, a crisp $4.

236. I'm so glad to be part of your beautiful event,

237. even though I wasn't invited.

238. Where's my ring?

239. Come here, you stupid birdies, I won't hurt you.

240. Gotcha!

241. I got you, you idiot!

242. I got you.

243. Hold still.

244. Hold still!

245. Hold... still.

246. Almost done.

247. There we go.

248. What have I become?

249. I'm a killer!

250. You're so good, though.

251. Mmm.

252. Aah!

253. Aah!

254. Fly me down, Andy, I'm scared.

255. Shut up, Ralphy kite, shut up!

256. Shut up!

257. I hate you, Andy.

258. I hate you, Andy!

259. My zoo in a box, it's finally here!

260. Finally, no more trips to the annoying zoo.

261. It's go time.

262. Oh, look, there are the cool little penguins, and elephants,

263. and a sea otter.

264. And a fat lady feeding her equally fat son cotton candy!

265. Oh, no, there's a mean monkey.

266. Oh, a twin-headed shark!

267. No, get away!

268. Get away, get away!

269. Whoa.

270. Wow!

271. Ding!

272. Wow!

273. Stupid, yet inconvenient.

274. Exactly how soft is a cat's belly?

275. I'm not sure.

276. Okay, what's the square root of pie?

277. Not the number pi, but apple pie?

278. I don't know.

279. How many grains of sand does it take

280. to fill a ceramic duck?

281. How many grains does it—

282. What's two plus five plus darkness?

283. I give up, what is it?

284. What's the capital of the moon?

285. Sorry, time's up.

286. What's three—

287. wait, what's four times—

288. wait, what's—

289. Yah.

290. Try some pudding.

291. Mmm.

292. What is going on here?

293. You guys are such pigs.

294. I was trying to be polite, but this is just way too much

295. for me to handle.

296. The green thing and the hot lady is right.

297. We're being rude.

298. Peanut butter slap!

299. Well, I'm glad you guys are finally admitting it.

300. To apologize, I brung you some gifts.

301. Well, that was nice.

302. I brung this old lady's head from New York.

303. Hello, everybody.

304. I brung that dude Larry, but now he's a

305. can opener or somethin'.

306. I'm finally home.

307. And I got Billy's soul on my shoe.

308. Get it?

309. I miss my hands, but not my ankles.

310. Those are for suckers.

311. Peanut butter slap!

312. Well, thank you for the gifts.

313. Now can you peace out, suckahs?

314. Okay, I'm sorry.

315. Herbie, I'm so sorry.

316. It's Herb!

317. Fine, I will!

318. I've got a brand new awesome album out to promote anyway,

319. and I'm gonna go listen to it 1,000 times in a row.

320. I'm out of here, you fish-faced idiot!

321. Peanut butter slap!

322. Why?

323. I am wierd beard.

324. Dance, fat boy, dance.

325. Looks like we got ourselves a standoff.

326. Looks like we do.

327. I'm gonna dunk!

328. Shut up.

329. Oh, just shut up.

330. What is it?

331. I don't know.

332. I think it's magic.

333. I'm Sherlock Holmes, bro.

334. That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

335. Yum, yum, yum, yum.

336. I like to walk circles around you.

337. Ooh.

338. There was a murder and Milonakis is cold.

339. You stink, man, you stink.

340. Aye, captain, aye captain.

341. Ahh!

342. US Captioning Company.