1. Got to blast!Copy !req
2. Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEONCopy !req
3. Heavens to
Harvey Fierstein!Copy !req
4. This isn't
the Pomona bypass.Copy !req
5. Willoughby, you dink!Copy !req
6. I told you turn left
a the Pants Outlet!Copy !req
7. I'm frightened and nauseated.Copy !req
8. Where are we?Copy !req
9. We're in hyperspace,Copy !req
10. where no teacher
has gone before.Copy !req
11. I've got a good idea
who's responsible for this!Copy !req
12. Friends, students, kids:
lend me your ears!Copy !req
13. You may have noticedCopy !req
14. that Miss Fowl isn't here
this morning.Copy !req
15. Shouldn't they have returned
from Learnerpalooza by now?Copy !req
16. Thanks to my new hyper-chip,Copy !req
17. none of our teachers
will be back for an entire week.Copy !req
18. Let's watch llama videos!Copy !req
19. Let's party!Copy !req
20. Festival! Festival!Copy !req
21. Neutron, what did you do
to our teachers?Copy !req
22. All I did was send themCopy !req
23. on a little side trip
through hyperspace.Copy !req
24. They'll be back in a week,
safe and sound.Copy !req
25. Spread the word, people—
school's out!Copy !req
26. I'm king of the world!Copy !req
27. Coming through! Watch it!Copy !req
28. Hey, what's wrong
with my rocket board?Copy !req
29. Mom?Copy !req
30. You are so grounded,
mister!Copy !req
31. She's right, Jimbo.Copy !req
32. I'm afraid your
senseless reign
of carnage is over.Copy !req
33. Hi, Jimmy.Copy !req
34. You said to spread the word,
so I told our parents.Copy !req
35. Aw!Copy !req
36. You bring your teachers back
this instant!Copy !req
37. I-I can't!Copy !req
38. They're programmed
to come back in a week.Copy !req
39. Then we will have to
round these children
up ourselves.Copy !req
40. Kids! Oh, kids?Copy !req
41. Allow me, hon.Copy !req
42. Quiet...!Copy !req
43. Children—Copy !req
44. please go to your classrooms.Copy !req
45. Until Miss Fowl
and the others return,Copy !req
46. we parents will be filling in
as substitute teachers.Copy !req
47. Substitute teachers?Copy !req
48. Good idea, Judy.Copy !req
49. The kids shouldn't miss
one precious day of education.Copy !req
50. Mom, Dad, you can't do this!Copy !req
51. It'll be totally embarrassing.Copy !req
52. Don't be silly, Jimbo.Copy !req
53. Your mother would never dream
of embarrassing you.Copy !req
54. No... don't!Copy !req
55. Yuck!Copy !req
56. Now, now, we don't want to be
a Mr. Smudgey-face, do we?Copy !req
57. "Mr. Smudgey-face!"Copy !req
58. Talk about being stripped
of all dignity!Copy !req
59. Your turn, Butch.Copy !req
60. I've lived too long.Copy !req
61. I'm next!Copy !req
62. Again.Copy !req
63. Oh, this couldn't get
more humiliating.Copy !req
64. Before we go on, let's look
at Jimmy's baby pictures.Copy !req
65. Now, kids, as Carl is
now demonstrating,Copy !req
66. germ-free back skin
begins at home.Copy !req
67. Harder, son!Copy !req
68. You show those germs
who's boss!Copy !req
69. Hey, Carl!Copy !req
70. Can you come over
and wash my parents?Copy !req
71. Now, now, kids.Copy !req
72. My Carl knows that good health
and hygieneCopy !req
73. is nothing to be ashamed of.Copy !req
74. Right, son?Copy !req
75. Right, Dad.Copy !req
76. Great!Copy !req
77. Now let's show 'emCopy !req
78. how to lance a boil!Copy !req
79. Remember, kids,
working with woodCopy !req
80. can be a great
family activity.Copy !req
81. My son Sheen and I
made theseCopy !req
82. pretty dollies together
in our spare time.Copy !req
83. Dad, they're not dollies!Copy !req
84. They're action-play companions!Copy !req
85. Some nights, instead of TV,Copy !req
86. Sheen will pretend to be
the little girl dollCopy !req
87. and I'll be her magic
flying pony.Copy !req
88. Don't be sad, Sheen.Copy !req
89. Let's fly away
to Happy Rainbow Mountain.Copy !req
90. Kids, the book my wife gave meCopy !req
91. says that gym class
should build self-esteem.Copy !req
92. Everyone turn around
and hug your neighbor.Copy !req
93. Go on, Jimbo,
hug your little men-friends.Copy !req
94. Dad, I'm not hugging anyone.Copy !req
95. Don't make me blow this whistle,
young man.Copy !req
96. No!
No, not
the whistle!Copy !req
97. All right,
all right!Copy !req
98. Okey dokey, let's move on
to the trust exercises.Copy !req
99. Could our parentsCopy !req
100. have embarrassed us more today?Copy !req
101. What's wrong, Carl?Copy !req
102. Is my seven-layer
soy mulch too tough?Copy !req
103. Let Mommy pre-chew it
for you.Copy !req
104. Mmm...Copy !req
105. I mean, gross!Copy !req
106. You boys enjoy.Copy !req
107. I can't take it anymore!Copy !req
108. I actually wish
we had our teachers back.Copy !req
109. Are you going to finish
your soy mulch?Copy !req
110. Parents want to be
substitute teachers, huh?Copy !req
111. Well, I say it's time
to sink some subs.Copy !req
112. Elbow, elbow!Copy !req
113. Keep searching, everyone.Copy !req
114. We're looking for some type
of shiny blinky sciencey gizmo.Copy !req
115. Do they have restrooms
in hyperspace?Copy !req
116. I'm keeping any change I find!Copy !req
117. Almost done, Goddard.Copy !req
118. The secret weaponCopy !req
119. that'll make our parents run
screaming from the school.Copy !req
120. I call it "Rebellion."Copy !req
121. It's a concentrated versionCopy !req
122. of the hormone that makes kids
challenge authority.Copy !req
123. One whiff of this
and they'll run amok.Copy !req
124. Faced with such
sheer raw mayhem,Copy !req
125. the parents will be forced
to bail.Copy !req
126. Psst.Copy !req
127. Psst-psst!Copy !req
128. Jimmy.Copy !req
129. Carl and I have decided to
run awayCopy !req
130. and join the carney circuit.
You in?Copy !req
131. You won't need to.Copy !req
132. I've got the answer
to our problems.Copy !req
133. Jimmy!Copy !req
134. Ow!Copy !req
135. What have you got?Copy !req
136. ( gulps ) Uh-oh.Copy !req
137. Is that one of
your experiments?Copy !req
138. Bring it up.Copy !req
139. You know you're
grounded from
doing science.Copy !req
140. B-but Mom...Copy !req
141. No buts!Copy !req
142. You march off
to your next class.Copy !req
143. I'm going to keep this
in a safe place.Copy !req
144. Neutron, this coffee you made
is absolutely delicious!Copy !req
145. Thanks, but my secret ingredientCopy !req
146. is the low-cal sweetener
Judy brought.Copy !req
147. Hugh, that's not
low-cal sweetener!Copy !req
148. That's the bottle I took
from Jimmy this morning!Copy !req
149. Well, it tastes marvelous.Copy !req
150. Sí, so robusto.Copy !req
151. Oh... dear.Copy !req
152. Guys, we've got to get back
that hormone bottle.Copy !req
153. It could be highly toxic
to adults.Copy !req
154. I'm sick of all the rules
around here, man!Copy !req
155. This place is totally bogus!Copy !req
156. I told you not to come
into my room!Copy !req
157. Whatever!Copy !req
158. You are not
the boss of me!Copy !req
159. Oh, no! They've been exposed
to the hormone.Copy !req
160. Guys, try to calm
your parents down.Copy !req
161. Ow...!Copy !req
162. Stop!Copy !req
163. Mom, Dad!Copy !req
164. Stop shooting those spitballs
right now!Copy !req
165. Who's going to
make us?Copy !req
166. You?Copy !req
167. As if!Copy !req
168. Ah! No!Copy !req
169. Hey, don't!Copy !req
170. Give me that!Copy !req
171. Dad, stop!Copy !req
172. You just can't take
people's stuff.Copy !req
173. You're about to get served,
chumps!Copy !req
174. Dad, I'm warning you!Copy !req
175. Behave yourself!Copy !req
176. You can't tell me what to do!Copy !req
177. Stop trying
to ruin my life!Copy !req
178. Ow! The elbow!Copy !req
179. It's no use.Copy !req
180. We've looked everywhere.Copy !req
181. Ooh, and it's getting musty
in here.Copy !req
182. Coach Grubber,
could you grabCopy !req
183. a fresh stick
of pine scentCopy !req
184. from the glove
compartment?Copy !req
185. Hey, what the heck is this?Copy !req
186. One of Jimmy's gadgets.Copy !req
187. I knew we'd find it.Copy !req
188. What happens if you press
this button?Copy !req
189. Let's trash this place!Copy !req
190. Food fight!Copy !req
191. Guys, stop!Copy !req
192. You've got to listen.Copy !req
193. You've been exposed
to a concentrated hormone.Copy !req
194. If you don't calm down,Copy !req
195. it could damage
your endocrine system.Copy !req
196. Hmm... what do
you think, Jude?Copy !req
197. Get him!Copy !req
198. Calm down, people.Copy !req
199. You don't want this on
your permanent record, do you?Copy !req
200. Jimmy, I'd like a word with you.Copy !req
201. Guys, you've got to get
these parents under control.Copy !req
202. They're loopy and need
medical attention!Copy !req
203. You can't control us!Copy !req
204. No way— you're totally lame!Copy !req
205. Parents rebelling
against teachers?Copy !req
206. Has the world gone mad?Copy !req
207. Folks, I think someone needs
some discipline.Copy !req
208. Good thing I stocked up
on teaching aids—Copy !req
209. like these eraser nunchucks!Copy !req
210. And I'm glad I picked up
this crate of dodge balls!Copy !req
211. Look out!Copy !req
212. My new high-carb pancake recipeCopy !req
213. should make them slow
and lethargic.Copy !req
214. How about you, old woman?Copy !req
215. What do you bring
to the party, hmm?Copy !req
216. Young man, in 74 years
of teaching,Copy !req
217. the only thing I've ever neededCopy !req
218. is my piercing
educator's skunk-eye!Copy !req
219. No, not the skunk-eye!Copy !req
220. Don't look at me!Copy !req
221. Back! Back, I say!Copy !req
222. ( dreamily ):
Bicycle...Copy !req
223. Great job, everyone.Copy !req
224. Our parents should be
back to normalCopy !req
225. just as soon
as they wake up.Copy !req
226. Thank heavens for that.Copy !req
227. As for you, young man,Copy !req
228. we found your little
hyperspace gizmo.Copy !req
229. It'll never happen again!Copy !req
230. In fact, I've learned
a valuable lessonCopy !req
231. about the importance
of our teaching professionals.Copy !req
232. You're still getting
900 days detention.Copy !req
233. And no soup
on Soup Tuesday!Copy !req
234. In fact, drop and give me 40,
maggot, right now!Copy !req
235. ( straining ):
But... you're not...Copy !req
236. the boss... of me.Copy !req
237. Double-time,
Neutron!Copy !req
238. In the library,
Neutron's foot hit mineCopy !req
239. so I tapped his foot back
and he kicked mine again.Copy !req
240. I think we were playing footsie.Copy !req
241. Promise you won't tell.Copy !req
242. Of course— you know how
I respect people's privacy.Copy !req
243. So what are the guys
doing now?Copy !req
244. Uh... they're up to something.Copy !req
245. I'm locked onto the evening news
video feed.Copy !req
246. You're on!Copy !req
247. Yes, ( clears throat ).Copy !req
248. Hello.Copy !req
249. This just in— I'm not wearing
pants under this desk.Copy !req
250. Repeat— I'm not wearing pants.Copy !req
251. Um, hi.Copy !req
252. Who wants to see my head
spin around?Copy !req
253. Whee!Copy !req
254. Well, that's odd.Copy !req
255. I don't remember
the weather lady being
quite so... hideous.Copy !req
256. Come on, anchorman,
spin your head with me.Copy !req
257. Whee!Copy !req
258. Whee!Copy !req
259. We're spinning our heads.Copy !req
260. We're in a lot of trouble.Copy !req
261. I'm going to make you boys
superstars!Copy !req
262. Huh?
Huh?
What?Copy !req
263. I saw your crazy news show.Copy !req
264. I want to produce a kid's
evening news starring you boys.Copy !req
265. Huh?
Huh?Copy !req
266. What?Copy !req
267. We don't know anything
about doing the news!Copy !req
268. That's what makes it
so crazy fresh!Copy !req
269. You are my anchorman.Copy !req
270. You will do sports.Copy !req
271. Round boy does weather.Copy !req
272. You're rewarding
these chowderheadsCopy !req
273. for hacking into the news?Copy !req
274. You can be co-anchor!Copy !req
275. I'm in.Copy !req
276. Can I do a gossip segment?Copy !req
277. Extra crazy!Copy !req
278. You all start tonight.Copy !req
279. Ciao.Copy !req
280. What!Copy !req
281. Welcome to Kid's Evening News
with Jimmy NeutronCopy !req
282. and Cindy Vortex,Copy !req
283. Carl Wheezer on weather,Copy !req
284. Sheen Estevez on sportsCopy !req
285. and Libby Folfax
with "The Word."Copy !req
286. Good evening.Copy !req
287. I'm Jimmy Neutron here now
with the news.Copy !req
288. Tragedy struck Retroville todayCopy !req
289. as local boy Nick Dean broke his
leg for the 15th time this year.Copy !req
290. Nick is expected to make
a full recoveryCopy !req
291. and break his leg again
soon after.Copy !req
292. Cindy?Copy !req
293. Foreign exchange student
Bolbi StroganovskyCopy !req
294. officially entered the Miss
Retroville beauty pageant today.Copy !req
295. Asked to explain his action,
Mr. Stroganovsky replied:Copy !req
296. ( imitating Bolbi ):
Bolbi pretty.Copy !req
297. Bolbi win pageant— good.Copy !req
298. Jimmy?Copy !req
299. Butch Bukowski was today awarded
the Bully of the Year awardCopy !req
300. from the Juvenile Delinquent
Society.Copy !req
301. In a tear-filled speech,
Bukowski accepted the award,Copy !req
302. then used it to beat his host
about the head, neck and chest.Copy !req
303. And now let's go
to the always jolly Dr. CarlCopy !req
304. in the Weather Center.
Carl?Copy !req
305. Hello, Retroville!Copy !req
306. I hope you had
a scrumpdili-icious day!Copy !req
307. Let's wish a big, old
"Happy Birthday"Copy !req
308. to Old Lady Nussbaum,
who turns 102 today.Copy !req
309. Here's a nice, big Weather
Center hug from Dr. Carl.Copy !req
310. Just tell us
the weather!Copy !req
311. Tomorrow's Wheezer Weather:Copy !req
312. you'd better grab your sombrero,
mi amigo,Copy !req
313. because it's going to be as hot
as Mexico.Copy !req
314. Ow! My scapula!Copy !req
315. Thanks, Dr. Carl.Copy !req
316. Now here's Sheen
with the sports.Copy !req
317. Evening, sports fans.Copy !req
318. Today, Oleander and Ike faced
off against each otherCopy !req
319. in varsity wrestling.Copy !req
320. Let's go to the videotape.Copy !req
321. Right, no videotape.Copy !req
322. Let's go to the action figures.Copy !req
323. Oleander puts Ike
in a half nelson,Copy !req
324. then Ike kicks him in the shins.Copy !req
325. Bam! Boom! Bam!Copy !req
326. I've never seen anyone take
this much punishment.Copy !req
327. Wait! Ike is burping
in Oleander's face.Copy !req
328. Oleander is passing out.Copy !req
329. Ike just might go all the way.Copy !req
330. Now, here's Libby.Copy !req
331. Ow!Copy !req
332. What's up, y'all?Copy !req
333. This is Libby with "The Word."Copy !req
334. Well, it seems
a certain big-headed geniusCopy !req
335. has been playing footsie in the
library with a blond colleague.Copy !req
336. Looks like
this love-hate relationshipCopy !req
337. is turning into all love
all the time.Copy !req
338. Check it out.Copy !req
339. Everybody's talking
about a certain someoneCopy !req
340. with the initials C.W.Copy !req
341. who had toilet paper hanging off
his shoe all day today.Copy !req
342. P.S. He still doesn't know.Copy !req
343. Check it out.Copy !req
344. What hyperactive cutie
has been worrying palsCopy !req
345. by talking to an imaginary
hand puppet?Copy !req
346. Here's a hint:
his name rhymes with "Bean."Copy !req
347. Well, I'm out of time.Copy !req
348. See you tomorrow on "The Word."Copy !req
349. G...Copy !req
350. Good night and thanks
for watching.Copy !req
351. Cut.Copy !req
352. Libby!Copy !req
353. You just violated, like,
ten people's privacy.Copy !req
354. I thought you were down
with my gossip.Copy !req
355. Not when it's about me!Copy !req
356. Or me!Copy !req
357. Or us!Copy !req
358. Or me.Copy !req
359. What's the big deal?Copy !req
360. I didn't use actual names.Copy !req
361. I'm sure no one even knew
who I was talking about.Copy !req
362. Your foot's all out
of toilet paper!Copy !req
363. ( gasping ):
Tree.Copy !req
364. Sheen!Copy !req
365. How about our hand puppets
do lunch?Copy !req
366. Wow!Copy !req
367. I'm a star.Copy !req
368. You're kidding!Copy !req
369. Okay, children, quiet down.Copy !req
370. I'm going to hand back
your essays now.Copy !req
371. A "C"?Copy !req
372. Something wrong, Libby?Copy !req
373. No, Miss Fowl, but I hope you're
not grading and driving again.Copy !req
374. You don't want
to go back to prison.Copy !req
375. Those charges were never proven!Copy !req
376. Who told you about that?Copy !req
377. Though it would make
a good story for tonight.Copy !req
378. Did I write "C"?Copy !req
379. I meant "A".Copy !req
380. I always get those confused.Copy !req
381. Marisa has hair extensions?Copy !req
382. Girl, how do you know?Copy !req
383. You'd better tell me unless you
want that ugly tattoo of yoursCopy !req
384. splashed all over prime time.Copy !req
385. Talk to me.Copy !req
386. You call that embarrassing?Copy !req
387. Call me when you get
some real dirt.Copy !req
388. Uh, where are
my cherries?Copy !req
389. Or do you want
people to knowCopy !req
390. that half your
chocolate sprinkles
are ants?Copy !req
391. The lady wants cherries!Copy !req
392. Come on, move, move,
move, move, move!Copy !req
393. She's turned into a monster.Copy !req
394. She has dirt
on everyone in town.Copy !req
395. So? What do we care?Copy !req
396. She already gossiped about us.Copy !req
397. We're on every night,
Coach Clueless.Copy !req
398. Do you think she won't
eventually reportCopy !req
399. on your addiction
to candy?Copy !req
400. And I can only imagine
what she has on Carl.Copy !req
401. I don't sniff my own feet.Copy !req
402. It just looks that way
when I'm doing yoga.Copy !req
403. Thanks for
the stories, guys.Copy !req
404. Libby, what's happened to you?Copy !req
405. Look, I'll make a deal:Copy !req
406. stop your gossip segment
and I'll give you...Copy !req
407. Candy!Copy !req
408. No, Cindy's
co-anchor job.Copy !req
409. ( exclaims )
Ouch.Copy !req
410. Excuse me.Copy !req
411. I've got to go— I need more
juicy stories for tonight.Copy !req
412. Guys, I have
an idea.Copy !req
413. Does it involve candy?Copy !req
414. No.Copy !req
415. Libby wants stories, right?Copy !req
416. Well, let's give her a story
she can't resist.Copy !req
417. Ain't no way Miss Fowl's a man!Copy !req
418. I've got to go,
Principal Willoughby.Copy !req
419. Come in.Copy !req
420. Hey, Lib.Copy !req
421. I wanted to wish you
a good show tonight.Copy !req
422. Oh, and even though our dressing
rooms are next to each other,Copy !req
423. don't look through
that peephole into mine.Copy !req
424. I'll try to resist, Carl.Copy !req
425. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm looking for one last story.Copy !req
426. Okay, well, you won't find
your storyCopy !req
427. through that peephole,
that's for sure,Copy !req
428. although you will be
shocked and amazedCopy !req
429. and sickened
and disgustedCopy !req
430. and terrified!Copy !req
431. Well, got to go.Copy !req
432. Greetings, mighty alien masters.Copy !req
433. Greetings,
Carl of Earth.Copy !req
434. Have you prepared
for our arrival?Copy !req
435. Yes, I have, masters.Copy !req
436. Have you laid in a supply
of kittens for us to snack on?Copy !req
437. Yes, I have, masters.Copy !req
438. Excellent.Copy !req
439. I knew he'd be
a good recipientCopy !req
440. for our slavery-inducing
brain worm.Copy !req
441. Mm-mmm.Copy !req
442. Soon we will descend
upon your planetCopy !req
443. and steal the spleens
of your speciesCopy !req
444. to play Spleen Ball with.Copy !req
445. Mm, Earth spleens
are so bouncy.Copy !req
446. It's like a whole different
game.Copy !req
447. Mm-mmm.Copy !req
448. ( whispering ):
Is that it?Copy !req
449. Oh, um... okay. Bye.Copy !req
450. And then the aliens put a worm
in Carl's brainCopy !req
451. that makes him their slave.Copy !req
452. And they eat kittens,
and they're comingCopy !req
453. to steal our spleens
to play Spleen Ball with.Copy !req
454. I'm not kidding!Copy !req
455. Thanks for that fascinating
report, Libby.Copy !req
456. Well, that's the news.Copy !req
457. Good night and thanks
for watching.Copy !req
458. Oh, that was classic.Copy !req
459. ( giggles ):
Earth spleens.Copy !req
460. No one's going to believe
Libby ever again.Copy !req
461. ( laughing ):
Yeah.Copy !req
462. Except those guys.Copy !req
463. There's the alien
slave kid.Copy !req
464. Get him!Copy !req
465. Threaten our kittens,
hey, buster?Copy !req
466. Libby, you have to stop them
from hurting Carl.Copy !req
467. Yeah, he's not an alien.Copy !req
468. We made it all up so you'd lose
your credibility.Copy !req
469. What?Copy !req
470. Oh, no!Copy !req
471. Okay, get ready to pelt him.Copy !req
472. Wait! Stop!Copy !req
473. Carl's not an alien.Copy !req
474. Huh?Copy !req
475. What?Copy !req
476. But it was on the local news!Copy !req
477. I know, but it wasn't true.Copy !req
478. Those guys tricked me
into saying it.Copy !req
479. Oh.Copy !req
480. Then pelt them!Copy !req
481. Yeah!Copy !req
482. Wait! Stop!Copy !req
483. Don't pelt them, either.Copy !req
484. Look, I guess by getting
all caught up in being a star,Copy !req
485. I forced my friends
to do what they did.Copy !req
486. We forgive you,
Libby.Copy !req
487. And I hope you'll
still trust usCopy !req
488. with the sacred dignity
of the local news.Copy !req
489. Not necessary,
because you are all fired!Copy !req
490. What?Copy !req
491. That's right, I need to make
room for my crazy new show,Copy !req
492. Everybody Loves Hand Puppets.Copy !req
493. Hi, everybody.Copy !req
494. Yes.Copy !req
495. Pelt Corky!Copy !req
496. Forgive me, guys?Copy !req
497. Ah, what the heck.Copy !req
498. I guess things worked out okay
after all.Copy !req
499. Come on, let's go home.Copy !req
500. Um... hello, guys.Copy !req
501. Wait up.Copy !req
502. Okay, you're
coming back, right?Copy !req
503. Right?Copy !req
504. Guys?Copy !req
505. My scapula.Copy !req
506. Paul?Copy !req
507. Got to blast!Copy !req