The Amanda Show 2x9

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Today Amanda is searching for someone to open Josh's bag of crisps, but there's a painful moment when she feels a little unwell and needs some medical advice. There's a commercial message for the Little Crazy Hatman, and we go shopping at Cookie Dooper. Then, some serious factual documentary programming, Penelope swaps clothes with Barney, and Kyle talks about his cousin in Jersey - until he realises that he has no cousin in Jersey. And finally, Penelope gets to meet Amanda at long last - but is it really Amanda, or just an incredible simulation?

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Here, let me do it.

2. Alright.

3. Yes.

4. Why is life so cruel to me?

5. What's the matter?

6. This bag mocks me!

7. You're upset with the bag of potato chips?

8. No, I'm upset because I can't open the bag.

9. Here, give me.

10. Here, let a real man do it.

11. So, do you know any real men?

12. This bag is possessed.

13. Great!

14. Now what do I do?

15. Here, give me.

16. Where are you going?

17. Wait here, I'll get this bag open.

18. She is some girl.

19. You too.

20. Did

21. you get the chips open?

22. Yes, the little girl opened it.

23. Thank you, little girl.

24. I'm just a squirrel.

25. Man, I've had this pain in my side all day.

26. Don't worry, Amanda, I'm a doctor.

27. Hold on.

28. Hang on.

29. Look out, doctor coming through.

30. Excuse me.

31. Pardon me.

32. Alright.

33. Now.

34. Where does it hurt?

35. Right here.

36. Yeah, that's probably your appendix.

37. We better take that out.

38. Boys!

39. Just hop right on up here.

40. You're gonna take my appendix out right now?

41. Sooner the better.

42. Right there.

43. Scalpel.

44. Let's have a look.

45. Okay.

46. Yeah.

47. Okay.

48. There's your appendix.

49. Feel any better?

50. No, I still got a little pain in my side.

51. Really?

52. Let's have another look.

53. Yeah.

54. I, I think I see what the problem is.

55. Yeah, you got a bunny in there.

56. Lucky bunny, I wondered where you went.

57. Thanks, doc.

58. Amanda?

59. Yeah?

60. I'm not really a doctor.

61. You're not really a doctor and you just operated on me?

62. Yeah, I know.

63. Well, stick around, I'll be back in a second to do the stuff.

64. Come on, we're gonna be late for class.

65. I can't go to class.

66. Bevan will be there and I have this hairy mole.

67. Gross.

68. I've tried creams, ointments, cover-ups, nothing works.

69. Then what you need is Little Crazy Hat Man.

70. Little Crazy Hat Man?

71. What's that?

72. Put it on.

73. Now what?

74. Just look.

75. Hey, don't look at her hairy mole, look at me.

76. It works!

77. There's a man in my hairy mole when you've got an insane man in your hat.

78. That's right!

79. Let's go test it.

80. Hi, Bevan.

81. Wanna go to a movie this weekend?

82. I don't know.

83. Hey dude, don't look at her face, look at me.

84. I was so distracted by that man in your hat,

85. I completely forgot about your disgusting mole.

86. So is it a date?

87. Say yes!

88. Say yes!

89. It's a date.

90. Thanks, Little Crazy Hat Man.

91. Yeah, whatever!

92. Little Crazy Hat Man!

93. I'm crazy and I'm in your hat!

94. Hi there.

95. Welcome to Cookie Doober.

96. Would you like to try one of our delicious cookies?

97. Didn't you people previously sell sushi?

98. We realized sushi wasn't our thing.

99. Now we sell cookies.

100. We're cookie people!

101. We're not allowed to have cookies in the clinic.

102. What kind of cookies do you have?

103. Well, you could try one of our electric zaps.

104. Doorite!

105. I enjoy this electric zap cookie.

106. It's made with real electricity!

107. Over 7,000 volts!

108. Electricity?

109. Isn't that dangerous?

110. We're not sure.

111. But if I swallow an electric cookie, doesn't that mean...

112. Good!

113. They're... they're explosive!

114. Now that's a happy customer!

115. You people are loony cuckoo!

116. I'm going back to the clinic!

117. I liked it!

118. Did you see how he just lit up?

119. See how I'm eating with sugar and sugar and sugar and sugar and sugar?

120. Well, these cookies have sugar.

121. And scabs!

122. Scabs!

123. From real sores!

124. Need more scabs?

125. Not now, Grandpa!

126. You're a failure!

127. I don't want any cookies with Grandpa scabs in them.

128. Why don't you show her today's special cookie, pumpkin?

129. Okay!

130. Here, try one of these.

131. They're called Oatmeal Del Fuego.

132. Fuego?

133. Eat it!

134. Y-yes, sir.

135. That's a lot!

136. That's because it has sugar, raisins... And five gallons of hot sauce!

137. Hot sauce?

138. Real hot!

139. I don't think she liked her cookie very much.

140. It's okay, baby.

141. Cookies aren't really children's food.

142. I can't feel my legs!

143. Not now, Grandpa!

144. Failure!

145. You must help me.

146. I was selling cookies and some bad boys stole them.

147. That's okay.

148. We have plenty of cookies.

149. Bless you.

150. Here, try one of our Wiggle Wafers.

151. Wiggle Wafers are good!

152. Well...

153. This is delicious!

154. But what are the things that look like worms?

155. Worms!

156. Worms?

157. Bad Tiki!

158. Look!

159. Here!

160. You'll love these!

161. Scout's Honor!

162. Well... since you said Scout's Honor...

163. This is scrumptious!

164. What kind is this?

165. Refrigerator Crunch.

166. Why do you call it Refrigerator Crunch?

167. We are cookie people!

168. Looks that way, baby!

169. Looks that way!

170. I broke a nail!

171. And my head is bleeding!

172. Yeah!

173. We're out!

174. Good evening.

175. I'm Amanda.

176. You may know me as Fish Daddy, the Hip Hop Halibut.

177. Tonight, we're going to discuss a tragedy that's sweeping our nation.

178. The truth is, very few people know what to do... when Bradys attack.

179. Now, we're all familiar with the popular TV show, The Brady Bunch.

180. As you can see, on television, they're a happy, carefree American family.

181. But in real life, it's a very different story.

182. You may have heard about these horrifying attacks by the Brady Bunch.

183. But now, caught on videotape, you're about to actually witness some of these actual

184. events... just as they actually happen.

185. Here you see a delivery man from the Chinese restaurant Casa del Tokio.

186. He was just trying to deliver some food when the Bradys attacked.

187. Watch.

188. Truly horrible.

189. Now let's watch that attack again in slow motion.

190. The poor Chinese delivery man didn't have a chance.

191. He never saw the Brady Bunch until they attacked.

192. I was just trying to deliver the Chinese food.

193. But before I knew what happened, the Brady Bunch, they attacked me.

194. It was horrible.

195. Pork fried rice went everywhere.

196. They knocked me down.

197. Stomped on the snow pea beef.

198. And look what they did to the egg roll.

199. How dare you, Brady Bunch.

200. Look at this moo-shoe.

201. Moo-shoe, moo-shoe, moo-shoe.

202. Moo-shoe, moo-shoe, moo-shoe.

203. Hard to understand.

204. But the Brady Bunch didn't stop there.

205. Three weeks later, a mother driving her two sons

206. home from baseball practice met a similar fate.

207. Let's take a look.

208. Watch this silver car on the right side of your screen.

209. Now get ready for a very Brady beating.

210. So disturbing.

211. Now let's watch the Brady Bunch attack again in slow motion.

212. They were just driving along, minding their own business, when the Bradys went berserk.

213. I had just picked up my sons, John and Andy, from baseball practice.

214. I play first base.

215. I give out water to the other boys.

216. Andy's not good at things.

217. Anyway, we were about halfway home, just driving along, when... when...

218. The Brady Bunch attacked us.

219. They hurt us bad.

220. I kept begging for them to stop, but they just kept attacking.

221. Cindy pulled my hair.

222. Jan and Marcia spanked me.

223. I thought we were spanking out.

224. Why would the Brady Bunch do this to us?

225. Where were their parents?

226. Or Alice.

227. I used to think Marcia was hot, until she mauled me.

228. Bad Brady's bad.

229. Terrible Brady's so horrible.

230. I hate you.

231. Those poor, poor victims.

232. Forever scarred from a Brady bruising.

233. If you witness an attack by the Brady Bunch, please call our emergency hotline.

234. 1-500-I-Just-Saw-The-Brady-Bunch-Attack-Some-Person-S o-Now-I'm-Calling-This-Number-To-Report-What-I-Saw.

235. Thank you.

236. Please tune in next week, when we will be dis...

237. Feet on, feet on, feet on, feet on,

238. feet on, feet on, feet on.

239. We're gonna kick your butt tonight.

240. Amanda, please.

241. Hey, you, girlie.

242. I got you this time.

243. All right, you, come here.

244. Please.

245. What's with the... I, don't want to talk about it.

246. All right.

247. There she is.

248. Get that girl.

249. Hey.

250. Hey, fellas, no.

251. No, I'm not the girl.

252. No, Amanda, help.

253. one time, I went to visit my cousin in New Jersey, and I went to his, like,

254. house, and, you know, rang the doorbell, and he opened the door, and he was all,

255. go away, and, like, stop ringing my doorbell.

256. So I, like, called my mom and told her about my cousin yelling things at me in

257. New Jersey, and she was all, you don't have a cousin in New Jersey.

258. I have to tinkle.

259. That was totally...

260. Okay, now, since we have a few minutes left, I thought we'd

261. let the studio audience write down some questions for me.

262. Jim?

263. Okay, let's read the questions.

264. Amanda, can I please borrow $4,000?

265. Okay, next question.

266. Amanda, have you ever met another girl who looks exactly like you?

267. Hey, you know, that's a cool idea.

268. Let's have a contest.

269. Any girls in the audience who think they look like me, come on up here.

270. What was she doing?

271. I caught her up on the roof with this.

272. She was trying to saw a hole over Amanda's dressing room.

273. And I would have succeeded if you hadn't interfered, please.

274. Now, where's Amanda?

275. I must meet Amanda.

276. She's on the stage.

277. And what were you doing with this remote control in your pocket?

278. That item belongs to me, please.

279. What is it for?

280. If you hand it to me, perhaps I'll show you.

281. Thank you, please.

282. Now, watch closely and say, nighty-night.

283. Nighty-night.

284. Why would we want to say that?

285. I hope you've enjoyed this demonstration.

286. Now I must get to the stage and finally meet Amanda.

287. Sweet dreams, lemmings.

288. Amanda?

289. No.

290. Amanda?

291. Sorry.

292. Why tease me?

293. Grr!

294. Amanda?

295. Grr, please!

296. Amanda?

297. Amanda?

298. Amanda?

299. There she is!

300. Get her!

301. Why repossess my body?

302. Handle with care!

303. Well,

304. it looks like we have a winner.

305. What do you think?

306. Okay,

307. well, I'm going to take these girls out for dinner.

308. You want to stay in?

309. Sure.

310. Okay, that's our show.

311. I'm going to go squeeze an elephant.

312. See ya!