The Andy Milonakis Show 2x7

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In this episode Andy learns the truth about his birth from Jimmy Kimmel, eats spaghetti & more!

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Hmm.

2. Yummy.

3. Hmm, it's ready.

4. Ahh.

5. Yummy.

6. I hate myself.

7. I'm the great wizard and I

8. will now cast a spell on you.

9. You are now 3% more

10. interesting.

11. Okay, now tell me about

12. yourself.

13. I just came back from Spain

14. and I love it.

15. Oh man, it didn't work.

16. I want to go back again.

17. I thought I had it right.

18. I did the ga ga, blah.

19. Man, I could have sworn I had

20. that spell right.

21. I will now make your hat magic.

22. Voila La.

23. Magic hat.

24. You are now the Spanish Tony

25. Danza.

26. Yeah.

27. Hey Angela.

28. Hey Angela.

29. Hey, mind if I sit for a

30. spell?

31. Spell?

32. Sit for a spell.

33. Hi, can you tell me how much

34. it would be to ship a large

35. crate from New York to Florida?

36. It's about 200 pounds.

37. Come in.

38. You're Andy, right?

39. Yeah.

40. What's in here?

41. Can it be layed on its side?

42. It's really heavy.

43. It's really heavy.

44. I'm not that heavy.

45. It's really heavy.

46. There's somebody in there.

47. No.

48. Why would there be someone

49. inside the box?

50. It's a book or a Tom.

51. Andy's a monster.

52. Shut up, Larry.

53. Oww!

54. Let me out.

55. He bit me.

56. Mirian, what kind of call you

57. put me on?

58. I'll open it for you and I'll

59. show you it's a robot.

60. Just look inside.

61. Come here.

62. You're treting me like a box

63. of coffee.

64. Put your finger.

65. No, I'm not putting my

66. finger.

67. Let's try to move it.

68. Let's try to move this fat, lazy

69. slob that I hate that's a real

70. human that's kind of a robot.

71. Shut up robot.

72. Okay, we'll move it over here.

73. It's fine.

74. It's fine.

75. It's like.

76. I'm not taking this out of

77. the room.

78. I don't know.

79. I'm not taking it.

80. No, no, come here, come here.

81. We're going to open it.

82. I'm not taking it.

83. No?

84. You want to take it?

85. No, no.

86. Can you at least kick the

87. box?

88. Easy.

89. Careful.

90. Okay you're doing this to

91. mess with somebody.

92. Whatever's inside speaks.

93. It's a robot that speaks.

94. I'm not going to be messing

95. with that stuff.

96. I got stuff to do.

97. We're going to open this and

98. you'll see that it's a robot.

99. Yeah please.

100. That it's a real human robot.

101. When I move you, fat idiot.

102. I'm not fat.

103. Shut up robot.

104. Check it out.

105. Look, check it out.

106. If there's a battery or

107. whatever in it, I can't ship it

108. like that, because wherever I

109. ship to.

110. I don't have a battery.

111. I'm powered by nut wortz.

112. Robot, shut up.

113. Whoopsie.

114. Hold on.

115. It's not real.

116. It's not real.

117. I'm a robot.

118. That's a guy.

119. Sir, look, see, he's a robot.

120. I speak like a robot.

121. See.

122. I am a robot.

123. See, he's a real person, I

124. mean, yeah.

125. I am a robot.

126. Snow.

127. Ah, I want to build a

128. snowman.

129. I wish it would snow.

130. It's snowing.

131. It's snowing.

132. It's snowing.

133. You're my best friend,

134. snowman.

135. Oh, hey Bootsie?

136. How's it going?

137. My snowman.

138. You killed my snowman, Andy.

139. You killed my best friend,

140. snowman.

141. I hate you Andy.

142. You stink.

143. I'm having a fun time on Lake

144. Head Island.

145. Come back to Lake Head Island.

146. Lake Head Island loves you.

147. What's up Andy?

148. Ralphie, you've got makeup on

149. your face, man.

150. No I don't, Andy.

151. Ralphie, you're wearing

152. makeup right now.

153. I don't got makeup on my

154. face, though.

155. Dude, there's makeup all over

156. your face.

157. I would never wear makeup,

158. especially not on my face.

159. You have makeup all over your

160. face.

161. Maybe I do have makeup on my

162. face.

163. I had to cover up something

164. Andy.

165. It can't be that bad, man.

166. Just go wash it off.

167. Okay, Andy.

168. My mascara is running anyway.

169. Does it look good?

170. Oh my God.

171. I told you it was

172. embarrassing, Andy.

173. No man, it's not that bad.

174. Really?

175. No, I mean if you squint you

176. can hardly see it.

177. You know you make a guy feel

178. really good, Andy.

179. I like you.

180. No problem.

181. Hey, hey Andy?

182. Oh, hi creepy old man that I

183. drew.

184. I'm lonely.

185. Draw me a flemdolly.

186. Oh, I can't, cause I don't

187. want to.

188. You're a real piece of

189. You know that?

190. Okay, you convinced me.

191. I'll help you find a friend.

192. Mr. Electrical Socket?

193. Meet Dirty Old Man.

194. Pleased to make your

195. acquaintance.

196. I don't like this guy.

197. Who's next?

198. It's not your fault.

199. He's really grumpy.

200. All right, let's go meet someone

201. else.

202. Here's someone you have more in

203. common with.

204. Dirty Old Man?

205. Meet Dirty Old Tartar Sauce.

206. Nice to meet you.

207. I don't like him.

208. You're too picky.

209. Yao.

210. Andy, look I got a new

211. computer.

212. That's not a computer.

213. Ralphie, that's a calculator.

214. You do math on it.

215. Look, 2 + 2 = 4.

216. If that's a calculator what's

217. a computer?

218. This is a computer.

219. Try it, it's really easy to use.

220. These computers is mad good.

221. Vrmmm, out of the road, out

222. of the road.

223. Vrmmm.

224. Vrmmm.

225. Vrmmm.

226. Want a ride?

227. Yeah, I want to get a ride.

228. Vrmmm.

229. I'm off duty.

230. You were driving drunk.

231. I know I'm sorry, I was

232. wrecklessly driving, Officer.

233. Hey, ya'll blueberries.

234. Why don't you get off of our gal

235. darned stinking turf?

236. Hey guys, do you see

237. anybody's name on the ground?

238. No.

239. That's what I thought, so why

240. don't you take finger-staining,

241. pitt having, only good and ripe

242. for two months out of the year

243. asses and you get the hell out

244. of here, yo.

245. Or what?

246. Or we'll peel your stems off,

247. one by one.

248. Ah, you killed our leader.

249. I'll kill you all you studpid

250. cherries.

251. That wasn't us, it was one of

252. the razzies.

253. Yeah, yeah, the razzies did it.

254. Can you dig it?

255. I have a free paperclip for

256. you.

257. What do you want me to

258. paperclip to?

259. I'm just giving out free

260. paperclips today.

261. For what?

262. What reason?

263. Just to give them out to see

264. if people want them.

265. I don't want them.

266. I have a free paperclip for

267. you.

268. Sir.

269. What do you want?

270. I just want to give you a

271. free paperclip.

272. I don't need it.

273. Here's a free paperclip.

274. Oh, thank you.

275. Thank you.

276. Excuse me sir.

277. Free paperclips.

278. What?

279. Free paperclips.

280. I don't want it.

281. Okay.

282. I'm giving away free paperclips.

283. Okay.

284. There you go.

285. You're welcome.

286. You got more?

287. Yeah.

288. Thank you.

289. Whoo.

290. Wheee.

291. Wee.

292. Wee.

293. Wee.

294. Wee.

295. I'm a butterfly.

296. Yo, my mouth sprays like an

297. Ak47.

298. Ralphie's chilling in heaven

299. with Jesus.

300. Yeah.

301. Yeah.

302. Ching, ching.

303. Yeah.

304. Yes sir.

305. He's the funny guy.

306. We East side.

307. Yeah til we die.

308. All right.

309. It's for the A.

310. I like swiss cheese.

311. Uh huh.

312. Boy, I love this song.

313. It's amazing.

314. Yo, Vato, I'm mad

315. depressed, holmes.

316. What's wrong, Vicious

317. Critter?

318. You didn't kill any sewer rats

319. today?

320. Nah, Yo, just leave me alone,

321. all right.

322. I don't want to talk about it.

323. Come on, you can trust me.

324. Fine, Vatto, I don't know how

325. to dance and I'm ashamed, man.

326. Oh geez, that's it.

327. Come on, I'll teach you.

328. Look at me go, I'm amazing.

329. I've seen quadropeligic

330. vegetables that are better

331. dancers.

332. Thank you.

333. Thank you.

334. That was an insult, you

335. stupid jerk.

336. Hey wait Andy, what ya doing?

337. Working out so I can bust you

338. open.

339. Oh no.

340. Introducing the R crayon.

341. Now you can draw anything.

342. Anything at all?

343. Yes you can draw the letter

344. R.

345. Hey, but you said anything.

346. That's right, the letter R.

347. What if I want to draw the

348. word car?

349. Then you'll have to purchase

350. the C crayon and the A crayon

351. for just $49.99 each.

352. Ah, but then I'm not going to

353. have enough money to buy my

354. family Christmas presents.

355. Get your priorities straight,

356. little Billy.

357. Hey, my name's not Billy,

358. it's Andy.

359. Shut up.

360. Hey, do you like macaroni?

361. Yeah.

362. With the R crayon, you can

363. draw the letter R.

364. What does that have to do

365. with macaroni?

366. Hey, you haven't even drawn

367. one R yet.

368. What are you waiting for?

369. I don't want to draw a stupid

370. R.

371. I want to draw a sailboat.

372. Fine, go ahead and try

373. drawing one.

374. Okay.

375. Burns, doesn't it?

376. You hurt me.

377. Oh come on.

378. I'm just messing around, man.

379. It's just that I really don't

380. have many friends.

381. Yeah, I wonder why?

382. I don't know.

383. I guess I'm afraid of rejection.

384. So I lash out at others to

385. make myself feel better.

386. I'm sorry, little Billy.

387. It's not Billy, but it's

388. okay.

389. It's all right.

390. Here, why don't you try that

391. crayon again?

392. Don't worry about drawing R's,

393. you can draw that sailboat.

394. Really?

395. Thanks.

396. You suck, you suck at life,

397. little Billy.

398. You suck at life.

399. Do more crayons, now with

400. crazy orange.

401. Andy, Andy, look, I found

402. $20.

403. Oh wow.

404. Hmmm.

405. How can I trick him into giving

406. me that $20?

407. No way, Andy.

408. The only way you can trick me is

409. that the remote control is magic

410. and then you sell it to me for

411. $20.

412. This remote contol's magic

413. and I'll sell it to you for $20.

414. I'll take it.

415. Sucker.

416. Cool.

417. Cool.

418. Cool.

419. Andy, will you grab that?

420. Umm, no.

421. Are you serious?

422. Can you believe this?

423. Yes.

424. I made you and you won't even

425. pick up bubble tape for me.

426. You helped me out so much,

427. but come on, make me?

428. What's make me?

429. No.

430. I literally made you.

431. I am your creator.

432. What?

433. This is a going to be my son.

434. You are my new son, Andy

435. Milipinnochio.

436. I'm a going to love you and

437. cherish you for all of your

438. life, my little boy.

439. My sweet a little boy, Andy.

440. Papa.

441. I'm so sorry.

442. I'll never be a brat again.

443. Aye Papi.

444. Good boy, Andy.

445. Good boy.

446. Next week on the Andy

447. Milonakis Show.

448. Rat, rat.

449. I'm going to eat your

450. boogers.

451. No.

452. I'm so scared.

453. I'm cold.

454. Hee haw.

455. Oh, I don't have the heart to

456. wake them up.

457. Good night little buddies.

458. I wish I could sleep like you.