1. Ow!
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2. Oh. Okay.
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3. Thank you for booking
Larry's Happy Snaps
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4. for a family portrait
you're sure not to hate.
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5. Positive feelings about
your portrait not guaranteed.
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6. No refunds, no re-dos,
framing not included.
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7. Come on in, Larry.
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8. You can set yourself up
in the dining room.
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9. Thanks, ma'am.
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10. Come on, Dad. Keep them open.
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11. You need to get used to this
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12. so the flash doesn't startle
you when we take the photo.
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13. It's not my fault I was born
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14. with the eyes of a beautiful
young baby deer.
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15. Richard, you got this.
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16. Come on, everyone,
it's photo time!
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17. Why do we need
a new photo anyway?
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18. Seriously?
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19. Hmm? Hmm?
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20. Hmm?
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21. I always kind
of liked that picture.
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22. It's impressionistic.
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23. Yeah, it gives the impression
we're weirdos.
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24. Look,
Anais isn't even in frame.
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25. Besides,
it's not just that photo.
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26. My birthday dinner.
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27. Christmastime.
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28. The one and only vacation
we had last year.
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29. Wait, that one's nice.
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30. That's our reflection
in the plastic.
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31. I just want one nice
Watterson family photo
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32. where we all look normal,
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33. and not like
a bunch of criminals
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34. in a police lineup.
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35. Is that too much to ask for?
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36. Yes, it is!
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37. So if you please,
lovely customers,
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38. 'cause I got a bar mitzvah
to get to after this.
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39. So the less dialog, the quicker
I can get this done.
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40. All right,
big smiles, everyone.
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41. Uh, maybe take it down a bit.
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42. - Richard!
- Okay.
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43. And three, two...
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44. One.
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45. Everyone stay here.
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46. I'm here
for the family photograph.
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47. Granny Jojo!
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48. I don't think
I told you about—
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49. You didn't. I read about it
in Richard's weekly newsletter.
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50. You know, honey,
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51. Rich Pickings,
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52. the wit and wisdom
of Richard Watterson.
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53. Well,
I guess you're family,
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54. and this is
a family portrait, so—
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55. Great. Come on in, Louie.
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56. What?
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57. W-Wait, what's this?
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58. Oh, it's a bunch of old junk
I found in my basement
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59. that I thought might look good
on your windowsill.
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60. Great.
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61. More useless
old relics in the house.
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62. Whoa! What's this, Granny Jojo?
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63. Ah, some old family heirloom.
I don't know.
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64. Hey! Bunion.
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65. Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
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66. Whoa!
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67. This thing looks like it needs
your soul to be opened.
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68. The only thing
taking your souls
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69. will be me if you don't...
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70. give me
your cutest smile
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71. for this photo!
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72. Okay, everyone,
just, uh, shuffle in a bit.
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73. - Hey, you calling me fat?
- Granny, please.
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74. Okay. And three...
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75. two...
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76. One!
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77. What was that?
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78. You've got to be kidding me.
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79. Nicole!
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80. Mom? Dad?
W-What are you two—
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81. Oh. Rich Pickings.
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82. You didn't start the photo
without us, did you?
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83. No, you're just in time.
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84. And thank you for being
a loyal newsletter reader.
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85. We've actually got
some news of our own.
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86. After 40 blissful
years together,
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87. your father and I have decided
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88. we'd both like
to consciously uncouple.
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89. She wants to leave me
for her yoga instructor.
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90. This isn't happening.
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91. You remember
Johnny Toucan, right, honey?
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92. Hey, Nicole.
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93. I haven't seen you
since senior year.
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94. Yeah, when you were a freshman.
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95. Well, it takes
"toucan" to tango,
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96. Oh.
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97. Oh, Johnny. Yeah, I get it,
like your name.
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98. That doesn't make any sense.
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99. I know this is
a lot to take in,
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100. so I got help
to bring in the rest.
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101. I need a place to stay.
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102. You guys can take the couch.
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103. Okay. You're gonna have
to all stand still.
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104. Kids, stop messing around
with that box!
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105. But, Mother...
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106. It calls to us.
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107. Now, now, do you think
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108. you "toucan" behave?
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109. There's three of them,
you ignoramus.
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110. And don't talk to my grandkids!
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111. Louie, get my purse.
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112. - We got a fight cooking.
- Can I close my eyes yet?
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113. Mrs. Watterson, I have
another job to get to.
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114. I really need
to take this picture.
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115. Yes, yes, Larry, uh, this...
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116. - This will be the one.
- Okay.
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117. Three, two...
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118. One.
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119. Okay, no one move!
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120. Hey!
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121. Frankie?
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122. - Dad!
- I thought you're in prison
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123. for robbing
that gardening store.
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124. Ah, someone told me there was
money in the hedge funds.
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125. But I got out.
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126. Call Elmore Police Station.
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127. Ah, don't worry.
It's all legit.
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128. My correctional officer
is with me.
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129. Nice to meet you, ma'am.
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130. Who I'm also dating.
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131. Wait, Dad!
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132. How did you get the newsletter?
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133. Son, for the right price,
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134. you can get anything in jail...
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135. - Mmm-hmm.
- ... including a head tattoo
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136. of my baby boy.
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137. Oh, it looks just like me, Dad.
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138. Fine, come on in.
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139. It's not like this photo shoot
can get any more chaotic.
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140. The power of three
will set this box free.
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141. I got five bucks
on the big one.
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142. I'm gonna rip you apart.
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143. Oh,
looks like "toucan" play—
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144. - Richard!
- The power of three—
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145. Oh.
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146. It was the ashes
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147. of my great-great-uncle
Howard's barbecue pit.
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148. That man could smoke
a brisket for days.
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149. Hey, Nicole. Looks like you
could use a little time-out.
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150. Ma'am, this is not acceptable.
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151. I've really got to get
to my next job.
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152. So if—
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153. Totally understand.
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154. Your feedback
is important to us.
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155. All right, here we go.
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156. Okay, Nicole,
let's just talk this out.
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157. Just you and me...
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158. and my court
appointed parole officer.
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159. - And love of my life.
- Aw!
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160. I get it.
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161. Family can be tough.
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162. But in all those years
I spent behind bars,
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163. you know what I learned?
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164. Solitary confinement
is amazing?
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165. No. Well, yes.
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166. Me time is always great
for the soul.
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167. But also, I learned
how to mediate conflict,
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168. to communicate with those
who struggle to listen
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169. to the needs
of others around them.
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170. May I?
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171. Everybody, listen up!
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172. I'm gonna pin each and every
one of you in the cool house
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173. and fry your cheesesteaks
if you don't get in line
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174. and take this picture
for Nicole!
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175. There's also way
too many of you.
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176. So we're taking
this operation outside.
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177. - Uh...
- You're welcome.
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178. Do I have hat hair?
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179. - I feel like I have hat hair.
- Wait, where's Larry?
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180. Oh, he was a little tied up
with his next gig,
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181. but he said
I could borrow the camera.
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182. Okay, but who's gonna
take the photo?
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183. I will. I was on mugshot duty
for eight months,
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184. so I know all about snapping
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185. criminally beautiful people
such as yourselves.
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186. I love this guy.
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187. But, Frankie, you should be
in the photo.
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188. Listen,
after everything I've done,
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189. I need to earn your trust
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190. before I'm allowed
to rejoin this family.
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191. You just want
a nice family picture.
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192. So let me do this for you.
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193. Thanks, Frankie.
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194. Oh, isn't he a dream?
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195. Okay, everyone, this is it.
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196. Not getting everyone.
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197. I'll move back a bit.
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198. Uh-uh, still too close.
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199. Don't want to cut off
any of your lovely faces.
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200. And a bit more.
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201. Little bit further.
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202. That's it. Perfect.
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203. Okay, hold it right there
and say...
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204. "You'll never catch me!"
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205. Uh, did he just escape?
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206. He couldn't have taken
the photo first?
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207. Oh no, I'm in so much trouble.
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208. Wait, remember your training.
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209. Blame the people
I'm sworn to protect.
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210. Cool.
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211. Code 10-98!
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212. I got a family aiding
an escaped convict!
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213. Freeze, Wattersons!
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214. You won't take me alive! Run!
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215. We've got a runner!
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216. Get
your bear claws off him,
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217. you Donut-Hole!
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218. Take him!
He's the ringleader.
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219. Quickly!
Get inside!
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220. Well, I guess
the photo's not happening.
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221. Maybe it wasn't
meant to be, honey.
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222. Like
the kids' college funds.
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223. Or my...
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224. failed scat career.
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225. Yeah, Mom, it's just a photo.
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226. But it's more than that!
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227. I just wanted one normal thing
amidst a house full of chaos.
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228. To come down in the morning,
sip my coffee
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229. and look
at a nice picture of us
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230. before the day blows up
in my face.
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231. Sorry to interrupt.
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232. Beautiful family, Nicole.
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233. Beautiful family.
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234. I don't know.
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235. Maybe it's impossible.
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236. All right, guys,
you don't need to milk it.
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237. No, I think
it's the gas canister
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238. they just threw in.
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239. This day really is a disaster.
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240. No, Mom.
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241. We're gonna get this photo.
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242. Yeah. You deserve it, Mrs. Mom.
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243. And I still got the camera.
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244. 'Cause it's the last thing
my dad touched.
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245. And because the feds
might need his fingerprints.
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246. Oh, thanks, guys.
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247. Come out with your hands up!
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248. Quick! Barricade the door.
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249. Help me!
Get me out of here!
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250. Great idea, Larry.
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251. You can take the picture.
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252. All right! We're breaking
this thing down in...
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253. Three...
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254. Two...
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255. One!
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256. We're innocent!
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257. Okay. Sorry for the mistake.
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258. You're free to go.
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259. Good. You finally figured out
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260. that officer was lying,
and dating an inmate,
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261. might I add?
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262. Oh no, we actually made her
chief of police.
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263. Whoo-hoo!
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264. I'm only letting you go
because I can't wait to read
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265. about this in next week's
Rich Pickings.
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266. Ah!
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267. Thank you
for your service, officer.
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268. Huh? Oh!
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269. Your personal items.
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270. This camera was recovered
at the scene of the crime.
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271. It sustained some damage
when we busted into your house.
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272. Uh, I mean...
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273. Some other guys broke it
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274. some other time.
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275. It just kept snapping pictures
until the batteries died.
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276. Perfect.
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277. Honey, are you sure?
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278. I'm sure.
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279. It's perfect.
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280. Actually no, that's weird.
We'll stick with the old one.
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