The Andy Milonakis Show 2x4

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In this episode, Andy hosts the Neighborhood Awards, the gang plays Duck, Duck, Goose and Herbie gets All-American Rejected.

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1. Andy, Andy, I have an idea!

2. Really, what is it?

3. Andy, I can't tell you, 'cause my idea

4. won't come true.

5. Oh, no, no, no, Ralphie, you're thinking

6. of a wish.

7. You can actually tell people your ideas, that's okay.

8. No way, Jose!

9. Come on.

10. No way, Jose.

11. Come on!

12. No way, Jose.

13. Come on!

14. No way, Jose.

15. Come on.

16. I told you, you stupid idiot!

17. ♪ I rock peas ♪ On my head

18. ♪ Pancake on my face ♪ Makes me extra happy

19. You won an award!

20. Yeah?

21. Yeah!

22. For the best umbrella when it's not raining.

23. That's not possible.

24. Yeah, you won, you really won, it's possible!

25. Win a dream home, anything is possible!

26. You won an award.

27. Best pushing a bag around in a cart.

28. You won. You earned that.

29. Yeah!

30. Excuse me, you won an award.

31. Thank you so much.

32. Appreciate this.

33. Biggest trophy award.

34. Uh-huh.

35. Wow, you have the biggest trophy.

36. Here you go, here's your award.

37. Thank you very much.

38. You won an award, yeah.

39. You won an award for the best person ignoring me.

40. You win the award for best ears.

41. What do you have to say?

42. Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay,

43. yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay!

44. That's right!

45. Best sound editing!

46. Hey, kids, you won an award for the blurriest faces.

47. Hi, can I place a

48. delivery order, please?

49. Okay, one chicken chop suey and an order, large order of fried

50. rice.

51. Come inside, please.

52. Hello?

53. Ugh. Hi.

54. How you doing?

55. Good.

56. Here, come in, please.

57. I'm sorry.

58. Please, come inside.

59. Got a real problem.

60. Got a real infestation.

61. It'll be really quick.

62. Oh, there you go.

63. I'll put these here.

64. Come here, mousey, mousey, who bothers me at night.

65. I'm okay.

66. No, that's okay.

67. Come here.

68. Clean up this mess.

69. Mousey... mousey...

70. Aah!

71. Now you're stuck!

72. Eat it! Eat it!

73. That's what you get for waking

74. me up, mouse.

75. Whoo! Get out of here!

76. Thank you so much, thank you.

77. Get outta here!

78. Okay, bye-bye.

79. Monkey heads?

80. That's dumb.

81. Rocket ships?

82. Blecch, boring.

83. You can have a he-man voice.

84. Tsh. What?

85. Grow your own money tree?

86. I gots to get that!

87. Yay! I can't wait till you grow, little money tree.

88. Grow, grow!

89. Whoo! Money!

90. Oh, I'm rich.

91. Oh, no. Pesos?

92. Ohh.

93. Here's your drink, senor.

94. Aah!

95. Duck.

96. Duck.

97. Duck.

98. Duck.

99. Duck.

100. Duck.

101. Duck.

102. Duck.

103. Goose!

104. Would you rather go on a date with a tornado or a lightning bolt?

105. What kind of question's that?

106. It's a good question.

107. A question about women, that's a different story.

108. Jeez.

109. Would you rather get hit by a clown car or a

110. hilarious regular car?

111. A hilarious regular car.

112. What would you rather do, dream about shoes or shoes

113. about dreams?

114. Whoo! Wah wah wah wah wah wah!

115. Get it?

116. Yeah, I like shoes, yeah.

117. What would you rather have, toes on your hands or

118. fingers on your feet?

119. Uh, fingers on my feet.

120. That was the most beautiful answer I ever

121. heard.

122. Thank you, I love you too.

123. What would you rather do, stick knives in your ears,

124. or stick really sharp pencils that are designed to look like

125. knives in your ears?

126. Pencils instead of knives.

127. Knives are dangerous.

128. All right, that's fair.

129. What would you rather have, wings that don't work or

130. flippers that don't work?

131. Flippers.

132. Don't you cry!

133. What would you rather have, a glass of grape juice

134. that made you happy or a glass of grape juice that tasted

135. good, which in turn makes you happy because when you taste

136. good things it usually makes people happy?

137. I'd rather have the one that makes me happy.

138. But that one doesn't taste good.

139. I forgot to tell you that.

140. That's okay.

141. Everything is okay, as long as it works for me, then it's okay.

142. Also, I forgot to tell you, it might not work for you.

143. It only works for some people.

144. I'll take a chance.

145. You take a chance on everything.

146. If you try hard enough, you could grow a beak!

147. The Andy Milonakis Show will be right back.

148. Aah! Whoo!

149. Yeah, yeah, yeah!

150. Waaaah!

151. Yeah, water's good, right?

152. ♪ Yeah, water ♪ Water you drink

153. ♪ Yo, raw gooseneck ♪ Soup, son

154. Uhh! I hate grapes!

155. I'm late for work!

156. FYI, Matthews, work starts

157. at 9:00, not 9:03!

158. In those three minutes, you've cost this company $5 million!

159. Guys, guys, I'm not running a chatterbox factory, all right?

160. Get back to work.

161. Get back to work.

162. ABC! Always Been Closing.

163. Always Been Closing.

164. Mr. Pernell, I read your reports.

165. They're useless!

166. Hey, I like the cut of your jib, Johnson.

167. Only one problem: there's a no-jib policy in this company!

168. Mr. Pennington, your request for maternity leave has been denied.

169. Back to work!

170. Back to work!

171. That's it, I like the hustle.

172. I like the hustle.

173. Hey, what are you guys doing, huh?

174. It's crunch time!

175. Is it not crunch time?

176. No! It's crunch time!

177. Hey, you know what time it is?

178. No.

179. It's crunch time!

180. Get back to work!

181. I'm not paying you guys to eat cereal all day!

182. I'm not paying you guys to drink water.

183. I'm paying you to go back to work!

184. Back to work!

185. Back to work—that's it!

186. I'm done with the rat race!

187. I've had my day in corporate America!

188. You know what?

189. I'm gonna be a blue collar worker.

190. I'm gonna be a hippie!

191. I'm gonna—gonna be a crazy hippie!

192. Oh, my God.

193. I know.

194. No, but for real, she did that.

195. Oh, my God, she is such a jerk.

196. Oh, my God, your hair looks so cute today.

197. Oh, my God, I know, right?

198. Oh, no, Al, there's Jake.

199. Oh, my God, don't look yet.

200. He looks so cute.

201. Hey.

202. Hi.

203. Hi.

204. Hi.

205. Hi.

206. Hi.

207. You going to Todd's party?

208. Yeah.

209. Cool. Hey, guys, what you think about my

210. billion dollar watch?

211. Uh, cool?

212. Uh, cool.

213. Later.

214. Later.

215. Later!

216. Oh, my God, Jake is so cute, but he's so immature.

217. He didn't even comment on my hair.

218. Yeah, that was really lame of him.

219. I know, right, I mean—

220. I know, like, totally, right?

221. Yeah, I know, like, right?

222. Tsh, I know, yeah, right.

223. I know, right?

224. Totally.

225. Oh, God, I know, right.

226. That's not good, right?

227. I know.

228. Totally.

229. Oh, God, I know, right?

230. Yeah, I know, like, right?

231. You stupid grape, I'm gonna shoot you!

232. For being stupid grapes!

233. Yo, son, you scared?

234. Yo, you scared son?

235. Yeah, you gonna pee yourself?

236. Yeah, pee yourself, yeah, yeah.

237. You're scared little grapes, huh?

238. Kablow!

239. Mmm, grape pee is grape pee-licious!

240. Arrr...

241. Hot dog, you gotta put some

242. clothes on, it's cold outside!

243. Leave me alone!

244. I wanna be free!

245. I don't want no clothes!

246. Put on a jacket!

247. I ain't no jacket.

248. Get that meaty thing away from me!

249. Blah, blah, blah!

250. Come on!

251. Excuse me, Andy, can you

252. please shut up?

253. Or play those juvenile games somewhere else.

254. Some of us are trying to read science facts and get smarter

255. than we already are.

256. Even though we're 100 times more intelligent than you

257. will ever be.

258. Whatever, Dr. Smartinokis.

259. You need to learn how to have fun.

260. I know how to have fun.

261. No, you don't.

262. Yes, I do, watch this.

263. You're a big...

264. That's great.

265. Where'd you learn that, in dork school?

266. No, I learned this in dork school.

267. Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woop!

268. Dork!

269. It's:

270. And introducing: Ohh, I'm so sad!

271. No one will ever marry me.

272. I'm a horrible beast of a woman.

273. Miss Eye Mouth Suzy, will you be my wife?

274. Yes! Of course I'll marry you, Mr. Frog.

275. You is rich, right?

276. Well, I'm rich with love and tenderness.

277. Stop talking crazy, girl.

278. I'm talking about cash money.

279. You gots a lots of it, right?

280. Well, um, no, but...

281. Later for this, yo!

282. Oh, that was the longest

283. relationship I ever had!

284. Oh, joy!

285. Oww!

286. Uhh.

287. Now you're beautiful.

288. your can opener.

289. Fine, Larry!

290. Do you love Larry?

291. Yes!

292. Not you, you idiot jerk, them!

293. Well, if you love Larry, chances are, you probably love falafels

294. too!

295. Yeah, I like falafels, they're great!

296. Shut your mouth!

297. Now you can experience all the joy of Larry in falafel form!

298. Introducing Falafel Larry!

299. Wow!

300. Falafel Larry does everything real Larry would do

301. if he were made out of falafel!

302. Yes!

303. He'll come over and borrow your can opener.

304. You can shave his armpits.

305. You can put a tiny pancake on his face.

306. He even bleeds green blood, just like the real Larry.

307. And Falafel Larry can talk!

308. Duh, I'm an idiot jerk. Duh.

309. Holy Moses, it's like listening into a mirror.

310. Buy Falafel Larry today!

311. Falafel Larry is delicious.

312. Almost as delicious as the regular Larry.

313. Also available, Souvlaki Rivka.

314. Uhh!

315. Ohh!

316. So you thought I could only hold fishes.

317. Oops, you're right, I can only

318. hold fish.

319. All right. We're all done.

320. How do you like it?

321. Oops.

322. Whoa! Floating turtles!

323. They're hover turtles, to be specific.

324. Aren't you guys from The All-American Rejects?

325. Yes, we are the All-American Rejects.

326. Don't just hover there.

327. Come on in!

328. So what can I do for you guys?

329. Our research shows you own a turtle named Herbie.

330. And our research is never wrong.

331. Correct-O!

332. Our other band members' turtles were killed by

333. tarantulas in a rainstorm.

334. And we would like to test Herbie for hover capability.

335. Oh, really?

336. I've never seen him hover before, but maybe he can

337. hover if we try.

338. Let's try, okay?

339. Here he is.

340. Andy, could you please step aside?

341. We're going to perform a couple of tests.

342. Okay.

343. We got one test left to run

344. this turtle through.

345. What test is that?

346. This one.

347. Eeeeeh!

348. Well, that was a real waste

349. of time.

350. Yeah, thanks for nothin', kid.

351. Let's go, Chris.

352. My poor Herbie!

353. Oh, my God.

354. Ahh!

355. Hi, we're the cast of The Andy Milonakis Show.

356. We hope that this episode has taught you a little more

357. about the dangers of eating disorders.

358. You don't have to starve yourself so people will like

359. you.

360. Just be yourself!

361. Now, come on, these mayonnaise-covered donuts ain't

362. gonna bob for themselves, now, are they?

363. All right.

364. Mmm. Mmm.

365. ♪ Yo the show is over ♪ So I gotta go, son ♪ Go eat a pork sandwich

366. Hee haw!