The Amanda Show 3x9

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Amanda loses the lower half of her body, so Kathy decides to go find it, because Amanda doesn't have legs. A Grown Up Remote is advertised. We get a glimpse of Hawaii gone bad in When Hula-Girls Attack. Who will be the next special guest to soak up the bubbles in Amanda's Jacuzzi? We also meet The Impostors, a family who have trouble telling the truth of their identity. Time for another Hillbilly Moment with Eenis and Lula-Mae. Then, another encounter with Penelope Taint and the security guard, fighting over a piece of shrimp. The shrimp slips away, where Drake and Josh battle over one piece of shrimp. And now, we have time for just one last prank call to Mr. Oldman.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Hey, Josh, when's your birthday?

2. November 10th.

3. Why?

4. I'm gonna read you your horoscope.

5. Nah, I don't believe in all that urology stuff.

6. Astrology.

7. Now, let's see, you're a Scorpio, so... Here we go.

8. It says...

9. A very good friend of yours will be grabbed by sailors, stuffed into a blue

10. trash can, screamed at, hit with a lamp, and when your friend comes out,

11. he'll be wearing a frilly pink dress.

12. Okay, that might be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.

13. Did you see that?

14. Wait, wait.

15. It said he'd be hit with a lamp.

16. He wasn't hit with a lamp.

17. Amanda and I enjoy red meat!

18. Okay, now, before we officially start the show,

19. does anybody have a question they'd like to ask?

20. You!

21. Yeah, Amanda, what happened to the lower half of your body?

22. Man, it escaped again.

23. Kathy, have you seen the lower half of my body?

24. Yeah, I got it, Amanda.

25. Why does it keep running away?

26. It hates those pants.

27. Would you mind reassembling me?

28. Sure, no problem.

29. Thanks.

30. This'll just take a sec.

31. Okay.

32. There.

33. Thanks.

34. Okay, stick around.

35. We'll be back in a second to do stuff.

36. Kids!

37. No TV till you finish your chores.

38. But I don't want to do chores.

39. Don't make me come over there.

40. How'd you do that?

41. I just pressed pause on my grown-up remote.

42. Grown-up remote?

43. What you talking about?

44. The grown-up remote is the universal remote that lets you control any grown-up.

45. Now rewind!

46. Let's get out of here!

47. Stay.

48. It works on moms!

49. Kids, I just saw your report cards and I have a few things to say.

50. Now, I'm sure that you know that I...

51. think that you really need to pay more attention in school.

52. Otherwise, I'm going to send you to the man next door.

53. Now do you understand what I'm saying?

54. You know, he's been asking about you.

55. I think he'd like to take you and you and you would like

56. to tie you up and put you in the basement, wouldn't he?

57. Now do you understand what I'm saying?

58. We sure do!

59. It even works on teachers!

60. They realize that the bill of rights, when divided by the square root of the

61. dangling participle, can be combined with sulfur dioxide, which...

62. Yeah!

63. Grown-up remote comes with grown-up controlling universal remote and batteries.

64. Grown-ups not included.

65. Hello, I'm Amanda.

66. You may know me as Bucky McBuck-Buck, the world's most ticklish pony.

67. There's yet another tragedy sweeping our nation

68. that I feel deserves our special attention.

69. The sad truth is, very few people know what to do... when hula girls attack!

70. We're all familiar with sunny and beautiful Hawaii, with its coconuts,

71. palm trees, and their state fish, the Puka Puka Nipsey Bass.

72. But this tropical paradise is also a breeding ground

73. for the most dangerous of all dancers, hula girls.

74. You've heard about these horrifying attacks, but now, caught on videotape,

75. you're about to actually witness some of these

76. actual events, just as they actually happened.

77. As you can see, band practice was marching

78. along just fine at Luz Air Junior High School.

79. Now watch closely.

80. You see the hula girls approach from out of nowhere, and after

81. a moment of Hawaiian hip swiveling, the hula girls attack!

82. What a terrible thing to witness.

83. So let's look at it again, in slow motion.

84. The young musicians never had a chance.

85. They didn't see the hula girls until they attacked!

86. They punctured my drum!

87. They bent my horn!

88. I'll never play an instrument again.

89. What the hell!

90. Those poor, pitiful nerds.

91. And if you think that was bad, take a look at what

92. happened at this year's national weightlifting competition.

93. Watch carefully as the weightlifter goes for the gold medal.

94. He starts to lift the enormous weight, but watch what happens.

95. The weightlifter's about to say aloha to some Hawaiian hooligans.

96. The hula girls attack!

97. Even the strongest man on the planet is no match for these Polynesian pitbulls.

98. It sickens me to witness something so brutal and senseless.

99. So let's watch it again, in slow motion.

100. The hapless weightlifter never expected to be mauled by

101. a pack of deranged hula demons in pretty grass skirts.

102. I was about to win the gold medal, you know, by lifting

103. a heavy thing, when I was attacked by hula girls.

104. They kicked, they punched, they swiveled.

105. I mean, the grass skirts were pretty and all, but

106. that doesn't take away the pain and the embarrassment.

107. Man, I'm stupid.

108. He certainly is.

109. If you witness an attack by hula girls, please call our emergency hotline.

110. 1-500-I-Just-Saw-Some-Hula-Girls-Attack-Some-Person-So- Now-I'm-Calling-This-500-Number-To-Report-What-I-Saw.

111. Thank you.

112. Please tune in next week, when we will be dis... Hey, it's Bucky McBuckbuck!

113. It's Amanda's Jacuzzi.

114. Hi, welcome to my jacuzzi.

115. Today, my special guest is King Henry VIII.

116. So, you're King Henry VIII?

117. I am, I am.

118. And you were married, like, eight times?

119. More or less, yeah.

120. Interesting.

121. Now, is it also true that you have a family of Norwegians living in your pants?

122. Could be.

123. I see.

124. Well, Certainly.

125. That was Amanda's Jacuzzi.

126. Yo, yo, yo.

127. Bye-bye!

128. Smash her up good, son.

129. Will do, Dad.

130. I'll get it.

131. Can I help you?

132. Yes, ma'am.

133. We're repairmen.

134. Here to fix your, your refrigerator.

135. But our refrigerator's working just fine.

136. Afraid not, ma'am.

137. It's, yeah, broken.

138. What's going on here?

139. Well, they say that our refrigerator's broken.

140. Yes, sir.

141. It says right here on this clipboard.

142. Well, yes, but... Honey, honey, clipboards don't lie.

143. Come on in.

144. Dad, I really don't think there's a problem with our refrigerator.

145. Son, they have a clipboard.

146. Folks, you might want to step into the other room.

147. This could be dangerous.

148. Whatever you say.

149. Don't you guys need tools or something?

150. Son, please do not tell us how to do our job.

151. It sickens us.

152. Sorry.

153. It looks like this pizza could be the problem.

154. Yeah.

155. You might have to do an old, chew test on that there.

156. Good thinking.

157. Yeah.

158. That's nice.

159. Could you hand me the pudding?

160. Yeah, I just have to, check the, temperature of the pudding here,

161. compared to the Fahrenheit factor of the free, next to it.

162. Mom, they're eating all our food!

163. Now, son... Now, wait a minute.

164. Say... They are eating our food.

165. Well, that's not right.

166. I told you!

167. You know, I don't think you guys are repairmen at all.

168. Of all the nerve.

169. Let's just get back to our game.

170. Okay.

171. Yes?

172. Afternoon, ma'am.

173. We're firemen.

174. Here to check your, your smoke thingies.

175. Well, come right in.

176. Dad?

177. Yeah?

178. Don't they look just like those people who just came in here and ate our food?

179. Son, those were repairmen.

180. These are firemen.

181. What's the matter with you?

182. We-we have a smoke alarm right here.

183. Yes, ma'am, we prefer to start in the kitchen right here, ma'am.

184. Yeah.

185. The kitchen?

186. Little-known fact.

187. Most fires start right here in the refrigerator.

188. Hey!

189. Hey, they're doing it again!

190. Say!

191. Hey, what are you doing there?

192. I

193. wonder who that could be.

194. Hi!

195. Hello.

196. We're astronauts.

197. Here to, check your, Gravity!

198. Yeah, your gravity, ma'am.

199. Well, come right in.

200. Listen, honey.

201. It was just some astronauts.

202. Checking our gravity.

203. Great.

204. It's the same people!

205. Say now.

206. Jeez!

207. This is ridiculous!

208. They're back.

209. I'll handle this.

210. Hi.

211. We're policemen.

212. We're warning everybody about a couple of characters...

213. Look, we have had just about enough out of you two.

214. Now just get on out!

215. Hey, take your hands off me!

216. That's it!

217. Y'all are coming out to help!

218. Vampires!

219. Yeah, here to, ump your fridge.

220. It's time for a hillbilly moment!

221. No, no, no, no!

222. Who's there?

223. Endangered species!

224. Endangered species who?

225. I wanna hit you in the head with an endangered species!

226. That's good!

227. All Amanda Show cast to stage.

228. All Amanda Show cast to stage.

229. Hey, Barney.

230. Hey, Kathy.

231. Here you go, shrimp cocktail.

232. Yeah, that's pretty.

233. Enjoy.

234. Thanks.

235. Hey, hey!

236. Phone!

237. You!

238. Unlock these handcuffs!

239. I will.

240. As soon as you tell me exactly where I can find Amanda, please!

241. I'm a security guard.

242. I took an oath.

243. I can't tell you where Amanda is.

244. Well, since you won't tell me, then I guess I'll just enjoy a little dinner.

245. No!

246. Drop that shrimp!

247. I will.

248. Down my gullet, please!

249. No!

250. You know, I'm still hungry.

251. Are you sure you don't wanna tell me where Amanda is?

252. I... I... I will not!

253. Very well.

254. No!

255. No!

256. My babies!

257. Only two left.

258. Don't do this.

259. Tell me where Amanda is, please.

260. Tell!

261. I can't!

262. Then bye-bye, sweet shrimp!

263. No!

264. Then there was one.

265. I need it.

266. I brought it.

267. Please!

268. Tell me!

269. I can't!

270. Do it!

271. No!

272. But it's so good!

273. Give it to me!

274. Where's Amanda, please?

275. Don't spit!

276. Force me to do this, please!

277. Hey, shrimp!

278. I want it!

279. No, I want it!

280. Give it!

281. Hey!

282. No!

283. I want it!

284. Give it!

285. Let me have it!

286. Let go!

287. I enjoy shellfish!

288. I want the shrimp!

289. I will give you that!

290. Let go of the shrimp!

291. Let go!

292. There's nothing to see here!

293. I'll give you that!

294. Let go of the shrimp!

295. Let go of the shrimp!

296. Children are a waste of internal organs!

297. I hear you ringing!

298. Hello?

299. I can't get the phone!

300. Hello?

301. I'm trying to answer the phone, but I can't get the... I'm trying to get.

302. I've answered the phone, but nobody seems to be on the other end of it.

303. Hello?

304. You have the wrong...

305. This is such a fun show, and I'm bummed that it's almost over, but...

306. Excuse me, that's the director.

307. Yeah, Dan?

308. It looks like we got a little speck on camera two's lens.

309. Do you see that?

310. That right there?

311. Yeah.

312. Can you get it off?

313. Yeah, I think so.

314. Hang on.

315. No, it's still there.

316. Hey, what's going on?

317. There's a speck on the lens.

318. Where?

319. Right there.

320. I can get that off here.

321. Nice work.

322. Amanda, we're running out of time.

323. I'm sorry, we're working on it.

324. Okay.

325. Hey, what's everybody looking at?

326. We can't get the speck off the lens.

327. Hey, you know what?

328. I have this hammer and chisel.

329. Well, that might work.

330. Try that.

331. Okay.

332. That's a serious speck.

333. Yeah.

334. Amanda, I gotta roll credits.

335. All right.

336. Hey, guys.

337. Hey, Barn.

338. Hi.

339. Why is everybody staring into the camera?

340. There's a speck on the lens.

341. Yeah, we can't get it off.

342. That doesn't interest me.

343. I'm gonna go take a bath.

344. He's right, this is lame.

345. Hey, Barney, wait up.

346. I don't know.

347. I guess the show's pretty much over.

348. Yeah, right.

349. Okay, see you, Amanda.

350. Bye, Nancy.

351. Amanda, please.