1. IN AN AGE LONG FORGOTTEN,Copy !req
2. LEGEND SPEAKS
OF AN UNSUNG HERO —Copy !req
3. SOME CALL HIM THE COUCH-CRUSHER.Copy !req
4. TO OTHERS, HE'S KNOWN SIMPLY
AS THE ONCOMING WIND.Copy !req
5. BUT TO A SPECIAL FEW,
HE'S KNOWN AS...Copy !req
6. DAD!
DAD! DAD!Copy !req
7. WAKE UP!Copy !req
8. UGH!Copy !req
9. MY ARMS ARE TOO SHORT
TO REACH A NERVE.Copy !req
10. WHY DO WE WANT TO
WAKE HIM UP ANYWAY?Copy !req
11. BECAUSE...
[ POP! ]Copy !req
12. IT'S COMPLETELY UNFAIRCopy !req
13. THAT HE GETS
TO VEG OUT ALL DAYCopy !req
14. WHILE WE HAVE TO GO
TO SCHOOL!Copy !req
15. HMM!Copy !req
16. IF YOU WANT HIM
TO WAKE UP,Copy !req
17. YOU HAVE TO USE
THE MAGIC WORD.Copy !req
18. "PLEASE"?Copy !req
19. NO, "BACON."
YES!Copy !req
20. COME ON, GUYS, YOU'RE GONNA BE
LATE FOR SCHOOL.Copy !req
21. WHY DOES HE GET
TO SIT THERE ALL DAY?Copy !req
22. HE DOESN'T.Copy !req
23. HE HAS A VERY IMPORTANT
LIST OF CHORESCopy !req
24. TO DO WHILE I'M AT WORK.Copy !req
25. "GET MAYO"?Copy !req
26. WHERE'S THE REST
OF THE LIST?Copy !req
27. WELL, I'VE NEVER SEEN HIMCopy !req
28. MAKE IT DOWN TO 2,
SO, EH...Copy !req
29. HEY! IT'S NOT AS EASY
AS IT LOOKS!Copy !req
30. YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M SORRY.Copy !req
31. PLEASE BE CAREFUL,
O FATHER,Copy !req
32. ON THIS DANGEROUS
AND MIGHTY QUEST.Copy !req
33. THANK YOU!Copy !req
34. I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.Copy !req
35. THANK YOU?Copy !req
36. NEVER MIND.Copy !req
37. HMM!Copy !req
38. AND THUS BEGINS
OUR HERO'S QUEST.Copy !req
39. HE SHALL NOT REST
UNTIL HE HAS RETURNEDCopy !req
40. WITH THE SACRED SAUCE.Copy !req
41. OR MAYBE HE SHALL
QUICKLY RESTCopy !req
42. FOR A LITTLE BIT,Copy !req
43. THEN GO ON HIS QUEST
FOR THE SACRED SAUCE!Copy !req
44. LET THE QUEST BEGIN!Copy !req
45. UGH!Copy !req
46. I SHOULD HAVE PUT
THE PANTS ON FIRST.Copy !req
47. OH, FORGET IT!Copy !req
48. COVER YOUR EYES,
MARGARET.Copy !req
49. THE NEIGHBOR'S GOING
TO THE STORE AGAIN.Copy !req
50. ONWARD, CARTAX!Copy !req
51. AND SO OUR HERO
BEGINS HIS JOURNEYCopy !req
52. THROUGH THE PERILOUS KINGDOM
OF ELMORE.Copy !req
53. GO, CARTAX, GO!
YEAH!Copy !req
54. GO! GO!Copy !req
55. AFTER MANY MILES,Copy !req
56. OUR WARRIOR REACHES
THE TERRITORYCopy !req
57. OF THE ORACLE OF SUBURBIA.Copy !req
58. WHAT IS IT, CARTAX?Copy !req
59. YOUR HAZARD LIGHTS ARE ON.Copy !req
60. IS THERE DANGER AHEAD?Copy !req
61. AAGH!
WHO GOES THERE?Copy !req
62. WHERE ARE YOU?Copy !req
63. DOWN HERE.Copy !req
64. TURN BACK OR PERISH!Copy !req
65. YOU QUEST FOR MAYO
IS DOOMED!Copy !req
66. HOW DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT MY QUEST?Copy !req
67. UNDERPANTS
DON'T HAVE POCKETS.Copy !req
68. BUT I CAN ALSO READ YOUR FUTURE,
ROTUND WARRIOR.Copy !req
69. I WILL LET YOU SEE IT —
AT A COST.Copy !req
70. NAME YOUR PRICE,
TROLL THING.Copy !req
71. I KNOW ALMOST EVERYTHING.Copy !req
72. APART FROM THIS —
WHAT DOES "L.O.L." MEAN?Copy !req
73. I KEEP GETTING IT
IN MESSAGESCopy !req
74. AND WANT TO USE IT MYSELF
TO FEEL COOL,Copy !req
75. BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHAT IT MEANS.Copy !req
76. UH, IT MEANS...Copy !req
77. LOTS OF LOVE?Copy !req
78. THANK YOU.Copy !req
79. "DEAR MASTER
OF THE DARK ARTS,Copy !req
80. SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT
YOUR MOTHER, L.O.L."Copy !req
81. NOW KNEEL BEFORE ME!Copy !req
82. MANY OF ELMORE'S
UNEMPLOYED HEROESCopy !req
83. WENT TO THE SUPERMARKET
AND NEVER CAME BACK.Copy !req
84. YOU DON'T MEAN...Copy !req
85. YES, THEY GOT HIRED
AND NOW WORK THERE.Copy !req
86. I DO NOT SCARE SO EASILY,
GOBLIN HEAD!Copy !req
87. FOR I AM
TOTALLY UNEMPLOYABLE!Copy !req
88. THEN MAY THE SPIRITS BE WITH YOU
ON YOUR JOURNEY,Copy !req
89. DESTROYER OF BURGERS.Copy !req
90. MASTER OF THE DARK ARTS.Copy !req
91. UGH, BUMMER.Copy !req
92. IF YOU WISH TO PASS
THE GATES OF OLD,Copy !req
93. YOU MUST FIRST CROSS OUR PALMS
WITH GOLD.Copy !req
94. WHAT?Copy !req
95. WE BE THE TROLLS
OF THIS TOLL BOOTH.Copy !req
96. PAY FOR YOUR PASSAGE
OR LOSE A TOOTH!Copy !req
97. STILL DON'T GET IT.
ARE YOU SPEAKING ENGLISH?Copy !req
98. UGH!
IT'S 25 CENTS TO GO THROUGH.Copy !req
99. WHAT?
ARE YOU HIGHWAY BANDITS?Copy !req
100. TECHNICALLY, WE'RE IN THE
SERVICE OF THE GOVERNMENT,Copy !req
101. BUT, BASICALLY, YES.Copy !req
102. THEN FEEL MY WRATH!Copy !req
103. MY HAND!Copy !req
104. AAGH!
MY EYES!Copy !req
105. GO, CARTAX, GO!Copy !req
106. TOLL PENALTY TICKETS!Copy !req
107. PSYCH!Copy !req
108. OUR WARRIOR
CONTINUED HIS JOURNEYCopy !req
109. THROUGH THE KINGDOM.Copy !req
110. HE ALMOST BROKE HIS WRIST
HONKING TOO MUCHCopy !req
111. IN THE VALLEY
OF CAR-TASTROPHIA.Copy !req
112. HE FOUGHT FOR A LONG TIMECopy !req
113. TO ESCAPE THE DEADLY VORTEX
OF THE DRIVE-THRU WINDOWCopy !req
114. WHERE YOUR WORST ENEMY
IS YOURSELF.Copy !req
115. UNTIL HE MADE IT TO THE DREADED
SWAMPS OF ASPHALT.Copy !req
116. NO!Copy !req
117. WE CANNOT CONTINUE THIS WAY,
CARTAX!Copy !req
118. WE MUST TURN BACK.Copy !req
119. BUT AT LEAST THE TENSIONCopy !req
120. HASN'T BEEN ARTIFICIALLY
HEIGHTENEDCopy !req
121. BY HAVING THAT PRECARIOUSLY
BALANCED TREECopy !req
122. FALL AND BLOCK OUR WAY.Copy !req
123. NO!Copy !req
124. THE TENSION HAS HEIGHTENEDCopy !req
125. NOW THAT THAT PRECARIOUSLY
BALANCED TREECopy !req
126. HAS FALLEN
AND BLOCKED OUR WAY!Copy !req