The Amanda Show 2x16

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The world's greatest ventriloquist is coming on the show today, and Penelope senses a chance to get closer to Amanda. Meanwhile, Amanda's show open is interrupted by a man speaking Italian but what is he saying? There's a special report on the danger of When School Mascots Attack, and today Amanda's special guest in the Jacuzzi is Moses. We pay a visit to The Lucklesses, a family who always seem to have the worst luck, plus there's time for a Hillbilly Moment, and Kyle talks about a string breaking on his guitar.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. All right, everyone, please have your Amanda Show tickets ready for me.

2. Please.

3. Thank you.

4. Your ticket, please.

5. Thank you.

6. Your ticket.

7. Thank you very much.

8. Thank you.

9. Your ticket.

10. Thank you very much.

11. Thank you.

12. One at a time.

13. See who's getting a limo?

14. Princess, over here.

15. Princess!

16. Amanda?

17. No!

18. It's Princess Whiff and Sir Chadsalot!

19. Hey,

20. nobody gets in here without a ticket.

21. All right?

22. See this badge?

23. That means that I am in charge.

24. And nothing gets past me.

25. All right?

26. You hear what I'm saying?

27. You got it?

28. Where's the bee?

29. Nanu nanu?

30. Sit on it!

31. 23 skidoo!

32. That's a summer species spicy meatball.

33. You look marvelous.

34. What you talking about, Willis?

35. Takes a lickin', keeps on tickin'.

36. I owe silver.

37. I've been a bad boy.

38. Nanomite!

39. Wassup!

40. Are you the world's greatest ventriloquist, Princess Whiff?

41. It's not Willis.

42. It's Whiff.

43. Whatever.

44. I understand that you'll be performing tonight on the Amanda Show?

45. That's right.

46. And who are you?

47. I'm Barney Schlaven with, Security, please.

48. May I show you to your dressing room?

49. Suddenly.

50. Which way?

51. This ho-way.

52. Okay, I'm gonna tell you this really funny story.

53. The other day, I was shopping at the mall with my... Sto per scopiare.

54. Excuse me?

55. Sto per scopiare.

56. I'm sorry, but I don't know what you're saying.

57. You're from Italy?

58. Certo, Italia.

59. I'm sorry, but I don't speak Italian.

60. Amanda?

61. My wife speaks Italian.

62. Great!

63. You want to come up here?

64. Thanks for helping out.

65. You want to translate what this man is saying?

66. Do you want to help me translate here?

67. Hello?

68. Amanda, my wife only speaks Italian.

69. No English.

70. Amanda, I speak both English and Italian.

71. Great.

72. Come on up here.

73. So you want to translate for me?

74. Sure.

75. Thanks.

76. Ora, che cosa voleva dire?

77. Sto per scopiare.

78. He says he's about to explode.

79. He's about to explode.

80. Stick around.

81. I'll be back in a second to do stuff.

82. I

83. can't go to class.

84. Bevan will be there, and I have this hairy mole.

85. Gross!

86. I've tried creams, ointments, cover-ups.

87. Nothing works.

88. Then what you need is...

89. Little Crazy Hat Man.

90. Little Crazy Hat Man?

91. What's that?

92. Put it on.

93. Now what?

94. Just look.

95. Hey!

96. Don't look at her, hairy mole!

97. Look at me!

98. Hairy mole?

99. When you've got an insane man in your hat?

100. That's right!

101. Let's go test it.

102. Hi, Bevan.

103. Want to go to a movie this weekend?

104. I don't know.

105. Hey, dude!

106. Don't look at her face!

107. Look at me!

108. I was so distracted by that man in your hat, I

109. completely forgot about your disgusting mole.

110. So, is it a date?

111. Say yes!

112. Say yes!

113. It's a date!

114. Thanks, Little Crazy Hat Man!

115. Yeah!

116. Whatever!

117. Crazy Hat Man!

118. I'm crazy and I'm in your hat!

119. Good evening.

120. I'm Amanda.

121. You may know me as Graptor, the 12-foot tall gorilla warrior.

122. There's a tragedy sweeping our nation that deserves our attention.

123. The sad truth is, very few people know what to do when school mascots attack!

124. We're all familiar with high school mascots.

125. On the field, they're the limber, peppy, furry crusaders of school spirit.

126. But after the game, these mascots can turn ugly.

127. We've all heard about these horrifying attacks.

128. But now, caught on videotape, you're about to actually witness

129. one of these actual events, just as it actually happened.

130. Notice the bride and groom staring lovingly into each other's eyes.

131. Now, keep your eye on the left side of your screen.

132. Here come the mascots.

133. They attack the couple and give them a mascot molly.

134. Horrible to watch, so let's look at it again in slow motion.

135. The poor couple didn't have a chance.

136. They never saw the mascots... until they attacked!

137. There I was, finally getting married when these mascots attacked!

138. I haven't seen my man since!

139. So, please, if there's any man out there, any, any man at all, he's very flexible.

140. That poor, unappealing woman.

141. Now let's take a look at what happened to a couple of Boy Scouts on a camping trip.

142. Watch the tent.

143. You see the Boy Scout come out to greet the new morning.

144. So happy.

145. Until... he's attacked by mascots!

146. He tries to get away, but the mascots are too fast and too vicious.

147. Too bad they don't give merit badges for bruises.

148. It turns my stomach to see a beating like that.

149. So let's take another look at it in slow motion.

150. The poor scouts were no match for three fuzzy, deranged mascots.

151. I had just woken up.

152. He snores.

153. Timmy!

154. Sad.

155. Anyway, I was looking forward to a day of scouting, when one...

156. Hey, it's okay to cry.

157. But all the scouts... The mascots attacked us!

158. They slapped my thighs!

159. The beaver bit me!

160. They dented my canteen!

161. They called us dorks!

162. Baby, we are dorks!

163. Don't say that.

164. They don't let dorks be scouts.

165. Baby!

166. They do!

167. I'm going to be downgraded to weeblah!

168. Poor, poor dorks.

169. If you witness an attack by school mascots, please call our emergency hotline.

170. 1-500-I-Just-Saw-Some-Mascots-Attack-Someone-So - I'm-Calling-This-Number-To-Report-What-I-Saw.

171. Thank you.

172. Please tune in next week.

173. It's Amanda's Jacuzzi.

174. Welcome to my jacuzzi.

175. Today, my special guest is Moses.

176. So, Moses, you're, like, really old, yeah?

177. Indeed.

178. I was born thousands of years ago.

179. And, have you always had that beard?

180. As long as I can remember.

181. Interesting.

182. Now, is it also true that you can put both of

183. your feet inside your mouth at the same time?

184. I don't know.

185. Yes, I'd like that.

186. That was Amanda's Jacuzzi.

187. Yo, yo, yo.

188. Bye-bye.

189. Quack, quack.

190. Okay, your turn, Dad.

191. All righty.

192. Take a card.

193. Well, let's see what it says.

194. We all lose.

195. I better shut the window.

196. Sounds like a bad thunderstorm.

197. And Mindy's still out there selling cookies.

198. I hope she doesn't get struck by lightning.

199. Come on, son.

200. The chances of getting struck by lightning are, like, one in a million.

201. I actually got struck by lightning.

202. What are the odds of that?

203. Well, like you said, the odds of getting

204. struck by lightning are one in a... million.

205. Man, lightning hurts.

206. Bad.

207. Mom, Mom, I think dinner's burning.

208. No, no.

209. That's just me, son.

210. Mindy!

211. What happened?

212. Are you all right?

213. You're never gonna believe what happened.

214. You were struck by lightning?

215. Four times.

216. But did you sell any cookies?

217. Yeah, I sold 12 boxes.

218. Look at all the money I made for my troops.

219. Awesome.

220. Look at that.

221. All right, this is a robbery.

222. I gotta go.

223. Man.

224. Sure was some bad luck.

225. Well, at least he didn't hurt us.

226. Yeah.

227. Gosh, that hurt.

228. Hey, look, they're about to announce the winning lottery numbers on TV.

229. Come on.

230. Let's see.

231. And the winning lottery numbers are... 10!

232. Yes!

233. 25!

234. I don't believe it!

235. 46!

236. Come on, one more!

237. One number to go?

238. I really think we're gonna win.

239. Come on, 11!

240. And the final winning number is...

241. 11!

242. The dog just snatched our winning lottery ticket.

243. Right out of my hand.

244. And we don't even have a dog.

245. What are the odds of that?

246. Dog!

247. Here, dog!

248. Doggy!

249. Are you okay, baby?

250. No.

251. I think that's gonna cause some permanent damage.

252. I'll get it!

253. Hi.

254. Are you Mindy Luckless?

255. Yes.

256. Did this man just rob you?

257. Yes, he did.

258. Well, don't worry about it, because I just captured him and I'm gonna...

259. Dog!

260. He escaped!

261. What are the odds of that?

262. Well, at least we got your money back.

263. Now, don't be upset.

264. The important thing is nobody got hurt.

265. That's right.

266. That was some bad luck.

267. Okay, see ya.

268. That was unlikely.

269. Sure was.

270. Why don't we all relax and watch some TV?

271. Good thinking.

272. That sounds reasonable.

273. This just in.

274. An asteroid is heading toward the planet Earth.

275. An asteroid?

276. No!

277. But don't be concerned.

278. The chances of the asteroid hitting your home are over 5 billion to 1.

279. Did you hear that?

280. The chances of that asteroid hitting our home are over 5 billion to 1.

281. Okay.

282. Yeah.

283. I didn't see that one coming.

284. Sure, I'll stay.

285. What are the odds of this?

286. It's time for a heel beating!

287. Who's there?

288. Ballin' ball!

289. Ballin' ball who?

290. I'm gonna hit you in the head with a ballin' ball.

291. That's good.

292. Yep.

293. Excuse me, miss.

294. Yes, please.

295. How soon before I go on?

296. Soon enough.

297. Well, do I have time for a rehearsal?

298. Whatever, whiff.

299. Excellent.

300. This is my dear friend, the noble Sir Chatsalot.

301. Isn't that true, Sir Chatsalot?

302. It is true, Lady Whiff.

303. And are you so excited about performing on the stage?

304. We're doing the Amanda show tonight.

305. Indeed.

306. I hear we're to be introduced by Amanda herself.

307. Wait!

308. You and your puppet are going to be introduced by Amanda?

309. Well, of course.

310. Please don't refer to Sir Chatsalot as a puppet.

311. You prefer to be known as Little Wooden Amanda.

312. Yeah, sure, please.

313. Hey, Whiff, look over there.

314. What?

315. Where?

316. What?

317. I don't see anything.

318. Chatsy!

319. What happened?

320. Chatsy!

321. One time, I was, like, playing a song on my guitar.

322. This one.

323. And then, like, a string broke.

324. So there were only, like, five strings left.

325. That weren't broke on my guitar, but one was still broke.

326. So I tickled my sister.

327. That was totally Kyle!

328. Totally!

329. Children are the opposite of good!

330. Hello!

331. Hello!

332. Please pick up your dog.

333. But I don't have a dog!

334. Pick up your dog!

335. Dog!

336. Good.

337. Now ask the dog to marry you.

338. But we just met!

339. Ask the dog to marry you!

340. I don't want to ask the dog to... Will you marry me?

341. Who?

342. He says yes!

343. I now pronounce you dog and husband.

344. You do?

345. You may kiss the dog.

346. I'd rather not.

347. Kiss it!

348. Alright!

349. There, I've done it!

350. I've kissed the dog!

351. But I think you've got the...

352. The bride has fleas!

353. Hello!

354. Where did this dog come from?

355. Yes, dear!

356. I mean, yes, dear!

357. I mean, yes, dear, dear!

358. I'm on the phone!

359. Hello!

360. I'm so glad you guys are such a great audience, because you're about to be

361. entertained by the world's greatest ventriloquist!

362. Chatsy!

363. I loved him!

364. My life is ruined!

365. Princess Whip!

366. Princess Whip!

367. Whip!

368. Whatever!

369. You're on in one minute!

370. But I... No buts!

371. Amanda's just about to introduce you!

372. But I do!

373. I do have a suggestion.

374. Please.

375. So here we go!

376. Let's give a warm welcome to the world's greatest ventriloquist!

377. Princess Whip and her noble friend, Sir Chatsalot!

378. Sir Chatsalot!

379. How are you this fine evening?

380. Take me to meet Amanda!

381. But Sir Chatsalot, don't you want to discuss dragons and whatnot?

382. Quiet, Whip!

383. I must meet Amanda!

384. Chatsalot!

385. Where's Amanda, please?

386. Ruining everything!

387. Stop speaking!

388. Amanda!

389. Be quiet!

390. You!

391. That's it!

392. Defend myself!

393. Bring it, Whip!

394. Whip!

395. Okay, well that's our show!

396. I gotta go get my parents!

397. Hey, hands off!

398. Amanda, please!