The Andy Milonakis Show 2x3

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Watch as Andy faces his conscience, celebrates Fat Tuesday, kicks it with Nick Cannon and more.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Ewww.

2. Bulls eye.

3. I hate myself.

4. ♪ Pancake on my face ♪ Makes me extra happy

5. What's your name?

6. Doctor Dollars!

7. 'Cause I got my dollars.

8. This suit?

9. See these dollar bills?

10. This is just so I won't get robbed.

11. Underneath it is mad diamonds, yo.

12. Hey, you know how I

13. made a billion dollars?

14. How?

15. Gimmie a dollar.

16. I did that to a billion people.

17. Yo, you ever ski down your own private mountain of caviar?

18. No.

19. Me either, but if I wanted to I could!

20. 'Cause I'm mad rich, yo.

21. My heart is encased in platinum, and it pumps gold-y-gold

22. through my diamond ventricles.

23. That's how rich I am.

24. That's how rich I am.

25. Yeah.

26. Yo, I'm so rich, I'm gonna eat a cash salad with platinum

27. duck feet, and diamond raspberry reducti-on!

28. Oh, oh.

29. I'm so rich, I bought time machine, and I went back in

30. time, and I had George Washington autograph everyone

31. of these bills.

32. Then I punched him in his wooden teeth.

33. 'Cause that's how I roll, son.

34. Yeah?

35. Yo, see that handshake?

36. Yeah.

37. You owe me a million dollars, I'll see you in hell.

38. Hi, yeah I want a delivery.

39. Uh-huh.

40. I want one large cheese pizza pie, please.

41. Come in, please.

42. Come closer.

43. Put the pizza on the floor, please.

44. Out here?

45. Put the food on the ground.

46. I have to do this through a TV.

47. I have a rare, rare condition.

48. Dinero, dinero.

49. Ah, dinero.

50. Down here, open, open.

51. Open, open.

52. Aqui?

53. Abierto.

54. Todo, todo— There is your favorite.

55. Dinero! Dinero!

56. Abierto!

57. Dinero.

58. Dinero!

59. Abierto!

60. Abierto.

61. Put some food to my mouth.

62. Give me—comida.

63. Gimmie some!

64. Feed me.

65. Yeah, yeah, okay.

66. Comida!

67. Me, me, me!

68. Give me.

69. Hey, hey, yeah.

70. How much, $16?

71. Hold on, I'm gonna give you a tip.

72. One second.

73. Hello.

74. Do you think it's time for the

75. next sketch?

76. Si.

77. Whoa!

78. That's so cool.

79. I gots to have it.

80. Mister, how much is that thing?

81. Not for sale!

82. Oh, come on.

83. Step right in.

84. Hey, what're you doing with that baseball bat?

85. I wonder who that could

86. be?

87. "I'm gonna kick your ass at 3:00"?

88. Why would I do that to anyone?

89. Oh, no that's from someone else!

90. Oh, man.

91. No.

92. Oh.

93. This thing wasn't even spelled right.

94. I hate you, I hate you, you jerk!

95. Look at me!

96. You hear me?

97. I'm gonna kill you!

98. I'm gonna kill you!

99. What the hell are you doing?

100. You're trying to beat me up?

101. I'm at least one and a half times bigger than you.

102. I hate you!

103. You haven't played with me in months!

104. I'm sorry, but that's not the way to handle it.

105. You're right, Andy.

106. I need help.

107. Yeah, you do.

108. And you know what?

109. I know of a great anger management support group

110. that I've sent a lot of friends to.

111. I think it'll really do you some good.

112. Thank you so much!

113. That would be great.

114. No problem, let's go.

115. I'll take you there.

116. Where is this place?

117. Aaaah!

118. Nobody s with Andy Milonakis.

119. Hey, what's your name?

120. Steve.

121. Steve, you mind if I give you a shout out?

122. A shout out?

123. Yeah.

124. Yeah.

125. Yo, I wanna give a shout out to my man, Steve.

126. Steve smells delicious.

127. That's my man, Steve.

128. Yo, you wanna give me a shout out?

129. What's your name again?

130. Andy.

131. Okay, Andy, there's a shout out to you.

132. Good luck to you.

133. Yeah, thanks, yo.

134. Yo, give me a shout out.

135. Yo, give me a shout out.

136. Shout out.

137. Shout out.

138. Yo, give me a shout out, my man.

139. Give me a shout out.

140. Shout out.

141. Give me a shout out.

142. Give me shout out.

143. I wanna give a shout out to my girl, Aurelia Baker.

144. Give me a shout out now.

145. I'm 80 years old.

146. I take care of myself.

147. I'm gonna make a little

148. sandwich.

149. Good sandwich, y'all.

150. She's gonna make a good sandwich, y'all.

151. With yummy, yummy peppers.

152. Yo, no meat, y'all.

153. She a vegetarian.

154. Give me a shout out for my girl, the vegetarian.

155. Whee!

156. Whee!

157. Whee!

158. Whee!

159. Oh, my hands are all dirty.

160. I don't like them like this.

161. I gotta go clean them.

162. Ooh, your hands are so pretty,

163. Andy.

164. Thank you, thank you.

165. Ahh.

166. Mmm.

167. Mmm.

168. Yummy!

169. Mmm.

170. Perfect!

171. Perfect!

172. Foot, head, foot, head.

173. Foot, head, foot, head.

174. Foot, head, foot, head.

175. Hey, Ralphie, you wanna eat some dirt?

176. Yeah, yeah, I love dirt.

177. It's not dirt, this is Oreo

178. cookie crumbs!

179. Ralphie, Oreo cookie crumbs taste much better than

180. dirt.

181. Maybe...

182. if you're human.

183. Okay, all right, stop.

184. Let's just watch TV.

185. Okay, Andy.

186. God.

187. It's annoying after a while.

188. Who love New York?

189. Who love New York?

190. Everybody.

191. Hey, Dance Talker, let's have a dance talk battle.

192. You wanna see me, bro?

193. I wasn't hitting the number.

194. I wanna go to Puerto Rico to enjoy my little life.

195. Puerto Rico beaches, they're king.

196. Yo, whassup?

197. Yo, baby, whassup?

198. Yo, sometimes I go to Puerto Rico and go,

199. I eat empanadas in the wind!

200. Hoo, hoo, ha!

201. Sometimes the wind ties that are gold.

202. Hi, hi, hi, hi!

203. You got it, baby.

204. Try to do that.

205. Try to do this.

206. Sides are where pigs and rainbows and American flags are.

207. Relations is a— Oh, it's getting late.

208. Where's my bookmark?

209. Ahh.

210. I can't wait to eat you, Baby Corn.

211. You're such a little baby, Baby Corn.

212. Oh, you're probably gonna cry when I put the can opener

213. on you, you little Baby Corn.

214. Where are all the can openers.

215. Hey, Andy, I need to borrow your can opener.

216. Hey, Andy, can I borrow your can opener?

217. Hey, Andy, can I borrow your can opener?

218. Hey, Andy, can I borrow your can opener?

219. Hey, Andy, can I borrow your can opener?

220. Hey, Andy, can I borrow your can opener?

221. Hey, Andy, can I borrow your can opener?

222. Hey, Andy, can I borrow your can opener?

223. Hey, Andy, can I borrow your can opener?

224. Andy, can I borrow your can opener?

225. Larry!

226. One minute, Andy.

227. I know you're in there, Larry, open up.

228. Larry!

229. Larry!

230. We need to talk.

231. If this is about the 8,000 can openers that I borrowed,

232. I have no idea what you're talking about.

233. Ooh, Larry, Larry.

234. I know you're up to something.

235. I just don't know what.

236. Can openers?

237. I—I mean—I'm not up to anything.

238. Mmm.

239. What did you get in the grocery store?

240. Some potatoes and other things.

241. That's what I love about you.

242. You always buy potatoes.

243. You can never get enough potatoes.

244. Potatoes fill you up.

245. Yeah, they do fill you up, that's what I love about

246. you.

247. You always wanna get filled up.

248. I love your jacket.

249. Thank you very much.

250. I love your headband.

251. Thank you very much.

252. I love your lipstick.

253. Thank you.

254. I love your earrings.

255. Thank you.

256. And I love you.

257. Thank you.

258. Yay!

259. So what're you doing tomorrow?

260. Tomorrow, if it's a nice day, we're gonna take a walk again.

261. That's what I love about you.

262. You have a routine, and you stick to it.

263. I just go out there and do my thing.

264. You know what I love about you?

265. What?

266. Everything.

267. Oh, you too.

268. Thank you, sir.

269. Hey, what're you doing here?

270. That's what I love about you.

271. You never answered.

272. You're just doing your own thing.

273. I don't got time, Fat Andy, I'm just gonna do my own thing.

274. I also love how boring you are.

275. You're like my little woobie.

276. Who did your hair for you?

277. I make myself.

278. That's what I love about you.

279. You don't need any prissy barber salon doing everything for you,

280. you're like, I'm gonna do my hair, and it's gonna look just

281. as good as if they did it in a beauty salon.

282. Sometimes I go to the beauty parlor.

283. That's what I love about you.

284. Sometimes you switch it up.

285. Yeah.

286. How are you doing?

287. That's what I love

288. about you.

289. You're always pointing to a direction when I ask you how

290. you're doing.

291. We'll be right back after these important can openers—

292. I mean commercials.

293. We'll be can opening right after these commercials.

294. Hey, show me your jacket.

295. Yeah.

296. Whoo!

297. Jacket!

298. Wow!

299. Mr. Jacket.

300. Hey, mister, show me your werewolf face.

301. Hey, miss, show me your aardvark tongue.

302. My aardvark tongue?

303. What's that?

304. Yay!

305. Hey, miss, show me your alter ego.

306. Which one?

307. That one.

308. Yay!

309. Okay, you got me.

310. Hey, miss, show me your glass eye.

311. Ahhh!

312. Here you go.

313. Oh, thank you.

314. Hey, mister, show me your soul.

315. Right there.

316. Ah, good, that's what I like to see.

317. You're so bad at catching.

318. Hey, mister, show me your best cat claw.

319. Good job!

320. Well, it wasn't that good.

321. I'm sorry, I can't give you any beads.

322. Ooh, boy.

323. Hi, we're the cast of The Andy Milonakis Show.

324. And we're here to tell you that you do not need performance

325. enhancing drugs to be strong.

326. Real strength comes from here, and here.

327. And here.

328. Oh, Strong Steve, you're the Strong Stevie-est.

329. America!

330. Anyway, what we're all

331. trying to say is...

332. Don't steal!

333. ♪ Yo ♪ I got cardboard shoes

334. Yo, Andy.

335. Hey, Nick Cannon, what's up, my man?

336. Man, I seen you was freestylin' and all that.

337. You're trying to rap on your show and everything.

338. Just wondering if you ever put them steals to the test.

339. Oh, you mean, like, Battle Rap?

340. Well, no not really, man.

341. Why don't you come and Battle Rap with me right now?

342. Okay, cool, man.

343. Come on, man, show me what you got.

344. All right.

345. All right, you win.

346. You win.

347. Stop cryin', you win.

348. I win?

349. I won!

350. I won the rap battle!

351. Yeah!

352. Ha-ha, man-breasts.

353. ♪ Yo, the show ♪ Is over ♪ So I gotta go, son

354. Hee haw!