1. Hi, my name is ism —
aw.Copy !req
2. Hi, my name's Warren datoos.
Aw!
Hi, my name's dyle watterson.Copy !req
3. In this flim — in this fi—
flim — aw! Curse word!
Hi, my name's Darwin watterson.Copy !req
4. And this Darwin's about...
Uh... Uh...
Oh, come on, dude!Copy !req
5. How hard can this be?
Oh, hi.Copy !req
6. Aah!
Hmm.
Okay.Copy !req
7. One, two, three.
Hi, my name is mormon towason.
And this is a film about theCopy !req
8. thing that — when the people do
that — and then — then they do
that, and it's about the filmCopy !req
9. where sh— we show who it is
that —
Again. From the top.Copy !req
10. Yes! Yes! Finally!
Nailed it!Copy !req
11. Wait.
Is the light supposed to be onCopy !req
12. when it's recording, or...Copy !req
13. This is my school,
elmore junior high, and this is
the story of my life,Copy !req
14. starring...
The wattersons as theCopy !req
15. wattersons...
Tobias Wilson as Tobias...
Nigel brown as the principal...Copy !req
16. Hector jungheim as Hector...
Carrie kruger as Carrie...
This guy as this guy...Copy !req
17. And introducing all my other
friends in the "amazing world
of —"Copy !req
18. And here we are in the natural
habitat of the
moobus gelatinous, spendingCopy !req
19. today, as he does every day,
sheltering himself from
responsibility.Copy !req
20. But what's this?
It seems a nearbyCopy !req
21. kickbuttus hystericus is
returning from a successful
hunt.Copy !req
22. The moobus will be keen to
scavenge.
It is essential he evadesCopy !req
23. discovery.
He knows that, despite his size,
he's no match for the physicalCopy !req
24. prowess of the elegant
kickbuttus.
He's not here for the smallCopy !req
25. pickings.
He knows that it may be up to an
hour before he's allowed to eatCopy !req
26. again.
His timing must be perfect, so
he waits.Copy !req
27. And he strikes!
Wuuuuhhhm!
The kickbuttus willCopy !req
28. give chase.
Get back
here!Copy !req
29. Richard!
Things are looking
bad for the moobus.Copy !req
30. However, nature gave him a
silent, but deadly defense
mechanism that triggers itselfCopy !req
31. when he feels threatened.
Ew! Richard!
The moobus seizesCopy !req
32. his chance and retreats to his
den.
Richard, come back here!Copy !req
33. The kickbuttus
defends her territory, but inCopy !req
34. doing so, commits another
mistake.Copy !req
35. In this ruthless ecosystem, an
unguarded kill is quickly
claimed by the vultures.Copy !req
36. Okay, prepare yourself — 3-d
without glasses.Copy !req
37. What I want you to do is just
focus on my eyes until your
vision adjusts.Copy !req
38. Now, it takes a little time, and
you might need to get a little
closer to the screen.Copy !req
39. The best distance is normally
about three inches.
Now, keep watching until the 3-dCopy !req
40. effect kicks in.
Keep looking. Almost there.
Almost... There.Copy !req
41. Why are we hiding?Copy !req
42. Shh! Just look at
him!Copy !req
43. What is he doing?
It looks like he's got worms.
"B,"a."Copy !req
44. Wait up.
I'm gonna get some, too.
Huaah!Copy !req
45. You may now start your tests.
Zoom in! Zoom in!Copy !req
46. I need to see how he does this.Copy !req
47. "B,"a."
Duuuuude!Copy !req
48. He's using cheat codes in real
life.
I need to learn that code, man.Copy !req
49. Look, he's doing itCopy !req
50. again!
"B,"a."Copy !req
51. Aah!Copy !req
52. Ohh!
Aah!Copy !req
53. All right, dude.
Film this.
Up, up, down, down, left, right,Copy !req
54. left, right, "b,"a"!
What is this cheat
for?Copy !req
55. It's for —
Da-da-da-da-ho! Ho!Copy !req
56. Call an ambula—
an ambula-a-a-a-a-a-a—Copy !req
57. Hi. I'm Tobias Wilson.
And a lot of people ask me, "can
you teach me to be as cool asCopy !req
58. you?"
And I say, "no, you'll never be
as cool as me."Copy !req
59. But I can teach you to be cooler
than you, and just maybe you'll
be a hit with the ladies, likeCopy !req
60. me.
What up, sunshine?
Boo-yah!Copy !req
61. If you want to get dates, you
got to pump weights, 'causeCopy !req
62. girls can't deny a guy who's
this fly.
So let's get some muscles andCopy !req
63. score some girls from... Like,
Brussels, or something.
Let's do this!Copy !req
64. Yeah!
That's what I'm talking about!
If there's one thing girls love,Copy !req
65. it's cash.
So you got to make it rain.Copy !req
66. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
That's right.Copy !req
67. Aah! I chipped my tooth!
Now I've got the look and the
flip, all I need is the lady.Copy !req
68. Hey, beautiful, you have a
quarter?Copy !req
69. 'Cause I told my mom I'd call
her when I fell in love.
Uh... No, I'm sorry. I don't.Copy !req
70. But you can use my cell.
Mm.Copy !req
71. Hey, mom, uh... Could you come
pick me up early today, 'cause,Copy !req
72. uh...
I'm kind of embarrassed.Copy !req
73. Thanks.
No worries.
Ahh. See you later.Copy !req
74. Tobias!
Where are you going, dude?Copy !req
75. Tobias!
Aw, come on!Copy !req
76. ♪ do-do do-do do ♪
♪ commercial break ♪Copy !req
77. People always ask
me, "how do you look so
horrible?Copy !req
78. Is it natural?"
Well...
Here's my secret.Copy !req
79. Creme de huaah!
With active ingredients
including fridge mold and hamCopy !req
80. sweat, its pimple-inducing
formula is guaranteed to keep
your skin oily and rank.Copy !req
81. Creme de huaah!
Ew!
Ew!Copy !req
82. ♪ it's baby anais ♪
♪ the living baby doll ♪
She likes to drinkCopy !req
83. milk!
She's really drinking it!Copy !req
84. ♪ it's baby anais ♪
♪ the living baby — ♪
Aah!Copy !req
85. Aw, forget it, man.
Let's try something else.
No, no,Copy !req
86. ♪ it's the
annihilator! ♪
With realisticCopy !req
87. nothing can resist her —
cars...
Trees...Copy !req
88. Bricks...
Houses...
Her own face!Copy !req
89. What? Why?
'Cause that's what
people want, man.Copy !req
90. All right.
Then, uh, look cute.
People like to laugh at peopleCopy !req
91. who get hurt and cute pets.
All right.Copy !req
92. You call that cute?
What?
You think you can do better?Copy !req
93. I'll show you cute.
Ahh!
All right.Copy !req
94. If that's what you want...
Cute combo attack!
Ahh! Ahh!Copy !req
95. Ahh!
The cuteness — it'sCopy !req
96. too much.Copy !req
97. Ah, this is stupid.
We got a chance here to do
something that matters, andCopy !req
98. we're just trying to please the
masses.
And whatCopy !req
99. would you do?
I'll show you.
Life...Copy !req
100. People...
And one question to drive it...
Why?Copy !req
101. We look out into space for an
answer, but just find spheres
orbiting spheres.Copy !req
102. We look inside ourselves for an
answer, but just find spheres
orbiting spheres.Copy !req
103. Coincidence? Think about it.
Look at this peanut.
Doesn't it look a lot like anCopy !req
104. eight?
And look — turn it a little,
and what do you get?Copy !req
105. Infinity.
Are we ruled by nature,
mathematics, or —Copy !req
106. ♪ the annihilator! ♪
"Ninja
George ii."Copy !req
107. Ninja George.
Yes,
colonel?Copy !req
108. You have to help us
defeat evil once again.
I can't.Copy !req
109. I promised I would never raise
my fists again.Copy !req
110. But, ninja George,
Dr. Downer has captured yourCopy !req
111. sister, ninja Georgina.
All right, then.
But first I need to train.Copy !req
112. Now I'm ready.
Yes, you are.Copy !req
113. Ninja George traveled far and
wide, but it was full of
dangers.Copy !req
114. On the way, he met a giant, so
he had to defeat it.
Hyah!Copy !req
115. And then he met a
dragon, so he had to defeat it.Copy !req
116. Hyah!
And then he met aCopy !req
117. beautiful woman who he fell in
love with, but he wasn't
emotionally ready, so he had toCopy !req
118. defeat it.
Hyah!
Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
119. It's not you. It's me.
And then he arrivedCopy !req
120. at the evil temple of
Dr. Downer.Copy !req
121. Ah!
Colonel! It was you all along?
Yes!Copy !req
122. I tricked you into coming here
to defeat you!
But why didn't youCopy !req
123. attack me before my training?
Uh...
Let's fight!Copy !req
124. Hy-ya-ya!
Hah! Hah! Hah!Copy !req
125. Uh... Uh...
No, no, no!Copy !req
126. Please don't cry!
Please.
You know that when youCopy !req
127. cry, I cry.
What are we gonna do?Copy !req
128. You're supposed to jump through
a window in the next scene.
WeCopy !req
129. need another ending.
I'm sorry I made youCopy !req
130. feel like the second-best ninja
in the world, Dr. Downer.
No,Copy !req
131. ninja George.
It's me who's sorry for being
such a prissy little jerk andCopy !req
132. capturing your sister.
I think we both
learned that expressing ourCopy !req
133. feelings is way better than a
fight to the death.
Yay! Mega-happy ending!Copy !req
134. All right.
How do you eject the tape?
It's the red button.Copy !req
135. You're sure?
I thought the red button was to
record.Copy !req
136. Nah.
It's definitely eject.
All right.Copy !req
137. Ah, man!
I can't wait to see this!Copy !req
138. Why does he want toCopy !req
139. see us?
We haven't done anything, have
we?Copy !req
140. I don't know.
Let me see if there's anything
on your conscience.Copy !req
141. No, your conscience is pretty
clean.Copy !req
142. I don't know what he wants.
We're nice people, man.
But you know heCopy !req
143. always goes easier on us when we
own up right away.
Let me handle it.Copy !req
144. Yes! Yes, it was us!
But before you judge, think
about this — video games, rapCopy !req
145. music, television, the Internet,
advertising making us want stuff
that you're getting ready toCopy !req
146. shove down our throats so you
can get even richer!
Who's the real victim here?Copy !req
147. And while you're at it, think
about this!
Who is the real culprit — theCopy !req
148. victim of your corrupt society,
or the man that could have done
something but let it happen?Copy !req
149. Uh... I-I called you in
because I thought you wouldn't
mind showing Sara around theCopy !req
150. school.
Aw, dagnamit, man!Copy !req
151. I just wasted the best excuse
material I've ever had.
That's the library, where weCopy !req
152. hide when it's gym class.
That's the gym, where we hide
when we're supposed to be in theCopy !req
153. library.
don't be nervous.
You'll settle in quickly enough.Copy !req
154. I'm not nervous.
What makes you think I'm
nervous?Copy !req
155. The bottom of your
cone is dripping.
Well, it's normal to beCopy !req
156. nervous with your reputation.
Reputation?Copy !req
157. Yeah.
In my last school, all the girls
ever used to talk about is howCopy !req
158. hard core you guys are.
Oh, yeah?Copy !req
159. What else do they
say?
Well, they said that you guysCopy !req
160. were tough and that you have
those, like, awesome adventures.
Mm!Copy !req
161. And you're always coming out
on top.
Yeah.Copy !req
162. They say that you don't
respect the rules.
That's right.Copy !req
163. And they say —
As temptedCopy !req
164. as I am to live this lie, it'll
save us the guaranteed shame of
being outed later on if I justCopy !req
165. tell you right now that we are
absolutely not hard core.
Yeah, let's face theCopy !req
166. facts.
Some meathead will hear us claim
that we're hard core and thenCopy !req
167. they'll come and kick our butts.
Thanks, but no thanks.
And let's get back to the tour.Copy !req
168. This is the cafeteria, where you
can have lunch...Copy !req
169. And sometimes see a rat fight.
Who do you think isCopy !req
170. the most beautiful — the way
the sun comes out after the
rain, or the first footstep inCopy !req
171. newly laid snow?
So you think you're hard
core, huh?Copy !req
172. Sorry.
Are you talking to us?Copy !req
173. What do you think?
I don't know, man.
There's people everywhere here.Copy !req
174. Are you getting fresh with
me, dipstick?
What?Copy !req
175. What does that mean?
Look, who are you guys?
That's Carlton and Troy.Copy !req
176. They're from my old school.
And we're here to see how
hard core you really are.Copy !req
177. Back off, Carlton!
You don't know who you're
messing with!Copy !req
178. What part of "we're
not hard core" did you not
understand?Copy !req
179. If you're so hard core...
We just said we weren't.
Then what are you gonna doCopy !req
180. about this, face ache?
Absolutely nothing,
dude.Copy !req
181. Sounds to me like you want to
fight, dweebazoid.
Okay, I don't knowCopy !req
182. what kind of movie you're living
in, but I don't want to be in
it.Copy !req
183. That's right!
Walk away before it gets ugly!
What do you thinkCopy !req
184. we're doing with our legs right
now?
Guys, that was pretty stupidCopy !req
185. to provoke them like that.
Uh, you were the one
who was stirring the pot!Copy !req
186. You should be careful.
Their father is a very important
man, and they don't take kindlyCopy !req
187. to people who stand up to them.
Well, how do they
take to people who do absolutelyCopy !req
188. nothing to them?
It's a bit late for that.
How many times do weCopy !req
189. have to repeat this — we want
nothing to do with this whole
story!Copy !req
190. You guys are
crazy.
No, young lady!Copy !req
191. You are the insane one here!
Walk on the other side of the
street, please!Copy !req
192. Now, stay at this distance for
the rest of our lives!
So are you guys gonna fightCopy !req
193. them?
'Cause I can call them and
arrange a time and a placeCopy !req
194. and...
Aw, I can't take any
more of this.Copy !req
195. and get a crowd together
and maybe a paramedic in case of
injury and — ohh!Copy !req
196. Oh.Copy !req
197. This girl's trouble, man.
Ohh, short shorts.Copy !req
198. What is it
now?
I'm Mr. Crease.Copy !req
199. I teach over at richwood high,
and I heard you might have had
some kind of altercation withCopy !req
200. some of my students yesterday.
Yeah, we did!
They came out of nowhere andCopy !req
201. tried to start a fight with us!
Well, I just wanted to say
that if that situation everCopy !req
202. happens again,
You will lose
and they will win!Copy !req
203. And you'll be like, "aah!"
And they'll be like, "roaaarrr!"
Ooh!Copy !req
204. What's the matter?
You scared, little piggies?
Uh, yeah.Copy !req
205. You're a fully-grown man
screaming at us, and if you
continue, I'm gonna call theCopy !req
206. police.
Just what I'd expect from a
couple of cowards like you!Copy !req
207. "Ooh!"
Who's the hard-core one now?
Uh... You, I guess.Copy !req
208. That's right!
Oooooo-oohh! Ba-ba-ba-ba.
La-la, la-la...Copy !req
209. Let's go out the
back.Copy !req
210. You know what the
worst thing is?
This guy is a teacher.Copy !req
211. No, dude.
The worst thing is that this
guy's got two sweaters and he'sCopy !req
212. not wearing either of them.
Where do you thinkCopy !req
213. these guys are coming from?
They look weird.
Guys, watch out behind you!Copy !req
214. What does she want now?
We can't hear you!Copy !req
215. Buhp! Buhp! Buhp!
You stay right there!
Just speak louder!Copy !req
216. Watch out behind you!
So, you thought you'd mouthCopy !req
217. off to coach about being more
hard core than us.
You got some nerve, you Neo-maxiCopy !req
218. zoom dweebies.
Ohh!
Okay, dude.Copy !req
219. Fir— firstly, that's not what
happened.
And, secondly, ho— how do youCopy !req
220. even know about it?
It was like two — aah! —
Minutes ago.Copy !req
221. Sara told us.
We're gonna crush you tomorrowCopy !req
222. at 4:00, freekazoids!
Noooo.
That's not gonna happen, becauseCopy !req
223. we don't want anything to do
with you.
Well, if you don't turn up,Copy !req
224. I'm just gonna have to tell my
dad to level your school and
build his golf course right onCopy !req
225. top of it.
♪ la-la la-la ♪
not listening, don't care, andCopy !req
226. please go away.
What the what?Copy !req
227. They just disappeared!
Nah.
They just climbed up that tree.Copy !req
228. And they said we
have to fight them at 4:00Copy !req
229. tomorrow or their super-rich dad
will bulldoze the school and
build a golf course on it.Copy !req
230. But I mean, when I
say that out loud, it's like the
most ridiculous thing I've everCopy !req
231. heard.
Hmm.
Well, all I can say is, if thereCopy !req
232. were to be a fight at 4:00
tomorrow, I would probably be in
this office listening to loudCopy !req
233. music with the blinds closed.
Wait. Are you
actually telling us to fightCopy !req
234. these guys?
No, no, no, no.
No counselor would condone suchCopy !req
235. a thing.
I mean, think about it — all
your friends, the people whoCopy !req
236. work very hard to give you an
education — all of this you
shouldn't fight for.Copy !req
237. I think we'll take
this further up the chain of
command.Copy !req
238. Now, fighting is never okay.
But let's say he's got his arms
around your neck like this.Copy !req
239. It might seem like a bad spot,
but you have to take advantage
of your environment.Copy !req
240. "Oh, looky what we got here —
his own shoe."
You can just grab that.Copy !req
241. It's really very easy.
Most people won't expect it.
Now you can throw it across theCopy !req
242. room, and he will release you,
because most people usually
really want their shoe back.Copy !req
243. Has been there some
kind of chemical leak today?
'Cause right now everyone'sCopy !req
244. acting like total psychos.
Another trick is that most
shoes are opaque, so you can useCopy !req
245. it cover his eyes, effectively
blinding him.
Seize the advantage, spin himCopy !req
246. round, and spank him with his
own footwear.
With a "bang" and a "bam" and aCopy !req
247. "bim" and a "pow"!
What is wrong withCopy !req
248. people today?
I don't know.
The teachers are nuts.Copy !req
249. Sara keeps making things worse.
He's still here.
"Rooooaaaar!"Copy !req
250. And I know what's
gonna happen if we roll with
this — we're gonna have aCopy !req
251. fight, it's gonna look like
we're losing, but then we'll win
thanks to our "heart" orCopy !req
252. something, then those sweater
guys will respect us, and then
we'll freeze-frame in some kindCopy !req
253. of high-five, mega-happy-ending
cheese pose.
You know what?Copy !req
254. I say we dodge this and save
ourselves the trouble.
Ab-so-lutely.Copy !req
255. Gumball!
I've heard you'reCopy !req
256. gonna sacrifice yourself to save
the school.
I know it's heroic and selflessCopy !req
257. and... Kind of attractive.
And I know there's nothing I canCopy !req
258. do to stop you, but I thought I
should try.
Listen to your heart.Copy !req
259. What does it say?
Get a restraining order onCopy !req
260. those guys and live happily in
shame!
It says I have toCopy !req
261. fight.
Ohh!Copy !req
262. What?Copy !req
263. See you on the court, losers.
I expected more ofCopy !req
264. like a fight, fight, not really
a tennis match.
Also, this school is weird.Copy !req
265. Yeah, I can sort of
see why Sara didn't fit in.
Prepare to suffer!Copy !req
266. Well, on the plus
side, this should be over quick.
15-love!Copy !req
267. top spin!
Gumball!Copy !req
268. If you believe in your heart,
you can win this!Copy !req
269. Aah!
Backhand!Copy !req
270. Ace shot!
Forehand!
Volley!Copy !req
271. 50-love!
30-love!
40-love!Copy !req
272. Game!Copy !req
273. Ooh!
Nyah!
Nyah!Copy !req
274. They're planning something.
But what, coach?
I don't know.Copy !req
275. But the best defense is attack.
Break him.
What do you mean?Copy !req
276. I mean, if an opponent cannot
run, he cannot win.
But there's only one pointCopy !req
277. left.
I think I can win —
you don't think!Copy !req
278. You do what you're told!Copy !req
279. Hey, dude. Look.
"Waffle face."
Aah!Copy !req
280. Right in the glutes!
Is there anything you can do,Copy !req
281. sir?
He'll never be able to live his
life if he doesn't finish thisCopy !req
282. game.
Uh... Yeah, I will.
I'll live just fine.Copy !req
283. No.
If I don't heal you and you
don't finish this fight, youCopy !req
284. will never find balance.
Ohh, why does nobodyCopy !req
285. ever lis— wait. Can you really
heal me?
Yes, with this ancientCopy !req
286. technique.
Whoa!Copy !req
287. I-I-I-I — ah, gosh.
I think I'm okay now.Copy !req
288. We were wrong, Carlton.
He truly is hard core.Copy !req
289. How do they clapCopy !req
290. without moving?
All right!
Let's just get this over with,Copy !req
291. please!
I'm sorry.Copy !req
292. Game, set, and match —
richwood high!Copy !req
293. Maybe you didn't win this match,
but you showed your courage, and
for this, I give you not aCopy !req
294. trophy, but something much more
important.Copy !req
295. I give you my respect.
Dude, do you
actually start dressing in theCopy !req
296. morning by tying a sweater
around your shoulders?
Like, do you wear one as yourCopy !req
297. underpants, as well?Copy !req
298. Come on! Give me five!
♪ Five! ♪
Told you it wouldCopy !req
299. end like that.Copy !req